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Kitty (I am not creative), I know you like the massive heat coming from my Apple laptop, but you are pushing it off my desk with your sleeping position. When I push it back you hiss. "Tortitude," they call it. "Kitty", I call it. Very safe for my computer:  **i cover & hide all the cables when I'm away and watch the cats vigilantly when they're around the cables.* E: I love you Kitty, you're so weird. Thin Privilege fucked around with this message at 07:52 on Apr 24, 2017 |
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Apr 24, 2017 07:47
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2 more: -Fluffy (again, not creative), you HAVE to eat your kidney food. I know the other cats' food is tastier but your body is stupid and I can't afford to give you canned food 2-4x/day (confusing feeding/calories schedule). Don't have hunger strikes. Your kidneys went from failure to 100% fine while eating the prescription food but you got some of the other cats' food and now you're being a jerk. -all of you. I just re-sisaled your scratching posts: scratch there, not the old parts! I re-sisaled the parts you like to scratch most so why are you not scratching there. I've re-sisaled before, from the same sisal roll, so I don't know why you're being weird this time. Cats 
Thin Privilege fucked around with this message at 02:59 on Apr 25, 2017 |
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Apr 25, 2017 02:56
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One more. Cats, today I woke up and looked at my phone, which was face-up on the table. You catbutt dialed a friend and then a string of about 18 random digits. At 130am. The only way this could have happened is because I set an alarm that unlocked the phone and then you swatted at it or sat on it. I have catbuttphone. Try explaining that to your friend. "My cat's rear end in a top hat called you, sorry" The phone is no longer going to be face up while I sleep. Worst part is I can't dust for prints so I don't know which one did it. Vanadium Dame fucked around with this message at 06:17 on Apr 25, 2017 |
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Apr 25, 2017 06:15
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Question: Where exactly do you fit on this lovely chart I swiped from Cracked.com? (Thanks Cracked!)  I mean in one of your earlier posts you said you had 8 cats...
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Apr 25, 2017 06:46
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Maybe you are just army-jelly?
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Apr 25, 2017 12:47
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grack posted:Question: Where exactly do you fit on this lovely chart I swiped from Cracked.com? (Thanks Cracked!) I'm down to 6, ex husband took 2 away  So I'm in the middle, but would like to be at the far right 
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Apr 25, 2017 17:16
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 IMG_5033.jpg by Iain Compton, on Flickr Dan, you are a 55kg Great Dane. Suddenly developing a crippling fear of the carrier bag with your dog food in it is super weird. Reacting to that fear by laying down on the ground and refusing to move is counterproductive. Doing so in the middle of a pedestrian crossing on a busy road is frankly terrifying (for me). Having to lift you bodily by your harness and carry you to the other side of the road while you are freaking the gently caress out at the plastic bag that you were fine with for the previous twenty minutes is not an experience I am keen to repeat.
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Apr 27, 2017 14:43
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Helen Highwater posted:
This is clearly your fault for not hugging him enough.
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Apr 27, 2017 15:37
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MrYenko posted:This is clearly your fault for not hugging him enough. I am history's greatest monster 
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Apr 28, 2017 12:07
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You'd think having surgery on your foot, being coned and having to ride in the car twice might be cause to chill out for at least an evening, if you were a cat. You'd be wrong. Macready please stop rocketing around the house after moths, you're going to rip your stitches and cost me another few hundred quid. Not to mention you got so upset in the carrier on the way back that you pissed on yourself, do you really want to have to go through that again? 
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May 1, 2017 04:47
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Kind of a negative-helldump but you jumped on my desk, potentially to get attention, but in the process you knocked over a lamp and broke it. I can't be even the slightest bit upset because seeing it was so adorable, and now you're under the bed, scared, by your own clumsiness. You made my horrifically bad day good cause it's the first time I've smiled all day. Thanks, cat 
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May 1, 2017 07:06
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My neurotic dog baby got scared by my sister's baby (again) but finally they both settled and were sleeping next to each other. Then someone farted. Now, I'm not saying that baby farts aren't loving nasty....I'm just saying that Boston Terrier farts are nastier. Everyone woke up and needed immediate comforting. The room had to be vacated. Dogs are nasty.
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May 1, 2017 11:50
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I got my first cat as a kitten from a store (I was really dumb at the time), she farted such horrific smells it would clear a room. She was diagnosed with worms so it stopped but man those were bad.
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May 7, 2017 18:59
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One of our dogs barks at the slightest outside stimulus, and we've had issues with neighbors before complaining to the police when it happens while we're out. So we always put on loud jazz music when we leave to mask outside sounds. We don't allow the dogs in the couch either, and it has been a rule for years. Both dogs obey it, but barking dog jumps up there the second we leave the house. So today, when I came home, I snuck in the back door, my noise masked by the jazz, and snuck up behind the couch.  Busted. She proceeded to hide behind the desk in the office for 2 hours sulking.
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Jun 4, 2017 23:59
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Sandwich Anarchist posted:One of our dogs barks at the slightest outside stimulus, and we've had issues with neighbors before complaining to the police when it happens while we're out. So we always put on loud jazz music when we leave to mask outside sounds. hahaha such a guilty, caught-out expression! 
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Jun 6, 2017 06:05
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I'll shame neighbor dog. Bella barks like, 50% of the time, but I put up with that because I'm tight with that neighbor and she helps me with trash and brings me pot roast she makes since my feet don't work so good no more. The biggest helldump on her dog is neighbor showed up one night asking if I had an old credit card to get her door open since both phone and keys were inside. I blinked a sec, and tried to help her but was 100% sure the deadbolt was thrown which a card pick cannot fix...but the keys were inside - insane dog had jumped up and thrown the lock, locksmith had to drill it. I waited outside with her since she's chill, total bill 279 dollars due to dog
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Jun 7, 2017 21:46
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Markoff Chaney posted:I'll shame neighbor dog. Bella barks like, 50% of the time, but I put up with that because I'm tight with that neighbor and she helps me with trash and brings me pot roast she makes since my feet don't work so good no more. The biggest helldump on her dog is neighbor showed up one night asking if I had an old credit card to get her door open since both phone and keys were inside. I blinked a sec, and tried to help her but was 100% sure the deadbolt was thrown which a card pick cannot fix...but the keys were inside - insane dog had jumped up and thrown the lock, locksmith had to drill it. one of my dogs does this. constantly. to the point to where i have a hide a key on my car because of it. little poo poo.
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Jun 7, 2017 23:23
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Dear Bucky, Please stop digging into my pocket. It's hilarious, but it's annoying.
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Jun 7, 2017 23:32
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pixel i'm not giving you any wheat thins please quit crushing my arm with your cat fat i need two hands to type
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Jun 15, 2017 18:11
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Dear iospace. Why are you allergic to cats? You love them but you know you can't pet them because- Yup, you pet one and now your nose is running. Good going.
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Jun 15, 2017 18:16
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worth it imo
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Jun 20, 2017 08:13
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Runty and Clover, I can clearly see that you are anxious to come out of your bin cages. I offer my hand for you to climb into. Every time I put my hand in, you just it and continue to try and climb up the side of the bin cage towards me while running around like a little spaz between attempts before eventually giving up and going to another part of your bin cage. Without fail, as soon as I sit down, you are right back at the front of the bin cage begging to come out again. And again, without fail as soon as my hand goes in you hop right in and wait to be lifted out. Please just jump in the first time. We go through this almost every night. I understand that your tiny hamster brains have limited capability, but still.
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Jun 21, 2017 18:48
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Girl dog, please stop licking your girl bits. Any nettles you sat in last week have long since stopped stinging. This is borderline enjoyment and it makes me very uncomfortable.
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Jun 28, 2017 20:14
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Dear Nicholas the cat, Shut up Shh Shush Shut up shut up Shh Shh God why can't you be quiet Shhhh!! Okay boy I get it you're happy Shut the gently caress up!!!!!! Shush Shh Shut up! Is there a chance any of these are unhappy meows that I can end with problem solving? Shut the gently caress up!!! Fine I'm putting on head phones to sleep and the neighbours can deal with you. I love you kitty who's a good boy!!!!(Shut up please)
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Jun 28, 2017 21:33
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tessiebee posted:Girl dog, please stop licking your girl bits. Any nettles you sat in last week have long since stopped stinging. This is borderline enjoyment and it makes me very uncomfortable. If you could do it, you'd never leave the house. Don't judge.
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Jun 29, 2017 01:09
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Yes Colin, I know that you're new in the household, but please don't give me presents in form of cat poo you dug out of their loos. You're supposed to be a good weiner dogge.
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Jul 12, 2017 08:56
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Mojo, your posture is horrible. It's like you grew up in a barn.
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Jul 13, 2017 22:23
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My dumb-rear end dog just poo poo this big pile of fur and blood all over the carpet.  What an inconsiderate dog
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Jul 15, 2017 15:13
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Momo, Do you hate me since we moved in with boyfriend ? Or are you still pissed at me for having to get you spayed ? You were super affectionate before you got spayed, you cuddled up to me, even snuggled on top of me, and now you just want to be on the other side of the couch all the time. You're clearly happy to see me when I get home from work, but if I give you more than two headscritches, you go full-on murder cat. Let alone picking you up to cuddle a little. You used to love that, and now all you want to do is get back to the floor and attack my feet. Why ? Goddamit.  Also, for the love of all that is good in this world would you stop trying to scoot your water bowl across the floor every single time it is full? I can understand your dumb kitty brain might think that the "sploosh" sound the water makes is funny, but I put your food and water on a tray to prevent water from getting everywhere, and you still manage to send water flying over on the floor sometimes. And then you yowl at me because your water bowl is empty. Next time, I swear to god, I won't fill it up and I'll just let you dehydrate. Pictured, the rear end in a top hat in question. 
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Jul 15, 2017 17:30
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Horsey McHorseface posted:Momo, The true rear end in a top hat is who put a carpet that color in
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Jul 16, 2017 08:22
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Markoff Chaney posted:The true rear end in a top hat is who put a carpet that color in Not a carpet, but a towel on the sofa she seems to like to rub herself onto. I left it out because I was meaning to use it for shoulder protection during the hair dyeing process, but she claimed it before I could use it, so I laid it out for her in defeat. It's actually a greener shade of green irl, but I'll admit that it's not the nicest green I've ever laid eyes on. I guess I'm the rear end in a top hat for putting the ugly towel out though. No wonder she hates me. She snuck in the bedroom as soon as my boyfriend opened the door, and rushed under the bed as soon as she saw me and refused to come out so long as I was in the vicinity. But when I got home from work earlier this morning, she was all cuddly and purring and rubbing up against my legs for ten minutes. What the gently caress, Momo. Seriously.
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Jul 16, 2017 12:09
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Cheeto, why have you thrown up a hairball on my feet as I slept the last two nights in a row? Why do I only wake up once it is cold and dried all over my god drat feet and sheets?
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Jul 17, 2017 00:07
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Jet why do you shed so loving much. I'm gonna have to buy a bedsized blanket so that I don't get fur all over the sheets and have my eyeball puff up, AGAIN. Also please stop throwing your food everywhere what the gently caress.
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Jul 20, 2017 13:31
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Jasper. stop eating everything out the bin and wet tissues you find in the street. And that thing about you eating every type of poo poo you can find (sheep, cow, rabbit, cat) is just nasty
grimmmy fucked around with this message at 16:22 on Jul 25, 2017 |
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Jul 25, 2017 16:05
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2 computer mice. 8 pairs of headphones. 2 keyboards. 2 game controllers. 2 cats. i guess I am the one to blame.
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Aug 8, 2017 02:28
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AkumaHokoru posted:2 computer mice. 8 pairs of headphones. 2 keyboards. 2 game controllers. What do they play online games together or Something? Lazy rear end cats.
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Aug 8, 2017 02:35
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Sandwich Anarchist posted:What do they play online games together or Something? Lazy rear end cats. they dont like when i give my computer more attention than them so they attack wires.
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Aug 8, 2017 02:42
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Sinister, stop climbing the loving curtains! It's cute when you do it now, because you're still a kitten, but when you grow a bit more you're going to be too heavy and you're going to fall... Yeah, just like that. Right into your litter tray. Poetic justice. Poor kitten. Let's get you cleaned up.
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Aug 8, 2017 09:34
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DigitalRaven posted:Sinister, stop climbing the loving curtains! It's cute when you do it now, because you're still a kitten, but when you grow a bit more you're going to be too heavy and you're going to fall... Little shitstain 
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Aug 10, 2017 08:55
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Not mine, but my best friend got himself a new puppy. Meet King!  He's part Corgi.
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Aug 15, 2017 17:38
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