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Lime Tonics posted:Man Wins Desperate Struggle to Free Penis From Toilet Python I can't even imagine sitting on an American standard toilet for 30 minutes, much less squatting over a squat toilet for half an hour. Jesus.
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May 25, 2017 15:21
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Lime Tonics posted:Man Wins Desperate Struggle to Free Penis From Toilet Python Scroll down and look at the bloody bathroom pictures...like something from a CSI episode... 
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May 25, 2017 15:35
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SpacePig posted:I can't even imagine sitting on an American standard toilet for 30 minutes, much less squatting over a squat toilet for half an hour. Jesus. Imagine that guy's mighty gluteus maximus. I'd feel threatened too if I were a python.
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May 25, 2017 15:51
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Slime posted:If you take 30 minutes on the toilet you better have a private toilet otherwise you deserve to get your dick bit by a snake. I would assume very few people who take 30 minutes to poop are staying that long because they want to.
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May 25, 2017 16:00
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Lime Tonics posted:Man Wins Desperate Struggle to Free Penis From Toilet Python Oh my god my childhood fears were actually justified ? 
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May 25, 2017 17:57
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The Bloop posted:I would assume very few people who take 30 minutes to poop are staying that long because they want to. No
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May 25, 2017 18:04
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Slime posted:It's probably because it's really crap food and nothing else evolved to eat it. Pandas only barely evolved to do it. Basically Pandas are the only animal crap enough to consider fully grown bamboo to be food. The shoots are good and we humans eat those, but the rest is kind of useless as an edible. Okay, but why do we keep feeding them bamboo in captivity? Maybe they'd perk up if we gave them actual food.
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May 25, 2017 18:21
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Facebook Aunt posted:Okay, but why do we keep feeding them bamboo in captivity? Maybe they'd perk up if we gave them actual food. because due to them being just lovely animals they probably wouldn't/couldn't eat it.
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May 25, 2017 18:23
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Mum and Daughter tricked into licking feet of Poundworld staff who rode them like horses Uhhh... 
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May 25, 2017 18:49
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Perhaps a hamster posted:Mum and Daughter tricked into licking feet of Poundworld staff who rode them like horses  W T F
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May 25, 2017 19:00
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Can we just give up on pandas and say that we tried and it just didn't work out?
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May 25, 2017 19:20
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Catberry posted:Can we just give up on pandas and say that we tried and it just didn't work out? It'd be easier if they weren't so dang cute, and also a pretty lucrative rental deal for China.
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May 25, 2017 19:23
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Let's just shift from pandas to red pandas. They're much cuter anyway.
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May 25, 2017 19:27
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Those are the only real pandas anyway, giant pandas were only named that because they looked kind of like the original pandas. It's total bullshit that you have to say 'red panda' now or people will think you're talking about a fat, useless bear. Must be how Kevin Smith the detroit tigers running back felt.
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May 25, 2017 20:04
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Croccers posted:Let's just shift from pandas to red pandas. They're much cuter anyway. Red pandas are awesome. https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3702007
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May 25, 2017 20:12
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Perhaps a hamster posted:Mum and Daughter tricked into licking feet of Poundworld staff who rode them like horses Someone did this in america except they got a McDonalds manager to strip search a cashier https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strip_search_phone_call_scam
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May 25, 2017 20:13
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RandomFerret posted:or people will think you're talking about a fat, useless bear. Must be how Kevin Smith the detroit tigers running back felt. 
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May 25, 2017 20:14
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RandomFerret posted:Those are the only real pandas anyway, giant pandas were only named that because they looked kind of like the original pandas. I think Giant Pandas got the genericized term of Panda basically by merit of being the physically strongest animal with the name of panda. It beat up and bunch of red and trash pandas until they both finally agreed to let them just be pandas.
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May 25, 2017 20:15
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SpacePig posted:I think Giant Pandas got the genericized term of Panda basically by merit of being the physically strongest animal with the name of panda. It beat up and bunch of red and trash pandas until they both finally agreed to let them just be pandas. Fighting involves not gobbling bamboo for a few seconds.
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May 25, 2017 20:36
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Don't see why they couldn't do both.
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May 25, 2017 20:47
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AlmightyBob posted:Someone did this in america except they got a McDonalds manager to strip search a cashier https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strip_search_phone_call_scam
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May 25, 2017 21:43
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AlmightyBob posted:Someone did this in america except they got a McDonalds manager to strip search a cashier https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strip_search_phone_call_scam This was made into a Law & Order: SVU episode starring Robin Williams as the caller, and the movie Compliance. Compliance is probably one of the most accurate based-on-real-incident movie so far.
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May 25, 2017 22:43
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Facebook Aunt posted:Okay, but why do we keep feeding them bamboo in captivity? Maybe they'd perk up if we gave them actual food. I want to say, off the top of my head, that Pandas are turbofucked there. What an animal eats is determined by a simple equation: if they get more energy from the thing that they eat than they spend hunting and killing it, then that's why they eat it. Pandas are so energy-deprived from the bamboo diet that they simply don't have the energy to hunt down or eat meat, and the closest that science has come to figuring out why is that at some point, they lost the gene necessary for meat to 'taste good', while the one from 'plant taste good' stayed.
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May 26, 2017 04:17
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SpacePig posted:Don't see why they couldn't do both. Aight this is completely off-topic but for some reason your avatar makes me ridiculously happy and chill, so thanks for that.
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May 26, 2017 04:25
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She's Lapis, a ptsd-having lesbian alien Daria-type doing an art thing with her girlfriend.
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May 26, 2017 04:52
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Martinpale posted:I want to say, off the top of my head, that Pandas are turbofucked there. What an animal eats is determined by a simple equation: if they get more energy from the thing that they eat than they spend hunting and killing it, then that's why they eat it. Pandas are so energy-deprived from the bamboo diet that they simply don't have the energy to hunt down or eat meat, and the closest that science has come to figuring out why is that at some point, they lost the gene necessary for meat to 'taste good', while the one from 'plant taste good' stayed. The more I learn about them the less I understand how they made it past the first generation.
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May 26, 2017 05:07
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Puseklepp posted:The more I learn about them the less I understand how they made it past the first generation. Very carefully.
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May 26, 2017 05:08
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Pandas are just regular normal bears whose DNA mutated so they lost their taste for meat. They are a hosed up, useless bear, and it is an abomination keeping these genetic deadends alive. People have changed panda diets before and you know what happens when they start eating meat again? They loving go and do bear things, like loving! In short, I hate pandas so much.
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May 26, 2017 05:50
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Johnny Aztec posted:Pandas are just regular normal bears whose DNA mutated so they lost their taste for meat. They are a hosed up, useless bear, and it is an abomination keeping these genetic deadends alive. Oh, I've got it! Gene splice in the "likes meat" gene from other bears or almost any other animal for that matter. Adorable baby pandas that like meat! Followed a few years later by vicious carnivorous young adult pandas mauling everyone.
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May 26, 2017 05:55
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Johnny Aztec posted:Pandas are just regular normal bears whose DNA mutated so they lost their taste for meat. They are a hosed up, useless bear, and it is an abomination keeping these genetic deadends alive. Yeah, I want to say it was China, but some place had the idea of putting a regular bear in with the pandas to see if they could be taught to 'bear' again. I have a friend who works with the pandas at Zoo Atlanta, and he says that everyone who works with them absolutely loathes them. Not only are they useless, but technically, every panda in a zoo (and their offspring) are still owned by China...with the exception of the ones at a zoo in Mexico which were a gift to the Mexican government before 'all pandas are owned by China was a thing....so they're ungodly expensive to keep, if you do get them to mate, there's every chance the Chinese government swoops in and takes the babies away from you, and they only eat three varieties of bamboo. And which of the three it is switches almost daily, sometimes it's NONE OF THEM and they just don't eat for a while..so they have to keep a fuckload of bamboo around to feed them based on which one they'll actually eat.
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May 26, 2017 06:04
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Puseklepp posted:The more I learn about them the less I understand how they made it past the first generation. Basically no outside pressures at all until we came along
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May 26, 2017 07:49
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Canadian tries breaking into wrong house, leaves beer and apology behind http://dailyhive.com/toronto/canadian-apology-beer-halifax-2017
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May 26, 2017 07:54
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That was on dumb people town right?
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May 26, 2017 08:23
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IIRC, one big problem with making more pandas in captivity is that they mate communally in the wild. As in, multiple males and multiple females gathering together during the heat period and loving everything in sight, in the hopes that a few fertile couplings will emerge from it all. Lady panda's probably just upset that she's getting one boring male rather than a glorious panda gangbang.
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May 26, 2017 11:24
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Woman marries train she claims to have "had sex with mentally".
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May 26, 2017 11:31
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I've had sex with Scarlett Johansson mentally, guess we should set the date.
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May 26, 2017 12:01
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Pigeon 'caught with backpack of drugs' http://www.bbc.com/news/world-middle-east-40042260
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May 26, 2017 14:07
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RandomFerret posted:Those are the only real pandas anyway, giant pandas were only named that because they looked kind of like the original pandas. Kevin Smith the Lions running back was pretty useless too. Would you rather be the leading rusher on the worst football team of all time or a popular animal that never gets horny?
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May 26, 2017 14:33
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I didn't realize polar bear cafe was a documentary
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May 26, 2017 14:43
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Lime Tonics posted:Pigeon 'caught with backpack of drugs' I like that they actually went through the trouble of giving the backpack some markings rather than only coloring it like the pigeon.
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May 26, 2017 14:59
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