Say Nothing posted:

sick of Applebees posted:

Yeah why would you write about things that interest kids to get kids reading?!

Railing Kill posted:

I know kids books aren't necessarily Shakespeare, but why the gently caress is a book about a farting video game character in a school library?

yaffle posted:

https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=sr_nr_n_0?fst=as%3Aoff&rh=n%3A283155%2Cn%3A4%2Ck%3Afart&keywords=fart&ie=UTF8&qid=1496627612&rnid=1000

Railing Kill posted:

Yep, books about farts sure do exist. No argument here. But I still don't think it's a prudish opinion to say that most of these are a waste of space in a fuckin library.

Guy Goodbody posted:

You know who else thought he should get to decide what books shouldn't be allowed in libraries?

Railing Kill posted:

Yep, books about farts sure do exist. No argument here. But I still don't think it's a prudish opinion to say that most of these are a waste of space in a fuckin library.

Railing Kill posted:

Yep, books about farts sure do exist. No argument here. But I still don't think it's a prudish opinion to say that most of these are a waste of space in a fuckin library.

Jamesman posted:

One day I, too, hope to create an IP so ridiculously successful, I will give ZERO fucks when people make unlicensed garbage with it.

yaffle posted:

Any book that can get a second/third grade boy to read is a good book, all but a very small number of them are profoundly averse to anything that isn't watching idiots play minecraft on youtube.

Comptroll The Forums posted:

Like, Benjamin Franklin helps Sonic stop farting with the help of his farmers almanac, lightning rod and experience as a US diplomat

Comptroll The Forums posted:

Yeah but who's farting you didn't mention any farting ??

Comptroll The Forums posted:

I was about to write something pithy, but then I realized a line of educational children's books where historical figures meet flatulent video game characters is probably a million dollar idea

Comptroll The Forums posted:

Like, Benjamin Franklin helps Sonic stop farting with the help of his farmers almanac, lightning rod and experience as a US diplomat

Just Offscreen posted:

Reading this thread you would think that some of you had never been children.

Kennel posted:

My sweet little whorish Nora I did as you told me, you dirty little girl, and pulled myself off twice when I read your letter. I am delighted to see that you do like being hosed arseways. Yes, now I can remember that night when I hosed you for so long backwards. It was the dirtiest loving I ever gave you, darling. My prick was stuck in you for hours, loving in and out under your upturned rump. I felt your fat sweaty buttocks under my belly and saw your flushed face and mad eyes. At every gently caress I gave you your shameless tongue came bursting out through your lips and if a gave you a bigger stronger gently caress than usual, fat dirty farts came spluttering out of your backside. You had an arse full of farts that night, darling, and I hosed them out of you, big fat fellows, long windy ones, quick little merry cracks and a lot of tiny little naughty farties ending in a long gush from your hole. It is wonderful to gently caress a farting woman when every gently caress drives one out of her. I think I would know Nora’s fart anywhere. I think I could pick hers out in a roomful of farting women. It is a rather girlish noise not like the wet windy fart which I imagine fat wives have. It is sudden and dry and dirty like what a bold girl would let off in fun in a school dormitory at night. I hope Nora will let off no end of her farts in my face so that I may know their smell also.

You say when I go back you will suck me off and you want me to lick your oval office, you little depraved blackguard. I hope you will surprise me some time when I am asleep dressed, steal over to me with a whore’s glow in your slumberous eyes, gently undo button after button in the fly of my trousers and gently take out your lover’s fat mickey, lap it up in your moist mouth and suck away at it till it gets fatter and stiffer and comes off in your mouth. Sometimes too I shall surprise you asleep, lift up your skirts and open your drawers gently, then lie down gently by you and begin to lick lazily round your bush. You will begin to stir uneasily then I will lick the lips of my darling’s oval office. You will begin to groan and grunt and sigh and fart with lust in your sleep. Then I will lick up faster and faster like a ravenous dog until your oval office is a mass of slime and your body wriggling wildly.

Goodnight, my little farting Nora, my dirty little fuckbird! There is one lovely word, darling, you have underlined to make me pull myself off better. Write me more about that and yourself, sweetly, dirtier, dirtier.

Bogan King posted:

The MSJ posted:

That's some quality James Joyce, you pleb.

Bogan King posted:

Bloody Hedgehog posted:

Someone should publish a book of porned up letters from history.

"My dearest Cornelia, I miss you every day. Life is tough here on the front. I'm afraid General Jackson shall make another push on the city before our time is done here. Our first attack went horribly. My good friend Mathias was killed, and as I gazed upon his shattered skull, I was reminded of your naughty meat-hole. His brains lay astrewn the battefield, as your various folds and oily crevices lay astrewn your nether regions. The smells were similar too. Until I am reunited with you, my love, my thoughts remain with you and your massive melons. Yours always, Jedediah, your labial love lick-boy."

Sigmund sawed-off loving Freud posted:

Woe to you, my Princess, when I come... you shall see who is the stronger, a gentle girl who doesn't eat enough or a big wild man who has cocaine in his body.

Jay Z Joyce posted:

“My love for you allows me to pray to the spirit of eternal beauty and tenderness mirrored in your eyes or to fling you down under me on that soft belly of yours and gently caress you up behind, like a hog riding a sow, glorying in the open shame of your upturned dress and white girlish drawers and in the confusion of your flushed cheeks and tangled hair.”

"Ben hit-this-poo poo-G Wash. Franklin posted:

i. Because as they have more Knowledge of the World and their Minds are better stor'd with Observations, their Conversation is more improving and more lastingly agreable.

2. Because when Women cease to be handsome, they study to be good. To maintain their Influence over Men, they supply the Diminution of Beauty by an Augmentation of Utility. They learn to do a 1000 Services small and great, and are the most tender and useful of all Friends when you are sick. Thus they continue amiable. And hence there is hardly such a thing to be found as an old Woman who is not a good Woman.

3. Because there is no hazard of Children, which irregularly produc'd may be attended with much Inconvenience.

4. Because thro' more Experience, they are more prudent and discreet in conducting an Intrigue to prevent Suspicion. The Commerce with them is therefore safer with regard to your Reputation. And with regard to theirs, if the Affair should happen to be known, considerate People might be rather inclin'd to excuse an old Woman who would kindly take care of a young Man, form his Manners by her good Counsels, and prevent his ruining his Health and Fortune among mercenary Prostitutes.

5. Because in every Animal that walks upright, the Deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part: The Face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower Parts continuing to the last as plump as ever: So that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding2 only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every Knack being by Practice capable of Improvement.

6. Because the Sin is less. The debauching a Virgin may be her Ruin, and make her for Life unhappy.

7. Because the Compunction is less. The having made a young Girl miserable may give you frequent bitter Reflections; none of which can attend the making an old Woman happy.

8thly and Lastly They are so grateful!!

Memento posted:

Jamesman posted:

One day I, too, hope to create an IP so ridiculously successful, I will give ZERO fucks when people make unlicensed garbage with it.

Railing Kill posted:

I know kids books aren't necessarily Shakespeare, but why the gently caress is a book about a farting video game character in a school library?

syscall girl posted:

Woe to you, my Princess, when I come... you shall see who is the stronger, a gentle girl who doesn't eat enough or a big wild man who has cocaine in his body.

Hyperlynx posted:

You really don't know anything about kids, do you?

Memento posted:

Hyperlynx posted:

You really don't know anything about kids, do you?