I've never seen The Minions Movie [SPOILERS]

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > I've never seen The Minions Movie [SPOILERS]

King of Bees: Dec 28, 2012; Gravy Boat 2k

But I pretend like I have all the time. It's getting to a danger threshold. Please tell me about The Minions Movie and the best parts or share your favorite Minions memes in this thread.

# ? Jun 18, 2017 23:20

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# ? Apr 16, 2024 18:11

ClamdestineBoyster: Aug 15, 2015; Can't post for 10 years!

They're like these spongebob retards that rape each other to death.

# ? Jun 18, 2017 23:21

ProfessorMurder: Aug 27, 2003; I can wet the bed in the shape of Abraham Lincoln

I've never seen either Despicable Me and I'm not ashamed.

# ? Jun 18, 2017 23:23

Hell Yeah: Dec 25, 2012

pretty sure most ppl who don't have kids have not seen this movie. unless they are kids themselves

# ? Jun 18, 2017 23:23

King of Bees: Dec 28, 2012; Gravy Boat 2k

Hell Yeah posted:

pretty sure most ppl who don't have kids have not seen this movie. unless they are kids themselves

I ha e kids but they haven't seen it either. It's getting real akward for them as well. Anyone got some fresh Minions .jpeg?

# ? Jun 18, 2017 23:32

Soup du Journey: Mar 20, 2006; by FactsAreUseless

# ? Jun 19, 2017 00:01

Kruxy: May 19, 2004; Just a steel town girl on
a Saturday night, looking
for the fight of her life

Throughout history the minions serve the most evil master they can, but they accidentally cause Napoleon to lose in Russia so they went and hid in a frozen cave for a century out of shame.

Which helps the movie sidestep the whole "The Minions would have supported Hitler and his final solution" issue.

# ? Jun 19, 2017 00:30

Dapper_Swindler: Feb 14, 2012; Im glad my instant dislike in you has been validated again and again.

Kruxy posted:

Throughout history the minions serve the most evil master they can, but they accidentally cause Napoleon to lose in Russia so they went and hid in a frozen cave for a century out of shame.

Which helps the movie sidestep the whole "The Minions would have supported Hitler and his final solution" issue.

i wish they went that way, just some lovely edgy dark poo poo about the minions running the camps.

# ? Jun 19, 2017 00:41

Hustlin Floh: Jul 20, 2009; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Dapper_Swindler posted:

i wish they went that way, just some lovely edgy dark poo poo about the minions running the camps.

Can we truly say Hitler was the most evil man of the time though? After all, he did kill Hitler. If only there was another WWII "Bad Guy" country who was also portrayed as yellow midgets with thick glasses...

# ? Jun 19, 2017 00:47

Sophy Wackles: Dec 17, 2000; > access main security grid
access: PERMISSION DENIED.

Did you ever play Lemmings? It's like that.

# ? Jun 19, 2017 00:50

neato burrito: Aug 25, 2002; bitch better have my chex mix

buddy! ballo! banana! poopaye! kampai!

# ? Jun 19, 2017 01:05

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

Minions are small, yellow creatures who have existed since the beginning of time, evolving from single-celled organisms into beings who exist only to serve history's most despicable masters.[15] After serving a great many masters over the centuries (though they accidentally kill their masters most of the time), and a disastrous end to their service to Napoleon, the Minions are driven into isolation and decide to start a new life in a massive cave in the Arctic. After many years, the Minions become depressed, restless and unmotivated without a master to serve. To regain their dignity and sense of purpose, Kevin, one fearless Minion, decides to set out to find a new master and asks for help. Stuart, a musically inclined Minion and Bob, a young and inexperienced but enthusiastic Minion, are recruited.

The trio journey to New York where the year is 1968. After spending the day attempting to blend in, the Minions end up in a department store for the night, where they discover a hidden commercial broadcast for villains advertising Villain-Con; a convention for villains and supervillains in Orlando. The trio manage to hitchhike a ride with a family of villains called the Nelsons and impress them with their accidental villainy. Once at the convention, they see Scarlet Overkill, the first female supervillain, and they impress her enough for her to hire them. As Scarlet takes the Minions to her home in England, Kevin contacts the other Minions, who later find a yeti and claim him as their new boss, but accidentally kill the leader yeti, when a minion plays the tuba, and are chased out of their cave by the other yeti. They make their way to England to find Kevin, Bob, and Stuart.

At her home, Scarlet explains the plan to steal the Imperial State Crown from the Queen of England and promises to reward the Minions if they successfully steal it, threatening that she will kill them if they don't. Her husband Herb supplies them with inventions to aid in the heist, but they are nearly caught when they break into the Tower of London, which leads to a highly publicized chase that ends with Bob crashing into the Sword in the Stone and pulling it free, removing the Queen of England from the throne and becoming King Bob of England. Enraged by this, Scarlet confronts the Minions, so Bob abdicates the throne in her favor. Scarlet expresses her gratitude, but is also undeterred because she feels betrayed. Scarlet imprisons the three in a dungeon to be tortured by Herb before her coronation, but afterwards, they are left alone and escape with the intention to apologize to Scarlet.

Making their way to Westminster Abbey, the three of them interrupt the coronation by accidentally dropping a chandelier on Scarlet, who immediately orders their execution. Dozens of villains chase them and Bob and Stuart are caught while Kevin finds his way into a pub. He sees Scarlet on a television, promising that she will kill Stuart and Bob if Kevin doesn't show up by dawn. Kevin sneaks into Scarlet's home to steal weapons, but inadvertently triggers a machine Herb was building and enlarges himself. He tramples through London, rescuing his friends just as the other Minions reunite with them. Scarlet tries to eradicate them, but Kevin swallows a massive missile she fires at them. Scarlet and Herb attempt to escape with her rocket-dress, but Kevin holds onto it. The missile detonates, apparently killing Kevin and the Overkills. After the Minions briefly mourn him, Kevin returns, having returned to his normal size.

The original Queen from the earlier part of the story receives her place on the throne and crown back and rewards Bob with a tiny crown for his teddy bear and Stuart an electric guitar (later replaced by a snow globe after an over-enthusiastic Stuart breaks the guitar), and she knights Kevin for his heroism. She suddenly realizes that her crown is missing, and Kevin leads a chase after Scarlet and Herb, who are revealed to be alive and are fleeing through the crowd with the bejeweled crown until they are suddenly frozen in place by a young Gru, who steals the crown from them and takes off in a rocket-powered motorbike while the Minions stare in awe. Bob gives his crown to the frozen Scarlet, as the Minions see Gru as their new potential master and give chase to follow him home.

# ? Jun 19, 2017 01:16

interwhat: Jul 23, 2005; it's kickin in dude

Kruxy posted:

Throughout history the minions serve the most evil master they can, but they accidentally cause Napoleon to lose in Russia so they went and hid in a frozen cave for a century out of shame.

Which helps the movie sidestep the whole "The Minions would have supported Hitler and his final solution" issue.

I've seen minions like 200 times and never once even wondered 😂

# ? Jun 19, 2017 01:57

SickZip: Jul 29, 2008; by FactsAreUseless

Dapper_Swindler posted:

i wish they went that way, just some lovely edgy dark poo poo about the minions running the camps.

hitler telling the minions to run the special camps he made to keep the jews safe
*comical music plays behind a montage of minions accidentally knocking jews into ovens and mistakenly hooking poison instead of water into the communal showers*

SickZip fucked around with this message at 02:04 on Jun 19, 2017

# ? Jun 19, 2017 02:01

Miserable Maid: Apr 22, 2010; Cat Army

SickZip posted:

hitler telling the minions to run the special camps he made to keep the jews safe
*comical music plays behind a montage of minions accidentally knocking jews into ovens and mistakenly hooking poison instead of water into the communal showers*

Incredible

# ? Jun 19, 2017 02:13

King of Bees: Dec 28, 2012; Gravy Boat 2k

Gaunab posted:

Minions are small, yellow creatures who have existed since the beginning of time, evolving from single-celled organisms into beings who exist only to serve history's most despicable masters.[15] After serving a great many masters over the centuries (though they accidentally kill their masters most of the time), and a disastrous end to their service to Napoleon, the Minions are driven into isolation and decide to start a new life in a massive cave in the Arctic. After many years, the Minions become depressed, restless and unmotivated without a master to serve. To regain their dignity and sense of purpose, Kevin, one fearless Minion, decides to set out to find a new master and asks for help. Stuart, a musically inclined Minion and Bob, a young and inexperienced but enthusiastic Minion, are recruited.

The trio journey to New York where the year is 1968. After spending the day attempting to blend in, the Minions end up in a department store for the night, where they discover a hidden commercial broadcast for villains advertising Villain-Con; a convention for villains and supervillains in Orlando. The trio manage to hitchhike a ride with a family of villains called the Nelsons and impress them with their accidental villainy. Once at the convention, they see Scarlet Overkill, the first female supervillain, and they impress her enough for her to hire them. As Scarlet takes the Minions to her home in England, Kevin contacts the other Minions, who later find a yeti and claim him as their new boss, but accidentally kill the leader yeti, when a minion plays the tuba, and are chased out of their cave by the other yeti. They make their way to England to find Kevin, Bob, and Stuart.

At her home, Scarlet explains the plan to steal the Imperial State Crown from the Queen of England and promises to reward the Minions if they successfully steal it, threatening that she will kill them if they don't. Her husband Herb supplies them with inventions to aid in the heist, but they are nearly caught when they break into the Tower of London, which leads to a highly publicized chase that ends with Bob crashing into the Sword in the Stone and pulling it free, removing the Queen of England from the throne and becoming King Bob of England. Enraged by this, Scarlet confronts the Minions, so Bob abdicates the throne in her favor. Scarlet expresses her gratitude, but is also undeterred because she feels betrayed. Scarlet imprisons the three in a dungeon to be tortured by Herb before her coronation, but afterwards, they are left alone and escape with the intention to apologize to Scarlet.

Making their way to Westminster Abbey, the three of them interrupt the coronation by accidentally dropping a chandelier on Scarlet, who immediately orders their execution. Dozens of villains chase them and Bob and Stuart are caught while Kevin finds his way into a pub. He sees Scarlet on a television, promising that she will kill Stuart and Bob if Kevin doesn't show up by dawn. Kevin sneaks into Scarlet's home to steal weapons, but inadvertently triggers a machine Herb was building and enlarges himself. He tramples through London, rescuing his friends just as the other Minions reunite with them. Scarlet tries to eradicate them, but Kevin swallows a massive missile she fires at them. Scarlet and Herb attempt to escape with her rocket-dress, but Kevin holds onto it. The missile detonates, apparently killing Kevin and the Overkills. After the Minions briefly mourn him, Kevin returns, having returned to his normal size.

The original Queen from the earlier part of the story receives her place on the throne and crown back and rewards Bob with a tiny crown for his teddy bear and Stuart an electric guitar (later replaced by a snow globe after an over-enthusiastic Stuart breaks the guitar), and she knights Kevin for his heroism. She suddenly realizes that her crown is missing, and Kevin leads a chase after Scarlet and Herb, who are revealed to be alive and are fleeing through the crowd with the bejeweled crown until they are suddenly frozen in place by a young Gru, who steals the crown from them and takes off in a rocket-powered motorbike while the Minions stare in awe. Bob gives his crown to the frozen Scarlet, as the Minions see Gru as their new potential master and give chase to follow him home.

Jesus H Christ

# ? Jun 19, 2017 02:23

King of Bees: Dec 28, 2012; Gravy Boat 2k

I'm not really sure how to decorate for Christmas now.

# ? Jun 19, 2017 02:25

King of Bees: Dec 28, 2012; Gravy Boat 2k

Fgggg

# ? Jun 19, 2017 03:43

OXBALLS DOT COM: Sep 11, 2005; by FactsAreUseless; Young Orc

Kruxy posted:

Throughout history the minions serve the most evil master they can, but they accidentally cause Napoleon to lose in Russia so they went and hid in a frozen cave for a century out of shame.

Which helps the movie sidestep the whole "The Minions would have supported Hitler and his final solution" issue.

Wait I thought this was a joke but apparently this is the actual plot of that movie? Wtf

# ? Jun 19, 2017 04:07

Ein cooler Typ: Nov 26, 2013; by FactsAreUseless

it's pretty intense for a kids movie

https://youtu.be/0aNwgLRL_Es

# ? Jun 19, 2017 04:16

ziasquinn: Jan 1, 2006; Fallen Rib

SickZip posted:

hitler telling the minions to run the special camps he made to keep the jews safe
*comical music plays behind a montage of minions accidentally knocking jews into ovens and mistakenly hooking poison instead of water into the communal showers*

# ? Jun 19, 2017 08:02

Bluemillion: Aug 18, 2008; I got your dispensers
right here

I watched this movie on netflix one night but I was way too drunk to remember anything about it.

# ? Jun 19, 2017 08:06

King of Bees: Dec 28, 2012; Gravy Boat 2k

Looking for some minions itt

# ? Jun 19, 2017 16:27

trash person: Apr 5, 2006; Baby Executive is pleased with your performance!

Did you know?

The Minions have become one of the biggest meme symbols of the anti-vaccination movement?

# ? Jun 19, 2017 17:43

Dinosaurmageddon: Jul 7, 2007; by zen death robot; Hell Gem

# ? Jun 19, 2017 17:52

King of Bees: Dec 28, 2012; Gravy Boat 2k

trash person posted:

Did you know?

The Minions have become one of the biggest meme symbols of the anti-vaccination movement?

Nice!

# ? Jun 19, 2017 17:55

FlimFlam Imam: Mar 1, 2007; Standing on a hill in my mountain of dreams

I've never seen it either, I'm just in it for the facebook memes.

# ? Jun 19, 2017 18:03

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# ? Apr 16, 2024 18:11

Waltzing Along: Jun 14, 2008; There's only one
Human race
Many faces
Everybody belongs here

Pretty sure they talk some gibberish version of Spanish. Imagine 3000 yellow short 3 stooges. There's the minions for you.

# ? Jun 19, 2017 18:37

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > I've never seen The Minions Movie [SPOILERS]