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 Rorchach’s Journal: July 16, 2017. Fights today. UFC Fight Night 113, 3 p.m. ET. Fox Sports 1. The UFC is afraid of me...I have seen its true face. The cards are overextended gutters and the gutters are full of unranked fighters nobody cares about and when the drains finally scab over, all the Fight Pass subscriptions will be canceled. The accumulated filth of all their decisions and uninteresting post-fight interviews will promise to will foam up about their waists and all the Euro-circuit fighters and light heavyweights will look up and shout "watch us!"... and I'll look down and whisper "No." Welterweight  Gunnar “Gunni” Nelson vs.  Santiago Ponzinibbio They had a choice, all of the SBG fighters. They could have followed in the footsteps of good men like Georges St-Pierre or Jon Jones. Decent men who believed in a camp full of node theory for a good fight. Instead they followed the droppings of Conor McGregor and Ido Portal and didn't realize that the trail led over a precipice until it was too late. Don't tell me they didn't have a choice. Now the whole team stands on the brink, staring down into irrelevance and losing fights to Rick Story, all those fur-coat wearing movement-coach-utilizing smooth-talkers... and all of a sudden they disappear from MMA forever to get the poo poo kicked out of them in a boxing ring for $70 billion. Heard joke once: man goes to doctor. Says he’s depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says “treatment is simple. Great can Ponzinibbio is in town tonight to get grapplefucked. Go and see him. That should pick you up.” Man bursts into tears. Says “But Doctor… I am Ponzinibbio.” Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains. Catchweight (118 lbs.)  Joanne “Jojo” Calderwood vs.  Cynthia Calvillo Opera has saying. “Not over til the fat lady sings.” This fat lady is second to last instead. Calderwood is good, but should be flyweight. Bloated. Large. Scottish. Trying to make it in strawweight division. Why? Because UFC says it’s the only option. Why are so few of us left active, healthy, and with divisions we can comfortably make weight at?? Calvillo. Hot young prospect. Undefeated. Good at grappling. Beat girl with big fake titties in New York. Mother. Lightweight  Stevie Ray vs.  Paul Felder Thermodynamic miracles... events with odds against so astronomical they're effectively impossible, like oxygen spontaneously becoming gold. I long to observe such a thing. And yet, in each human cockfighting promotion, a thousand million unknown white guys with tattoos vie for a single UFC contract. Multiply those odds by countless generations of fighters, against the odds of your grainy highlight reel on youtube being clicked on and garnering interest; of Scottish people showing any level of investment in your niche sport; ... Until your fans love a coked-up lying bald fat guy they have every reason to hate, and of that union, of the thousand million fighters competing to be signed, it was Stevie Ray, only Stevie Ray, that emerged that week. To distill so specific a form from that chaos of improbability, like turning air to gold... that is the crowning unlikelihood. The thermodynamic miracle. Yes. Anybody in the MMA world can potentially fight in the UFC and even on a main card these days. .. But the world is so full of people, so crowded with these fights that they become commonplace and we forget... I forget. We gaze continually at the fighters and their faces grow dull in our perceptions. Yet seen from the another's vantage point, perhaps someone who never saw that really tepid split decision loss to Ross Pearson so soon after the really sweet spinning backfist KO over Danny Castillo, fighters may still take our breath away. Come... dry your eyes, for you are an MMA fan, whose whims are unpredictable beyond the dreams of Heisenberg. Come, dry your eyes. And let's turn on Fox Sports 1. Middleweight  Jack Marshman vs.  Ryan Janes Ha! You see this? “Who Watches the Marshman.” I seen that written up all over the message boards durin’ these last few minutes. They don’t like these fights and they don’t trust the UFC. Me, I kinda like it when cards get weird, y’know? I like it when all the cards are full of people I don’t know. These rudderless, nameless Fox Sports 1 cards are not shaped by vague metaphysical forces. It is not God who builds the cards. Not fate that makes the matches or destiny that bumps them up from the prelims. It’s us. Only us. Fights stank of fire. The void breathed hard on my heart, turning its illusions to ice, shattering them. Was reborn then, free to choose to watch Bellator instead in this morally blank world. Does that answer your questions, Doctor? Light heavyweight  Khalil Rountree vs.  Paul Craig None of you understand. They’re not locked in a cage with each other. We’re locked into this monthly extended cable contract with them. Heavyweight  James Mulheron vs. Justin Willis ’Sean Shelby’ posted:“Book it?” Dana, I’m not a Republic serial villain. Do you seriously think I’d explain my master-stroke if there remained the slightest chance of you affecting its outcome? I booked the fight thirty-five days ago. OTHER poo poo TO WATCH FS1 Prelims, 1 p.m. ET Welterweight Danny Roberts vs. Bobby Nash Flyweight Alexandre Pantoja vs. Neil Seery Welterweight Charlie Ward vs. Galore Bofando Lightweight Danny Henry vs. Daniel Teymur Fight Pass Prelims, going on RIGHT NOW Bantamweight Brett Johns vs. Albert Morales Women's Bantamweight Leslie Smith vs. Amanda Lemos
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Jul 16, 2017 17:50
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| # ? Apr 20, 2024 02:45 |
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A card so hot it requires two GDTs.
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Jul 16, 2017 17:52
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I was going to give this thread poo poo for being late but it has a picture of the Aggro Crag so it wins
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Jul 16, 2017 17:53
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Bad card. Bad Jojo for missing weight.
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Jul 16, 2017 18:04
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These Teymur brothers are insanely violent.
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Jul 16, 2017 18:08
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Outstanding OP as always. Poor Jojo, love Cynthia's mean mug though. I don't know Stevie Ray, how does he compare to the Irish Dragon?
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Jul 16, 2017 18:10
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excellent OP as usual Henry using Teymur as a stool to stand up was also excellent, as is thsi fight
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Jul 16, 2017 18:18
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What a fight!
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Jul 16, 2017 18:18
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Man tTeymur has not been the same since that shot he took in the 2nd
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Jul 16, 2017 18:20
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I also didn't realize there was already a GDT so my bad, I hosed up in every way! Except one way anyway: I will not be watching this card live. ENJOY EVERYONE
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Jul 16, 2017 18:20
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insane
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Jul 16, 2017 18:20
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Santiago Ponzinibbio doesn't exist.
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Jul 16, 2017 18:22
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Man did Teymur get his rear end kicked in the last two rounds
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Jul 16, 2017 18:24
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Googling Santiago Ponzinibbio it says his nickname is Portuguese for "Good People" This isn't even trying very hard as a joke.
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Jul 16, 2017 18:26
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BOFA Galore vs former Heisman trophy winner and NBA point guard, Charlie Ward
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Jul 16, 2017 18:38
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lol
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Jul 16, 2017 18:40
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Lol
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Jul 16, 2017 18:40
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He just killed him with a throw, hahaha drat!
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Jul 16, 2017 18:40
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Another SBG guy with a stellar .500 record
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Jul 16, 2017 18:41
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Good
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Jul 16, 2017 18:41
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That KO surprised Marc Goddard so much he didn't know what to do.
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Jul 16, 2017 18:41
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the mat is the most dangerous opponent of all
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Jul 16, 2017 18:41
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That guy is now my favorite fighter from the Congo. TKO by mat owns.
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Jul 16, 2017 18:42
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a fighter literally won by tossing a bitch to the side
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Jul 16, 2017 18:43
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I've watched that replay a bunch now. That was awesome.
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Jul 16, 2017 18:48
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charlie ward at least has a future career in kung fu movies
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Jul 16, 2017 18:53
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What the hell did Seery stuff down his pants
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Jul 16, 2017 19:11
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Pantoja's clinch game looks excellent this fight.
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Jul 16, 2017 19:11
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Also is it me or is the camera drunkenly swaying
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Jul 16, 2017 19:15
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Neil Seery is my tiny dad.
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Jul 16, 2017 19:16
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I had no idea fights were happening and then turned into to an awesome choke.
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Jul 16, 2017 19:20
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Mr. Nice! posted:I had no idea fights were happening and then turned into to an awesome choke. You missed this awesome/brutal thing https://streamable.com/ihnmk
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Jul 16, 2017 19:24
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Dirt posted:You missed this awesome/brutal thing god drat he just dumped him on his noggin.
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Jul 16, 2017 19:25
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Toss a bitch on his face.
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Jul 16, 2017 19:29
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That is an extraordinary amount of ball-kicking.
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Jul 16, 2017 19:48
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holy poo poo he murdered him
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Jul 16, 2017 19:50
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dude fell like all of his bones mysteriously vanished
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Jul 16, 2017 19:51
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also, great reffin
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Jul 16, 2017 19:52
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That was awesome.
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Jul 16, 2017 19:52
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| # ? Apr 20, 2024 02:45 |
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Dirt posted:You missed this awesome/brutal thing
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Jul 16, 2017 20:00
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