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This will be easy. It's just a stupid bird! All I have to do is run as fast as I can and catch him in my outstretched, grasping arms... Road Runner stays one step ahead, sticks its tongue out tauntingly, then disappears off the horizon, somehow instantly hyper-sonic. Hmm. Well. Maybe this will be harder than I thought. --- Okay. So he's fast, I'll give him that. But I bought these sneakers! They're guaranteed to make me go super fast, it says so in the catalog! You think you're so great you stupid bird, I've almost got you n... RR stops on a dime, 120mph to 0 in a second with nothing but a shuddering door-stopper noise. Unable to stop as quickly I sail off a cliff and fall hundreds of feet into a dry creek bed. My spine now makes accordion sounds as I attempt to walk off the injuries. --- I've got it! I ordered this slingshot and a box of grenades. I'll just load one... aim carefully... and... Box of grenades explodes behind me before RR even shows up. I am briefly aghast, before crumbling into a pile of ashes. --- Alright you little fucker. I'm done playing. This time I bought a Maserati and a suit of armor and a shotgun. I'm gonna armor up in the driver's seat, pull up along-side you goin' a hundred, and blast your brains out like the end of Easy Rider. And just in case! Just in case you SOMEHOW pull out of this I bought another box of grenades i keep in the uh-oh... Box of grenades explodes in passenger seat before RR even shows up. I continue down the road on one frayed tire like a wobbly unicycle, armor pieces dented and mis-matched about my person, still holding the broken steering wheel.  This might take a few more attempts... |
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Sep 12, 2017 19:14
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| # ? Apr 19, 2024 07:28 |
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have you tried asking it nicely to stop? that seems to be a running theme as of late.
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Sep 12, 2017 19:17
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I'll start a thread to crowdsource ideas for catching him! Forgets to pick tag, RR laughs and holds up sign saying "  "
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Sep 12, 2017 19:18
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BoldFrankensteinMir posted:I'll start a thread to crowdsource ideas for catching him! nvm roadrunner sounds like a real dick
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Sep 12, 2017 19:21
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He stuck his tongue out at me!!!!!! GET 'IM! |
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Sep 12, 2017 19:47
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No, it was great- I had it all planned out. I got some of that Acme tunnel paint, you know the kind you paint on a wall and it looks like a tunnel? Well, I got it all painted out, right? But then I couldn't remember if I left the stove on or not so I went to run home as fast as I could and of course I ran smack into that fake tunnel face first since it was quickest way to get home! Knocked me out for a good 10 minutes and wouldn't you just know it? Yep! Roadrunner ran past me while I was passed out blocking my fake tunnel. Oh well, better next time, right?
https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Sep 12, 2017 19:55
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Splatmaster posted:No, it was great- I had it all planned out. I got some of that Acme tunnel paint, you know the kind you paint on a wall and it looks like a tunnel? Well, I got it all painted out, right? But then I couldn't remember if I left the stove on or not so I went to run home as fast as I could and of course I ran smack into that fake tunnel face first since it was quickest way to get home! Knocked me out for a good 10 minutes and wouldn't you just know it? Yep! Roadrunner ran past me while I was passed out blocking my fake tunnel. Oh well, better next time, right? um. Excellent username/post combo...
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Sep 12, 2017 19:59
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Starman Super DX posted:um. Excellent username/post combo... 
https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Sep 12, 2017 20:01
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Splatmaster posted:better next time, right? That's the spirit! Oh and your stove is definitely off, I borrowed it to start a fake all-you-can-eat birdseed restaurant and, long story short, I got hungry and sat at the booby trapped lunch-counter myself, everything is cinders now. My bad. |
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Sep 12, 2017 20:10
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BoldFrankensteinMir posted:That's the spirit! woopsies! https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Sep 12, 2017 20:17
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Should I be concerned that the Acme Toy and Novelty Co. I've been buying my roadrunner trap stuff from is apparently a wholly owned subsidiary of Roadrunner Industries? |
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Sep 12, 2017 22:28
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I got this crate of ACME brand hairspray cans. I'm going to spray them all outside and destroy the ozone layer, heating up the planet until no one can live here, including that darn Road Runner.
High on the hog, 90's style. |
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Sep 12, 2017 23:33
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The only thing I caught from the roadrunner was a cold. Now when I sneeze, very tiny roadrunners fly out, and upon landing proceed to run away at unchaseable speeds while making tiny "meep meep" noises.
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Sep 13, 2017 00:40
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The roadrunner eventually became an image of myself - A goal I could never achieve. The relationship with my children I never met. The fact my wife left me. Chasing the Roadrunner was an addiction to the past, a reminder of what I was. A hunter. A coyote. These toys I play with, ACME, paint, anvils... They weigh me down. They backfire. It's much like alcoholism, they give me hope - a brief glimpse into the possibility of catching the roadrunner... But always, I awaken, unable to remember the last day due to head injuries or Jim Bean, and I know that I've failed again on the one thing I still strive for. I'm going to move somewhere without roads. Somewhere I can finally be without goals. I hope to find peace there. -Wile E Coyote [Moments later, after the ACME gun fails to fire completely, A total dud. In the distance there is a single sound. "Meep meep"]
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Sep 13, 2017 05:49
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talking to myself while drawing out elaborate blueprints: "avery specialfriend, genius. no, no, wait -- avery specialfriend, super genius!"
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Sep 13, 2017 05:57
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After a series of comedic circumstances leading up to the Road Runner escaping (of course) you find yourself at closed doorway seemingly in the middle of nowhere. You knock, and I answer only to reply in a daze: "Allow me to introduce myself, my name is Mud."
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Sep 13, 2017 05:59
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WindmillSlayer posted:The roadrunner eventually became an image of myself - A goal I could never achieve. The relationship with my children I never met. The fact my wife left me. Chasing the Roadrunner was an addiction to the past, a reminder of what I was. A hunter. A coyote. These toys I play with, ACME, paint, anvils... They weigh me down. They backfire. It's much like alcoholism, they give me hope - a brief glimpse into the possibility of catching the roadrunner... But always, I awaken, unable to remember the last day due to head injuries or Jim Bean, and I know that I've failed again on the one thing I still strive for. |
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Sep 13, 2017 06:44
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What if we try dynamite? Like... uh... we could, like, take some dynamite, pour bird seed over it, then when that Road Runner stops to eat it, KABLOOEY!
High on the hog, 90's style. |
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Sep 13, 2017 07:14
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WindmillSlayer posted:The roadrunner eventually became an image of myself - A goal I could never achieve. The relationship with my children I never met. The fact my wife left me. Chasing the Roadrunner was an addiction to the past, a reminder of what I was. A hunter. A coyote. These toys I play with, ACME, paint, anvils... They weigh me down. They backfire. It's much like alcoholism, they give me hope - a brief glimpse into the possibility of catching the roadrunner... But always, I awaken, unable to remember the last day due to head injuries or Jim Bean, and I know that I've failed again on the one thing I still strive for. |
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Sep 13, 2017 11:54
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(There needs to be an MMO platformer where you can have like 200 player-controlled coyotes all after one NPC Road Runner that is impossible to catch; the points are based on self-destructive stunts performed in the pursuit) -- Day 31. Dynamite boomerang: catastrophic failure. Dynamite paper airplane: catastrophic failure. Dynamite yo-yo: catastrophic failure (what was I thinking!?) Day 32. Dynamite RC car: catastrophic failure. Dynamite with dominoes fuse: catastrophic failure. Dynamite dressed as tiny sailor on toy boat sailing down rickety aquaduct: catastrophic failure. Day 33. Lunch with Sam. I sympathize with his 'rabbit issue' but I fear he's losing confidence in the entire dynamite piano field. Have to stick to it, I told him, but he just swore and muttered under his breath. Poor bastard. Dyamite Christmas tree: catastrophic failure. Day 34. Dynamite Rumba: catastrophic failure. Dynamite carrier pigeons: catastrophic failure. Dynamite piano: catastrophic failure (Sam may be on to something...)
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Sep 13, 2017 15:05
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BoldFrankensteinMir posted:Day 33. Lunch with Sam. I sympathize with his 'rabbit issue' but I fear he's losing confidence in the entire dynamite piano field. lol wasn't there an actual coyote cartoon where he became really self aware and broke the 4th wall |
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Sep 13, 2017 15:09
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put some birdseed in the middle of a giant target and wait on the cliffs above with a acme giant rock when roadrunner eats the birdseed sit on the rock and wait for him to die from all the ricin |
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Sep 13, 2017 15:29
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Hire a professional hitman to kill him |
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Sep 13, 2017 17:26
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Rigged Death Trap posted:Hire a professional hitman to kill him Coyote: to catch the one critter who always gets away, I've hired the one guy you can never get away from... *Camera slowly pans over to reveal Droopy* Hello |
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Sep 13, 2017 17:33
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WindmillSlayer posted:The roadrunner eventually became an image of myself - A goal I could never achieve. The relationship with my children I never met. The fact my wife left me. Chasing the Roadrunner was an addiction to the past, a reminder of what I was. A hunter. A coyote. These toys I play with, ACME, paint, anvils... They weigh me down. They backfire. It's much like alcoholism, they give me hope - a brief glimpse into the possibility of catching the roadrunner... But always, I awaken, unable to remember the last day due to head injuries or Jim Bean, and I know that I've failed again on the one thing I still strive for. |
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Sep 13, 2017 17:43
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I realized in that fatal second that dropping this anvil on this bird, this demon of Hades, would only be dropping an anvil on my very soul. I heard the sickening thud, a "meep" cut short and I know that in that moment, I was damned. |
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Sep 13, 2017 17:47
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alnilam posted:Coyote: to catch the one critter who always gets away, I've hired the one guy you can never get away from... |
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Sep 13, 2017 17:54
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alnilam posted:Coyote: to catch the one critter who always gets away, I've hired the one guy you can never get away from... https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Sep 13, 2017 18:31
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I chased the bird off the cliff only to discover that I was hovering. I attempted to run but my legs found no traction, a gulp filled my throat and I had resigned myself to death. In this moment I realized the bird does not matter, nor does anything else and began my ascent to the heavens. |
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Sep 13, 2017 19:48
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alnilam posted:Coyote: to catch the one critter who always gets away, I've hired the one guy you can never get away from... |
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Sep 13, 2017 20:19
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Refrigerator with automatic ice machine. Check. Meat grinder connected to outboard motor. Check. Skis. Check. Testing alignment... Ice cubes arc into meat grinder, creating snow for the skis to... for the skis to... What am I doing? How could this possibly make me faster? I haven't slept since... I don't remember. I'm so tired. I have a refrigerator strapped to my back... to get faster!? When was the last time I saw my own daughter? She must be... five? No. Seven. No. No... I don't even remember anymore... ... ... Skis, check. Day 452, attempt 1. |
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Sep 14, 2017 02:14
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BoldFrankensteinMir posted:Refrigerator with automatic ice machine. Check. |
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Sep 14, 2017 02:50
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BoldFrankensteinMir posted:Refrigerator with automatic ice machine. Check. ---------------- |
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Sep 14, 2017 05:11
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I have attained speeds unheard of by god or man in this chase yet he is still only just out of reach. I begin to doubt my own sanity as this creature runs into paintings that I have made only for them to turn solid in my attempt to follow. I have seen it run over mines and stumble through tripwires only for the trap to wait for my head to look over to see the results. I have seen it run into the distance only for a truck to appear in the desert with that creatures avatar driving it. I don't know the last time I have left this desert, I have even forgotten when I came here.
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Sep 14, 2017 05:18
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All is the chase now, all is the hunger that drives me, thinking of that birb makes my blood run cold but I am still driven.
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Sep 14, 2017 05:19
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The Road Runner? I caught me a one of them once. I pursued it across desert and damnation, driven on (and driven mad) by its siren call, giving my bones and blood to the earth so many times that I became it, ensconced my very being in it. Sometimes, laying down in my latest impact crater, my hide dustier and browner than before, I would see my rocket skates flying off wildly across the blue sky, that desert blue of the Road Runner. And I would see my rocket skates explode in that blue sky, see the streams of flaming debris shooting out across it. I would shed a tear, down there in my warm bosom hole in the desert soil, and think to myself that I never wanted this moment to end. That I didn't have to climb out of this hole, that I didn't want to climb out of this hole. My soul in the hole, the hole in my soul, the whole of my soul, so much so many - to be one with the worms and share our everything with each other. Holey bliss. I always climbed out. I always dusted myself off, for all the good it did, since I had long become the tan and brown of the desert through and through. It never comes off, never washes out. And I would prick up my ears, scan the horizon, and look for Runner sign once more. It wasn't until I accepted that I wanted the chase to end that I caught the Road Runner. All the pain, the sacrifice of energy and material, the burning and charring of both flesh and soul...that wasn't going to be enough. I had to want it all to end: myself, the Road Runner, the universe through our respective lenses. The Alpha and Omega, the ACME and the TNT, all erased. All gone. And so I strapped on a giant stick of dynamite with a long fuse to my torso, along with my rocket skates, and I closed my eyes. I pressed the ignition button for my rocket skates and blazed forward, igniting the fuse of my dynamite in the process. It had happened before. Only this time I wouldn't look away in panicked chagrin, though. This time I would push my chips forward, not even ask for a roll of the dice. There was only win and there was only lose. And I caught him. I hugged my arms around his neck. He choked out a startled "ME-", with his eyes wide open in shock and disbelief. Terror. Or was it horror? And I cooked him, too, because the fuse ran out on my dynamite and it exploded, engulfing both of us. My last thoughts at this point were the realization that even if I had been ready to end this, that did not mean the Road Runner was, followed by the single thought "I have just committed murder!". And then the blackness came. When I came to, I was laying on my back in a crater filled with sand, pieces of rock, and smoking chunks of what was formerly highway blacktop. Blue feathers were floating down from the sky, slowly wafting left and right, twirling in the light of the desert sun. At my side was the charred corpse of my obsession, my quarry, my raison d'être for so long. I began to pant heavily and, staring into the sun, two suns, then three suns, I started to cry. You hunger for the Road Runner. You want to consume it, eradicate it from the world. No, that's not it. You want to become one with it. And then you catch it, and it's nothing like you thought it would be. It's worse than all the pain, the travails, the endless heat boiling your brains in its juices within your eternally concussed head. What does it taste like to catch the Road Runner? Ashes in the mouth, man. Ashes in the goddamn mouth. ---------------- |
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Sep 14, 2017 06:47
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alnilam posted:Coyote: to catch the one critter who always gets away, I've hired the one guy you can never get away from... |
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Sep 14, 2017 14:00
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build a giant acme sign that says 'apricot seeds cure cancer' then tell him he has cancer |
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Sep 14, 2017 16:31
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For sale Rocket skates Never used |
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Sep 14, 2017 16:42
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| # ? Apr 19, 2024 07:28 |
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Kthulhu5000 posted:...Ashes in the goddamn mouth. 
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Sep 14, 2017 17:10
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