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Shiki Dan
Oct 27, 2010

If ya can move ya toes ya back's fine

Davros1 posted:

Vince had once said that he wished that he had a locker room full of Tito Santanas.
Because he could get away with paying them next to nothing.

But yeah, keep in mind that a lot of the guys you're seeing up until now are like way past their prime and/or made their names for themselves by working their asses off in their home territories, and that after reaching WWF it was pretty much riding the gravy train and getting as much money as possible while doing the least amount of work.

I mean, Ken Patera is absolutely abysmal at this point, so I was very surprised at looking at his older work back circa 1980 when he was a heel and I-C Champ and he was pretty drat solid.
He and Tony Atlas had what was MOTN at Showdown at Shea, if you want to lookup that show (which is fascinating in retrospective to WWF PPVs since everything from 1980's PPV is basically reversed.)

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Silly Burrito
Nov 27, 2007

Shiki Dan posted:

Because he could get away with paying them next to nothing.

But yeah, keep in mind that a lot of the guys you're seeing up until now are like way past their prime and/or made their names for themselves by working their asses off in their home territories, and that after reaching WWF it was pretty much riding the gravy train and getting as much money as possible while doing the least amount of work.

Sounds like WCW 1998-2000.

sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World

Silly Burrito posted:

Sounds like WCW 1998-2000.

Its like poetry, it rhymes.

RC and Moon Pie
May 5, 2011

Shiki Dan posted:


I mean, Ken Patera is absolutely abysmal at this point, so I was very surprised at looking at his older work back circa 1980 when he was a heel and I-C Champ and he was pretty drat solid.
He and Tony Atlas had what was MOTN at Showdown at Shea, if you want to lookup that show (which is fascinating in retrospective to WWF PPVs since everything from 1980's PPV is basically reversed.)

Well Patera did have a couple of years in there where he wasn't working at all...

Xerzes
May 16, 2012


I was told a story today, about the last time Greg Valentine worked a local indy. The indy runs out of a club attached to a bar. Valentine was the main event. Greg Valentine is not to be trusted.

Ergo, when main event time came, Greg "The Hammer" Valentine came to the ring, one hip against the guard rail, climbing it hand over hand, gradually slouching lower. When he came to the ring steps, he crawled up them, then rolled into the ring, and pulled himself up by the turnbuckles. He walked up to his opponent and whispered, "Don't knock me down," apparently not thinking this was something to discuss in the locker room beforehand. His opponent had to put together a match, on the fly, involving zero bumps for The Hammer. In the end, Greg waddled himself into a sitting position and draped one leg over his opponent's, forcing him to put himself in the figure-four and submit.

Moral: do not book Greg Valentine, or, if you do, arrange transportation from the airport to the arena and back, and do not allow him anywhere near booze.

Feels Villeneuve
Oct 7, 2007

Setter is Better.
There are a lot of "No condition to perform" stories involving Greg on local indies. Greg kind of looks like a walking "no condition" these days.

sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World
The Hammer's peak shape was potato so booking him to wrestle 30 years after that is just laffo anyway.

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

~*4 LIFE*~
I don't get why anyone would book Greg Valentine in 2017 in the first place. Are there really a legion of fans out there thinking 'oh boy I wasn't going to go to that show but a chance to see the Hammer? Sign me the gently caress up'?

Sydney Bottocks
Oct 15, 2004
Probation
Can't post for 60 days!
Greg Valentine was a decent worker back in the day when the requirements to be a pro wrestler were mainly "look like a dockworker who gets in a lot of fights and drinks a lot of beer, with an equivalent workrate and moveset". Not so much so by the time Hulkamania was in full swing.

Feels Villeneuve
Oct 7, 2007

Setter is Better.
We don't have a lot of footage of late 70s Greg which was is usually agreed to be his peak. He's good enough in the early 80s against guys like Steamboat, Backlund, and especially Santana that it's pretty clear that if that's post-peak Greg, peak Greg must have been loving great.

He had a chance to jump to the NWA in 1988 and probably should have taken it. I would have loved to see Greg in 1989 Crockett.

Feels Villeneuve fucked around with this message at 21:38 on Sep 25, 2017

Tokyo Sexwale
Jul 30, 2003

I wonder what they'd have done with him? His signature move was the Figure Four and he was famous for doing a Flair Flop, and I can't imagine that would've gone over well.

Feels Villeneuve
Oct 7, 2007

Setter is Better.
IIRC he was considered for the spot in the Horsemen that eventually went to Barry Windham. Barry was clearly better than Valentine (he was in consideration for best in the world in '88-'89) but Barry did have the right look for it, IMO. Remember he worked Crockett in the late 70s and was considered to be a great worker there.

minor 1992 rumble spoilers: Wrt Greg working with Flair in 70s JCP, one of my favorite moments in the 92 Rumble is when Greg comes in with Flair in the ring and they immediately start chopping the poo poo out of each other, like old times. They must have enjoyed the hell out of that

Feels Villeneuve fucked around with this message at 22:01 on Sep 25, 2017

KungFu Grip
Jun 18, 2008

spoilers i guess for Rarity in your post

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008
It's also a matter that workrate wasn't really a thing back then. Valentine being a good hand and having good matches back then probably wouldn't hold a candle to what we expect out of a ***** match today, and Valentine would probably complain that they're doing too much.

RC and Moon Pie
May 5, 2011

Jason Sextro posted:

I wonder what they'd have done with him? His signature move was the Figure Four and he was famous for doing a Flair Flop, and I can't imagine that would've gone over well.

They worked together a ton in Mid-Atlantic as tag partners and in a feud.

The Valentine-Roddy Piper dog collar match from Starrcade 1983 is a nice piece of brutality.

Randaconda
Jul 3, 2014

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

RC and Moon Pie posted:

They worked together a ton in Mid-Atlantic as tag partners and in a feud.

The Valentine-Roddy Piper dog collar match from Starrcade 1983 is a nice piece of brutality.

The dog collar match is great.

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

~*4 LIFE*~
Gino and Jesse run us through the lineup for the next match and – oh dear god, they learnt nothing! - it's a 10 vs. 10 man match.

Demolition, The Bolsheviks, The Fabulous Rougeau Brothers, Los Conquistadors and The Brainbusters vs. The Powers of Pain, The Hart Foundation, The British Bulldogs, The Young Stallions and AAAAAAAAA THE ROCKERS

quote:

INTRODUCING...



Ok forget everything I just said because aaaa holy poo poo it's Shawn Michaels. Wrestling is good now. I missed all of Shawn's first run in the WWF but I was there for a big chunk of his second so for me when I think of Shawn I don't think of the Heartbreak Kid. I think of the legend, the guy who came back a little bit slower, a little bit older and still put on a series of fantastic matches. I've missed on the majority of his most seminal matches (including his ones against Undertaker at Wrestlemania) so for me it's always been about that return match at Summerslam '02 and the feuds with Chris Jericho and Kurt Angle. Those are some of my most cherished wrestling memories and even though Shawn's never been my definitive #1 guy at any time he's got to up there for me if I was looking at my overall favourites. I'm really hype to see the matches that turned the kid into the legend.

Oh, Marty Jannetty also exists, I guess. Hi, Marty.

The heel teams come out first and when they're all out Jesse reminds us that the Rougeaus are going to be moving to America very soon. Haha, three months later and they're still pulling this shtick! This is such an amazing gimmick. As well just to warn you now there's no way I'm differentiating between the Conquistadors. I'd feel bad about it but that's the whole point anyway. Don't worry, normal levels of rigorous professional journalism will be restored.

The faces are out next and when they're presented all together it really does look like a stacked team. You've got Bret, Shawn, Anvil and the Bulldogs all on the same side. That's some serious talent right there. It's just a shame that they're all shoved in there together because just like last year there's a basic problem with not being able to see poo poo.


This is ridiculous

The action kicks off at a decent pace as it should with so many solid wrestlers involved. Davey grabs Raymond and throws him straight into Jacques. Shawn tags in for his first showing and does Daniel Bryan's 'backflip off the turnbuckle' spot and then Zhukov runs into a hiptoss. There's lots of quick tags on both teams which is just like last year but unlike last year everyone's keeping up this fast pace in the ring so it works. This is fun stuff! Zhukov tags out to the one of the Brain Busters to make their OH gently caress THAT'S ARN ANDERSON!

quote:

INTRODUCING...



Somehow I never knew that Arn and Tully had a run in the WWF. I've always just associated them with the Four Horsemen and WCW so much that I've conflated that into being their whole career so this is a very nice surprise. I must admit that I don't know a whole lot about Arn and I know nothing at all about Tully so I'm very excited to find out what they've got going for them. I'm also hoping that they get a decent lengthy run in the WWF because my natural assumption is that they're not going to be around for that long. Oh well, I'll just make sure I appreciate them while they're here.

Arn gets in some offence and then tags out to Tully but he finds himself caught in the faces corner where he stumbles around like a loon. Hehe. Jacques whiffs a second rope crossbody and finds himself eating the mat, ouch! Raymond gets in the ring but Bret rolls him up in a botchy small package and the Rougeaus are eliminated. Boo, they deserved to stick around longer. Roma winds up in the ring where he jumps straight from the mat up to the top rope right into a crossbody! Holy poo poo! I never woulda thought he had that in him!

Anvil brawls with Smash and nails him with a stiff knee. He tags out to Warlord and the crowd goes apeshit at the staredown between a Demolition and a Power of Pain. I hate that this is the big money tag match but I can't deny that the fans wanted it bad. They have a brief brawl but it ends fast as Shawn comes back in. He goes for a crossbody but Smash catches him and dumps him in the heels corner where they all just start beating the poo poo out of him. It's a bit of a mugging. Arn's in next and he hits Shawn with a hugeass spinebuster.


Wanna marry dat sexy spinebuster

That's got to be it for Shawn but no, he kicks out! drat! Marty comes in and a Conquistador goes for a hiptoss but Marty reverses it into a scoop slam. Nice little move there. Volkoff takes his turn in the ring and starts throwing all the little dudes off of pin attempts. It really sells his power and it's the best he's ever looked even though it's the others doing all the work. Warlord nails a Gorilla press slam on a Conquistador then has another staredown and brawl with Ax. Once again, the crowd loves it. Barbarian and Smash take over and Smash gets taken out by some kind of jumping kick thingamybob. I have no idea what it was but it looked quite athletic.

Dynamite hits a brutal clothesline on Tully, who's really getting the short end of the stick so far. Powers goes for a second rope crossbody on Zhukov but he rolls through and the Stallions are out which brings us to four vs. four. Tully gets tagged in but he's got to face Barbarian so he just walks over and tags Volkoff straight away. Hehe, Tully is really winning me over with his character work, he's really giving off this weasely Eddie Guerrero vibe. When Zhukov comes in Gino tells Jesse to “look at the size of that cranium”. It's not that big, Gino. No need to be rude. Marty rolls up Zhukov with a sunset flip and the Bolsheviks are down. A Conquistador goes for a back body drop on Marty but he rolls over and through into a sunset flip! Sweet! I can't believe I was making GBS threads on this match before it started, it's been so good so far.

Tully's back in and he whips Davey into the corner with some ferocious velocity. Dynamite drops a flying knee drop from the top rope to a Conquistador, it looks so brutal. Big, big powerslam from Barbarian as well. Smash locks on a reverse chinlock on Barbarian but he just plain tears Smash's arms apart in a nice display of power. Anvil and Arn end up in the ring and drat, I really want to see these two just stiffing the gently caress out of each other for a good twenty minutes or so. Now that would be a good feud. The only thing that ruins the action is that for the second year in a row Anvil is having serious buttsweat issues. I think he might need to see a doctor about this.

Tully whips Bret into the corner but Bret floats over and nails Tully with a bridged German suplex. The ref counts the three and the Brain Busters are gone. Except hang on a second, no they're not. Apparently Tully got his shoulder up at the last second. But you know who did have both of their shoulders down on the mat? That's right, Bret just pinned himself. Wow. I'd be mad about them making Bret look like a goober but I'm laughing at him too much to care.


Bret screwing Bret

Dynamite replaces him and hits Tully with a piledriver. Marty comes in and mayhem ensues as things break down between the Rockers and the Brain Busters. Arn and Tully go for a double suplex to Marty but Shawn catches him AND THEN THERE'S SYNCHRONISED SUPERKICKS! loving awesome! Both teams are disqualified and the crowd boos but you can't complain about that one. Besides, neither team is done yet because they keep on brawling all the way up the aisle until security has to rush in and break them up. I'm so glad all four of these men are now here.

Back in the ring the action continues with a Conquistador getting a huge miss on a senton bomb. Fair play to the lad, he's got some weight on him so that's a big fall. Smash stiffs Dynamite with a big rear end clothesline. Davey hits the Running Powerslam on a Conquistador and Gino says that the odds of the Conquistadors winning this match stand at 100-1. Jesus! I get that their meant to be a jobber team but do you have to bury them that badly? Gino and Jesse then get outraged at Dynamite for a series of lackadaisical pins. I get the feeling Dynamite was doing something really bad cause both men sound genuinely pissed off with him.

Unfortunately with all the fast teams eliminated already the workrate has taken a hefty dip and it's only going to get worse because Dynamite whiffs the Flying Headbutt and that takes the Bulldogs out as well. That brings us down to Demolition and the Conquistadors against the Powers of Pain. Man, all the amazing tag teams that the WWF currently has available and these are the guys they want to push. I really hope once they've had their big Wrestlemania jizz-off we can churn through and get the decent teams in the title picture.


Workrate.jpg

By the way, I hate you Sean10mm because now that you've told me the Demolition match sequence I can't unsee it. As if they didn't suck enough already. Big beatdown on Warlord by Demolition as Fuji distracts the ref and it looks like this one is heading for a close. But wait! What's this? Fuji sits down on the ropes just as Smash runs into them and he takes a giant spill to the outside. There's another super quick count and Demolition are eliminated! I guess that's one way of keeping them and the Powers apart for a bit longer.

On the outside Fuji and Ax start getting in a bit of squabble so Fuji just straight up hits Ax with the cane. Demolition aren't having any of that though and they take Fuji out! They head to the back and once they're gone the Powers come over in concern. They help Fuji to his feet and then he joins them in their blooming corner! Oh... Oh god. IT WAS A SETUP ALL ALONG! :siren::bahgawd::siren:

There's still a little bit of housekeeping to take care of because the match isn't over quite yet. Barbarian squares off against a Conquistador but Fuji helps out with a trip up and then Barbarian follows with a headbutt, the Powers end up as the sole survivors. They celebrate with Fuji but Demolition come running back out and the two teams brawl until the Powers go running off.


WHY WARLORD WHY?!

This match really surprised me. I was expecting another godawful clusterfuck but it turned out to be a really well-paced match with some great story beats. The action was fast and snappy for the majority of time and when it started to slow down they didn't fanny about before getting to the ending. I also really like this double turn for Demolition and the Powers cause it adds intrigue to an otherwise predictable Wrestlemania setup. However, the one downside here is that I'm so not ready to see face Demolition. They're so awful and I have no idea how that gimmick works as faces.

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?

As a kid The Rockers were so much fun - they were so high energy and did poo poo I didn't really see anybody else doing. Even so I never expected Shawn to eventually become arguably the best wrestler of all time.

quote:

I don't know a whole lot about Arn

All you need to know about Arn is that he is, as one person once put it,"Your dad coming down the stairs after working a double-shift and you just woke him up by being too loud."

Randaconda
Jul 3, 2014

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Also, Arn had the best Wrestlemania cameo of all time

DeathChicken
Jul 9, 2012

Nonsense. I have not yet begun to defile myself.

That Fuji turn remains one of the most nonsensical things ever. "I'm the manager of the tag team champions. I know, I'll turn on them for these other guys who are decidedly *not* the tag team champions, during a non-title match so the belts don't even change hands to justify my turn, because ???"

Plus it robbed us of awesome Demolition promos like that one where Smash said Fuji had them train by making them push a truck up a hill while Fuji sat in it and rode the brake

Sandman from ECW
Sep 6, 2011

Glad you enjoyed the 20 man match, it's one of my favourites from the era.

Gavok
Oct 10, 2005

Brock! Oh, man, I'm sorry about your...

...tooth?


You know, back in 2008, Chikara's King of Trios tournament featured Team WWF which was One Man Gang, Ax and Smash, all in their late-50's/early-60's. That just sounds like Rarity's worst nightmare, barring an appearance by George "The Animal" Steele.

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

~*4 LIFE*~

Gavok posted:

You know, back in 2008, Chikara's King of Trios tournament featured Team WWF which was One Man Gang, Ax and Smash, all in their late-50's/early-60's. That just sounds like Rarity's worst nightmare, barring an appearance by George "The Animal" Steele.

I just threw up in my mouth a tiny little bit

The Animal has nothing on those three

Gavok
Oct 10, 2005

Brock! Oh, man, I'm sorry about your...

...tooth?


2008 One Man Gang had a very strong resemblance to Wilbur Cobb from Ren and Stimpy.

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

Rarity posted:

I just threw up in my mouth a tiny little bit

The Animal has nothing on those three

If it makes you feel any better their workrate was about as equal as it was here.

If you really wanna throw up they wore their same gear, more or less :barf:

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

~*4 LIFE*~


OH DEAR GOD WHY :gonk:

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!

Rarity posted:



OH DEAR GOD WHY :gonk:

Totally owns

edit: I wish I could find you a picture of Lord "Alfred" Biggus Dickus Hayes doing the helicopter with his weenie but I don't think hot rod ever took pictures of it.

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

~*4 LIFE*~

Platypus Farm posted:

edit: I wish I could find you a picture of Lord "Alfred" Biggus Dickus Hayes doing the helicopter with his weenie but I don't think hot rod ever took pictures of it.

Some things were not meant for mortal men to know

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

Rarity posted:



OH DEAR GOD WHY :gonk:

did i not loving tell you

KungFu Grip
Jun 18, 2008

C. Everett Koop posted:

did i not loving tell you

Ax was smart because he at least wore a singlet.

Randaconda
Jul 3, 2014

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Demolition was a good tag team, wtf. Sorry about y'alls bad taste.

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

~*4 LIFE*~

Randaconda posted:

Demolition was a good tag team, wtf. Sorry about y'alls bad taste.

Wait, you're only just realising now that I hate them?

Randaconda
Jul 3, 2014

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Rarity posted:

Wait, you're only just realising now that I hate them?

Yes. :smithcloud:

Alaois
Feb 7, 2012

Randaconda posted:

Demolition was a good tag team, wtf. Sorry about y'alls bad taste.

Randaconda posted:

Demolition was a much, much shittier Road Warriors.

???????

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?


Any version of the Road Warriors that is NOT the Road Warriors, no matter how good the two guys might be, is gonna be a much shittier version of the Road Warriors.

Open Marriage Night
Sep 18, 2009

"Do you want to talk to a spider, Peter?"


Does Rarity know that George Steele was actually a really nice guy? He was the football and wrestling coach at my moms high school, and recently had the football field named after him. To be fair, my mom was also creeped out by how hairy he was.

Here's the Animal and Safari Gene at the Detroit Zoo. https://youtu.be/2WZjOdKsiOg

Also, I was a huge Rockers fan when I was little. Marty was my guy, so future events worked me hard when I was like six.

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

~*4 LIFE*~

Open Marriage Night posted:

Does Rarity know that George Steele was actually a really nice guy? He was the football and wrestling coach at my moms high school, and recently had the football field named after him.

Yeah, he seemed like the kinda guy that would be a cuddly teddy bear outside the ring :unsmith:

Open Marriage Night
Sep 18, 2009

"Do you want to talk to a spider, Peter?"


This event was from around when I started watching wrestling. I was three, and I loved the Ultimate Warrior and Demolition. Rockers were neon and flashy, so they were cool too.

Randaconda
Jul 3, 2014

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

What? They were a lovely version of the Road Warriors, but were still a good team.

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Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

~*4 LIFE*~
Time for us all to calm down a bit with some promo segments. First up is going to be a backstage interview with Bad News Brown but first we've got an award.

MOST INCORRECT PREDICTION

Gorilla Monsoon: “This is going to be an exciting interview”


I'm glued to the edge of my seat

Sean Mooney is indeed in the back with Bad News and dear god, not only is this promo far from the excitement that we were just promised, it's also objectively a hot mess. Bad News says he walked out of his match because he smelt a conspiracy that everyone wanted to beat him. Mate, I'm not sure you get how tag teams work. He adds that “Survival Series” means nothing to him and even “a spineless cockroach” knows why he deserves a title shot. He's beaten everybody and even won the “Wrestlermania” Battle Royal while Randy Savage is just a champion hiding behind “a skirt”. Holy poo poo, please never let this man near a microphone again. Gino says that Bad News is still officially undefeated. Um, did you see what I just saw Gino cause even a voluntary loss is still a loss.

Meanwhile, Zombie Mean Gene has found his way through to the back to the locker room where the Powers of Pain and Mr. Fuji are waiting. Fuji explains that Demolition's heads got too big and they thought they didn't need him any more so he wanted to teach them at lesson. Zombie Mean Gene points out to the Powers that “I don't think this man can be trusted” in the most incredulous tones and Warlord responds with something entirely incomprehensible. Fuji explains that Demolition wouldn't even exercise if Fuji didn't make them. Haha, way to make your new big face tag team look like lazy fucks!

Gino and Jesse run us through the lineup for the next match and one thing I've neglected to mention is that every time they do this we get an awful CGI graphic of the team captains. They all look really bad but the reason I bring this up now is that the graphic for Andre the Giant and Dino Bravo is another degree of terrible.


I've seen better graphics on the PS2

Zombie Mean Gene is with Andre's team now, the man is getting some exercise today for sure. Bobby Heenan says that Andre's hands are going to squeeze around Jake Roberts's neck. Meanwhile Dino is coming after Hacksaw Jim Duggan so that he can bring shame to every American. Zombie Mean Gene turns to Rick Rude who calls him “divothead”. Ahahahaha. Rude adds that they'll be celebrating Turkey Day the ravishing way and Andre vows to win just like he won last year. All through this Harley Race stands around looking like the granddad with early stage dementia who's been dragged to the family barbecue who doesn't really understand what's going on. Yes yes, Harley. We'll get you a hot dog, it'll be grand.

We're not off the interview train just yet because Sean Mooney is now with the Mega Powers and company including a newly face Hercules. Everyone looks coked up as hell so I guess Hulk has been sharing his supply. Randy Savage yells, Koko B. Ware yells and Hillbilly Jim says the heat is coming from the kitchen. Herc' gives some bizarre threats to DiBiase and I'm guessing one of the guys in the back put him up to a challenge cause he slips in quotes of song titles from Guns n' Roses and the Rolling Stones. Hulk finishes up by saying the team has no weak link because Herc' stood in the Pacific and they all had a séance. I don't even loving know any more. He adds that they've got aerial assault, a mountain man and the strongest man in the world.


I BEAT ATLAS IN AN ARM WRESTLE AND HE HELD UP THE SKY, FOOL!

And as all the wrestlers come out for the next match we get our next award.

SIGN OF THE NIGHT


Gotta admire the wordplay

Jake “The Snake” Roberts, Hacksaw Jim Duggan, Tito Santana, Ken Patera and Scott Casey vs. Andre the Giant, Dino Bravo, Rick Rude, Mr. Perfect and Harley Race

quote:

INTRODUCING...



Now here's another guy who I think I've never been fair to in the past. When I first got into wrestling my introduction to Hennig was as part of the Millionaire's Club, one of the worst stables ever. For those of you who didn't watch late WCW the Millionaire's Club consisted of all the old guys who had lost their ability but stayed on top due to politicking. They were the faces because WCW. But because of this I just lumped Hennig in the same group as Hogan, Flair, Nash and such and wrote him off as a guy who should be retired and was never worth knowing about. But all the things I've heard about Hennig since make me think like he deserved better. I've no idea what's coming from his WWF run but I really hope he gets a decent shot of things so I can get a proper reassessment.

It sure is nice to have Hennig here and he looks very slick in his first few moments. Dino comes in and catches a monkey flip from Casey which he turns into an inverse atomic drop. I guess this is a good time to ask, who the gently caress is Scott Casey? He looks like the most generic no-name whatever they've had on a PPV in a while. Race follows up and I'm sad to see that despite having abdicated his throne he still can't let go cause he's kept the crown on his trunks. It's always sad to see someone trying to cling on to their bygone glory days (and I do use that term loosely). Race also seems to have added a few tattoos in the last few months so I fear he may have gone full on mid-life crisis.

Hennig stiffs Casey with a tough lariat and then gets one in return from Hacksaw. Rude tags in and ends up getting a strong beatdown from the faces as they each take their turn. Rude's selling is still on point. After a fairly lengthy buttkicking Rude manages to turn it around and hit the Rude Awakening on Patera, which is a very stiff neckbreaker. That's enough to get Patera out of the match and give the heels the advantage. And I would be remiss to go without mentioning Rude's latest sartorial wonder. Sadly he's not showing any buttface today but instead what he does have a pair of lady hands groping his butt.


And also his crotch

Not long after Dino connects with the Side Suplex on Casey and that's him eliminated as well. This match is starting to look very one sided. Hennig gets some shots in on Hacksaw but he just stands there no-selling them while mugging like a cartoon and no, gently caress this guy. Now I'm not saying that no-selling is always 100% awful. If used rarely then it can be a huge “oh poo poo” moment but this is not how you do it. When you treat your opponent's offence like a joke then the audience sees your opponent's offence as a joke. Hacksaw makes his opponents look like idiots because he's an idiot and it's not cool.

Tito and Dino go through a few lovely exchanges, it's the best I've seen from Dino yet. Tito then hits Race with the Flying Forearm and he's gone. The faces claw their way back into the match but unfortunately this is where Andre decides to get involved and he just goes wild on Tito. I really want to give Andre some credit here. When he first turned heel for WM3 he really didn't seem to be comfortable with it but over the course of 1988 he's really come into his own with this version of the character and now he's totally believable as this wild crazy monster of a man.

MOST HOMOEROTIC MOMENT

Jesse Ventura: “If Santana goes down they're in real big trouble”

Tito tries his best to fight back against Andre and he goes for a sunset flip but Andre just sits down on top of him. Yeah, Tito's not coming back from that one. Things are starting to look bad for Hacksaw and Jake. However, Andre winds up caught in the ropes and the crowd goes nuts as they take their opportunity to get in some decent shots. Andre frees himself and the heels manage to get Jake isolated. He takes a fair bit of punishment but suddenly he grabs Dino and hits...


THE RAINMAAAAAAAKERRRRRR

Jake tries to follow up with the DDT but Rude gets in the save with a hefty clothesline. Dino keeps things rolling with a sick piledriver. The heels continue the beatdown on Jake until he gets the crazy hot tag to Hacksaw, who runs in like a freight train right up until Frenchie distracts him. Dino uses the distraction to get a cheap shot and then slams Hacksaw to the outside. Reacting to this purported grievance with all the decorum for which he is known Hacksaw picks up his 2x4 and nails Dino with it right in front of the ref. For gently caress sake Hacksaw, you absolute moron. How many more times?! Hacksaw gets DQd for rule breaking as well he should. He shouts a very audible “Bullshit!” but no, Hacksaw. You keep on doing this and you never learn! You don't get to go around doing what you like and being pissy when things don't go your way.

Of course, this leaves us with Jake against the combined mights of Dino, Rude, Hennig and Andre. Yeah, I'm not liking his chances here. The crowd chants like crazy for the DDT while Jake tries to fight his way back into the match. He manages to hit Hennig with a knee which Hennig gives a big sell for. Hennig's really starting to look good here. Jake goes for the DDT again on Dino but it gets reversed into a back body drop. Oh dear, this is starting to get depressing now. Just call it a day, guys. You've got him beat, I don't need to see any more of this.

Rude takes over and just beats on Jake over and over and over. loving hell, is this really necessary? Rude hits a great top rope knee drop, that's still not the end though. Jesus, seriously. This is so not fun. But then Rude starts getting cocky and when he turns his back Jake pulls his pants down! That's right, the Ravishing One ends up with his ravishing butt exposed to all. Rude pulls his tights back up but it's enough of a distraction for Jake to hit the DDT and Rude's gone!


There ain't no face on it now!

Maybe Jake can do this! Maybe he's got a chance! No wait, Andre's coming back in. Welp. Andre goes completely loving mental on Jake. He throws him into the corner and chokes him and gouges him and tears at him and he looks so drat savage and Jake is wrecked. Jesus! Eventually Andre gets disqualified for ignoring the ref's five count but as soon as he's out of the ring Hennig walks in and just pins Jake without so much as a move. Hennig and Dino go down as the survivors and celebrate with Andre but Jake runs up with Damien and sends them fleeing to the back.

This was a fun match that set out to tell a story and told it well. It's great to see Jake getting a push up the card and the booking here really increased my levels of sympathy for him. It's also great to see Andre's stepping away from the main event because it means the top of the card is going to freshen up.

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