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I'm in a relationship now where the sex isn't really doing it for me. My suggestion for her to dress up more and look nicer made her try to break up with me. I persuaded her not to dump with me because I didn't want to be the jerk who permanently ruined her self-esteem. We're now gonna... talk and try different things in bed. Or something. I don't know what we're gonna do. If you are going to communicate, step one is don't be an rear end in a top hat.
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Sep 6, 2017 15:30
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Vegetable posted:
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Sep 6, 2017 15:34
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Counseling isn't a silver bullet to relationship problems but one worth trying if you're going through something fairly common (absolutely zero of the problems I've hit are common problems - almost the inverse). I went to a marriage counselor / therapist during a really rough patch before and she basically suggested a divorce after a couple sessions together and individually. Things are working better 5 years later, although both of us are cognizant of what the counselor said and it may be causing more problems today than helping. Fundamentally, most relationship counseling is only as effective as the desire for all involved parties to stay together in the first place. Another issue is also if both persons are actually communicating perfectly fine but neither wants to cooperate anymore with their wishes (deal breakers, ultimatums, etc.). So it's usually best to invoke marriage counseling, ironically, before any problems are occurring. If one person has checked out, even professional help isn't about to spark it back up again statistically. This seems obvious, but I've seen a lot of couples try to go to couples therapy expecting some spark back in their relationship or something and that's really a misconception for relationship counselors. You're better off taking a vacation together or starting a shared hobby neither of you are familiar with if that's what you want. Let me put it another way, the state of Tennessee offers discounts to marriage licenses (pretty steep if you're poor) if you see a licensed marriage counselor, and it has done little to keep it from being far and away the state with the highest rate of divorce in the country.
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Sep 6, 2017 15:41
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^^^agreed If black.lion was giving off the vibe of someone in this relationship has checked out, advice would be 'check out' but I still think counselling would assist with assessing if that's what one should do. I have read more than one article that suggested that people should start getting annual counselling sessions before they even get engaged! I am not sure how I feel about that but maybe the issues I had in my marriage would have been spotlighted way before they even became a problem. The later counselling helped in many ways but the base issue is still there and appears unsolvable. So yeah, counselling may not resolve the problem but might help for each person to get better insight before decisions are made to try harder or split. And in the end, one can say they tried everything and the break up likely easier.
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Sep 6, 2017 15:55
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GeorginaSpica posted:I have read more than one article that suggested that people should start getting annual counselling sessions before they even get engaged! Read this as anal counseling and it still made sense for this thread.
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Sep 7, 2017 13:21
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I lost my virginity last night and have a few questions. When we were 69ing I ended up constantly smelling poo poo from his arse. Should I just make sure we both shower before we have sex next time? I couldn't do it for very long, the smell was so bad. After the first round of sex, I found out he was poly. Telling a friend this, he felt like that was something dishonest, since the guy I slept with had a boyfriend up north. Is that something you people agree with? I'm not really sure. They're a trans man, so pregnancy is a concern, but after it turned out I wasn't coming (I've been death gripping my cock and I'm correcting this now) we took the condom off. Should I get myself checked for STIs?
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Sep 26, 2017 21:41
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pregnancy from pre-cum is possible, as well I mean statistically the chance you have an sti is very low but...maybe don't try to reason about what birth control to use or not use in the heat of the moment, even if that means you don't get to have sex. Showering together before sex is fun. I don't really wanna touch the poly nonsense so all I'll say is "it depends".
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Sep 26, 2017 21:49
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Of course, me being very drunk at the time didn't make great decisions about that kinda thing. And we'll definitely be showering together next time.
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Sep 26, 2017 22:52
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There shouldn't be a next time imo since he lied to you about having a boyfriend, which is a pretty huge deal?
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Sep 27, 2017 00:10
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i like nice words
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I mean it's up to the person how much that bothers them but they are involving you in a poly relationship without your knowledge and therefore without your consent which would deffo be a dealbreaker for me?
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Sep 27, 2017 00:19
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Nondisclosure isn't really the same as lying, if he did lie that should be a no-brainer - don't associate with people who lie to you. It's still pretty awful that they wouldn't mention other partners when you chose to go without a condom.
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Sep 27, 2017 00:30
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Hazzard posted:I lost my virginity last night and have a few questions. Showering before sex is generally agreeable. If they're in an open relationship and didn't tell me I wouldn't call that dishonest; if they have their partner's permission to sleep around, I don't really care beyond that. Ditching the condom is concerning, though I guess if they knew you were a virgin they wouldn't worry about STIs. Still though. I wouldn't worry about getting checked immediately unless you have symptoms, but use condoms consistently from now on and when you're in a relationship where you and your partner want to go raw, get tested then. This person sounds kinda sketchy; nothing I'd say is morally wrong but I would not have sex with him again if it were me.
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Sep 27, 2017 00:40
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Always use condoms. It's not worth the risk for STDs or anything else. It's not just about trusting your partner, it's about trusting everyone your partner has ever been with. Also I literally have a precum baby asleep on my chest right now. Never underestimate a sperm. Sneaky fuckers.
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Sep 27, 2017 02:27
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I was under the impression that precum is only potent if you've previously ejaculated the same day without taking a piss in between, so it's basically the residual sperm left in your junk after ejaculation that hasn't been flushed out. That been debunked?
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Sep 27, 2017 02:49
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They conveniently "forgot" to mention their poly relationship, they have poor hygiene, they're totally willing to forego condoms at the drop of a hat... Sounds like a real winner. Seriously though, I don't know any poly relationships* that haven't got pretty strict rules about safe sex, it's very concerning that this guy was willing to drop that so quickly. I personally would get tested in a week or 2 for sure op, and again in 3 months. *(At least, the healthy ones, emotionally and physically)
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Sep 27, 2017 03:34
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This dude sounds like a trainwreck all around, between the poor hygiene, the rawdogging, and the not telling you he's in a relationship.
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Sep 27, 2017 04:25
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Always use a condom if you're having sex with someone you don't completely trust, you shouldn't trust someone who doesn't disclose something pretty important like them already being in a relationship, and you should definitely get an STI check as a result. Also yes shower, but 69ing sort of involves having your face in someone's arse either way unless you're much shorter than them.
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Sep 27, 2017 07:27
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69ing is more fun as a concept than reality usually, I find it hard to concentrate fully on both doing a thing and enjoying the other thing. Your mileage may vary though. Face full of butthole is not an issue so much if you like butts and don't have a terrible stanky butthole though. Never really encountered anything on the level of "unbearable for more than a couple of minutes" even without a shower so I dunno maybe he's just bad at wiping his rear end.
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Sep 27, 2017 16:53
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Personally I find it a bit offputting as I don't think it's a super attractive part of anybody's body. I find it works better if one person is far enough away to not have their face in it and the other just uses their hands, not least because unless you're the same height one of you is going to have to crick their neck a lot to be able to reach.
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Sep 27, 2017 18:56
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The best use of 69 is as a funny number like 420 it's not actually fun or good to do
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Sep 27, 2017 19:24
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Depends, does anyone who owns the penis mask from Clockwork Orange want to chime in?
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Sep 27, 2017 20:57
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Hazzard posted:I lost my virginity last night and have a few questions. Nice humblebrag
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Sep 28, 2017 06:39
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purple death ray posted:The best use of 69 is as a funny number like 420 it's not actually fun or good to do This person is way wrong, 69ing is the best sex move, but please make sure all the assholes involved are clean.
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Sep 29, 2017 00:09
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This might belong better in the goon doctor, but it's sex related so I figured I'd try here first. I'm a 25 year old male, and I've been having a harder and harder time getting an erection lately, and orgasms have become less and less intense. I thought maybe it was from jerking off too much, so I backed down to once a week which has helped historically in the past. It is not helping this time. Last weekend, I had taken a week away from masturbating, and I had a very meh orgasm and it was difficult to get/stay hard, even watching porn that has historically done it for me quite well. I took another almost week off, and tried again on Friday and today (twice this weekend). Both times I had a hard time actually maintaining an erection (I'd get hard, and then immediately start to lose it) and the orgasms barely felt like anything. I ejaculated more than usual, like I would expect from a week away from masturbation, but it just felt meh. I'm starting to be concerned that there's something medically wrong with me. I'm running a few times a week, my diet is somewhat poor but not completely atrocious, but I am in a somewhat stressful place right now. This inability to even jerk off is just adding onto that stress now, and I recently couldn't get it up with a girl as well. I feel mentally like I want to have a lot of sex, but physically my body is just in super-low libido mode right now. This mental-physical disconnect is really driving me crazy, as well. Am I at a point where I need to go to a doctor? Could my diet be loving me up that badly? Maybe I need to start lifting on top of running to try and get some testosterone going, I really don't know. I'm not overweight, if anything I'm slightly underweight.
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Oct 1, 2017 21:10
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ButtStuff69 posted:This might belong better in the goon doctor, but it's sex related so I figured I'd try here first. Protip: if you're wondering if you should see a doctor, the answer is see a doctor. Probably your problem is due to stress or otherwise psychological, but you should rule out medical problems and get advice from someone more qualified than Internet randos. I doubt lack of exercise or diet is the cause, but improving your lifestyle will make you feel better in general, which could help indirectly. At least take a multivitamin if you don't, that way you make sure you're not drastically lacking anything.
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Oct 1, 2017 21:22
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See a doctor if you can as they'll be able to tell you more than we can, though yes stress can have a pretty drastic impact on your sex drive. I would suggest that "mentally wanting to have a lot of sex" is not the same thing as feeling aroused and can basically amount to "I wish my brain wasn't hosed up right now" which is a feeling I would associate with depressiveness.
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Oct 1, 2017 23:25
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Yep. I definitely had/have trouble with arousal when depressed. See a doctor. Ask about Xanax or something. Improve your diet even just slightly. Meditate.
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Oct 4, 2017 23:13
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Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:Nondisclosure isn't really the same as lying, if he did lie that should be a no-brainer - don't associate with people who lie to you. It's still pretty awful that they wouldn't mention other partners when you chose to go without a condom. Quibbling is still a form of dishonesty and it sets a bad precedent.
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Oct 7, 2017 06:14
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How do I last longer during penetration? My ex complained that I always came too quickly with her even though I described having penetrative sex for hours with a couple of other people. With her, if I wasn't trying to last longer, I would end up coming in less than sixty seconds. I could last maybe 2-3 minutes if I tried my best to hold back. Sure, with her, we used lube and didn't wear condoms, which might explain the difference, but the first time we had sex, we used a dry uncomfortable condom and I still came quickly. When I google stuff like "how to last longer during sex", I get a bunch of articles that miss the point. They talk about how sex is more than penetration and that one should try more foreplay. And that's true. But penetration is fun and I want to do more of it, so my goal is to last longer at penetration specifically. So how the hell do I do that? The best I could find was "do kegels" with no explanation of why those would work, no results when I tried to do them for a couple of weeks, and some random blogger who was just like "do kegels when you're about to come", which also didn't seem to have any effect. What can I do? What are the habits I can practice, medications I can take, etc.? Also, what makes someone a good kisser? I read an article that said some survey showed men were more likely to enjoy having someone shove some tongue down their throat and women were more likely to hate that and it made me wonder if most people just have individual preferences for different behavior, which I think should be learnable. For example, in talking with my ex, she said that someone shoving their tongue in her mouth would be a "bad kisser" but also that some people are just great kissers and you'll never be a great kisser if you're not one already (spoiler: I was not a great a kisser  ). But it just seems like logical to me that if you can name something you don't like about a kiss and then stop doing it (e.g., I will stop shoving my tongue down into someone's mouth when making out with them), then that's clearly an improvement, as you're no longer doing something that your partner finds incredibly off-putting. So why can't you just pick out the things that people tend to like more, and try and them, and ask your partner if they enjoyed you doing "that thing with [your] lip on [their] lip" or something?It seems like if you have someone who can say "yes, I liked that" or "no, I didn't like that" and you have in mind a lot of different things to try doing while kissing them, that you can gradually learn to kiss them in a way that they find more and more pleasant over time. And it seems like, since everyone's preferences vary, the best kisser will be the one who can quickly figure out what their partner likes and show it to them - WITHOUT asking "how do you like to be kissed?" because most people probably haven't thought about it and wouldn't know how to answer. Instead, the best kisser likely has to try things and see how their partner likes it, either implicitly by watching their reactions or explicitly asking "did you like it when I did that thing?" Following that line of thought, can anyone (especially anyone who kisses women) please share anything they do while kissing that they have noticed was enjoyed, especially if it was enjoyed by more than one partner? Or anything someone did that you really found pleasant (especially if you are a woman? I hope that just asking this here is not too personal :/)? I'd love to have some specific things to try and to keep in mind, rather than thinking of things at random and probably surprising a lot of my dates. I really want to improve my kissing ability and penetration time. E: I hate to bold random sentences like a crazy person. Just realized this is a wall of text and wanted to make the questions I have easy to recognize. oliveoil fucked around with this message at 14:20 on Nov 12, 2017 |
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Nov 12, 2017 13:56
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I would say that if something feels good it's going to make you climax, that's how sex works. If you climax before your other half the solution I would suggest is to do things that they like more than you like. I don't really think there's a way that you can climax slower during sex without making it feel less good, cos that's kind of how it works. But the advice generally is that you do other things that your partner enjoys. Or rub lidocaine all over your dick I dunno that might also work.
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Nov 12, 2017 14:34
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OwlFancier posted:I would say that if something feels good it's going to make you climax, that's how sex works. So if something feels good on my dick, it will make me climax? That sounds like such an obvious thing I missed it. How do I make it feel less good for me without changing it for my partner? For me, the most important thing is feeling close and intimate with my partner - not feeling super sensitive and coming. That's a really small part - I honestly don't care much about coming. I can do that alone without a partner - the close, intimate experience is the most important to me. I really wish I could just turn off most of the feeling in my dick and just be super close and thrust a lot and kiss her a lot for a long time. quote:If you climax before your other half the solution I would suggest is to do things that they like more than you like. And what do I do when my partner's favorite thing is penetration? They don't want to do other "things that they like more than I like" because this is the thing that they like more than I like and they want to keep doing it, but they (understandably) don't want to use condoms and we'd rather not keep having sex after I come, for fear of unwanted pregnancy. Once I come, sex is over and we need to clean up before doing anything else. quote:I don't really think there's a way that you can climax slower during sex without making it feel less good This sounds totally fine to me. I'd say it feels "too good" sometimes, to the point where neither of us get to enjoy the experience of penetration as much as we like. quote:But the advice generally is that you do other things that your partner enjoys. My ex enjoyed penetration above all other things, honestly. For her, penetration is the best activity and she feels incredibly disappointed if it doesn't last. She really, really wanted a very long session of penetration. How do I do that with someone? I want it, too, honestly. I hate stopping, too - I would love it if I could just stay inside and enjoy being really close to my partner for a long time (15 minutes, 30 minutes, an hour ideally) without having to stop moving every thirty seconds because I'm about to come. quote:Or rub lidocaine all over your dick I dunno that might also work. I realize this is a joke but, honestly, if this was safe, didn't entirely eliminate sensation, and there was a way to make sure it only effected me (without using condoms) then I'd actually be totally up for doing this.
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Nov 12, 2017 14:55
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Numbing condoms are a thing, these sleeve sheath things (Amazon but NSFW) are a thing, strapons are a thing, fingering is a thing. When you come, if you want to keep penetration going, you don't have to do a big cleanup immediately, you can just scooch down the bed and keep going with your fingers or a toy or whatever. The "once I come, sex is over" mindset is probably worse than when exactly you come. e: wait, I thought you weren't using condoms with your ex but are using them with your current partner. If you aren't using them now, presumably she's on birth control? Why do you have to drop everything and clean up? Anne Whateley fucked around with this message at 15:10 on Nov 12, 2017 |
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Nov 12, 2017 15:07
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I guess you could try being less mentally engaged, for most people the act of having sex with a cool person is a big part of the appeal so if you don't really think about that so much then you will probably find it less enjoyable. Generally this is something people have to try to avoid doing because it's why stress kills libido but hey if you want to induce it I don't see why it'd not be doable the other way. As I said generally I the advice given is to do things other than penetrative intercourse if you find that finishes you but if you don't want to do other things you need to find a way to suck the enjoyment out of that which... well... to me seems like a bit of a bad idea but if you're set on it then cultivating the things that depress sexual enjoyment in other people would presumably work? I'd also echo as above how is it working if you're not on BC but aren't using condoms, if you're having sex without a condom you're at risk of pregnancy whether you whip it out or not... OwlFancier fucked around with this message at 15:30 on Nov 12, 2017 |
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Nov 12, 2017 15:25
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You're having sex without condoms but you're afraid to keep going after you finish because she might get pregnant? You've got bigger problems than what you're doing with your tongue
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Nov 12, 2017 15:42
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Anne Whateley posted:Numbing condoms are a thing, these sleeve sheath things (Amazon but NSFW) are a thing, strapons are a thing, fingering is a thing. When you come, if you want to keep penetration going, you don't have to do a big cleanup immediately, you can just scooch down the bed and keep going with your fingers or a toy or whatever. The "once I come, sex is over" mindset is probably worse then when exactly you come. Yeah, for penetration my ex didn't want anything but PiV. Numbing condoms are still condoms and prevent full contact, those sleeve sheath things look interesting but also prevent contact, strap-ons are not P, and she didn't want fingering, only P. Scooching down the bed and continuing with fingers or a toy are also not PiV. :/ If it helps, I don't become flaccid after I come and would be glad to just continue as if nothing happened, if there was someway to prevent my cum from being inside her for any amount of time long than the initial few seconds after I come. I don't think pulling out would be acceptable in all cases, since I still "leak" for a bit afterward and that is also a break, when the goal is a long period of uninterrupted, full-contact thrusting without risk of pregnancy beyond the first few seconds after I come. It almost seems like a vasectomy work here, except I'd like to be able to have kids some day. quote:e: wait, I thought you weren't using condoms with your ex but are using them with your current partner. If you aren't using them now, presumably she's on birth control? Why do you have to drop everything and clean up? Sorry, I am actually not dating anyone at the moment, and I keep having my ex in mind when I talk about this, so my tenses are messed up. I still want to improve my ability to do penetration in the future. Also, it seems like there's a possibility of us getting back together, but my inability to last long during penetration is really unpleasant for her when we're having sex. I would like to fix this. OwlFancier posted:I'd also echo as above how is it working if you're not on BC but aren't using condoms, if you're having sex without a condom you're at risk of pregnancy whether you whip it out or not... The scenario is birth control but no condoms where we're willing to accept the risk of pregnancy from coming inside but not the risk of pregnancy from leaving the cum inside for more than a few seconds, so it's important for my partner to stop and clean it / remove it immediately. Sorry, both of you. I know it's frustrating to have someone shoot down all your suggestions. I can say that for me, I would personally have much more fun if I could last longer without using some kind of condom or taking time to do other things, and for my ex in particular, it wasn't just more fun but seemed to actually be essential to her satisfaction. Thank you for taking to the time to try to help. Maybe a urologist or sex therapist would know more about dicks or sex (respectively) and be able to suggest something? purple death ray posted:You're having sex without condoms but you're afraid to keep going after you finish because she might get pregnant? Using birth control, but yes. Would prefer to minimize the chances of pregnancy after coming.
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Nov 12, 2017 15:43
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I'm not a sexyologist but unless she's running outside to shove a pressure washer up her vag the minute you finish I don't know that it's going to make an enormous difference as far as pregnancy goes. Your penis is a device for depositing semen somewhere that it won't fall out afterwards. There isn't a five second rule with jizz that I'm aware of. And, I mean, depending on the type of BC you're using it shouldn't actually make any difference whether she stands on her head and goes at it with a ram rod afterwards, there's nothing for it to fertilize. Most of them work by preventing the eggs from implanting or being released afaik. OwlFancier fucked around with this message at 16:10 on Nov 12, 2017 |
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Nov 12, 2017 16:03
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Honestly it sounds like you're still trying to satisfy your ex and her very specific sexual needs, which also sounds like she was completely uninterested in compromising said needs. I think you should just move on, hopefully you meet someone who is a little more realistic about your dick and its limitations. Like sure everyone would love to go hard for hours like a porn star but most human bodies don't work that way. I don't think anyone should be made to feel bad about their body by their partner, whether it's the stereotype of a guy body shaming a lady or whatever your ex has done to you here. Not every woman is your ex, and she is gone now. You're not going to retroactively satisfy her by torturing your dick now with a bunch of weird techniques some sketchy website tells you about. Just be you and see how it goes the next time you get with a lady.
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Nov 12, 2017 16:35
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Well, it sounds pretty likely that she'll feel like getting back together, so I wouldn't say she's "gone". And I don't have any trouble staying hard after coming, I don't really go soft afterward. It's just the matter having to clean up that is the main problem. And my ex has never made me feel bad about anything. I really thought she was happy with the sex we were having. It was later after we broke up that she admitted that even though she came and it felt good to have sex, it didn't last as long as she wanted and she always felt like she wanted it to continue. If we do get back to together, then I don't want to compromise on this - I just want to do it exactly how she wants it. Compromise is a good and fine thing but I'd like to give her what she finds ideal. And if not her, then someone else later. And let's not forget that I would personally enjoy this very much myself. E: I didn't realize the risk of pregnancy was the same regardless of whether she cleans up immediately after I come inside her or waits until a half-hour later, after I've come inside her a few more times. But I think finding a bunch of articles on the Internet to try to "prove" that's she's wrong and that her fear here is invalid is a pretty lovely thing to do. Maybe combined with briefly pulling out, this might be reassuring. Not sure. oliveoil fucked around with this message at 16:57 on Nov 12, 2017 |
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Nov 12, 2017 16:49
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I hope that you don't get back together with her - as others have said, she appears to have insulted song hurt you and no one deserves to be in a relationship with someone who holds them/their sexuality in such contempt!
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Nov 12, 2017 17:12
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be good and try hard! 
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fwiw your ex does seem to be rather a bad sexhaver if she's demanding one specific thing and not willing to work around the limitations of your human body. As I said it's not really a super great idea, I think, to get into the habit of loving up your dick either physically or psychologically for the benefit of someone else, cos chances are it's gonna gently caress itself up at some point be it with age or life or whatever. You should be able to enjoy the time you have with your functioning dick, with someone else who understands that. Also while I obviously don't have the details "I must learn to gently caress my dick up because my ex demands it" is not... the best look in the world. It doesn't sound like a great relationship honestly. Just saying.
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Nov 12, 2017 17:26
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