What exactly is "lotion"?

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > What exactly is "lotion"?

Cyril Sneer: Aug 8, 2004; Life would be simple in the forest except for Cyril Sneer. And his life would be simple except for The Raccoons.

I travel a lot for work and so I've stayed in many hotels. The bathrooms always come equipped with a nondescript bottle of lotion. But I can never figure it out...is it soap? Moisturizer? Personal lubricant? Idgi goons, help me out here.

# ? Oct 12, 2017 02:56

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# ? Apr 24, 2024 12:55

myDad: Jan 20, 2010; ce n'est pas ma m�re; College Slice

It's whatever your heart desires

# ? Oct 12, 2017 02:57

paul_soccer10: Mar 28, 2016; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

A lotion is a low-viscosity topical preparation intended for application to unbroken skin.

# ? Oct 12, 2017 02:57

Honky Dong Country: Feb 11, 2015

It's cum.

# ? Oct 12, 2017 02:58

Heath: Apr 30, 2008; 🍂🎃🏞️💦

paul_soccer10 posted:

A lotion is a low-viscosity topical preparation intended for application to unbroken skin.

Yeah, it�s this.

# ? Oct 12, 2017 03:00

Cyril Sneer: Aug 8, 2004; Life would be simple in the forest except for Cyril Sneer. And his life would be simple except for The Raccoons.

paul_soccer10 posted:

A lotion is a low-viscosity topical preparation intended for application to unbroken skin.

See now this guy gets my me! It'd be like opening the fridge to find a bottle of drink.

# ? Oct 12, 2017 03:00

WatermelonGun: May 7, 2009

Legacy
Of
Terror
In
Occupied
Nations

# ? Oct 12, 2017 03:02

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

Cyril Sneer posted:

I travel a lot for work and so I've stayed in many hotels. The bathrooms always come equipped with a nondescript bottle of lotion. But I can never figure it out...is it soap? Moisturizer? Personal lubricant? Idgi goons, help me out here.

it's basically chemicals and grease

if you're a dude rent some hotel porn and use it to charge your crystal with your bro

# ? Oct 12, 2017 03:05

Dog Jones: Nov 4, 2005; by FactsAreUseless

paul_soccer10 posted:

A lotion is a low-viscosity topical preparation intended for application to unbroken skin.

Whoa! humble SA goon paul_soccer10 a possible secret einstein of lotions ? Any buzzfeed reporters seeing this post?

# ? Oct 12, 2017 03:09

Bloody Hedgehog: Dec 12, 2003; 💥💥🤯💥💥
Gotta nuke something

For guys it's nothing, then you learn that for women it must be one of the most important substances on earth since they use it every god-damned day of their lives.

Oh, maybe I didn't eat the best today, oh well. Ahhh, I'll skip my exercise today, whatever. Wait, OUT OF LOTION?!?!? BUT I HAVE TO MOISTURIZE!!!!! Oh god, are there any 24-hour pharmacies around here??? *starts to hyperventilate*

# ? Oct 12, 2017 03:09

ClamdestineBoyster: Aug 15, 2015; Can't post for 10 years!

They put that there so you actually soap up your hair with lotion instead of shampoo and then spend half hour washing it out.

# ? Oct 12, 2017 03:14

Cyril Sneer: Aug 8, 2004; Life would be simple in the forest except for Cyril Sneer. And his life would be simple except for The Raccoons.

I don't understand why they just don't call it moisturizer :confused:

# ? Oct 12, 2017 03:22

Altared State: Jan 14, 2006; I think I was born to burn

Rub it on your penis (if you have one)

# ? Oct 12, 2017 03:26

spinderella: Jul 15, 2017; by FactsAreUseless

Bloody Hedgehog posted:

For guys it's nothing, then you learn that for women it must be one of the most important substances on earth since they use it every god-damned day of their lives.

Oh, maybe I didn't eat the best today, oh well. Ahhh, I'll skip my exercise today, whatever. Wait, OUT OF LOTION?!?!? BUT I HAVE TO MOISTURIZE!!!!! Oh god, are there any 24-hour pharmacies around here??? *starts to hyperventilate*

It puts the lotion on its skin or it gets the crows again.

# ? Oct 12, 2017 03:27

A Concrete Divider: Jan 20, 2012; The Unbearable Whiteness of Eating

Always thought it was pretty much just mayo and sour cream mixed

# ? Oct 12, 2017 03:46

Neukoln19: Oct 27, 2005

its some cold rear end goop that girls like, op

# ? Oct 12, 2017 03:49

Neukoln19: Oct 27, 2005

youll need some if you ever get a tattoo, as well, op mcdumbass

# ? Oct 12, 2017 03:49

Seashell Salesman: Aug 4, 2005; Holy wow! That "Literally A Person" sure is a cool and good poster. He's smart and witty and he smells like a pure mountain stream. I posted in his thread and I got a FANCY NEW AVATAR!!!!

If you don't know lotion is for self-abuse then, what, do you use actual lube all the time? Just go dry?

# ? Oct 12, 2017 03:50

OXBALLS DOT COM: Sep 11, 2005; by FactsAreUseless; Young Orc

Cyril Sneer posted:

I don't understand why they just don't call it moisturizer

Because it doesn't actually add moisture to skin, it just helps trap thr existing moisture

# ? Oct 12, 2017 04:01

OXBALLS DOT COM: Sep 11, 2005; by FactsAreUseless; Young Orc

Seashell Salesman posted:

If you don't know lotion is for self-abuse then, what, do you use actual lube all the time? Just go dry?

Yes.

# ? Oct 12, 2017 04:02

Percelus: Sep 9, 2012; My command, your wish is

lotion is a thing cut men like me need to self satisfy because the cornflakes guy convinced our dumb nation it was a good way to stop boys from touching themselves

# ? Oct 12, 2017 04:18

Egbert Souse: Nov 6, 2008

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=20z4edLGxHE

# ? Oct 12, 2017 04:23

Seashell Salesman: Aug 4, 2005; Holy wow! That "Literally A Person" sure is a cool and good poster. He's smart and witty and he smells like a pure mountain stream. I posted in his thread and I got a FANCY NEW AVATAR!!!!

Egbert Souse posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=20z4edLGxHE

Yeah also this.

# ? Oct 12, 2017 04:24

A Concrete Divider: Jan 20, 2012; The Unbearable Whiteness of Eating

Cummy greasy mayo

# ? Oct 12, 2017 04:24

Percelus: Sep 9, 2012; My command, your wish is

many a goon have commented my voice is eerily similar to buffalo bill

# ? Oct 12, 2017 04:26

Orkin Mang: Nov 1, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

its a kind of cream

# ? Oct 12, 2017 04:27

McGurk: Oct 20, 2004; Cuz life sucks, kids. Get it while you can.

a balm, or salve, but not annoying to say.

# ? Oct 12, 2017 04:30

Cyril Sneer: Aug 8, 2004; Life would be simple in the forest except for Cyril Sneer. And his life would be simple except for The Raccoons.

OXBALLS DOT COM posted:

Because it doesn't actually add moisture to skin, it just helps trap thr existing moisture

Thank you, goon, for your factual and informative answer to my question regarding lotion :patriot:

# ? Oct 12, 2017 04:44

Genesplicer: Oct 19, 2002; I give your invention the worst grade imaginable: An A-minus-minus!; Total Clam

TheManWithNoName posted:

a balm, or salve, but not annoying to say.

Could it also be an unguent?

# ? Oct 12, 2017 04:45

Haverchuck: May 6, 2005; the coolest

scented goo

# ? Oct 12, 2017 04:46

numberoneposter: Feb 19, 2014; How much do I cum? The answer might surprise you!

the secret ingredient to macaroni and cheese

# ? Oct 12, 2017 04:57

ClamdestineBoyster: Aug 15, 2015; Can't post for 10 years!

Bloody Hedgehog posted:

For guys it's nothing, then you learn that for women it must be one of the most important substances on earth since they use it every god-damned day of their lives.

Oh, maybe I didn't eat the best today, oh well. Ahhh, I'll skip my exercise today, whatever. Wait, OUT OF LOTION?!?!? BUT I HAVE TO MOISTURIZE!!!!! Oh god, are there any 24-hour pharmacies around here??? *starts to hyperventilate*

My fur keeps me moisturized most of the time but I get ashy like twice a year so I gotta hit up the lotion. :mrapig:

# ? Oct 12, 2017 05:33

Vakal: May 11, 2008

Bloody Hedgehog posted:

For guys it's nothing, then you learn that for women it must be one of the most important substances on earth since they use it every god-damned day of their lives.

Oh, maybe I didn't eat the best today, oh well. Ahhh, I'll skip my exercise today, whatever. Wait, OUT OF LOTION?!?!? BUT I HAVE TO MOISTURIZE!!!!! Oh god, are there any 24-hour pharmacies around here??? *starts to hyperventilate*

Women breath through their skin like amphibians, so they suffocate if it gets too dried out.

# ? Oct 12, 2017 06:07

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

It's a masturbatory aid.

# ? Oct 12, 2017 07:03

r u ready to WALK: Sep 29, 2001

It's personal lubricant that's less embarrassing when your mom finds it

# ? Oct 12, 2017 07:05

unpleasantly turgid: Jul 6, 2016; u lightweights couldn't even feed my shadow ;*

A euphemism for semen you keep around after the first round so the second is better

# ? Oct 12, 2017 07:06

Jukeboxblues: Jul 29, 2015; Grimey Drawer

I think its a plasma ?

# ? Oct 12, 2017 08:05

Blast of Confetti: Apr 21, 2008; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

WatermelonGun posted:

Legacy
Of
Terror
In
Occupied
Nations

inshallah

# ? Oct 12, 2017 09:19

The Dennis System: Aug 4, 2014; Nothing in Jurassic World is natural, we have always filled gaps in the genome with the DNA of other animals. And if the genetic code was pure, many of them would look quite different. But you didn't ask for reality, you asked for more teeth.

It enmoistens you are skin.

# ? Oct 12, 2017 10:08

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SMILLENNIALSMILLEN: Jun 26, 2009

It's an unguent, op.

# ? Oct 12, 2017 10:53

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