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The Twin Towers were a team better than the sum of their parts. For whatever Bossman could do and Akeem couldn't (a lot), they had fun times just throwing each other at the opponents like 500 pound wrecking balls
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Oct 16, 2017 16:47
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Glad you're digging the All-American Boys theme. Just know that one of the Rougeaus will have another fantastic theme song in a couple years, which will be followed up by maybe the silliest theme song in WWF history.
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Oct 16, 2017 18:02
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Curt Hennig vs. The Blue Blazer Oh my god. Thank you. I have no words.  A saviour in neon spandex Seriously, after the trashheap of manure I just had to sit through this is like a palette cleanser and a warm shower all rolled in to one. Hennig/Owen is a match I never even realised I wanted to see until right now. Thank you, Vince. The wrestlers come out and square off and Jesse is really giving this the hype on commentary. As well he should be. Even so, he's really working hard to put the ability of both these guys over. Hennig gives Blazer a good solid bitchslap and receives a couple in return with interest. He goes for a hiptoss but Blazer jumps through and hits a scoop slam. Dear god, this is so loving good. It's just a step above everything else we've seen so far tonight. Meanwhile, on commentary Jesse says he's got a big surprise coming for us. Trust me, don't get your hopes up. Blazer goes up top and tries a body splash but Hennig gets the knees up and Blazer launches himself the rest of the way across the ring. Sadly, while I'm feeling this one the crowd is really rather silent. I almost feel like they're so unfamiliar with this kind of action they don't quite understand how to take it. Blazer whips Hennig into the corner where he hits hard. He stumbles out and walks right into a belly to belly. Blazer gets in a lovely crucifix pin and here's where the crowd starts coming to life with a long two count. Blazer complains to the ref and turns right into the Perfectplex to give Hennig the win.  drat, that move is purdy This was such a breath of fresh air. The action was superb all the way through and did a lot to revive a PPV that was really starting to drag. It's becoming clear that there's a really talented new generation coming through that herald the future of wrestling, it's just a question of how long it's going to take for them to come through. Even with all this praise though it's got to be said that this should have had much more time. I feel like we barely scratched the surface of what these guys can do. So as he claimed Jesse does indeed have a surprise for us! What could it possibly be? Well, if you guessed the answer was Jesse then you're going straight through to the bonus round. Finkel gives him a shout out and Jesse stands up to greet the crowd and if this is my Christmas present then I really hope that he's saved the receipt. Gino comments that Jesse hasn't got much money left tied up in wardrobe so I guess it's that time again.  Now correct me if I wrong but I have a feeling that we've seen this jacket before. I think this might well be the same jacket Jesse wore for his refereeing duties at Summerslam '88. Which is all well and good. I'm not going to get on at a man for re-wearing a jacket, that's what they're there for. What I will get on at him about is how he's paired it with a blue and pink paint-splattered T-shirt that looks like someone's just murdered a Smurf. And that's ignoring the crowning glory of this ensemble, a gold sequin do-rag monogrammed with the name 'JESSE'.  It's ok, we already know what your name is Lord Alfred sure did get himself about this Wrestlemania weekend. Not only was he covering the special breakfast, he's also taken the time to man the microphone at the prestigious Wrestlemania 5k Run. He's there to report on the bizarre sight of Mr. Fuji being one of the competitors in the run, which is almost as bizarre as the fact that we even need a 5k Run to celebrate Wrestlemania in the first place. Fuji has entered to show that the Powers of Pain will win the big Tag Team title match. I'm not sure how Fuji equates his own running skill to the Powers' wrestling skill but there you go. The runners line up for the starter's pistol and before the gun can go he's already off and running. Apparently WWF officials haven't heard of false starts. However, he's barely gone ten yards before he's being overtaken. Perhaps you shouldn't have gone running in dress shoes, Fuji. At the end of the race Fuji comes in with a respectable finish in the middle of the pack and despite his incredibly blatant cheating Alfred says that Fuji has proven he's in great shape. Back in the ring we go for what is sure to be another exciting and thrilling matchup between... wait, what's this? Finkel announces it's time for a special guest performance. Who could it possibly... Oh. Oh no. Why would anyone involved ever agree to this? It's Run DMC here to perform their very own Wrestlemania rap. Oh dear. Oh god. gently caress me, why? This is one of the cringeyest things I've ever seen from wrestling.  Walk this way (down the entrance and out of the arena) Look, here's the deal. Run DMC are cool. Wrestling is not cool. Wrestling makes Run DMC not cool by association. Do you want to know how awful this is? I tried to find a video of this from Youtube to share with you all. One doesn't exist. Do you know how hard it is to not exist on Youtube? Everything exists on Youtube. I can show you a child covered in ice cream eating from his own head. I can show you a man in a giant inflatable Superman costume. I can show you naked mannequins invading Japan. What I can't show you is Run DMC's Wrestlemania Rap because not a single person has chosen to upload it. Afterwards Gino says that “a little bit of that went a long way with me”. Oh, Sassy Gino, not even you can save this.
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Oct 18, 2017 07:36
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In fairness, WWE is pretty aggressive taking down Youtube stuff, and also it's music so Run DMC's label probably are watching for content matching as well.
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Oct 18, 2017 07:46
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The Perfectplex is a top class move, but it's a shame that the victim's shoulders are never really on the mat during the pin.
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Oct 18, 2017 10:08
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Defiance Industries posted:Shawn was. Wasn't by the time this went down. From seeing his Twitter post-lawsuit Hogan just seems like a dude who retweets fans dressed like him, goes to his memorabilia store to sign autographs, and provides Jimmy Hart with the souls necessary to maintain his corporeal presence in this realm Also Bushwhackers/Rougeaus cannot be talked about without speaking of that moment: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5ySzohZsNY&t=1660s CubsWoo fucked around with this message at 17:34 on Oct 19, 2017 |
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Oct 19, 2017 17:30
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CubsWoo posted:Also Bushwhackers/Rougeaus cannot be talked about without speaking of that moment: I can't believe I forgot to mention that! I had it down for Most Homoerotic Moment but something else came along and I forgot to add it back into my notes. Yes, the Rougeaus subtle incitement of gay panic is another thing that makes them amazing
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Oct 19, 2017 17:56
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Rarity posted:I can't believe I forgot to mention that! I had it down for Most Homoerotic Moment but something else came along and I forgot to add it back into my notes. Gay incest panic
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Oct 21, 2017 00:18
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Ya know, I kinda talked poo poo about this project going nowhere at the end of the first thread but I have to give total kudos to Rarity for legit giving this, pretty insane, project a drat good shot. I'm legit shocked it's come as far as it has.
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Oct 21, 2017 19:55
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I'm just glad we were able to avoid spoiling Akeem the African Dream, something all wrestling fans should at least be peripherally aware of.
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Oct 21, 2017 21:17
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OldTennisCourt posted:Ya know, I kinda talked poo poo about this project going nowhere at the end of the first thread but I have to give total kudos to Rarity for legit giving this, pretty insane, project a drat good shot. May this thread last until it is as long and as thick as Lord Alfred Hayes's Johnson
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Oct 22, 2017 01:53
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OldTennisCourt posted:Ya know, I kinda talked poo poo about this project going nowhere at the end of the first thread but I have to give total kudos to Rarity for legit giving this, pretty insane, project a drat good shot. I currently have another 52 pages of stuff written up 
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Oct 22, 2017 03:10
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...may I be so bold as to ask you to post them at a quicker rate pretty please? Us masses, we be ravenous and enjoy your writings!
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Oct 22, 2017 15:15
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Yeah, without being pushy I would have to concur. Simply because I want to see if you make it over the big hump that is 1995. There's a LOT of bad and forgettable PPVs once WWF switches to the monthly format between 1995 and the Attitude Era (which would seem to be your starting point of fandom). I mean...WM 2 and WM 4 are definitely examples of mostly bad shows from a wrestling standpoint, but they're still extremely historically significant so that there's still a lot to talk about with them. A lot of the monthly PPVs from in 95/96 you can watch and basically go..."well that was a thing" and realize 5 seconds later it meant nothing. Shiki Dan fucked around with this message at 15:44 on Oct 22, 2017 |
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Oct 22, 2017 15:37
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It's better she takes her time so she's never overwhelmed imo
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Oct 22, 2017 15:46
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Before we kick on with the next match there's time for a recap video of the issues between Demolition and the Powers of Pain. You may well remember from earlier in this thread the events of Survivor Series where Mr. Fuji turned on Demolition and aligned himself with the Powers. It was surprisingly not poo poo. In the interim Fuji interjected himself against Demolition by throwing his ceremonial salt into Ax's eyes. As feuds go it's all been fairly self-explanatory really. Zombie Mean Gene is in the back with Demolition for one final word which turns into a very shouty promo. I can't really make out much of what they're saying but Ax calls renames Fuji as 'Fuj the Stooge'. I don't think it's going to catch on. Demolition have been to the JRPG Antagonist store for this show cause they've gotten themselves a whole load of extra spikes. Tag Team Title Match The Powers of Pain and Mr. Fuji vs. Demolition Brace yourselves, friends. I have a feeling this is going to be a rough one. The Powers and Fuji are out first and Fuji takes a moment to prepare the ring with his salt. This is not a euphemism. Demolition are out next and in a way I'm almost kinda into their entrance. I mean, they are the tag team champs and they are the good guys and there's not really any better options for lovely Legion of Doom rip-offs. It's like they've worn me down by attrition. So yes, I'm into their entrance. For about a minute.  Right up until I realise they're wearing assless chaps Gino and Jesse get into debating the merits of each team. Jesse claims that Demolition will be slightly quicker but seriously, how can you tell? Gino describes the Powers and Fuji as a “mongrel team”. I'd love to believe this isn't because the team has a mixture of ethnicities but based on tonight's record, I really can't. Oh yes, there's a match happening as well. It's all very dull and the crowd doesn't even give a poo poo. That's a shocker to me. This is meant to be your big money match in the tag division and so far it's falling flat on its rear end. It's all Demolition in the early stages. The Barbarian gets in a moment of offence but Smash fights back and Demolition hits a double clothesline to the Warlord. Fuji distracts Ax which is enough to allow the Powers to take over. Fuji tags in and headbutts Ax right in the dick. No more baby hatchets for you, son! The Barbarian connects with a big boot and a shoulder tackle and then Fuji goes up top but whiffs an elbow drop. Fair play to Fuji, you're not seeing Jimmy Hart take that bump.  I'm astonished Gino refrained from some kind of “dropping bombs” remark Smash finally comes in with a damp squib of a hot tag and the match breaks down. The Warlord grabs hold of Smash as Fuji gets out the salt but Smash ducks out of the way and Fuji sprays his salt in the Warlord's eyes. This is not a euphemism. Demolition hit Fuji with the Double Team Elbow and they retain the belts. This match was a whole load of dross. The WWF spent over six months building up to this one. Just think about that for a second. Over six months of storytelling to invest this conflict with all the emotion and tension that they could muster. All that time and they couldn't incite the crowd to give a single poo poo about any of these men. There were so many better things they could have been doing with these belts but instead this is where we ended up. What a huge loving waste of everybody's time. Out in the wilds of the Trump Plaza, intrepid explorer Tony Schiavone waits for a rare sighting of the lesser-spotted WWF champion, Randy Savage. This is a vicious and nasty beast, well known for hiding in its lair throughout the day until hunger forces it to hunt. Schiavone has the patience to wait for a sighting of this creature and its natural habitat but Savage does not walk through his dressing room doors and Schiavone is forced to wait until nightfall or the next cocaine delivery. Dino Bravo w/ Frenchie Martin vs. Rugged Ronnie Garvin Oh geez, are we really doing this? I've got to be honest here, this is starting to feel like a slog. I could have happily gone without this match. Ok, let's just power through and get to the other side. Both men make their way out and they're just about to get started when all of a sudden Finkel puts us all on hold. You see, we have to interrupt these proceedings for something incredibly important: an appearance from Superfly Jimmy Snuka! Snuka's music plays and he walks out and he poses and he... walks back up the entrance. Wait, what? When did this turn into an episode of Family Guy? I don't watch the WWF for non-sequitur comedy. Seriously, this is one of the most bizarre moments I've seen during this thread. Snuka walks out and everyone cheers and Gino and Jesse go nuts and they act like it's a really big deal that he's here and then HE DOES NOTHING! MOST INCORRECT PREDICTION Gorilla Martin: “We're going to be seeing a whole lot more of Superfly Jimmy Snuka I'm sure.”  Maybe so but the question is do we really want to? With that confusing interruption out of the way it's time to get on with things. Now that I get a proper look at him it really feels like Garvin is an off-brand Ric Flair. Less limousine-riding and kiss-stealing and more subway-riding and wallet-stealing. Things get started with Dino on the upswing and he quickly gets Garvin trapped in a bear hug.  MY HUG GONNA MAKE YOUR HEAD POP WITH LOVE! Dino lifts Garvin up for a powerbomb but Garvin struggles his way out of it. This is about as exciting as this one is going to get, I fear. Sassy Gino confirms my fears by admitting “we won't see many flying headscissors or figure 4s”. Garvin goes for a piledriver but Dino reverses it into a back body drop except Garvin rolls through into a sunset flip. Dino responds with the Side Suplex and this one's already over. After the match Garvin attacks Dino and Frenchie and they flee to the back. I think this might been the lowest relevance a match has ever had at Wrestlemania. This wasn't even a Raw match. This was a HeAT match. All this match achieved was it allowed me to shoehorn in an Angry Mark gif. I'm going to be really sad when Dino leaves and I have to stop doing them.
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Oct 22, 2017 17:04
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As a kid I COMPLETELY bought into the idea of the Powers of Pain being impervious to pain (or rather, in control of it) and I remember watching them vs Demolition (I assume it was this match) and seeing them selling and just immediately losing complete interest in them. I guess that's the pitfall of marketing a team based solely on the idea that they can't be hurt, then having them get beat up.
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Oct 23, 2017 00:25
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Jerusalem posted:As a kid I COMPLETELY bought into the idea of the Powers of Pain being impervious to pain (or rather, in control of it) and I remember watching them vs Demolition (I assume it was this match) and seeing them selling and just immediately losing complete interest in them. for some reason the WWF loved their tag-team hoss-offs even though they were always a pain to sit through.
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Oct 23, 2017 00:53
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Rarity posted:Now that I get a proper look at him it really feels like Garvin is an off-brand Ric Flair. Less limousine-riding and kiss-stealing and more subway-riding and wallet-stealing.
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Oct 23, 2017 01:13
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The Brain Busters w/ Bobby Heenan vs. Strike Force Ah geez, I guess I've got to talk about this. So as I've mentioned in the past I write all this in advance quite a bit. So for Past Rarity this is the first time for me to be talking about Heenan since his passing. And I've been thinking about it and I've realised that Heenan isn't someone I ever particularly talk about during these posts. Beside the odd moment here and there he hasn't really stood out much. But that's exactly the point, he's a manager. He's not meant to be standing out. He enhances while never overwhelms. I get the feeling that by sticking to PPVs I'm missing out the true Heenan highlights from all those vignettes and promos but I still get my moments. He's got the one quality that makes all the best heel managers and authority figures. He's not afraid to let himself look like a tit.  Share a cold one with Andre up there, Bobby There is also a match to think about here and once the Busters were in the ring I was fairly bummed to see Strike Force show up cause I was really hoping it would be the Harts. But Strike Force are who we get and I suppose they're solid enough so I'm not going to be too sad about it. The match gets going and quickly breaks down with Strike Force hitting synchronised dropkicks on the Busters. Once the referee has restored some order Arn and Martel square off for a test of strength but Arn drops down into a bodyscissors. Martel reverses it into a Boston crab and there's some lovely technical work going on here. Things break down some more and Strike Force lock on synchronised figure 4s. This is the kind of spot that feels like the finish but Arn gets a thumb in Martel's eye and the Busters escape. This is some really solid tag team wrestling. The guys have got some slick sequences and they've got some decent psychology. Tito goes for the Flying Forearm on Tully but he ducks and Tito hits Martel instead! Martel staggers around in a daze, giving Arn and Tully the chance to beat on Tito. He fights them off, throwing Arn into the turnbuckle, and reaches for his corner in desperation but Martel just jumps off and walks away! What's this? A heel turn? Poor Tito. Junkyard Dog would have never treated him this way.  WHY RICK WHY? With Martel absconded the odds are not looking good for Tito. Arn nails him with the Spinebuster and by his standards it's closer to a tremor than a quake. Tito gets in a bit of a comeback but it doesn't last long as Tully blocks a monkey flip and the Busters regain control. They hit the Spike Piledriver and wrap this one up. This match ended up being more of an angle than a match, really. There were a few minutes of actual wrestling but once the story kicked in that all went very much out of the window. However, the angle was interesting and unexpected. I've seen enough from Martel to be intrigued at the idea of him as a singles wrestler. I'd really like to see what his character would be like outside a tag team. All in all, this was a satisfying little experience. And as if to help me out with this, Zombie Mean Gene has tracked down Martel in the back and he is scandalised. Martel says that he's got tired of carrying Tito but Zombie Mean Gene replies that “Strike Force were supposed to be a team!” with all the hurt of a Buffy/Angel shipper. Martel retorts that Tito's lucky that he didn't end up with worse. It's all right, mate. I think listening to your promo will do the rest of the damage. Martel is a bad promo, he's very mush mouthed and he's got nothing interesting to say.  So that singles run is off to a great start then Back in the ring we find that the mat has been decked out with three stools and a tartan carpet. Ooh, could that mean what I think it means? It certainly could! I start getting excited as Finkel announces the grand return to a WWF ring of Rowdy Roddy Piper! Finkel says that Piper needs no introduction and then spends a minute introducing him. I guess he just wanted one then. The bagpipes play and the cameras cut to the entrance and the curtain lifts and standing there is... Brother Love. And he's wearing a kilt. Well, this is a disappointment. Love makes his way to the ring while Gino gripes about this being disrespectful. However, Jesse is in a more curious mood and tries to work out what happened to Piper. He settles on Piper being laid out somewhere in the back with no pants. Thanks for that mental image, Jesse. Once he gets to the ring Love starts pretending to be Piper and interviews himself. “Rodney” claims that Love is his favourite person on television and he always watches Love's show. Why is this happening? What are we doing here? And wait, who the gently caress is this guy?  And why are his teeth so white? So many questions. Luckily, one of these I have an answer for. This is trash TV talk show host Morton Downey Jr., making an appearance here to meet Vince's celebrity quota. He's smoking as he comes down to the ring and Jesse says that he's “always puffing on that weed”. Holy poo poo, Jesse! You just called someone a drug user on national television! You're wrong, though. That's blatantly just a straight. Love confronts Morton and says that he doesn't love him. Morton retorts that “any guy who wears a skirt I don't want to love me”. FOR gently caress SAKE, NO! Oh look, here's Piper at last. I no longer care. This segment is already so terrible I just want it to be over. Unfortunately, we're just getting started. Piper comes down to the ring and squares off against Love. MOST HOMOEROTIC MOMENT Some Random Fan: “Pull his skirt off!” Piper intimidates Love by telling him he looks good in a kilt and complimenting his knees and generally hitting on him in that really creepy and controlling way that is purely about making Love feel gay panic. And this is meant to be the loving good guy! Piper calls all Love's gold rings cheap cause their turning his fingers green. All through this Morton is flinging cigarettes at them to Piper's increasing ire. I give you Wrestlemania, ladies and gentlemen! Piper starts talking about being a true Scotsman and the things they keep up their kilts so Love tries to sneak a glance. Piper slaps his hand away and threatens to bite his face off. Dude, don't incite the gay panic if you can't take the gay panic. Piper wonders what Love keeps his kilt but he knows for sure it can't be balls. Because that would make him a woman and thus weaker, stupider and more emotional and we can't celebrate version of masculinity that don't involve crushing empty beer cans against your head. Piper decides to get a better look so he strips Love's kilt off and he's wearing briefs that are almost as red as his face. Love races to the back in embarrassment while Piper looks proud of himself like the raging dillweed he's definitely just been.  There's nothing wrong with a man in underwear heading up the back entrance Which brings us and Piper along to Morton, who acknowledges being the focus of the attention by blowing smoke into Piper's face. Guys, I think we've just found the new worst gimmick ever. At least Snitsky's gimmick was just a baby-killing foot fetishist embarrassment. This one is legit going to give Morton cancer. Piper says that the last time he saw Morton he was covered in warts but it turns out Morton's been very charitable by donating these warts to a homeless warthog. Piper refers calls it his girlfriend. Stop trying to be cool, Piper. This segment is making you look just as bad as everybody else. Morton returns to the subject of kilts and reckons that Piper is a transvestite. For gently caress sake. This is too much for me. This entire thing is just so loving awful and I know it's the 80s and 'people didn't know any better' but that doesn't matter cause it loving shouldn't. I want this to end. I want Morton and Piper to disappear in a cloud of smoke and then Bret Hart's in the ring and he spends fifteen minutes wrestling a baseball bat. That would be better than this. Despite Piper's requests Morton keeps on blowing smoke in his face. He claims that it's healthy and if he gives it a go Piper can live as long as he has. Which led me into a Google hole that showed in the end Piper didn't live as long as Morton did and now I'm sad because there is no justice. Anyway Piper changes his mind and asks for a smoke but while Morton's got his back turned Piper grabs the fire extinguisher. Morton turns around into a huge spray of steam and gets covered in it while wriggling around awkwardly. Jesse crowns the poo poo topping on this poo poo sundae by saying that Morton might turn into a “bleeding heart liberal”. Like that's a bad thing. IT'S OVER! Holy poo poo, this was as painful as constipation. The only thing that kept me going was knowing that I had Warrior/Rude and Hogan/Savage waiting for me on the other side. I cannot overstate this enough. It was a loving trashheap. Rarity fucked around with this message at 19:59 on Oct 24, 2017 |
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Oct 24, 2017 19:53
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Ah yes, the classic 3-way gay panic Mexican standoff.   Even in the 1980s I think a lot of people were just confused and grossed out by that bit. It's basically "Gay is bad, now show me your nuts!" which uhhhh 
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Oct 24, 2017 20:24
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You just broke Jerusalem's heart by making him relive Strike Force's split-up.  This WrestleMania is a little less than two years before I started watching (can't wait until you reach 1991), so all I ever saw in the highlights was the last minute of that Piper segment. It always looked like the coolest and funniest poo poo. Then years later I finally got to watch it and hoo boy. What's strange is that while the Network has the segment in full, the WrestleMania DVD set cut out the whole bit where Piper got the better of Brother Love. It's so bizarre to watch. Piper and Brother Love are having their dialogue, we get a close-up of Piper, then suddenly he's walking towards Downey while there's zero sign of Love in the ring. He straight-up vanishes in the middle of the interview.
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Oct 24, 2017 20:25
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Yeah, the way WWE has rewritten it you'd think that segment only started with Morton blowing smoke in Piper's face
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Oct 24, 2017 20:44
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Gavok posted:You just broke Jerusalem's heart by making him relive Strike Force's split-up. My beloved Strike Force..... 
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Oct 24, 2017 22:37
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Jerusalem posted:My beloved Strike Force..... Tito had it coming 
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Oct 24, 2017 22:49
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Rarity posted:Tito had it coming You inhumane monster! 
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Oct 24, 2017 23:21
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It's OK, J-Ru, you'll always have https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1bNr3144GDI
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Oct 25, 2017 01:14
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I don't know if it was discussed in Thread 1 but how knowledgeable are you of WWE and from what era? Attitude era on?
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Oct 25, 2017 01:49
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OldTennisCourt posted:I don't know if it was discussed in Thread 1 but how knowledgeable are you of WWE and from what era? Attitude era on? I started watching in January 2000 when Channel 4 began showing HeAT. I've filled in many of the gaps in the Attitude Era since but beyond that I'm fairly limited. I know who the big names were in the 90s and I know about the most obvious big marquee matches but I've never watched any of it. So all of this is very new and surprising for me.
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Oct 25, 2017 06:09
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Rarity posted:I started watching in January 2000 when Channel 4 began showing HeAT. Ahh the good old days of the Light--Heavyweight championship and taping the Royal Rumble.
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Oct 26, 2017 20:03
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Manic_Misanthrope posted:Ahh the good old days of the Light--Heavyweight championship and taping the Royal Rumble. I was so excited for my first WWF PPV and I was off school sick on the Monday and then I found out my recording hosed up so I had to wait to borrow a VHS off one of the kids in my class
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Oct 26, 2017 20:12
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SIGN OF THE NIGHT Pfft, it's not Trumpamania until he's threatened three foreign heads of state We jump to the back with Zombie Mean Gene for some very exciting news. The WWF's very own Hulk Hogan has decided to spend a little time in Hollywood! This will surely be a positive influence on him. But not just that, Hulk will soon be starring in his very own movie, No Holds Barred. And it's all well and good talking about it, Zombie Mean Gene, but you and I both know there's no point in bringing it up unless you've got a cheesy 80s trailer to show us? So can you deliver? Yeah, you can.  ACTION!  DRAMA!  COMEDY!  HORROR!  For your consideration Meanwhile, Mooney is chilling out by ringside with our current US President and future indictment scandal. Mooney seems to be a bit star struck with Trump, he spends the entire interview stumbling over his words. Trump is honoured that the WWF have returned to his plaza and says that the casinos are all packed with idiot wrestling fans giving him money for nothing. Ok, he might not quite say it like that but still. Up in commentary Jesse is fuming about Hulk stepping on board his territory with No Holds Barred, which I take to mean that Jesse has spent the last three year pissing all over the Warner Bros lot. Jesse says the best that Hulk can hope is driving his limo and storms off. Don't worry, he'll be back in time for the next match. And now positioned at random halfway through the show we get our recap package for tonight's main event. Some parts of this you may well be familiar with. You should, of course, remember last year's Wrestlemania where the Mega Powers were officially formed as Savage won the WWF Title. Since then we've seen them win a couple of times in a big money match at Summerslam and Survivor Series but even then the cracks have been starting to form. Here's where the package veers off from the thread, however. Things get tough for our Mega Powers when they go up against the Twin Towers and find themselves outmanned. Savage rescues Elizabeth, Hulk rescues Savage but then poo poo gets real as Savage is thrown out of the ring and he flattens Elizabeth. Holy poo poo! She takes the full force of that bump, it is brutal. With Savage totally out of it Hulk scrambles out of the ring and when he sees Elizabeth is unconscious he carries her off to the back, abandoning Savage to face the Towers alone. With his partner gone Savage gets his rear end handed to him by the Towers while Hulk gets Elizabeth to the medical room. Once he's made sure she's all right he rushes back to ringside to get back to the match. Of course, at this point Savage is fuming about being abandoned so when Hulk gets back on the apron and asks for a tag Savage just loving slaps him. Dude! This is happening! We don't get to find out how the match ends because it's not really relevant but I'm assuming Hulk won. After the match, Savage and Hulk both go to the medical room to check on Elizabeth and they end up arguing. Savage is all jealous about being the third wheel in the Mega Powers despite being the champion. He storms off in rage but then seconds later he loving flies in from off-screen and starts beating down on Hulk. drat! Elizabeth pulls herself off the bed and tries to separate them but Savage grabs her and pushes her back into the wall. loving hell! It's all kicking off!  Hulk and Savage arguing over who gets to play doctor And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you build to a Wrestlemania main event. In all honesty I can't even say I'm expecting much from the match itself because Hulk makes everything in the ring terrible but what I have to acknowledge is that this package is phenomenal. I really feel like this match is the biggest deal of any match I've seen from this whole thread and the moment when that tension broke and the two men came to blows was exquisite. To follow up on this package Zombie Mean Gene is with Hulk and he points out what a difference a year makes. Hulk believes he should have spotted it coming because the Mania was always ahead of the Madness. He reckons that Savage always put Elizabeth between them and he was always a cheap shot artist, which is a bit revisionist history of him. We've always been at war with Eurasia! Hulk's mostly concerned about the fans though but they're going to be ok because Trump sent out seismotologists to check the foundations to ensure no one would be swallowed by the earth. Oh, Hulk. As if Trump has ever prioritised employee safety. Or knows what a seismotologist is. Andre the Giant w/ Bobby Heenan vs. Jake “The Snake” Roberts Guest Referee: Big John Studd Right, before we start this we need to address the big giant elephant in the room. That being, what the hell is Studd doing being added to this match? This is the guy who was celebrating at the end of your last PPV because he won the Royal Rumble. Gee, it sure is great that we gave him such a big rub because he really needed to come into this one strong. Seriously, in the space of three months he's gone from important big name guy to just a random dude. And sure, he's probably here to transition into a feud with Andre. Because it was so good when we did it four years ago. Even with this big push to increase production values Andre still doesn't have any music. Boo, sort your poo poo out Jim Johnston. Jake follows Andre out and faces off with him in the ring and dear god, there's no way Jake is winning this one. After six months of feuding he still doesn't come across as being a match for Andre. That's not a good sign. As if to prove my point Andre rams Jake into an exposed turnbuckle right away and Jake's lights go out.  This is the look of a man who knows exactly how he's getting booked tonight Andre continues to dominate until Jake fights back and manages to get Andre tangled up in the ropes. Jake wants to bring out Damien but Studd rightfully stops him. What are you doing, Jake? You know you gotta save the snake for after the bell. The action continues this way as per the standard glacial pace of an Andre brawl. Jake winds up on the outside and Andre keeps blocking him from getting back in. Jake's barely getting anything here, it's really sad. Andre starts arguing with Studd about the count so Jake takes the chance to grab Damien. Studd spots it and tries to stop him but Andre gets in the mix as well and winds up hitting Studd by accident. And then all of a sudden who shows up to grab Damien off of Jake, none other than Ted DiBiase! That's a shocker! DiBiase runs up the entrance with Damien but Jake chases him down and rescues his pet while Andre and Studd brawl in the ring. Jake takes Damien back to the ring and slides him out of his bag, sending Andre packing. And just what is the result of this clusterfuck? Andre is disqualified for striking the referee. Jake wins in the cheapest way possible. Oh god, can we just call it a day on this one please? Jake has been feuding with Andre for six months now and in all that time he's had about a minute of not looking like a goober. Can we please just put Jake somewhere he can look strong again? The ending of this match in particular is the absolute low point of the whole feud. Don't put your monster heel in a feud with an up-and-comer if you're not willing to leave him unprotected for even a moment. This need to always keep Andre strong is really starting to be damaging because they've run out of things to do with him and now he's just floating around the card making new talent look crap. Something here really needs to give and I'm not sure it's going to any time soon. Mooney gets in a few words with a fan who just keeps saying that Jake's the best. I suspect he's watching a different show to the one I'm watching. It seems Mooney's job tonight is walking through the stands soliciting inane opinions from those around him. He might as well have just bought a ticket. He'd get the same results without having to do any of the exercise.
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Oct 26, 2017 22:49
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Rarity posted:We don't get to find out how the match ends because it's not really relevant but I'm assuming Hulk won. Yup. When I first saw WM5 and saw that footage, I took it to mean that Hogan got torn apart by the Towers. That meant that even though they were shifting focus to Savage, the Twin Towers won the feud! That's brave as hell booking right there! But nope. I finally watched the match years later and Hogan was able to beat them both single-handedly. This exact plot development would happen again years later, but the opponents' identities make it even more ridiculous that Hogan stood tall. quote:Don't put your monster heel in a feud with an up-and-comer if you're not willing to leave him unprotected for even a moment. This need to always keep Andre strong is really starting to be damaging because they've run out of things to do with him and now he's just floating around the card making new talent look crap. Something here really needs to give and I'm not sure it's going to any time soon. Nah, there's a pretty great moment of Andre putting someone over on the horizon in a way that's both incredibly shocking and understandable due to limitations.
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Oct 26, 2017 23:42
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That is the first wrestling related thing I ever saw as a kid. I think we were just flipping channels and got to Saturday Night's Main Event right before Liz got obliterated off of the apron. That left an impression.
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Oct 27, 2017 02:12
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In the back once more we find Schiavone with Sensational Sherri who's brought along a whole lot of attitude. She slates Robin's singing at the opening of the show and she's not exactly wrong. She also claims she's more beautiful than Elizabeth because obviously that's the only thing us ladies care about. She thinks about the Mega Powers exploding and has herself a little cackle. And out of 220 minutes this tiny interview is the full extent of your women's division tonight. Oh Jumping Bomb Angels, why hast thou forsaken us? Sherri is rocking the Eastern European dominatrix look here Greg Valentine and the Honky Tonk Man w/ Jimmy Hart vs. The Hart Foundation Oh boy, this is the point where fatigue is really starting to set in. We are deep into this show and there's still a long way to go. We've reached the point in the night where the drugs are starting to wear off and you want to go home but Sam's on his way with another gram so you might as well stick it out and wait for the re-up. It's not pleasant and it's not fun but we've all been there. Anyway, here we are with Jimmy banding his two best men together to take on his former protégées. And can we just acknowledge how much Jimmy has fallen on hard times in recent months that the best men he can muster are Honky and Greg loving Valentine? These guys aren't exactly setting the world on fire. They all come out and it looks like Honky has taken a page out of Rude's playbook because his velvet onesie is plastered with a giant picture of himself. The Harts follow them out and things get underway with an atomic drop from Bret which Honky gives a great sell for.  It looks like part of Bret's kneecap got stuck up there Anvil comes in with a springboard shoulder tackle to Greg but Greg regains control when Bret whiffs a second rope elbow drop. Now that I get a decent look at him I think Greg's dropped a decent chunk of weight. Good for him! It doesn't make him any better in the ring but at least he doesn't look quite so much an embarrassment any more. Honky hits a fireman suplex on Bret. Gino catches a sight of Pat Patterson milling about at ringside and Jesse calls him a relic. No, Jesse. I will not stand for commentators making GBS threads on Pat. Somehow Greg escapes being disqualified despite connecting with a headbutt right to Bret's dick. Honky follows up with the Shake, Rattle and Roll and doesn't even bother to go for a cover. It's pretty strange. Greg tags back in and goes for the Figure 4 but Bret blocks it so he settles for a gutbuster. Bret gets the separation he needs and makes the hot tag to Anvil who comes in with a vicious series of shoulder blocks that culminates in a stiff clothesline to Greg. The Harts are right back into this now. Bret nails Honky with a second rope elbow drop. Meanwhile, Anvil gives chase to Jimmy around the outside. Jimmy drops the megaphone and Honky makes a play for it but Anvil stops him and tosses the megaphone to Bret, who blasts Honky with it behind the ref's back and gets the Harts the win. All in all this was a fairly nothing match that was essentially a throwaway but it still ended up being better than it had any right to be. The Harts did a good job of keeping the action flowing along and the ending was about as perfect as you could ask. It's always nice to see a bad guy being hoist by his own petard. However, I feel like the tag division is failing to live up to its full potential. There's so many really good teams in there now and they could be tearing all sorts of poo poo up but instead they keep on being kept apart or mixed with other guys who aren't at their level. Just let these dudes go out and be amazing, it's not that complicated.  Me, looking at this next match Intercontinental Title Match Rick Rude w/ Bobby Heenan vs. The Ultimate Warrior Oh gently caress, we made it. Here we are, ladies and gentlemen. As far as I'm concerned this is the big one. This is the match I've been waiting for all night long. Hulk and Savage might be the big name draw but this is the only real match in which I've got a vested interest. In fact, through the entire timeline of shows so far this is the first match where I give a great deal of fucks about who wins. Now you might not have noticed but I've fallen a little bit in love with Rick Rude and I'm all in, baby. All loving in. This is an era where holding the Intercontinental title was a major deal and I want to see my boy take the gold. Come on, Rude! Before we get to the match there's a quick recap video of the Super Posedown at the Royal Rumble. Oh friends, these were simpler times. Times when we could oil our torsos and call ourselves most muscular without people questioning that we might be straight. And of course, it was a time when Rude got the better of Warrior and looked like a bit of a badass. Can he hold his own this time? Let's find out. Rude is out first with Heenan in tow and the production team do a great job here because they find crowdshots of a number of gorgeous women looking very excited. Nothing sells a gimmick quite like legitimacy. Of course, Rude wants to give all the ladies a show so he does his normal striptease and tonight his tights are blazoned with the Intercontinental title right over his crotch. But that's not all, this also means it's time to play our favourite game!   RAAAAAAARGHHHH!!! The real life Warrior runs out to the ring but Rude tries to get things started fast with a knee to the gut as he comes through the ropes. However, Warrior's still wearing the belt and all Rude achieves is loving up his own knee. Oh man, that is such a smart spot, I love it. Warrior starts tossing Rude into the turnbuckles from halfway across the ring and Rude keeps flinging himself about and drat, these two are such a great combination. Rude's commitment to selling just makes Warrior look like an absolute beast. It's fantastic. Warrior traps Rude in a lengthy bear hug but Rude escapes with a thumb to the eyes. He goes up top and hits a missile dropkick. Holy poo poo, Rude got a bit of flight in him too! I loving love this guy. He covers Warrior but barely gets a one count as Warrior powers straight out. The crowd chants “Weasel” at Heenan as Warrior locks on another bear hug. Rude tries to repeat his eye rake trick but the ref spots it and pulls his arm back. Again, that's a really smart little moment.  Aww, Warrior just wants to be friends In the end Rude does manage to break free but he winds up eating a massive back body drop. Warrior goes for a splash but Rude gets his knees up just in time. Yes! With Warrior stunned Rude is able to get control and he connects with a piledriver followed up by a jawbreaker. gently caress yes, go Rude! He tries to do his gyrate taunt but his back's so hosed it throws out halfway through. Haha, awww. Rude follows up with a Russian leg sweep as well and here's the true beauty in this match. Sure, Rude is making Warrior look like a monster and he's doing it really well. But at the same time we've never seen anyone get in sustained offence on Warrior like this before. Rude also looks fantastic here just by virtue of being able to go toe-to-toe. Whoever wins this both men are going to come out looking like major players. Warrior responds with a flying tackle and a faceplant then flat out kills Rude with a clothesline. No! I'm really starting to get tense here. Rude goes for the Rude Awakening but Warrior just powers out of it. drat! Warrior sends Rude flying to the outside with another clothesline. He tries to bring him back into the ring with a suplex but Heenan grabs hold of Warrior's leg and Rude falls down on top. Warrior squirms and wriggles but he can't get out and Rick Rude is your new Intercontinental champion!  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Rude wins! Rude wins! He immediately grabs his belt and starts fleeing straight for the back as Warrior realises what's happened. Full of rage and rightly so, he goes for Heenan and lays him out then follows up with the Press Slam. He drops Heenan like a sack of spuds, geez. Warrior catches sight of Rude and chases after him but it's too little too late, the title is already won. This match was loving awesome. Let's just ignore the things I already said about both guys looking great because it's true but it's not the point. This is the first time in this entire project where wrestling has done what wrestling is supposed to do. This is the first match to suck me in and forget about gimmicks and pushes and booking and all the poo poo that really doesn't matter at the end of the day. It was the first match to hook my emotions and make it feel real. My guy just won the belt and that is a sweet feeling. You know, I never expected that five years in my favourite guys on the roster would be Rick Rude and the Rougeau Brothers. I always knew about Bret, I always knew about Shawn, I always knew about Savage but these guys have come out of nowhere and surprised the hell out of me and I couldn't be happier that they did.
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Oct 28, 2017 18:02
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Rick Rude was one of the best wrestlers in the world for a few years.
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Oct 28, 2017 18:08
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I think a good comparison to Rick Rude is Steve Austin. Both were pegged as instant stars early in their careers, and their climb to the top is very slow and gradual, gaining credibility and pulling off great matches little by little until they reach their peak. Unfortunately, they also both ended up getting very serious injuries once they reached their peaks. Austin was able to soldier on and end up the biggest star in the industry. Rude wasn't. Shiki Dan fucked around with this message at 18:21 on Oct 28, 2017 |
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Oct 28, 2017 18:18
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I guess to me so far the best comparison for Rick Rude is that he's the Chris Jericho. He's the guy who gets beat by the top stars while making them look fantastic. It's interesting to hear that he was being prepped as a big star because it doesn't come across that way (although this might be as big as stars get in the Hogan Era). Obviously I know by virtue of the fact I'd never heard of him before that he's never going to reach that top spot but I'm hoping he can at least get in a couple of main events before his time passes. (Please please please don't tell me if he does or not, if it happens I want it to be a surprise)
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Oct 28, 2017 18:31
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Rude was pushed much higher up the card in WCW. Also, Warrior legit hurt Heenan dropping him like that.
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Oct 28, 2017 19:25
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I saw Rick Rude wrestle in a steel cage match against Sting when I was 7 at a WCW house show in like 1992. He came out and worked the crowd for nuclear heat. He called the crowd fat, ugly, "California cupcakes". It was masterful. People were flipping him off, throwing garbage in the ring; they were apoplectic. I joined in by flipping the bird not knowing what it meant and my grandpa quickly put an end to that haha. Here's a video of it! https://youtu.be/lrfmpDRgEDE
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Oct 28, 2017 20:08
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