Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
DeathChicken
Jul 9, 2012

Nonsense. I have not yet begun to defile myself.

Even better since Warrior just did not lose very often (I think this was his first televised loss) but Rude managed to be one of the few to actually be a threat to him

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!
I will never forget being called a "big, fat, ugly, bunch of fort worth hick sweathogs" by rick rude.

Also I will never forget his instructions to "look how a real man looks" and also to 'cut the music' but that's a little more specific.

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?

Rude beating Warrior was so great, especially because - as you note - both guys come out of the match looking great and Warrior's loss doesn't feel like it hurts him at all. If anything it gives more fire to continue the feud hotter than ever if they so choose.

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

~*4 LIFE*~
Bad News Brown vs. Hacksaw Jim Duggan

Ah, I guess the WWF figure I could do with a cool-off match. They're not wrong. Both men walk out to minimal fanfare and the match kicks off with a lazy brawl. Hacksaw comes out on top so Bad News bails to the outside and after a moment's thought he starts going up the entrance. I'm just about to denounce this as the biggest waste of time when he changes his mind and heads back to the ring. I'd be thankful but for that I'd have to actually want to see this match in the first place.


Bad News be throwing some serious shade

The brawl continues and all the while Hacksaw keeps on yelling “HOOO!” at the top of his lungs and I can't deal with it. Meanwhile, Bad News is trying to grab Hacksaw by the pants and I'm fearful that he's going to wind up tearing his dick off. They spill to the outside where Hacksaw collides head first with the ringpost. Ouch. Back in the ring, Bad News whiffs the Ghetto Blaster and lands flat on the mat then turns right into a lariat. He's had enough of this now so he slides outside and grabs a chair. Hacksaw sees this so he gets his 2x4 in return. The two men clash their weapons against each other and the ref DQs them both.

No, I was right the first time. This was the biggest waste of time. This match contained absolutely nothing of value. I suppose the only positive thing I can say is that at least they kept it mercifully short. As Hacksaw walks back up the entrance Jesse says that the snot on his nose makes him want to puke. Ew.

We're almost there, friends. We're almost at the main event but first we must rejoin Zombie Mean Gene in the back who's with... oh my god, I have no idea how I'm gonna get through this one. He's with the Red Rooster. And ok, I've seen Rooster a couple of times now but this is my first proper look at the guy and ahahahahahaha what the gently caress is this. He's standing there and he's got the goofiest haircut and he's bobbing his head back and forth like a chicken and he says he's going to put his rooster claws into weasel flesh to make it a great day in the barnyard. What the gently caress is this gimmick? Like, is this meant to be serious? I have no loving clue. Oh, and to top it all off he finishes the promo WITH CUCKOOS! Ahahahaha, why?

WORST HAIR


This award was never in doubt

The Red Rooster vs. Bobby Heenan w/ The Brooklyn Brawler

Oh my god, that music as well. It's so bad, it's all 80s synths and it's so lame. Everything about this gimmick is just the worst. Heenan comes out and in a really neat touch he's wearing a mini version of Andre's ring-gear. That's cute. He's also got Brawler in his first appearance in the timeline. I'm not giving Brawler a big introduction cause there's nothing to really say about him but hi, Brawler! The match kicks off and Rooster gets in a few shots on Heenan. He drives Heenan's shoulder into the ringpost and that's literally it. From bell to bell this one lasted thirty one seconds. Brawler rushes into the ring and starts beating on Rooster but Rooster fights him off and sends him scrambling to the back with Heenan.

Obviously this wasn't even really a match so I'm not going to critique it. Instead I'm going to talk about how drat confused I am by Rooster. I don't get this. Am I supposed to be taking him seriously? He was in the Survivor Series main event and he's high up the card here so I feel like I'm meant to but then the gimmick is such comedy jobber poo poo and there's no way that I can watch this guy for more than a moment without pissing myself laughing. What is going on here? I don't even know.

Don't worry, the main event is right around the corner. We've just got to get in one final round of backstage segments first. Zombie Mean Gene is with the lady in the middle of this mess, Elizabeth. She says that this has been the hardest time of her life and she can't decide between her two men so she'll be in a neutral corner. She's praying that neither man gets seriously injured and she looks really upset by all this turmoil. Elizabeth is the only true face involved in this match.


Elizabeth looks like :smith: personified

Meanwhile, Schiavone is in the locker room with is deserted because all the boys have gone out to watch this explosion of Mega Powers. That's a nice little touch to sell the importance of this one. Mooney is up with some fans and polls them on who's going to win. You can clearly hear that all the kids yell Hulk but all the adults yell Savage. Gee, does this sound like anyone else we know?

WWF Title Match
Hulk Hogan vs. Randy Savage
w/ Elizabeth


All right, we made it all the way to the main event. This is a match that has been a whole year in the making. Even just from the limited exposure I've had from sticking to PPVs the build has been sizzling and it's time to see if the end result can match up. I'm not expecting this to be technical clinic or anything because one side of the ring is Hulk but with all the hype and showmanship and a bit of decent booking I can still see this one being huge. Personally, I think this match is begging for an Elizabeth heel turn to help Savage retain but I really don't think they've got the balls for that.

Elizabeth is out first without either of her guys and as she walks out Jesse calls her a golddigger. This is just the start of the unnecessary abuse he's going to be flinging her way. Savage is out next and he's really not happy with Elizabeth for being out here. But she's a fierce, independent woman that don't need no man telling her what to do so she's staying. Hulk comes out as well as Jesse complains about the champ having to be the first one to the ring. You're goddam right, Jesse.


The champ comes out last. Because he's the loving champ.

As things get underway there is a massive big match feel. The crowd is so alive for this one and Savage is receiving a storm of boos. Hulk comes out on top from the first tie up with authority and follows up with a shoulder block. Meanwhile, Jesse decides that this show's heap of racism and homophobia wasn't quite enough and adds a huge steaming dump of sexism on top. That's right, Jesse starts defending Savage's domestic abuse by blaming the victim. Yeah, you tell her, Jesse. If she didn't want to get beat she shoulda learned to keep her mouth shut, am I right?

While commentary has taken one last giant fall off a cliff the action continues outside the ring with Hulk chasing Savage around so he hides behind Elizabeth. Ooh, huge chorus of boos from the crowd for that dirty tactic. Back in the ring Savage hits a double axe handle on Hulk and applies a long armwringer but Hulk manages to twist Savage to the outside. Somewhere around here Hulk gets busted open. He's got a cut right above his right eye and as far as I can tell it looks like a legit one.


Planned or not, it adds a lot to the match

Savage gets in a rollup and he hooks the tights but he still can't put Hulk away. You can tell he's starting to get frustrated now. He straight up slaps Hulk in the face but it only fires Hulk up. Meanwhile, Jesse's at it some more as he says women like Elizabeth have no place being in or around the ring. Oh gently caress you, Jesse. Noriyo and Itsuki would like to have some words with you.

And here's where things start to kick up a gear. Hulk picks up Savage and dumps him to straight to the outside. gently caress! That is one sick rear end bump there. Elizabeth hustles over and tries to help Savage up but he just pushes her away. Hulk climbs outside, grabs Savage and he's about to drive him into the ringpost when holy poo poo, Elizabeth blocks his way! Oh my god! Savage slips back out of Hulk's arms and shoves Hulk into the ringpost while Elizabeth ducks out of the way.

Now, you might think that this means Elizabeth has chosen her side but it's not that simple. With Hulk reeling on the ground she helps him up as well. Savage has had enough of her getting in the way so he pulls her back and starts shoving her towards the entrance. ...This is not cool. It's a little too close to real for me to enjoy. Savage and Elizabeth both sell it really well and I'm really tense and this is making me sad. It's all a bit too domestic violence for my tastes. The referee sends Elizabeth to the back and in all honesty, it's probably for the best.

With Elizabeth gone this leaves Hulk and Savage to settle things properly. Savage hits a double axe handle to the outside! By 80s standards that is some serious high-risk offence. Savage starts working over Hulk's throat and behind the ref's back he starts using his wrist-tape to choke Hulk. Clever little moment there. Savage is in control and he connects with the Flying Elbow Drop and HULK KICKS OUT! Oh my god. Talk about your false finishes. That was huge. We know how the script plays out from here. Hulk takes over the momentum, he hits a big boot and follows with the Leg Drop and that's it for the three.


The same as it ever was, it's just the same as it ever was

So there we are, the one year Savage run is over and normal order has been restored. Savage storms off looking really pissed while Hulk celebrates in the ring. Oh man, it's been so long since we had a PPV end like this. I'd actually forgotten just how drat long it always takes. Ugh. Gino claims that “this will go down as one of the biggest title matches of all time”. Yeah, I'll allow it. Almost thirty years later we're still talking about this one. It's definitely the biggest of Hulk's run at the top. The match itself was all right. It had a slow start but it picked up halfway through with some really intense moments. Overall it was a bit underwhelming but I didn't think it could live up to all the hype around it.

And there it is, Wrestlemania V is (finally) done and dusted. This is a really difficult show for me to rate. I've been thinking about it for the whole time I've been writing it up and I really am struggling. There's some really amazing things on this show that stand up as the best of everything I've seen so far. Warrior/Rude was outstanding and Hennig/Blazer was a delight. Hulk/Savage had some really fantastic moments and the Rockers match was a lot better than it had any right to be. However, all of those were bright, shining highlights in a show that just dragged and dragged as it kept trawling through a huge trough of stinking manure. As a package the whole show was so draining and it kept on throwing up more and more terrible poo poo that was so unnecessary. Run DMC, Piper's Pit and the Red Rooster in particular were enough to kill a PPV on their own. And then there was the sheer onslaught of horrible, offensive poo poo coming in the form of xenophobia, queer bashing and sexist abuse. I've had enough of that to last me all through '89. So it's a tough one. The highlights deserve five Kanes, the lowlights deserve one Kane so I'm splitting the difference with three.

/10

rare Magic card l00k
Jan 3, 2011


Kids are, as usual, right, while adults are extremely wrong.

DeathChicken
Jul 9, 2012

Nonsense. I have not yet begun to defile myself.

Did you get the Savage "I'm going to spill your guts all over the ring" promo? That poo poo was intense for 80s WWF

KungFu Grip
Jun 18, 2008

Red Rooster was originally in Heenan's stable. He said he could take anyone to the top, but not Rooster. He betrays him by bringing in the Brooklyn Brawler. Also like mentioned Heenan vs Rooster was actually supposed to be longer but Warrior legit injured Heenan in the post match attack in the Rick Roode match.

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

~*4 LIFE*~

DeathChicken posted:

Did you get the Savage "I'm going to spill your guts all over the ring" promo? That poo poo was intense for 80s WWF

Sadly not.

KungFu Grip posted:

Red Rooster was originally in Heenan's stable. He said he could take anyone to the top, but not Rooster. He betrays him by bringing in the Brooklyn Brawler. Also like mentioned Heenan vs Rooster was actually supposed to be longer but Warrior legit injured Heenan in the post match attack in the Rick Roode match.

None of this answers my question of 'what the gently caress is this?'

Gavok
Oct 10, 2005

Brock! Oh, man, I'm sorry about your...

...tooth?


I think Rooster's thing was that Heenan was high on his own talents and claimed he could make a success out of anyone. He took Terry Taylor under his wing (no pun intended) and decided to give him the Red Rooster gimmick to prove his point. Sure, this guy looks like a total joke, but with Heenan behind him, the sky is the limit. Then Heenan turned on him and Taylor decided, "Screw you, I'm proving you wrong by owning this gimmick!"

Considering Taylor was considered a major talent prior to this, the gimmick is infamous for ruining his potential. He's REALLY bitter about it.

Hockles
Dec 25, 2007

Resident of Camp Blood
Crystal Lake

Wasn't it also partly from Vince trying to bury him (like he will try to do to Dusty coming up soon) by giving him a terrible gimmick?

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

~*4 LIFE*~
My take on it is that the gimmick is bad for sure but the way that Taylor plays it makes it ten times worse. He could have dialled back on the cartoonish stuff to prevent coming across as a joke. He didn't choose the gimmick but he was the one who played it 'all in'.

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

~*4 LIFE*~

Hockles posted:

Wasn't it also partly from Vince trying to bury him (like he will try to do to Dusty coming up soon) by giving him a terrible gimmick?

No spoilers please :smith:

Hockles
Dec 25, 2007

Resident of Camp Blood
Crystal Lake

Rarity posted:

No spoilers please :smith:

I tried to keep it as vague as possible. Sorry!

Benne
Sep 2, 2011

STOP DOING HEROIN
The story I always heard is that Terry Taylor was a legit talent who had a big head coming into WWF, so Red Rooster was Vince's way of "humbling" him or whatever.

Benne fucked around with this message at 21:52 on Oct 31, 2017

Hockles
Dec 25, 2007

Resident of Camp Blood
Crystal Lake

Benne posted:

The story I always heard is that Terry Taylor was a legit talent who had a big head coming out of NWA/WCW, so Red Rooster was Vince's way of "humbling" him or whatever.

Yeah, this. ^

Shiki Dan
Oct 27, 2010

If ya can move ya toes ya back's fine
Apparently Terry Taylor is now of the two teachers (along with Shawn Michaels) who instructs the "finishing class" of NXT, which is the final level of the WWE training program.

That alone is a pretty good testament to his abilities, even though the Rooster gimmick haunts him to this day.

Sandman from ECW
Sep 6, 2011

Gavok posted:

I think Rooster's thing was that Heenan was high on his own talents and claimed he could make a success out of anyone. He took Terry Taylor under his wing (no pun intended) and decided to give him the Red Rooster gimmick to prove his point. Sure, this guy looks like a total joke, but with Heenan behind him, the sky is the limit. Then Heenan turned on him and Taylor decided, "Screw you, I'm proving you wrong by owning this gimmick!"

Considering Taylor was considered a major talent prior to this, the gimmick is infamous for ruining his potential. He's REALLY bitter about it.

Is it wrong that to me, at least on paper anyway, this actually sounds like a decent storyline?

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?

As a kid, Rooster snapping after taking Heenan's abuse was such an incredible moment and got me super-excited to see him go it alone. I even really enjoyed the debut of the Brawler and the attack on Rooster that was part of Heenan's revenge. It basically all went downhill from there unfortunately, and the only highlight was Heenan.

The day after the Megapowers exploded and Hogan emerged victorious, my family and I left the underground shelter and stood quietly in the yard. Our thrill/relief was tempered by the knowledge of how close we came to.... THE MADNESS! I asked my dad how we'd get by from here, and he simply said,"One day at a time, Lil' Jerusalem. One day at a time."

DeathChicken
Jul 9, 2012

Nonsense. I have not yet begun to defile myself.

Rarity posted:

Sadly not.

Oh it was actually on the Prime Time Wrestling right before Wrestlemania, that's why. I thought it was on the show itself

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PrlSz-Xxo50

Gavok
Oct 10, 2005

Brock! Oh, man, I'm sorry about your...

...tooth?


Shiki Dan posted:

even though the Rooster gimmick haunts him to this day.

I remember in the early days of Wrestlecrap, the article on the Rooster gimmick was less about the gimmick itself and more about this instance where RD Reynolds was at a Raw taping, sitting near the entrance. He and others could see Terry Taylor behind the curtain and chanted "ROOSTER!" at him. Taylor reacted badly to it and threatened to have the section removed.

Sandman McMahon posted:

Is it wrong that to me, at least on paper anyway, this actually sounds like a decent storyline?

Back when WWE had those choose-your-own-adventure books, one of them had a variation of it where Jericho convinces you to become Kid Caveman. He does it as a rib, but you can choose to get it over anyway and you end up becoming a huge star in Japan.

I need to make Kid Caveman in 2K18.

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?

Gavok posted:

Back when WWE had those choose-your-own-adventure books, one of them had a variation of it where Jericho convinces you to become Kid Caveman. He does it as a rib, but you can choose to get it over anyway and you end up becoming a huge star in Japan.

I need to make Kid Caveman in 2K18.

Bárbaro Cavernario's secret origin? :aaa:

Davros1
Jul 19, 2007

You've got to admit, you are kind of implausible




When Taylor went back to WCW, he still wore this jacket, just with a silver piece of fabric on the back covering up the words "Red Rooster" with "Terrence Taylor".

Randaconda
Jul 3, 2014

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Davros1 posted:

When Taylor went back to WCW, he still wore this jacket, just with a silver piece of fabric on the back covering up the words "Red Rooster" with "Terrence Taylor".

It's not what you make, it's what you save.

Gavok
Oct 10, 2005

Brock! Oh, man, I'm sorry about your...

...tooth?


All this Red Rooster talk is distracting us from the real story here. Now that WrestleMania V is over, it's time for Rarity to behold the most awesome of Hulk Hogan's rogues gallery.

Cross your eyes and pound your chests in celebration!

And speaking of crossing eyes, I can't wait to see Rarity's reaction to Summerslam '89 Hacksaw.

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

~*4 LIFE*~
Summerslam 1989: A One Hundred And Sixty Minute Trailer

What I Think I Know

  • I have a suspicion that Dusty Rhodes is making his first showing in the WWF
  • I'm also pretty sure that there'll be an Intercontinental title rematch between Rude and Warrior which hell yeah, please
  • Besides that I have no idea. WM5 was such a big culmination for so many stories I can't predict where things are going next



It's summer 1989, little Rarity is listening to her Dad read the Hobbit and across the Atlantic our old friend Vince McMahon is breaking out the sunscreen because it's time for the biggest party of the summer, it's Summerslam 1989! Can we feel the heat? Not when Zeus is in the ring, that's for sure! We are live from the Meadowlands Arena in East Rutherford, NJ and oh wow, it's time to mix things up at the commentary booth. Providing your colour as ever is Jesse Ventura but by his side for the play-by-play is Tony Schiavone! This feels so weird. Now, I heard a little bit of Schiavone back in '99 on WCW Worldwide but he never stood out as being any good. I feel like we're heading into unknown territory here. Jesse issues Schiavone a warning to stay in line. That's right, Jesse. You gotta lay down the law early with the fresh meat.

Now we get one of the strangest PPV intros I've ever seen. Jazzy music plays over a montage of all of our favourite wrestlers doing their thing in the ring along with... things that aren't that. It's a bunch of completely disconnected images that make no sense in this context. I guess that it's supposed to represent summer but I'm not sure what 'Lady In Car' or 'Guy Hitting A Baseball' have to do with my favourite season.


Kid, that is not how you eat ice cream

Ok, let's get right into it and...

The Hart Foundation vs. The Brain Busters w/ Bobby Heenan

Yes yes oh gently caress yes oh my god YES. Seriously yes, loving dream match right here. Last PPV I wrote about how they should just let all the good teams pair up and put on classics and this match-up was one of the specific ones I had in mind. In terms of pure technical skill these are just about the best guys in the entire company and they should combine together so well. This should burn the loving house down. And as if that wasn't good enough as the Busters come out it becomes clear that they're the new Tag Team champions! YES! gently caress you, Demolition! gently caress you in your lazy, fat, glitter-painted assholes! Ok, that might be a bit too much profanity but Arn and Tully have been so solid since coming in. They've really rounded out the division and it's great to see them being recognised.


Bret is as pumped for this match as I am

However, for some reason this isn't a title match. Jesse says something about the match being signed before the Busters had won the belts but that's not a very good reason. I've noticed that so far the WWF are pretty averse to having title matches on these non-Wrestlemania PPVs. I hope this thinking changes soon cause it makes a belt feel less relevant when some other random guy is wearing it at the next show.

The match gets underway with Arn and Bret and they kick off with some chain wrestling and it's so slick and so smooth and this is exactly what I've been missing. Anvil tags in and Jesse says that he “doesn't play with a full deck”. I'm pretty sure he's not even playing cards, I think he's more of a Yahtzee man. Arn tries to reach Tully for a tag but Anvil wrenches him back so hard Arn goes flying through the air.

The Harts get the early control with a number of quick tags and even when Tully does manage to tag in, he goes for a hiptoss on Anvil and the big man just stands rock still. Anvil gives no fucks for your hips, Tully. So Tully tries a series of chops but again Anvil is impervious and gets right back to rear end-kicking. I really like Anvil's version of no-selling. Partly because he's a beefy guy so I buy it but also because he doesn't make a big deal out of it. Meanwhile, Schiavone has started off decently on commentary. He's really into the action and very excited about everything but he doesn't come across as annoying. I think the fact he's a layman works really well, it makes his enthusiasm come off as more genuine.

More chain wrestling from Tully and Bret ending with a wristlock from Tully that presses Bret down to the mat. Bret bridges from his head to his feet to prevent being pinned and Jesse explains that pro wrestlers need to exercise hard to get top neck strength because it's so important in the ring. If someone had mentioned that to Daniel Bryan at some point. Bret powers up out of the bridge so Arn runs in to help his buddy only for Bret to hit a double armdrag. Nice!


Never skip neck day, brah

Arn tags in properly and goes for a vaderbomb but Bret gets the knees up in the nick of time to huge cheers from the crowd. The Harts are really super over here, it's got to be the biggest pops I've seen them receive yet. Tully tries a second rope crossbody but Anvil catches him out of the air and dumps him against the ringpost. Bret whips Anvil into the corner but Arn pulls Tully out of the way and Anvil eats the steel. Good save, Arn.

From here on out the Busters start to dominate by keeping Anvil isolated. And that's something I think is really cool. Even though Anvil is the bigger, stronger guy they're not afraid the Harts aren't afraid to mix up who comes in to save the day. They're treating each other like equals. So Anvil gets isolated right up until he gets some space off the ropes and runs right through the back of Arn's neck with a vicious clatter. Yeesh! It's a good thing Arn spent time training his neck strength.

Bret gets big cheers as he gets in a cheap shot on Arn and then Anvil makes it over for a fiery hot tag. He takes the Busters apart while the crowd goes nuts and then the match breaks down. Bret and Tully end up getting whipped into each other and colliding then Bret sends Tully into the ropes and as Tully returns he runs right into Anvil's springboard shoulder tackle. loving brilliant. That's kind of innovating with your big spots that I want to see.


This is a spot I'd still pop for in 2017

This next move is quite hard to explain but I'll try. Anvil lifts Bret up on his shoulders like a torture rack and then he hits a reverse death valley driver so that Bret lands on top of Tully. It's completely insane but it looks like it hurts. Bret gets on top for the pin but the ref's trying to get rid of Anvil and Arn makes the save with a double axe handle, pinning Bret for the victory. Erm, that's great and all and I'm happy the Busters won but referee? Arn was really obviously not the legal man. That is a dereliction of duties, sir!

Putting my quibbles about the finish aside, this was an absolute stonker of a match. It was exactly what I was expecting a contest between these two teams would be and it was everything that a PPV opener should be. It did such a great job of getting me hyped up and excited for the rest of the show. Over the last year the WWF have put in a lot of effort to bringing in some fantastic talent but this match really feels like the first proper step towards using them right.

rare Magic card l00k
Jan 3, 2011


Rarity, for the sake of fun, I found the Observer award voting starting in 1980. Would you mind if I post some of them that are relevant to your watchthrough (after you finish a year, of course) to compare your view on things to people like us of yesteryear?

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

~*4 LIFE*~

rare Magic card l00k posted:

Rarity, for the sake of fun, I found the Observer award voting starting in 1980. Would you mind if I post some of them that are relevant to your watchthrough (after you finish a year, of course) to compare your view on things to people like us of yesteryear?

Oh yes please do, I'd be very interested to see these.

sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World
Anvil could really move for a big ol' hoss type of wrestler.

And once again Bret was the great Hero Who Goes for the Nuts. Rack 'em, Bret!

rare Magic card l00k
Jan 3, 2011


Rarity posted:

Oh yes please do, I'd be very interested to see these.

Alright, we'll start with...

1985

The year of Wrestlemania I and The Wrestling Classic, and the start of this project.

Wrestler of the Year went to, of course, Ric Flair, because it's the Observer. Proving that love of Japan wrestlemans is not a new thing, Japan Pro Wrestling 's Riki Choshu finished 2nd. WWF's Roddy Piper took 3rd, and Hulk Hogan took 4th.

THING RARITY SAID (I can't quote because Archives, but trust me it was said involving the Wrestlemania I main event)

"Now it's time for the bad guys and in a fantastic heel move Piper and Orndorff are led out by a legion of bagpipe players cause seriously, there is nothing in this world that's easier to hate than bagpipes.

In a world of bland, interchangeable, generic create-a-wrestlers Hogan was the only face who was made an effort to connect with the crowd, the only one who showed the slightest modicum of personality."

Rarity will be shocked to learn that the Best Heel and Best Babyface awards went to Roddy Piper and Hulk Hogan, respectively. Piper won his category more decisively, but Hogan had more first place votes. Nobody else Rarity saw in 1985 finished anywhere close to the top. The Hogan/Piper feud finished a distant 4th in Best Feud, behind the winner, Jim Duggan vs. Ted DiBiase.

Tag Team of the Year went to The British Bulldogs, which will probably bring a smile to Rarity's face.

WWF was shut out of the Most Improved award, but they did win Most Impressive thanks to Dynamite Kid.

Most Washed Up is kind of a mean category, and WWF took 2nd and 5th with Adrian Adonis and The Junkyard Dog.

Most Obnoxious Personality is where WWF really took home the gold though. Specifically the gold, silver, and bronze. Taking the bronze was Mean Gene Okerlund, taking the silver was Gorilla Monsoon (who did have the most first place votes), and the gold medal goes to who else but Vince McMahon Jr. himself! Congrats Vince!

Vince Wrestlemania Era Wrestling Observer Award Victories: 1

Roddy Piper would take 3rd for Best Interviews, an award won by Jimmy Cornette.

Dynamite Kid finished 2nd in Best Technical Wrestler, a list dominated by Japanese wrestlers and Ted DiBiase. Dynamite Kid would also finish 2nd in Most Agile Wrestler. WWF would be shut out of Best Brawler.

Most Charismatic went to Hulk Hogan by a strong margin, unsurprisingly.

Davey Boy Smith would finish 4th in Strongest Wrestler which is a category I cannot believe exists.

Most Overrated went to Hulk Hogan in a landslide, which goes to show that not even in 1985 did anybody have any clue what the award was for. How do you win Best Babyface, Most Charismatic, AND Most Overrated, all by massive margins?

WWF finished nowhere near the top in Most Underrated, Best Circuit (which is probably 'Best Company' in modern days), or Best TV show.

Dynamite Kid picked up yet another silver, finishing 2nd in Best Wrestling Maneuver with his Super Superplex.

WWF had nobody on the Rookie of the Year, but some kid named "Sean Michaels" finished 3rd.

WWF took 1st and 2nd in Shock of the Year, with them getting on Network TV winning the gold, and the hype of Wrestlemania finishing 2nd. Who says Wrestlemania is more important than random Raws? :v:

Mr. T wrestling finished 2nd in Most Disgusting Promotional Tactic, finishing second to using Mike von Erich's near death to sell tickets. This will not be the last time I post about Von Erichs and tragedy. Welp. :smith:

Jesse Ventura took 2nd in Best Announcer, behind Lance Russell, and Bobby Heenan finished an extremely distant 2nd to Jimmy Cornette in Best Manager.

Hulk Hogan ran away with Reader's Most Hated Wrestler, and Uncle Elmer took first in Worst Wrestler, and he was also one half of the Worst Tag Team, The Hillbillies. So while Rarity didn't get to see tag action from the best team of 1985, it came in exchange for not having to see the worst tag team.

Mr. Fuji took Worst Manager, and Gorilla Monsoon took Worst TV Announcer.

WWF also took the final award, Worst Match of the Year for what was apparently a Steel Cage match between Lou Albano and Freddie Blassie. That sounds incredible, and I refuse to acknowledge the Observer readers as intelligent for voting in such a shameful way.

rare Magic card l00k fucked around with this message at 03:10 on Nov 3, 2017

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

~*4 LIFE*~
Awesome stuff, dude! Added to the OP :D

rare Magic card l00k posted:

Tag Team of the Year went to The British Bulldogs, which will probably bring a smile to Rarity's face.

Indeed it does :unsmith:

rare Magic card l00k posted:

Most Washed Up is kind of a mean category, and WWF took 2nd and 5th with Adrian Adonis and The Junkyard Dog.

I knew JYD belonged in the bin :colbert:

rare Magic card l00k posted:

Most Obnoxious Personality is where WWF really took home the gold though. Specifically the gold, silver, and bronze. Taking the bronze was Mean Gene Okerlund

What?

WHAT?

Who would dare sully the name of Zombie Mean Gene? They'll be first against the wall come the revolution :colbert:

rare Magic card l00k posted:

Mr. T wrestling finished 2nd in Most Disgusting Promotional Tactic

I really disagree with this. Like I said at the time, he was a better worker than Hulk. His WM2 appearance on the other hand...

rare Magic card l00k posted:

Uncle Elmer took first in Worst Wrestler, and he was also one half of the Worst Tag Team, The Hillbillies.

Wait, you mean there was two of them? :gonk:

rare Magic card l00k posted:

Mr. Fuji took Worst Manager

I knew Fuji was worthless, I loving knew it.

remusclaw
Dec 8, 2009

rare Magic card l00k posted:

Alright, we'll start with...

1985

Mr. Fuji took Worst Manager, and Gorilla Monsoon took Worst TV Announcer.


If you didn't actually know the manager's in question, the Worst manager category looks weirdly racist all the way up until the year they retire that one.

Randaconda
Jul 3, 2014

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Tony was bad in the last few years of WCW when he didn't give a poo poo, but he'd be by far the best announcer in WWE currently.

Gaz-L
Jan 28, 2009
Does Dave even know what Most Overrated is supposed to mean?

Randaconda
Jul 3, 2014

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Gaz-L posted:

Does Dave even know what Most Overrated is supposed to mean?

The Observer poll is by reader votes.

frankenfreak
Feb 16, 2007

I SCORED 85% ON A QUIZ ABOUT MONDAY NIGHT RAW AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY TEXT

#bastionboogerbrigade

rare Magic card l00k posted:

Best Feud, behind the winner, Jim Duggan vs. Ted DiBiase.
That would be their feud in Mid-South, right?

Tokyo Sexwale
Jul 30, 2003

rare Magic card l00k posted:


WWF also took the final award, Worst Match of the Year for what was apparently a Steel Cage match between Lou Albano and Freddie Blassie. That sounds incredible, and I refuse to acknowledge the Observer readers as intelligent for voting in such a shameful way.

A cage match, in 1985, between Blassie and Albano sounds like a must-watch.

Gaz-L
Jan 28, 2009

Randaconda posted:

The Observer poll is by reader votes.

I know. My point is I'm not sure even Dave knows what that category means, hence the confusion over who 'should' win it.

Shiki Dan
Oct 27, 2010

If ya can move ya toes ya back's fine
"Most Overrated" was usually synonymous for "Most overpushed", which kinda alludes to a John Cena,Roman Reigns-style backlash to Hulk Hogan at the time, but unlike Cena & Reigns, Hogan was unquestionably the biggest draw in 1985 by a wide margin.

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!
Big Dave is an rear end Hole for saying anything bad about uncle elmer :(

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Davros1
Jul 19, 2007

You've got to admit, you are kind of implausible



Rarity posted:


Wait, you mean there was two of them? :gonk:


Three of them. Hillbilly Jim, Uncle Elmer, and Cousin Luke.

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5