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FrozenVent posted:Today's management problem: how do I get bubbly delivered to my staff at satellite office to celebrate a milestone. Stupid alcohol laws. Phone the supervisor and tell him to go buy it and expense it as "team-building activity", but to keep the expense under the receipt-reporting amount if it's possible. If your receipt-reporting amount is too low to get reasonable amounts of booze within it, get the booze from a grocery store or other non-dedicated liquor store where the you can accidentally read it as a food receipt and approve it anyway. =)
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Nov 1, 2017 20:51
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I'd probably, if possible, get a bottle of non alcoholic sparkling grape juice, and include a gift card to Target or something for them to buy some "snacks" of their choice.
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Nov 1, 2017 21:23
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Office bathrooms are in a fall mood now, apparently. The urinal cakes (or those gelatinous things) are pumpkin-scented. Urinal Cake Co.'s marketing department must be a special place.
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Nov 1, 2017 21:28
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Sundae posted:Phone the supervisor and tell him to go buy it and expense it as "team-building activity", but to keep the expense under the receipt-reporting amount if it's possible. If your receipt-reporting amount is too low to get reasonable amounts of booze within it, get the booze from a grocery store or other non-dedicated liquor store where the you can accidentally read it as a food receipt and approve it anyway. =) Doing it as expense items is the way to go. Back at the ad agency we got in a new CFO from the Sydney office. He picked up the tab on his first visit to the local bar with us, and then said he'd approve an expense report up to $300 there any time. We also had a strict "senior person pays" policy. If I had to work late there was a very generous dinner and cab fare allowance. That and being drinking buddies with the media buyers (who got a ton of free tickets from the TV stations) is all I miss about advertising.
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Nov 1, 2017 22:15
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Dirt Road Junglist posted:Agree. Never having to beg someone for towels to block up a water leak in my server room, and never having a server room full of wasps, are two huge boons to working at a Real Company. And a helpful reminder that small doesn't always = good. The main thing about a small company is that usually it will reflect the personality and acumen of its owner--for better or worse. And worse as often as better. At small businesses you'll find some of the most awesome jobs and some of the most horrifying jobs.
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Nov 1, 2017 23:37
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"now, I'm not a sexist by any means, but" NO NO NOTHING GOOD CAN POSSIBLY FOLLOW THOSE WORDS AND NOTHING DID
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Nov 2, 2017 18:38
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In an interview: I shouldn't say this but... proceeds to say something racist. ... We weren't going to hire him anyway but wtf man.
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Nov 2, 2017 18:42
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It turns out work has a private screening of The Last Jedi arranged. And guess who has tickets to it :-)
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Nov 2, 2017 18:46
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mllaneza posted:It turns out work has a private screening of The Last Jedi arranged. And guess who has tickets to it :-) Let us know if Luke is his own father.
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Nov 2, 2017 18:59
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Jordan7hm posted:In an interview: It's worse when they're smart enough to not say it. But then not smart enough to try to defend National Socialism to your boss. (especially when you frame your argument by mansplaining to her what the term 'actually' means).
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Nov 2, 2017 22:40
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I'm super enjoying this new IT guy trying to convince multiple PhD economists that buttcoins will replace the dollar 
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Nov 2, 2017 22:54
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potee posted:I'm super enjoying this new IT guy trying to convince multiple PhD economists that buttcoins will replace the dollar That ought to be a fireable offence.
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Nov 2, 2017 23:41
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Weatherman posted:That ought to be a fireable offence. It is up a whole lot the past 6 months, but still i have no confidence in the convertability to dollars. Dumb of IT guy though. In tnuctip news i had a 2nd round interview that went well, invited to a 3rd onsite. Also told me that travel is 40%, which is not what job posting said. Siiiiiiigggghhhh at least they were honest. Tnuctip fucked around with this message at 00:27 on Nov 3, 2017 |
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Nov 2, 2017 23:51
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Shugojin posted:"now, I'm not a sexist by any means, but" BigDave posted:Let us know if Luke is his own father. "NOOOOOOOOOOO- wait why would I be upset about this?" "Family habit."
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Nov 3, 2017 15:22
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We are currently looking into blockchain to do transaction histories on non currency data. Of course everytime it comes up the Buttcoin conversations started so we just changed all the documentation to a different name. Some of the technical ideas around blockchain are sound but it is just married to Buttcoins in the public mind.
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Nov 3, 2017 15:28
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BigDave posted:Let us know if Luke is his own father. I want Luke to travel back in time and stop the extermination of the Jedi now, while accidentally causing his own conception. I think I am ready for a job in corporate America.
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Nov 3, 2017 16:15
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Not exactly on topic but I just got some strange interview advice from my aunt, which is that in an interview you shouldn't face directly toward them but at a slight angle because it's less intimidating
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Nov 3, 2017 17:02
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Hoshi posted:Not exactly on topic but I just got some strange interview advice from my aunt, which is that in an interview you shouldn't face directly toward them but at a slight angle because it's less intimidating
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Nov 3, 2017 17:04
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Hoshi posted:Not exactly on topic but I just got some strange interview advice from my aunt, which is that in an interview you shouldn't face directly toward them but at a slight angle because it's less intimidating This is pretty outdated advice. Now it's highly recommended that you actually walk around and sit next to the interviewer instead of across from them. This demonstrates that you're on the same side and supportive instead of the adversarial facing position. However, you should not put your arm around their shoulders until you have moved from professional to casual conversation.
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Nov 3, 2017 17:18
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Hoshi posted:Not exactly on topic but I just got some strange interview advice from my aunt, which is that in an interview you shouldn't face directly toward them but at a slight angle because it's less intimidating Are you being interviewed by a cat?
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Nov 3, 2017 17:22
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Ashcans posted:This is pretty outdated advice. Now it's highly recommended that you actually walk around and sit next to the interviewer instead of across from them. This demonstrates that you're on the same side and supportive instead of the adversarial facing position. The other advice was that if you see a picture on their desk you should ask about it because that makes them happy and then they'll associate happy feelings with you.
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Nov 3, 2017 17:23
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spog posted:Are you being interviewed by a cat? I hope not, I lead with a weak handshake to establish that I'm not a threat and I don't know how to modify that for cats
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Nov 3, 2017 17:24
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Hoshi posted:The other advice was that if you see a picture on their desk you should ask about it because that makes them happy and then they'll associate happy feelings with you. If the picture is of their children, make sure to compliment them on their attractiveness. Every 2 minutes until the interview is halted.
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Nov 3, 2017 17:32
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Hoshi posted:I hope not, I lead with a weak handshake to establish that I'm not a threat and I don't know how to modify that for cats Cats actually bury their poop to avoid offending the dominate member of the group, who marks the territory by leaving their uncovered; domestic cats use litter boxes because they perceive people as dominate. So it's important that you clearly demonstrate your position by burying your poop to show you respect the power relationship and aren't challenging. I mean you can also choose to challenge them directly, but if you win this usually means you have to kill any of their young, which can really badly impact the internship program at a company.
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Nov 3, 2017 17:33
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At the end of the interview, make sure to ask the interviewer to pose with you for a selfie - this will make the interview memorable for them, and when you send a follow email, you can attach the picture.
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Nov 3, 2017 17:41
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Make sure to learn at least three different magic tricks to perform during interviews. "Why would I be perfect for Male, Stale & Pale Financial Services? Well, you wouldn't believe where people are keeping their savings these days!" [reaches for interviewer's ear]
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Nov 3, 2017 17:42
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so I could say that I finally figured out what this god damned cube is doing. Get well Lowtax.
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I begin my thank you emails, "Dearest future boss," to remind them that I applied for a job and they interviewed me
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Nov 3, 2017 17:45
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Make sure you offer a sufficient donative to the soldiery to guarantee their support for your bid.
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Nov 3, 2017 17:50
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Actually it's Dear Bastard Parasite, if it's the kind of place where we're all so laid-back we don't even wear ties!!, because these people respect gumption and straight-talking. This is when you're writing your handwritten thank-you note, which you should do after standing in the foyer and harassing the secretaries who aren't being chased around their desks about when the CEO will be back in the office.
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Nov 3, 2017 17:55
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Switch seats with your boss, then interview them for the job. Ensure that your responses are accurately negative and concerned. At the end of the interview, stand, shake their hand, and escort them out of the building.
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Nov 3, 2017 18:26
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Make sure not to show teeth when you smile. DEFINITELY don't pound your chest.
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Nov 3, 2017 18:50
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I actually got my current job by going on a tirade about how everyone in this city I've interviewed with so far is a drat fool idiot coward who values useless platitudes over the truth. So I guess my advice is to insult the intelligence and capability of everyone else and sort of backhandedly complement your boss-to-be contingent on them hiring you.
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Nov 3, 2017 18:52
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"So, why should I hire you?" "Because your wife will be so much happier not to have to fake trips to her sister's place in Wisconsin once I live closer to her."
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Nov 3, 2017 19:05
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When you take your seat, do so gracefully. Put a tie on, then immediately loosen it. Then take out your seperate pair of muddy boots (bonus points for cowboy boots, not snakeskin though you cretin), replace your dress shoes with muddy boots and proceed to lean back and put them on their desk.
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Nov 3, 2017 19:51
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Make yourself at home so they can't imagine their office without you there
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Nov 3, 2017 20:01
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Ashcans posted:I mean you can also choose to challenge them directly, but if you win this usually means you have to kill any of their young, which can really badly impact the internship program at a company. I missed this part of your post earlier, but 
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Nov 3, 2017 20:44
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Guys! Guys! I got summoned for jury duty and was selected for a trial!!! Excused from work, paid for the day, and now I get morning break, lunch, TWO?!?! afternoon breaks, and judge shuts down court at 4pm??? Holy poo poo, I'm in heaven!!! This is amazing!! And the trial is gonna last almost a week!!!! Suck it Big Pharma!
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Nov 3, 2017 23:19
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Make sure you watch 12 angry men before it starts.
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Nov 3, 2017 23:28
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Mourne posted:Guys! Guys! It's gonna be really funny when you come back after day 2 of the trial all like "OH GOD PLEASE HELP ME HOW DO I GET THE BOREDOM OUT OF MY HEAD!?"
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Nov 4, 2017 00:12
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Mourne posted:Guys! Guys! Are you Obama?
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Nov 4, 2017 00:19
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