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We have a toddler travel cot (one of the best investments) that our 4 year old can sleep on if he wants to sleep in our room for any reason. Its helped tremendously. He'll go through phases where he'll have bad dreams and want to be in our room every night. I can't get sleep if he's in our bed. The cot solves that problem. I think it also helps that he knows its there and we're supportive of him.
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Nov 1, 2017 16:02
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KingColliwog posted:My two years old is like that sometimes (mostly when tired). At night if my girlfriend reads him stories before I put him to bed when I come in he'll go "Mom go away, dad sit in chair". He's still mostly just nice, but I can't wait to see how things are when he's three!! Chin Strap posted:She's also getting bossy. Hahah, I am super familiar with this stuff now. I usually play along if its something that doesn't matter (or turn it into a game where I fail to play along and he has to guide me in how to do it 'right', which he absolutely loves), which... well I'm not sure if its the wisest idea. When it is something that does matter he gets shut down hard and fast and we don't give an inch, so hopefully it balances out. But then I do the same sort of "let him have his fun" with lots of stuff. Maybe I'm making a monster. Unless we're in a hurry, I even let him run away from me when we are trying to get dressed! (But I make sure to tell him "Do you want daddy to chase and catch you to dress you? If so, ask daddy to do it, and since we aren't in a hurry we can do that." and run through that every time, try to very much keep "acceptable play" and "gently caress we gotta go come here now and put these clothes on" in their own buckets as far as possible) I even did this with biting - teaching him to "pretend" bite and bite "gentle" in a way we don't mind was just so much easier than getting him to stop biting at all and we only occasionally get him biting a bit too hard and he's stopped biting completely outside of play situations because biting is what you do when you're playing (and when you're playing you "pretend" to bite, not real bite). I look forward to seeing how all this enabling of behaviours most people find undesireable ends up biting me in the rear end later on. Maybe literally! I could also use some advice though: He's also been super emotional and prone to breakdowns after he wakes up from his naps for the last couple weeks. He always has been to a certain extent, but it's gotten real bad. He just cries and cries, saying "I'm sad" to himself over and over again, over the slightest thing or sometimes nothing at all. He'll say he wants something then cry over getting it or not getting it fast enough or both. He'll cry over the fact that a light is off when he wants it on, even though he never asked for it to be turned on (or vice versa). It's heartbreaking. It lasts up to an hour after his nap, and then he's right as rain and his usual happy self again. What the gently caress is going on? In good news, he's getting really good at respond promptly to "Stop", "Look At Me", and "Come Here" as long as I use them in one specific phrasing and tone of voice. Immediate compliance, its great. His mom is incredibly frustrated that she cannot get the same, it only works for me. But hey, I put a lot of work into training this (and have no idea how to generalize it) so I'll take what I can get. GlyphGryph fucked around with this message at 16:22 on Nov 1, 2017 |
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Nov 1, 2017 16:18
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BonoMan posted:I love my 3 year old to death but holy poo poo the not minding is out of control. She's an angel at daycare, but when she's with mom or dad she just loves to not do what we say (unless it's something she wants to do of course). What is the “Santa” excuse? Are your expectations for “not minding” developmentally appropriate? Are you changing how you are asking for things? Are you giving choices? Are you picking your battles? I’ve seen lots of people basically pick fights with their very young kids. If you know that he doesn’t listen when he’s stuck on some activity, why initiate the conflict?
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Nov 1, 2017 16:43
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Anya posted:When will children ever sleep in their own bed? My almost 4 year old son is a nightmare at night - 2 hours of screaming last night. But then pops right to sleep in my bed. We have a new house. You have a Spider-Man room. Please sleep in it. Gotta say you might just have to bear a few nights of screaming. Go in and reassure that everything is fine every so often during the screaming, but leave him in his room. Kids’ capacity to scream for what they want is pretty amazing if they eventually finally get it. I’d be shocked if I takes more than a few days for it to resolve.
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Nov 1, 2017 16:45
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n8r posted:What is the “Santa” excuse? Well I was just venting mostly, but I think they're developmentally appropriate. For instance she likes to run my belt through the my belt loops. But the other day, when I was running late, I explained that I had to do it (because it takes her a long time) and she just literally ignored everything I said and was kicking, clawing, screaming to try to get to my belt to do it herself - no matter how many times I tried to calmly explain she couldn't do it. We give choices - we calmly talk about things - and we definitely pick our battles. But almost any decision is faced with her just completely ignoring you to go into full "I'll do it however I want" way. And she can get pretty aggressive physically with trying to do it. We definitely don't pick fights that's for sure. And the santa excuse is just "you need to be good! Santa is watching and brings presents to good boys and girls!" Which usually just results in her saying "I want presents!" but continuing on whatever activity it is we're trying to divert or change. But again - she's 3 so we're not expecting her to be a perfect soldier. I was just venting off some steam about how brain breaking it can be dealing with it 24/7!
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Nov 1, 2017 16:54
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I mean, unless you/Santa are planning to actually not get her presents, kids are going to figure that you don't actually mean it quick.
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Nov 1, 2017 18:00
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sheri posted:I mean, unless you/Santa are planning to actually not get her presents, kids are going to figure that you don't actually mean it quick. oh ok edit; Just in case it wasn't obvious. I'm joking. I know it's an empty threat which is why I don't I was mentioning not liking it at all. Just sometimes, especially when my time/job is injected into the situation I need a quick diffuser. BonoMan fucked around with this message at 18:44 on Nov 1, 2017 |
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Nov 1, 2017 18:06
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Anya posted:When will children ever sleep in their own bed? My almost 4 year old son is a nightmare at night - 2 hours of screaming last night. But then pops right to sleep in my bed. We have a new house. You have a Spider-Man room. Please sleep in it. Every time you let your kid sleep in your bed you reinforce this sleep association and behavior. If you let it go on for 2 hours and then you give in, then you've just reinforced that if your kid cries long enough, that you'll give in - so you may even be making it worse. Also, a new house sounds like it could be a stressful transition? Maybe that's something that you need to look at too? Your kid is older than mine so maybe there are other factors to consider that I'm missing, but maybe you should look at some methods to extinguish the sleep association? That's what we had to do when we realized we inadvertently created a sleep association with middle of the night bottles and wake-ups. Ferber's book has a lot of tips on how to wean off of bad habits like this, on a gradual schedule that should bear fruit over a short period of time.
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Nov 1, 2017 18:09
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BonoMan mine was doing something similar for a while even though hes younger. Its pretty much the perfect "time out" situation, because its not a punishment, just an actual tangible solution to the ongoing problem she is creating. If she is doing something or stopping you from doing something, then you remove her from the situation, stick her in her room or whatever, and ignore her protestations until you are done and there is nothing more she can interfere with. Dont even warn or threaten - just tell her the behaviour is not okay so she has to go in her room until you are done with the whole routine. Immediate consequences are way more powerful than empty threats, and once they have been solidly and consistently established you can rarely use them as a threat in a situation where you really dont want to spend the time carrying it out - but only rarely. Also when she does get out, explain the unacceptable action that caused it again, and how and why it did, and have her apologize. Do this maybe ten or so times in a row without deviation and you should have a solid base to work from. GlyphGryph fucked around with this message at 22:01 on Nov 1, 2017 |
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Nov 1, 2017 21:55
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GlyphGryph posted:BonoMan mine was doing something similar for a while even though hes younger. Its pretty much the perfect "time out" situation, because its not a punishment, just an actual tangible solution to the ongoing problem she is creating. If she is doing something or stopping you from doing something, then you remove her from the situation, stick her in her room or whatever, and ignore her protestations until you are done and there is nothing more she can interfere with. We do all of this. Hasn't really worked yet. Or at least it just hasn't set in. We do timeouts, with explanations and apologies. We do breathing sessions when she really gets worked up and all rationality is out the window - and that works great to get her to calm down and discuss things. It all works for in the moment, but so far hasn't stuck in her brain as to have been a preventative measure. edit: all that to say that I *feel* we're on the right track with how we're approaching things. It's just at this point, other than going along to get out of the situation she's currently in... it just hasn't sunk in yet. Which I'm just attributing to her being three. BonoMan fucked around with this message at 22:21 on Nov 1, 2017 |
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Nov 1, 2017 22:15
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I dont know for sure but the way it sounds like you are describing it really seems like theres a failure in both consistency and immediacy of application. You can always do it even earlier - before doing the belt, let her know that if she either needs to let you do it yourself or go to her room.on her own until you are done and put here there before you start if she doesnt agree to be patient. Or whatever. I am not an expert and could be misreading the situation. Or maybe shes just being three and you are on the right road and just need to vent haha. Thats is possible too.
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Nov 1, 2017 22:35
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GlyphGryph posted:I dont know for sure but the way it sounds like you are describing it really seems like theres a failure in both consistency and immediacy of application. I think we're fairly consistent (and yeah my rush to type things out while venting probably doesn't present the best overall picture ha!). For certain things I can try what you suggest - being proactive. Sometimes it's just hard because she'll go 2 months without wanting to help with my belt and then one day feels a primal *need* to loop that thing through the loops!
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Nov 1, 2017 23:09
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BonoMan posted:I think we're fairly consistent (and yeah my rush to type things out while venting probably doesn't present the best overall picture ha!). My son is only 2 so what do I know, but I think that's normal and it is annoying, but should be expected. If you let her help you most of the time then if you don't every now and then because you don't have time it's kind of normal to have a tantrum sometimes. Doesn't mean that what you do is wrong, it's just normal for a kid that age to be pissed when she doesn't get her way, especially if it's something she usually gets to do. When it happens I think the best approach is probably to just let her have her tantrum while you do you stuff if possible and if she's really making it impossible because she's just jumping on you and stuff do a time-out or try to direct her attention to something else. It's obviously easier said than done, but if it's really bad I'd just ask her to look me in the eye, explain that I have to do it and that since she's not letting me I will put her in her room and will come to pick her back up when I'm done or when she calms down not sure which one is more appropriate. Other option would be to let her help while you don't really let her help and do it yourself very fast. Or just say something like "hey today we'll put the belt on super fast!" and be super hyper, make noises and poo poo while you put your belt on and she "helps". My son loves to help me tie my shoes (it's my secret way to get him to the door in the morning) but if we're a bit late I'll try to make it a different game where we're super fast and I sing, make noises and generally act like and insane person so he's sort of amused while I get my way. This might not be realistic and she might not accept it, but it's worth a try because it might not have to be a fight in the first place. Anya posted:When will children ever sleep in their own bed? My almost 4 year old son is a nightmare at night - 2 hours of screaming last night. But then pops right to sleep in my bed. We have a new house. You have a Spider-Man room. Please sleep in it. A lot of people said it, but I think never ever letting them sleep with you is probably by far the best solution. We make it so our son cannot physically get out of his room (he's not an escape artist though, but if he was we'd just close his door and put some kid proof handle I think). When he cries at night we go in and sit in there while he goes back to sleep. The rules are that we only stay if he's silent and laying down in the bed. If he's not "sleeping" then we leave. Let him cry for a few minutes and come back in. The rules are the same when we get him to go to sleep after the bedtime routine. It's extremely rare that I have to leave anymore. It might take a little while to take effect, especially since he is used to something else, but finding a routine that works for you and that does not let him get out of his room is probably your best option. Be warned that you might have a few nights where you don't get to sleep much though while he settles in the new routine. GlyphGryph posted:I usually play along if its something that doesn't matter (or turn it into a game where I fail to play along and he has to guide me in how to do it 'right', which he absolutely loves), which... well I'm not sure if its the wisest idea. When it is something that does matter he gets shut down hard and fast and we don't give an inch, so hopefully it balances out. I think that's fine and it's what I do too. Of course if it's causing problem with a specific kid then stop doing it, but I believe that if you are able to make a clear distinction between the "we get to play this morning" and "we are just getting out the door this morning" then their should not be much of a problem. In my case he's usually able to make the distinction anyway. KingColliwog fucked around with this message at 00:19 on Nov 2, 2017 |
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Nov 2, 2017 00:07
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I go in and sit for an hour, we listen to a soundtrack - and sometimes it works and sometimes he screams to the end for hours and then it becomes an issue of losing sleep for the next day. We co-slept due to nursing, and he was the kid that never slept unless he was touching me. Sure, probably that didn’t help but my sanity and ability to sleep was more important, and listening to a baby scream was not. He’s also going to be the only kid, and it’s a phase he will grow out of so I’m not crazy worried overall. He is pretty attached to me, as he sleeps well when I’m not there (grandparents house, I’m out of town). It’s more become an issue in that he fights bath time following into bedtime and then I just want my evenings back, and I’m sure the move over the past month has finally started sinking in (he keeps talking at night about not wanting to live here and wanting to be back in the old apartment). It ends up defaulting onto me as the nighttime parent and i need to be functional at work, so sleeping in our bed is what happens a lot. He doesn’t need to be up until 11 and that happens quite a lot.
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Nov 2, 2017 03:32
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Maybe next time you won't gently caress around with attachment parenting
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Nov 2, 2017 05:08
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KingColliwog posted:
Ha I used to try this but it never works. She always yells at us to stop "singing" or "dancing" (which she'll think we're doing when we do things like that) and always straight up 100% has to do it herself. She sees right through any attempt to speed her through it! Here's another interesting thing she does: Whenever she finds that she wants to do something I'm doing or something like that... we always have to completely reset the scenario. For instance if she sees me walking from the hallway to the kitchen to feed the fish, she won't simply go "oh I want to feed the fish with dad!" She'll basically say "oh I want to feed the fish... but I want to do it... so that means you can't do it. So we need to reset this scenario to where you aren't doing it. So she will screw the top back on the fish food, put it where it goes and close the lid then physically make me go back to the hallway to my starting place where she first saw me and start the enactment. I'll walk in towards the fish, she'll go "Oh I want to feed the fish." and she starts the whole process. Anytime the scenario (be it putting on my belt, coloring outside with chalk ,whatever) doesn't go her way she has to TOTALLY reset the scenario. It's fascinating really because she's like a mini stage director.
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Nov 2, 2017 05:16
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namaste faggots posted:Maybe next time you won't gently caress around with attachment parenting What are you getting out of a post like that? Anya posted:I go in and sit for an hour, we listen to a soundtrack - and sometimes it works and sometimes he screams to the end for hours and then it becomes an issue of losing sleep for the next day. We co-slept due to nursing, and he was the kid that never slept unless he was touching me. Sure, probably that didn’t help but my sanity and ability to sleep was more important, and listening to a baby scream was not. He’s also going to be the only kid, and it’s a phase he will grow out of so I’m not crazy worried overall. He is pretty attached to me, as he sleeps well when I’m not there (grandparents house, I’m out of town). Wow I feel your pain, that's clearly not something that is acceptable or that you should keep living with for much longer. I'm sure the co sleeping is part of it, but now that he's older that doesn't mean you need to keep doing it. But yeah it's obviously going to be harder to cut that habit out if it's been going on all of his life. But the fact that he can sleep fine when you're not there should tell you that he can do it and that you should not feel bad cutting the cord if you want to. The move certainly seems to be a big part of it. How was it before you moved? You might need to deal with the move before you can switch habits. Once that's done though I think you will need to accept dealing with a few nights of terrible sleep to thankfully get more sleep after. If there's any chance that you will accept getting her back in your bed then letting her cry and protest for hours is just reinforcing that if she cries long enough you'll give in. I think you need to chose between I'm ok with her sleeping with us or I'm not ok with it. Both options are fine and plenty of people do sleep with their kids and it's perfectly fine and natural to do so, but if it's not ok with you then you need to really change the way you do it and not accept her getting out of her room even if you don't sleep a single minute that night. Easier said than done I know, but if you're not ready to accept that then I would simply bring her in the room and avoid the whole thing altogether. BonoMan posted:Ha I used to try this but it never works. She always yells at us to stop "singing" or "dancing" (which she'll think we're doing when we do things like that) and always straight up 100% has to do it herself. She sees right through any attempt to speed her through it! Yeah certainly thought this might be a possibility, but suggested it anyway in case you didn't try. Getting her out of the room, in timeout or something might be the best solution then. I think that's what I would try. \/\/\/ those are nice ways to keep letting her sleep with you if you are comfortable with it \/\/\/ KingColliwog fucked around with this message at 12:50 on Nov 2, 2017 |
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Nov 2, 2017 05:54
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Anya posted:I go in and sit for an hour, we listen to a soundtrack - and sometimes it works and sometimes he screams to the end for hours and then it becomes an issue of losing sleep for the next day. We co-slept due to nursing, and he was the kid that never slept unless he was touching me. Sure, probably that didn’t help but my sanity and ability to sleep was more important, and listening to a baby scream was not. He’s also going to be the only kid, and it’s a phase he will grow out of so I’m not crazy worried overall. He is pretty attached to me, as he sleeps well when I’m not there (grandparents house, I’m out of town). You do what you need to do. Our kid slept in our room (but not in our bed) until he was one. I don't like to block him from being able to come into our room if he really needs us. The travel cot was a great transitional tool. After he was a baby, I couldn't sacrifice my sleep anymore. I needed to be able to function at work. I also get the needing alone time! It took us trial and error to get him to go to sleep in his room and stay the whole night in his room. He still will come in every once in a great while when he has a bad dream. That's fine. The cot is there for him. I think having that safety net has helped him be ok with things. For almost a year he could only fall asleep watching Fantasia or Bob Ross. Now he falls asleep listening to either the Breath of the Wild soundtrack or the Fantasia soundtrack. He also knows if he wakes up in the middle of the night, he can turn the music back on himself. As far as the getting some alone time, we've had to make personal adjustments. He goes to bed between 7:30 - 8. Usually by the time he goes to bed my husband and I are exhausted. Neither of us have the energy to get any work done. We usually spend a half an hour doing chores, watch an hour of something on netflix, and then go to bed. We now get up at 5am and we have 2 hours of restful coffee-fueled alone time before he gets up at 7! Edit: My kid has a will of steel. It is crazy. If had attempted to just let him cry it out and deal with it, he would have done it all night long. We live in an apartment and while its insulated well, I don't want him screaming and crying at 3am. Alterian fucked around with this message at 11:31 on Nov 2, 2017 |
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Nov 2, 2017 11:29
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Our daughter co-slept until 2 and often climbs into our bed in the early morning still (she'll be 3 in March) but our bed is enormous for exactly this reason so we just let her get on with it. As time goes on its gradually happening less and less, and usually she'll climb in and drop straight back off to sleep next to one of us without even waking the other up. No bother, really.
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Nov 2, 2017 12:17
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Now Daniel puked, just as David's gotten back to normal.
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Nov 2, 2017 17:15
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I went to wake my 2yo daughter up this morning and she had had a bloody nose in her sleep. When she got up, she looked at her pillow and saw the blood and said "Red boogers, Daddy!" She must have been aware of the bloody nose happening because how else would she know to call it "boogers"? And then, if she was aware of it, she didn't cry or anything from this red stuff suddenly coming out of her nose? Kids baffle me sometimes. To jump on the kids not wanting to do the things you want them to train. We've been using "if you don't do it, daddy / mommy will do it for you" and then giving her a chance to do what she wants. If she still dawdles, we'll say "I'm going to count to 3, and if you don't do it, daddy / mommy will do it for you." By now, she immediately does it when she hears "1". At first, after "3", we'd immediately do whatever it was, and she'd say "What happened, mommy / daddy?" - we'd then explain "I asked you to do this thing, but you didn't. I told you that you had until 3 to do it yourself, and you didn't do it, so I had to do it for you." That seemed to work for us, but all kids are different, blah blah blah. :-)
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Nov 2, 2017 18:38
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My niece still gets into her parent's bed at age 10. Much of our parenting strategy has been to do the exact opposite of the parenting decisions that my sister/bil have made.
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Nov 2, 2017 18:54
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Good-Natured Filth posted:By now, she immediately does it when she hears "1". I do the same (well, 3-2-1 go) but this part is absolutely not accurate. He will immediately begin looking around thinking WHAT CAN I ACCOMPLISH BEFORE HE GETS TO 3? So he runs off to the other room to grab three cars and a truck, skids back into the bedroom as I start saying one, shoves one into my hand and tosses the remainder (except one) on to the floor, scrambles on top of his step and then uses the car to slam off the light. Or sometimes he fails to get up there in time, but at least I have a car in my hand so I end up using my car to turn off the light which is better than someone just using their fingers I guess somehow? Anyway, the slow I count the more frantic and ambitious he gets with what needs to be done before I reach go, it's actually super hilarious. If I count quick he usually just does it though.
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Nov 2, 2017 18:57
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We are just gearing up to start sleep training again after a bad combination of illness and travel laid waste to all the work we have done thus far. This week we've just been prepping for it by reading to him and otherwise quietly interacting with him in his crib around bedtime because he has started to get some bad associations with being in his crib.
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Nov 2, 2017 19:00
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GlyphGryph posted:I do the same (well, 3-2-1 go) but this part is absolutely not accurate. He will immediately begin looking around thinking WHAT CAN I ACCOMPLISH BEFORE HE GETS TO 3? So he runs off to the other room to grab three cars and a truck, skids back into the bedroom as I start saying one, shoves one into my hand and tosses the remainder (except one) on to the floor, scrambles on top of his step and then uses the car to slam off the light. That made me laugh out loud. I do the countdown thing too, but up to now it mostly gets me a tantrum while I force stuff on him. Still do it because I figure it's going to work eventually when he understands that he never gets out of it
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Nov 2, 2017 20:14
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n8r posted:My niece still gets into her parent's bed at age 10. Much of our parenting strategy has been to do the exact opposite of the parenting decisions that my sister/bil have made. This is my wife and I with my brother and his wife. It’s funny how easy it is to correct (and sometimes over-correct) for other’s parenting mistakes while it’s so difficult to diagnose your own. I’d like to think we’re pretty aware of our own shortcomings as parents and do what we can. But it really does help to have clueless siblings to have kids first to avoid early mistakes.
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Nov 5, 2017 17:03
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Yeah, bunch of new changes in his life usually don’t help. I enjoy the cuddles, but would like more evening free time. As for the attachment parenting thing? I don’t know if that’s truly what I did, but my kid is still pretty cool and nice so if that’s what it created then cool.
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Nov 5, 2017 17:10
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I think judging other people on things like where their kids sleep is pretty lovely. If everyone is safe and getting sleep who the gently caress cares. Kids are different, parents are different, what works for one doesn't work for all.
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Nov 5, 2017 20:21
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I could care less where a kid sleeps, but it seems like people that choose to do co-sleep often have difficulty transitioning out of it. I think it's similar to weaning kids off breast feeding, it can take a lot of effort. One thing that seems difficult with co-sleeping is just getting the kid enough hours in bed asleep. How do people work that out with trying to get a kid to sleep 12+ hours a night. Are you just in bed with them the entire time? It's always a balancing act between what works today, while you are exhausted and just want them to sleep - and what will work best in the long term. With my sister/bil they were always doing whatever worked that day regardless of how hard it was on them. Insanely long bedtime routines, letting my niece back into bed when they didn't want it to happen. They just have never been able to step back a bit and come up with solutions that worked for them.
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Nov 5, 2017 22:13
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We breastfeed and co sleep and I don't plan on 'training' my kid out of it. I love the snuggles, and would probably miss her when she's gone.
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Nov 5, 2017 22:21
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oh god i think his naptime wakeups are actually getting worse. he just wakes up sobbing things like "why daddy why" and how he needs things he already has and breaking into big tears while point at his toys or things outside and asking WHATS THAT? and generally just seeming very confused about everything. Personally its frustrating but I will live with it but having him cry like this every day and not knowing anything that will help except wait half an hout is driving her to pieces. please provide useful advice ;—;
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Nov 5, 2017 22:30
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I dunno, man. We're cosleeping right now and moving her to her own bed will probably be a longish transition. But giving up on that drat crib feels like our best sleep decision ever? For over a year now she has literally never fought bedtime; she puts on jammies, skips into the bedroom, gets three stories and then snuggles herself to sleep within fifteen minutes. We leave her alone in there while we do our own thing until our bedtime, she sleeps through the night. Sure, I wish she didn't wear shoes to bed or bring 500 stuffed animals, but it still feels like a pretty good deal. What took a lot of effort was all that stuff we were doing before this, trying to get her to fall asleep on her own in the crib that she hated. I'm not at all worried about the weaning, it worked fine with both breastfeeding and potty training. I feel like there's so many boogeymen in the sleep thing, where everybody's convinced that the thing they're not doing is just a recipe for disaster. Really, the only disaster is when you're sleep deprived and desperate and go online and get scared you'll ruin your kid and start doing poo poo that doesn't work for you for way too long (to be clear, I'm referring to myself here)
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Nov 5, 2017 22:49
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n8r posted:I could care less where a kid sleeps, but it seems like people that choose to do co-sleep often have difficulty transitioning out of it. I think it's similar to weaning kids off breast feeding, it can take a lot of effort. One thing that seems difficult with co-sleeping is just getting the kid enough hours in bed asleep. How do people work that out with trying to get a kid to sleep 12+ hours a night. Are you just in bed with them the entire time? We co-sleep and I spend like 9-10 hours a day in bed, we basically stagger it so I go to bed with the kid and read or do poo poo on my phone, then I get up at 5 and do whatever I want and get ready for work, then our kid's usually awake by the time my wife has to get up and get ready for work, if not I hang out until she is or we'll wake her up at about 8am. She used to go to daycare and napped fine there, now she's at home with her grandparents for a bit and she naps in her room on the floor so I'm hoping we'll be able to transition her out of our bed sometime but it isn't a big deal. She kicks me in the head occasionally but overall everyone sleeps pretty well and putting her to bed is basically give her some milk and then dump her between me and a pillow and she rolls around doing whatever then passes out eventually with no intervention or drama. Kid's 16 months now and slept in a crib in our room most of the time for the first 10-12 months, but we'd pretty much always have to get up and move her into our bed to make her stop crying at some point in the night. We were going to transition her out of our room entirely at 1 year but she also started daycare and spent the last 4 months sick and the sleep training wasn't happening so here we are.
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Nov 5, 2017 23:05
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I think the simple and only real answer is does it work for you? Do you mind doing X? Do you mind dealing with the potential negatives of doing X? Co sleeping is perfectly fine and valid if you are fine with it. A lot of people are not but keep doing it to avoid having a bad night today even if they are not ok with the idea of having their child sleep with them often. Crib only is perfectly fine and valid if you are fine with it and accept that your kid may have more trouble sleeping sometimes and may need a reassuring presence since it's not particularly strange for a baby human to want to avoid sleeping alone. I don't think one is better than the other, but the problem comes when people do what they don't actually want to do. Like the poster that started this conversation doesn't seem to enjoy cosleeping and only does it to avoid sleepless nights which may in fact simply make things worst in the long run. Making choices and sticking to them is that most important part I think.
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Nov 5, 2017 23:34
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Completely off topic but I hate the new stupid newbie avatar.
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Nov 5, 2017 23:39
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sheri posted:Completely off topic but I hate the new stupid newbie avatar. Whatever, Trump Lover. RE: Cosleeping and transitioning, my wife's stepmother slept in her parent's bed until she was goddamn 17 so it's entirely possible to gently caress it up and break the habit disturbingly late. We have a 5 month old right now, he's been sleeping in his own room since he was a month old or something, although we do occasionally nurse him in our bed when my wife is exhausted.
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Nov 6, 2017 00:15
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LogisticEarth posted:Whatever, Trump Lover. Honestly, there's probably a lot more going on in that situation that got hosed up and not co sleeping. We semi-coslept. He was in our room 100% for the first year or two. I can't even get him to sleep in my bed if I wanted to now. My husband was on a trip for 8 nights for work and I told him he could sleep in bed with me while he was gone if he wanted to. Nope. he wanted to sleep in his own bed in his own room.
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Nov 6, 2017 00:21
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GlyphGryph posted:oh god i think his naptime wakeups are actually getting worse. he just wakes up sobbing things like "why daddy why" and how he needs things he already has and breaking into big tears while point at his toys or things outside and asking WHATS THAT? and generally just seeming very confused about everything. I hope there are more answers out there that she can explore, but I have a 2 year old that wakes up from naps (and sometimes in the morning) the same way. Crying, confused, saying nonsense sometimes. It’s a Russian roulette when I go get her from her bed. What has worked for me is ... fruit snacks. I go in there with fruit snacks at the ready, and she focuses on eating those one at a time for 5-10 mins, and by the time she’s done she’s normal. I’m sure this won’t work forever, but hopefully she won’t wake up all weird forever, too. Previously I have tried (with some limited success) things like just sitting her on my lap for 5-10 and being quiet, or singing whatever her new favorite song is, or bringing a random toy to show her. Fruit snacks has worked most consistently and longest though. Good luck to you guys. Edit to clarify: she doesn’t just fuss for 5-10 if I don’t intervene; she will work herself into a good half hour screaming meltdown if I just get her out of her crib and let her be. I really understand being driven to pieces by toddler screaming. Squid fucked around with this message at 03:47 on Nov 6, 2017 |
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Nov 6, 2017 03:41
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Not that I have a solution for you guys, but our 2yo had a phase where she did the same thing - crying inconsolably for about 30 minutes after waking up from a nap. It lasted maybe a month and then stopped just as quickly as it started. We figured it had to deal with separation anxiety because she typically falls asleep for nap with one of us in the room, and then we leave to go do whatever. When she wakes up, we aren't there, so she was scared we had left her. In any case, it's hopefully a phase, and your kids will get through it soon enough and get onto the next frustrating (yet lovable) phase.
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Nov 6, 2017 04:07
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Another theory- ever get so exhausted you fall asleep and wake up, and have no idea how much time had passed? Like you blink, and a moment ago it was dark and quiet and suddenly the sun is up? For an adult, that 'lost time' might be momentarily disorienting, but it could be scary for a young child. Another thought is sleep paralysis, which can be freaky as an adult but again, much more frightening as a toddler.
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Nov 6, 2017 06:29
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