Actual spam email I received

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > Actual spam email I received

FactsAreUseless

hello im well on my way to bcoming a sex servant four you.

i should be in hollywood being supper rich with a childish softcore escort.will you send me some cumfort now jamout kidrcock in my chevy silverado.ive been playing with magnuts tying to change the wold as we know it,and also too attractto atract some one like yo an youre er kinky makes me fell horny rear end hell.and makess me lauf out load..! my name is Mark lloyd with silver silverado duromax 4x4 mag wheeles bed liner automatick transmittion with kidrock licence plates to gett my atension fell good to type cause my handwrighting isnt very good i learnd in jr hi school a feuw years ago. i tought abuot becmming a vetrinarian. horse dokter i kind of got sidetraked. if sex please email me thnks ML

lisen to thhis and think about it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rKFx0MMqb48

# ? Nov 16, 2017 03:41

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 20, 2024 00:47

FactsAreUseless

Mark Lloyd facts:

1. Mark Lloyd owns a Chevy Silverado Duramax. It is silver. It has 4x4 mag(?) wheeles[sic], a bed liner, and an automatic transmission.
2. Mark Lloyd has Kid Rock license plates. It is unclear if these are plate frames, or vanity plates.
3. Mark Lloyd should be in Hollywood.
4. Mark Lloyd should be super rich.
5. Mark Lloyd should be with a "childish softcore escort."
6. Mark Lloyd has been playing with magnets.
7. Mark Lloyd is trying to change the world as we know it.
8. Mark Lloyd wants to attract someone like me, and I'm er kinky.
9. This makes Mark Lloyd feel horny as hell.
10. This makes Mark Lloyd laugh out loud.
11. Mark Lloyd does not have good handwriting.
12. Because Mark Lloyd does not have good handwriting, he compensates with Kid Rock license plates to get attention.
13. A few years ago, Mark Lloyd was in junior high.
14. Mark Lloyd thought about becoming a veterinarian.
15. Mark Lloyd thought about becoming a horse doctor.
16. Mark Lloyd got sidetracked.
17. Mark Lloyd is well on his way to becoming a sex servant for me.

# ? Nov 16, 2017 03:47

FactsAreUseless

"Dammit!" screamed Mark Lloyd, pounding his fists on his science desk. "I've been playing with these magnets for months, and nothing has changed! The world is still the same!" Mark Lloyd ran his fingers through his luxurious golden hair and sighed.

"Kid Rock... talk to me. Tell me what I need to hear." Mark Lloyd looked at his Kid Rock portrait, nearly 9 feet tall.

"I should be super rich. I should be in Hollywood. Kid Rock! Where have I gone wrong?!" Mark Lloyd threw his magnets to the floor, and the sound echoed through the empty room. All he had ever wanted was to be a veterinarian. But that dream was dashed. He'd become sidetracked. Now he had to settle for second-best. Changing the world forever with magnets.

"I just want to be with someone kinky. That makes me feel horny as hell. That makes me laugh out loud! I am well on my way to becoming a sex servant for them... but drat these infernal magnets!"

Mark Lloyd stared at nothing. He imagined driving down the highway in his Silverado, blasting Kid Rock. Closing his eyes, he put his earbuds in. "Sheryl... Kid... take me home."

# ? Nov 16, 2017 03:56

Macnult

FactsAreUseless posted:

"Dammit!" screamed Mark Lloyd, pounding his fists on his science desk. "I've been playing with these magnets for months, and nothing has changed! The world is still the same!" Mark Lloyd ran his fingers through his luxurious golden hair and sighed.

"Kid Rock... talk to me. Tell me what I need to hear." Mark Lloyd looked at his Kid Rock portrait, nearly 9 feet tall.

"I should be super rich. I should be in Hollywood. Kid Rock! Where have I gone wrong?!" Mark Lloyd threw his magnets to the floor, and the sound echoed through the empty room. All he had ever wanted was to be a veterinarian. But that dream was dashed. He'd become sidetracked. Now he had to settle for second-best. Changing the world forever with magnets.

"I just want to be with someone kinky. That makes me feel horny as hell. That makes me laugh out loud! I am well on my way to becoming a sex servant for them... but drat these infernal magnets!"

Mark Lloyd stared at nothing. He imagined driving down the highway in his Silverado, blasting Kid Rock. Closing his eyes, he put his earbuds in. "Sheryl... Kid... take me home."

lmao

# ? Nov 16, 2017 07:54

Macnult

the Mark lloyd accion figure comes quippd with silver silverado duromax 4x4 mag wheeles bed liner automatick transmittion with kidrock licence plates

# ? Nov 16, 2017 07:55

Twenty Four

So have you guys banged in the extended cab of his Silverado while listening to kid rock yet or what? Or at least played with magnets while lounging on his bed liner?

# ? Nov 16, 2017 12:11

alnilam

mag wheels means like as opposed to spoked wheels, which cars haven't used in decades lol

Mark is a man of detail I'll tell you what, that or a fan of klassik kars

# ? Nov 16, 2017 12:13

alnilam

also here is an actual spam email i received:

Dear [my first name], Take regular walks -- after dinner with the family, a walk instead of a drive or take the dog for a stroll., Thank You.

there was no link, no attachment, nothing at all, and hell, it's good advice!

# ? Nov 16, 2017 12:18

alnilam

Maybe Mark can become a sex servant to a horse doctor / veterinarian, in exchange for apprenticeship/training

Mark Lloyd may seem sidetracked but he is well on his way to becoming a horse doctor

# ? Nov 16, 2017 12:20

Twenty Four

alnilam posted:

also here is an actual spam email i received:

Dear [my first name], Take regular walks -- after dinner with the family, a walk instead of a drive or take the dog for a stroll., Thank You.

there was no link, no attachment, nothing at all, and hell, it's good advice!

I now want to hack in to an email database, not for profit, just to send people positive messages.

"Yes your honor, I am guilty... of being nice, helpful, and uplifting."

# ? Nov 16, 2017 13:07

Android Blues

FactsAreUseless posted:

"Dammit!" screamed Mark Lloyd, pounding his fists on his science desk. "I've been playing with these magnets for months, and nothing has changed! The world is still the same!" Mark Lloyd ran his fingers through his luxurious golden hair and sighed.

"Kid Rock... talk to me. Tell me what I need to hear." Mark Lloyd looked at his Kid Rock portrait, nearly 9 feet tall.

"I should be super rich. I should be in Hollywood. Kid Rock! Where have I gone wrong?!" Mark Lloyd threw his magnets to the floor, and the sound echoed through the empty room. All he had ever wanted was to be a veterinarian. But that dream was dashed. He'd become sidetracked. Now he had to settle for second-best. Changing the world forever with magnets.

"I just want to be with someone kinky. That makes me feel horny as hell. That makes me laugh out loud! I am well on my way to becoming a sex servant for them... but drat these infernal magnets!"

Mark Lloyd stared at nothing. He imagined driving down the highway in his Silverado, blasting Kid Rock. Closing his eyes, he put his earbuds in. "Sheryl... Kid... take me home."

# ? Nov 16, 2017 14:27

FactsAreUseless

alnilam posted:

also here is an actual spam email i received:

Dear [my first name], Take regular walks -- after dinner with the family, a walk instead of a drive or take the dog for a stroll., Thank You.

there was no link, no attachment, nothing at all, and hell, it's good advice!

I've been playing with regular walks, trying to change the world as I know it. I'm well on my way to becoming a dog walker for you.

# ? Nov 16, 2017 18:17

FactsAreUseless

Macnult posted:

the Mark lloyd accion figure comes quippd with silver silverado duromax 4x4 mag wheeles bed liner automatick transmittion with kidrock licence plates

[small child playing with action figure on camera, imitating his signature catchphrase] That makes me horny as hell!

And don't miss these other exciting accessories, like Mark Lloyd's Play And Learn With Magnets, the Childish Softcore Escort, and Sheryl Crow!

# ? Nov 16, 2017 18:19

Barking Gecko: Mahoro says, "Naughty things are bad."

Leavin' Las Vegas in a Silverado 4x4 with mag wheels.

# ? Nov 16, 2017 18:27

Jolo: ive been playing with magnuts tying to change the wold as we know it

Mark Lloyd pulls his Silver Chevy Silverado Duramax into the parking lot of the horse doctor school. "This is your time Mark, it's time to become the kind of man that Kid would respect." He walks into the front door of the school and sees a white-board on the wall for new student sign ups. "This marker... How does it stay on the board? It's stuck to the wall as if by magic. Am I dreaming?" He frantically looks around for someone to share this discovery with. "Ma'am! Do you see this?!" He removes the marker from the board and feels it snap back to the board again and again. "How can this be? What forces are at work here?" The receptionist looks at Mark with a confused look. "There's a magnet on that marker that makes it stick to the board", she says. Mark can barely process this statement. To be honest, it makes him horny as hell. He nearly laughs out loud before exclaiming, "A magnut? This could change the world!" Mark runs out the front door of the school clutching the marker tightly. Dreams of fame, riches, and childish softcore escorts fill his mind. He will never again return to the horse doctor school.

~~~ byob summer 2020 ~~~ sig responsibly ~~~ i hope you enjoy my sig ~~~ please dont kangaroo jack what you cant kangaroo give back. ~~~

# ? Nov 16, 2017 18:43

FactsAreUseless

Barking Gecko posted:

Leavin' Las Vegas in a Silverado 4x4 with mag wheels.

I should be in Hollywood with a childish softcore escort. I should teach her how to run baby, run baby, run baby, run.

# ? Nov 16, 2017 18:50

FactsAreUseless

Jolo posted:

Mark Lloyd pulls his Silver Chevy Silverado Duramax into the parking lot of the horse doctor school. "This is your time Mark, it's time to become the kind of man that Kid would respect." He walks into the front door of the school and sees a white-board on the wall for new student sign ups. "This marker... How does it stay on the board? It's stuck to the wall as if by magic. Am I dreaming?" He frantically looks around for someone to share this discovery with. "Ma'am! Do you see this?!" He removes the marker from the board and feels it snap back to the board again and again. "How can this be? What forces are at work here?" The receptionist looks at Mark with a confused look. "There's a magnet on that marker that makes it stick to the board", she says. Mark can barely process this statement. To be honest, it makes him horny as hell. He nearly laughs out loud before exclaiming, "A magnut? This could change the world!" Mark runs out the front door of the school clutching the marker tightly. Dreams of fame, riches, and childish softcore escorts fill his mind. He will never again return to the horse doctor school.

# ? Nov 16, 2017 18:50

sockingtonsworth

FactsAreUseless posted:

"Dammit!" screamed Mark Lloyd, pounding his fists on his science desk. "I've been playing with these magnets for months, and nothing has changed! The world is still the same!" Mark Lloyd ran his fingers through his luxurious golden hair and sighed.

"Kid Rock... talk to me. Tell me what I need to hear." Mark Lloyd looked at his Kid Rock portrait, nearly 9 feet tall.

"I should be super rich. I should be in Hollywood. Kid Rock! Where have I gone wrong?!" Mark Lloyd threw his magnets to the floor, and the sound echoed through the empty room. All he had ever wanted was to be a veterinarian. But that dream was dashed. He'd become sidetracked. Now he had to settle for second-best. Changing the world forever with magnets.

"I just want to be with someone kinky. That makes me feel horny as hell. That makes me laugh out loud! I am well on my way to becoming a sex servant for them... but drat these infernal magnets!"

Mark Lloyd stared at nothing. He imagined driving down the highway in his Silverado, blasting Kid Rock. Closing his eyes, he put his earbuds in. "Sheryl... Kid... take me home."

# ? Nov 16, 2017 19:36

alnilam

Way out west there was this fella I wanna tell ya about. Goes by the name of Mark Lynn. At least that was the handle his loving parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. See, this Lynn, he called himself "Horny as Hell". Now, "Horny" - there's somethin no man would self-apply where I come from. But then there was a lot about Mark that didn't make a whole lot of sense. And a lot about where he lived, likewise. But then again, maybe that's why I found the place so darned interestin'. See, they call Veterinary School "Junior High"; but I didn't find it to be that, exactly. But I'll allow it as there are some nice folks there...

_{ty manifisto}

# ? Nov 16, 2017 19:42

Jolo: ive been playing with magnuts tying to change the wold as we know it

FactsAreUseless posted:

Mark Lloyd facts:

6. Mark Lloyd has been playing with magnets.
8. Mark Lloyd wants to attract someone like me, and I'm er kinky.
9. This makes Mark Lloyd feel horny as hell.
10. This makes Mark Lloyd laugh out loud.
17. Mark Lloyd is well on his way to becoming a sex servant for me.

I can't stop laughing at this post. This thing made my day FAU. Thanks for sharing.

~~~ byob summer 2020 ~~~ sig responsibly ~~~ i hope you enjoy my sig ~~~ please dont kangaroo jack what you cant kangaroo give back. ~~~

# ? Nov 16, 2017 20:15

FactsAreUseless

Jolo posted:

I can't stop laughing at this post. This thing made my day FAU. Thanks for sharing.

It also made me happy. I hope it makes the front page, to the confusion of many.

# ? Nov 16, 2017 20:51

Majuju: I had a beer with Stephen Miller once and now I like him.

Mark Lloyd's propensity for magnets would lend itself to a career in cattle veterinary medicine, where magnets are routinely fed to calves with the purpose of attracting any metallic objects the cows might swallow while grazing, thereby preventing hardware disease in the animals.

# ? Nov 16, 2017 21:01

UWBW: Permanently banned from the Alamo

ok but did you email him back? don't be rude, he's byob-famous now

Thanks to Manifisto for the sig, and Koishi for the last one. TVsVeryOwn made the CyberMike.

# ? Nov 17, 2017 02:16

Barking Gecko: Mahoro says, "Naughty things are bad."

FactsAreUseless posted:

I should be in Hollywood with a childish softcore escort. I should teach her how to run baby, run baby, run baby, run.

Like Steve McQueen, except it's like Mark Lloyd.

# ? Nov 17, 2017 03:27

Twenty Four

alnilam posted:

Way out west there was this fella I wanna tell ya about. Goes by the name of Mark Lynn. At least that was the handle his loving parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. See, this Lynn, he called himself "Horny as Hell". Now, "Horny" - there's somethin no man would self-apply where I come from. But then there was a lot about Mark that didn't make a whole lot of sense. And a lot about where he lived, likewise. But then again, maybe that's why I found the place so darned interestin'. See, they call Veterinary School "Junior High"; but I didn't find it to be that, exactly. But I'll allow it as there are some nice folks there...

Those magnets really pulled those metals together Dude

# ? Nov 17, 2017 08:37

google THIS

DMV Employee: I'm sorry sir, vanity plates are limited to seven characters. But "KIIIIII" is available.

Mark Lloyd: (dumps a plastic bag full of magnetic letter I's out onto the counter, then pulls a D, R, O, C, and K out of his pocket) Time to change the world!

# ? Nov 17, 2017 18:32

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD

Mark Lloyd really squandered his lil anakin money

# ? Nov 17, 2017 19:13

alnilam

Mark Lloyd, experimenting with magnets: this could change the world...

Mark's brother Christopher: Great Scott!!

# ? Nov 17, 2017 19:30

Jolo: ive been playing with magnuts tying to change the wold as we know it

I couldn't find a good way to incorporate the Chevy Silverado into the av, but am happy with how it turned out

~~~ byob summer 2020 ~~~ sig responsibly ~~~ i hope you enjoy my sig ~~~ please dont kangaroo jack what you cant kangaroo give back. ~~~

# ? Nov 17, 2017 20:46

alnilam

Jolo posted:

I couldn't find a good way to incorporate the Chevy Silverado into the av, but am happy with how it turned out

# ? Nov 17, 2017 20:57

google THIS

Jolo posted:

I couldn't find a good way to incorporate the Chevy Silverado into the av, but am happy with how it turned out

laufing out load

# ? Nov 17, 2017 21:00

google THIS

alnilam posted:

also here is an actual spam email i received:

Dear [my first name], Take regular walks -- after dinner with the family, a walk instead of a drive or take the dog for a stroll., Thank You.

there was no link, no attachment, nothing at all, and hell, it's good advice!

The generation that comes after us will be really disappointed whenever they don't have an adequate amount of spam in their inboxes, feeling listless without their daily dose of sage advice and aspiring sex servants. Professional spam writers will be furiously misspelling simple words 16 hours a day until their fingers bleed, absolutely raking in the cash but barely able to keep up with the voracious demand. We'll be looking on in bemusement, not sure whether to marvel at how the world has changed or curse the younger generation like our parents before us.

# ? Nov 17, 2017 21:24

FactsAreUseless

Jolo posted:

I couldn't find a good way to incorporate the Chevy Silverado into the av, but am happy with how it turned out

loving lmao

# ? Nov 17, 2017 22:41

Ultra Spoot

Get equipped with: sex magnet

# ? Nov 18, 2017 08:17

Twenty Four

Jolo posted:

I couldn't find a good way to incorporate the Chevy Silverado into the av, but am happy with how it turned out

whoah! lol

# ? Nov 18, 2017 11:52

drilldo squirt: a beautiful, soft meat sack

FactsAreUseless posted:

"Dammit!" screamed Mark Lloyd, pounding his fists on his science desk. "I've been playing with these magnets for months, and nothing has changed! The world is still the same!" Mark Lloyd ran his fingers through his luxurious golden hair and sighed.

"Kid Rock... talk to me. Tell me what I need to hear." Mark Lloyd looked at his Kid Rock portrait, nearly 9 feet tall.

"I should be super rich. I should be in Hollywood. Kid Rock! Where have I gone wrong?!" Mark Lloyd threw his magnets to the floor, and the sound echoed through the empty room. All he had ever wanted was to be a veterinarian. But that dream was dashed. He'd become sidetracked. Now he had to settle for second-best. Changing the world forever with magnets.

"I just want to be with someone kinky. That makes me feel horny as hell. That makes me laugh out loud! I am well on my way to becoming a sex servant for them... but drat these infernal magnets!"

Mark Lloyd stared at nothing. He imagined driving down the highway in his Silverado, blasting Kid Rock. Closing his eyes, he put his earbuds in. "Sheryl... Kid... take me home."

----------------

# ? Nov 19, 2017 22:52

HotSoapyBeard: I'm a really cool nice dad
HAIKOOLIGAN

I just looked up what Silverado duramax and mag wheels are, looks pretty cool I�m not going to lie.

# ? Nov 20, 2017 00:25

alnilam

HotSoapyBeard posted:

I just looked up what Silverado duramax and mag wheels are, looks pretty cool I’m not going to lie.

looks like mark lloyd is well on his way to becoming a sex servant for you

# ? Nov 20, 2017 00:54

sockingtonsworth

I wish mark Lloyd was well on his way to becoming a sex servant for me

# ? Nov 20, 2017 01:14

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 20, 2024 00:47

drilldo squirt: a beautiful, soft meat sack

If Mark Lloid is everyone's sex servant then that gives us one thing in common, it binds together all of mankind into a single people as Mark Lloid's sexual master.

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# ? Nov 20, 2017 02:07

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