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peter gabriel
Nov 8, 2011

Hello Commandos
Is there anything funnier than CIG being sued by CryTek for not fixing bugs in a timely manner?
Yes - CIG ran a series of videos called Bugsmashers throughout the entire time period in question :v:

Catte:

peter gabriel fucked around with this message at 21:59 on Dec 16, 2017

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D_Smart
May 11, 2010

by FactsAreUseless
College Slice

:same:

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

Chalks
Sep 30, 2009

SoftNum posted:

What is supposed to be new about this clip? Engines have been doing everything I see there for at least 5 years, even the fiddly bits. idgi?

CIG made a big fuss about their ground breaking hologram technology where they could create holograms of other game characters, claiming it had never been done before. As you can see from that footage, all they've really done is put a lovely hologram shader over the top half of a character model and clipped it half way through a table. Unfortunately they also failed to make it stop casting shadows so you see a full shadow of the entire model the whole time.

Thoatse
Feb 29, 2016

Lol said the scorpion, lmao
Once they do the big Mark Hammil/sq42 deal and rags pick it up I'm pretty sure most articles that cover it will also touch on the underlying drama except maybe Pixel Lemonade and PC Gamer

Thoatse
Feb 29, 2016

Lol said the scorpion, lmao

reverend crabhands
Feb 3, 2016

Hopefully Chris will write another 10 page diatribe on how this is all Derek Smart's fault and how Crytek is actually Gamergate like he did when we had the Escapist article.

Foo Diddley
Oct 29, 2011

cat

peter gabriel posted:

Is there anything funnier than CIG being sued by CryTek for not fixing bugs in a timely manner?
Yes - CIG ran a series of videos called Bugsmashers throughout the entire time period in question :v:

I hope that a big part of the court proceedings is just video montages of Chris and friends admitting on camera that they've breached the contract

D_Smart
May 11, 2010

by FactsAreUseless
College Slice

Toops posted:

It's multiple layers of disingenuous fidelity:

1. Not allowed to switch engines
2. Tried to switch engines anyway
3. Failed to switch engines
4. Made public statements that they successfully switched engines
5. Repeatedly discussed their breach of contract in public forum
6. Their entire defense against a public breach of contract proves they breached their contract

I mean, that's literally all the possible ways you can gently caress this situation up. CIG really is doing something nobody has done before. They've skunked themselves. 0 for the 'verse.

You are aware that this guy is in-house counsel and co-creator, right? 'nuff said.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9mhyO26bVVw

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

peter gabriel
Nov 8, 2011

Hello Commandos

reverend crabhands posted:

Hopefully Chris will write another 10 page diatribe on how this is all Derek Smart's fault and how Crytek is actually Gamergate like he did when we had the Escapist article.

Word has it this one only took him a few seconds to write

D_Smart
May 11, 2010

by FactsAreUseless
College Slice

kw0134 posted:

I think this case is truly sui generis. Leaving aside questions of copyright, on the contractual claims I don't think I've ever seen such blatant acts that gird the plaintiff's complaints so publicly. It takes major incompetence to cop to a material claim on the complaint in your first response to the media about the suit.

Every insider should have seen this suit coming. These aren't obscure clauses like the infamous "bowl of M&Ms without any brown ones," these would go to the very heart of why there's a commercial relationship between the two parties. And at least on the allegations, everyone's seen that CIG has very loudly advertised what in retrospect is rather damning evidence. We're not testing the limits of IP law or needing to go on fishing expeditions through the parties' paper trail, Crytek is alleging that anyone with a pair of eyes would be seeing enormous breaches of the contract, things that are still happening to this day with the latest release of Bugsmashers.

CIG, given some rope, crafted an elaborate noose with flashing LED lights and a pyre to burn the entire gallows in a fantastic display of light and sound. It's legal self immolation on a ridiculous level.

Because Ortwin is a genius and world famous IP attorney who has written BOOKS. You know, just like ALL the other attorneys who have written books, thrown in jail, disbarred etc.

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

Scruffpuff
Dec 23, 2015

Fidelity. Wait, was I'm working on again?

Chalks posted:

CIG made a big fuss about their ground breaking hologram technology where they could create holograms of other game characters, claiming it had never been done before. As you can see from that footage, all they've really done is put a lovely hologram shader over the top half of a character model and clipped it half way through a table. Unfortunately they also failed to make it stop casting shadows so you see a full shadow of the entire model the whole time.

This it the thing about Chris, and CIG, that just blows me away every time. He literally reinvents the wheel every goddamed time. "Well our first "rotational transport facilitator" was a triangle, but it was kinda bumpy, but we iterated on the design and now we're on "rotational transport facilitator 2.0" which is an octagon. We've learned that the more sides it has, the smoother the sides, and less disruptive the "roll". Thanks for staying patient with us as we are developing technologies that have never been seen before."

AP
Jul 12, 2004

One Ring to fool them all
One Ring to find them
One Ring to milk them all
and pockets fully line them
Grimey Drawer

D_Smart posted:

:laffo:

which mag is that?

Latest Jumppoint.

D_Smart
May 11, 2010

by FactsAreUseless
College Slice

:laffo:

...and we TRIED to tell them.

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

Daztek
Jun 2, 2006



Loxbourne posted:

In his hour of triumph, I'd like to devote an effortpost to Derek Smart himself. A dangerous past-time, perhaps, but an important question to ask. I'm here for the laughs like most of the thread but I also want to see CIG pulled apart and picked over. I want to read Coutts' debtor reports, see the forensic accountants go over the books, get as many backers out as are willing to be saved. Taking CIG apart properly means doing ballistic analysis of the huge great burning trail blasted through it by one man.

So who IS that masked warlord? More to the point, why did one guy with a twitter account end up a furious lightning-rod for the hatred of hundreds of backers, single-handedly attracting the ire of a massive community that should (and once did) have had more than enough to amuse itself with throughout Star Citizen's development.

It's been pointed out, more than once, that there wouldn't be a cult without Derek. That the existence of an active hate figure to strive against was what was needed to push a mildly toxic fandom into a full-blown horror where people compete to throw all their worldly goods as fast as possible into the gaping maw of CIG. I don't actually agree with this sentiment. For one thing the fandom was toxic from the start, but I think even without Derek we'd still see a cult of some form. The cult is a side-effect of CIG's marketing techniques. They needed to milk their whales, to find people who will spend large sums of money and keep spending those sums without complaint as the game gets delayed again and again. That's not to say Derek hasn't left a massive mark on Star Citizen, of course. But he stepped into a role that was ready and waiting. If Derek did not exist it would have been necessary for the Citizens to create him.

I'm going to adopt some terminology here because it's crucial we (as obviously disinterested goons of Science :v:) keep two concepts separate. One of them is Derek Smart, human being with a twitter account. The other is THE SMART. Great Beast Who Is Called Warlord. Avatar of Big Publishing. The terrible being with eyes of fire and tongues of flame who rose from Internet Hell to destroy Dreams, who travels in a shrieking cloud of circling bats accompanied by the wails of the goons and dramatic choirs chanting in Latin.

That entity doesn't exist anywhere outside the Citizens' collective nightmares (and this thread's half-serious injokes), but it was already there long before Derek typed his first blog. He just put a name and a face to it. THE SMART is, of course, the personification of backer nervousness. Their fear the game genuinely is impossible to make, that Chris is overpromising, that the funding won't hold up. The entirely rational fears it is quite normal to hold even if one has plenty of faith in the project. It might not work out, and if it doesn't...well, there goes their dream and their money too. A lot of their money. Life-changing, farm-mortgaging, marriage-ending amounts.

I'd bet that same money that the first thing many citizens said to themselves when Derek first crossed their radar was "Of course...". Of course there would be an Anti-Crobbler. Of course someone would rise to fight the glorious promise of Star Citizen. Of course there would be someone that evil, that diabolical, that beholden to dark powers, to try and take away their Dreams. He fits the worldview of a frustrated, aging nerd all too well. The reason I don't have nice things is because The Man keeps me down, and here he is right now tryin' to stop this Glorious Thing.

The real dark whisper of THE SMART (choirs) is that Star Citizen is never coming out. Your money has bought you nothing except a terrible tech demo and Chris's instagram gallery. You're not Han Solo, Captain Kirk, OR Mal Reynolds, you're still whoever you were before you bought your first ship.

That's bad. For some citizens - the saddest ones, the ones most in need of help - that's terrible. Hateful. Evil. It's also tremendously painful.

But it's also an entirely natural thing to think, just with basic human critical faculties. The ones CIG and one's fellow cultists spend so much time and energy suppressing. Cultists aren't (all) dumb, they're just caught in a system designed to switch their critical thinking off.

So THE SMART (choirs)'s real purpose, his real utility in the minds of Citizens, is as something to sublimate their misgivings onto. When CIG rides high, the Citizens are dismissive. When CIG hits trouble, they go fight Derek. When the crazier backers disappear from the fandom during a marketing fuckup, some of them go off and spout hate at Derek for a bit thinking that this would drive back THE SMART and make Star Citizen good again. I've talked about how Elite and Line of Defence are where the citizens project problems with the game; Derek is where they put their problems with themselves. A classic scapegoat. When a Citizen triumphs against Derek, he triumphs against the part of his brain that is saying "hold on, why are we spending so much cash here?"

Now, the man behind the mask didn't have to be Derek Smart. It was well on the way to being Beer4thebeergod for a while. The role would have fit any charismatic backer who pulled out early or any outsider who spoke out too loudly. David Braben would have fit (he's basically the current understudy). If nobody stepped forward to take the role, sooner or later it would have been Big Publishing or someone like Bobby Kotick. The cult would be much the same externally, spite pledges and all.

Derek proved an excellent candidate for the mantle. It requires a certain level of independence and thick skin just to sustain the requirements of the post. Someone with a day job would be at risk from being harassed so hard they actually stopped warlording (witness the Escapist and their poor journalist who was just too early). Derek has time and an independent income and a very thick skin indeed; he's pretty much immune to any weapon in the backer arsenal and that makes him a perfect Dark Lord.

Derek also knows his lines. He can sneer, he can mock, he fits the role of playground bully and he can be baited. He spouts heresies (leaks! ex-CIG employees saying nasty things!), he attracts followers (goons!), he plays the role of a cartoon villain excellently. Citizens naturally want to fight him to exorcise the cognitive dissonance, and as it happens Derek's up for the fight. The key is to remember that the Citizens already wanted someone to fight. They wanted to go find someone to dump their fears onto and vent their anger at. Derek was in the right place at the wrong time.

He doesn't fight fair though. He doesn't meet them on the field at dawn wearing black armour and carrying a sword of crying souls, then battle them for a day and night under a burning sky. Or at least he doesn't stop tweeting when a Citizen sends him what all his fellow Citizens assure him are SICK OWNS. The Citizenry resent that (then tell themselves that it's just proof of his treachery). The SMART role (choirs) includes striving to defeat CIG and all their works - but it doesn't include actually undermining CIG and their works or making the citizens ask themselves awkward existential questions. That's when they really, really loathe him.

And so Derek Smart the person is given an absurd level of power by citizens, elevated into a dark figure whose very existence harms Star Citizen...while at the same time, that harm is used to explain why Star Citizen isn't living up to their dreams yet. The Man, keeping them down. Remember, the key to the spite pledge is that proving THE SMART (choirs) wrong makes Star Citizen itself better. Because it makes the voices in the individual backers' heads shut up.

Of course THE SMART cannot be truly defeated until the Great Day of Release when Chris descends from Heaven etc etc - which is to say, it would come on the day Chris finally disproves the backers' misgivings by releasing the game - but surely He should have been forced into retreat by the same arguments the citizens use to reassure each other. That apocalyptic rhetoric was telling.

Now the game is facing an actual apocalypse we're not seeing any of this cartoon stuff anymore . We're seeing resentment and rage and threats of Internet Violence. Attempts to claim power over the situation with weird legal terminology and "affidavits". In other words, the standard reactions of obsessed, angry nerds when their worldview starts to falter. This is no longer a situation THE SMART (choirs) can help backers mentally come to terms with. It'll be interesting to see if they try to build a new one to encompass Skadden and Crytek.

If Derek really wanted the Citizens to love him forever, all he needs to do is don spiky black armour, wear a skull mask, then ride into CIG HQ by shattering the Space Door and carry off Sandi on a dark steed with glowing eyes. Citizens would pledge their entire worldly goods on the spot to form a Space Posse to go after him. If he then finished the storyline in their heads and shook his fist in defiance from the bridge of an exploding skull-faced Vanduul supercarrier (no doubt begging his dark EA masters for mercy as the ship burned around him), then he'd claim a world record for the most human beings simultaneously brought to orgasm in a 24-hour period and could single-handedly fund Star Citizen's development until 2025. Choirs.

Annoyingly however the Derek Smart who actually exists doesn't live in that world. He is a flawed Internet Satan. He lives over in reality, where the average citizen is that 43-year-old wages clerk in Idaho. He may be a single-minded old cuss who sustains himself on the rage of others (and he appears to be just fine with that), but his greatest sin is not playing along. Not actually being a proper scapegoat. Derek might actually win, and that's not in the Great Book of Crobblers at all.

Good post

http://i.imgur.com/xGzdoSx.gifv

Peroxide Cowboy
Nov 30, 2013

D_Smart posted:

You are aware that this guy is in-house counsel and co-creator, right? 'nuff said.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9mhyO26bVVw

Smoked salmon with caviar.

Dusty Lens
Jul 1, 2015

All Glory unto the Stimpire. Give up your arms and legs and embrace the beautiful agony of electricity that doubles in pain every second.

peter gabriel posted:

Is there anything funnier than CIG being sued by CryTek for not fixing bugs in a timely manner?
Yes - CIG ran a series of videos called Bugsmashers throughout the entire time period in question :v:

Catte:

Is there anything funnier than CIG being sued by CryTek for not fixing bugs in a timely manner when CIG ran a series of videos called Bugsmashers throughout the entire time period in question?
Yes - CIG being sued for running Bugsmashers and violating the terms prohibiting revealing Crytek code.

peter gabriel
Nov 8, 2011

Hello Commandos

Dusty Lens posted:

Is there anything funnier than CIG being sued by CryTek for not fixing bugs in a timely manner when CIG ran a series of videos called Bugsmashers throughout the entire time period in question?
Yes - CIG being sued for running Bugsmashers and violating the terms prohibiting revealing Crytek code.

Hell yeah, Bugsmasher screenshots have so many smoking guns in them lol

:saddowns: but we are not using Cryengine!!!!



:ohdear:

Spiderdrake
May 12, 2001



Peroxide Cowboy posted:

Smoked salmon with caviar.
Why the gently caress would you put that guy on camera?

I mean I know it's raging incompetence but seriously, the whole point of showing your dev team is to show human beings passionate about the project they themselves are invested in.

That satisfies none of those criteria.

Zzr
Oct 6, 2016

A Neurotic Corncob posted:

has MoMA figured out his talking points yet

If Ortwin is out, ManofManyAliases/Toast could have to plead in favor of CIG. I hope I'll can see the court when Kevin James Minnick introduce his expert, Dr. Derek Smart, internet warlord, and ManofManyAliases/Toast has to interrogate him.

Zzr
Oct 6, 2016

Dusty Lens posted:

I've got this feeling that before the curtain falls Derek's going to get Smarted by his own hand trying to insert himself into these court proceedings in some profoundly ill advised way.

Alas the archive shall be for naught.

His blog will survive him.

mdxi
Mar 13, 2006

to JERK OFF is to be close to GOD... only with SPURTING

Enchanted Hat posted:

There lived a certain man in England long ago
He was stout and bald and his nose was full of blow
Most people looked at him and thought he was a fool
But to space game nerds, he was clever, he was cool
He could code all night with golden fingers
Hallowed be his holy name
And the nerds they thought he'd be the bringer
Of a perfect game

Ro- Ro- Roberts, he
Scammer like you've never seen
There was a dev that really was gone
Ro- Ro- Roberts, he
Britain's greatest coke machine
He crobbled millions in a great con

He ruled the studios just like a Russian tsar
And he shot mocap, it was really wunderbar
Decisions lay with him, he couldn't trust his staff
And fidelity, it became his golden calf
For the nerds he was no wheeler dealer
Though he never made a game
He would be the genre's holy healer
Fill the goons with shame

Ro- Ro- Roberts, he
Scammer like you've never seen
There was a dev that really was gone
Ro- Ro- Roberts, he
Britain's greatest coke machine
He crobbled millions in a great con

But when his lying and hustling and his hunger for money became known to more and more people
The demands to do something about this outrageous fraud became louder and louder.

This man's just got to go, declared the Crytek team
Now their lawsuit would put an end to Roberts' dream
The backers and the shills, their hearts filled up with fear
But the salty asshats let out a rousing cheer
Then one night a team of high-priced lawyers
Served him Crytek's legal claim
Skadden would now be the game's destroyers
(Goons were still to blame)

Ro- Ro- Roberts, he
Scammer like you've never seen
They raised a suit, said "your rear end is mine!"
Ro- Ro- Roberts, he
Britain's greatest coke machine
He laughed it off and said "we'll be fine"

Ro- Ro- Roberts, he
Scammer like you've never seen
They didn't quit, they wanted his head
Ro- Ro- Roberts, he
Britain's greatest coke machine
And so they sued CIG 'til it was dead


Oh, those lawyers...

This deserves more love. I'd like to see Turisas cover this version.

Loxbourne
Apr 6, 2011

Tomorrow, doom!
But now, tea.

Peroxide Cowboy posted:

Smoked salmon with caviar.

Both traditionally eaten with Toast.

Foo Diddley
Oct 29, 2011

cat

peter gabriel posted:

Hell yeah, Bugsmasher screenshots have so many smoking guns in them lol

:saddowns: but we are not using Cryengine!!!!



:ohdear:

Well all they have to do is take those videos down, it's so simple

What do you mean Skadden already saved a copy?

mdxi
Mar 13, 2006

to JERK OFF is to be close to GOD... only with SPURTING


Say what you will about Disco, at least he doesn't look like a scoop of mashed potatoes that never takes off its stupid loving backward baseball cap.

G0RF
Mar 19, 2015

Some galactic defender you are, Space Cadet.

:five::five::five:

Oh hell what a sight! Erris — just sitting there like a child in his Star Wars jammies and being told “Santa Claus is a lie - you think a fat guy is really sliding down billions of chimneys in a single night, delivering gifts to good little boys and girls? Really kid?”

Watching him try to handwave IP rights away as utterly inconsequential because IT’S THE PEOPLE WHO COME UP WITH THE IDEAS WHO REALLY MATTER is like a flustered child pushing back with, “... Santa has a magic sleigh that’s REALLY FAST and LITTLE ELVES that work for him and when he can’t fit down a chimney he sends them down or uses some other CHRISTMAS MAGIC to make it happen! You gotta believe!”

Here’s a 90 second summary of the world we actually live in, Erris.

Erris, you’re a grown man. Take off your Star Wars jammies and join us in the grown-up world. You’ve put it off long enough, man, it’s time. You can be an adult and still have childlike wonder, man — the world is full of moments of beauty, truth and goodness that can make even a cynic tear-up at the sight. But Star Citizen can not and will not be the machine that delivers them to you. You cling desperately to the promises of a man you know to be dishonest — brazenly deceitful yet you take consolation in the hope that he’s only delusional. But you know what kind of lunatic puts his trust in delusional men? A delusional man.

”Search your feelings, Erris... you know this be true.”

AP
Jul 12, 2004

One Ring to fool them all
One Ring to find them
One Ring to milk them all
and pockets fully line them
Grimey Drawer
https://www.twitch.tv/videos/210115386?t=19m44s

:gary:

Nebakenezzer
Sep 13, 2005

The Mote in God's Eye

Foo Diddley posted:

Except Ortwin's the frog and at the end of the folk tale he's like "dude you knew I couldn't swim"

But then the Scorpion just kills the frog on the shore

Or is this the frog swimming across on the Scorpion's back, and then the Scorpian stings the frog halfway across and says "lol you can't swim either - you are turbofucked - you're gonna drown and you ARE A FROG"

This metaphor needs some work, but give us $50 million and it'll be the last metaphor you will ever need

intardnation posted:

maybe sandi can finally be the center of attention and the star of the show like she always wanted.

She's going to get this when Croberts is jailed/runs away to Bermuda with the hidden monies and she's left holding the bag

peter gabriel
Nov 8, 2011

Hello Commandos

Nebakenezzer posted:


She's going to get this when Croberts is jailed/runs away to Bermuda with the hidden monies and she's left holding the bag

As long as it's a designer bag she'll be happy

Ayn Marx
Dec 21, 2012

A Neurotic Corncob posted:

has MoMA figured out his talking points yet

Peroxide Cowboy
Nov 30, 2013

Loxbourne posted:

Both traditionally eaten with Toast.

This made me legit laugh out loud. <3

MedicineHut
Feb 25, 2016

I would like, for no particular reason, to go down memory lane and ponder about the depth promised by Chris Roberts for Star Citizen:

https://robertsspaceindustries.com/comm-link/transmission/14926-Design-Notes-Electronic-Warfare

And then stand in awe at the progress achieved.

MedicineHut fucked around with this message at 22:30 on Dec 16, 2017

D_Smart
May 11, 2010

by FactsAreUseless
College Slice

Loxbourne posted:

In his hour of triumph, I'd like to devote an effortpost to Derek Smart himself. A dangerous past-time, perhaps, but an important question to ask. I'm here for the laughs like most of the thread but I also want to see CIG pulled apart and picked over. I want to read Coutts' debtor reports, see the forensic accountants go over the books, get as many backers out as are willing to be saved. Taking CIG apart properly means doing ballistic analysis of the huge great burning trail blasted through it by one man.

So who IS that masked warlord? More to the point, why did one guy with a twitter account end up a furious lightning-rod for the hatred of hundreds of backers, single-handedly attracting the ire of a massive community that should (and once did) have had more than enough to amuse itself with throughout Star Citizen's development.

It's been pointed out, more than once, that there wouldn't be a cult without Derek. That the existence of an active hate figure to strive against was what was needed to push a mildly toxic fandom into a full-blown horror where people compete to throw all their worldly goods as fast as possible into the gaping maw of CIG. I don't actually agree with this sentiment. For one thing the fandom was toxic from the start, but I think even without Derek we'd still see a cult of some form. The cult is a side-effect of CIG's marketing techniques. They needed to milk their whales, to find people who will spend large sums of money and keep spending those sums without complaint as the game gets delayed again and again. That's not to say Derek hasn't left a massive mark on Star Citizen, of course. But he stepped into a role that was ready and waiting. If Derek did not exist it would have been necessary for the Citizens to create him.

I'm going to adopt some terminology here because it's crucial we (as obviously disinterested goons of Science :v:) keep two concepts separate. One of them is Derek Smart, human being with a twitter account. The other is THE SMART. Great Beast Who Is Called Warlord. Avatar of Big Publishing. The terrible being with eyes of fire and tongues of flame who rose from Internet Hell to destroy Dreams, who travels in a shrieking cloud of circling bats accompanied by the wails of the goons and dramatic choirs chanting in Latin.

That entity doesn't exist anywhere outside the Citizens' collective nightmares (and this thread's half-serious injokes), but it was already there long before Derek typed his first blog. He just put a name and a face to it. THE SMART is, of course, the personification of backer nervousness. Their fear the game genuinely is impossible to make, that Chris is overpromising, that the funding won't hold up. The entirely rational fears it is quite normal to hold even if one has plenty of faith in the project. It might not work out, and if it doesn't...well, there goes their dream and their money too. A lot of their money. Life-changing, farm-mortgaging, marriage-ending amounts.

I'd bet that same money that the first thing many citizens said to themselves when Derek first crossed their radar was "Of course...". Of course there would be an Anti-Crobbler. Of course someone would rise to fight the glorious promise of Star Citizen. Of course there would be someone that evil, that diabolical, that beholden to dark powers, to try and take away their Dreams. He fits the worldview of a frustrated, aging nerd all too well. The reason I don't have nice things is because The Man keeps me down, and here he is right now tryin' to stop this Glorious Thing.

The real dark whisper of THE SMART (choirs) is that Star Citizen is never coming out. Your money has bought you nothing except a terrible tech demo and Chris's instagram gallery. You're not Han Solo, Captain Kirk, OR Mal Reynolds, you're still whoever you were before you bought your first ship.

That's bad. For some citizens - the saddest ones, the ones most in need of help - that's terrible. Hateful. Evil. It's also tremendously painful.

But it's also an entirely natural thing to think, just with basic human critical faculties. The ones CIG and one's fellow cultists spend so much time and energy suppressing. Cultists aren't (all) dumb, they're just caught in a system designed to switch their critical thinking off.

So THE SMART (choirs)'s real purpose, his real utility in the minds of Citizens, is as something to sublimate their misgivings onto. When CIG rides high, the Citizens are dismissive. When CIG hits trouble, they go fight Derek. When the crazier backers disappear from the fandom during a marketing fuckup, some of them go off and spout hate at Derek for a bit thinking that this would drive back THE SMART and make Star Citizen good again. I've talked about how Elite and Line of Defence are where the citizens project problems with the game; Derek is where they put their problems with themselves. A classic scapegoat. When a Citizen triumphs against Derek, he triumphs against the part of his brain that is saying "hold on, why are we spending so much cash here?"

Now, the man behind the mask didn't have to be Derek Smart. It was well on the way to being Beer4thebeergod for a while. The role would have fit any charismatic backer who pulled out early or any outsider who spoke out too loudly. David Braben would have fit (he's basically the current understudy). If nobody stepped forward to take the role, sooner or later it would have been Big Publishing or someone like Bobby Kotick. The cult would be much the same externally, spite pledges and all.

Derek proved an excellent candidate for the mantle. It requires a certain level of independence and thick skin just to sustain the requirements of the post. Someone with a day job would be at risk from being harassed so hard they actually stopped warlording (witness the Escapist and their poor journalist who was just too early). Derek has time and an independent income and a very thick skin indeed; he's pretty much immune to any weapon in the backer arsenal and that makes him a perfect Dark Lord.

Derek also knows his lines. He can sneer, he can mock, he fits the role of playground bully and he can be baited. He spouts heresies (leaks! ex-CIG employees saying nasty things!), he attracts followers (goons!), he plays the role of a cartoon villain excellently. Citizens naturally want to fight him to exorcise the cognitive dissonance, and as it happens Derek's up for the fight. The key is to remember that the Citizens already wanted someone to fight. They wanted to go find someone to dump their fears onto and vent their anger at. Derek was in the right place at the wrong time.

He doesn't fight fair though. He doesn't meet them on the field at dawn wearing black armour and carrying a sword of crying souls, then battle them for a day and night under a burning sky. Or at least he doesn't stop tweeting when a Citizen sends him what all his fellow Citizens assure him are SICK OWNS. The Citizenry resent that (then tell themselves that it's just proof of his treachery). The SMART role (choirs) includes striving to defeat CIG and all their works - but it doesn't include actually undermining CIG and their works or making the citizens ask themselves awkward existential questions. That's when they really, really loathe him.

And so Derek Smart the person is given an absurd level of power by citizens, elevated into a dark figure whose very existence harms Star Citizen...while at the same time, that harm is used to explain why Star Citizen isn't living up to their dreams yet. The Man, keeping them down. Remember, the key to the spite pledge is that proving THE SMART (choirs) wrong makes Star Citizen itself better. Because it makes the voices in the individual backers' heads shut up.

Of course THE SMART cannot be truly defeated until the Great Day of Release when Chris descends from Heaven etc etc - which is to say, it would come on the day Chris finally disproves the backers' misgivings by releasing the game - but surely He should have been forced into retreat by the same arguments the citizens use to reassure each other. That apocalyptic rhetoric was telling.

Now the game is facing an actual apocalypse we're not seeing any of this cartoon stuff anymore . We're seeing resentment and rage and threats of Internet Violence. Attempts to claim power over the situation with weird legal terminology and "affidavits". In other words, the standard reactions of obsessed, angry nerds when their worldview starts to falter. This is no longer a situation THE SMART (choirs) can help backers mentally come to terms with. It'll be interesting to see if they try to build a new one to encompass Skadden and Crytek.

If Derek really wanted the Citizens to love him forever, all he needs to do is don spiky black armour, wear a skull mask, then ride into CIG HQ by shattering the Space Door and carry off Sandi on a dark steed with glowing eyes. Citizens would pledge their entire worldly goods on the spot to form a Space Posse to go after him. If he then finished the storyline in their heads and shook his fist in defiance from the bridge of an exploding skull-faced Vanduul supercarrier (no doubt begging his dark EA masters for mercy as the ship burned around him), then he'd claim a world record for the most human beings simultaneously brought to orgasm in a 24-hour period and could single-handedly fund Star Citizen's development until 2025. Choirs.

Annoyingly however the Derek Smart who actually exists doesn't live in that world. He is a flawed Internet Satan. He lives over in reality, where the average citizen is that 43-year-old wages clerk in Idaho. He may be a single-minded old cuss who sustains himself on the rage of others (and he appears to be just fine with that), but his greatest sin is not playing along. Not actually being a proper scapegoat. Derek might actually win, and that's not in the Great Book of Crobblers at all.

:bravo:
:five::five::five::five:

This was so good, I read this three times. The third time, I could hear Morgan Freeman's voice reading it to me, as I try not to drown it out with hysterical fits of laughter.

loving hell man, I've gotta put this (and one of Gorf's classics which I have saved in Evernote) in my book I think.

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

Zzr
Oct 6, 2016

G0RF posted:

”Search your feelings, Erris... you know this be true.”

Feeling leads to brain, brain leads to brainstorm, brainstorm leads to refund.

Beet Wagon
Oct 19, 2015






I can't wait for Bootcha's all-goon version of "You're Welcome" when all this poo poo comes crashing down

Lladre
Jun 28, 2011


Soiled Meat

peter gabriel posted:

Hell yeah, Bugsmasher screenshots have so many smoking guns in them lol

:saddowns: but we are not using Cryengine!!!!



:ohdear:

Dude, it says right there it is being used under license.
Easy peasy nice and easy.

Dusty Lens
Jul 1, 2015

All Glory unto the Stimpire. Give up your arms and legs and embrace the beautiful agony of electricity that doubles in pain every second.

Star Citizen is good for people who really like The Scorpion and the Frog but wish there was a version that covered seven years.

G0RF
Mar 19, 2015

Some galactic defender you are, Space Cadet.

Zzr posted:

Feeling leads to brain, brain leads to brainstorm, brainstorm leads to refund.

This ends with Erris in a crisis of existential despair, with everything he’d formerly believed destroyed in a moment, whispering, pleading, “Ben... why didn’t you tell me?”

D_Smart
May 11, 2010

by FactsAreUseless
College Slice

peter gabriel posted:

Word has it this one only took him a few seconds to write



:laffo::laffo::laffo:

I'm dying here. OMG! that's hilarious.

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

AlbieQuirky
Oct 9, 2012

Just me and my 🌊dragon🐉 hanging out

Dusty Lens posted:

Is there anything funnier than CIG being sued by CryTek for not fixing bugs in a timely manner when CIG ran a series of videos called Bugsmashers throughout the entire time period in question?
Yes - CIG being sued for running Bugsmashers and violating the terms prohibiting revealing Crytek code.

The Gang That Couldn't Scam Straight

Also, Derek's audiobook should be read by Phil LaMarr.

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Trilobite
Aug 15, 2001

tooterfish posted:

You think Chris gives enough of a poo poo about a videogame to make a "so long" video?

Yeah, that's never going to happen. A farewell message to their customers is way too close to an admission of failure and guilt, and if Chris is nursing dreams that he can always make yet another comeback (which of COURSE he is), the idea won't even occur to him.

What I'm hoping is that at some point he gets asked about what happened by a journalist he mistakes as friendly, and just vents about how this was EVERYONE ELSE'S FAULT and how no one understands how HARD it is to make a game, etc., etc., in a full-tilt stream-of-consciousness rant that fully demonstrates what kind of manager, game developer, and visionary he really is. You know, something we can all enjoy.

Trilobite fucked around with this message at 22:41 on Dec 16, 2017

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