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Oh, *that* moment. Ahahaha...ha. Ha
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Dec 18, 2017 22:12
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| # ? Apr 19, 2024 21:10 |
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As blatantly old-school racist and sexist at lot of Hulkamania-era WWF is, it really doesn't compare to Russo-and-Ferrara-Attitude WWF in my opinion. ...And then stuff post-Russo that may be even WORSE (HLA, Kiss My rear end club, Katie Vick, DX raping a coed). At least Akeem was actually funny and intentionally done as a rib to Dusty, not towards all black people in general. It wasn't done with malice and the actual INTENT to be as offensive and disgusting as possible.
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Dec 18, 2017 22:18
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Plus it led to Arsenio Hall desperately trying to keep a straight face and failing while Slick explained Akeem's origin to him
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Dec 18, 2017 22:24
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Shiki Dan posted:DX raping a coed  what the gently caress. I knew about Katie Vick, but that...what
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Dec 20, 2017 02:09
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*1999 Spoilers* https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7Q6kO1SbMI Later it was revealed that it wasn't actually Stephanie, but some random coed I guess they were raping instead. And this segment is actually just AFTER Russo and Ferrara left, I believe. Shiki Dan fucked around with this message at 02:49 on Dec 20, 2017 |
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Dec 20, 2017 02:42
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The next wrestler to join the action is my random pick from last year, #22 Rick Martel. And I've got to say when I compare Martel here to his appearance in the Rumble last year his character has undergone such a transition over these last twelve months. And the best part is it's not been an Akeem situation either, it's been slow and realistic. This is actual character development here and it makes the rest of roster look so static in comparison. There's still enough time to make my teeth grind that little bit more as Haku lifts Smash over the top rope to the apron and then hits the Reverse Thrust Kick to knock him out. I still don't want this! Anvil comes really close to eliminating Martel, which the crowd goes nuts over. It's great to see how consistent Martel is at getting crowds to hate him, he's always one of the most over heels on the show. #23 Tito Santana follows his old tag partner right behind and is the Strike Force feud still going? It sure seems like it!  Avert your eyes, J-Ru! Don't relive the pain! With DiBiase's tenure in the match now ticking past the forty minute mark Schiavone and Jesse sound a lot more legit when putting over his resilience. It looks like Warrior is going to do a Warlord on #24 The Honky Tonk Man as he enters the ring but DiBiase jumps in and saves him. Instead Warrior pushes Anvil out to little fanfare and then clotheslines DiBiase over the top rope, marking the end of his marathon stint. The crowd gives this the biggest pop of the night but Warrior's clothesline really could have used a bit more oomph. It was all rather lackadaisical. There's another big pop for #25 Hulk Hogan, who knocks Snuka out as soon as he arrives with a pathetical clothesline. We're talking Randy Orton levels of impact here. Hulk's on a roll though and he takes Haku out as well with a big boot. Meanwhile, Tito and Martel are spending their whole time avoiding everyone else as they brawl around the ring together. Try not to think about it, J-Ru! We'll always have the memories! Tito tries to toss Martel but Warrior pushes them both over and Martel lands on the apron while Tito winds up on the mat. Ahahahaha, totally rekt. While Honky is choking Hulk out with his own shirt the clock ticks down once more and this means we're reaching my chosen pick. Who's it gonna be? Three, two, one, it's... IT'S MAH BOY #26 SHAWN MICHAELS!!! Yes, yes, come on Shawn! I don't care about your weird bushy eyebrows any more, you've got this! Hulk breaks free of Honky and throws him out as Shawn runs to the ring. He comes in, he's fired up, he's raring to go, he's... been eliminated by Warrior. Well, boo that. As if to compound my misery Warrior goes and tosses out Martel as well. Double boo. Oh wait just a frickin' second, you know what this means?  RAAAAAAARGHHHH!!! That's right, if you've been counting along at home then you know that this leaves us with just Hulk and Warrior in the ring. There's massive cheers as the WWF's two biggest faces stare off with each other. They break into a criss cross that results in a double clothesline that leaves both men down. And that's as much of a tease as we're getting tonight because #27 The Barbarian comes out and beats on both guys before they get a chance to recover. And then about thirty seconds later way before the countdown has even showed up #28 Rick Rude slides into the ring. Welp, someone in the back sure screwed up. Despite coming in early Rude starts out strong with a dropkick on Warrior. Mah boy! Rude and Barbarian try to tip Hulk over but Warrior makes the save. They fight him off and then try to tip him over. They get him onto the top rope and then Hulk runs up behind to give them a knock which sends Warrior flying down to the outside. Ooooooh, that could cause some conflict. We can't let Warrior leave without getting some heat back though so he slides back in and beats on Rude and Barbarian a little before he leaves. For the second year in a row the penultimate man is #29 Fat Herc'. Schiavone says that at this point in the match “it's Gut Check time”. Quick, somebody send for Sam Shaw! #30 Curt Hennig rounds out the field and we are down to the final five. Fat Herc' dodges a big boot from Barbarian that hits Rude instead and then he dumps Barbarian out. Moments later, he eats a dropkick from Hennig and Rude follows up with a clothesline over the ropes to bring us down to three.   This is Rude's weakest buttgame yet and that makes me sad So here we are with our final trio of Hulk, Rude and Hennig. Good to see two of my faves are about to be jobbing to the Hulkster. They team up on Hulk but then Rude knocks Hennig through the ropes by mistake and Hulk whips Rude in just as Hennig is pulling on the ropes to send Rude falling to the outside. This leaves us with Hennig and Hulk going one on one and that is an absolutely bizarre sight. Hulk spends so much time isolated from the undercard that this is somewhat of a mindfuck. Hennig beats up on Hulk and he hits the Perfectplex so of course Hulk takes this protected move from the guy who's undefeated and he COMPLETELY loving NO-SELLS IT. No, gently caress you, you giant loving rear end in a top hat. gently caress sake. Hulk slingshots Hennig into the ringpost and then pushes him out to win the match. Ughhhhhh. Godammit, I'm so tired of this. How many more of my favourites is Hulk going to completely bury before he leaves for WCW? gently caress, I've got another five years of this bullshit. The night draws to a close with the standard extended Hulk celebration. Why did I ever expect anything else? MOST INCORRECT PREDICTION  I feel like this is a threat  Thank god not even steroids can beat the ageing process Overall I've got to say I found this Rumble to be somewhat of a disappointment. After last year's match, which was packed with exciting, memorable moments this was just a long, protracted slog with few standout spots and the spots that were highlighted weren't things I was interested in seeing. The 'Hulk wins' formula has become so tiring and ridiculous and I really need a break from it. Just enough time for one last shill of Wrestlemania VI before we finish. I'll see you there where I will hopefully be in a somewhat better mood. All in all this was a really poor showing for a Royal Rumble PPV. I have some major problems with the state of the WWF right now which is that everything is becoming so loving stale. When I saw Martel come out in the Rumble and realised how much he'd grown in the course of a year it really shone a light on how everyone else is treading water. Even Hulk, maybe especially Hulk. Since the last Royal Rumble the only characters to have changed in any way are Martel, Savage and Sherri. Everyone else on the roster is exactly the same guy they were at the start of 1989 which we've had a year's worth of shows with almost zero long-term impact. Wrestling can't just be the same characters facing each other in different permutations over and over again. They're characters, they need to change and learn and grow. That's what I want to be seeing as we head into a new decade. Ah well, at least Bossman did an enziguri.  /10
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Dec 20, 2017 08:55
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....strikeforce..... 
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Dec 20, 2017 08:59
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Rarity will it put you in a better mood if I do an Observer post? 
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Dec 20, 2017 09:01
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rare Magic card l00k posted:Rarity will it put you in a better mood if I do an Observer post? Yes pleeeeeeeeeeeasssssssssssseeeee  Jerusalem posted:....strikeforce..... 
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Dec 20, 2017 09:36
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1987 Wrestling Observer Newsletter Awards 1987 brought us Wrestlemania III and the first ever Survivor Series, two fine shows that combined for over TEN KANES between them, and plenty of new faces for Rarity. 1987 was a historic year both inside WWF and out. In fact, it's starting off hot, with THING RARITY SAID Now, what could Rarity have said that is relevant to the Wrestler of the Year award? Rarity posted:Sensational Sherri, the Glamour Girls, Dawn Marie (no, not that one) and Donna Christianello vs. The Fabulous Moolah, Velvet McIntyre, Rockin' Robin and the Jumping Bomb Angels The winner, of course, was What is relevant here to the thing Rarity said? Chigusa Nagayo of All Japan Women's Pro Wrestling finished 5th, marking the first time a woman has finished in the top 5 of Wrestler of the Year. Ric Flair won Most Outstanding Wrestler. Ms. Nagayo finished 4th, but it should be noted that she got the second-most first place votes. Hulk Hogan won Best Babyface, with Ms. Nagayo finishing a distant 2nd, just ahead of third place Randy Savage. Ted Dibiase won Best Heel. Dump Matsumoto continued the strong performance by All Japan Women's, finishing 3rd. Feud of the Year went to Jerry Lawler vs. Tommy Rich and Austin Idol, with Steamboat/Savage taking second, and Hogan/Andre taking 4th. Tag Team of the Year went to one form of the Midnight Express, Stan Lane and Bobby Eaton. WWF was kept out of the top 5, but finishing 6th was Rarity favorite The Jumping Bomb Angels. Most Improved went to Big Bubba Rogers (the future Big Boss Man). It's a list of future stars, as Sting finished 2nd, Curt Hennig finished 3rd, and Lex Luger finished 4th. Most Unimproved went to Butch Reed, with former beloved brawler Jim Duggan taking 3rd. Vince McMahon needs to step up his game, as he finished 3rd in Most Obnoxious, behind winner David Crockett, and noted bad wrestler Dusty Rhodes. Jim Cornette's still loved, winning Best On Interviews, with WWF being shut out. Most Charismatic once again went to Hulk Hogan. Chigusa Nagayo finished 4th, ahead of Ric Flair. Best Technical Wrestler went to Akira Maeda's UWF's Nobuhiko Takada. It's a list dominated by Japanese wrestlers, although Owen Hart finished 2nd. Bruiser Brody won Best Brawler, with WWF's Ted Dibiase sneaking onto the list in 5th. Owen Hart won Best Flying Wrestler, with WWF being shut out. Hulk Hogan had the most first place votes for Most Overrated, but alas, he has been felled by the winner, Dusty Rhodes. Most Underrated went to Brad Armstrong, with WWF's Bret Hart finishing 3rd. WWF (as Titan Sports) finished 2nd in Best Promotion, behind New Japan Pro Wrestling, and ahead of 3rd place All Japan Women's Pro Wrestling. Jim Crockettt Promotions and Jarrett Promotions finished up the top 5. WWF Superstars finished third in Best TV Show, a solid distance behind winner WMC-TV From Memphis and close second place New Japan. WWF has done it, winning Match of the Year behind the power of Randy Savage vs. Ricky Steamboat at Wrestlemania III. Chigusa Nagayo finds herself on this list too, finishing 3rd for a bout on February 26th against Lioness Asuka in Kawasaki. This match finished 3rd overall, but it managed the 2nd most first place votes. Rookie of the Year went to Brian Pillman. Jim Cornette once again took home Manager of the Year, with Bobby Heenan taking 3rd. WWF got shut out of Best Television Announcer, which was won by Lance Russell. Shockingly, WWF did poorly in Worst Television Announcer. Gorilla Monsoon finished only 3rd, and Vince McMahon finished 5th. The winner was Most Obnoxious winner David Crockett. Best Wrestling Move went to a man named Keiichi Yamada and his Shooting Star Press. Jake Roberts' DDT finished 4th. Ric Flair took Hardest Worker. Time for my least favorite categories to talk about, starting with Shock of the Year. Winning it was Crockett purchasing Bill Watts' UWF. That's going to go poorly, but that's not terrible to talk about. Second, however, is much more tragic. After nearly dying in 1985, and returning to wrestling despite being in no shape to do so in 1986, 1987 had Mike Von Erich committing suicide via a combination of alcohol and sleeping medication. Honky Tonk Man winning the Intercontinental Championship was 3rd, the NWA's descent finished 4th, and Ronnie Garvin winning the NWA Title finished 5th. Most Disgusting Promotional Tactic's winner can be predicted if you've been paying attention. Yes, World Class Championship Wrestling used Mike Von Erich's death to push tickets for a memorial show with put a poem for Mike under a scaffold on the undercard of a show main evented with a women's mud wrestling match. A Ric Flair promo on a mannequin (I think of Precious) where he said Ric Flair things finished 2nd. An angle in Deep South where Carl Styles' glass eye was apparently knocked out finished 3rd. Not content to get first, Von Erichs in general finished 4th, which included things like Kerry returning too soon from injury and pushing an anti-drug message. The Von Erich family also finished 5th, as apparently there was an angle where Kevin Von Erich developed a move called the Oriental Tool. Jesse Ventura took home Best Color Commentator. Dr. Death Steve Williams reclaimed his Strongest Wrestler title. This has to be the most worthless award ever. Ric Flair won Readers' Favorite Wrestler, with Randy Savage finishing 5th. Dusty Rhodes won Readers Least Favorite Wrestler, just ahead of Hulk Hogan, with Honky Tonk Man taking 4th. Also notable is that Wrestler of the Year Riki Choshu finished 4th in Readers' Favorite Wrestler, and 3rd in Readers' Least Favorite Wrestler. I guess a lot of tape traders must have gotten mad at being offered Japanese wrestling? Junkyard Dog took home Worst Wrestler, with Andre taking second. Worst Tag Team went to Jimmy Valiant and Buggsy McGraw. I think WWF is shut out here. World Class took Worst TV Show, which doesn't surprise me. I can only imagine how hard they pushed Mike Von Erich's death. Mr. Fuji took home Worst Manager. Good for him. Worst Match of the Year is, once again, WWF heavy. Hulk Hogan vs. Andre the Giant won the award, with Bundy/Tokyo/Littlebrook vs. Hillbilly Jim/Haiti Kid/Beaver taking 5th from Wrestlemania III. A midcard feud in WWF in the non-PPV time, Danny Davis vs. George Steele, took 3rd. Said Danny Davis vs. George Steele feud won Worst Feud of the Year. A Butch Reed/Billy Graham feud took 2nd. Worst on Interviews went to Buggsy McGraw, with no WWF in sight. Worst Promotion went to World Class, with yet again no WWF in sight. Best Booker went to the team behind WWF, Pat Patterson and Vince McMahon. Congrats Vince! Vince McMahon Wrestling Observer Awards: 3 Best Gimmick went to The Million Dollar Man Ted Dibiase. BAHAHA! Honky Tonk Man took 2nd, and Hulk Hogan's....being Hulk Hogan(?) took 4th. Worst Gimmick went to a Rarity favorite, Adrian Adonis. WWF's Outback Jack finished 2nd. Mighty Wilbur (which I'm only putting here for goons following Bryan and Vinny's NWA reviews) finished 3rd. George Steele finished 4th, and Brutus Beefcake's barber gimmick finished 5th. Most Embarassing Wrestler is another Rarity-approved category. George Steele won. Adrian Adonis was 2nd. Also of note is Dusty Rhodes was 4th. Oh lordy if people thought Dusty was embarassing before going to WWF, I wonder how much they lost their minds after seeing some polka dots. rare Magic card l00k fucked around with this message at 21:18 on Dec 20, 2017 |
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Dec 20, 2017 10:09
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Just to make things even far worse, the popular story is that Perfect was supposed to be winning this Rumble until the last moment, then Hogan went "Nah, not feeling it brother" and declared himself winner
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Dec 20, 2017 16:27
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rare Magic card l00k posted:
I know it's a minor detail, but I'm pretty sure this is supposed to be Akira Maeda's UWF, a short-lived Japanese company founded in 1984 by a bunch of guys that thought early-80s New Japan was too flashy and unrealistic.
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Dec 20, 2017 16:53
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I wonder what Bill Watts would have thought of shoot-style.
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Dec 20, 2017 16:56
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Rarity posted:And then about thirty seconds later way before the countdown has even showed up #28 Rick Rude slides into the ring. Welp, someone in the back sure screwed up. This was intentional. The idea was that Rude knew that the longer he waited to run out to help the Barbarian, the more likely Hogan and Warrior would recuperate, so he just jumped the gun and cheated. I really love the 1990 Rumble and that Hogan/Warrior showdown is still one of my top mark-out moments. Even Ventura and Heenan (on the outside) are going nuts. Plus the ending isn't 100% Hogan overpowering everyone. Rude and Perfect screw up and Hogan takes advantage of it.
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Dec 20, 2017 17:18
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Gavok posted:This was intentional. The idea was that Rude knew that the longer he waited to run out to help the Barbarian, the more likely Hogan and Warrior would recuperate, so he just jumped the gun and cheated. Well they should have made that clear because when you put it like that it sounds bloody awesome rare Magic card l00k posted:Chigusa Nagayo of All Japan Women's Pro Wrestling finished 5th, marking the first time a woman has finished in the top 5 of Wrestler of the Year. Someone link a Nagayo match cause she sounds awesome rare Magic card l00k posted:Ted Dibiase won Best Heel. Dump Matsumoto continued the strong performance by All Japan Women's, finishing 3rd. I have a feeling DiBiase comes off so much stronger if you're watching the normal TV shows. Just from the PPVs alone I think he's a great heel but his strength is his gimmick and his character and that must come off so much better when you see all the angles for his feuds. rare Magic card l00k posted:Tag Team of the Year went to one form of the Midnight Express, Stan Lane and Bobby Eaton. WWF was kept out of the top 5, but finishing 6th was Rarity favorite The Jumping Bomb Angels. Angels, you were too beautiful for this world  rare Magic card l00k posted:Most Unimproved went to Butch Reed, with former beloved brawler Jim Duggan taking 3rd. Oh man, I'd totally forgotten about Butch Reed. Yeah, he suuuuuuuuuuuuuuucked. rare Magic card l00k posted:WWF has done it, winning Match of the Year behind the power of Randy Savage vs. Ricky Steamboat at Wrestlemania III. Chigusa Nagayo finds herself on this list too, finishing 3rd for a bout on February 26th against Lioness Asuka in Kawasaki. This match finished 3rd overall, but it managed the 2nd most first place votes. Was Nagayo, heh, ready for Asuka?  rare Magic card l00k posted:Most Disgusting Promotional Tactic's winner can be predicted if you've been paying attention. Yes, World Class Championship Wrestling used Mike Von Erich's death to push tickets for a memorial show with put a poem for Mike under a scaffold on the undercard of a show main evented with a women's mud wrestling match. Am I parsing this right? They wrote a poem on some scaffolding and that was the extent of the memorial? And then they main evented with two women wrestling in mud? What the hell? rare Magic card l00k posted:A Ric Flair promo on a mannequin (I think of Precious) where he said Ric Flair things finished 2nd. I'm picturing a Katie Vick scenario for this one. rare Magic card l00k posted:A midcard feud in WWF in the non-PPV time, Danny Davis vs. George Steele, took 3rd. Oh wow, we really dodged a bullet with that one, didn't we? rare Magic card l00k posted:Worst Gimmick went to a Rarity favorite, Adrian Adonis. WWF's Outback Jack finished 2nd. Mighty Wilbur (which I'm only putting here for goons following Bryan and Vinny's NWA reviews) finished 3rd. George Steele finished 4th, and Brutus Beefcake's barber gimmick finished 5th. Who the gently caress is Outback Jack? However my biggest take away from these awards is this: rare Magic card l00k posted:Vince McMahon needs to step up his game, as he finished 3rd in Most Obnoxious, behind winner David Crockett, and noted bad wrestler Dusty Rhodes. Ha, suck it nerds! Dusty Rhodes is an absolute stinker of a wrestler and everyone knows it. I'm right and you're wrong. In the words of Kurt Angle it's true! It's drat true!
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Dec 20, 2017 18:45
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I maintain that his workrate starts to matter less when the guy was just *that good* of a promo 
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Dec 20, 2017 19:09
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Rarity posted:
Vince heard how popular the movie "Crocodile Dundee" and thought "What if he was a wrestler?" So they introduced a guy via expensive vignettes that just ripped off the movie ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2UhsDo7yyQM ), and low and behold, here's Outback Jack. Tie me kangaroo down, mate! Two problems. By the time he arrive, no one cared about Crocodile Dundee. And two, despite all the effort, they forgot to see if the guy could actually wrestle. He couldn't. So despite getting an LJN action figure, soon Outback was a jobber. Here's his debut: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_XNl2ZeduW4 Davros1 fucked around with this message at 19:34 on Dec 20, 2017 |
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Dec 20, 2017 19:29
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DeathChicken posted:I maintain that his workrate starts to matter less when the guy was just *that good* of a promo You mean his obnoxious, overrated, embarrassing promos? Not that I'd go so far as to say that myself but 1987 has some strong opinions, yo
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Dec 20, 2017 19:34
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Dusty Rhodes owned.
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Dec 20, 2017 20:26
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Takuan posted:I know it's a minor detail, but I'm pretty sure this is supposed to be Akira Maeda's UWF, a short-lived Japanese company founded in 1984 by a bunch of guys that thought early-80s New Japan was too flashy and unrealistic. There are too many dang UWFs.
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Dec 20, 2017 21:18
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Nah, the Australian fad was still in effect in 87, Outback Jack simply sucked beyond belief even by the incredibly low standards of 87' WWF which included the likes of King Kong Bundy, George Steele, JYD, and Killer Khan. He sucked too much even compared to THOSE guys, think about that. As a bonus, here's his last WWF match in May 1988, a 6-man tag featuring Outback Jack, Steve Blackman (yes, THAT Steve Blackman), and Bob Bradley (the future Battlekat...don't ask) vs. The Islanders (Haku, Tama, and Chief Afi...all of whom except Haku left shortly after this). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YMqFPpm9v6U
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Dec 20, 2017 21:38
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Rescuers Down Under wasn't until 1990.
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Dec 22, 2017 06:28
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Wrestlemania VI: Fear The Destrucity Of An Era Collapsing In The Ruins Of Moon Asteroids What I Think I Know
 It's Spring 1990, little Rarity is napping at preschool and across the Atlantic the WWF has ventured north to the land of maple syrup and caribou for a confrontation so epic it will shake the galaxy to its core, it's Wrestlemania VI! The only way that this titanic struggle can be properly expressed is through a manic Vince McMahon voiceover about constellations and spaceships and miasmas and nebulae and meteors and dwarf stars and THE TWO BIGGEST FORCES IN THE UNIVERSE!  HULK HOGAN!  THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR!  IT'S THE ULTIMATE CHALLENGE! So we're saying that this is quite a big deal, right? We are live from the Skydome in Toronto, Canada so remember guys we all have to boo the faces and cheer the heels tonight. It's in the Canadian constitution! After a nice little holiday break Gorilla Monsoon returns on commentary with the dependable Jesse Ventura at his side. And as is tradition we kick things off a musical performance from Robert Goulet. His Wikipedia entry says that he's a Grammy and Tony award winner but I have no idea who this guy is. Ah well, I suppose he's a step up from Rockin' Robin. Now I know that this is normally the part of the show where someone murders 'America the Beautiful' but things are going to be a little bit different this year. That's right, because we're north of the border we're switching things up with a bit of 'Oh Canada'. Goulet's a good enough singer but unfortunately the Canadian national anthem is as big a let down as their sports teams. It lacks the strong rousing finish that I expect to get me in the mood for the fightsmen. However, we do get a Canadian version of our patriotic montage with a lot of sweeping landscape shots that really showcase the country's natural beauty. Unfortunately we don't get the more personal human-centric images which is a shame because I really wanted to see a Mountie smiling over an elk carcass.  Sure beats New Jersey The anthem finishes and without further ado we kick right on into our... first... match... Well, gently caress everything. Koko B. Ware vs. Rick Martel No. No, no, no, NO! This is not the Strike Force match! Well, this show can go gently caress itself right off. I was so so so up for seeing their blow-off and instead I'm left with Martel curtain-drawing in absolute nothing match. I know that perhaps I was being ambitious by hoping their feud would go a full year but it really felt like they'd been intentionally sticking in each other's orbit all this time. Godammit. Welp, as much as I distaste this matchup with every fibre of my being I guess the only way out is through. The crowd does the bird as Koko comes out first and I'm delighted to announce that with their return to a stadium the WWF have brought back the cute little ringcarts. There's nothing better than watching a big angry heel glower around awkwardly while the ringcarts spends two minutes hauling his rear end to the ring. As Koko journeys down the entrance Jesse remarks that Goulet reminds of Axl Rose. Gino has no idea who that is because Gino is a lame square who probably hasn't listened to music since the lindyhop was popular. Out next is Martel who's made a couple of tweaks to his image since his last appearance. Firstly he has dumped Slick like a bad habit which is a fantastic move. I like Slick a lot but the two characters didn't mesh and had no business sharing each other's worlds. As a replacement Martel has traded in his manager for a perfume spray which is inoffensive in itself but really shines when you hear it's called Arrogance. That may sound dumb and silly and it is dumb and silly but it's also a beautiful pisstake of the stupid names companies brand their perfume with so I love it. Especially when you say it in French.  So if Martel's a model how come we never see him on magazine covers, huh? The action gets started when Martel attacks Koko while the ref is still checking out his gear. Koko responds with a smooth second rope crossbody and follows up with a back body drop. They're off to a really snappy and fast start to this one. Meanwhile, Jesse is talking about the wonderful accommodations on hand at the Skydome and boasts that he was able to get an entire floor of the hotel to himself. I assume that was one room for himself and the rest for his wardrobe. Martel has got the advantage now and tries to lock on the Boston Crab but Koko pulls himself over to the ropes. I'm not sure I like the Boston Crab as a finisher for Martel, it just doesn't seem to fit. Martel slams Koko's head against the turnbuckle but it has no effect. So I guess back in the 80s the whole 'hard head' thing was extended past Samoans to anybody who was classified as ethnic. That's... problematic. Koko repeats his second rope crossbody but this time Martel ducks and he slaps on the Boston Crab to get the win. This was a total nothing of a match and I'm gutted this was my replacement for the Strike Force blow-off. And even if I couldn't get that then I still think Martel deserved a bit more high profile than this. When he first turned heel I was really down on the change but over the last year he's really brought this character to life. I don't put Martel on the same level as my two favourites, Rude and Hennig, and I don't think he's got as high a ceiling as they do but he's got the ability to do something better than this. MOST INCORRECT PREDICTION Gorilla Monsoon: “This will far surpass any other Wrestlemania in history”  Sorry, Gino. If only you'd had Limp Bizkit.
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Dec 22, 2017 09:10
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Rarity posted:We are live from the Skydome in Toronto, Canada so remember guys we all have to boo the faces and cheer the heels tonight. It's in the Canadian constitution! After a nice little holiday break Gorilla Monsoon returns on commentary with the dependable Jesse Ventura at his side. And as is tradition we kick things off a musical performance from Robert Goulet. His Wikipedia entry says that he's a Grammy and Tony award winner but I have no idea who this guy is. Ah well, I suppose he's a step up from Rockin' Robin. Highly suggest you watch a little movie called Naked Gun 2 1/2: The Smell of Fear where Goulet plays the villain. Hell, it's practically homework for when you get to the mid-90's.
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Dec 22, 2017 14:52
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Gavok posted:Highly suggest you watch a little movie called Naked Gun 2 1/2: The Smell of Fear where Goulet plays the villain. Hell, it's practically homework for when you get to the mid-90's. He also had a nice guest spot on the Simpsons during the peak years.
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Dec 22, 2017 15:11
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He even sings a Christmas song, very appropriate at this time of year. I hope Andy Williams performs at a future-past PPV, and many other apparently famous Americans that Brits like me only know by virtue of the Simpsons.
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Dec 22, 2017 16:02
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Marmaduke! posted:He even sings a Christmas song, very appropriate at this time of year. Plus he hosted Bob Goulet's Old Fashioned Cajun Christmas.
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Dec 22, 2017 16:43
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I always liked his guest appearance on Police Squad's opening credits.
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Dec 22, 2017 16:53
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Yeah, slight spoilers for Martel/Santana (don't read if you don't wanna) There is never a proper blowoff. These guys will feud off and on for the next 30 years. Really, to this day if there's a Legends battle royal or something and Martel shows up, Tito will probably be there to jump him
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Dec 22, 2017 17:09
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To this day that enrages me, DeathChicken.
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Dec 22, 2017 17:46
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The previous year, 1989, Tito beat Martel in the finals of a non-televised/unmentioned King of the Ring tournament.
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Dec 22, 2017 19:56
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Tito/Martel is one of those feuds that basically lasts forever because there's no definitive closure to it. Kind of like Tito/Valentine. Flair/Piper and Terry Funk/Mick Foley are kinda like that, but more like they fight each other over the decades basically when they have nothing better to do.
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Dec 22, 2017 22:59
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Boogie Woogie Man and Paul Jones lasted forever
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Dec 22, 2017 23:01
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Lawler/Dundee is still not over.
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Dec 22, 2017 23:04
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My friend has a hall of villains action figure collection, and I'm giving him my 1990 Million Dollar Man and Andre the Giant to add to the ranks. While searching for them at my parents place, I found Rick Rude, and thought of Rarity. Five year old me saw him as the top heel against my top face: Jake the Snake Roberts.
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Dec 23, 2017 06:18
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Time for our first undead detour of the night as Zombie Mean Gene is locked on to the prime feast of Bobby Heenan as well as Andre the Giant and Haku. I still can't get over these two being the Tag Team champs. Zombie Mean Gene introduces Andre and Haku as “the Colostomy Connection”. Hehehe, now that's a burn. Heenan pulls him up on his sly dig and says that Demolition are headed straight to the treatment plant, which gives me the image of a day spa which gives me the image of Andre giving massages and now I hate my life. The Heenan Family leave as Zombie Mean Gene muses that they are anything but regular guys. Yeah, it says a lot when Haku is the most normal member of your group. Somewhere else in the back Sean Mooney is with Demolition who have put on their Sunday best version of gimpwear with the extra studs. Ax reckons that he can chop Andre down to size but Smash has other ideas in mind. He wants to stuff Andre and Haku in the back of a truck and drive them off the side of a cliff. Jesus! That's a quick escalation to vehicular homicide, you didn't even pass the laser tag stage! Mooney anticipates a demolition derby which is a bit on the nose, methinks. Smash agrees with him and says that all that will be salvageable from the rubble is the metal they will use to design the new Tag Team belts.  Smash then gives us his best goldfish impression Tag Team Title Match Demolition vs. The Colossal Connection w/ Bobby Heenan Now I've gone on record multiple times about how little interest I have in seeing this match but I am going to give them one bit of credit here. At least they're getting it over and done with early. Being this low on the card means I've still got other things to look forward to help me through. Andre and Haku are out first which is of course a horrible affront to the credibility of the title belts. Haku has some new snazzy ring gear, I guess now that he's a champion Heenan has deigned to up his paycheck. Demolition come out next and it's only here that I really get sense for Skydome as a venue and drat, it is awesome. I forgot how big the Astrodome felt in scope for WM3 and I'm getting the same sense here. It's a huge step up on Trump Plaza and immediately makes this show feel so much more important. The match kicks off with Ax and Haku as the legal men but Ax yells at Andre so he climbs into the ring and just lamps Ax. Haha, the ref bitches Andre out as he walks away but Andre gives zero fucks for the rules. Nice one Ax, way to poke the giant bearbaby with a pointy stick. Smash tags in and traps Haku with a back slide! A back slide! A pinning predicament! What technical ability madness is this? However, Andre ambles in and breaks it up with the weakest kick I've ever seen. He waves his leg in Smash's general direction and Smash falls over. So we're dealing with an Andre here that's giving even less of a poo poo than he normally does.  He's so gassed he's leaning on the ropes despite not even tagging in yet Of course, Heenan's not going to let this match go by without sticking his oar in and he takes an opportunity to slap Ax across the face. Ax retaliates by going after Andre on the apron instead. This works out about as well as you can imagine. Haku pins Ax for a visible three count but the ref is too busy bitching Heenan out for his interference. Ah well, easy come, easy go. Ack, this match is so pants. Haku keeps on beating on Ax and it's really loving dull. You know who I miss? Tama. The Islanders were a fun tag team and Tama added a real burst of athleticism. Imagine if this was Tama instead of Andre here, just think how fun that would be. With the referee distracted by Smash, Andre grabs hold of Ax and chokes him out with the tag rope. This is the level of excitement that we're reaching in this one. That counts as a spot. Ax fights back with a boot and a clothesline and crawls over to make the hot tag. Smash comes in and nails a high, high back body drop to Haku which he follows up with A CROSSBODY, WHAT? Ok, that's not Bossman-enziguri levels of impressive but I'm still quite shocked. Good to see at least one of these men wants make an effort for such a big stage. Ax joins in the fun with a clothesline to Haku then Demolition hit a double clothesline on Andre. They follow up with some axe handle smashes to Haku and a double clothesline to him as well. It's all still very samey but at least it's close to the finish. Andre comes to the rescue and grabs Smash as Haku takes aim but Smash ducks and the Reverse Thrust Kick nails Andre, sending him back into the ropes where he gets trapped. This leaves Demolition free to hit the Double Team Elbow to get the victory and the Tag Team gold once more. They celebrate while Gino calls it a “threepeat”. I thought this might be the first use of the word but turns out the LA Lakers put a trademark registration on it in 1989. The more you know!  Welp, there goes all of Haku's relevancy Oh, we're not done here yet by the way. Demolition have cleared out but Heenan's still in the ring and he is pissed. He turns to a tired and exhausted Andre and starts bitching him out. And ok, I know we're meant to feel for Andre here but he's shattered despite never even tagging in so I think Heenan's got a point here. Except then Heenan's loses all the loving marbles and he loving SLAPS ANDRE! Holy poo poo! Aw boy, this is getting real now. Andre grabs Heenan and slaps him back and then visibly whiffs a backhand. He knocks Heenan out of the ring but Haku comes back in to defend his manager. He goes for the Reverse Thrust Kick but Andre catches him and knocks him about as well. Haku and Heenan try to escape in the ringcart but like gently caress is Andre walking all the way up the entrance. He'd probably collapse before he got halfway. So he kicks them off the cart and heads off to the back on his tod. The crowd's really into this whole thing and I'm delighted to see something – anything! - important happen but at the same time I really don't want to see Andre as a face. At least being a heel allows him to be the big burly dude that just kills time with rest holds (cf. Zeus).  This might be a picture of them arriving for the match instead, I'm genuinely not sure As a match this was a massive waste of space, I think I've bitched enough about it already. I will say that they kept it blissfully short and the entire presentation of it felt like an apology for booking it in the first place. Much less fanfare than I expected. Demolition winning the belts is the best outcome here but I really hope we get to move on from his interminable trench that the tag division has been stuck in for the last two years. But to end on a positive note, after really feeling how stale everything was getting at Royal Rumble it was great to see something happening with long lasting implications. Even something I care as little about as an Andre face turn still stood out and got me ever so slightly excited. Addendum: Once again I have a little titbit from OSWReview to bring up. I'm listening to their WM6 episode now and I've just found out that this is a very special occasion. This is in fact the last ever PPV match from Andre! Oh frabjous day! We made it, folks! Give yourselves a pat on the back thread, you deserve it.  Off to the back once more where Zombie Mean Gene is waiting with Earthquake and Jimmy Hart before their match with Fat Herc'. Once again, Jimmy has customised his suit to fit the occasion. This one's got Quake-ometer written on it, hehe! Jimmy reckons that there's going to be an earthquake sometime soon. Earthquake says that Fat Herc' may be mighty but even buildings crumble during earthquakes. He's a good promo but they really need to lay off this whole thematical language thing as a gimmick. I tried it myself in his Survivor Series debut but I ran out of material so fast and they've got even less than I do. Repeating the word 'earthquake' ten times does not a promo make. Fat Herc' vs. Earthquake w/ Jimmy Hart We've got the face out first as Fat Herc' comes down to the ring and I am delighted to say that we're getting the first example of a wrestler sorting out his poo poo and coming back strong. That's right, Fat Herc' is no longer fat. Even though it's been a long time since I was on this train it still makes me happy to see him looking better. Earthquake's out next and he's got a theme and dear god, it's got to be up there for contention for the worst theme of all time. It's literally two drum beats on repeat over and over and over and over and over and I want to drive nails through my skull. Ok, it's fits the gimmick but holy poo poo, make it stop. As the two men stare off in the ring Gino reveals that Earthquake has so far sent 28 men to hospital during his career. Blimey, that's almost an entire Rumble! Fat Herc' turns to dump his chain so Earthquake charges in but Fat Herc' dodges out of the way. Oh man, even in these initial moments I can see Herc's got a step more of his pace back. He's not being asked to do much here but he's just that little bit snappier with his offence. I dub thee Fat Herc' no longer! This is all starting to look a bit one sided. Earthquake calls for a test of strength and Herc' agrees even though we all know that this is a terrible idea. Sure enough, Earthquake easily pushes Herc' to the ground. Herc' fights up and tries some shoulder tackles but Earthquake completely no sells them. In the end, a series of clotheslines from Herc' gets Earthquake on one knee and he goes for his new finisher, the Backbreaker. Except like a dummy he sticks his head under Earthquake's arm and gets smushed with an elbow. From there it's as simple as the Butt Splash from Earthquake to put this one to bed. After the match is over Earthquake hits the Butt Splash again as an aftershock.  Earthquake's attempts to give Herc' a fright were not going well I'm trying to muster some anger at this Earthquake push and I really can't manage it. I'm so over these big interchangeable slow dudes who can't wrestle for poo poo and have no charisma or value. If this had been anyone but Herc', who's been dead for years, then perhaps I'd be upset but this was a short squash that gave me zero emotion. All I can give you is an apathetic shrug. Oh hey, Earthquake got busted open inside his mouth. That's about the most interesting thing that happened.
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Dec 24, 2017 09:03
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I literally can't see Smash without hearing"HRRRW!" in my head. Thanks, OSW!
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Dec 24, 2017 11:30
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Earthquake had charisma in buckets. He just got so wound up for his promos, he couldn't hold still
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Dec 24, 2017 12:31
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Trivia: Haku's former Islander parter Tama is Rikishi's twin brother.
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Dec 24, 2017 14:38
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quote:I forgot how big the Astrodome felt in scope for WM3 That would be the Silverdome. Brother.
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Dec 24, 2017 15:45
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