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By this point Andre’s back was a complete mess. It had been bad for a while even after the surgery Vince Sr. paid for, Heenan said Andre was leaning on him during their WM3 entrance and nearly crushed him, and people weren’t so much worried about Andre not putting Hulk over but not being able to even physically go. But Andre kept drinking heavily, even for him, to deal the back pain, but all those empty calories just increased his mass. So it’s not so much Andre being lazy but that’s all he could physically do. That was the last match of his you’ll see, though not the last of Andre you’ll see (not to spoil but it’s just an appearance), but iirc Andre went to his farm to live out his final days soon after this.
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Dec 24, 2017 15:55
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It's the reason they paired him with Haku. Haku could carry the match, and the audience wouldn't question why Haku was carrying the match, since it was Haku. I will also always appreciate that Andre ended his career as face.
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Dec 24, 2017 16:57
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Yeah it was a nice final PPV outting, even if I don't much like the match itself, considering Andre never even tagged in. The timing is probably good for Earthquake though, he's a decent big man that stands out better if he's not in Andre's considerable shadow.
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Dec 24, 2017 17:09
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It's weird to think that, until they decided retroactively that his WWE title win counted (they refer to him as a former WWE champion now), the tag team title was the only major belt Andre ever really held in North America.
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Dec 24, 2017 21:58
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El Gallinero Gros posted:It's weird to think that, until they decided retroactively that his WWE title win counted (they refer to him as a former WWE champion now), the tag team title was the only major belt Andre ever really held in North America. They also count him as the shortest world title reign ever now, which is an amusingly backhanded compliment. (Apparently him handing over the belt is quicker than Orton beating DBry or Ambrose pinning Rollins)
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Dec 24, 2017 23:14
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Merry Christmas thread! I just want to use this day to say a massive thank you to all of you who are following my ramblings and rants. I have such a blast producing these reports and I'm glad that there are people out there who enjoy reading them. So whether you're one of the active posters who contributes to all the interesting discussions or whether you're just quietly reading along with us I want you to know that I appreciate you. But why should I just say thank you when I can show it with a gift? So here's a bumper-packed edition of the Rarity Retrospective that covers something I expect a lot of you have been anticipating... --- Time for a short interlude as we head to a fancy hotel room where who do we find? Why, it's only Elizabeth! That's right, she's back! And holy poo poo, is it about time too. She's just here for a sit down interview with Rona Barrett, someone that Wikipedia tells me was a noted gossip columnist of the era. Even so, it's still a delight just to see her face again. Rona tells Elizabeth that she looks stunning and asks what she's been up to. It turns out Elizabeth has been working in an advisory capacity away from the ring because she doesn't want to disappoint her fans by getting involved and not being good enough. Aw, don't be insecure Liz. That's just giving in to a demanding patriarchal society! Even though she's a bit nervous about it she does tease that she's contemplating a return to ringside. Well, wouldn't that be nice?  Just please don't bring that hideous jacket with you Elsewhere in the back Sean Mooney is with Burtus Beefcake and their taking a look at Curt Hennig's perfect record. Burtus is impressed but he doesn't think Hennig is perfect because everybody has flaws. He says he's going to cut through Hennig's perfect record and shreds the paper with his shears. Mooney sees his pun game and one ups him by describing his comments as “cutting remarks”. …Go, Mooney. Just go. Curt Hennig w/ The Genius vs. Burtus Beefcake Before we get started with this match there's just something I want to quickly touch on. While watching the OSWReview for Royal Rumble 1990 they covered some of the build which included a mini-feud between Hogan and Hennig. Firstly, let me just say that this makes the end of the Rumble feel a bit less out of left field. But more importantly they talked about this angle where Hennig and the Genius steal the WWF Title and take it backstage where Hennig smashes it to pieces with a hammer. I saw clips and holy poo poo, what an amazing segment that was. Even with just the small bit I saw it really made Hennig stand out as both different and dangerous. It did a great job of selling him as a big deal. As for this match, I know that shat on the idea of it in my Rumble review and I still can't say I'm overly thrilled. However, it turns out that I am very invested in Hennig's perfect record and I want to see it continue. This is the first match where it really feels like it's at risk as well. Burtus is the kind of overprotected midcard face who seems to constantly be hanging around and never loses despite having nothing to contribute to the overall show. He's just there making other guys look worse.  How is this man over? How? Ok, ok, there is a match here to talk about as well, geez. I'm getting to it. Burtus kicks things off with a big right hand that sends Hennig to the outside and he winds up there again moments later after an atomic drop. Burtus whips him into the turnbuckle and he bumps with such force that he bounces back into the ring like he's on a bungee cord. Hennig is basically Stretch Armstrong here. And somewhere in the world a young Dolph Ziggler is wetting his pants in excitement. This is completely one-sided so far. It's pretty much a squash match and it's making me very upset. Don't treat Hennig like this, especially not for Burtus. He calls for the Sleeper Hold but the Genius climbs up on the apron and distracts the ref. While they argue he drops his poetry scroll and Hennig blasts Burtus with it behind the ref's back. Why doesn't Hennig pin him here? I have no idea. Instead he follows with a necksnap and as happy as I am to see Hennig getting in offence I'm still mad at the booking here. It's not like he's going up against the Ultimate Warrior. Anyway, Gino says that the pendulum has swung 360 degrees and Jesse rightfully calls him out for his terrible grasp of physics. Oh Gino, science has passed you by. Hennig is firmly in control now and presses the advantage. In the front row a block of fans hold up a bunch of '10' signs each time Hennig nails a move. Hehehe, that's awesome. But wait, as Hennig continues the beatdown he starts to get cocky and we all know that this is a terrible idea. Stay focused, Hennig! Don't fall into your logical comeuppance! But cocky he remains and Burtus surprises him with a double leg takedown. He follows up with a slingshot that sends Hennig's head bouncing right into the ringpost which knocks him out long enough for Burtus to get the win. The perfect record has been chopped to pieces. Ugh.  Somewhere in the world a young Tye Dillinger has an epiphany Of course now that the match is over that means we've got to deal with Burtus's haircutting fetish. He signals to the crowd for a haircut but the Genius foils his plans by stealing the clippers. Burtus spots him and chases him down to retrieve them but I'm not even sure why he cares. As we're about to see he always uses scissors for this bit so the clippers aren't even relevant. I need logic in my grappleman soap opera! Burtus locks in the Sleeper Hold on the Genius and starts cutting away until Hennig makes the save. Gino excuses the whole thing as “extracurricular activities”. Oh gently caress off, you giant hypocrite. Not only did the match itself stink, the booking left a really bad taste in my mouth. Hennig is one of the best things the company's got going for themselves and it's not just that he lost, it's how he lost. He didn't get any offence in until he cheated and then he was defeated by one move. They made him out to be a totally useless goober all to feed him to a man with no wrestling skill and who didn't need the rub. Burtus has been far too protected over the last couple of years. I assume this is because Hulk's looking out for his bestie but I hate it and I hate Burtus and I want it to stop. Yes, I'm throwing a tantrum. Deal with it.  Haha, I only just spotted they've got 4.9 signs for Burtus as well Before the next match we get a quick recap of the feud between Rowdy Roddy Piper and Bad News Brown, which in almost its entirety boils down to the crabby brawl they had during the Rumble. There is one extra clip of Bad News insulting Piper's legs and telling him not to wear a skirt and it's just about to win the MOST OFFENSIVE COMMENT award when we transition to Zombie Mean Gene in the back with Piper. Oh god. Oh gently caress. I forgot about this. I FORGOT ABOUT THIS. MOST OFFENSIVE  HOW IS THIS A THING? That's right, it's the infamous moment where Piper blacks up. God drat. Ok, Rarity. Compose yourself. You can get through this. So Zombie Mean Gene is in the back with Piper and yes, he is indeed black up on the right side of his face. He claims that his black half is called 'Hot Scot' and refers to himself as 'two-faced'. From here he launches into a manic assault of insults at Bad News's face, which he says customising. The eyes bug out and the ears collect dirt and he's got a hair coming out of his left nostril three and half feet long and no, I can't do this WHY IS HE BLACKED UP? HOW IS IT RELEVANT TO ANYTHING ELSE HE'S SAYING? I DON'T UNDERSTAND. Bad News Brown vs. Rowdy Roddy Piper That's right, don't think this madness is over just yet. We've still got a match to get through as well. Bad News comes out first and as he does so Jesse teases venturing into the political arena with a run for President. That's why I love the WWF, such long-form foreshadowing in its storytelling. And then in a beautiful rare moment of kayfabe Jesse announces that in this match he will break from convention and cheer for the face because Piper's his old tag team buddy. Aww. That would be really sweet if it wasn't for all the blatant race baiting. SIGN OF THE NIGHT  Hmm, I like his drug tolerance policies but I'm not sure about his interpretation of Black History Month Before the match begins Piper needs to dispense his entrance gear, an act he takes pleasure in drawing out just so he can reveal that he has in fact blacked up an entire half of his body. The crowd is so into this and I feel so sorry for everyone. Was this really ok in 1990? Why is he doing this? This makes no sense to me. Bad News gets things started with some dirty brawling which Piper responds to in kind. This keeps on going and going until Piper connects with a crossbody. Oh hey, an actual wrestling move. That flash of workrate doesn't last long though, both men immediately go back to scrapping away at each other. The ref keeps trying to separate them but it's hard to say they're actually breaking any rules. Bad News shoves Piper's head into the turnbuckle but he keeps on no-selling it. And now they're both no-selling. Oh gee, this sure is exciting. Bad News really kicks things up with a body slam! Now we're living dangerously! Bad News goes for Piper's eyes and manages to blind him. This ties the ref up long enough for Bad News to slip off a turnbuckle pad without him noticing. Bad News tries to whip Piper into the corner but Piper reverses and sends Bad News running straight into the exposed steel. You know, this is the first time in the thread they've done an exposed turnbuckle spot and it's already failed. You'd think people would just give up after this one. Anyway, with Bad News reeling from the heavy hit Piper presses the advantage by... pulling out a glove?  That +2 ATK buff goes a long way Apparently Bad News is weak to the fashion element because Piper starts beating on Bad News with the glove and he sells it for ridiculous amounts of damage. They fall to the outside where Bad News takes a swing but Piper ducks and he clean punches the ringpost instead. Ok, ow. Piper's losing his rag now, he picks up a chair and takes a swing but Bad News ducks and it bounces off the ringpost. I swear to god if this big Wrestlemania blow-off match ends up in a screwy finish then I will be so loving mad. Ah wait, here it is. Bad News and Piper fall down into a brawl on the outside and the ref tries to pull them apart but they won't be separated and you know what this means. That's right, say it with me. We've got... a double countout! The two men then keep the brawl going all the way to the back, making this the third PPV in a row where Piper closes out the night by fighting his way up the aisle. gently caress everything.  This is a far less interesting threepeat Oh my god, this was the absolute worst. Let's forget about the blacking up thing cause I've gone on way too much about that already. Let's talk about the actual match. Not only was it a huge pile of dogshite it also made no loving sense. Is this what Piper came out of retirement for? So he could go to a gently caress finish with a guy who has spent the last two years being presented as a joke? Did the WWF really bring Piper back so they could obliterate his value with a series of ambivalent endings that never put him or his opponent over? Wait, don't answer that last one.
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Dec 25, 2017 10:43
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It really is one of the pits both WWE and Roddy have ever thrown themselves into. Going off OSW, Roddy blacking up was a rib at Bad News to try to get him motivated for the match. Didn't really pan out as you saw. Bad News was a big deal in Japan and Canada so think that's a big reason for keeping him round so long/protecting him. Plus Vince has a thing for legit tough guys, Bad News being the only person Andre would never gently caress with. One funny thing was that Andre (I think) pulled a rib on Roddy, and swapped out the body paint he was going to use with an unwashable version. Roddy ended up like that for two weeks I think.
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Dec 25, 2017 14:24
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Yeah, Bad News Allen was somebody you didn't gently caress with.
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Dec 25, 2017 14:30
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Blooming Brilliant posted:It really is one of the pits both WWE and Roddy have ever thrown themselves into. Going off OSW, Roddy blacking up was a rib at Bad News to try to get him motivated for the match. Didn't really pan out as you saw. Bad News was a big deal in Japan and Canada so think that's a big reason for keeping him round so long/protecting him. Plus Vince has a thing for legit tough guys, Bad News being the only person Andre would never gently caress with. It was that they replaced the paint remover with water. Heh.
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Dec 25, 2017 20:03
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Rarity posted:Burtus has been far too protected over the last couple of years. I assume this is because Hulk's looking out for his bestie but I hate it and I hate Burtus and I want it to stop. GOOD NEWS then, because this is, for all intents and purposes, the last PPV for Brutus as a legitimate contender in the WWF, as his infamous parasailing accident comes soon after this, which ended his in-ring career for the next 3 years. Yeah, he'll be around as a toady or interviewer, but this is pretty much the death knell of Brutus Beefcake. And yes, beating Perfect's perfect PPV streak wasn't enough, he was going to be rocketed up to the I-C Title soon after this until poo poo happened. I'm really ambivalent about Beefcake in general. I don't believe his 1980's WWF run was nearly as bad as everyone says it was. He was far from the worst worker on any given card, despite 80's WWF very low standard of workrate, but he could at least work up to the levels of most of the elite workers of the period like Savage or the Bulldogs if he really needed to. Yeah, he only got as far as he did by being Hogan's butt buddy, but he WAS legitimately hugely over on his own merits. Until post-WMV he didn't start playing up an on-screen relationship with Hogan and he was already pretty drat over. It was at this point where his push was probably higher than his ceiling should have been (going over Savage on house shows, going over Hennig at WM, and on the fast track to the I-C title back when it REALLY meant something), but then again he was possibly the 3rd most popular face in the company at this point behind Hogan and Warrior. None of this applies to his WCW run, though. Good lord, he was total poo poo from top to bottom. Shiki Dan fucked around with this message at 20:24 on Dec 25, 2017 |
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Dec 25, 2017 20:22
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Shiki Dan posted:GOOD NEWS then, because this is, for all intents and purposes, the last PPV for Brutus as a legitimate contender in the WWF, as his infamous parasailing accident comes soon after this, which ended his in-ring career for the next 3 years. Yeah, he'll be around as a toady or interviewer, but this is pretty much the death knell of Brutus Beefcake. I'd heard. It felt a bit poo poo to feel good about a guy getting properly messed up by injury 
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Dec 25, 2017 20:25
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Rarity posted:That's right, don't think this madness is over just yet. We've still got a match to get through as well. Bad News comes out first and as he does so Jesse teases venturing into the political arena with a run for President. That's why I love the WWF, such long-form foreshadowing in its storytelling. And then in a beautiful rare moment of kayfabe Jesse announces that in this match he will break from convention and cheer for the face because Piper's his old tag team buddy. Aww. That would be really sweet if it wasn't for all the blatant race baiting. Interesting thing about this that I didn't pick up on for years. He wasn't cheering Piper for being his "tag team" partner, but for being his "Tagteam" partner. Around that time, Ventura and Piper filmed a TV pilot called Tagteam where they were two blacklisted wrestlers who became cops. While there was supposedly intent to pick it up into a series, some lawsuit interfered and the studios involved kept it on the shelf for a while until they just played the pilot on TV in 1991 and washed their hands of it all.
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Dec 25, 2017 21:40
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That sounds amazing. How was it?
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Dec 25, 2017 21:43
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Open Marriage Night posted:That sounds amazing. How was it? AMAZING  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gkssIcU79_8
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Dec 25, 2017 21:47
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It's a shame Jesse's acting career kept stalling, he had it in him to be a really good character actor.
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Dec 25, 2017 22:52
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He succeeded as a virtual outsider in politics, which as a business is the biggest work of them all.
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Dec 28, 2017 05:26
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Pinstripe Hourglass posted:It's a shame Jesse's acting career kept stalling, he had it in him to be a really good character actor. The guy that ruined it for him? Probably Secundus.
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Dec 28, 2017 05:48
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SamuraiFoochs posted:The guy that ruined it for him? Probably Secundus. I get this reference and it makes me so happy.
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Dec 28, 2017 07:41
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From one superstar who disappeared from the WWF and returned to another pair. The Bolsheviks have returned! Yes, I know, I forgot they existed as well. But nevertheless Nikolai Volkoff and Boris Zhukov are back and basking in the big time with a musical collaboration with Steve Allen. That's the first ever host of The Tonight Show, fact fans! They're going to be working on a version of the Soviet national anthem. Oh, and for some reason they'll be doing all this from a bathroom. I'm guessing this was the only way they could convince Zhukov to shower So Allen gets things underway but he keeps on trolling the Bolsheviks by playing different songs instead. That's not very professional, Allen. You'll never work in this town again! He does it so much the Bolsheviks start yelling at him and then someone in the background flushes a loo which gets Volkoff kicking off. This actually happened. I swear, I don't even know what's going on with this show any more. The Hart Foundation vs. The Bolsheviks Yes please, Bret, save me from this madness! In a cruel and changing world I know that I can always rely on you to be cool and suave and mysterious. As the Harts come out Gino explains that they've already challenged the winners of the Tag Team title match, i.e. Demolition. Now I'm not a fan of hot-shotting the belts around but in this instance I'll make an exception. Before Bret reaches the ring he pauses to pass his sunglasses to a kid in the front row. Which means it's time for the latest entrant in our...   That's right, folks! Meet the Hitfan! The Bolsheviks come out as well but before the match can start Volkoff wants to sing the national anthem. Of course. He takes the mic and starts to sing while on commentary Gino refuses to rise because he does not respect foreign nations. He throws a right old strop about it as well, what a dick. But Gino's not the only one unimpressed with this rendition, the Harts are also very put out by Volkoff's vocals (try saying that ten times fast). So the Harts ambush the Bolsheviks, Anvil knocks Volkoff out of the ring and they hit the Hart Attack to win. That's it? That's it?! Are you loving serious? You can't even allow your big hometown heroes to be in front of the crowd for more than a few minutes. Ok sure, you gave the Harts a nice little win and popped the crowd but you could have done the same while giving them enough time to put on a show and really get the crowd amped. Oh my god, this actually made me really mad. I spent the rest of the night thinking the Harts might challenge Demolition for the Tag Team belts on this show but no, this is all we get of Bret and Anvil tonight. What the hell?  I will say that I did love the swag of Bret's pin though Now we may not even be halfway through Wrestlemania VI but this is no time to rest to be resting on laurels! That's why the WWF are happy to announce that Wrestlemania VII will take place in Los Angeles next year. Jesse's very excited by this news because Hollywood is his town so he's going to need at least 30,000 tickets just for his buddies. I'm sure this means we can look forward to a high calibre of celebrity guest next year. We return to the back where Zombie Mean Gene's latest guest is the other half of my missing Strike Force match, Tito Santana. Zombie Mean Gene calls him “one of the most versatile wrestlers” which sounds like one of those generic comments they use to get a face over when he's got no actual upside. Just imagine anything they ever said about Billy Gunn. Tito wonders whether the Barbarian can make the successful transition to singles wrestling but recognises that he needs to keep his eyes on Bobby Heenan. Such a versatile promo! The Barbarian w/ Bobby Heenan vs. Tito Santana So for those of you that didn't twig from Tito's promo, the Barbarian has indeed split off from his warmongering buddy to go solo. The Warlord is gone, Mr. Fuji is nowhere in sight and now he's hooked up with Heenan so this is officially the end of the Powers of Pain. RIP. I'm sure friends, that you are just as devastated at this turn of affairs as I am.  Leave the memories alone! Tito comes out to the ring and he's got a theme now as well. It's really not good. It's like some beach cabana music, it's giving me Carlito vibes except Tito doesn't have the persona to match. Jesse's reminded of the Blue Note Club in Tijuana. Gino reckons that Jesse must have picked something up there and holy poo poo, Gino busting out an STD joke out of nowhere on PPV. Savage. Which makes this the most inadvertent time for Jesse to respond with the following. MOST HOMOEROTIC MOMENT Jesse Ventura: “I used to go there when I was in the Navy a lot” I feel like Gino and Jesse must have smuggled a bottle of gin into commentary for this year's show. Case in point, Jesse then says that Tito should have given the Barbarian some food before the match because then he'll win by countout. Because the Barbarian will need to run to the back to take a dump. Because Mexican food gives you the runs. loving hell. I kinda appreciate the lengths Jesse's willing to go to put a slam on Tito but there are some serious extensions of logic here. Oh well, let's put commentary aside and focus on the match. Tito comes out strong to start and connects with a high crossbody but the Barbarian retaliates with a strong hiptoss. He goes for a falling headbutt but Tito rolls out of the way. It's a fairly standard speed vs. power affair. The Barbarian nails Tito with a big boot and then he walks the second rope into an elbow drop! drat, you don't see that every day. Ok, I know it's not the top rope but I still never woulda thought he had that in him. Oh, Tito dodged the elbow drop though so it didn't actually do any good. Tito hits the Flying Forearm but Heenan helps out by dragging the Barbarian's foot onto the ropes. The ref spots it and breaks off the count then the Barbarian knocks Tito down and follows with the Flying Clothesline to pick up the victory. Oof, you do not want to be walking into one of those. That must hit like a freight train.  Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Well, that was pretty much a whole lot of nothing. Of course it was all just to establish the Barbarian as a singles guy but it didn't do much to sell him. Was there really anyone itching to find out who was the star from the Powers of Pain? I'm still disappointed that instead of a Strike Force blow-off we wound up with these two inoffensive but meaningless matches instead. I really wanted to spend some more time reliving Lil J-Ru's trauma.
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Dec 28, 2017 11:36
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Wow, this Wrestlemania had many more fodder matches that didn't mean anything than I remembered.
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Dec 28, 2017 19:46
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DeathChicken posted:Wow, this Wrestlemania had many more fodder matches that didn't mean anything than I remembered. Wrestlemania then is what RAW is now.
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Dec 28, 2017 19:49
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Too many matches without much in stakes is a common theme with the early Wrestlemanias.
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Dec 28, 2017 20:59
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For most of the roster, being on Wrestlemania in the early days didn't really mean much other than getting a nice little bonus out of the gate. The business was still centered about House Shows rather than PPVs, and WM didn't quite have that level of prestige yet. We're rapidly approaching the end of that era, though, as PPVs start to become much more profitable and house show attendance dwindles down. By WM 8 or so, WWF would finally start to trim the fat and figure out that seeing midcard heels squash Ronnie Garvin or the Red Rooster in matches with no buildup or angle wasn't going to bump any numbers.
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Dec 28, 2017 22:31
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Shiki Dan posted:For most of the roster, being on Wrestlemania in the early days didn't really mean much other than getting a nice little bonus out of the gate. It's also the expansion of TV as well. It's one thing to have a once weekly hourly show dedicated to your main angle and whatever shows you're pushing, but to have to fill more and more time means more attention to those lower down on the card.
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Dec 28, 2017 22:45
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That Bolsheviks bit had one of my favorite gags. *Steve Allen plays "Pop Goes the Weasel"* Zhukov: Hey, that's not Russian National Anthem! Allen: It wasn't? Then what was it? Zhukov: That's Polish National Anthem! Allen (to camera): You can send your letters to him. Shiki Dan posted:For most of the roster, being on Wrestlemania in the early days didn't really mean much other than getting a nice little bonus out of the gate. That's part of why I find WM7 so interesting, outside of it being my first WrestleMania. It's like three hours of important and climactic matches with an extra hour of Sunday Night Heat sprinkled throughout. But it makes sense, since Vince tends to like to hand out as many WrestleMania paychecks as possible and is intent on putting as many guys onto the show as possible.
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Dec 29, 2017 00:08
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Just wanted to say that as far as I was concerned, Sean Mooney was the voice of the WWF in the late 80's and not Mean Gene because I mostly saw the Saturday morning recap shows. Please be nice to Sean Mooney tia titties fucked around with this message at 00:26 on Dec 29, 2017 |
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Dec 29, 2017 00:24
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titties posted:Just wanted to say that as far as I was concerned, Sean Mooney was the voice of the WWF in the late 80's and not Mean Gene because I mostly saw the Saturday morning recap shows. Sean "Perfectly Vertical" Mooney was always a commentator that I struggled with; he was so white bread but really tried to take the product seriously. At least he wasn't Todd. That guy was such a mark.
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Dec 29, 2017 15:20
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titties posted:Just wanted to say that as far as I was concerned, Sean Mooney was the voice of the WWF in the late 80's and not Mean Gene because I mostly saw the Saturday morning recap shows. Sean Mooney is a prototype of Kevin Kelly, he exists to make the wrestlers look cool in comparison
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Dec 29, 2017 15:27
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We're close to another one of our main marquee matches but before we kick things off we'd better have a little recap of the feud between Randy Savage and Dusty Rhodes. As you know things kicked off back at Royal Rumble when Dusty rudely refused to let his manager be bullied by a scary monster lady and a red-faced preacher. Later, Dusty and Savage wind up facing off one-on-one but Sherri interferes. Sapphire makes the save and Dusty keeps Sherri from leaving so that Sapphire can (very weakly) kick her rear end. Oh, there wasn't really that much extra to what we already knew there. Ho hum. Mooney is waiting for a very quick word with Dusty and Sapphire before the match starts. Dusty says that we'll never see them wearing crowns unlike Savage and Sherri but they have got the crown jewel that Savage is missing. You know, they could have made so much of this dichotomy between Savage's royalty and the Common Man gimmick. I guess they've veered away cause of the whole 'Vince burying Dusty' thing but it would have been really interesting.  SAPHIRE Randy Savage and Sensational Sherri vs. Dusty Rhodes and Saphire The King and Queen are the first to come out and Savage has even managed to wrangle a throne on his ringcart so he can ride to the ring in style. Man, that's just too loving cool. Savage looks so drat shiny as well, his gold jacket is almost blinding me. As they approach Jesse points out that Savage and Sherri pay their taxes. I'm not really sure why he brings it up, I suppose it's meant to be a slam on Dusty but he never suggests Dusty doesn't pay taxes so it sounds really strange. Savage and Sherri take an age to get down to the ring, I swear this cart is going extra slow on purpose. Sherri's dress also rules, by the way. She looks super fancy. Dusty and Saphire are out next to a massive ovation. Even though I'm not really feeling the match myself I can't deny that there's a big match feel in the stadium. The fans are already eating it up. They reach the ring but before the match can get underway Dusty grabs the mic because he's got a few more words to say. He has indeed got the crown jewel in hand tonight and he's going to bring it out and OH poo poo HE'S GOT ELIZABETH. OH gently caress.  MARKING THE gently caress OUT Oh man, this makes me so happy. Elizabeth comes out on her own special ringcart to massive, massive pops from the crowd. The match gets underway with her in the faces corner as Dusty faces off with Savage. Now the rules of this match dictate that men fight men and women fight women but Jesse reckons that the women should be able to fight the men because of women's lib. Oh boy, there's a can of worms that I'm just going to breeze right past. Jesse's not the only one thinking like that though. Sherri runs in and just lamps Dusty on the back for shits and giggles. Dusty backs her up into his corner for Saphire to grab but Savage comes to the rescue. Saphire jumps up into Dusty's arms and he dumps her on top of Sherri as she comes back for round two. Saphire gets tagged in and now we are officially in catfight territory. And oh god, here's where we have to deal with Saphire's horrible, horrible offence. I get that she's not even a wrestler but even so I think she's the worst woman I've ever seen in a match. So Saphire starts by pushing Sherri into Savage and then takes control with a series of repeated attacks from her hip. She follows up with an airplane spin which I can only with honesty call an airplane turn. All this does is make Sherri mad so Saphire scurries away and tags in Dusty. This brings Savage back in but Dusty grabs him and allows Saphire to connect with a slap. Hey, what happened to gender segregated violence! Oh well, I suppose Sherri did break it first. The boys fight to the outside where Savage takes over and goes up top for a big double axe handle from the turnbuckle to the concrete. He follows this up with a second one and goes for the threepeat but Saphire blocks his way. Savage shoves her out of the way and settles for a double axe handle inside the ring. At this point Sherri causes a bit of a ruckus by arguing with Elizabeth on the outside. This grabs the ref's attention long enough for Savage to grab his sceptre and use it for yet another double axe handle on Dusty. That move is getting a lot of play tonight.  Dusty, recovering from a spicy vindaloo With Dusty laid out on the match Sherri finally gets the opportunity she's been waiting for to put in some hurt on the dude and she comes off the top rope with a body splash. drat, girl! Ok, got to give Sherri some props for that. However, Dusty recovers from this blow easy enough and smashes Savage and Sherri's heads together to big cheers. Sherri tries to get in the way by jumping on Dusty's back but Saphire tags back in and pulls her off with the worst snapmare I've seen in my entire loving life. God drat, please no one let this lady near a ring ever again. There's no way Saphire's tagging out at this point though. She tosses Sherri out of the ring but Elizabeth is on hand to send her right back inside where Saphire follows up with a terrible suplex. Sherri tries to retaliate by going after Elizabeth but she winds up getting her hair pulled and tripping over Saphire who pins her to pick up the win. It's a bit goofy but I really can't imagine the match ending any other way. Savage and Sherri retreat looking super pissed, leaving Elizabeth to boogie on down with Dusty and Saphire.  This is just delightful Well, that sure was a thing. Despite my initial reservations I wound up enjoying this match quite a bit. Bringing back Elizabeth was an absolute masterstroke and it added a really great extra edge to the story. When I first realised Savage and Dusty would be feuding I was picturing a drab singles match but this had way more going for it. The match itself wasn't exactly a workrate showcase but it was overbooked to hell and so there was always something happening to keep up the escalation. Even with Saphire and her amazingly bad skill levels it still came together well. Remember, friends! Wrestlemania VII is only a year away. Catch it soon in a thread near you because I will have definitely not got tired of this project by then!
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Dec 31, 2017 16:08
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Dream and Macho both had so much charisma that even with Dusty getting on in years, with the right smoke and mirrors, they were capable of having some pretty good matches. Also, I just learned Sapphire passed away. 
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Dec 31, 2017 16:20
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I hope this project makes it to VII just for the return of one of your favorites in...um...interesting circumstances.
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Dec 31, 2017 16:23
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Randaconda posted:Also, I just learned Sapphire passed away. Dusty lived the longest out of all 5 people involved in this match, which is a truly amazing and depressing fact. By far, actually. Yes, 300-lb. Dusty who never saw the inside of a gym, but drank like a fish and smoked cigars every day. Shiki Dan fucked around with this message at 19:02 on Dec 31, 2017 |
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Dec 31, 2017 18:43
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Shiki Dan posted:Dusty lived the longest out of all 5 people involved in this match, which is a truly amazing and depressing fact. poo poo, they got Elizabeth too?
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Dec 31, 2017 18:48
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Sapphire died in 1996, one month away from her 62nd birthday. (Yes, she was 55 in this match) Elizabeth died in 2003 at age 42. Sherri died in 2007 at age 49. Randy died in 2011 at age 58. Dusty died in 2015 at age 69.
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Dec 31, 2017 18:58
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Shiki Dan posted:
n-n-nice
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Dec 31, 2017 19:18
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Shiki Dan posted:Sapphire died in 1996, one month away from her 62nd birthday. (Yes, she was 55 in this match) 55 in this match and she still outlived the other two female participants. Don't
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Dec 31, 2017 19:45
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Let's be honest: Liz and Sherri did a bunch of drugs too.
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Dec 31, 2017 20:20
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I thought Liz was a classy lady. My kayfabe, it is broken 
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Dec 31, 2017 20:24
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So you might have noticed updates have slowed down a touch. I was taking it easy over Christmas and now I'm focusing on organising the 2017 Top Ten Poll in TVIV so this is taking a backseat until that's finished. I've still got plenty of backlog so no need to worry too much but I'm taking it slow until I'm back to writing these. --- The ending of Savage/Dusty marks the halfway point of the show, meaning its time for a series of backstage vignettes to cover the interlude. First up, Zombie Mean Gene has been irresistibly been drawn back to the brains so he's with Bobby Heenan to breakdown the end of the Tag Team Title match. Zombie Mean Gene thinks Heenan is harder to get along with than his mother-in-law. Hehehe, he says it with such credibility. Heenan retorts that it takes Andre two and a half hours for the blood to get to his brain and he slapped Andre because he wasn't listening and couldn't even be bothered to get in the ring. I suppose that second part's true. Heenan asks if Andre is “lazy” and “incompetent” and I'm not sure I should really answer that question. He storms off declaring that he's going to start a new family. Aww, but who's going to get custody of Rick Rude in the divorce?  He's just not been the same since Arn walked out on him Meanwhile, Gino and Jesse have taken a break from the commentary desk to catch up with Rona. They wonder what kind of gossip she's managed to get out of the wrestlers in the back. She complains that she's not been able to get any info because they've all got such clean images. Ahahahahahahahaha. Hang on, I'm sorry. Ahahahaha. Just a minute, aha, let me get it out of my, ha, system. Ahaha, oh my god. Yeah, she just said that. But wait a moment, she has found one little juicy bit of info. She's found a film of Jesse and IT'S A SEXTAPE! Oh my god, what is happening? SHE'S GOT IT WITH HER! loving hell! She's just about to arrange for it to be played but Jesse throws us over to Mooney. What the gently caress was all that? And here to save us from the sight of Jesse's uncovered schlong is Mooney with Randy Savage and Sensational Sherri, both of whom are midst meltdown from their loss to Dusty. Savage says that we all need to get a phone and call somebody. I don't see how Brodus Clay's momma is gonna help here! He continues that mind games are his thing and suffering builds character so he's going to make sure Dusty suffers because Elizabeth doesn't exist. Yes, much like Vanilla Ice's talent and Lara Croft's boobs, Elizabeth is a 90s myth. All through this Sherri is throwing a giant tantrum in the background which Savage and Mooney both completely ignore. Hehehe.  Whoops, who let a hobo wander in front of the camera? The interview run continues as we return to Zombie Mean Gene who has tracked down Demolition as they celebrate with their new belts. Smash says that he got goosebumps tonight and now they're ready for anyone. Ax adds that this time the win was sweeter because some people were starting to doubt them. It's a generic babyface promo coming from two middle-aged men in gimpsuits and glitter. I think my mind just broke. Ax tells the Hart Foundation to bring it on. Oh, if only they could. I actually spent the rest of the show thinking we were going to see Demolition and the Harts go at it tonight but alas, it is not to be. Just enough time for a brief interview interlude as Gino confirms that he's checked over Rona's footage and deems it not incriminating for Jesse. Oh well, maybe next year. And seeing as this year we were denied the 'Jesse is introduced to the crowd for no reason' moment, this seems like the best time to deal some with housekeeping.  Jesse is looking very colourful this show, and no I'm not referring to his sextape. He's got on a rainbow coloured acid-wash T-shirt under a salmon pink jacket. Fair play to the man, he's spearheading the 'Real Men Wear Pink' campaign a good twenty years in advance. He's topped the whole look off with a very hippieish do-rag. I think this is the best outfit Jesse's worn so far actually, it's stylish and individual without being absolutely ridiculous. Well done, sir.  I take it this is what you'd wear to the Blue Note Club? We're thinking about the main event now as Zombie Mean Gene speaks to Hulk Hogan. And if you didn't know how the match was going to go tonight then Hulk's promo would be a massive clue. Hulk says he saw the Skydome as he was crossing the border and when he got to the airport he was greeted by all the Hulkamaniacs. He knows that tonight the crowd are going to be his people but he can save the Ultimate Warrior if he just breathes into Hulk's body. He makes a really big deal out of the fact that it doesn't matter whether you win or you lose. Did you get that, kids? Even if you lose it doesn't mean you suck. Man, Hulk must be so upset that he's jobbing tonight. Meanwhile, Mooney is with the Ultimate Warrior who deems him “a normal” that doesn't deserve to breathe the same air. drat, dude. However, Warrior recognises Hulk as being on another level and thinks that Hulk can live through him. He asks Hulk if still wants to step into the darkness because he's not here to destroy Hulkamania. He's here to bring the Hulkamaniacs and the Warriors together and take what they believe in to brand new places. Hey, as long as it's a place where Hulk isn't main eventing I am fully on board.  RAAAAAAARGHHHH!!! The Orient Express w/ Mr. Fuji vs. The Rockers So with the Powers of Pain no more this has left our old friend Fuji bereft of talent so he's gone back to his roots to bring in a couple of Japanese dudes, Pat Tanaka and Sato. I've never heard of these guys before in my life and my first impression is not particularly exciting. It's not that they look bad, they just seem incredibly generic and bland. This is the bit where you guys tell me they were multiple tag champs in NJPW, isn't it? The newbies are going to be taking on the Rockers who are looking just as fired up as ever, kicking things off with a powerslam on Tanaka from Marty. The action breaks down as the Rockers hit a double hiptoss on Sato and then throw Tanaka at him. Tanaka and Sato scramble to the outside but the Rockers keep up the pressure with synchronised planchas! gently caress yes, now we're talking. Gimme all dat flippy poo poo. God, the Rockers are such a breath of fresh air every time I see them. It's like they're wrestling on fast forward.  The Rockers are so fast we can't even see them in this picture With things on the verge of falling apart Fuji smacks Marty with the cane and Sato takes advantage to ram him into the ringpost. He rolls Marty back in the ring and goes for a back body drop but Marty flips through and lands on his feet! Shawn slides in as Sato turns around and he eats a double superkick! Oh man, that's delightful. Ok, I think I can survive without the Rougeaus. As long as I keep getting action like this, I'll be fine. Shawn tags in and hits a lovely neckbreaker on Sato but the tide soon turns as Sato replies with a gutbuster and follows with a knee drop off the top rope. The heels take control and work Shawn over for a while until he nails Tanaka with a big clothesline which gets a 360 sell. Shawn crawls over to Marty for the hot tag and while he starts rolling Gino decides to the call the Rockers “lethargic”. Whoa, gently caress you Gino. Firstly, they're the faces and you're supposed to be getting them over but more importantly you're just plain wrong. Now that Shawn's had time to recover he joins Marty in a massive double back body drop to Tanaka. It's so big that Tanaka flips through to land on his front. Ow! The Rockers go up top for a double team move but Fuji spots it and whacks Marty with the cane once more. Marty's had enough of this now so he goes after Fuji, who drops the cane. Marty picks it up but Sato's got hold of the ceremonial salt and hurls it into Marty's eyes. Marty stumbles all around the outside, trips over the guardrail and falls into the crowd. Ahahaha, what a dummy. Hang on, wasn't Marty the legal man? He sure was! And he's still rolling around on the floor as the referee counts him out. Haha, you got wrecked, son.  Are you sure this is the best time to be taking a nap? This was a fun little match that worked as a really good showcase for the Rockers. At this point they're the clear standouts in the tag division, they're pulling off poo poo that no one else is even thinking about. Tanaka and Sato held up their end of the match as well I suppose. I'll allow them a bit more time before I form a final opinion. I don't even mind that the match ended with such a gently caress finish or that the Rockers kinda got buried a little because it was funny as hell. Hehehe, oh Marty, way to be the Marty of the match.
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Jan 4, 2018 19:12
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I will remind you that Smash is a young 31 years old still. Pat Tanaka is actually a Hawaiian that worked the terroritories and pretty much every promotion in the 80s. Him and the Rockers wrestled each other in AWA. Sato is some guy from All Japan and territories.
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Jan 4, 2018 20:03
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