Newspaper Spider-Man: ARRGH! She said the N-WORD!

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Endless Mike: Aug 13, 2003

It's a new year and Spider-Man continues to be printed in newspapers worldwide! You can go talk about his regular comic book adventures over here. THIS thread, however is about a dumber, wackier, overall more fun version of Spider-Man: the daily comic strip "The Amazing Spider-Man" by Stan "The Man" Lee and "Laughin'" Larry Lieber*. Newspaper Spider-Man features all the characters you know and love: Peter Parker, MJ (still married!), J. Jonah Jameson, Robbie, and whatever other characters Stan and Larry decide to bring in. It's run in a serial format, so every day matters! Stories generally start or at least include Peter getting hit by someone or something since his spider-sense is completely useless and also everyone seems to like hitting him, including other superheroes. He rarely actually solves the problems being presented to him, instead he tends to make them worse. Some past stories have included Peter getting smacked around by Iron Man since Newspaper Iron Man doesn't have night-vision, Peter fighting a clown named Clown-9, and Peter fighting Jameson in an old Iron Man armor - with his face projected on the front. The past year of stories had Pete and MJ start on a road trip to LA for a movie premier and adopt a beautiful trash-eating space-son along the way, fight subterranean armadillo monster Lenny, Pete break up Aunt May's wedding to the new love of her life, and then fly out to Miami, where Pete remembers his old buddy The Lizard lives now. Kurt is still trying to inject himself lizard serum but it definitely won't turn him into the Lizard this time, promise, and they manage to run into the Hulk, which brings us to today...

*Stan probably doesn't contribute a whole lot anymore, but writing is still credited to him

The current storyline involves Iron Fist, the first hero Pete has actually been able to dunk on. He even got to write a story for the Daily Bugle (as transcribed by Johnny Walker)!

quote:

IRONFIST
by Peter Parker

A masked man brought another man to a hospital last night. The other man was an FBI agent. The masked man had saved him from an attack by some other other men. These other men were bad men, according to sources. The masked man did not attack the agent and then bring him to the hospital, as initially suspected by some sources.

The masked man is called IronFist, because he has a fist that is really hard (reports say it also glows and cuts up webs somehow so those are useless against it so don't even try that). Anonymous sources say you should not punch him in the fist if you are punching him, which you shouldn't be because he was not one of the bad men who attacked the FBI agent. You might think at first he is a bad man and then you will start to fight him, and perhaps he will think the same thing about you and will start to fight you, but eventually you both will realize you are both not bad men and stop fighting, according to sources. But if you punch him really hard directly in the fist it will really hurt your hand a lot is the point sources are making.

That case of mistaken identity thing described above is exactly what happened between IronFist and Spider-Man! They fought for a minute, but then realized they were both on the same side--the good one. They then saved the FBI agent from another attack by some other bad people (this time one was a woman), who then disappeared somehow and so did we, sources revealed.

After that, they considered teaming up, but then IronFist revealed his identity (he was NOT Danny Rand of the Wall Street Journal) to Spider-Man and said to team up Spider-Man had to reveal his, sources say.

As of this printing, Spider-Man refused to reveal himself because I had to protect my secret identity, according to sources I talked to as a reporter to get these facts.

Want more Newspaper Spider-Man goodness? Well click below to read more!

1999: [Jan] - [Feb] - [Mar] - [Apr] - [May] - [Jun] - [Jul] - [Aug] - [Sep] - [Oct] - [Nov] - [Dec]

2000: [Jan] - [Feb] - [Mar] - [Apr] - [May] - [Jun] - [Jul] - [Aug] - [Sep] - [Oct] - [Nov] - [Dec]

2001: [Jan] - [Feb] - [Mar] - [Apr] - [May] - [Jun] - [Jul] - [Aug] - [Sep] - [Oct] - [Nov] - [Dec]

2002: [Jan] - [Feb] - [Mar] - [Apr] - [May] - [Jun] - [Jul] - [Aug] - [Sep] - [Oct] - [Nov] - [Dec]

2003: [Jan] - [Feb] - [Mar] - [Apr] - [May] - [Jun] - [Jul] - [Aug] - [Sep] - [Oct] - [Nov] - [Dec]

2004: [Jan] - [Feb] - [Mar] - [Apr] - [May] - [Jun] - [Jul] - [Aug] - [Sep] - [Oct] - [Nov] - [Dec]

2005: [Jan] - [Feb] - [Mar] - [Apr] - [May] - [Jun] - [Jul] - [Aug] - [Sep] - [Oct] - [Nov] - [Dec]

2006: [Jan] - [Feb] - [Mar] - [Apr] - [May] - [Jun] - [Jul] - [Aug] - [Sep] - [Oct] - [Nov] - [Dec]

2007: [Jan] - [Feb] - [Mar] - [Apr] - [May] - [Jun] - [Jul] - [Aug] - [Sep] - [Oct] - [Nov] - [Dec]

2008: [Jan] - [Feb] - [Mar] - [Apr] - [May] - [Jun] - [Jul] - [Aug] - [Sep] - [Oct] - [Nov] - [Dec]

2009: [Jan] - [Feb] - [Mar] - [Apr] - [May] - [Jun] - [Jul] - [Aug] - [Sep] - [Oct] - [Nov] - [Dec]

2010: [Jan] - [Feb] - [Mar] - [Apr] - [May] - [Jun] - [Jul] - [Aug] - [Sep] - [Oct] - [Nov] - [Dec]

2011: [Jan] - [Feb] - [Mar] - [Apr] - [May] - [Jun] - [Jul] - [Aug] - [Sep] - [Oct] - [Nov] - [Dec]

2012: [Jan] - [Feb] - [Mar] - [Apr] - [May] - [Jun] - [Jul] - [Aug] - [Sep] - [Oct] - [Nov] - [Dec]

2013: [Jan] - [Feb] - [Mar] - [Apr] - [May] - [Jun] - [Jul] - [Aug] - [Sep] - [Oct] - [Nov] - [Dec]

2014: [Jan] - [Feb] - [Mar] - [Apr] - [May] - [Jun] - [Jul] - [Aug] - [Sep] - [Oct] - [Nov] - [Dec]

2015: [Jan] - [Feb] - [Mar] - [Apr] - [May] - [Jun] - [Jul] - [Aug] - [Sep] - [Oct] - [Nov] - [Dec]

2016: [Jan] - [Feb] - [Mar] - [Apr] - [May] - [Jun] - [Jul] - [Aug] - [Sep] - [Oct] - [Nov] - [Dec]

2017: [Jan]

Endless Mike fucked around with this message at 01:18 on Jul 25, 2018

# ? Jan 1, 2018 23:46

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 13:01

Synthbuttrange: May 6, 2007

Ah fresh new thread smell. *bricks fall*

Also a link to the previous thread in there so we can see people lose their minds following the Ant-Man, Rocket Raccoon and Mole Man arcs. https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3789826

PAST HIGHLIGHTS:

Synthbuttrange fucked around with this message at 09:24 on Oct 11, 2022

# ? Jan 1, 2018 23:53

Evrart Claire: Jan 11, 2008

Synthbuttrange posted:

Ah fresh new thread smell. *bricks fall*

Also shove a link to the previous thread in there so we can see people lose their minds following the Ant-Man, Rocket Raccoon and Mole Man arcs.

Ant Man and space son arcs were great but I don't think anything broke my brain reading it more than how they lured away the armadillo monster.

# ? Jan 2, 2018 00:22

Synthbuttrange: May 6, 2007

Its either that or the fact that the fountain of youth had a giant bathplug

# ? Jan 2, 2018 00:25

gimme the GOD DAMN candy: Jul 1, 2007

having rocket fight a coyote for the privilege of eating out of a trash can is the definitive take on the character, and perhaps all characters in all works of fiction.

# ? Jan 2, 2018 01:01

Evrart Claire: Jan 11, 2008

Peter's deadeyed stare as he pulls Rocket back into the motel room, and father and son flexing together were great too.

# ? Jan 2, 2018 01:06

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

I'm still curious how Peter plans to get Connors out of a swamp. It would be far more dramatic for them to induce the Hulk knowing he isn't trustworthy but is still their best chance of getting Connors to help in time.

Then again these are all crazy people who put themselves in the middle of the Everglades for no real reason.

# ? Jan 2, 2018 01:25

Jerusalem: May 20, 2004; Would you be my new best friends?

Zerilan posted:

Peter's deadeyed stare as he pulls Rocket back into the motel room, and father and son flexing together were great too.

Rocket convincing Peter they hadn't just murdered Ronan and stuffed his (possibly) dismembered corpse into Rocket's ship were also highlights. God I loved that entire storyline.

# ? Jan 2, 2018 01:32

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

I hope they get attacked by another snake, IMO.

# ? Jan 2, 2018 01:53

gimme the GOD DAMN candy: Jul 1, 2007

mind the walrus posted:

I'm still curious how Peter plans to get Connors out of a swamp. It would be far more dramatic for them to induce the Hulk knowing he isn't trustworthy but is still their best chance of getting Connors to help in time.

Then again these are all crazy people who put themselves in the middle of the Everglades for no real reason.

they are already at the dock. they just assumed that an ambulance would not be available despite never actually calling emergency services.

# ? Jan 2, 2018 02:17

Jerusalem: May 20, 2004; Would you be my new best friends?

EorayMel posted:

I hope they get attacked by another snake, IMO.

The appearance of Curt Connors and The Hulk just being a precursor to the return of The Serpent Society would be right up this beautiful strip's alley.

# ? Jan 2, 2018 02:39

Chinston Wurchill: Jun 27, 2010; It's not that kind of test.

2017 was a roller coaster of a year with a whole lot of lows, but at least we could always trust NSM to provide wacky daily entertainment. Here's hoping for more of the same in 2018!

# ? Jan 2, 2018 02:46

Push El Burrito: May 9, 2006; Soiled Meat

I hope Pete has swung halfway across Miami before realizing he's carrying a fully enraged Hulk and not Curt.

# ? Jan 2, 2018 03:23

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

I would settle for Lizard

# ? Jan 2, 2018 03:24

Evrart Claire: Jan 11, 2008

Jerusalem posted:

Rocket convincing Peter they hadn't just murdered Ronan and stuffed his (possibly) dismembered corpse into Rocket's ship were also highlights. God I loved that entire storyline.

My favorite single panel is still Ronan just vacuuming up all the food.

# ? Jan 2, 2018 03:33

Lurdiak: Feb 26, 2006; I believe in a universe that doesn't care, and people that do.

Where are all the highlights.

# ? Jan 2, 2018 03:55

bobkatt013: Oct 8, 2006; Youâre telling me Peter Parker is ...... Spider-man!?

EorayMel posted:

I hope they get attacked by another snake, IMO.

Watch out for snakes

# ? Jan 2, 2018 04:00

I AM GRANDO: Aug 20, 2006

So did Aunt May�s frustrated near-marriage to Mole Man reference the other time she almost married him? That was only five or six years ago, I think.

# ? Jan 2, 2018 04:08

Synthbuttrange: May 6, 2007

business hammocks posted:

So did Aunt May�s frustrated near-marriage to Mole Man reference the other time she almost married him? That was only five or six years ago, I think.

Yes that's exactly why they decided to get hitched again since he was exiled to the surface this time.

# ? Jan 2, 2018 04:09

Murdstone: Jun 14, 2005; I'm feeling Jimmy

Lurdiak posted:

Where are all the highlights.

# ? Jan 2, 2018 05:41

Proteus Jones: Feb 28, 2013

Synthbuttrange posted:

Yes that's exactly why they decided to get hitched again since he was exiled to the surface this time.

Wasn't it the same drat priest, too?

# ? Jan 2, 2018 05:50

Otherkinsey Scale: Jul 17, 2012; Just a little bit of sunshine!

Lurdiak posted:

Where are all the highlights.

Hey wizard taking a selfie, how come you're not in the OP?

# ? Jan 2, 2018 05:50

David D. Davidson: Nov 17, 2012; Orca lady?

Proteus Jones posted:

Wasn't it the same drat priest, too?

Yes, yes it was.

# ? Jan 2, 2018 05:51

Synthbuttrange: May 6, 2007

Lurdiak posted:

Where are all the highlights.

Edited into the second post!

# ? Jan 2, 2018 07:23

DACK FAYDEN: Feb 25, 2013; Bear Witness

I do appreciate that Bruce Banner has enough brains to figure out that Spider-Man did not, in fact, throw Peter Parker off the tiny little boat. Like, by newspaperverse standards, yeah, super-scientist right there.

# ? Jan 2, 2018 08:08

Lurdiak: Feb 26, 2006; I believe in a universe that doesn't care, and people that do.

Synthbuttrange posted:

Edited into the second post!

That's pretty good, but I would suggest adding Ronan's hammer eating a sandwich.

# ? Jan 2, 2018 08:22

Evrart Claire: Jan 11, 2008

Really every page of Ronan/Rocket arc could be a highlight.

Also every strip of mole man just frowning while Peter says something stupid.

# ? Jan 2, 2018 09:02

Mierenneuker: Apr 28, 2010; We're all going to experience changes in our life but only the best of us will qualify for front row seats.

Endless Mike posted:

It's run in a serial format, so every day matters!

This is a blatant lie brought into the world by the weekday artist, who is clearly jealous of the skilled (and handsome) weekend artist.

# ? Jan 2, 2018 10:40

Elfface: Nov 14, 2010; Da-na-na-na-na-na-na
IRON JONAH

Have another highlight from the high-point of 2017 - Spider-Man's cameo in the Heroic Adventures Of Mole-Man

# ? Jan 2, 2018 12:11

The Unfetered One: May 31, 2011; by Lowtax

The two panels of Spidey and Ant-Man on the subway set weeks apart from each other (reader time) will never not be funny

# ? Jan 2, 2018 12:27

The MSJ: May 17, 2010

If I have the money, I want to buy prints of these from Comics Kingdom.

# ? Jan 2, 2018 12:41

Endless Mike: Aug 13, 2003

Pretty much every Rocket reaction panel is fantastic.

Also I realized it's been over a year since they were in New York.

# ? Jan 2, 2018 14:34

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

Elfface posted:

Have another highlight from the high-point of 2017 - Spider-Man's cameo in the Heroic Adventures Of Mole-Man

I had forgotten. Jesus Peter really is legitimately stupid.

# ? Jan 2, 2018 15:50

Proteus Jones: Feb 28, 2013

Elfface posted:

Have another highlight from the high-point of 2017 - Spider-Man's cameo in the Heroic Adventures Of Mole-Man

It's like a child hiding behind a curtain, not realizing their feet are sticking out.

# ? Jan 2, 2018 18:04

Mikl: Nov 8, 2009; Vote shit sandwich or the shit sandwich gets it!

My favourite pair of strips will forever be during the Ant-Man storyline in 2016.

Peter and Ant-Man (Scott Lang) meet up, compare notes, and realise oh no! The bad guy's gonna kill Hank Pym! We have to go ask JJJ where the bad guy is!

And then, after they beat the bad guy, everything's fine! ...Except they're still in the middle of Bumfuck Nowhere, New Jersey.

# ? Jan 2, 2018 19:03

SilverSupernova: Feb 1, 2013

Time for the highlights from the thread during the Rocket Raccoon arc.

EDIT: I'm just going to go ahead and edit this post to put gems from this thread on the first page.

Daeren posted:

I call it the Herpetologist's Apprentice.

SilverSupernova fucked around with this message at 17:10 on Feb 22, 2018

# ? Jan 2, 2018 19:14

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

Endless Mike posted:

Also I realized it's been over a year since they were in New York.

They're going to spend so long traveling the country the writers themselves will forget where they're supposed to live.

And it's not from a recent arc, but I think this strip perfectly encapsulates the spirit of NSM: