Star Citizen: Death of a Space Thread?

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > Star Citizen: Death of a Space Thread?

Dusty Lens: Jul 1, 2015; All Glory unto the Stimpire. Give up your arms and legs and embrace the beautiful agony of electricity that doubles in pain every second.

Galarox posted:

:Caught up with the thread gif: Also I am taking requests

I love old American voting propaganda art like Triumph of the Deputies but they're always so drat busy that I don't know if they make particularly good templates for this sort of thing.

# ? Jan 10, 2018 07:10

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 15:46

iospace: Jan 19, 2038

You can do anything at ZOMBO COM

# ? Jan 10, 2018 07:11

Hobold: Jan 10, 2012; I love my Cutlass
I love big stompy mechs
I love my HOTAS
I love to salvage wrecks
I love Star Citizen, and all it's craziness
GOONDEYADA, GOONDEYADA, GOONDEYADA; College Slice

juggalo baby coffin posted:

zombo (zombo is now less funny because it had donald trump as president to show how nightmarish the future world of zombo was)

Zombo called it?

# ? Jan 10, 2018 07:20

Experimental Skin: Apr 16, 2016

SelenicMartian posted:

Cossacks write a reply to Crytek's filing.

Weren't their transcripts shown to be heavily sanitized and massively inaccurate?

"Unnnhhh, and, ahhhhh, ummmmm, yeah, and, you know aahhhhh, it's possible we will at some stage, ahhhh, well very likely you know ahhh."="Yes."

# ? Jan 10, 2018 07:50

Incitatus: Dec 16, 2005; The Meat Man was out of wings, Mr. William Ash More!

Why doesn't Sandi's IMDB have her KFC commercial credit listed?

# ? Jan 10, 2018 07:52

Abuminable: Mar 30, 2017; Now, aside from the Abuminable, business goes on as usual.

Incitatus posted:

Why doesn't Sandi's IMDB have her KFC commercial credit listed?

Maybe she's not proud of it since her performance was less than finger-lickin' good.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MThZTUE7zGg

Abuminable fucked around with this message at 08:17 on Jan 10, 2018

# ? Jan 10, 2018 08:14

Ponzi: Feb 21, 2016; DEPORTED FROM FLAVOR TOWN

ICSA 67 LOSER; Fun Shoe

Abuminable posted:

Maybe she's not proud of it since her performance was less than finger-lickin' good.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MThZTUE7zGg

Nah. If that was the case, her IMDB profile would be empty.

# ? Jan 10, 2018 08:38

SomethingJones: Mar 6, 2016; <3

Galarox posted:

Dammit - no-one got my "Gnother Gnu" reference. Oh well. One lives in hope. Hope of goons realising that Judge dredd is the greatest comic book chracter ever and that part of his vibe is that you never get to see his face. Hope that goons realise that CIG are the best company ever and that Star Citizen is the game to end all games. Hope that a pint of milk will only cost 50 pence (that's 75 cents) for american goons. And ofc hope that you all call your parents. NN. Pshops will be posted tomorrow from the ideas posted today.

Judge Dredd In The Bath is one of my favourite one off stories, it is pure Dredd and still sticks in my mind today. The Ballad of Halo Jones however is my very favourite 2000AD full length story of all time, epic, genius stuff from Alan Moore with the quirky art of Ian Gibson.

I rebought it recently when taking my nephew to his first comicbook shop, couldn't believe all the classic 80s 2000ad stuff is still in print in graphic novel formats.

# ? Jan 10, 2018 09:03

SelenicMartian: Sep 14, 2013; Sometimes it's not the bomb that's retarded.

Sandi almost made a career putting things in her mouth.

# ? Jan 10, 2018 09:03

Incitatus: Dec 16, 2005; The Meat Man was out of wings, Mr. William Ash More!

SelenicMartian posted:

Sandi almost made a career putting things in her mouth.

TURN LEFT THREAD! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

# ? Jan 10, 2018 09:07

Raskolnikov: Nov 25, 2003

Chris Robert's sex life

# ? Jan 10, 2018 09:16

Raskolnikov: Nov 25, 2003

Toasts adventures with proper gentlemen callers

# ? Jan 10, 2018 09:17

orcane: Jun 13, 2012; Fun Shoe

Derek you have fans among EVE vets slash SC cultists:

How can you possibly sleep at night, you monster. Also apparently you're banned.

# ? Jan 10, 2018 09:17

SomethingJones: Mar 6, 2016; <3

SelenicMartian posted:

Cossacks write a reply to Crytek's filing.

Weren't their transcripts shown to be heavily sanitized and massively inaccurate?

They did tl;dr transcripts that literally changed what was being said.

I did a few effortposts comparing their transcripts to my own word for word stuff and the game was up. Derek tweeted the side by side comparisons to much hilarity.

After that they took down the little notice on their transcriptions page that said "we are second in knowledge only to the devs" and replaced it with a disclaimer saying "transcripts are not guaranteed to be 100% accurate" which I believe is still there.

It was blatant stuff like "we are not at a stage to do weather systems yet" became "yes weather systems are coming"

It was all screenshotted, archived, posted, tweeted and then forgotten as soon as another scam/fuckup happened.

e: I am confuse, I'm talking about INN here

SomethingJones fucked around with this message at 12:52 on Jan 10, 2018

# ? Jan 10, 2018 09:18

Raskolnikov: Nov 25, 2003

YouTube commentator's sexual misadventures

# ? Jan 10, 2018 09:18

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

Star Citizen is an embarrassing sham

sent from my Nexus 5X using Tapatalk

# ? Jan 10, 2018 09:24

Orange Carlisle: Jul 14, 2007

Demolition Man is really fuckin' good.

# ? Jan 10, 2018 09:26

Martman: Nov 20, 2006

Really says something about your character when you get banned from Something Awful.

The site where the admin randomly makes lottery threads where participation means a 30% chance of getting banned.

# ? Jan 10, 2018 09:49

G0RF: Mar 19, 2015; Some galactic defender you are, Space Cadet.

EUROGAMER: Star Citizen, I am Disappointed

Oh hey, finally a news story not harping on the latest lawsuit development. Don�t these clickbaiters realize there is a GAME being made here?

Oh wait... Oh no...

Oh :chanpop:

There are so many fair-minded complaints in this write up of 3.0 that to bold them all would make for an ugly sight. It�s the first time in a long time a major outlet has written an actual review of the game as playable, and man, it�s not pretty.

quote:

Star Citizen, I am disappointed

A space time conundrum.

By Robert Purchese
Published 10/01/2018

A space time conundrum.

Star Citizen is a bit like an Instagram account: what you see looks amazing but the reality is hollow. As it stands, at major milestone alpha 3.0, Star Citizen does not convince as a game. But as a picture-postcard-maker - as a demonstration of technology - it's virtually peerless. Standing on top of a canyon on a dusty, windswept planet, looking up at the suns and moons in the sky and knowing you can fly up to them is hair-raisingly cool. Knowing when night comes it's because of the rotations and orbits of those same planets, of those same stars, is an awesome feeling. And even though there might only be a handful of planets to touch down on (for now), they are truly massive, taking probable hours to fly around. It's a simulation of the highest detail and largest proportions.

But once you've seen the eye-popping sights, once you've flown down from space onto a planet and then back up again - once you've seen the beautiful Blade Runner hubs with their rebellious posters on murky walls and flickering neon lights - there's little to do. You can buy fancy-looking guns, you can even buy a great big railgun, which charges up and then very satisfyingly unloads, but there's nothing to kill.

Likewise, you can buy various suits of armour off mannequins in shops - one of the game's many lovely flourishes of detail - but there's no real need to other than to look cool, other than to pose for screenshots. Most shops don't have any interactive stock and so, like the hubs and the universe around them, they contribute to the feeling of touring a giant Hollywood set: all front and no substance.

There are a handful of missions to run, but they're tepid and boring. One, for instance, is an off-the-books private investigation which, admirably, can go either way depending on the evidence you find. You are to search an eerily quiet, abandoned comms station to get to the truth. It sounds OK, doesn't it? But there's no excitement, just a few computer terminals and panels to interact with. No threat, no danger, just a mission to solve an insurance claim of all things. Then it bugged and I couldn't complete it as intended. It was all so typically Star Citizen.

Even the spaceship dogfights struggled to impress me, owing to a distinct lack of heft from the available weaponry, which feels tinny and machinegun-y rather than thumping and deadly, like a Star Wars laser cannon - and more or less the same as when I last played Star Citizen two years ago.

But that's OK, right? This is early access and all we expect is a working core, really, with some taster content around it - enough to prove the concept and excite us like PlayerUnknown's Battlegrounds did, or any number of other early access games.

I realise that Star Citizen's professions - careers to pursue, such as salvaging, smuggling, bounty hunting and so on - are still to come, like so much else. Besides, this is a sandbox where we're supposed to make our own fun. Forget about all the buckets and spades which aren't there and concentrate on simply enjoying the sand with friends. But the problem is, you can't - you can't enjoy it. And this is the game's biggest crime.

Star Citizen is a game about spaceships - it sells them to players for hundreds of dollars, for crying out loud. These are the creations it revels in and celebrates. You can see it in the wonderful animation each spaceship has for climbing into its cockpit, and you can see it in the way each craft buzzes to life as power courses through it. They're beautiful machines - and for that money, they ought to be. But the game can't keep up with them. What is the point of owning a Lamborghini if you live in a neighbourhood with speed bumps and a 20mph speed limit?

Simply put, Star Citizen has a frame-rate issue so bad it ruins everything. It's not a client-side problem, because there are glimpses of 60 frames per second when servers are fresh and populations low, but it's something to do with the net code. What it means is that you're unlikely to ever see more than 20 frames per second regardless of graphics settings, regardless of PC (within reason), and usually you'll hover around 15 frames per second.

What good is having a futuristic marvel of a machine if you can't feel the thrill of piercing a planet's atmosphere and roaring along the canyons below, buzzing the proverbial towers? Furthermore, what good are panels to turn things on and off, or exit vehicles, if the choppy frame rate makes it an ordeal targeting them? I was genuinely stuck in the passenger seat of a buggy for this reason - a buggy ride that would have been gawp-inducing if we had witnessed it at anything more than a slideshow. I had one glorious glimpse of 60 frames per second but within 10 minutes the server had reverted to headache-land.

Star Citizen alpha 3.0 was supposed to show the world what this game was all about, to prove the concept - that's what all the delays were in aid of. Why take so long and then shoot yourself in the foot? And we're not even talking massively multiplayer yet - we're talking servers struggling under the strain of 50 people.

It feels petty to slam a game in alpha, in early access, for performance issues. Yet in Star Citizen's mega-profile case it feels so indicative of the story so far: unfulfilled promise(s). 'Trust us,' say Roberts Space Industries, 'we're building something spectacular and it takes time.' But how much more time will it take before what is spectacular actually becomes fun to play? And how much trust is left? When I hear a friend of mine, my Star Citizen tour guide, my expert on hand, who's into the game for hundreds of pounds, talk about reining in Chris Roberts, it makes me wonder.

Star Citizen remains a tantalising prospect, and a controversial one. Perhaps the solutions I am after are right around the corner, mere moments away. Perhaps the core is inches from completion and content will soon be piped in willy-nilly and with joyous abandon, and the dream realised. Or perhaps we will be here a year from now, still stewing over the same issues. I, like many others, was led to believe alpha 3.0 would be the turning point, but what I see is an ever-growing mountain to climb, and my hope wanes.

Star Citizen, I am disappointed.

# ? Jan 10, 2018 10:01

no_recall: Aug 17, 2015; Lipstick Apathy

Hey DS, you said you were porting your game to UE4 right?

Any screenshots to share?

# ? Jan 10, 2018 10:04

AP: Jul 12, 2004; One Ring to fool them all
One Ring to find them
One Ring to milk them all
and pockets fully line them; Grimey Drawer

G0RF posted:

EUROGAMER: Star Citizen, I am Disappointed

# ? Jan 10, 2018 10:04

no_recall: Aug 17, 2015; Lipstick Apathy

Star Citizen: I am disappointed.

# ? Jan 10, 2018 10:06

Martman: Nov 20, 2006

quote:

Star Citizen, I am disappointed

A space time conundrum.

By Robert Purchese
Published 10/01/2018

Obvious FUD. I mean, it claims to have been published in the future... do they think we're stupid??

# ? Jan 10, 2018 10:13

tooterfish: Jul 13, 2013

Martman posted:

Obvious FUD. I mean, it claims to have been published in the future... do they think we're stupid??

Today I learned I'm living in the future!

Hey guys, I don't want to sound alarmist but in the future Donald Trump is President of the United States and he spends his time bragging about the size of his nuclear button on Twitter.

No one will believe me. I feel like I'm in Twelve Monkeys. Help!

# ? Jan 10, 2018 10:17

no_recall: Aug 17, 2015; Lipstick Apathy

Martman posted:

Obvious FUD. I mean, it claims to have been published in the future... do they think we're stupid??

Its been the 10th over on my side of the world for some time now.

# ? Jan 10, 2018 10:18

AP: Jul 12, 2004; One Ring to fool them all
One Ring to find them
One Ring to milk them all
and pockets fully line them; Grimey Drawer

https://twitter.com/BenParfitt/status/951019960251371521

# ? Jan 10, 2018 10:23

Martman: Nov 20, 2006

I'll let the Stimpire get their grubby paws on my skeleton before I list days first in dates.

# ? Jan 10, 2018 10:24

TheLastRoboKy: May 2, 2009; Finishing the game with everyone else's continues

It's really weird how with all the quoting of the motion to dismiss no one talked about this part at the beginning of the response:

quote:

I write DEMANDING a dismissal of my worse-than-lowest Worst Kind Of Stimpire Crytek Civil Suit which case was in your farce Worst Kind Of Stimpire ghetto-Xi'an Stimpire Something Awful-manipulated Stimpire Court! Below, I state some of the many REASONS for said dismissal, plus all of my evidence the law firm Skadden chicanerously forwarded to the court for prosecution of felon Stimpire Stimpirical Goonish the GOON Derek Smart - a Stimpire blogger, therefore de-skeletonizable! The blogging menial Goonish-in-apperance-and-demeanor felon vicious Parroting Puppet ex Game Developer with NO private law experience, DETESTED by all factions. In spite of this, SOLELY because of his many year secret Stimpireization and crucifixion of ME, this Goonish low Stimpirical Worst Kind Of GOON Derek Smart was then IMMEDIATELY and UNPRECEDENTEDLY and REPEATEDLY rapidly CALLING IT - in spite of TREMENDOUS opposition - to the present position of second highest state bloggership SOLELY through Stimpire Something Awful manipulation!

Seems a bit unprofessional.

# ? Jan 10, 2018 10:29

dogboy: Jul 21, 2009; hurr; Grimey Drawer

alf_pogs posted:

if you have to choose between Demolition Man and Dredd 95, go with Demolition Man. there are some good funny times in that film

Demolition Man was a pretty good movie and it is aging really well, too.

Also a little 9th feb preview: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ueYUwcZV-n0

# ? Jan 10, 2018 10:29

MedicineHut: Feb 25, 2016

G0RF posted:

EUROGAMER: Star Citizen, I am Disappointed

Oh hey, finally a news story not harping on the latest lawsuit development. Don�t these clickbaiters realize there is a GAME being made here?

Oh wait... Oh no...

Oh

There are so many fair-minded complaints in this write up of 3.0 that to bold them all would make for an ugly sight. It�s the first time in a long time a major outlet has written an actual review of the game as playable, and man, it�s not pretty.

Robert Purchese obviously loving wished his name was Roberts and he doesn�t fcking know a think about game development. Plus, it �s loving Alpha you shithead.

# ? Jan 10, 2018 10:30

Aramoro: Jun 1, 2012

Galarox posted:

Seriously Goons - if you haven't watched this please watch it. I posted the link earler ITT but it is a must watch. It's all about how the media creates a boogeyman and when this was originaly broadcast the media in the UK got that, and got that it was a serious attack on them and their methods (while largely the public did not), so they attacked it in the most savage manner possible demanding Chris Morris's (the guy behind it) head. It remains for me, one of the great indictments of the media treatment of any subject in this or any age. PS: All the vox pops in it are (then) UK celebs who were handed a sheet of paper and asked to read, to camera, what was on said sheet of paper. None of them even questioned what they were reading. Which was just a small part of Morris's genius and point.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RcU7FaEEzNU

In the Drugs Episode they got various people to talk about Cake 'A Made up drug with real world consequences' was the tag line for it, something like that. One of them was David Amess MP who went on to ask a question about it in Parliament and the Home Office even came up with the chemical name for Cake (3,4-methylenedioxy-N-benzylamphetamine). He was later put in charge of chairing the committee looking at the governments drug policy. Cake works on the Shatner's Bassoon in your brain, making it's especially dangerous.

# ? Jan 10, 2018 10:38

ScoreLord: Nov 11, 2017

Judge Dredd was co-created by artist Carlos Ezquerra, who grew up in Spain under the rule of General Franco. It was Ezquerra's idea that you never see Dredd's face, because fascism is faceless.

# ? Jan 10, 2018 10:50

Mu77ley: Oct 14, 2016

I don't know about you lot, but I'm hoping we get to see Crobbers take the stand:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rF8-Ess4oxg

Mu77ley fucked around with this message at 11:31 on Jan 10, 2018

# ? Jan 10, 2018 10:54

Mu77ley: Oct 14, 2016

xiansi posted:

It's not fantastic, but it's as good as we're probably going to get, and Karl Urban is proper Dredd.

There's a TV series in the works now as well, with Karl Urban in discussions with them about reprising his role.

# ? Jan 10, 2018 11:00

CrazyLoon: Aug 10, 2015; "..."

alf_pogs posted:

if you have to choose between Demolition Man and Dredd 95, go with Demolition Man. there are some good funny times in that film

Honestly feel like Wesley Snipes provides the majority of them tho, rather than Stallone.

# ? Jan 10, 2018 11:14

Abuminable: Mar 30, 2017; Now, aside from the Abuminable, business goes on as usual.

tooterfish posted:

Hey guys, I don't want to sound alarmist but in the future Donald Trump is President of the United States and he spends his time bragging about the size of his nuclear button on Twitter.

No worries, bro. The future is saved.

Reuters: South Korea's Moon says Trump deserves 'big' credit for North Korea talks

# ? Jan 10, 2018 11:14

TheLastRoboKy: May 2, 2009; Finishing the game with everyone else's continues

Abuminable posted:

No worries, bro. The future is saved.

Reuters: South Korea's Moon says Trump deserves 'big' credit for North Korea talks

Even in Korean negotiations:

- MOON

# ? Jan 10, 2018 11:18

Sunswipe: Feb 5, 2016; by Fluffdaddy

CrazyLoon posted:

Honestly feel like Wesley Snipes provides the majority of them tho, rather than Stallone.

Reminds me of biscuits and gravy.

# ? Jan 10, 2018 11:21

Abuminable: Mar 30, 2017; Now, aside from the Abuminable, business goes on as usual.

TheLastRoboKy posted:

Even in Korean negotiations:

- MOON

# ? Jan 10, 2018 11:21

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 15:46

mjotto: Nov 8, 2017

no_recall posted:

Star Citizen: I am disappointed.

Wasn't there a guy called Derek who called it?

# ? Jan 10, 2018 12:23

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