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Kashuno posted:Short Texas Jokes Q. What's the difference between a University of Houston sorority sister and a scarecrow? A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals. Q: What's the only thing that grows in Austin? A: The Crime Rate! Q: What's the only thing that grows in Arlington? A: The swelling from your head from getting jacked! Q: Why do University of Houston grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards? A: So they can park in handicap spaces. Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Houston campus? A: A visitor. Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the Texas Tech University library? A: Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours. Why was the delegation from the Dallas Dyslexic Republican Association turned away from the Republican National Convention? Their placard read: 'We love Taxes'. Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Texas's football dorm that destroyed 20 books? A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet. Q: What does the average Texas Tech University student get on his SAT? A: Drool. Q: Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in Texas? A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin. Q: Why did Forrest Gump choose 'Bama over UT? A: He wanted an academic challenge! Q: Why are there so many unsolved murders in Texas? A: There are no dental records and everyone has the same DNA Q: How many Texas Tech freshman does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, it's a sophomore course. Q: What does a Red Raiders grad call a Longhorns grad in 5 years? A: Boss! I'm not saying Baylor basketball players are dumb, but the coach is dressing six players for this Saturdays game. The rest will dress themselves. Q: Why is "The Wave" banned in Jones AT&T Stadium? A: Two Red Raiders fans drowned last year. Q: Why did the Texas regents decide to cover Texas Memorial Stadium in cardboard? A: Because the Longhorns always look better on paper. Q: What happens when blondes move from Louisiana to Texas? A: Both states become smarter! Q: Why aren't UTEP cheerleaders allowed to do the splits? A: They stick to the ground. Q: Why do all the trees in Oklahoma lean south? A: Texas Sucks Q: What does a girl from Austin do if she's not in bed by 10pm? A: Go Home. Q: Why do Texas A&M Aggies basketball players use body heat activated deodorant? A: Because it's the closet they will come to getting a "Degree". Q: Why do Houston Cougars students have such beautiful noses? A: They're hand picked. Q: Why did Texas disband its water polo team? A: All the horses drowned. Q: What's the difference between a North Texas diploma and toilet paper? A: About $50,000 per sheet. Q: What does it say on the back of every North Texas diploma? A: Will Work For Food. Q: Why did the UTEP grad cross the road? A: Better question why is he out of jail? Q: How does a dumb blonde get into college? A: She applies to Texas El Paso. Q: Why did the Longhorns change their uniforms to Orange? A: So they can play the game, direct traffic, and pick up trash without changing. Q: What's the one thing that keeps Baylor Bears basketball players from graduating? A: Going to Class. Q: Why did the Longhorns football team cross the road? A: Because it was easier than crossing the goal line. Q: How is a Houston girl different from a bowling ball? A: Sometimes a bowling ball is hard to pick up. Q: What do Longhorns grads use for Birth Control? A: Their personalities. Q: How do you break a North Texas grads finger? A: Punch him in the nose. Q: What do Texans call OPEC? A: Oil Pricing Evil Cartel! Q: How do you get a UTEP fan to laugh all weekend long? A: Tell him a joke Monday morning. Q: Where can you message people while driving? A: Text-us. Q: Why do Red Raiders fans smell so bad? A: So blind people can hate them too. Q: Why did Texas change their field from grass to artificial turf? A: To keep the Longhorns cheerleaders from grazing the field at halftime. Q: Did you hear that 9 out of 10 coeds are good looking? A: The other one goes to North Texas. Q: Whats the difference between El Paso and yogurt? A: Yogurt has an active living culture. Q: Why do the Texas Longhorns eat cereal straight from the box? A: They choke whenever they get near a bowl. Q: What's the difference between Texas Memorial Stadium and a cactus? A: The cactus has its pricks on the outside. Q: What separates a good team from a great team? A: The Oklahoma-Texas border. Q: How do you confuse a North Texas student? A: You can't they were born that way. Q: How do you get from College Station, Texas to Austin, Texas? A: Go west until you smell poo poo and south until you step in it. Q: What will you never hear a North Texas grad say? A: "I have reviewed your application......" Q: How do you make University of Texas cookies? A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours. Q: What is the Texas state slogan? A: Oils Well that ends well. Q: If you have a car containing a Red Raiders wide receiver, a Red Raiders linebacker, and a Red Raiders defensive back, who is driving the car? A: The cop. Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in Texas? A: Placing signs on the animals that kick. Q: How do you casterate an Texas Tech fan? A: Kick his sister in the mouth Q: Why do only 90 percent of Americans feel economic hardship because of $4/gallon gas? A: The other 10 percent live in Texas! Q: Whats the difference between the Texas Longhorns and cheerios? A: One belongs in a bowl. The other doesn't! Q: Why do Texas Tech students have TGIF on their shoes? A: Toes Go In First! Q: What is 20 feet long and has 5 teeth? A: The funnel cake line at the Texas state fair. Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the Baylor Bears campus? A. An undergraduate degree. Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned at the University of Texas? A: They cause too much brain damage! Q: What should you do if you find three University Of Texas football fans buried up to their neck in cement? A: Get more cement. Q: What's the difference between a Texas Longhorns fan and a carp? A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish. Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Texas? A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away. Q. How did the Baylor Bear die from drinking milk? A. The cow fell on him! Q: What is the definition of a Texas virgin? A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers.. Q: What do they call students who go to Texas Tech? A: Rejects from Texas! Q: What does a Baylor Bears fan do when his team has won the BCS championship? A: He turns off the PlayStation 3. Q: What do you call a Baylor Bear in a BCS bowl game? A: A referee. Q: What do Texas and Texas Tech students have in common? A: They both got in to Texas Tech Q: What's the difference between a Texas Tech football player and a dollar? A: You can get four quarters out of a dollar. Q: Did you hear that Texas Tech's football team doesn't have a website? A: They can't string three "Ws" together. Q: How many Texas Tech grads does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man! Q: What are the best four years of an Texas Tech grads life? A: Third grade Q: What does a Texas native and a bottle of beer have in common? A: They're both empty from the neck up. Q: What do tornadoes and graduates from the University of Texas have in common? A: They both end up in trailer parks. Q: What do the University of Texas and pot have in common? A: They both get smoked in bowls! Q. How do they separate the men from the boys in Texas? A. With a restraining order. Q. What's the first thing an Texas girl does when she wakes up in the morning? A. Walks home. Q: What do you call a Texas Tech football player with a championship ring? A: A thief! Q: What is a Longhorns fan's favorite whine? A: "We can't beat Oklahoma." Q: Why does a Longhorns fan pour his cereal on a plate? A: He lost his bowls. Q: How do you stop an Longhorns fan from beating his wife? A: Dress her in Oklahoma Red! Q: What did the Texas female say after sex? A: Get off me Dad, you're crushing my smokes! Q: What is th difference between a bucket of poo poo and a Red Raiders fan? A: The bucket. Q: Why do they not serve ice in drinks at Red Raiders games anymore? A: The student who knew the recipe graduated Q: Why don't girls play hide and seek in Texas? A: No one would look for them. You don't hang Texas boys, Texas boys are well hung Texas, still the only state where you can get a divorce and still be brother and sister! Knock Knock Who's there? Texas! Texas who? Texas are getting higher every year! thank u 4 sourcing ur quotes also same
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Jan 12, 2018 22:10
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Anidav posted:Why are our scum killing themselves so quickly What thread are you reading.
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Jan 12, 2018 22:16
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tpink posted:What thread are you reading. Our scum in the other thread.
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Jan 12, 2018 22:20
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That's why we should have just hammered Birb. Omgs blood is on your hands, bif!!
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Jan 12, 2018 22:22
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If the hammer didn't lock in day actions and battle rosters, then yes it would've been good to lunch Slasher Hawke as soon as possible.
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Jan 12, 2018 22:27
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 Viva Téxas
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Jan 12, 2018 22:29
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busb posted:That's why we should have just hammered Birb. Omgs blood is on your hands, bif!! Ok
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Jan 12, 2018 22:56
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if mgs has taught me anything, its to have the utmost respect for your enemies birb, i salute you, you beauitful shitposter. if the rng was rolled differently, i hoped we couldve been allies. or, perhaps, even friends.
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Jan 12, 2018 23:04
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Final Post Counts for Day 4:  You hammered early, so nobody new is ON NOTICE! Little Mac, Mithross, and Retro Futurist are still ON NOTICE! ~~~  The Texans dragged the thrashing and protesting prisoner into position, tying him tight. He had clearly cracked under the strain of his terrible betrayals being exposed - ranting about who knows what, words tumbling uncontrollably out of his mouth. Ma shrugged nonchalantly, waving them away - high time they actually managed to nail down one of the Mexican spies, thank the good Lord. "Wrap it up, boys. We got more important things to think about than this filthy rotten backstabbin' turncoat!" Just as she turned away, the condemned man suddenly stopped babbling. As his eyes drilled into her, he gave one final wild grin and started laughing. "Got you, one last time." Ma's eyes widened, as she looked past the man to see a slowly-dwindling dustcloud on the horizon - a mounted messenger, riding for all they were worth towards the Mexican camp... quote:All you ever wanted was a family. Your mother told you growing up of how you had had a brother, once upon a time - but something terrible had happened, something nobody would ever talk about, and he was taken away from you never to be seen again. Since then, you've traveled the length, width, and breadth of Texas searching for him in between odd jobs. That's all this latest stint with the State Guard is - another odd job. But maybe.... just maybe this will finally be it? Maybe you'll meet your brother on the battlefield... quote:Buy it once, may as well buy it twice! If it breaks, they've got a replacement! Or if they forgot they bought it in the first place... well, that's where you come in. You'd be surprised how many people are too embarrased to admit their own mistake - even though it wasn't their fault they forgot at ALL. Oh well, more money in your pocket!  SLASHER HAWKE, aka Christobel, Day ability results are being distributed shortly in your sheets (there is a bit of a delay today, sorry!). You will only receive results if you used an ability or if something happened to you. ~~~ BATTLEFIELD: Wild Horse Desert quote:This no-man's land lies just over the Texas border, and served as the safe choice of battlefield for the commanders to test each other's strength in the early days of the war. BATTLE FORMATION pre:TXSG Atomic Soda busb Natural20 flerp Little Mac Prince of Space Hal Incandenza IllegallySober Truth Quark Gamerofthegame GeneX The Lord of Hats DdN Preliminary phase starts now. You have ~7 hours to use Preliminary abilities, until 12 AM EST (midnight) tomorrow. Remember that you can only use Preliminary abilities if in the battle party, unless specifically stated otherwise. Please do not submit Battle abilities at this time.
Podima fucked around with this message at 23:19 on Jan 12, 2018 |
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Jan 12, 2018 23:11
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Wait WHAT.
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Jan 12, 2018 23:12
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uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
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Jan 12, 2018 23:12
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wwwhhhhaaaattttt ttthhhhheeee fffuuuuccccckkkkkkk
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Jan 12, 2018 23:14
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Well. I mean. He is Ocelot.
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Jan 12, 2018 23:16
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Hahahahaha OMG was town too. I love these guys 
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Jan 12, 2018 23:17
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 A minor error in the flip and flavor has been corrected.
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Jan 12, 2018 23:18
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i hate you
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Jan 12, 2018 23:18
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that was literally my worst nightmare
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Jan 12, 2018 23:20
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Awwww. Masterful.
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Jan 12, 2018 23:23
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One big thing that pinged me on RF is that he said he generates Shine, but the other thread had a Scum-Shiner so I assumed we would. That... turned out to be Hawke, so hmm.
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Jan 12, 2018 23:25
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pretty decent lineup, someone else bring the hurts please, and make sure flerp lives.
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Jan 12, 2018 23:32
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i hope u r feeling okay bif 
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Jan 12, 2018 23:33
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we got this
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Jan 12, 2018 23:33
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tobbs i swear to god im going to write rude things about you in the bathroom stall if you dont stop threatening me
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Jan 12, 2018 23:37
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Podima posted:BATTLEFIELD: Wild Horse Desert Guys, just a quick heads up when choosing targets: The front line is yet again King Burgerdee's top 3 suss list.
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Jan 12, 2018 23:46
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drat mexicans trying to scare me off. doesnt matter, it's a fool's errand to try and stop me.
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Jan 12, 2018 23:46
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flerp posted:drat mexicans trying to scare me off. doesnt matter, it's a fool's errand to try and stop me. 
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Jan 12, 2018 23:47
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Prince of Space posted:Guys, just a quick heads up when choosing targets: Are you implying I shouldn't brutally murder them?
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Jan 12, 2018 23:49
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Little Mac posted:One big thing that pinged me on RF is that he said he generates Shine, but the other thread had a Scum-Shiner so I assumed we would. That... turned out to be Hawke, so hmm. I don't generate it, I can give one away as a OPG action
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Jan 12, 2018 23:51
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My action succeeded.
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Jan 12, 2018 23:53
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TMMadman posted:Let it be known that birb is a true Diamond Dog! FUUUUUUUCK. NEXT TIME I SEE YOU, YOURE A DEAD MAN!!!!
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Jan 12, 2018 23:57
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I’m healed and also no longer poisoned!
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Jan 12, 2018 23:58
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Venom Soag posted:FUUUUUUUCK. NEXT TIME I SEE YOU, YOURE A DEAD MAN!!!! You mean you'll be meetin' each other in Mexican heaven? 
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Jan 12, 2018 23:59
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Venom Soag posted:I’m healed and also no longer poisoned! Natural 20? Health and poison status?
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Jan 13, 2018 00:00
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Also drat Bif, Mac gets to be in battle and I'm still not? Ice cold.
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Jan 13, 2018 00:01
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Little Mac posted:Are you implying I shouldn't brutally murder them? No, never. Death to all Mexicans, in my humble opinon.
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Jan 13, 2018 00:02
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look at those idiots in th eother thread that think scum dying in soldiers games have never given their thread messages before
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Jan 13, 2018 00:04
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Venom Soag posted:FUUUUUUUCK. NEXT TIME I SEE YOU, YOURE A DEAD MAN!!!! Laying it on a bit thick there mate :/
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Jan 13, 2018 00:09
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busb posted:look at those idiots in th eother thread that think scum dying in soldiers games have never given their thread messages before Lol hell I did that once in FF4 just to the opposing scum team even
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Jan 13, 2018 00:10
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Prince of Space posted:Natural 20? Health and poison status? Not disclosing
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Jan 13, 2018 00:10
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Retro Futurist posted:Also drat Bif, Mac gets to be in battle and I'm still not? Ice cold. Just like my beloved Jeabus' body
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Jan 13, 2018 00:10
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