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Julius CSAR
Oct 3, 2007

by sebmojo

Imperialist Dog posted:

(mumble) I said, DO YOU HAVE STAIRS IN YOUR HOUSE

hehe

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Jack Trades
Nov 30, 2010

I think we should open our relationship.

goethe.cx
Apr 23, 2014


i pee on you when we shower together

Blue Raider
Sep 2, 2006

the cops are here ill call you later

Julius CSAR
Oct 3, 2007

by sebmojo
Would you like to see my homebuilt submarine?

Blue Raider
Sep 2, 2006

ikanreed posted:

If you leave me I'll kill myself.

Repeat until they want you dead

immediately leaves

Edgar Allan Pwned
Apr 4, 2011

Quoth the Raven "I love the power glove. It's so bad..."
look my phone told me a ballistic missile is coming and only i can really fit in this fridge so look the sex wasnt that great anyways i hope death isn't too painful.

*throws food out, crawls in fridge and waits 30 min*

tough stains
May 23, 2007

Desire gets the upper hand over insight and foresight and the results are often needless entanglement.
Talaq talaq talaq works fine every time

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004

Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die
Nap Ghost
I'm sorry, but I can't allow my umami chakra to be influenced by your yin-type qi.

Kak
Sep 27, 2002
edit: nevermind that was loving terrible

Kak fucked around with this message at 03:28 on Jan 14, 2018

Casimir Radon
Aug 2, 2008


I understand. I hate me too.

Ponies Ist Krieg
Dec 10, 2017

Here's a real one that's funny in retrospect. The day after my birthday I go down to celebrate it with someone I was dating a little bit away. Anyway things are fine blah blah blah, than I hear the words "we need to talk" and Immediately know what's up.
At first they wouldn't tell me why they wanted to break up with me, but I, being a idiot decided to state that I was a adult and could handle it.
"I'm not attracted to you"
I didn't handle It well, obviously and broke down in the parking lot. Then when I got home I slashed my arms up a bunch and texted them photos. Don't date me, I'm completely insane, lol.

Streak
May 16, 2004

by Nyc_Tattoo

Ponies Ist Krieg posted:

Here's a real one that's funny in retrospect. The day after my birthday I go down to celebrate it with someone I was dating a little bit away. Anyway things are fine blah blah blah, than I hear the words "we need to talk" and Immediately know what's up.
At first they wouldn't tell me why they wanted to break up with me, but I, being a idiot decided to state that I was a adult and could handle it.
"I'm not attracted to you"
I didn't handle It well, obviously and broke down in the parking lot. Then when I got home I slashed my arms up a bunch and texted them photos. Don't date me, I'm completely insane, lol.

Wasn't going to

bag em and tag em
Nov 4, 2008
Let's have sex. With other people. and also do various couples activities with those other people, and not with each other anymore.

Ponies Ist Krieg
Dec 10, 2017

Streak posted:

Wasn't going to

can I have a lock of your hair

kalel
Jun 19, 2012

Dolphin posted:

I'm gonna give you up, let you down, run around and desert you, make you cry, say goodbye, and hurt you.

Oooh, so close.

kalel
Jun 19, 2012

SciFiDownBeat posted:

Oooh, so close.

Also this is my breakup one-liner

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO
Feb 28, 1985


Tinfoil Papercut posted:

"I love you"

(said 12 minutes into 2nd date)

Don't do what I did once and ignore this Red flag.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost
I just can't be with someone unless I'm the biggest they've ever had and they've dated enough men to appreciate the fact.

Ponies Ist Krieg
Dec 10, 2017

I usually confess love on the first date, on the second date i bring them a pair of simulacrums of us together from items I've gathered from their relatives or close friends house under the cover of night.
sometimes i just like to sneak in and lay under their beds without them knowing.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost
I flick my cigarette into his face and say "have a nice life, prick."

Icochet
Mar 18, 2008

I have a very small TV. Don't make fun of it! Please don't shame it like that~

Grimey Drawer
I just can't get over the fact that you used to date Hitler.

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD
Jan 21, 2007

Smokebomb!!!

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost
I just can't be with someone who doesn't "get" Archer. (used this one for real)

mind the walrus
Sep 22, 2006

'Do you know what happens to our relationship when we break up?'

*makes lightning noises with mouth*

'The same thing that happens to everything else.'

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD
Jan 21, 2007

Applewhite posted:

I just can't be with someone who doesn't "get" Archer. (used this one for real)

Do your partners know about your shameful online past

GORILLA BASTARD
Jun 20, 2005

by LITERALLY AN ADMIN
"You refuse to peg me"

Had that backfire on me twice.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

SCROTO TURBOSPERG posted:

Do your partners know about your shameful online past

My wife is reading all my posts over my shoulder as we speak.

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD
Jan 21, 2007

Applewhite posted:

My wife is reading all my posts over my shoulder as we speak.



StupidSexyVaultGuy
Jul 26, 2003



I'm not gay, but I'll learn

mazzi Chart Czar
Sep 24, 2005
I'm OUT!

Then you pick that person up and drop them on the floor like a microphone.

KinkyJohn
Sep 19, 2002

Well we’ll see whos crazy when bittcoin is 100 000! Then you’ll come crawling back! up Up UP!

Orkin Mang
Nov 1, 2007

by FactsAreUseless
brb

Minimalist Program
Aug 14, 2010

soy posted:

I am gently caress

I am also gently caress.

Orkin Mang
Nov 1, 2007

by FactsAreUseless
you told me to follow my dreams, and its just, on a professional level, the perception of being available is a really important part of what it means to be a wedding dj

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO
Feb 28, 1985


It's time we talked about my obsession with Hitler.

kecske
Feb 28, 2011

it's round, like always


Pocket sand!!!

Orkin Mang
Nov 1, 2007

by FactsAreUseless
honey, could u please join me at the top of the staircase

mind the walrus
Sep 22, 2006

Your lack of GI sepsis is a real bummer

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Grevling
Dec 18, 2016

Look, I did some soul-searching and finally realized that you can never replace Carlita. I'm sorry I made you wear your hair like her, wear her clothes and get all that surgery.

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