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I wish I was in SoCal, I would be totally down to help you with some respite/support care  As a “positive” if your older child has had parental rights terminated they often fast track the younger siblings when they are detained...
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Jan 10, 2018 23:21
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I believe the process from placement to full adoption is typically much faster for children under 1,compared to older children whose parents are given more time to restore parental rights and custody. So for a lot of fost adopt families they are more likely to fully adopt the child, with the child having more overall stability.
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Jan 10, 2018 23:37
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Mocking Bird posted:I wish I was in SoCal, I would be totally down to help you with some respite/support care Thanks. We don't even have family around that can help, which would make this decision so much easier. And yeah, that "positive" aspect is kind of what makes it so overwhelming. We weren't really expecting this situation to develop for another few months, at least! It bums me out that everyone expected them to relapse and/or gently caress it all up, I just didn't expect it so quickly. The consensus is that they were waiting for court, where they were given more control over their newborn based on their rehab progress, since they bailed once they got back from the courthouse.
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Jan 10, 2018 23:53
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Are you connected at all to foster parent support groups or anything? I don’t know what that scene looks like in LA but that’s how I managed to get some respite help for my teen. Don’t feel like the only choice is to say yes - there are definitely homes for newborn babies, and you can foster a relationship with the other foster or adoptive home to keep siblings connected as well. You can’t fix everything, so it’s ok to really think critically about what you want to take on and what is best for everyone!
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Jan 11, 2018 00:17
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VorpalBunny posted:The number one thing people worry about with older kid is how much trauma they have been through. It's hard enough with a teenager, but one who has been sexually abused since birth? Or even kids who have no outward violent tendencies, who are totally "normal", are still "damaged" in that they have enough of a history of abuse they are in the system. And sometimes being in the system can gently caress up a kid, or sibling sets who have been moved around and separated/reunited, and the trauma from that might not be so obvious. And there are obviously some selfish stuff in play, a newborn child will only know you as their parent, etc. It's a lot of work, but if you guys have that desire and are willing to deal with these issues, I say go for it! The world needs more people willing to take in children in desperate need of a soft landing. I think both of us are reasonably prepared to help out with that angle, and probably would be good with some classes on how to approach it as a parent. Frankly she's better trained for that, spending a few years as a rape crisis counselor, growing up with a sister who was molested by a mentor, and the whole general MD training for mental healthcare. I suppose I might be the problem parent for that, I had a close friend who was sexually abused, turned to drugs, got clean (I was her sitter for her opiate withdrawal) and died a few months later in a car crash. I still get a bit morose over it from time to time. I probably need to remain under therapist supervision for a while if we have any kids come to our home that have an abused background, don't want to push any of my guilt bullshit onto the poor kiddo. Thanks. It's good to plan for that. Is it a normal worry that older adopted kids might have issues with babies/newborns? Is it generally not recommended? We were thinking of also having a kid or two in the next few years. I'm guessing it's a case of "Oh no, I will be loved less because my adoptive parents have a kid of their own" or something? Is that something we bring up to the kids as when we meet, like "hey, if you want to be with us, you might have to be a big brother/sister, and no, we don't expect you to babysit".
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Jan 11, 2018 01:31
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Those feelings about new siblings just need to be an open conversation with support from a counselor if needed. I ended up delaying fostering again for a year because my daughter was worried that she would go away to college and I'd replace her with a younger, cuter kid. Moving towards adoption seems to have reassured her, and she's now more open to talking about future brothers and sisters. And you're correct - they're all your kids, and emphasizing that is important. Lots of older kids need help adjusting to a new baby! The trauma of loss and rejection can just make the reaction less predictable. Fostering is HARD and if you have any weak points in your psyche it will often find and hit them hard. Some foster parents I've worked with did couples counseling off and on before and during their fostering experiences and raved about how good it was for being able to roll with the punches as a unified team.
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Jan 11, 2018 02:54
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We had the pre-trial hearing on Friday for next month's permanent custody hearing. That's where the magistrate will make the decision about whether to terminate the bio-parents rights. For a little background, we're in Ohio, the 3 brothers have been in foster care since August of 2016 (2 of them actually, with the 3rd brother born in May of 2017). They were removed from another foster home for neglect and placed with us 11 months ago. Neither bio-parent has made any progress on the case plan at all and actually they both had more to do than they started with because of failed drug screens and mental health checks that they were supposed to keep up with. Friday, we heard from our case worker that the bio-dad has requested to be removed from the case plan and is just going to stop showing up to anything. Instead, with less than a month until the PC hearing, the bio-mom's new boyfriend has been added to the case plan. He is rough news and we've already had to talk with the biomom about how inappropriate it is to refer to this new guy as 'your daddy' when she video chats with the boys (they have been together almost 2 months now). Since those aren't required, we threatened to withhold the video calls if she couldn't refrain, which she agreed to do. The case worker's input has been, for the last few months, that this is basically a done deal. The parents have had almost 18 months to do anything and have failed to. The parents can work their case plan until the day of the trial, but putting in some effort the last few weeks won't mean much. That said, we're concerned about having this new person added to the case plan with his own set of requirements and goals now (they have concerns from previous conviction records and drug arrests). Has anyone ever had such a late/drastic change in a case plan like this? Should we expect the magistrate to grant them an extension to allow more time for the new boyfriend? Our case worker is on a short and well-earned vacation so my wife and I are engaging in some light freak-out sessions.
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Jan 15, 2018 20:48
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I don't know about Ohio, but here in California I would only be addressing the new boyfriend in a case plan under the heading of "enough rope to hang themselves." You want to participate? Great! Here's a standard you have to meet that is entirely outside of your lovely abilities. Deep breaths. The telling information will come at next months hearing, and based on your post history I wouldn't be too worried. Remember to be there for the kids while court fights it out - you aren't part of that process, and the decisions are out of your hands, and you're the only people the kiddos have that are there just for them.
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Jan 16, 2018 01:05
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Just submitted my new application to foster ages 0-2  Also looks like I'll be adopting my daughter by June for her birthday 
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Jan 23, 2018 02:11
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Mocking Bird posted:Just submitted my new application to foster ages 0-2 That's awesome! Congratulations!!
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Jan 23, 2018 17:28
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We had PC hearing yesterday. Biomom surprised everyone by deciding to just sign everything and terminate her rights. Biodad said, via his attorney, that he thinks the boys should stay with us. So we had a brief hearing and now we're waiting on the Magistrate's decision. We should be able to have adoption completed by the fall!
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Feb 17, 2018 19:49
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Solaron posted:We had PC hearing yesterday. Biomom surprised everyone by deciding to just sign everything and terminate her rights. Biodad said, via his attorney, that he thinks the boys should stay with us. So we had a brief hearing and now we're waiting on the Magistrate's decision. We should be able to have adoption completed by the fall! Congratulations, you’ve more than earned it with the serious dedication you’ve had for your boys. I’m happy for you and for them. Did you ever negotiate a higher rate or additional subsidy for your child with special needs? Now is the time to maybe get an attorney involved to help you negotiate the adoption assistance rate for him.
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Feb 17, 2018 21:03
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Oh, and if you need to find an attorney with expertise, call the director of the private foster family agency that handles the special needs children usually and ask who they’ve worked with
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Feb 17, 2018 21:06
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Solaron posted:We had PC hearing yesterday. Biomom surprised everyone by deciding to just sign everything and terminate her rights. Biodad said, via his attorney, that he thinks the boys should stay with us. So we had a brief hearing and now we're waiting on the Magistrate's decision. We should be able to have adoption completed by the fall! Congrats! I'm not sure if you have it in your area, but in California we have several weeks of Paid Family Leave available for 12 months after the children are officially placed in your home for adoption. Which happens right after parental rights are terminated, we learned that one the hard way with our previous adoption. We thought the clock started when we officially adopted him, whoops. We have our Parental Rights Termination hearing on 3/9 for our current placement, both parents were notified in person at our last hearing and they are currently on the run with a warrant out for their arrests so I doubt they'll be making it to court to contest. The extended family swears they are in rehab, but according to DCFS they are MIA so... I keep thinking about the little baby they have with him. Is he being fed properly? Is he healthy? Does he have a warm place to sleep? Once they get arrested, the baby will be detained and we'll be getting that phone call.
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Feb 17, 2018 23:03
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All of you taking in siblings are phenomenal, it will mean so much to your children to grow up together if they’re able to. I finished my millionth round of foster parent training and got assigned to a licensing worker, who I sent an overly bubbly and obnoxious email to in an attempt to speed this poo poo up. My boyfriend and I are swapping the bedrooms this coming week. We’re probably going to license for ages 0-12 around summertime. My adoption hearing for my 18 year old will be in May, we think
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Feb 17, 2018 23:08
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So we've had some dramatic updates to our current case. Bio parents skipped out on rehab just after our last court date in early January, warrants were issued for their arrest and a detainment order was put out for their newborn son, my foster placement's full baby brother. It doesn't affect the case of our current placement, but we did instruct DCFS to call us first if/when the baby was detained so we were always waiting for that call. I had our DCFS worker and our private foster care worker in the home yesterday for an in-home checkup and chat about our upcoming court date, where parental rights are likely to be terminated for our placement. During that meeting, I got The Call. The bio parents were arrested over the weekend and the baby was in the care of the maternal family, and DCFS was going to detain him and were calling to verify we were still willing to take him in. There's a whole other level to this, my husband and I deciding on how long-term this care would be, but we did agree that we would take him in initially so our private agency could find a local home for him and these siblings could grow up near each other and have playdates and stuff. I waited around yesterday, finally getting word that the child would arrive between 7pm-7:30pm. At 7:10pm, we got a call from DCFS that the family had essentially disappeared with the baby and were refusing to hand him over. This morning, after warrants for the family were threatened, they agreed to a 1pm handoff. That's in about an hour, let's see if that really happens. So we are currently getting our home prepared for another little one, when an email update comes in from one of our social workers. According to a family member, bio mom is pregnant again. That would make 3 children under the age of 2 in the foster care system. And I immediately lost it. I had been cultivating this idea that we could have the bio brother in our lives somehow, how important the sibling bond is, but now there might be another sibling to keep track of? What if this one ends up in a third foster/adoptive home? How can I even begin to pretend to be able to have these kids be in each others' lives? What the gently caress are these people thinking, that the first two may have been lost to the system but third time is a charm? I am an optimistic person, but I am also realistic. I have been doing my best to maintain a positive outlook on the foster care system, on the families involved, but this whole situation is seriously bending my optimism to a breaking point. These people are in their early 20s. They are drug addicts. Her family is allowing them to live in their homes, where 3 other minor children are exposed to their chaos... I don't know how social workers do it. I hope this current baby is ok, and I hope the new baby is healthy and has a soft place to land.
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Feb 27, 2018 20:45
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VorpalBunny posted:So we've had some dramatic updates to our current case. Bio parents skipped out on rehab just after our last court date in early January, warrants were issued for their arrest and a detainment order was put out for their newborn son, my foster placement's full baby brother. It doesn't affect the case of our current placement, but we did instruct DCFS to call us first if/when the baby was detained so we were always waiting for that call. Holy moley you’re my hero.
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Feb 28, 2018 01:02
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You're doing a good job. Your job isn't to be the saintly keeper of positivity and hopefulness, you're doing your real purpose - loving and caring for your children. You do it so well. You're amazing. This newly detained toddler will benefit from even a temporary stay with you and their siblings, and maybe their forever home will be open to taking a potential future sibling. You can't control the actions of others, however destructive and sad it is for them and their children. I was just working with another family who had to say no to a younger sibling (due to the aging of the couple and the needs of the older sibling), and what they told me was "our daughter was magical to us and made us parents and gave us such joy, and we want this new little one to fill someone with that same joy and purpose, and we know it would be better for them" This new little one is going to bring someone so much joy. It's ok if it isn't your family, or a family near you. Be open, and know what you can control, and what you can't. You're doing an amazing job.
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Feb 28, 2018 01:16
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Oh awesome a thread for this, my wife and I are doing paperwork for our home study now to complete the form r care application. We are going to be fostering to adopt a child hopefully in the next year or two. I can't stress enough the system needs people willing to do foster care specially in areas where opiods are rampant! In nieghboring Cleveland I guess the number of kids and especially newborns is so bad they are sending them throughout the state
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Apr 7, 2018 14:09
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Whereas in the bureaucratic nightmare of California's new licensing regulations, we are sending kids throughout the state because the counties are so far behind in licensing new families that they don't have the option to place kids locally. I applied to get my new license in December and they won't even give me an estimate for how long my home study will take, but rumor has it my county hasn't licensed an unmatched foster parent since 2016 and are only just now addressing the back log (relatives and existing foster parents get priority for conversion to the new rules which involves EVERYONE getting an abbreviated adoption home study) It's looking like I might not get to parent again until 2019/2020. I'm adopting my daughter on may 15th though. Send me a kid, Ohio
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Apr 7, 2018 15:16
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A little update: We took in our foster daughter's little brother, but within a day or so we realized 5 kids ages 7 and under was simply too much to handle for us. Our foster daughter is fresh into walking and becoming a toddler, thriving in this stage of pulling poo poo off of counters, emptying clothing drawers, climbing onto the couch and falling off, etc. Keeping an eye on her and keeping an eye on the infant, in addition to my 3 older kids, was just too much for me to do. We let our private foster agency know we were unable to keep him longterm, and they actually found a home close to ours looking for a permanent placement and very happy to maintain sibling contact. The day before we handed him over to his new home, we had our court hearing where parental rights were severed for our foster placement and now we are on track for adoption! It was a little awkward, bio dad had been shuttled in from prison so he was there in shackles and never made eye contact with me. Bio great-grandma and bio grandma were also there, and I tried to contain my joy when the judge made his ruling, but I am just so relieved to be past this point. I have been in contact with the foster family for her little brother, they have really been such a great home. The bio family had been feeding him solids and juice (he was 3-months old when we took him in) so he was having stomach problems. They also admitted to leaving him strapped in a carseat to sleep on the couch at night, so his head was misshapen. The foster family have helped him get a regular sleep schedule down, and he's being fitted for a helmet to reshape his skull. They also keep me up to date on the bio family gossip (no one can verify if bio mom is pregnant again since she's slipped off the grid again and bio dad is in prison until August) and I give them advice on how to handle communicating with them. It's kind of nice to have like-minded stable folks around to bounce stuff off of. We have made a decision that this is our last year of fostering, for now. Unless bio mom is pregnant again. If she is...well, we want to be open to maybe taking in THAT little one if we are in a position to. The other foster family is also open to it, though I think they have been burned so many times they don't want to jinx their case with the little brother. So if she is pregnant, we are open to extending our foster license for another year. If she isn't, then we let the certification lapse and move on with our lives until we are in a position to open our home again. I hope everyone else out there is holding up well.
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Apr 8, 2018 02:19
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What a whirlwind! How are you holding up? I hope you're taking care of yourself and enjoying that you're in the next step of the process. I'm so glad you're able to maintain a connection with little brother and have him close. I'm sure his foster parents are lucky to have you for guidance with the bio family. He's going to be a joy in their lives as much as his big sister is in yours.
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Apr 8, 2018 02:32
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Mocking Bird posted:What a whirlwind! How are you holding up? I hope you're taking care of yourself and enjoying that you're in the next step of the process. I thought I would have a much more difficult time with my decision to let him go. I anticipated this decision ever since we found out she was pregnant with him, and after he was born we jumped at every phone call waiting for him to be detained. I felt certain I was making the right choice, to fight for him to be in our family, but once he was here I was back to losing sleep and my mind and I realized I would be no good to anyone so frayed. After we let him go I got a fair amount of crap from random people, including a pediatrician and some moms from my older kids' school, basically laying the classic guilt trip of "couldn't you hire a nanny?" and other such nonsense. Yes, if I dedicated my entire being to juggling the resources of our huge family in our tiny home and never showered or had sex with my husband or slept more than 4 hours a day, I might be able to keep everything running and not let the house fall into squalor. But, I like my tiny sliver of freedom and sleep fine in the knowledge he is in an (apparently) amazing foster home and we will still be a part of his life. And it was a decision made even easier in the knowledge bio mom might be pregnant again, confirming all those voices that chastised us when we considered taking him in in the first place. "What are you going to do, take in every kid she pops out?" was also one of those wonderful voices from the crowd. Ultimately, it came down to my husband and myself deciding what was right for our family. And we are happy with our decision.
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Apr 8, 2018 03:16
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You did good, you made a hard choice that was the right one for you guys and also means baby gets a ton of one-on-one attention from loving parents, and also means your kiddos (and husband) get the attention and love they deserve 
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Apr 8, 2018 03:20
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I need some dealing-with-the-system advice. We're trying to find our adopted daughter's half-sister. When we adopted our daughter, we said multiple times that we wanted to keep her in contact with her sister. We were told that maybe it would be a good idea to put off having them visit one another for a while after the adoption. (Sister has some serious behavioral/mental/emotional issues and the workers thought she and our daughter would deal better with their biomom losing her rights/the impending adoption if they were kept apart.) The girls do love each other a lot and our daughter talks about her sister all the time. A few months back, I tried to track her sister down with information given to us by our support worker. I was told she was in a foster home, so I called them up (the foster home had okayed me having their contact info). She wasn't there anymore! It turned out that she was newly placed in a preadoptive home. Okay, great!...but maybe we should give them some time to figure each other out before we butt in. (Sister's had more than a few placements that went south, and we didn't want to be the reason that this one failed.) So I left it there for a while, and a few weeks later we got a new support worker (the fifth one in our three years of fostering, because they keep quitting for some reason!) Now it's been a few months, so I figured I'd get in touch with her new family. One email bounced, the other was ignored. Texts were undeliverable. One phone number was disconnected, one went to someone entirely different. Okay, something's seriously weird here. So I contacted our new support worker. She said legally she couldn't tell me anything, she didn't have the files to tell me anything anyway, and "I don't know...maybe try DHS?" So I called our adoption worker. Adoption worker didn't return my call or respond to my email (still waiting on either of those!). So I got in touch with the adoption worker's supervisor. Supervisor apologized for adoption worker not talking to me and said she'd look into what happened to the sister...and I haven't heard anything back since. Support worker called to check in on us today (mostly to pester us about taking our training courses for our license renewal) and I told her that we still hadn't heard anything about the sister's whereabouts. This time, she said maybe she could talk to the original social worker assigned to our daughter/her sister, but that legally maybe the social worker couldn't talk directly to me about it, but she needed my okay to pass on my info to her so she or the people taking care of the sister could contact me. Maybe. Oh, and the sister's probably not with her preadoptive family any more, because she's listed in a different county, but maybe the records didn't get updated. Maybe. Maybe maybe maybe. So: what do I do next? Who can legally tell me where this girl is?
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May 1, 2018 05:17
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If this were California, the answer might be “no one” especially if the sister has actually been adopted. The pre adoptive family would have to give consent for contact with you. Did you or your daughter have legal representation through the process? That’s where I would start, with the lawyers. Did you have a post-adoption familial contact agreement? Was there any bio family that is still involved who may have maintained contact? If all else fails, contact the county agency - not adoption agencies or foster family agencies - where the child is a dependent and go with your own legal representation (preferably with a legal basis which can vary state to state) and say that your child would like to visit her sister. You may not have any grounds but most administrators would rather assist you than hinder you. Try to see if they will put you in contact with the sisters lawyer or county counsel to hash something out.
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May 1, 2018 05:50
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Magrat posted:I need some dealing-with-the-system advice. I have no advice, because we are all dealing with a broken system. But I will tell a story that falls along the same lines: We were open for a placement. It was late December 2016, around Christmas. We got a call for an infant needing emergency placement. We agreed to take him in, were told we would be contacted by the driver in the next hour or so with their arrival time. Never heard anything all day, the next day we didn't hear anything. A few days after we were supposed to take him in, we get a call from DCFS asking how he is doing. I was shocked, I told them he never arrived at our home and I never heard or signed anything. The worker sounded confused, thanked me for my time and promised to get back to me. We never heard from her again, and to this day we wonder where that little boy ended up. Maybe you should consult with a lawyer, to go down the legal rabbit hole and access records you otherwise might not be able to.
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May 1, 2018 05:57
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The thing that I don't understand is this: how am I supposed to maintain sibling contact when no one will tell me where the sibling is? The sister is elementary school aged, so it's not like we can keep in touch via facebook or whatever. An adult somewhere has to tell me where she is - but if the previous placement isn't allowed to tell me about the current placement, and none of the workers are allowed to tell me either, then how am I supposed to keep track of her? It's so frustrating! Mocking Bird: We had a lawyer for the adoption itself, but we didn't have one until then. The lawyer had nothing to do with anything involving the sister. We didn't have an official post-adoption familial contact agreement aside from it being stated in court records/etc. that we wanted and intended to maintain contact. If there was a process to make it officially known that we needed that information, I assumed that we would have been told about it - they were incredibly insistent about us maintaining contact. There's no bio family in contact with us, and I'm pretty sure they're not in contact with the sister either. I'm not even sure what county the sister is living in. They're originally from one county, but they were placed in different counties originally, and the sister's been bounced through at least four other counties by my reckoning. I tried to contact the social worker, but the phone system was broken (hooray) and so I left her an email. If she's not helpful, then I guess it's time to lawyer up! VorpalBunny: It's amazing how kids can just fall through the cracks. I hope he ended up somewhere safe!
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May 1, 2018 15:09
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We found her and she's doing really well! Thanks for the advice!
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May 4, 2018 15:37
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Magrat posted:We found her and she's doing really well! Thanks for the advice! That's amazing news! Congrats!
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May 4, 2018 18:27
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Second assessment is Tuesday, we go over the paperwork we handed in and get background checked. No idea how much more we need to do though or how much longer till we get approval after that though.
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May 4, 2018 20:05
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That’s very exciting! My boyfriend has to do the family orientation for our new agency tomorrow so I’m going too. This will be my fourth foster parent orientation as a participant despite the fact that I teach them myself as part of my job  California takes SO FREAKING LONG to license people under the new resource family laws. We’re looking at our first placement in 2019 at this point. But now we’re working with an adoption focused agency so it will probably be a placement for keeps My daughter and I are meeting with the adoption worker on Monday and I’m officially her mom on 5/15
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May 4, 2018 21:01
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Congratulations Mocking Bird! I just found this thread. My wife and I are foster parents and we're currently looking after two girls (3 & 16 year old sisters). There are two brothers (15 & 9), but because of behavioral issues, they're currently in different households. One is non-verbally autistic and needs 24/7 care and the other has a history of abuse and shows outward sexual behaviors which precludes him from being with the girls. Their case went to termination in March, and both the parents of the three year old have voluntarily relinquished their rights. We have a hearing later this month for the termination of the absent fathers of the other siblings. The court would still like to keep all the kids together, but the individual needs of the older kids makes that incredibly difficult. The older kids were kept out of school for a period of about 4 years, meaning we're dealing with all sorts of catch-up and a lack of socialization in general.
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May 9, 2018 15:48
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As someone who cared for a 16 year old girl and nearly had a mental breakdown I am in awe of you for adding a three year old to the mix Are you considering guardianship or adoption?
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May 9, 2018 16:02
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Adoption, we would really like to take care of the girls. The 16 year old actually isn't too bad, it's just mostly trying to be aware of where she has trouble and trying to help. My wife is a teacher, so she's super aware of IEPs and special ed, so we've been able to push for academic accommodations. Their 9 year old brother is currently placed with a friend of my wife's who is also a teacher. We've been able to stay in close contact and have ad-hoc sibling visits pretty frequently since we only live 10 minutes away. Currently, they would like to take him, and that's probably the ideal given his behaviors. We've also talked about guardianship or something with the autistic boy. He'll very likely be in residential care for his life, so we won't have to take placement, and it would probably better overall to have us actively making sure his level of care is appropriate. I'd hate for his siblings to see that he's not being provided for properly and not have the say to do anything about it.
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May 9, 2018 16:33
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As a social worker, that circumstance seems as close to ideal as you can get for a sibling group with those challenges in child welfare and I would have no problem pitching it to a judge. As a parent, my heart is melting and I'm glad I'm not the only lunatic adopting a teen girl
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May 9, 2018 17:20
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I just got word today that the bio mom to our current foster placement (and hopeful adopted daughter) is appealing the termination of parental rights granted last month. This woman has not seen her daughter in over 5 months, is openly using drugs and refusing all services, and literally kidnapped her bio son and hid from DCFS for a month until being captured, arrested and imprisoned. I struggle with looking at her in a positive light. I can only imagine the hold that drugs have on these people, and no one is thinking clearly, but it just sucks to know we are going to be delayed in adopting her. We had it all worked out, adoption finalization then hopping a plane two days later for a big family vacation. Hopefully it will all work out anyway, but dealing with one last roadblock just sucks. Especially since we'll be done fostering/adopting for a while after her adoption is final.
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May 10, 2018 03:35
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Has anyone read The Connected Child by Dr. Purvis and Dr. Cook? I'm reading it now and finding it very helpful and approachable for how to parent a neglected or abused child, but I'm also a professional, so I'd love some opinions on how it lands for a regular foster or adoptive parent. I'm considering making it available for foster parents training in our county. As someone with a behaviorally unpredictable and withdrawn child (now young adult) I'm finding it pretty validating and encouraging to not feel like she's scorning me, and that my consistent responses of love and attention are important even when it feels like she doesn't want them. Also as a feel good for the thread, we're trying to adopt another child, and part of the process was for my child to write a "welcome letter" to a new sibling. I thought she'd refuse to do it, and instead she wrote a genuinely heart warming letter where she says that our family loves all kinds of kids and they shouldn't worry that they will screw up because she did and I still love her. She also wrote that she hopes the new sibling likes affection because I am overly affectionate, and if I'm "being extra" the new child can come to her for advice.
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Jul 15, 2018 19:33
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Omg :3 Super big sister!
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Jul 16, 2018 10:39
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| # ? Apr 18, 2024 14:36 |
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Mocking Bird posted:Congratulations, you’ve more than earned it with the serious dedication you’ve had for your boys. I’m happy for you and for them. It's been a while - life, college, job change and the boys took up all of my free time! But I have a new job and it's fully remote, so I can post from the comfort of my home, yay. We never were able to get the county to recognize our special needs son as 'therapeutic' or get a higher rate. We haven't gone through the negotiation process yet (for adoption in Ohio, every family has to negotiate separately with the local county agency - I've seen some previous letters and communication from other family's and it sounds like there's a lot of guilt tripping to give the family as little as possible) but I am hopeful that with his significant needs and the amount of issues we have had, they will just give us an amount that makes sense. We're putting on an addition of a bedroom, bathroom and therapy room for him on our house, since we don't currently have a bed/bath on the main floor, and he's getting more difficult to carry everywhere inside. The neurologists are talking about brain surgery to address some of his issues so it's a lot to deal with. Just wanna say this thread saved my sanity a number of times throughout the process.
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Jul 25, 2018 21:36
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