F1 2018: Sir, this is a Burger King drive thru

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > F1 2018: Sir, this is a Burger King drive thru

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GramCracker: Oct 8, 2005; beauty by stroll

Current status:

BubbaGrace posted:

Fineeeeeeee

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tpqhdOF-byU

Welcome to the 2018 World Championship of Formula 1. :toot:

Competitive state after the 2017 season

American media company, Liberty, has bought the rights to Formula 1�.they are planning to Americanize the series, so expect music during dramatic racing moments, WWE style entrances, and other American bullshit. This post brought to you by, POWERSLICE - feelin' hungry? Grab a slice.
Mercedes ends the season with another crushing victory over Ferrari
Lewis Hamilton is the reigning Driver God-Emperor of The Greatest Racing Series Of All-Time as we go into 2018.
Hulkenberg still unfulfilled in terms of his potential. Time is the fire in which we burn and he will be jumping out of the flames any year now to claim his own Champion Title.
Stroll is still poo poo, so what

What happened in the off season?

Williams retains noted binman Stroll and confirms that Russian Sergey Olegovich Sirotkin will be driving alongisde. Williams really want to stress that money didn�t play any factor in this decision at all.
Sauber is now partnered with Alfa Romeo, great to see a real Italian automotive brand in the sport for once.
Alonso is still the prettiest driver
All cars are now mandated to have a �Halo� safety device around the driver�s cockpit - the cars now look like sandals with wheels
Literally nothing else happened.

2018 Formula 1 Teams, in order of 2017 Championship results

Mercedes AMG Petronas Motorsport
The Silver Arrows are back as the 4x reigning champs, and the team to beat this year. Their car is still silver. They still have a black guy and a wet napkin piloting the cars.

Scuderia Ferrari
2017 saw The Scud bring a championship contending car to the season, however about half way through the season they blew it on dumb strategy calls and having a massive petulant child driving one of the cars. Can they seal the deal and bring a WCC back to Maranello this year? Your guess is as good as mine. (which is a nope)

Aston Martin Red Bull Racing
Formerly known as Red Bull Racing-TAG Heuer in 2017, this is the same cunty outfit but with a different title sponsor. Christian Horner still bitches and moans, and no one actually gives a gently caress. They employ a fetus and a smiley bogan to Go Fast.

Sahara Force India F1 Team
This is the team with the pink cars. They have two drivers who each seem to think they are #1 and usually provide for some interesting team conflicts.

Williams Martini Racing
Williams Martini Racing is the Official� direct deposit account of pay drivers - ROI in the form of a Formula 1 seat. Stroll is their current "veteran" and is being partnered with Russian Formula 1 rookie Sergey Sirotkin. Follow them for the lols as the driver they should have hired, Robert Kubica, sits on the sidelines as a Test/Reserve Driver.

Renault Sport Formula One Team
Now entering their 4th year as the factory backed Renault effort, this is the make or break year. Driving alongside LeMans winner Nico Hulkenberg is Carlos Sainz Jr., son of rally legend Carlos Sainz. With his shot at a factory backed team, this is surely to encourage him to drive his rear end off - but will this get some good drives out of Hulkenberg?

Red Bull Toro Rosso Honda
2018 sees Toro Rosso as the new guinea pig team for Honda. During shakedown and testing they swear there are no issues with the Honda power plant, but who are we kidding, it�s gonna be poo poo come Australia.

Haas F1 Team
America�s F1 Team, they are still thinking they can turn a profit racing in Formula 1. Drivers are still a smelly Frenchman and some caveman looking dude. They buy parts off Ferrari and �build� their own cars. Probably another yawner of a year for them.

~~McLaren F1 Team~~ Kimoa-Renault Formula One Team
The end of the 2017 season saw them switch engine suppliers from noted failures Honda to slightly less failures Renault. In this time, McLaren folded and is now known as Kimoa. Season looks to be promising as they retain the most gorgeous F1 driver ever, Fernando Alonso, and some bloke Strudel Vandoorne. Fernando is also now a 100% owner of Kimoa, formerly known as McLaren, and has Zak Brown permanently attached to his balls. With all these changes, could this be the year they finally see the top step of the podium again?

Alfa Romeo Sauber F1 Team
Previously Sauber-Ferrari, this new change in partnership will hopefully bring about a new dawn for the Sauber outfit and bring Formula 1 glory back to Italy, since Ferrari sure as poo poo can�t do it. Will this new partnership bring newfound performance and success to the Sauber team? Time will tell. Their car does look bad rear end though.

We're on a fairly active Discord so join us and shitpost constantly.

Discord: https://discord.gg/kg3d2Uu

GP Predictor
Want to guess how the races will pan out for magical internet points and bragging rights?

https://gppredictor.com/leagues/join/58d2cc69837ee9a30306b750

So c�mon in, sit down, and get ready for some good ol� fashioned shitposting to begin while we watch America show us how Formula 1 should be done.

Current Status:

Previous Threads
_{_{2017-18 Off-season | 2017 season |

2016-17 Off-season | 2016 season | 2015-16 Off-season | 2015 Part 1|2015 Part 2 | 2014-15 Off-season | 2014 season | 2013-14 Off-season | 2013 season | 2012-13 Off season | 2012 season

2011-12 Off-season | 2011 Part 1|2011 Breakaway (stop talking about phones!)|2011 Part 2 | 2010-2011 Off Season | 2010 Part 1|2010 Part 2 | 2009-2010 Off season

2009 News and Views|2009 Part 1|2009 Breakaway Thread|2009 Part 2 | 2008-2009 Off season | 2008 Part 1|2008 Part 2|2008 Part 3 | 2007-2008 Off season

2007 Part 1|2007 Part 2|2007 Part 3 | 2006 Part 1|2006 Part 2|2006 Part 3|2006 Part 4|2006 Part 5 | 2005 Whole Season | 2005 Part WTF | 2004 Whole Season}}

Somebody fucked around with this message at 00:38 on Sep 5, 2018

# ? Feb 28, 2018 18:19

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 25, 2024 19:48

Norns: Nov 21, 2011; Senior Shitposting Strategist

Formula 1 is bad

# ? Feb 28, 2018 18:20

Tony quidprano: Jan 19, 2014; IM SO BAD AT ACTUALLY TALKING ABOUT F1 IN ANY MEANINGFUL WAY SOME DUDE WITH TOO MUCH FREE MONEY WILL KEEP CHANGING IT UNTIL I SHUT THE FUCK UP OR ACTUALLY POST SOMETHING THAT ISNT SPEWING HATE/SLURS/TELLING PEOPLE TO KILL THEMSELVES

ShitcLaren.

# ? Feb 28, 2018 18:22

GramCracker: Oct 8, 2005; beauty by stroll

Norns posted:

Formula 1 is bad

av/post combo checks out

# ? Feb 28, 2018 18:22

Gigi Galli: Sep 19, 2003; and then the car turned in to fire

The Alfa is actually a Ferrari :milk:

# ? Feb 28, 2018 18:22

wicka: Jun 28, 2007

1500quidporsche posted:

ShitKimoa

ftfy

# ? Feb 28, 2018 18:22

Tsaedje: May 11, 2007; BRAWNY BUTTONS 4 LYFE

Extremely early for a new season thread imho

Fernando Alonso MWDC 2018

# ? Feb 28, 2018 18:23

learnincurve: May 15, 2014; Smoosh

Current F1 status: snow day.

I find it extremely funny that bottas is staying in a bus on the track.

# ? Feb 28, 2018 18:25

Tsaedje: May 11, 2007; BRAWNY BUTTONS 4 LYFE

Are Fernando was the only driver good enough to set a lap time today

# ? Feb 28, 2018 18:27

Tony quidprano: Jan 19, 2014; IM SO BAD AT ACTUALLY TALKING ABOUT F1 IN ANY MEANINGFUL WAY SOME DUDE WITH TOO MUCH FREE MONEY WILL KEEP CHANGING IT UNTIL I SHUT THE FUCK UP OR ACTUALLY POST SOMETHING THAT ISNT SPEWING HATE/SLURS/TELLING PEOPLE TO KILL THEMSELVES

Long live MotoGP. The true pinnacle of Motorsports. Testing starts tomorrow lads.

# ? Feb 28, 2018 18:27

DoctorGonzo: Jul 25, 2016; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Delete all the anti ferrari crap in the op or i will kick your rear end

# ? Feb 28, 2018 18:27

Dirt Road Junglist: Oct 8, 2010; We will be cruel
And through our cruelty
They will know who we are

1500quidporsche posted:

Long live MotoGP. The true pinnacle of Motorsports. Testing starts tomorrow lads.

So ready.

# ? Feb 28, 2018 18:27

Thanks Ants: May 21, 2004; #essereFerrari

Norns posted:

Formula 1 is bad

# ? Feb 28, 2018 18:28

Tsaedje: May 11, 2007; BRAWNY BUTTONS 4 LYFE

Actually Formula 1 rules

# ? Feb 28, 2018 18:30

Powershift: Nov 23, 2009

Predictions:

Ferrari will blow it in an embarassing way
Renault will challenge Red Bull for 3rd in the points standings because the Red Bull drivers start fighting each other
There will only be 7 races where both Mclarens finish
Lance stroll podiums again
Everybody forgets Magnussen exists again

# ? Feb 28, 2018 18:30

GramCracker: Oct 8, 2005; beauty by stroll

Tsaedje posted:

Are Fernando was the only driver good enough to set a lap time today

Phwoar. What did Are Kube do?

# ? Feb 28, 2018 18:31

Thanks Ants: May 21, 2004; #essereFerrari

Ready for Kimoa Logitech Dell McLaren Renault Alonso to make me hard for F1 again, lads

# ? Feb 28, 2018 18:31

GramCracker: Oct 8, 2005; beauty by stroll

Thanks Ants posted:

Ready for Kimoa Logitech Dell McLaren Renault Alonso to make me hard for F1 again, lads

# ? Feb 28, 2018 18:31

Tony quidprano: Jan 19, 2014; IM SO BAD AT ACTUALLY TALKING ABOUT F1 IN ANY MEANINGFUL WAY SOME DUDE WITH TOO MUCH FREE MONEY WILL KEEP CHANGING IT UNTIL I SHUT THE FUCK UP OR ACTUALLY POST SOMETHING THAT ISNT SPEWING HATE/SLURS/TELLING PEOPLE TO KILL THEMSELVES

Tsaedje posted:

Actually Formula 1 rules

Sorry it isn't 1986, you must have been in a coma.

# ? Feb 28, 2018 18:33

Tsaedje: May 11, 2007; BRAWNY BUTTONS 4 LYFE

GramCracker posted:

Phwoar. What did Are Kube do?

He went out but did not set a time

# ? Feb 28, 2018 18:33

Thanks Ants: May 21, 2004; #essereFerrari

GramCracker posted:

Phwoar. What did Are Kube do?

hosed up his arm, OP

# ? Feb 28, 2018 18:35

iospace: Jan 19, 2038

Bold prediction Alonso decides to try the 500, again. Bumps Danica and Sage off the grid by his sheer existence.

# ? Feb 28, 2018 18:35

Norns: Nov 21, 2011; Senior Shitposting Strategist

iospace posted:

Bold prediction Alonso decides to try the 500, again. Bumps Danica and Sage off the grid by his sheer existence.

Danica is going to wreck half the field

# ? Feb 28, 2018 18:36

wicka: Jun 28, 2007

Norns posted:

Danica is going to wreck half the field

Which half

# ? Feb 28, 2018 18:37

Feels Villeneuve: Oct 7, 2007; Setter is Better.

McLaren are poo poo.

# ? Feb 28, 2018 18:37

Norns: Nov 21, 2011; Senior Shitposting Strategist

The Kimoa Kid posted:

Which half

Sigh

# ? Feb 28, 2018 18:38

wicka: Jun 28, 2007

Norns posted:

Sigh

Yeah that was a groaner. In all seriousness, ECR is so good at Indy, she'll probably be near the front and take out most of the field when she wrecks.

# ? Feb 28, 2018 18:39

iospace: Jan 19, 2038

TOXX COLLECTION POST

wicka posted:

iospace, please ban me if Fernando Alonso does not win the 2018 FIA Formula One World Drivers' Championship.

~~To be determined.~~ Toxx fail, Wicka banned.

Wirth1000 posted:

Ban me if Alonso wins the title next season in the 2018 FIA Formula 1 World Championship

Trust me, folks, it hurts ME to make that kind of toxx.

~~TBD~~ Toxx successful.

1500quidporsche posted:

Mods probate me for a month and change my name to 1500quidpoocati if Andrea Dovizioso does not win the 2018 MotoGP championship

~~Noted.~~ Failed

OhsH posted:

Toxx me one month for every race that Stroll doesn't finish.

The month will reset every time he fails to finish, as it has been agreed upon.

Wirth1000 posted:

Ban me if Stroll wins a race.

Doesn't even matter the season just keep this as a rolling toxx.

Sounds good.

DoctorGonzo posted:

if ferrari doesnt win the title probate me from the off season thread

~~You sure? Alright.~~ Toxx failed, will get a 6er every for every post in the offseason thread.

Feels Villeneuve posted:

I will watch an entire MLS match if Lewis Hamilton wins the title in 2018.

~~Conceded by Feels and will be fulfilled on 10/28~~ Toxx failed, however will be fulfilled by donation as work is a bitch to us all. Donation made, toxx fulfilled.

Rhopunzel posted:

Toxx me if McLaren don't win a race

With one month as the punishment, enforced at the end of the season.

Human Grand Prix posted:

If Stroll wins a race I request an 11 year probation.

If I ever have to fulfill this, I'm sorry.

Roller Coast Guard posted:

Probate me for a month if Alonso has fewer WDC points than both Williams drivers combined at the end of the season.

Noted

Astoundingly Ugly Baby posted:

~~Probate me for one month if Stroll has more WDC points than McLaren at the end of the season.~~ Give me a month if the season ends and Fernando Alonso has less WDC points than the WCC points of Toro Rosso-Honda or less WDC points than Stroll.

~~Forgot about this one. Added to the list.~~ Changed, old one kept for record keeping.

GramCracker posted:

Give me a month if the season ends and Fernando Alonso has less WDC points than the WCC points of Toro Rosso-Honda or less WDC points than Stroll.

Alright

NtotheTC posted:

I'll take a month if Ferrari come higher than fourth in the WCC or if McLaren win a race, whichever happens first (neither will happen)

NtotheTC posted:

The McLaren one is multi-season by the way. I genuinely believe they won't ever win an F1 race again after watching Grand Prix Driver.

e: in fact the McLaren one may as well be a full toxx ban

Noted.

Theophany posted:

iospace! - if Alonso doesn't podium this year I will do a video dramatic reading of ~~a dumbshit post. The post in question should be voted on by worst thread regulars~~ the 2018 F1 season in review and I shall be wearing 2018 McLaren Papaya orange merchandise. Should I fail to fulfil this, ban me.

I look forward to this.

Khablam posted:

At least the thread can pretend all those guys in orange are supporting McLaren and not F1's most exciting driver, Max.

ban me if Max doesn't get more WDC points than the whole of McLaren this year.

~~Noted.~~ successful

1500quidporsche posted:

If McLaren podiums this season I will buy a brand new set of kart tires. loving that

"One lap old bin tires" does not count for this.

BubbaGrace posted:

Ban me if Alonso finishes the season higher in the WDC than Stoffel Vandoorne.

~~I guess you want more free time to watch the lions then.~~ Failed, already banned

thegasman2000 posted:

If mclaren out score stroll I will record myself saying how much I love fernando, in a fluffy pink thong. (Already own the garment)

Ok then!

Deepfried posted:

If Hamilton doesn't win the WDC probate me until the start of the 2019 season - I may be done masturbating by then

~~To be lifted on the first day of practice for the 1st race of 2019 if it is enforced.~~ So uh, toxx "failed"? Nothing needed on Deepfried or mine ends.

CratSock posted:

LOL. Probe me for a month for each Stroll podium next season.

I can't wait until he proves, yet again, to be an insanely average driver with no redeeming qualities.

Probably won't happen but ok!

Future toxxes:

1500quidporsche posted:

Lance will get on the podium at least twice in 2019 or I�ll eat a month

Cactrot posted:

I'll take a month if stroll gets two podiums next season

Wiltsghost posted:

Same, there is zero chance. He is loving garbage. Why do you guys love some rear end in a top hat who is only in the sport because his dad is rich.

edit: and i realize that applies to a lot of drivers

(also making the same toxx as cactrot)

1500quidporsche posted:

Mods please ban me if LeClerc has less points than Vettel at the end of 2019

The pact is sealed.

Khablam posted:

NtotheTC posted:
Also ban Khablam if Gasly beats Verstappen.

I'll accept this but I will 3x my Max beat his teammate posts as a result.

The quality of the thread... stays the same.

iospace fucked around with this message at 04:07 on Oct 29, 2018

# ? Feb 28, 2018 18:40

DoctorGonzo: Jul 25, 2016; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

The OP is VERY BIASED against Scuderia Ferrari pride of Italy and heart of Formula One. There is some sort of fake news going on? SAD!

Replace with it, ASAP.

#FORZAFERRARI

DoctorGonzo fucked around with this message at 18:45 on Feb 28, 2018

# ? Feb 28, 2018 18:41

iospace: Jan 19, 2038

DoctorGonzo posted:

The sexiest part of that post.

# ? Feb 28, 2018 18:43

Human Grand Prix: Jan 24, 2013; by FactsAreUseless

Feels Villeneuve posted:

McLaren are poo poo.

# ? Feb 28, 2018 18:49

ilmucche: Mar 16, 2016

Will the OP be updated when the pink team change their name?

# ? Feb 28, 2018 18:50

Human Grand Prix: Jan 24, 2013; by FactsAreUseless

If Stroll wins a race I request an 11 year probation. :toxx:

# ? Feb 28, 2018 18:50

iospace: Jan 19, 2038

Human Grand Prix posted:

If Stroll wins a race I request an 11 year probation.

If I ever have to fulfill this, I'm sorry.

# ? Feb 28, 2018 18:51

wicka: Jun 28, 2007

Human Grand Prix posted:

If Stroll wins a race I request an 11 year probation.

Do you want to go halfsies on this

# ? Feb 28, 2018 18:54

ilmucche: Mar 16, 2016

quote:

2018 season thread is up. Go fill it full of poo poo.

https://forums.somethingawful.com/s...hreadid=3850579

How did this not get turned into a pooping your diaper you big dumb gay baby joke?

# ? Feb 28, 2018 19:00

Human Grand Prix: Jan 24, 2013; by FactsAreUseless

The Kimoa Kid posted:

Do you want to go halfsies on this

No. I must do this alone.

# ? Feb 28, 2018 19:09

GramCracker: Oct 8, 2005; beauty by stroll

Human Grand Prix posted:

No. I must do this alone.

You're probably safe. I bet the forums wont be around for that to happen.

# ? Feb 28, 2018 19:19

CratSock: Aug 5, 2004; Sock Wielding Assassin

I think I had a Stroll win toxx somewhere too, but I'm too lazy to go find it, and the odds of it happening are infinitesimal so nevermind. F1 2018: anyone but Hamilton, please!

# ? Feb 28, 2018 19:27

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 25, 2024 19:48

Serjeant Buzfuz: Dec 5, 2009

I'm ready for this OTT streaming service, it's about fukkin time!

On another note, the British can get hosed cause they are still stuck with SkyF1 hahaaaaaaa

# ? Feb 28, 2018 20:02

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > F1 2018: Sir, this is a Burger King drive thru

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