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Ghostlight
Sep 25, 2009

maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me



The answer is yes. They are both inseparably YOU.

The idea that the story diverges at that point is a fundamentally metaphysical one, because it posits the idea that your existence is quintessentially separable from your consciousness - that is, it's essentially replacing the idea of a unique soul with the concept of yourself. Replicating consciousness would replicate yourself. YOU would be duplicate and experiencing two mutually exclusive existences, but they would both be YOU.

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Neddy Seagoon
Oct 12, 2012

"Hi Everybody!"
Only from outside observation. Subjectively, you are stuck wondering if the drat thing actually did anything.

Aoi
Sep 12, 2017

Perpetually a Pain.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mLfHDUAB_Ww

One of the funniest scenes in Trek, and contributed to another hilarious Worf scene in DS9 when O'Brien announces that Keiko is going to have another baby (Yoshi) while in Quark's.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYU1cFxaXj8

The General
Mar 4, 2007


"Now!?"

Blistex
Oct 30, 2003

Macho Business
Donkey Wrestler

"Minsk".

Ghost Leviathan
Mar 2, 2017

Exploration is ill-advised.
Remember when O'Brien and Kira tried desperately not to have sex

VectorSigma
Jan 20, 2004

Transform
and
Freak Out



https://twitter.com/TNG_S8/status/995079420296622083

Kitchner
Nov 9, 2012

IT CAN'T BE BARGAINED WITH.
IT CAN'T BE REASONED WITH.
IT DOESN'T FEEL PITY, OR REMORSE, OR FEAR.
AND IT ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT STOP, EVER, UNTIL YOU ADMIT YOU'RE WRONG ABOUT WARHAMMER
Clapping Larry

Ghostlight posted:

The answer is yes. They are both inseparably YOU.

The idea that the story diverges at that point is a fundamentally metaphysical one, because it posits the idea that your existence is quintessentially separable from your consciousness - that is, it's essentially replacing the idea of a unique soul with the concept of yourself. Replicating consciousness would replicate yourself. YOU would be duplicate and experiencing two mutually exclusive existences, but they would both be YOU.

Tell that to Thomas Riker.

Facebook Aunt
Oct 4, 2008

wiggle wiggle




Kitchner posted:

Tell that to Thomas Riker.

Thomas Riker is Riker tho. If anyone is an imposter it's the one on the enterprise.

Owlbear Camus
Jan 3, 2013

Maybe this guy that flies is just sort of passing through, you know?



It was sort of weird how they picked up this guy who had been in isolation for years and years and are just like "okay yeah return to duty; and part of that duty will include the existential brain-twist of working for yourself."

Also kind of funny how if "Riker was stranded by a transporter malfunction" had been the premise of an episode, instead of it ending with him stranded indefinitely he would have found a way to reverse engineer his communicator to get out a distress signal to distant subspace and been rescued in 39 minutes, with enough time for a coda about how he made friends with an adversarial alien along the way or whatever.

Clearly the main cast member will to power got beamed away from him.

tactlessbastard
Feb 4, 2001

Godspeed, post
Fun Shoe
It's like when Potatoes spent a life time in prison and then it's like, hope you enjoyed your weekend, get back to work.

simplefish
Mar 28, 2011

So long, and thanks for all the fish gallbladdΣrs!


Why did they give Picard a jacket to wear open in S5? Was it to make him cool and laid back? Because that is the antithesis of his personality

Gutcruncher
Apr 16, 2005

Go home and be a family man!
Its just a fancy captains-only jacket just cuz. Kirk had a captains shirt and Sisko had a captains vest. Janeway didn’t get anything.

John Wick of Dogs
Mar 4, 2017

A real hellraiser


I just watched the episode with the O'Brien replicant who goes through hell trying to save this alien race's peace conference, gets killed by one of them and then everyone's like "Oh well, play the single brass instrument of sadness".

The episode didn't go into this, but Starfleet is going off a rumor he could be a replicant. Bashir can't tell the difference. The "real" O'Brien was rescued by the rebels they were worried about anyway. I'm not sure the guy who got killed was the replicant.

CaptainSkinny
Apr 22, 2011

You get it?
No.


tactlessbastard posted:

It's like when Potatoes spent a life time in prison and then it's like, hope you enjoyed your weekend, get back to work.

There is no PTSD in the 24th century. Humanity has evolved beyond silly things like letting torture affect you. This is true because anti-bullying campaigns work.

Neddy Seagoon
Oct 12, 2012

"Hi Everybody!"

simplefish posted:

Why did they give Picard a jacket to wear open in S5? Was it to make him cool and laid back? Because that is the antithesis of his personality

Please do not besmirch the Picardigan.

Facebook Aunt
Oct 4, 2008

wiggle wiggle




simplefish posted:

Why did they give Picard a jacket to wear open in S5? Was it to make him cool and laid back? Because that is the antithesis of his personality

No, it's because the federation have like 10 healthy adult citizens for every legitimate job opportunity. Redesigning the uniforms every few years is harmless, and lets a department of military fashion designers feel useful.


Maybe it's not even a department. More of a contest. Picard is just happy his stupid jacket doesn't say "Boaty McBoatface" on the back.

VictorianQueerLit
Aug 25, 2017

simplefish posted:

Why did they give Picard a jacket to wear open in S5? Was it to make him cool and laid back? Because that is the antithesis of his personality

Maybe the steady financial success of TNG had resulted in a gut or something he didn't feel looked flattering in the standard uniform.

Also i didn't realize they basically said people use the holodeck to gently caress on TNG. In that episode where that super hot metamorph empath comes out of her stasis and starts trying to gently caress everyone Riker reluctantly leaves her quarters with a huge boner and calls the bridge and says "I'll be on holodeck 4"

VictorianQueerLit
Aug 25, 2017

tactlessbastard posted:

It's like when Potatoes spent a life time in prison and then it's like, hope you enjoyed your weekend, get back to work.

The hosed up part about that is he broke his lover's neck over some scraps of food he was saving for him.

And don't say they weren't loving. Two dudes were locked together in a cell for decades. That is what made the story extra tragic, he killed his prison wife.

CaptainSkinny
Apr 22, 2011

You get it?
No.


VictorianQueerLit posted:

The hosed up part about that is he broke his lover's neck over some scraps of food he was saving for him.

And don't say they weren't loving. Two dudes were locked together in a cell for decades. That is what made the story extra tragic, he killed his prison wife.

So basically Potatoes rapes and kills someone, then he plays the victim card?

DrBouvenstein
Feb 28, 2007

I think I'm a doctor, but that doesn't make me a doctor. This fancy avatar does.

Gutcruncher posted:

Its just a fancy captains-only jacket just cuz. Kirk had a captains shirt and Sisko had a captains vest. Janeway didn’t get anything.

Janeway was about to get a jacket, but then BLT got knocked up but they weren't ready for her and Nick Locarno Tom Paris to have a trans-warp-born-baby yet, so they had to dye it yellow and put some "space pens" in the pocket for her.

VictorianQueerLit
Aug 25, 2017

CaptainSkinny posted:

So basically Potatoes rapes and kills someone, then he plays the victim card?

No, he was in prison for twenty years before snapping and killing his cellmate because he was hiding food from him. It turns out his cellmate was saving them both food because they were in a loving relationship.

After being released from that prison and finding out that only a couple of real hours had passed everyone just expected him to act like he had a rough lunch break and not two decades of imprisonment so he buries a phaser deep in the fat of his neck and tries to kill himself.

It's still a top 5 attempted Trek Suicide but nothing tops Neelix trying to beam himself into space because he finds out the giant cat tree afterlife isn't real.

VictorianQueerLit fucked around with this message at 16:41 on May 18, 2018

Neddy Seagoon
Oct 12, 2012

"Hi Everybody!"

VictorianQueerLit posted:

It's still a top 5 attempted Trek Suicide but nothing tops Neelix trying to beam himself into space because he finds out the giant cat tree afterlife isn't real.

You're forgetting the akoochemoya mind-trip into his own subconscious to try and resolve his inner demons, only to have his subconscious flat-out tell him "kill yourself. Do it, you pussy".

Eighties ZomCom
Sep 10, 2008




Or that it's been shown that the afterlife exists for most species, just not Talaxians because they're trash people.

CaptainSkinny
Apr 22, 2011

You get it?
No.


Or maybe he doesn't go to an afterlife because he's a pedophile. I would assume that most gods would frown upon that.

Hector Beerlioz
Jun 16, 2010

aw, hec

CaptainSkinny posted:

Or maybe he doesn't go to an afterlife because he's a pedophile. I would assume that most gods would frown upon that.

she ages in dog years so its ok

Mycroft Holmes
Mar 26, 2010

by Azathoth

CaptainSkinny posted:

Or maybe he doesn't go to an afterlife because he's a pedophile. I would assume that most gods would frown upon that.

are you not familiar with the catholic church

Burning_Monk
Jan 11, 2005
Mad, Bad, and Dangerous to know

Mycroft Holmes posted:

are you not familiar with the catholic church

Or really any ancient religion.

Gatekeeper
Aug 3, 2003

He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

Hector Beerlioz posted:

she ages in dog years so its ok

oh good so she's 7 instead of 1

Johnny Aztec
Jan 30, 2005

by Hand Knit
No, she is by Federation standards, a legal adult.

CaptainSkinny
Apr 22, 2011

You get it?
No.


I guess in the 24th century they've evolved past concepts such as age of consent

Kitchner
Nov 9, 2012

IT CAN'T BE BARGAINED WITH.
IT CAN'T BE REASONED WITH.
IT DOESN'T FEEL PITY, OR REMORSE, OR FEAR.
AND IT ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT STOP, EVER, UNTIL YOU ADMIT YOU'RE WRONG ABOUT WARHAMMER
Clapping Larry

CaptainSkinny posted:

I guess in the 24th century they've evolved past concepts such as age of consent

Star Aatrek

VictorianQueerLit
Aug 25, 2017
I realized Trek has a lot of suicides in it so i made a mock cracked.com list that I'm sure probably exists somewhere already

Top Trek Attempted Suicides

Malcom Reed tries to suck vacuum

In a valiant attempt to keep a stiff upper lip the ships extremely British security officer tries to kill himself by removing his oxygen supply on a space walk to stop Scott Bakula from smirking at him like a douche all the time. Unfortunately, like his country, he got shut down by an American.


Gomtuu gives up

Exhausted from millenia of doing dick all a space calzone decides to bake itself beyond perfection next to an exploding star. It's death is postponed so that an insufferable rear end in a top hat can sit in one of those Lexx butthole licking chairs for a few decades.

The guy that looks like Mister Feeny

This giant nerd gets all pissy that Riker hosed Frasier's wife or something and makes Riker shoot him in the face but unfortunately he was too stupid to realize the giant 4 inch wide power indicator was a power indicator and he was only stunned.

Worf Really wants to die

When Deanna gets chocolate wasted or something and starts hallucinating she is held up by wires on a green screen the crew starts to go insane and the first thing Worf does is try to swallow a Bud K clearance item.


Then when the only object on board that hasn't kicked his rear end, a barrel, decides to kick his rear end he decides living in a wheelchair or even being able to walk relatively well is too much work and asks Riker to bring him his knife. The only thing that stops him is that Riker wants to involve his lovely kid in the ritual.

Mind Invasion #4,505

I'm not at this point on my rewatch yet and the only thing I remember from this episode is that it's really weird how the nacelles are apparently completely empty except for giant spark plugs directly under a doorway. You would think there would be some advanced science stuff in there or something. Do people hang out in there all the time? Is someone trying to kick those sparkplug things back into place like Kirk in Into Darkness? Is that what happens when Warp Drive goes down everytime they hit a space possum or whatever?

Anyway Deanna Troi gets mind invaded because it's Thursday and almost throws herself into the spark plugs.

Bajorans are universally terrible

This counts as an attempted suicide because this guy wanted to stay on his farm and the idiot Bajorans wanted to blow up the arable moon to provide power for their starving population even though infinite clean energy exists and the phasers they all carry around could power a household. The important thing here is that memory alpha says that there were dog sized spiders on the moon. Who the gently caress would want to stay on dog spider moon?

Anyway he is saved when Kira blows up his house and ignores his pleas for the sweet release of death and drags him off of his land against his will.

Neelix almost redeems himself

When Neelix is killed by some space lightning the crew starts planning a party but the Doctor goes against everyone's wishes and disobeys a direct order from my heart to revive the angry retarded space cat that reeks of rancid space cat piss and stalks children. He is distraught that his giant cat tree in the sky isn't real and he only saw the horrible oblivion awaiting him after death. He almost succeeds in making the best episode of any Trek ever by beaming himself into space but they lure him off the transporter pad with a child.

Potatoes O'Dyin

After getting twenty years of prison implanted in his head O'Brien is unable to handle the fact that he snapped the neck of his prison wife who was trying to do something nice for him. I think he also tried to hit his daughter or something because he was so hosed up but nobody really seemed to care. I think Bashir reminded him of the true meaning of Ireland or something.

Hector Beerlioz
Jun 16, 2010

aw, hec

CaptainSkinny posted:

I guess in the 24th century they've evolved past concepts such as age of consent

thats what let that mind vampire get at jake

mycomancy
Oct 16, 2016

VictorianQueerLit posted:


Potatoes O'Dyin


:vince:

quote:

STAR TREK: Potatoes O'Dyin

John Wick of Dogs
Mar 4, 2017

A real hellraiser


Best successful suicides: that guy who flew into a fuckin sun while shouting "LET THERE BE LIGHT"

Kitchner
Nov 9, 2012

IT CAN'T BE BARGAINED WITH.
IT CAN'T BE REASONED WITH.
IT DOESN'T FEEL PITY, OR REMORSE, OR FEAR.
AND IT ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT STOP, EVER, UNTIL YOU ADMIT YOU'RE WRONG ABOUT WARHAMMER
Clapping Larry

VictorianQueerLit posted:

I realized Trek has a lot of suicides in it so i made a mock cracked.com list that I'm sure probably exists somewhere already


Holy poo poo I never realised star trek had so much suicide

http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Suicide

Attempted or considered

- Malcolm Reed tried to suffocate himself when pinned to the hull of Enterprise NX-01 by a Romulan mine, attempting to force Captain Archer to save the ship and crew. (ENT: "Minefield")
- Attempting suicide was grounds to relieve a flag officer of command according to Starfleet Order 104, Section C. In 2267, Spock threatened to relieve Commodore Matt Decker per that regulation after stating he would interpret Decker's initial refusal to veer off from an attack on the Planet killer as a suicide attempt. (TOS: "The Doomsday Machine")
- That same year Isak asked James Kirk and Spock, who were imprisoned with him by the National Socialist Party of Ekos, if they were trying to kill themselves when he observed them removing subcutaneous transponders from their arms. (TOS: "Patterns of Force")
- Commander Ari bn Bem considered ceasing to exist, but the god-like alien entity inhabiting Delta Theta III did not wish harm to come to him and thus convinced him not to. (TAS: "Bem")
- In 2366, the living starship Gomtuu attempted to die by entering orbit of Beta Stromgren, a star on the verge of supernova. (TNG: "Tin Man")
- In 2367, Minister Krola tried to kill himself with William T. Riker's phaser, intending to make it look like Riker killed him so Chancellor Avel Durken would not choose to pursue diplomatic relations with the Federation. Fortunately for him, Riker's phaser was only set on stun. (TNG: "First Contact")
- Soon after, Worf almost committed suicide aboard the USS Enterprise-D, due to the fear he felt caused by dream deprivation. Deanna Troi talked him out of it. (TNG: "Night Terrors")
- Troi nearly killed herself under telepathic influence after experiencing very disturbing hallucinations. (TNG: "Eye of the Beholder")
- Lieutenant Commander Data once considered zeroing his neural net, essentially wiping his entire memory and committing suicide. The formation of new neural pathways was very disorienting and he felt that starting all over again would be easier. He later decided not to do it. (TNG: "Eye of the Beholder")
- In 2369, Commander Benjamin Sisko considered the accident of Ty Kajada in Quark's as a possible suicide not knowing that she was attacked by Rao Vantika's consciousness in Doctor Julian Bashir. (DS9: "The Passenger")
- The same year Mullibok considered suicide by staying at his cottage home on the Bajoran moon Jerrado although the Bajoran Provisional Government evacuated the moon to use its planetary core for energy mining. (DS9: "Progress")
- In 2370, Elim Garak tried to commit suicide by injecting himself large doses of triptacederine because of the pain caused by his cranial implant. He was stopped by Doctor Julian Bashir. (DS9: "The Wire")
- Neelix nearly killed himself after being brought back from death with Borg nanoprobes and experiencing a serious crisis of faith. He almost beamed himself into open space, but Chakotay managed to stop him in time. (VOY: "Mortal Coil")
- Miles O'Brien almost killed himself with a phaser after experiencing two decades of virtual imprisonment in an Argrathi prison. He was talked out of it by Julian Bashir. (DS9: "Hard Time")
- Worf wanted Riker to help him perform a ritual suicide called hegh'bat after experiencing a paralyzing spinal injury. (TNG: "Ethics")
- Worf's brother Kurn wanted Worf to kill him in order to restore the honor of their family. (DS9: "Sons of Mogh")
- Vidiian Danara Pel attempted to kill her real phage-ravaged body, after her consciousness had been transferred into a hologram, in order to spend more time with The Doctor. Eventually, she returned to her own body. (VOY: "Lifesigns")
- The single survivor of a shipwreck, Anna, threatened to kill herself by jumping off a cliff in order to make Picard fall in love with her. In reality she was Voval, an Iyaaran ambassador assigned to investigate the Human emotion of love. (TNG: "Liaisons")
- While trying to fight Borg nanoprobes, Phlox gave Captain Archer a hypospray with a neural toxin that would kill Phlox in seconds should his omicron particle treatment prove unsuccessful. (ENT: "Regeneration")
- In 2369 the Trill Jadzia Dax was accused of treason and murder. She said nothing about the accusations of Dax's former host Curzon Dax and was silent during the hearing, knowing that this would cost her life. (DS9: "Dax")

Suicide performed

- Charles, a Vissian Cogenitor, killed itself after Archer declined asylum in an attempt to get equal rights, and the Vissian vessel departed. (ENT: "Cogenitor")
- Ensign Masaro killed himself with a phase-pistol after confronting Captain Archer regarding his involvement with Terra Prime. (ENT: "Terra Prime")
- Commander Tucker sacrificed himself while trying to save Captain Archer from a group of alien criminals. (ENT: "These Are the Voyages...")
- Specialist Michael Burnham committed suicide using weaponized dark matter while stuck in a time loop to force Harry Mudd, who was controlling the loop, to reset it in order to prevent her death. This was part of a plan to regain control of the USS Discovery which Mudd had seized. (DIS: "Magic to Make the Sanest Man Go Mad")
- Lieutenant Joe Tormolen, under the influence of polywater intoxication after an away mission to Psi 2000, became morose and committed suicide by stabbing himself with a dinner knife. Although Tormolen received medical attention and his wound should have been treatable, he died in surgery. Doctor Leonard McCoy later remarked that Tormolen died because he didn't want to live. (TOS: "The Naked Time")
- Roger Korby committed suicide in 2266 while being kissed by the android Andrea on Exo III. Korby neutralized himself and Andrea in the action. (TOS: "What Are Little Girls Made Of?")
- Commodore Matt Decker committed suicide by piloting a shuttlecraft into the planet killer after being relieved of command of the Enterprise. As it turned out, in doing so he gave Captain Kirk the hint required to destroy the planet killer. (TOS: "The Doomsday Machine")
- Kryton committed suicide with a phaser after sabotaging the engines of the Enterprise for the Klingons, in order to keep the sabotage secret. (TOS: "Elaan of Troyius")
- Thelev, an Orion disguised as an Andorian ambassador, committed suicide with a poison pill to avoid capture after a mission to disrupt the Babel Conference failed. Although he said it was a "slow poison", he died quicker than even he expected. His comrades died when setting off the auto-destruct on the ship they were using to attack the Enterprise. (TOS: "Journey to Babel")
- The M-5 multitronic unit terminated itself after understanding its crimes against Humanity. (TOS: "The Ultimate Computer")
- Members of the Starnes Expedition to Triacus killed themselves as a result of mental illness inflicted upon them by the Gorgan, acting through their children. (TOS: "And the Children Shall Lead")
- Dr. Sevrin knowingly ate acid-laced fruit on what he believed to be the planet Eden, rather than return to the Enterprise. (TOS: "The Way to Eden").
- Captain Clark Terrell vaporized himself with a phaser to stop the pain of the Ceti eel and prevent himself from killing Admiral Kirk under Khan's influence. (Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan)
- Khan Noonien Singh committed suicide by detonating the Genesis Device aboard the USS Reliant. (Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan)
- In the alternate reality, Thomas Harewood committed suicide when he was coerced by John Harrison to blow up the Kelvin Memorial Archive in exchange for having saved his daughter's life. (Star Trek Into Darkness)
- Lieutenant Daniel Kwan killed himself under telepathic influence by jumping into the plasma stream of the warp nacelle's plasma injector. (TNG: "Eye of the Beholder")
- In an alternate timeline in which his father became trapped in subspace during a subspace inversion, an elderly Jake Sisko injected himself with poison during the short time when his father re-appeared in normal space -- by dying when their "bond" was at its strongest, he was able to send him back to the time of the accident, and the captain knew to dodge the energy discharge which would trap him in the first place. (DS9: "The Visitor")
- Quinn, a member of the Q Continuum, wanted to become mortal in order to kill himself. Later he succeeded, poisoning himself with Nogatch hemlock provided by Q. (VOY: "Death Wish")
- Scientist Gideon Seyetik flew a shuttlepod into the dead star at Epsilon 119, dying in the name of science to restart the star's nuclear reactions. His wife Nidell was unable to divorce him even if she wanted to. He felt how unhappy she was and decided the only way to make her happy was to end his life. (DS9: "Second Sight")
- Teirna of the Kazon-Nistrim detonated a bomb inside his body while he was in captivity on Voyager. (VOY: "Basics, Part I")
- Boraalan Vorin performed ritual suicide due to cultural shock. He was unable to cope with the transition from his pre-industrial culture to the highly futuristic 24th century. (TNG: "Homeward")
- Defective clone Weyoun 6 killed himself with the Vorta termination implant in order to protect Odo. (DS9: "Treachery, Faith and the Great River")
- Hekaran scientist Serova blew up her ship while on board in order to prove that warp drives were dangerous. (TNG: "Force of Nature")
- Romulan defector Alidar Jarok killed himself with a Felodesine chip after hearing that all his information was worthless and everything was futile. (TNG: "The Defector")
- Vedek Yassim, in order to protest the occupation of Deep Space 9 and the evil the Prophets had seen in the Dominion, committed suicide on the Promenade of the station by hanging herself. (DS9: "Rocks and Shoals")
- Luther Sloan triggered a suicide device while attempting to prevent Julian Bashir from finding the cure for the Changeling disease, stored in his memory. (DS9: "Extreme Measures")
- The Cardassians claimed that William Samuels, a member of the Maquis responsible for the destruction of the Cardassian freighter Bok'Nor, committed suicide after his interrogation. (DS9: "The Maquis, Part I")
- A squad of Jem'Hadar having failed to prevent the death of a Founder, killed themselves for their failure. (DS9: "The Ship")
- A member of Species 8472 disguised as David Gentry released a cellular toxin into his bloodstream on discovering that he had been captured by Humans, therefore killing the member of Species 8472. (VOY: "In the Flesh")

VictorianQueerLit
Aug 25, 2017
Yeah I didn't even get into most of the attempted suicides or any of the actual suicides.

It didn't fit in my gimmick post but that guy from Enterprise with the comical phaser pistol had a great image


You just expect it to make "Zkow Zkow" sound effects with flashing lights like those dollar store toy guns.

Owlbear Camus
Jan 3, 2013

Maybe this guy that flies is just sort of passing through, you know?



Oh man I'd forgotten about poor captain Terrel.

Hey maybe count the planets next time, dude.

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FuturePastNow
May 19, 2014


VictorianQueerLit posted:

I realized Trek has a lot of suicides in it so i made a mock cracked.com list that I'm sure probably exists somewhere already

Top Trek Attempted Suicides

Malcom Reed tries to suck vacuum

In a valiant attempt to keep a stiff upper lip the ships extremely British security officer tries to kill himself by removing his oxygen supply on a space walk to stop Scott Bakula from smirking at him like a douche all the time. Unfortunately, like his country, he got shut down by an American.


Gomtuu gives up

Exhausted from millenia of doing dick all a space calzone decides to bake itself beyond perfection next to an exploding star. It's death is postponed so that an insufferable rear end in a top hat can sit in one of those Lexx butthole licking chairs for a few decades.

The guy that looks like Mister Feeny

This giant nerd gets all pissy that Riker hosed Frasier's wife or something and makes Riker shoot him in the face but unfortunately he was too stupid to realize the giant 4 inch wide power indicator was a power indicator and he was only stunned.

Worf Really wants to die

When Deanna gets chocolate wasted or something and starts hallucinating she is held up by wires on a green screen the crew starts to go insane and the first thing Worf does is try to swallow a Bud K clearance item.


Then when the only object on board that hasn't kicked his rear end, a barrel, decides to kick his rear end he decides living in a wheelchair or even being able to walk relatively well is too much work and asks Riker to bring him his knife. The only thing that stops him is that Riker wants to involve his lovely kid in the ritual.

Mind Invasion #4,505

I'm not at this point on my rewatch yet and the only thing I remember from this episode is that it's really weird how the nacelles are apparently completely empty except for giant spark plugs directly under a doorway. You would think there would be some advanced science stuff in there or something. Do people hang out in there all the time? Is someone trying to kick those sparkplug things back into place like Kirk in Into Darkness? Is that what happens when Warp Drive goes down everytime they hit a space possum or whatever?

Anyway Deanna Troi gets mind invaded because it's Thursday and almost throws herself into the spark plugs.

Bajorans are universally terrible

This counts as an attempted suicide because this guy wanted to stay on his farm and the idiot Bajorans wanted to blow up the arable moon to provide power for their starving population even though infinite clean energy exists and the phasers they all carry around could power a household. The important thing here is that memory alpha says that there were dog sized spiders on the moon. Who the gently caress would want to stay on dog spider moon?

Anyway he is saved when Kira blows up his house and ignores his pleas for the sweet release of death and drags him off of his land against his will.

Neelix almost redeems himself

When Neelix is killed by some space lightning the crew starts planning a party but the Doctor goes against everyone's wishes and disobeys a direct order from my heart to revive the angry retarded space cat that reeks of rancid space cat piss and stalks children. He is distraught that his giant cat tree in the sky isn't real and he only saw the horrible oblivion awaiting him after death. He almost succeeds in making the best episode of any Trek ever by beaming himself into space but they lure him off the transporter pad with a child.

Potatoes O'Dyin

After getting twenty years of prison implanted in his head O'Brien is unable to handle the fact that he snapped the neck of his prison wife who was trying to do something nice for him. I think he also tried to hit his daughter or something because he was so hosed up but nobody really seemed to care. I think Bashir reminded him of the true meaning of Ireland or something.

how could you forget https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3AZabqpT6sg&t=18s

Well, I guess that's not attempted

FuturePastNow fucked around with this message at 21:02 on May 18, 2018

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