The Titanic posted:

Breeding of a Spaceman

We know that in Star Citizen nobody really wants to see women. Women aren't really our major backers. Women just aren't really anything in the world of Star Citizen outside of one or two and a handful we pay.

This is why it's important to understand the goals of Star Citizen 4.0, which are already functioning now in our internal "pure male" secret build.

In the world of Star Citizen we know when you shoot a bitch, we don't want it to be an actual bitch. We want it to be a burly space man, so your testosterone fueled killing rage can have a sense of fulfillment we know you simply can't achieve when the slumped over and rag doll twisting night horror that is our physics engine barfing on itself simply can't provide you.

Therefore in 4.0 we are introducing a "no gurls allowed" version, and since we need extreme fidelity, we're also building an entire universe dedicated to nothing but strong, powerful men. We have hired some of the best incels on reddit to help us properly capture exactly how this universe will function as well as the expected behavior of our npc only few females we provide to you like slabs of meat for your entertainment as a strong man.


We are developing a new npc communication system, that allows a man to select different dynamic options when speaking with females. So far we have the following items on our interaction wheel, accessible via your mobiglass interface:

1: Insult
2: Slap in face to stay silent
3: Give me sex now
4: Claim as my waifu
5: Make food now
6: Sell me item but give me discount because you find me attractive

The universe of Star Citizen will definitely be male dominated, and we know it's important that there are women. Mostly for purposes of making food and occasionally nasty, dominant sex where your npc female will beg for more and scream your characters name in wild passion. We are recording over 690,000 names, including things like "XxXGokuXxX" and "SlayerMan" and "BitchMaker" and "WTFOsaurus" and other names women may normally find hugely offensive or afraid of.

But since fidelity comes first, our lore masters are also altering the very nature of how new space mans are created. The gently caress-womb is now optional. You can now directly jack off into a cone connected to a man dispenser. This in-lore system will then create an awesome clone of you, but of course not quite as awesome because he will be your child, and your child can never be more cool and brave than you.

You will still find women in the game though, don't worry! They will be shop keepers, complete with a counter that if you stand on it, your balls are at the perfect height to slap her in the face with. There will also be slave bitches whom you can purchase for use in your hot tub. If they get too rambunctious with lusting for you during a manly situation like blowing up another strong and capable man, feel free to just eject them into space. In Star Citizen, the little represented sex of a non-penis persuasion doesn't really have rights or equality, so go through as many as necessary!

There will be no women in the military, because hahahaha what are you loving crazy? (PS: except for Pusher because she is truly the best - SG added to lore).

However this is definitely not to say there will not be women during missions! There will be some! They will, of course, be captured and enslaved because they are naturally weak and susceptible to being taken hostage and as slaves both by npcs and other players.

Here is our first ever mission we wanted to share, where in your task is to rescue one of these retarded gently caress toys:


She is of course captured and restrained, waiting for you to do whatever you wish with her. We definitely felt this was the first step we wanted to share with the community, so everybody realizes that this game is the gritty, honest truth about how women need to be depicted within games.

Stay tuned for more lore masters as we explore "the semen trunk" where you store your life providing semen into a Life Pod that can be used as an extra life in the event of your untimely death. Please review Death of a Spaceman for those implications.

Also join us as dedicated women haters create and share their new "female language" that allows women characters to speak to each other in timid grunts and moans. Also in that segment we will show you how we are sinking millions into making a written language for these creatures as well. It uses sigils like tampons, sandwiches, and kitchen utensils to combine into a complex language of up to 100 words we allow the in game females the honor of learning.

We look forward to seeing you in the verse, fellow men whom support us with non-stop donations! And remember that if your wife disagrees with your Starl Citizen purchases, give her a good "female dialog wheel option" for where she can put her useless opinion of your definitely not an unhealthy non-addiction!

Beet Wagon posted:

EightAce posted:

Remember all the other game dev studios that Crobear has belittled or shat on over the past few glorious years ?.
Boy is that about to bite him and his merry band on the rear end in the next few months !

Fangrim posted:

Would it be OK for a male to agree with everything you just wrote, or would that be like inviting a white fan up on stage to sing at a Kendrick Lamar concert?

Asking for a friend.

Edit: taxxe

Thoatse posted:

I think it looks like hot garbage and the pitch makes him sound like the kid from a 3D-Head commercial but the funny part imo is him using a fake name to distance himself from his brother, noted game developer and Cryengine Evangelist^TM Sean Tracy which also obscures the fact he was one of the cig devs that helped turn Star Citizer's flight model to noclip trash to milk fps whales once the simwhales were dry and was in most of their propaganda videos for the first few years.



Does no ones else recognize Dan Tracy or find it amusing he's pretending not to be Dan Tracy and wasn't on team Roberts for the formative years or just no one cares? I was hoping there were some funny insights about this.



fake e: I got grimcreap'd

tuo posted:

Blue cheese on pizza rules. Even with Pineapple.

This is my post. I stand by it.

The Titanic posted:

1: Insult
2: Slap in face to stay silent
3: Give me sex now
4: Claim as my waifu
5: Make food now
6: Sell me item but give me discount because you find me attractive

G0RF posted:

Spacebar, IN SPACE!!!!!!

Lladre posted:

Apparently over two months ago they decided to close one of the twenty shell companies.
It's a good way of tidying up loops of errant cash flow.

Derek claims he decided to wait two months to mention it, which is why people here thinks he is as full of poo poo as Chris Roberts.

The Titanic posted:

gross_idiot_gamer_manchildren.txt

EightAce posted:

Remember all the other game dev studios that Crobear has belittled or shat on over the past few glorious years ?.
Boy is that about to bite him and his merry band on the rear end in the next few months !

Scruffpuff posted:

What continues to be amazing to me is how little CIG has accomplished, and how low-quality and worthless the very little they have managed to do is. There's a reason Beet and can't be bothered with this poo poo. CIG may be the worst game development team that has ever existed, based purely on the virtues of what they've actually developed. It's no excuse that "they're aiming high" and "they're doing things nobody has done before" because even were that proven to be true, they've failed at every single thing they've attempted.

Star Citizen is absolute hot garbage, an unplayable mesh of bugs coded by the most inept team imaginable, working for the biggest moron who considers himself connected to gaming.

I've played bad games. I've wrestled with the old Commodore 64 "3 games on one disc" deal that confused grandparents would gift on Christmas. I've played old hacked pirated poo poo, old mods from before the modding community was a thing, loving E.T. on the 2600.

Nothing I've ever seen is as bad as what CIG has made here. In a sane world, everyone who installed and played this game for more than 10 minutes would be at CIG headquarters with torches and pitchforks.

stingtwo posted:

Sorry for rambling

AutismVaccine posted:

On totally related SC news:

Those wannabe game devs at Paradox released their 2.1 Stellaris Story Update "Niven". Not only they deliver content for your 10 bux, the update also runs smoothly and is not bugridden beyond hope.

Imo they dont understand game development.

https://forum.paradoxplaza.com/forum/index.php?threads/dev-team-niven-update-2-1-0-released-checksum-01a9.1099864/

Daztek posted:

They're only at patch 2.1?

Quavers posted:

So for those people requesting refunds in USA, do they still send the refund request to RSI, or CIG? I'm confused.

Mr Fronts posted:

It doesn't matter. "Wrong company, it's some other one" is always the response, regardless of which one they contact.

nnnotime posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ymD-oOuEd8E

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7BDuTiHC3I

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vOlxtVQVGYU