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jit bull transpile posted:The couple of peeps I'm thinking of are in particular anxious about second hand stores because they feel conspicuous if they don't buy anything and you're banking on equally tall women having donated stuff. It's one of those early transition anxieties lots of us go through. of course they're conspicuous, that's why they're at a second hand store, you dig?
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Aug 4, 2018 08:42
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I thought this was a known thing. I'm coming at this as a very poor person though
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Aug 4, 2018 08:44
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SmokaDustbowl posted:of course they're conspicuous, that's why they're at a second hand store, you dig? as in, it feels safer shopping second hand because the people in second hand shops are less judgey? that's pretty useful advice actually. gonna share that with a few newly-out folks at work. our group at work has a pretty cool dynamic in that it includes all worldwide employees so managers all the way to juice bar staff and such, so you get a pretty broad cross-section of people with questions and I don't always know where to go for answers, but I think this actually answers one of the discussion email threads we had today.
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Aug 4, 2018 08:47
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if you're trans they wont let you try thing on at a normal person store
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Aug 4, 2018 08:47
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I mean I can understand that people dont want second hand poo poo
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Aug 4, 2018 08:49
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SmokaDustbowl posted:I thought this was a known thing. I'm coming at this as a very poor person though I got most of my initial transition advice from other goons and friends through my work's resource group, and the secondhand stores where I lived at the time were known to be transphobic because they were all christian run. Your perspective is actually really valuable here. I can't imagine going through transition back when I was working 5 jobs and still having to shoplift lunch to make ends meet. it's impressive that you're doing it anyway.
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Aug 4, 2018 08:49
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SmokaDustbowl posted:if you're trans they wont let you try thing on at a normal person store i think you'd be surprised. i was terrified the first time i bought a plain black women's T from like a target, but nobody noticed or cared. for like a year every purchase felt like an epic struggle. eventually it just stops feeling weird and starts feeling like shoppin
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Aug 4, 2018 08:51
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jit bull transpile posted:I got most of my initial transition advice from other goons and friends through my work's resource group, and the secondhand stores where I lived at the time were known to be transphobic because they were all christian run. it;s impossible for me to transition, but I like hoodies and skirts tbh
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Aug 4, 2018 08:51
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I'm mostly scared of getting my rear end kicked
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Aug 4, 2018 08:56
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SmokaDustbowl posted:it;s impossible for me to transition, but I like hoodies and skirts tbh i'm too tired to carry a full discussion, but for the record "transition" just means "doing what you need to feel comfortable with your gender". if that's wearing hoodies and skirts then cool. you don't have to be on a million hormones and wear makeup or have surgeries or whatever else unless you want them. I'd be glad to talk more about it tomorrow. Otherwise I'm just playing bloodborne. I'm trying to get my guy prepped to fight moon presence with my wife on couch coop when she gets back.
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Aug 4, 2018 08:57
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AWHqgyWoeSk
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Aug 4, 2018 09:00
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this too https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cb_TeBGBY2M
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Aug 4, 2018 09:09
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=33B711hDgEg lol sry
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Aug 4, 2018 09:12
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I can't stop posting queer music https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1uSSRcn7UE
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Aug 4, 2018 09:14
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FLdGIJHDEO0
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Aug 4, 2018 09:26
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SmokaDustbowl posted:I'm mostly scared of getting my rear end kicked same, i'm afraid of violence whenever i go out just because i've got a pretty androgynous queer look going, i have incredible respect and envy for trans women who actually go out there in girl mode last time i seriously planned about going out in a skirt i was basically incapacitated with anxiety for a day
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Aug 4, 2018 15:07
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learn to fight. there is nothing on god’s green earth that feels better than knocking somebody the gently caress out while i’m out as Becky. like the best moment is when you kick off your heels and square up and this ignorant gently caress thought he could bully you but you’re serious and you can see the panic setting in as the situation rapidly evolves
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Aug 4, 2018 15:17
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Casual Encountess posted:learn to fight. i actually trained for a few years at a dojo (ballet classroom) run by a professor at ucd for a few years but that was twelve years and 100 lbs ago i still remember basically everything i learned there more than anything else i ever learned but while the spirit is willing the body is flabby, old and busted
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Aug 4, 2018 15:43
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atelier morgan posted:i actually trained for a few years at a dojo (ballet classroom) run by a professor at ucd for a few years but that was twelve years and 100 lbs ago you can get back everything with a bit of practice (which would also help with the flabby part) but the thing to remember is this: most people have 0 fighting experience. if you've trained 6 months in something like judo, bjj, or general mma training you're miles ahead of most anyone that would start poo poo with you.
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Aug 4, 2018 15:58
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most people are all talk and will just hurl abuse from afar, like moving vehicles or bikes, but sometimes on foot. if you’re outnumbered don’t try it, I’ve gotten jumped and it’s more about getting away. still, violence is sometimes the answer but be mindful of the situation, things can escalate terribly
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Aug 4, 2018 16:16
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i feel like just being trained in the basics of fighting is a huge advantage nine times out of ten even if you think you're heavy and flabby boxing coach insisted such few months ago before i blew out my spine (unrelated), anyway. gotta imagine with all the hip and leg work involved in anything that isn't a jab that he's right (ed) obviously oldalias is right, gotta be in control or at least aware of the overall situation first
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Aug 4, 2018 16:21
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escape is always the preferred tactic when facing down a fight because things can and do go wrong plus very few people can fight off multiple attackers. knowing how to square up and throw a punch or take someone down/choke them is a really good secondary.Ciaphas posted:i feel like just being trained in the basics of fighting is a huge advantage nine times out of ten even if you think you're heavy and flabby absolutely 100%.
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Aug 4, 2018 16:23
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yesterday was the trans march. I will always fight back
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Aug 4, 2018 16:37
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buying clothes is the worst, the vast majority of the 2nd hand places here are Salvation Army, or St Vincent De Paul's (which isn't much batter). There's a clothes swap at the Gender Centre, but it's sort of aimed at way more binary people, and there's a place in king's cross that has stuff but like. i am an awkward size to buy clothes new, let alone old current biggest problem is i'm often too tall for the way shirts are cut for my size? shoes are an unavoidable hell. most bigoted abuse i've gotten since childhood has been at a distance, except with like. ill informed medical practitioners. probably a good (if stressful) idea to figure out what you'd do in situations like that (some fucker yelling at you, or a doctor misdiagnosing you/talking poo poo), regardless of learning to fight (though that might be good, too) most dress-wearers i know who ride, wear leggings (either athletic or just, fashion) under their dresses and just ride with their dress tucked up onto the seat, so that's kind of an option if that's comfy for you?
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Aug 4, 2018 17:41
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What’s a good way to shut down people who are saying transphobic things? I was in a situation recently with a very ignorant couple of people around me who started going down that road when in the presence of a trans person. Now, she couldn’t hear them at all, and they moved on to another subject without making any offensive comments, but it made me cringe and I’d like to say something more productive than shut the gently caress up should it happen again.
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Aug 4, 2018 17:51
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Lain Iwakura posted:yesterday was the trans march. I will always fight back I feel like that too, at the core, but it won’t turn out well for you if you say always, especially if you don’t have self defence training. barring that some people feel safer with self defence weapons, at least to immobilize an attacker so you can get away (pepper spray, taser, etc). as cool smth like switchblades are, they can make your situation worse by escalation, but having something blunt around like a flashlight is not the worst idea. self preserve first, but sometimes it’s necessary to fight
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Aug 4, 2018 18:03
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incels interlinked posted:What’s a good way to shut down people who are saying transphobic things? I was in a situation recently with a very ignorant couple of people around me who started going down that road when in the presence of a trans person. Now, she couldn’t hear them at all, and they moved on to another subject without making any offensive comments, but it made me cringe and I’d like to say something more productive than shut the gently caress up should it happen again. you can’t reason with bigots, at best they’ll stop it around you and just keep talking like that among their own kind e. vvv agreed tho 
OldAlias fucked around with this message at 19:09 on Aug 4, 2018 |
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Aug 4, 2018 18:04
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OldAlias posted:you can’t reason with bigots, at best they’ll stop it around you and just keep talking like that among their own kind Sure, but getting them to shut up in public is a good first step. If they are shamed for talking like that, that's a good thing.
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Aug 4, 2018 18:54
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Lain Iwakura posted:yesterday was the trans march. I will always fight back right on!
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Aug 4, 2018 19:40
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jit bull transpile posted:Sure, but getting them to shut up in public is a good first step. If they are shamed for talking like that, that's a good thing. yeah, they need to not feel safe talking like that in arbitrary places that‘s why bigots have become such “free speech” advocates lately: it works
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Aug 4, 2018 19:44
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eschaton posted:yeah, they need to not feel safe talking like that in arbitrary places  as always, my thinkpad is Correct in the general attitude that needs to be taken
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Aug 4, 2018 19:53
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call out pricks, for sure. shame often works, but some have none - in that case be mindful that attention can be double edged. frustrating dealing w/ certain family about this. just telling people to shut up point blank can work, sometimes not
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Aug 4, 2018 20:07
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OldAlias posted:call out pricks, for sure. shame often works, but some have none - in that case be mindful that attention can be double edged. frustrating dealing w/ certain family about this. just telling people to shut up point blank can work, sometimes not This is an important point. If you, as a non queer person, want to help in a situation, make sure the queer person actually wants your help first. Move over to them and just ask if they want help or if they want you to say something. If they say no, then just let it go and don't do something that might bring unwanted attention to them.
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Aug 4, 2018 20:21
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ive been working really hard on 2 things: pronoun usage, and asking for consent before offering help or advice. i'm naturally a Fixer so i can get into that lovely WELL ALL WE NEED TO DO IS mode. sometimes that's not right at all
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Aug 4, 2018 20:42
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SmokaDustbowl posted:I'm mostly scared of getting my rear end kicked And it all adds up, so I somewhat regret having the chip on my shoulder I did and can't really recommend going as gung-ho as some folk here seem to be for a fight.
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Aug 4, 2018 21:47
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Casual Encountess posted:learn to fight. my wife was a blackbelt in karate and some other belt in something else (jiu jitsu I think?) before she transitioned but now she's terrified of having "visible muscles" or "gross veiny arms" so she's lost most of her muscle mass she can still flip me onto the ground before i even know what's happening if she wants, and i'm over a foot taller and like twice as heavy as her, it's fun 
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Aug 4, 2018 21:48
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see that’s where i’m at. i like being muscular and i’m trying to reconstruct my idea of femininity to encompass that idea because yeah i actually do enjoy being in great physical shape and i absolutely don’t want to lose the muscle mass i worked so hard for
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Aug 4, 2018 22:10
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tbh even if i can fight the anxiety of having to be prepared for it just by virtue of existing in a public space sucks and is miserable and contributes to my not leaving the house much which like, lol, ofc that's what bigotry does and i've got it easier than a whooooooole lot of people but doesn't make it any less miserable, its just venting
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Aug 4, 2018 22:24
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Jonny 290 posted:ive been working really hard on 2 things: pronoun usage, and asking for consent before offering help or advice. i'm naturally a Fixer so i can get into that lovely WELL ALL WE NEED TO DO IS mode. sometimes that's not right at all likewise
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Aug 4, 2018 22:33
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Casual Encountess posted:see that’s where i’m at. i like being muscular and i’m trying to reconstruct my idea of femininity to encompass that idea because yeah i actually do enjoy being in great physical shape and i absolutely don’t want to lose the muscle mass i worked so hard for one day I will look like Serena Williams.
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Aug 4, 2018 22:33
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