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My boss tells me corporate is complaining about wasted work hours and they are going to check everyones keystroke logging. I replied "If into the security recordings you go, only pain will you find."
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Aug 11, 2018 12:08
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when the mcrib is back "I’ve been dying a little bit each day since you came back into my life.”
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Aug 11, 2018 12:15
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SciFiDownBeat posted:When I'm getting lunch That says "Order number number 66" Mine simply has " Order: 66" I'm better than you
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Aug 11, 2018 13:03
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My love and I were being pulled in a wagon to the arena. Light poured over us as we entered, and the crowd roared. That was nothing compared to the sight I beheld next: my master, the ultimate hustler, chained and awaiting execution. "I thought I told you to stay on Tatooine," he reprimanded me. Reeling, I mustered a defense: "You did. We decided to come and rescue you." Glancing at his chains, then ours, he said, "Good job," and I was like, drat.
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Aug 11, 2018 13:49
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504 posted:That says "Order number number 66" I find your lack of faith disturbing
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Aug 11, 2018 13:56
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Watches Trump get elected, "so this is how liberty dies... with thunderous applause".
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Aug 11, 2018 14:00
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*empties shoe into the garbage bin* I hate sand. It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere
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Aug 11, 2018 14:07
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SciFiDownBeat posted:I find your lack of faith disturbing nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
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Aug 11, 2018 14:24
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At the doctors office and he says my condition is terminal "Yippppieeee!!"
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Aug 11, 2018 15:31
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Me, upon spotting and picking up a $20 left on the ground: "Piddy hot!" Me, about to pop a live crab into a pot: "He's too dangerous to be left alive!" Me, after masturbating and getting my jizz all over my pants: 
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Aug 11, 2018 15:44
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During sex "I'll try spinning, that's a good trick"
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Aug 11, 2018 16:27
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when I discover another strange lump on my neck: This is getting out of hand! Now, there are two of them!
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Aug 11, 2018 17:04
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Over There posted:Goes into a Starbucks and orders a latte. Gives cashier $5 and gets 2 cent back extra in change. Has anyone punched you yet for being a nerd?
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Aug 11, 2018 17:15
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i stub my toe and emit a series of electronic bleeps like R2-D2
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Aug 11, 2018 17:32
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Over There posted:Goes into a Starbucks and orders a latte. Gives cashier $5 and gets 2 cent back extra in change. idgi
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Aug 11, 2018 17:40
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"i cannot fight a war for you" when son tells me about a bully
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Aug 11, 2018 17:54
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"NOOOOOOOO!" when i spill my french fries from my mcdonalds bag
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Aug 11, 2018 17:55
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Last Chance posted:"NOOOOOOOO!" when i spill my french fries from my mcdonalds bag and when you ejaculate prematurely.
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Aug 11, 2018 19:19
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jerk irl posted:and when you ejaculate prematurely.  hey lots of men ejaculate prematurely. It’s not a sign of sexual weakness or that anything is wrong, it’s just means their really extra sensitive or their loving a girl that’s way too hot for them. Plus like people got poo poo to do you can’t just gently caress continously.
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Aug 11, 2018 19:29
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ClamdestineBoyster posted:
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Aug 11, 2018 19:37
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ClamdestineBoyster posted:
Another happy landing
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Aug 11, 2018 19:38
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ClamdestineBoyster posted:
When 900 hundred years old you reach, gently caress as good you will not, hrmmm?
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Aug 11, 2018 19:50
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Universe Master posted:During sex "I'll try spinning, that's a good trick" 
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Aug 11, 2018 19:56
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ClamdestineBoyster posted:
It may be difficult to secure your release.
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Aug 11, 2018 19:57
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Me, trying to buy a hamburger in America with Canadian Quarters: *waves hand* Credits will do fine
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Aug 11, 2018 20:00
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From my perspective, the Jews were evil
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Aug 11, 2018 20:03
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"My powers have doubled since the last time we met" when i bump into my old kindergarten teacher on the street
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Aug 11, 2018 21:17
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Over There posted:Another happy landing What I’m saying is it’s OK to be a limp dick pansy.
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Aug 11, 2018 21:34
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going to the bathroom "I need to pee"
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Aug 11, 2018 21:38
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When my son says his first word: "the ability to speak does not make you intelligent."
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Aug 11, 2018 22:12
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to my mom when she complains that i clogged the toilet again: "chipoka oomen geesa. me teesa radical fbombati chop chawa"
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Aug 11, 2018 22:45
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To the lost dog I found, on the way to collect my reward Jabba waninshi ko, ini ani kanni wanni wooska. Heh heh heh heh.
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Aug 11, 2018 23:18
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After a friend leaves the bathroom: "I sense Count Dooku"Backweb posted:Excuse me. This is a thread for the PREQUEL quotes. Please try to stay on topic. JEEZ. to be fair chewbacca repeats that line when he meets Yoda in episode 3
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Aug 11, 2018 23:28
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QuarkJets posted:After a friend leaves the bathroom: "I sense Count Dooku" I sense a trap!
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Aug 12, 2018 01:23
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After a lot of internal debate, I think "Begun, the clone war has" is the very worst line in the entire prequel trilogy. Everything else is schlocky or silly but that line is just so goddamned lazy
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Aug 12, 2018 01:25
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When getting naked in front of this hooker: Judge me by my size do you?
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Aug 12, 2018 01:53
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My remedial class teacher asks us to add 4, 6, and 11 together: That's impossible even for a computer!
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Aug 12, 2018 01:54
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Cracking open a handle of Captain Morgan's on Monday morning after a long and grueling weekend: Hahaha, how ya doin you old pirate?!
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Aug 12, 2018 01:56
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When I find an Oreo under my couch: hello, what have we here?
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Aug 12, 2018 01:57
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When I'm looking at a youngling whose cells have the highest concentration of midi-chlorians I have seen in a life-form: His cells have the highest concentration of midi-chlorians I have seen in a life-form.
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Aug 12, 2018 01:59
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