ASoIaF: A Song of Ice and Fire: George Rail Road Martin

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > The Book Barn > ASoIaF: A Song of Ice and Fire: George Rail Road Martin

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nine-gear crow: Aug 10, 2013

RoboChrist 9000 posted:

No, but this sounds magical. Got a link?

I think it's been lost to the internet. The only remnant I've found is the long-dead Finish The Book, George! LiveJournal, which hasn't updated since 2012 and was originally about two guys bitching about Dance not being finished yet under the guise of Ray Liotta and Joe Pesci. It's probably not what you're looking for because people griping about GRRM is like 10 years past played out. I can't remember if the read-along I'm talking about was done by them elsewhere or people related to them. Sorry.

# ? Aug 14, 2018 07:39

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 01:50

Sassy Sasquatch: Feb 28, 2013

Marijuana posted:

Does this thread accurately represent how the fandom is turning against GRRM or do the dorks at westeros.org still worship him?

Here's some anecdotal evidence for you: my gf and a group of her friends are admins of the biggest french ASOIAF fansite so they're pretty invested in the series. When I met her and her friends 3 years ago they were full on "GRRM is not your bitch" apologists. Fast forward to today: they now openly bitch about how bad and nonsensical the show has become and if you press them they admit that fat pink mast will likely never finish his series. We hatewatch the episodes together as they come out. GRRM has become a punchline and all is well.

# ? Aug 14, 2018 11:15

Pash: Sep 10, 2009; The First of the Adorable Dead

Intel&Sebastian posted:

I don't think there's a bigger self own in pop literature right now than being someone who cares about these bad books enough that you haven't just given up and ported your caring over to the bad tv show.

What about how the other day Rothfuss posted a blog apologizing for being so slow at writing... his blog.

# ? Aug 14, 2018 14:22

some bust on that guy: Jan 21, 2006; This avatar was paid for by the Silent Majority.

A_Bug_That_Thinks posted:

Lol, so you have the hordor version?

Hodor version? Something that you wrote?

# ? Aug 14, 2018 15:01

some bust on that guy: Jan 21, 2006; This avatar was paid for by the Silent Majority.

This one?

Deosil posted:

HOBRANDOR

Each jostle and mis-step Hodor made as he stumbled up the broken cragside deeper into the evergreen-awned gloom of the northern mountains chafed at the lacrimose sores that had blossomed verdantly on Bran's rear end a turn past and now steadily leaked runnels of pus that formed a vericose delta down Hodor's neck and dried in the matted hairs of his back to form from around his shoulders a reeking mat of contagion and miasma that fouled the air all around him.

"Hodor," said Hodor despondently. Hodor lurched and rocked and considered blowing some bubbles.

"Hodor," said Hodor decisively. Hodor burbled and sputtered and blew spittle bubbles all down his huge chin, which glistened wetly.

The saliva dripped down onto the crusty spittle stain that had grown to cover most of Hodor's chest and belly. Hodor never cleaned his teeth and his spittle was brown with small yellow crumby flecks that produced a smell of rot potent far beyond what their size warranted.

Jojen Reed, who lagged fifty paces behind the plodding Hodor filthbasket, threw up in his mouth a little as he took in an offhand lungful of the giant's pervasive malodor. The eruption of bile came on him suddenly and he was unable to contain the flood, such that effluvia was forced through his nostrils and dribbled down onto his swollen lips, which glistend wetly.

Among the scents of rotted pus and saliva Jojen also detected the acrid smell of fresh night soil. He knew Bran had gone "away" again for too long and forgot to come back in time to void his bowels. Bran has been doing this with unmistakable regularity since they had entered the northern uplands, to the point that his liquefied poo poo would soak through his breeches and down into Hodor's hair, turning Hodor's do into an unruly mass of poo poo-dreads. The foulness of Hodor was utter, and it was really beginning to turn him on.

Bran was probing gently, reaching out tentatively to touch the edges of Hodor's consciousness. For days he had been exploring Hodor's secret dark crevices, the puckered, pulsating openings of Hodor's mind that he could fondle, flick, and tease before plunging himself fully into its core. In this way he could prevent the bumbling hugetard from panicking at the loss of his bodily control. For days Bran had worked his tendrils deeply into Hodor, and now he could feel himself drawing finally, tenderly into the final gaping void that quivered invitingly in the center of Hodor's conciousness. The puckered pseudo-flesh of the gaping void glistened wetly, inviting Bran to at last enter and fulfill its longing. Bran's mental tendril also glistened wetly, and he drove it in deep and true.

Hobrandor ullulated throatily in a desirous moan of animal lust. Bran had always resented Jaime's theft of his manhood from him. He knew from the time he had awakened at Winterfell that he would never know a woman the way a man grown was meant to. When he realized that through Hodor he might grasp the prize that had been pulled forever beyond his reach, he devoted every conscious moment to becoming Hodor, to gaining control of Hodors monstrous virility so that he might know all the pleasures of a man full in body. But he no longer desired to know a woman, for it was a man, Jaime Lannister, who had robbed him of his manhood and thorougly hosed his poo poo up. Now, finally, he was going to reclaim his Stark power. he was going to gently caress the poo poo of a man. Jaime was long gone, but behind him on the path was the closest thing.

Ahead of him, Jojen saw Hodor collapse onto the path and begin making some godawful moaning noise. It was just the stimulus Jojen needed to fulfill himself. He jammed his hand into his breeches and felt the hardness of his manhood beckoning to be stroked. He heard crunching in the snow behind him and turning, saw Meera returning from her piss break. He was pleased to see that instead of pouring her delicious golden stream into the snow, she had lain upside down and allowed the stinky morning pee to soak her tunic all through. Her tunic glistened wetly. THe piss steam wafted off her in waves that made Jojen want to tear off his breeches, which he did.

Hobrandor bellowed and ripped his fetid clothes from his body, flinging them from him as if they burned. Bran's body was knocked from the filthbasket into the snow, where it lay still and consciouless. Hobrandor stood and his cock was revealed in all its glory. It was three feet eight inches long and fifteen inches in diameter and it glistened more wetly than any cock had ever glistened in the history of glistening cocks.

Glisten. Let me tell you all how much Hobrandor's cock glistened. There are 387.44 million leagues of roads, trails, and paths on the continent of Westeros. If the word "glisten" was engraved on each nanoangstrom of those hundreds of millions of miles it would not equal one-billionth of the glistening that Hobrandor's cock glistened at that micro-instant. It GLISTENED!

And WETLY!

Hodor plunged towards Meera, and in one swift motion grabbed her by the legs and swung her toward the cliff face, trailing an expanding arc of freezing urine droplets that cascaded down the cliff face and made a tinkling sound eerily similar to the tinkling of piss. Meera's head split open with a hollow "thunk" as it struck the cliff face and her brain bounced out onto the trail.

"LUUUUBE," Hobrandor groaned mightily, as he hefted the brain, squishing it in his massive fist and applying it liberally to his oh-my-loving-god-so-glistening-wetly cock.

"By the gods!" Jojen squealed. "Not like this! Not like this, Hodor! I'm not ready, Hodor, I'm not ready!"

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPE!" cried Hobrandor as he advanced toward the quivering Jojen, who had dropped a load of night soil on the spot. The night soil glistened wetly.

# ? Aug 14, 2018 15:03

The Anime Liker: Aug 8, 2009; by VideoGames

Someone should feed all the sex and food scenes to a bot and have it write TWOW.

# ? Aug 14, 2018 15:37

Sassy Sasquatch: Feb 28, 2013

A GLISTENING HODOR posted:

Someone should feed all the sex and food scenes to a bot and have it write TWOW.

GRRM is way ahead of you there, it's just the interfacing with Wordstar 3 he has issues with.

# ? Aug 14, 2018 16:43

kcroy: May 30, 2002; by Nyc_Tattoo

some guy on the bus posted:

Each jostle and mis-step Hodor made as he stumbled up the broken cragside deeper into the evergreen-awned gloom of the northern mountains chafed at the lacrimose sores that had blossomed verdantly on Bran's rear end a turn past and now steadily leaked runnels of pus that formed a vericose delta down Hodor's neck and dried in the matted hairs of his back to form from around his shoulders a reeking mat of contagion and miasma that fouled the air all around him.

I forgot just how horrible and amazing this was.

# ? Aug 14, 2018 21:45

Barreft: Jul 21, 2014

Pash posted:

What about how the other day Rothfuss posted a blog apologizing for being so slow at writing... his blog.

https://blog.patrickrothfuss.com/2018/08/a-blog-if-only-barely/

I just.. can't with humans anymore.

# ? Aug 15, 2018 04:18

SaviourX: Sep 30, 2003; The only true Catwoman is Julie Newmar, Lee Meriwether, or Eartha Kitt.

A blog is still writing on some level, tho. And he did some side dialogues for Torment 2. Like a year or more ago... But he's pretty much goontrash.

Also, started reading early 2007, started in the threads 2009 or so? God drat.

# ? Aug 15, 2018 05:03

SaviourX: Sep 30, 2003; The only true Catwoman is Julie Newmar, Lee Meriwether, or Eartha Kitt.

Blade_of_tyshalle posted:

Maybe, in the end, the real Game of Thrones was the friends we traumatized along the way.

Introducing people to all the dumb poo poo about the books and show and Gurm-related materials has been a rare source of joy these years. That, and all the Goatses I've been able to do (a blessing, really).

# ? Aug 15, 2018 05:05

nine-gear crow: Aug 10, 2013

Barreft posted:

https://blog.patrickrothfuss.com/2018/08/a-blog-if-only-barely/

I just.. can't with humans anymore.

Has he tried to sell any waterlogged poo poo from 20 years ago out of his basement yet? Because he's still got some digging to do before he hits Level GRRM.

# ? Aug 15, 2018 05:52

some bust on that guy: Jan 21, 2006; This avatar was paid for by the Silent Majority.

kcroy posted:

I forgot just how horrible and amazing this was.

So much gold in the past. I could totally make a Bad Thread Best Of and put all the stories in one place.

# ? Aug 15, 2018 15:50

Marijuana: May 8, 2011; Go lick a dog's ass til it bleeds.

For some reason, the thought of reading them in Medium.com blog posts is really amusing to me.

# ? Aug 15, 2018 16:53

latinotwink1997: Jan 2, 2008; Taste my Ball of Hope, foul dragon!

Barreft posted:

https://blog.patrickrothfuss.com/2018/08/a-blog-if-only-barely/

I just.. can't with humans anymore.

The BLOGS haven�t been coming so easy? It�s just garbage thoughts thrown out for people to mindlessly read. If he can�t easily blog, there�s no chance he�s doing a thing on the books.

# ? Aug 15, 2018 18:39

kcroy: May 30, 2002; by Nyc_Tattoo

some guy on the bus posted:

So much gold in the past. I could totally make a Bad Thread Best Of and put all the stories in one place.

too bad that other site went down - can't even remember the name now. But they did that whole GRRMlins guide for the rear end kissing blog poster. "curate" all that poo poo into a book, and ship a new version every holiday season when people are desperate to buy their nephew / niece / brother / etc someone, and all they know is that "They are really into Game of Thrones".

Do a whole timeline.

# ? Aug 16, 2018 06:49

BravestOfTheLamps: Oct 12, 2012; by FactsAreUseless; Lipstick Apathy

People are still mad at GRRM for not writing more bad books that they hate.

# ? Aug 16, 2018 11:20

The Anime Liker: Aug 8, 2009; by VideoGames

BravestOfTheLamps posted:

People are still mad at GRRM for not writing more bad books that they hate.

Please don't shame my fetish for reading garbage fiction by fat weirdos for fat weirdos.

# ? Aug 16, 2018 12:31

Invalid Validation: Jan 13, 2008

I don�t think anyone is mad at this point.

# ? Aug 16, 2018 12:42

BravestOfTheLamps: Oct 12, 2012; by FactsAreUseless; Lipstick Apathy

A GLISTENING HODOR posted:

Please don't shame my fetish for reading garbage fiction by fat weirdos for fat weirdos.

# ? Aug 16, 2018 12:48

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Personally I hope he officially gives up writing the books and focuses solely on designing gimmick plays for the New York Jets' special teams.

# ? Aug 16, 2018 13:41

MalarkeyToboggan: Jan 4, 2015

Invalid Validation posted:

I don�t think anyone is mad at this point.

I, for one, am furious!

But seriously though, the quality of his remaining life would be so much better if he just came out and said "yeah I'm not writing those books any more". People would give him poo poo for a while but then everyone would forget about him and his books. Now he keeps getting asked daily about a project he has no desire to finish.

# ? Aug 16, 2018 15:29

mossyfisk: Nov 8, 2010; FF0000

Solice Kirsk posted:

Personally I hope he officially gives up writing the books and focuses solely on designing gimmick plays for the New York Jets' special teams.

My first read on this was stage plays and I agree

# ? Aug 16, 2018 15:37

nine-gear crow: Aug 10, 2013

GRRM made bank writing less than half a story and then got a team of hundreds of other people to finish it for him on HBO�s dime. Dude won at life.

# ? Aug 16, 2018 15:47

Marijuana: May 8, 2011; Go lick a dog's ass til it bleeds.

nine-gear crow posted:

GRRM made bank writing less than half a story and then got a team of hundreds of other people to finish it for him on HBO�s dime. Dude won at life.

He's truly a Renaissance master in this sense.

# ? Aug 16, 2018 16:06

Invalid Validation: Jan 13, 2008

Should just have someone ghostwrite it for him. Give them the main points and gently caress off. Nobody cares and he wouldn�t have to Robert Jordan it.

# ? Aug 16, 2018 17:18

Marijuana: May 8, 2011; Go lick a dog's ass til it bleeds.

Yeah, that would be great except he doesn't have any main points and doesn't know how it's going to end anymore because he's mad at the TV show or something.

# ? Aug 16, 2018 17:23

Invalid Validation: Jan 13, 2008

Must be hard to have a brain that broken with how rich he is. Guess it�s good he didn�t get rich early in life so he doesn�t terrorize the world much longer.

# ? Aug 16, 2018 18:59

Wolf Pussy: Jul 7, 2016; by R. Dieovich

How much does he sweat to need this much water.

https://twitter.com/westerosorg/status/1029741397354508288?s=21

# ? Aug 16, 2018 20:07

mossyfisk: Nov 8, 2010; FF0000

the more he drank the more he shat

# ? Aug 16, 2018 21:33

TK-42-1: Oct 30, 2013; looks like we have a bad transmitter

Those lights are hot. I bet it smells like a McDonalds up there.

# ? Aug 16, 2018 21:43

dentist toy box: Oct 9, 2012; There's a haint in the foothills of NC; the haint of the #3 chevy. The rich have formed a holy alliance to exorcise it but they'll never fucking catch him.

I reread the first book this month, my brain is broken and I don't know why I did this.

# ? Aug 16, 2018 22:36

nine-gear crow: Aug 10, 2013

dentist toy box posted:

I reread the first book this month, my brain is broken and I don't know why I did this.

Desist in your madness. Do not read any further books. Just watch the show instead. At least it's ending next year.

# ? Aug 16, 2018 23:32

Sally: Jan 9, 2007; Don't post Small Dash!

no the book has the best characters: nimble dick crabb, strong belwas, and fat manderly

# ? Aug 16, 2018 23:41

Sephyr: Aug 28, 2012

dentist toy box posted:

I reread the first book this month, my brain is broken and I don't know why I did this.

Eh, I can see the appeal. I never really liked GRRM's prose, but the Houses had an interesting dynamic, and I was legit curious to see which paths characters like Tyrion, Arya and Daenerys would take.

I wonder how much of the reason for it blowing up as it did was people being loving thristy for more fantasy after the Lord of the Ring movies got big, especially a more risqu� version

# ? Aug 17, 2018 01:12

Bobby Digital: Sep 4, 2009

Solice Kirsk posted:

Personally I hope he officially gives up writing the books and focuses solely on designing gimmick plays for the New York Jets' special teams.

The Annexation of ~~Puerto Rico~~ Dorne

# ? Aug 17, 2018 01:27

kcroy: May 30, 2002; by Nyc_Tattoo

Invalid Validation posted:

Should just have someone ghostwrite it for him. Give them the main points and gently caress off. Nobody cares and he wouldn�t have to Robert Jordan it.

For a while I thought Ty was writing them.

# ? Aug 17, 2018 02:21

nine-gear crow: Aug 10, 2013

kcroy posted:

For a while I thought Ty was writing them.

Maybe that's why he was able to spit out like 9 Expanse books in the span of 5 years: he was writing them while serving as GRRM's workslave and then published them when he escaped the dungeon.

# ? Aug 17, 2018 02:24

Mad Hamish: Jun 15, 2008; WILL AMOUNT TO NOTHING IN LIFE.

Blind Sally posted:

no the book has the best characters: nimble dick crabb, strong belwas, and fat manderly

Strong Belwas and Fat Lord Manderley are amazing and I will not hear a word against them.

The messing-up of Ramsay Bolton's wedding is a travesty, a travesty, I tell you, and the people who decided to pass on the TV show having Fat Lord Manderley dancing and singing the song about the Rat Cook while serving Frey pies to the assembled Freys and Boltons is cursed in the eyes of gods and men.

# ? Aug 17, 2018 02:53

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 01:50

Woodpile: Mar 30, 2013

Blind Sally posted:

no the book has the best characters: nimble dick crabb, strong belwas, and fat manderly

Darkstar has got it all over those chumps for he is of the night.

# ? Aug 17, 2018 03:08

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > The Book Barn > ASoIaF: A Song of Ice and Fire: George Rail Road Martin

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