TSLA: When this baby hits 88 you're going to see some serious shit

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > YOSPOS > TSLA: When this baby hits 88 you're going to see some serious shit

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Sagebrush: Feb 26, 2012

Doom Mathematic posted:

"You see, I could go viral any time I like, but I choose not to, out of humility."

My Keanu Reeves article photoshop got over a million views on imgur and was the top post on reddit's front page for like half a day

Lllllllladies

# ? Aug 27, 2018 22:04

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# ? Apr 24, 2024 15:37

President Beep: Apr 30, 2009; i have to have a car because otherwise i cant drive around the country solving mysteries while being doggedly pursued by federal marshals for a crime i did not commit (9/11)

none of that�s going to look good when you�re dragged before the hague.

# ? Aug 27, 2018 22:38

H.P. Hovercraft: Jan 12, 2004; one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse; Slippery Tilde

does that hague invasion law extend to half-americans like sagebrush who are tainted by the impurity of canadian citizenship

# ? Aug 27, 2018 22:43

Sagebrush: Feb 26, 2012

H.P. Hovercraft posted:

does that hague invasion law extend to half-americans like sagebrush who are tainted by the impurity of canadian citizenship

Wrongo. Like Jesus Christ, I am 100% ~~man~~ Canadian and 100% ~~god~~ American simultaneously

Gotta pay taxes in both countries and everything

Sometimes I wonder whether if I pulled some heinous international heist I could get stuck in an infinite deportation loop

# ? Aug 27, 2018 22:47

H.P. Hovercraft: Jan 12, 2004; one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse; Slippery Tilde

oh wait that hague law is only for public officials and the military lmao

# ? Aug 27, 2018 22:50

PIZZA.BAT: Nov 12, 2016

Sagebrush posted:

My Keanu Reeves article photoshop got over a million views on imgur and was the top post on reddit's front page for like half a day

Lllllllladies

The Prince of Pennsylvania was filmed in Pittsburgh

# ? Aug 27, 2018 22:51

Cat Face Joe: Feb 20, 2005; goth vegan crossfit mom who vapes

H.P. Hovercraft posted:

oh wait that hague law is only for public officials and the military lmao

im sure theyll make an exception for you are poasts!

# ? Aug 27, 2018 22:52

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

Rex-Goliath posted:

The Prince of Pennsylvania was filmed in Pittsburgh

they used a lot of greenscreen effects to make pittsburgh look like a real city

# ? Aug 27, 2018 22:53

Farmer Crack-Ass: Jan 2, 2001; this is me posting irl

Sagebrush posted:

Wrongo. Like Jesus Christ, I am 100% ~~man~~ Canadian and 100% ~~god~~ American simultaneously

Gotta pay taxes in both countries and everything

Sometimes I wonder whether if I pulled some heinous international heist I could get stuck in an infinite deportation loop

there's a part of me that's morbidly wondered if it would be possible to get two countries' border agents basically pointing guns at each other and shouting "take him!" "no, gently caress you, you take him!!"

though given the mentality of ~~u.s.~~ most border guards they'd probably just shoot the poor bastard and agree to lie that "he had a gun! scared for our lives!!"

# ? Aug 27, 2018 23:07

H.P. Hovercraft: Jan 12, 2004; one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse; Slippery Tilde

that was a 'sode of trailer park boys iirc

# ? Aug 27, 2018 23:09

Farmer Crack-Ass: Jan 2, 2001; this is me posting irl

Mozzie posted:

Regdate chat I joined for the run up to the 2008 election and left when i got too old for trolling all day pro bono and rather get paid for it

god that was a magical time. 2008 LF was the funniest loving place ever

# ? Aug 27, 2018 23:10

Lutha Mahtin: Oct 10, 2010; Your brokebrain sin is absolved...go and shitpost no more!

i discovered a fun game: explain to someone who doesn't follow car/musk news how the manual door releases on tesla work. start with the model s, then x, then 3. this is especially spicy if the person you're talking to has ever taken care of a carseat-age child

# ? Aug 27, 2018 23:16

Pardot: Jul 25, 2001

hobbesmaster posted:

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3676585&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=1

lol

# ? Aug 27, 2018 23:17

infernal machines: Oct 11, 2012; we monitor many frequencies. we listen always. came a voice, out of the babel of tongues, speaking to us. it played us a mighty dub.

Lutha Mahtin posted:

i discovered a fun game: explain to someone who doesn't follow car/musk news how the manual door releases on tesla work. start with the model s, then x, then 3. this is especially spicy if the person you're talking to has ever taken care of a carseat-age child

use this handy infographic as a guide

# ? Aug 27, 2018 23:22

dragon enthusiast: Jan 1, 2010

infernal machines posted:

use this handy infographic as a guide

lol

# ? Aug 27, 2018 23:27

Beast of Bourbon: Sep 25, 2013; Pillbug

the mechanical release cable is string, like kitchen string kind of string. apparently it breaks if you pull it too hard.

# ? Aug 27, 2018 23:38

President Beep: Apr 30, 2009; i have to have a car because otherwise i cant drive around the country solving mysteries while being doggedly pursued by federal marshals for a crime i did not commit (9/11)

Sagebrush posted:

Sometimes I wonder whether if I pulled some heinous international heist I could get stuck in an infinite deportation loop

go live at seatac, kinda like forrest gump did in that one movie

# ? Aug 27, 2018 23:39

H.P. Hovercraft: Jan 12, 2004; one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse; Slippery Tilde

Beast of Bourbon posted:

the mechanical release cable is string, like kitchen string kind of string. apparently it breaks if you pull it too hard.

lol cotton twine rear end car

# ? Aug 27, 2018 23:43

Pivo: Aug 20, 2004

President Beep posted:

go live at seatac, kinda like forrest gump did in that one movie

take a ride in a q400

# ? Aug 27, 2018 23:43

President Beep: Apr 30, 2009; i have to have a car because otherwise i cant drive around the country solving mysteries while being doggedly pursued by federal marshals for a crime i did not commit (9/11)

oh, wait, u�re in the bay area aren�t you.

go live in that airport instead. or w/e. go to seatac.

# ? Aug 27, 2018 23:47

hobbesmaster: Jan 28, 2008

Farmer Crack-rear end posted:

there's a part of me that's morbidly wondered if it would be possible to get two countries' border agents basically pointing guns at each other and shouting "take him!" "no, gently caress you, you take him!!"

though given the mentality of ~~u.s.~~ most border guards they'd probably just shoot the poor bastard and agree to lie that "he had a gun! scared for our lives!!"

most countries don�t �recognize� dual citizenship so this doesn�t come up

# ? Aug 28, 2018 00:05

Clockwerk: Apr 6, 2005

exploded mummy posted:

the narc isn't that naive

https://twitter.com/atomicthumbs/status/1032959773333848065

haha. gently caress you atomicthumbs

# ? Aug 28, 2018 00:06

iospace: Jan 19, 2038

infernal machines posted:

use this handy infographic as a guide

The Model S is "ok, sure, fine." Dumb, but at least it's not too hard to find if you know in advance.

Model X is "lol gently caress you, back seat plebs."

Model 3 is "lol, burn bitch burn."

# ? Aug 28, 2018 00:56

infernal machines: Oct 11, 2012; we monitor many frequencies. we listen always. came a voice, out of the babel of tongues, speaking to us. it played us a mighty dub.

bonus, you also can't open the doors from the outside if the power is out as they have those stupid recessed electric "door handles". it requires an auxiliary 12 volt supply to open the rear doors, period

so hope you like trying to crawl over the front seat or drop the seat back and escape through the trunk while your car burns

# ? Aug 28, 2018 01:15

H.P. Hovercraft: Jan 12, 2004; one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse; Slippery Tilde

that and the door mechanism itself is also electric, not mechanical

# ? Aug 28, 2018 01:20

President Beep: Apr 30, 2009; i have to have a car because otherwise i cant drive around the country solving mysteries while being doggedly pursued by federal marshals for a crime i did not commit (9/11)

jfc

# ? Aug 28, 2018 01:22

mystes: May 31, 2006

infernal machines posted:

bonus, you also can't open the doors from the outside if the power is out as they have those stupid recessed electric "door handles". it requires an auxiliary 12 volt supply to open the rear doors, period

so hope you like trying to crawl over the front seat or drop the seat back and escape through the trunk while your car burns

They should make it so you can only open the doors if you have cellular reception while they're at it.

# ? Aug 28, 2018 01:23

DiggityDoink: Dec 9, 2007

H.P. Hovercraft posted:

that and the door mechanism itself is also electric, not mechanical

how the gently caress is that even legal?

# ? Aug 28, 2018 01:24

Improbable Lobster: Jan 6, 2012; What is the Matrix 🌐? We just don't know 😎.; Buglord

why is that poo poo even remotely legal

# ? Aug 28, 2018 01:24

Hoshi: Jan 20, 2013

mystes posted:

They should make it so you can only open the doors if you have cellular reception while they're at it.

Too predictable

# ? Aug 28, 2018 01:24

President Beep: Apr 30, 2009; i have to have a car because otherwise i cant drive around the country solving mysteries while being doggedly pursued by federal marshals for a crime i did not commit (9/11)

our friend, the electron!

# ? Aug 28, 2018 01:25

iospace: Jan 19, 2038

DiggityDoink posted:

how the gently caress is that even legal?

Well, if child safety locks prevent the doors from opening on the inside *farts*

# ? Aug 28, 2018 01:31

Trabisnikof: Dec 24, 2005

mystes posted:

They should make it so you can only open the doors if you have cellular reception while they're at it.

already on it

quote:

Recently we took a road trip to CO to watch a favorite niece play hoops at the Colorado School of Mines. While on that trip trip we were locked out of our March 2017 MS100D at Lookout Mtn Park near Golden CO. On Sat. Feb 3, 2017 at about 4pm to be more exact. I got out of the car to enjoy the view. A few minutes later my wife exited the car and as soon as she closed the front passenger door, the car locked completely and went dead. The dog, locked inside, continued to snooze.

The car would not respond to either of our key fobs.

Cell phone service was a bit sketchy at that park but we finally were able to bring up the Tesla app. We have an I phone and an Android. On neither phone would the app connect to the car.

We called Tesla Road Service and the technician ran us through the drill of placing the fobs on the passenger side of the windshield near the base of the wiper and then touching the front passenger side door handle. No dice! The technician was baffled. He "couldn't connect to the car" is what he said. No suprise given the sparse cell service for our phones.

After about 30 minutes of conversation with the tech, the Android battery had died, and the I phone battery was getting down to it. Having left my jacket in the car, I was freezing. Calls to Tesla road service dropped a couple times. The dog finally woke up and wondered what the fuss was about. And we were going to miss the basketball game if the car didn't wake up soon!

MIraculously, the car came to life. On the way back down the hill, of course the touch screen showed no internet connection.

# ? Aug 28, 2018 01:37

HAIL eSATA-n: Apr 7, 2007

Trabisnikof posted:

already on it

one hundred thousand dollars

# ? Aug 28, 2018 01:39

Trabisnikof: Dec 24, 2005

wait this q&a is better

quote:

Doors closed, key inside - how can I open doors?
Submitted by mail on May 28, 2014
I left the key in the center console and closed the doors. Handles pulled in. I still can open trunk. Any chance to open doors without crawling through trunk?

quote:

In case you are unaware, there is an official app from Tesla for both Android and iPhone.

There are multiple apps also for Windows Phone. I use Tesla Connect. Tesla Commander is another popular one, both made by reputable devs who are also Tesla owners.

If you don't have a smart phone, you can always borrow someone else's phone and download the app. To use the app, you simply login with the same credentials that you use to login to these forums (assuming you are using your 'Tesla owner' account). When you are done, you can choose to sign out of the app and also uninstall it.

quote:

I forgot the solution using the app (some people suggested a wrong solution using the app). Here's the only correct one:

9) Go (on foot, with your truck,...) to a smartphone shop, select an Android or iOS phone to your liking (color doesn't matter), download the Tesla Model S app, login with your Tesla credentials, go to the Controls tab and select Lock, wait a few seconds, now select Unlock and confirm with Yes, the door handles will now extend, pull any of them, enter the car and retrieve the key fob.

quote:

@eddiemoy - "car will NOT lock automatically when key is inside the car. "

Not true - unless something has changed with 5.11, even if the key is inside the car it WILL lock after 15 minutes. There were stories of the fob battery being drained when in permanent contact with the car, and the car off. Allegedly Tesla changed the algorithm so the car stops listening passively to the key after 15 minutes. If it happens to be inside and you have autolock turned on then you have a problem.

# ? Aug 28, 2018 01:40

Trabisnikof: Dec 24, 2005

they made a lovely rear end keyfob that would drain the battery too fast so the solution was to just autolock your keys in the car after 15 minutes lol

# ? Aug 28, 2018 01:41

ZeusCannon: Nov 5, 2009; BLAAAAAARGH PLEASE KILL ME BLAAAAAAAARGH; Grimey Drawer

So I wandered in when everyone else did but I just gotta ask there's no loving way that rear door thing is real right?

# ? Aug 28, 2018 02:08

graph: Nov 22, 2006; aaag peanuts

ZeusCannon posted:

So I wandered in when everyone else did but I just gotta ask there's no loving way that rear door thing is real right?

what does your heart tell you

# ? Aug 28, 2018 02:13

ZeusCannon: Nov 5, 2009; BLAAAAAARGH PLEASE KILL ME BLAAAAAAAARGH; Grimey Drawer

Jesus Christ

# ? Aug 28, 2018 02:19

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# ? Apr 24, 2024 15:37

graph: Nov 22, 2006; aaag peanuts

ZeusCannon posted:

Jesus Christ

move fast, break things :imunfunny:

# ? Aug 28, 2018 02:21

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > YOSPOS > TSLA: When this baby hits 88 you're going to see some serious shit

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