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Apropos of little, I stumbled upon a Hogan vs Flair match on WWE Network set right around Undertaker's title win (it's under Old School). The ending honestly stunned me. Flair pins him! Clean! With a foreign object but still, 1 2 3 on Hulk Hogan. Then it gets reversed into a DQ, but still
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Sep 8, 2018 15:38
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Uh... that's not clean. Like, if he gets the pin because of the weapon, that's literally the opposite of a clean pin.
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Sep 9, 2018 01:08
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Rarity's Bottom 5 Matches Before we get into this one I need to say a few words. Over the course of this thread there has been a lot of godawful shite on show. If I were to make this a list of every match I hated this would go on for another twenty posts. No, to make this list a match needed to have something more. It couldn't just be bad, it needed to have some kind of interminable, undefinable property that made me angry. That's what truly defines this list, it's a collection of matches that all combined to make me rage the gently caress out. Also, god drat was it hard to fit these ones into a final ranking. Seriously. 5. Judy Martin vs. Rockin' Robin (Royal Rumble 1989) – Ok, if we're going by pure ringwork then this match doesn't really deserve to be here. Sure, it was awkward and stilted and these women have no business in a wrestling ring but it was too short to get too offensive. But that's the problem. This was the match that signified the death of women's wrestling as a legitimate feature and thus began over twenty years of women being valued for nothing more than wank fodder and piss-breaks. So while this match means little in itself for the overall contribution it means to the feminist movement and how it pertains to professional wrestling, I despise it. 4. Jake “The Snake” Roberts vs. Rick Martel (Wrestlemania VII) – Oh man, if you'd told me going into WM7 that this match would end up on my list of worst five matches of the era I would have called you insane. There could be no way that these two talents could put on a match that wouldn't be at the very least watchable. Oh, how naïve I was. I should have learned long ago that there is no combination that is such a sure thing that Vince can't screw it up. This is all about that stipulation. That loving stipulation. Who in the hell suggested that they take two of their best workers and instead of having them put on a clinic have them spend ten minutes wandering around falling over each other in idiotic comedy slapstick? It's an experience that would be tough at the best of times. When it's combined with the massive disappointment of realising you're not seeing Jake and Martel wrestle a proper match it's infuriating. 3. Bad News Brown vs. Rowdy Roddy Piper (Wrestlemania VI) – Roddy Piper blacked up. Roddy Piper blacked up in 1990 and everyone thought this was ok. This by itself is so disgustingly awful that it almost won the Biggest Racism award from Akeem and I had to acknowledge that before I get into this because it's a big part of why this match is abysmal. However, it's not the only part. Neither Bad News or Piper were ever particularly gifted in the ring and together they combine into the dullest kind of affair. It's slow, it's repetitive and it's thoughtless. But the real problem here is the ending. What do you do when the man who won't job goes up against the man who won't put anyone over? It turns out you count them both out after they brawl up the entrance in a pointless end that makes the entire affair worthless. Enjoy being half-black for the next fortnight, Roddy. 2. Demolition and Hacksaw Jim Duggan vs. The Twin Towers and Andre the Giant (Summerslam 1989) – Ok, I kinda lied. I said that all these matches had some particular hook about them that made them worthy of scorn. That's not exactly true with this one. The only thing that angers me is the fact they took six of the worst wrestlers of the era and shoved them all in a match together. You've got Bossman before he started getting good, you've got an old and decrepit Andre, you've got Hacksaw's cartoon bullshit, you've got Demolition and their inability to do more than punch and you've got loving Akeem. It's like this match was surgically designed to piss me off. I never got closer to quitting on this whole thing than I did right here. 1. The Bushwhackers vs. The Beverly Brothers (Royal Rumble 1992) Now with how strongly I felt about the six-man tag just above you have to figure than anything that can push that into second place must be absolutely diabolical. Well, you'd be right. Everything about this one is pure garbage. It lasts over fifteen minutes of which over half that runtime is people just standing around. And while the rest of the action is poo poo as well, what really takes this up to the winner level is Jamison. While the WWF has (and will continue to have) been real lovely to subgroups of people including but not limited to blacks, Asians, Latinx, women, gays, the elderly and little people nothing they've done has been as mean spirited or spiteful as their presentation of Jamison. Everything about this was loathsome and had no place on television in the 90s or any loving decade. Most Bizarre Favourite: Lord Alfred Hayes I'm just gonna level with you guys here, I've got no idea what happened with this one. When Alfred showed up at the first Wrestlemania he was so out of place and just plain bad at basic TV presenter skills. Then he showed up on The Wrestling Classic and spent his entire time sexually harrassing that poor blonde woman and there was that thing about him having a gigantic dick as well. He was comedy gold. Unintentionally so but still gold. So yes, I loved seeing him show up but only so I could laugh at him. Yet somewhere along the way this morphed into genuine adoration and now I let out a real life cheer every time Alfred makes an appearance. I hear his calm Estuary tones and see his awkward British demeanour and it takes me back to the calming times of my youth. What I'm saying is that if Alfred's not in the WWE Hall of Fame then that's a drat crime. Best Dog: Matilda Friends, I am happy to announce to you that the Rarities officially recognises that Matilda is a Good Dog who deserves lots of treats and cuddles. There was a lot of competition in this category because as we all know every dog is a Good Dog but Matilda is also the Best Dog for her commitment to being a Good Dog even against the demands of kayfabe. A lesser dog would have given in to the role of being a mean, angry beast but at Wrestlemania III on the grandest stage of them all Matilda went over to Bobby Heenan and asked for belly rubs. There can be no Better Dog than this. Worst Career Change: The Mountie Imagine this: you're the hot young star of one of the best up and coming tag teams in the industry. You've just moved to America like you always dreamed to chase that almighty dollar. You've got a buck fifty in your pocket and a dream in your heart. Then one day you pack it all in to go join the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. And they take everything that is good and fun and right about you and they squeeze it down and out until you're a grim and dour shadow of the man you used to be just like all the others. And you end up going through life day by day drifting along miserable and alone until you reach your deathbed and have nothing but regret for the choices you have made. Look, what I'm saying is it was better when Jacques was slapping his brother's rear end. Biggest Racism: Akeem the African Dream Boy oh boy, was this a competitive category! There were so many different options I could have pick to give this award to but in the end while they all made solid cases none of them could compete with the sheer offensiveness that was Akeem the African Dream. It was bad enough that to create Akeem's gimmick they mixed in a whole bunch of cultural stereotypes and then introduced him in a segment featuring an African warrior tribe dancing in a New York City slum. But what really takes this whole gimmick to the next level, what really pushes it to be the king of racist gimmicks is that they gave this one TO A WHITE DUDE. Look, you shouldn't be doing this at all but if you're going to do it you should at least let a black guy have a career opportunity. Better yet, don't do this at all! Next Time: Best Promo, Biggest Surprise, Worst Suplex and my top 5 feuds! Rarity fucked around with this message at 06:48 on Sep 9, 2018 |
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Sep 9, 2018 06:46
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Lord Al was inducted into this years Legacy wing in the Hall of Fame
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Sep 9, 2018 14:59
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Hey, all that non-jobbing just made Piper getting pinned by Bret (and Flair but you didn't see that one) more special 
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Sep 9, 2018 15:05
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Worst Suplex has to be Hogan's "suplex" on Virgil where he just drops him on the floor. It's jaw-dropping in its ineptness.
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Sep 9, 2018 16:58
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Rarity posted:Best Dog: Matilda Okay crisis averted, no more Comedy Gas Chamber for this thread 
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Sep 9, 2018 23:58
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Jason Sextro posted:Worst Suplex has to be Hogan's "suplex" on Virgil where he just drops him on the floor. It's jaw-dropping in its ineptness. Hoganplex '85~!
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Sep 10, 2018 02:09
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Jason Sextro posted:Worst Suplex has to be Hogan's "suplex" on Virgil where he just drops him on the floor. It's jaw-dropping in its ineptness. For a while Kevin Nash would routinely do a version of the vertical suplex where he just dropped the dude like that on purpose.
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Sep 11, 2018 19:08
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quote:I should have learned long ago that there is no combination that is such a sure thing that Vince can't screw it up This is the one constant thing that is a defining feature of each era in WWF/E history. HOW do you screw up WCW Champion Ric Flair vs WWF Champion Hulk Hogan when both men are still relatively in their prime and drawing power!? Only if you're Vince McMahon and have a huge ego. Shiki Dan fucked around with this message at 04:57 on Sep 12, 2018 |
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Sep 12, 2018 04:54
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it occurs to me, on further thought, that Worst Suplex could also be Dino Bravo's "why is this a finisher" sidewalk slam.
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Sep 12, 2018 19:17
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sean10mm posted:For a while Kevin Nash would routinely do a version of the vertical suplex where he just dropped the dude like that on purpose. To be fair, Pete Dunne does it on purpose as well as one of his signature spots.
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Sep 12, 2018 20:23
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Yeah, but Pete Dunne's entire gimmick is "I'm an rear end in a top hat"
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Sep 12, 2018 20:28
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Jason Sextro posted:it occurs to me, on further thought, that Worst Suplex could also be Dino Bravo's "why is this a finisher" sidewalk slam. Eh, that might have been the LEAST crappy thing about Dino Bravo as a wrestler.
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Sep 12, 2018 21:38
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sean10mm posted:Eh, that might have been the LEAST crappy thing about Dino Bravo as a wrestler. Least crappy thing about Dino Bravo is that he was in Encino Man.
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Sep 12, 2018 22:11
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Doing pushups with Earthquake sitting on him was funny
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Sep 12, 2018 22:14
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I'm happy to concede those two points, which are fun things I totally forgot about. 
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Sep 12, 2018 22:44
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His manager Frenchy Martin's sign "USA Is Not OK" was a good one
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Sep 12, 2018 23:07
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DeathChicken posted:Yeah, but Pete Dunne's entire gimmick is "I'm an rear end in a top hat" So is Nash's a lot of the time
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Sep 13, 2018 04:58
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So is Hogan's
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Sep 13, 2018 07:59
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Shiki Dan posted:So is Hogan's That's no gimmick, brother!
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Sep 15, 2018 16:41
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Rarity's Top 5 Feuds 5. Hulk Hogan/Randy Savage – Yes, it's a big shock right out of the gates as many people's pick for #1 feud of the era only makes it to #5 on my list. I must admit that this may come down to the manner in which I'm watching these shows. You'll notice that all of the feuds above this one received significant build on PPV whereas the key beats in this story took place off-camera so to speak. When you consider that it's actually impressive that the feud makes it as high as it does as it's almost completely based on the strength of the recap video for WM5. But even that video on its own was powerful. Seeing Savage finally crack after a year of Hulk getting under his skin was huge but what really makes it was how much it played on Savage's emotional connection to Elizabeth. His heel turn was driven by jealousy and insecurity and showed that a character who was often so larger than life was still all too human. 4. Jake “The Snake” Roberts/Randy Savage – We're jumping from one Savage feud straight into another one but this is one where he was allowed to be a lot more heroic. This feud managed to combine so many different aspects. It played on Savage and Elizabeth's romance, it gave Savage a big return to the ring, it had the intensity of the initial snakebite angle and it was a spotlight for Jake's new heel character which was an absolute revelation. There was so much going on here that even though we never got to see the big blow-off match I never really felt like we needed to. Savage winning at the end was always going to be the destination but that's far less important than the journey. 3. Ted DiBiase/Dusty Rhodes – There's no way that I could have a list of my favourite feuds without including the issues between the Million Dollar Man and the Common Man. Come on, it's right there in the title! In all of the WWF there weren't two men more suited to go against each than DiBiase and Dusty. Never has DiBiase been more despicable than the time he enticed Dusty's friend and manager into betraying her principles just because he could. This was a feud so good it convinced me to support Dusty even though I can't stand him as a wrestler. Of all the feuds on this list this is the one I'm most disappointed I missed the non-PPV story beats for because there was so much they could have done here. Even so the bits I did see made it very strong. 2. The Ultimate Warrior/Rick Rude – Friends, you had to know there was no way I could get through a list of my favourite feuds without an appearance from my boy Rick Rude. And who else could I put him up here with but the man who was his ultimate opponent. (Yes, yes, I see what I did there). This is the feud on my top 5 with the least amount of story – the only real angle involved being the kinda fun kinda dull Super Posedown – but who needs story when you can just put on awesome match after awesome match instead. Warrior and Rude never failed to deliver in the ring and in each one of their three matches it always felt like there was a sense of escalation.They brought the best out of each other and really that's all it takes to make a great feud. 1. Randy Savage/The Ultimate Warrior – Welp, Savage and Warrior combine to take the top spot of another one of my top 5 lists. I've already gushed about the blow-off match plenty and sure, it's a big part of why this feud is so fantastic but it's far from the only part. The entire story between Savage and Warrior was a belter which re-established Savage as a megastar. Everything that happened at Royal Rumble '91 from Sherri's attempts at seduction to Savage's multiple run-ins on Warrior's title match were the apex of storytelling in this era. No, it didn't have the complicated motives of other feuds but by being black and white it was allowed to be pure cartoon fun. Then the retirement stipulation meant the blow-off had meaning. Here you had the two biggest names in wrestling that weren't Hulk Hogan going against each other for the first ever time and you really felt like either of them could win. Not to mention that when it was all said and done it led into the most emotional moment of the era. All in all this was just sheer pefection. Biggest Surprise: The Jumping Bomb Angels Oh my god, how loving great were these girls? At a time when men's wrestling mostly consisted of punches, kicks, rest holds and the occasional clotheslines these women were busting out the serious flippy lucha libre poo poo. Noriyo and Itzuki had it going all the way on and they could have been the catalyst for a huge revolution in women's wrestling in the West. I don't have enough words to describe how big a poo poo Moolah is for loving these two over. But let's not focus on what we don't have, let's focus on what we got. Two breathtaking performances that stole the show and set a benchmark for what wrestling could be, regardless of gender. While the JBAs may not have made a huge impact on the WWF I think they're a vital touchstone of this era for just showing what wrestling could be. Hardest Fall: Hercules Do you guys remember the early days of this thread? The tag team division was good, Bad News Brown was a thing, I had yet to discover the wonders of Rick Rude. Yes, those were simpler days my friends, and in those days we all brought offering to the oracles at the temple where we would worship the Greek god known as Hercules. He wasn't a high flyer, he didn't have much in the way of technical skill but what he did do was smack people's faces off and he did it well. In fact in these early days Herc' was one of the few bright spots to look forward to. But the years progressed and the landscape around him got better and Herc' didn't even stand still, he actively regressed. He got bigger and chubbier and his hair got scragglier until by the end of the Golden Era he looked like a roadie for Guns n' Roses. Thankfully in 1992 Vince had the werewithall to take him out back and pull an Old Yeller or else chances are he'd still be sucking it even worse today. Best Promo: Hulk Hogan (Wrestlemania IV) loving hell, this must be one of the most batshit minutes in wrestling history. So in case you forgot the details it's Wrestlemania IV. Hulk is set to meet Andre in the second round of the tournament to declare the new WWF champion. Zombie Mean Gene asks him a simple question about his match and Hulk launches into a rambling speech that manages to cover tidal waves, Donald Trump and the breast stroke. This is a level of insanity that has never been matched and as much as I hate Hulk, I could happily watch this again and again and again. Worst Suplex: Hoganplex '88 Consider for a moment the humble suplex, if you well. It's a very basic wrestling move. It's never anybody's finisher, nobody pops when they see one and no one ever remembers it afterwards. You could kinda call it the Jack Tunney of wrestling moves. Keeping that in mind, just think about how objectively terrible a suplex would have to be for it to stand out so much it wins an award for worst suplex. Well, Hoganplex '88 is that bad and then moreso. While Hulk's commitment to not taking a back bump on the concrete is admirable it's Virgil's dismal ability that leads him to gently caress up the landing that really deserves the credit here. Best Debut: The Undertaker Man, everything about Taker's debut was so perfect. From the moment he appears at Survivor Series '89 and starts slowly pacing down to the ring he feels like a big deal. He instantly felt different to any other guy on the roster. And then he got to the ring and into action and he was the scariest monster ever. It was like something out of a horror movie. You run and you hide and you fight but there's nothing you can do to stop this guy as he slowly takes the group down one by one. And then he brought out the Tombstone which is the most brutal finisher we'd ever seen at this point. Even though he wound up being eliminated through a stupid countout he made a huge impact. Back then nobody would have known what he would go on to achieve but even so they must have stood up and taken notice. Weirdest Jesse Outfit: Wrestlemania II Over the years Jesse Ventura has provided us with a wealth of absolute insanity in the wardrobe department. But never was he more off his rocker than at Wrestlemania II. On their own a Ché Guevara hat, a red feather boa and a freaking golden Cleopatra headdress would each be the capper for a ridiculous ensemble. Yet somehow here Jesse goes above and beyond by putting all three of these accessories together to create something truly unique, a fashion disaster like no other. So for his commitment to the cause I think it's only right that we ask one last time:  Come back next time for Worst Commentator, Least Chemistry, the Rarity Was Wrong award and my worst 5 wrestlers!
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Sep 19, 2018 21:56
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Warrior/Savage is my favorite Wrestlemania match ever, and given Warrior is one of the guys in it, that is pretty incredible. I just love how Warrior changes up his whole M.O. for this. No running around like a lunatic (Heenan notices this too. I miss good commentators), he just brick walls Savage into a mud puddle. Until even the Gorilla Press can't stop Savage, Warrior freaks out and almost leaves, Savage wipes himself out on a rail because he is a crazy person, Warrior regains his confidence and methodically beats him into retirement. What a loving story
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Sep 19, 2018 22:17
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Rarity posted:
Uh Herc died a few years ago
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Sep 20, 2018 00:23
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DeathChicken posted:Warrior/Savage is my favorite Wrestlemania match ever, and given Warrior is one of the guys in it, that is pretty incredible. I just love how Warrior changes up his whole M.O. for this. No running around like a lunatic (Heenan notices this too. I miss good commentators), he just brick walls Savage into a mud puddle. Until even the Gorilla Press can't stop Savage, Warrior freaks out and almost leaves, Savage wipes himself out on a rail because he is a crazy person, Warrior regains his confidence and methodically beats him into retirement. Yeah, Warrior actually walking to the ring is one of my favourite details of the match. Also, I knew Hoganplex 88 would win, because what else could it be? I'll be mighty disappointed if Dino Bravo isn't on the list of the worst, though
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Sep 20, 2018 00:43
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For me, the most batshit promo ever always switches between Hogan's "THANK GOD DONALD TRUMP IS A HULKAMANIAC!" promo from Wrestlemania 4, and Ultimate Warrior's,"TEAR DOWN THE COCKPIT DOOR!" promo from (I think) Wrestlemania 6.
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Sep 20, 2018 04:23
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Jason Sextro posted:Also, I knew Hoganplex 88 would win, because what else could it be? Andre's lovely horizontal suplex should have been a real contender but I forgot about it at time of writing
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Sep 20, 2018 05:12
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Rarity posted:Andre's lovely horizontal suplex should have been a real contender but I forgot about it at time of writing
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Sep 20, 2018 07:16
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Rarity posted:the Rarity Was Wrong award This had better be you saying Bossman sucked. Because Bossman was always awesome.
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Sep 20, 2018 10:22
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Rarity posted:Andre's lovely horizontal suplex should have been a real contender but I forgot about it at time of writing Andre's gets a pass, IMO, since he was in crazy pain every day st that point. Falling for a suplex would have sucked, whereas Hogan was just being lazy. Plus Andre was pretty agile in his early days. Stupid acromegaly.
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Sep 20, 2018 17:05
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Behold, Andre while he could still flip around for armdrags vs Dusty Rhodes before he was particularly fat https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B9TP2tWAPm8
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Sep 21, 2018 04:43
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Rarity's Least Fave Five 5. Harley Race – There's nothing worse in wrestling than seeing a performer stick around past their sell-by date. Unfortunately it's far too common for ageing stars to stick around for the fame and coast on name value long past the point of being able to perform to standard. It's hard enough to see it happen in the modern day, think how much worse it is to see in the context of 80s wrestling and oh my god now you're starting to understand how much Race sucked. I get that this is one of the legends of the industry but by the time Race showed up on PPV he was a weak old man who looked out of place and felt even more out of place when he got in the ring. It was like watching a man in the middle of a stroke. The only reason he doesn't rank higher is that his run was mercifully short. 4. Greg Valentine – If you had told me back at WM1 that Greg would be the last wrestler left employed from the first ever PPV card then I would have called you a liar. And then immediately given up on this project. He's so bad, you guys. He's so loving bad. Watching Greg try to move in the ring is like watching a snail in slow motion. His offence is 95% elbows delivered with the grace of a gorilla doing ballet. In seven years of shows he has not contributed a single match or even moment of value. I have no idea how much longer he's going to last but every show in which Greg still has a job is another day in which my hope for humanity sinks lower. 3. Hacksaw Jim Duggan – While it's fair to say I'm not a fan of any of the wrestlers on this list Hacksaw is the only one I would say I actively detest. He is a terrible wrestler and I don't want to gloss over that fact because he completely sucks. His strikes are clumsy and he wouldn't know a hold if it walked in front of him and shat on the American flag. However, that's not why he ranks so high on this list. What I hate about Hacksaw is everything else he brings to the character. It's the zealous unquestioning patriotism, it's the cartoon mugging that makes a joke of his opponents, it's the self-righteous attitude that everything must go his way. I think what makes it worse is that because the patriotism is the cheapest kind of heat it means that Hacksaw has always been over no matter how poo poo he gets. He never needs to a try because he'll always get a pop and this means there's no getting rid of him. No matter how bad he is he's got a job as long as he wants it despite lacking even the the most basic of competencies. Well, I guess that is at least a good representation of America. 2. Andre the Giant – Speaking of legends staying on in their careers long after their physical decline set in holy poo poo Andre was loving dire. I must admit that coming into this I wasn't expecting to wind up much of Andre fan. I always figured it would be like watching Big Show expect at half the speed. However, I wasn't prepared for him to be quite as awful as he got. The issue here was that for the majority of these shows it was clear that he was a physical wreck. Even when he was at his best he was a litany of rest holds but once he took a turn for the worst he would be visibly knackered before the match had even started. You can't sell me an unbeatable monster when he's so exhausted he's got to lean on the ropes to keep himself upright. Obviously Andre's final few years were very difficult for him and he had a lot of problems so I'm not going to be too hard on him. This one is more Vince's fault than anything else. He really should have just pulled an Old Yeller on Andre's career after WM4. It would have been the best thing for everyone involved. 1. The One Man Gang/Akeem – It was a difficult decision narrowing down all the trash on the WWF's 80s roster to the poo poo de la poo poo but after much deliberation this top spot could never go to anyone else. Whether he was a street hoodlum or a white dude pretending to be black one thing didn't change, Akeem was a shocker in the ring. He couldn't wrestle, he couldn't punch, he couldn't even run. Everything he did was like watching a bear with arthritis try to work. Whenever I saw Akeem was in a match I felt physical revulsion. He is the only man who has made me want to turn off the TV just from his sheer entrance to a match and that happened multiple times. There has been no greater threat to the sustainability of this thread than Akeem's existence. Hell, it took me three days even to write this paragraph. So let's take a moment to take a big steaming dump all over this dude. No need to thank us, Akeem. You deserve it. Kinkiest Gimmick: Demolition While things didn't get quite as bad as James Ellsworth there was still something very uncomfortable about Demolition's look. No matter how you want to dress it up (literally) the only place where you should see guys in leather harnesses, studded pants, assless chaps and rubber masks is a sex dungeon. Even ignoring how visibly shite they were in the ring I could never take Demolition seriously because it felt like they were never more than a few seconds away from declaring themselves to be piss slaves. I see enough of these men on my Fetlife, I don't need this in my wrestling. Most Inexplicably Over: Burtus Beefcake How the gently caress was this dude once in the conversation to be Intercontinental champion over the likes of Curt Hennig, Bret Hart and Rick Rude? Let's look at this impartially, right? Burtus is a guy with a goofy rear end gimmick who's not had a decent match in his life and who delivers promos that involve him cackling like a lunatic while manically slicing his clippers. There is seriously zero upside here. And yet somehow night after night Burtus would receive huge pops from crowds that should have known better. And so he kept on being a giant sinkhole in the midcard that sucked in anything that drew near. It's not a coincidence that match quality started rising the second that Burtus was sidelined with injury. It's just a haircut, people! It was the 80s, you all needed one anyway! Most Inconsistent: Ted DiBiase I don't think there's anyone I was more back and forth on over the course of this era than DiBiase. I'm not talking about his ringwork here was always fine but never spectacular. No, this is rather a comment about his wider issues as a performer. Because when he was on he was so very detestable. His gimmick was solid gold and he could play it up so well which is why he even managed to make Virgil look like a star for a hot minute. But at the same time this DiBiase would come and go from show to show and when he wasn't on you were left with a dude who was sold as a big deal but just existed. Just look at his run through WM4, this should have been his biggest time to shine but instead he was bland and uninspired and I just didn't really care. Rarity Was Wrong: Big Bossman Never let it be said that I am not without my flaws. As you all know I can be quick to judge and sometimes I will draw preconceptions about performers based on their initial appearances that don't match up with their full careers. But I'm a big girl, I'm woman enough to admit when I was wrong and with Bossman I was definitely wrong. I'm not going to pretend that he'd break my fave five or even my fave ten but he's in the top half of the roster without a doubt. It's a bit of a shame, really. His ringwork has peaked at the time when his push has been at its lowest so he's not getting much of a chance to show it off. I'd be interested in seeing what he could do if he was up against one of the real workhorses of the company. But the point still stands that I was wrong and you guys were all right. Mea culpa. Rarity Was Right: Earthquake PSYCH! The only reason I went through that whole charade of honouring Bossman's improvements was so I could smugly tell you how much Earthquake still sucks. Rarity turning heel up in this bitch, yo! When he debuted I dismissed him without a second thought and you know what? I was right to do so! And no matter what YOU PEOPLE think I stand my first impression that Earthquake is a giant disgusting baby man who wouldn't know a good match if it smacked him in the face. He's slow, he's dull, his entire moveset is rest holds and brawling and he's absolutely useless. I cannot wait for this lad to be gone. Least Chemistry: Rip and Sam You all knew that I wouldn't be able to get all the way through these awards without giving a shoutout to one of the most painful movie experiences in living human memory. And what in No Holds Barred could possibly be more deserving of a Rarity than the terrible attempts chemistry between Hulk Hogan's alter ego and his professional and independent corporately-mandated love interest. From their meeting where Rip ignored an official business meeting to mack on a lady through the time Rip did midnight push-ups in a thong through to Sam's random kidnap attempt by a passing motorist, this was a romance that was far more awkward than awwww. Worst Commentator: Elvira (Wrestlemania II) The decision to bring in three untrained female celebrities to provide colour for WM2 can at best be described as hit or miss. That said, even if the decision had been 99% hit it still wouldn't have mattered if the 1% miss was Elvira. This is a woman so unsuited for the role that she has been given that she actually makes an argument for 80s sexism. Her contributions from the commentary desk range from vapid to silent and throughout her appearance it is far too clear that she doesn't realise the performance she's watching is staged. She adds nothing to the proceedings apart from a low seething hatred and about five times as much hair as is necessary. It's ironic, the one time Burtus would have been welcome and he hadn't even invented the gimmick yet. Most Wasted: Jake “The Snake” Roberts Contrary to appearances Jake is not receiving this award for doing all the drugs all the time. No, when I say most wasted I mean most wasted as a performer. Jake is undoubtedly one of the biggest names of the Golden Era. He was always over with the crowds, the DDT was seen as a killer finisher and his promos were next level. Yet despite all that Jake not only never held a title belt but he spent the majority of his time meandering in the midcard with no goal or purpose. Think about it. Yes, the heel turn was a big deal, especially the feud with Savage but that was right at the end of his stint. Before that the only real memorable things he did were a feud with Martel that led to a comedy match and a feud with Andre that was mostly Jake getting clowned on for six months. They could have made so much more of what they had here but instead Jake spent his entire career drifting around without any real goal or drive. While doing all the drugs. We're almost done here, friends! There's one more round of awards to go so join me soon for Worst Wrestlemania Celebrity, Best Theme, Biggest Marty and that all important FAVE FIVE.
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Sep 26, 2018 10:31
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You're gonna have a worst 5 without Dino Bravo? Dino was robbed.
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Sep 26, 2018 16:57
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Harley Race had a fun match against Hogan at a SMNE which might have been his last good match ever. Yeah Brutus got over just because he cut people's hair and had big shears, we were dumb as hell. Also yeah no Dino Bravo? Was he too forgettable?
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Sep 26, 2018 17:43
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At this point we're just going to have to accept that not liking Earthquake is a personal failing. You can't fix people
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Sep 26, 2018 17:49
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DeathChicken posted:At this point we're just going to have to accept that not liking Earthquake is a personal failing. You can't fix people You can't fix Earthquake that's for sure!
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Sep 26, 2018 17:53
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I see how Rarity is planning to get out of carrying on with this, she’s gonna give Tito biggest Marty to make Jru kill the thread in retaliation.
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Sep 26, 2018 17:58
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Rarity posted:You can't fix Earthquake that's for sure! Well he *is* dead so... 
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Sep 26, 2018 19:27
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Honestly while I love John Tenta I'm starting to come around to your way of thinking Rarity. I still think you sell him short on his actual in ring ability but when you haven't had to suffer through nightmare workers like Mabel and Giant Gonzales Earthquake really didn't bring much to his PPV performances besides "big shouty manbaby" I think part of what hurt your view of him was something that hurt a lot of workers, namely missing the TV spots; Tenta was a solid promo and could do villainous really well; his whole Snake burger sequences (despite the wrestlecrap induction) was the kind of classic evil heel behavior that made me want to see his comeuppance and his ability to sell himself as an unstoppable physical force (which i suspect was heavily influenced by his legit sumo background) made him a great mid card antagonist for plucky baby faces. But while this sounds like a stealth defense, rewatching a lot of those matches I can't help but think "drat, he really was rather boring in the ring".
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Sep 29, 2018 05:40
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Renaissance Spam posted:Honestly while I love John Tenta I'm starting to come around to your way of thinking Rarity. It's ok, everyone always does 
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Sep 29, 2018 06:47
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