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 ing to get the rest of my week 321 judgecrits done by Saturday the 27th
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Oct 24, 2018 04:09
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 Crits for week 324 House Rules by Staggy Alright yeah, this works. I think it uses a lot of spooky gothic cliches but it manages to use them fairly effectively. The image of Nanna just standing over the bed in silence is striking, and I like how it kinda just lets the reveal sit rather than having everything go insane – it doesn’t relieve the tension it creates, which leaves a lasting impression on the reader. Mid-high. Veyesion by Mercedes Eh. This needed more work. For this twist to work we need to give a poo poo about the characters, and we don’t learn enough about either of them to do that. It feels like the end of a much longer piece of writing, but it doesn’t really stand on its own. Low-mid. Carrier Crawlies by Bolt Crank Alright, some nice creepiness and then— It kinda just segues into bland exposition, glossing over the actual horrifying stuff so it can speed through to its endpoint. I feel like this one is a victim of the word count: there’s definite potential here (the first half is dynamite) but it needs more room to grow. Mid. Frozen Hanes by AllNewJonasSalk Cool stream-of-conscious junkie stuff, but it feels oddly sterile for some reason – the stabbing didn't really connect with me, for some reason. It also breaks the one rule we had which might be acceptable if it did more with the violence but I dunno, I’m just not feeling it. Mid-low. Stachybotrys by Sparksbloom Like Carrier Crawlies, this one has some really good potential but I think probably needed more room to expand. The pacing is so fast that it doesn’t really give you enough time to process and that doesn’t really click in a story about mold eating a house bit by bit. Still, it’s very well-written and I had a good time with it. Mid-high. The Buried are Waiting by flerp drat man, that’s dark. That’s some real darkness: no zombies or gore or spooky ghosts, just the realisation that there’s something terrible inside you and you don’t know if you can ever change it. High-mid. The Truth by NotGordian I like the story but I hate the ending. It feels very faux-profound edgy: oh no life is suffering and now you can see it clearly whoa man. The title really reinforces that idea: that this is some profound universal truth that is being unveiled upon the reader and it’s like dude, I’ve read this a million times before. Infectious screaming on a dancefloor under wild red lights? Awesome. Twilight Zone ending about how life is pain? Bleh. Mid-low. Doge by Lottie It’s some dudes tripping out and it’s craaaazy maaaan and I keep greying out trying to focus on poo poo I’ve heard from lots of boring guys at parties. I don’t understand the ending. I kinda feel like I just had a mediocre trip and I don’t know what to do with it. Low-mid. A Place of Scant Light by apophenium gently caress dude, I love this. There’s this intense claustrophobia to it, and this sense of a greater world that exists outside the story. This feels a lot bigger than the words used to write it, and I always appreciate that. It also manages to be gothic sci-fi, which is very much my poo poo. High. Living in a Box by Solitaire Another cool story that doesn’t really work at 1500 words. The transformation into a N U M B E R B O I needs more time and focus – it’s a very gradual process, and I think you need to take the reader along that maddening road. The pacing doesn’t match the contents, and it creates a certain disconnect. That said, it’s well-written and I liked it. High. black mold by fumblemouse Welp, this is a pretty upsetting portrait of depression. You know it’s funny, I wrote that particular prompt based on The Trick is to Keep Breathing, which is also about somebody grieving the death of their spouse while their house physically falls to pieces from black mold – I think there’s a potency to that metaphor that kinda springs out to people. I am not one hundreeeeed percent sure that it quite sticks the landing, but it’s still very effective. Like a lot of pieces, I think you probably needed to pump the words up to 2-3k and let certain things breath more. High. Pieces of by TheSaddestRhino BOI WHAT DID SEMICOLONS EVER DO TO YOU TO DESERVE THIS *Ahem* okay I’m back. There’s a very affecting play called La Pere by Florian Zeller, in which the PoV character is an elderly father with dementia. The actors, set and plot keep changing with little coherent logic behind it – you are inside the head of this man and his perception just doesn’t work correctly. I remember walking out of the theatre after seeing it, and—for hours—having trouble finding coherency in the world around me. I keep expecting the sequence to jump; I keep expecting the world to break. I don’t think this quite reaches those heights, but it’s an admirable attempt. I’m not sure it’s material to plot exactly what happened to him, but I would’ve liked some more nudges in that direction: it felt like a mystery one was meant to solve, but I just couldn’t. If you pulled the strings a little tighter on this one though, it would really pop. High. Don’t Go by Yoruichi I feel like this breaks the no violence rule pretty hard. I mean there’s no words describing violent acts, but there’s somebody lurching around with a dog they just killed and that’s definitely pushing against the walls. Also ew, twist ending. Low. His Voice by Thranguy This is bizarre, but I like it. A lot of pieces this week had oddly fast pacing, but this one actually feels like the right speed for its size; maybe it could use a tiny bit more room to move, but it doesn’t feel hurried. I think the best thing about it is the domesticity: it’s unafraid to go low-key rather than trying to shock with the weird and wild: it’s not a crow or raven, it’s a grackle; he’s not watching The Outer Limits or weird cult horror films, he’s watching gameshows. I think that restraint really pays off and makes the whole thing feel a lot more real. High. The Sound by Anomalous Blowout This is another one that really gives a sense that there’s a world outside the story. It’s something a lot of short fiction writers leave out, and it often ends up feeling video-gamey: that if you open the wrong door, you’ll just see void. I appreciate the work that went into making this feel bigger than the word count – a lot of stories this week ended up trying to go too big and running out of space, but this paints a broader world with a few small strokes. The language here is gorgeous as well: it really evokes this bizarrely intimate end-of-the-world. Like the best pieces this week, it knows what not to show and that's really important in building a sense of dread. Personal pick for winner. High+++. Tennis Elbow Foot by Sebmojo The language here is beautiful and it certainly evokes something powerful, but I’m not 100% on why. If this'd had more meat and more direction it would own, but as-is it's kinda "oh this is cool" then you forget about it. High-mid.
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Oct 24, 2018 04:10
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💀💀💀 Thunderdome CCCXXV: The Horror is Capitalism 💀💀💀 OK LET US CONTINUE ON THE SPOOPTOBER STREAK. Here's your task, it's super simple: Write a story where the horror comes from a technology not meant for it. FAQ: Q: Wait what does that mean??? A: Answering machine that produces horror = good! Ouija board already meant to talk to ghosts = no good! Q: Can I write a ghost plane??? A: Ok but I would be very happy if it's like Christine (1983 film) rather than ghosts in a plane. Q: CAN I WRITE VIDEO GAME CREEPYPASTA???????????????????????????? A: k fine Q: Can I write bad words A: no pls die 1,666 words and I WILL ASSIGN THE TECHNOLOGY! HAHA! or if you don't want an assignment you get 999 words but you better specify you don't want it Sign-ups close: 11:59pm Friday PST Submissions close: 11:59pm Sunday PST Old People Yelling at Cloud: it's me a rhino oh no a mojo hee hee a chili Technomancers: 01. ThirdEmperor - blockchain 02. Antivehicular - mayan sun stone 03. curlingiron - washing machine 04. sparksbloom - chinese seismograph 05. flerp - laserdisc 06. apophenium - tandem bicycle 07. AllNewJonasSalk - cloud computing 08. Thranguy - cloud seeder 09. Flesnolk - claw machine 10. Ottermotive Insanity - swedish sauna 11. Yoruichi - 3d printer 12. NotGordian - pump athletic sneakers 13. Solitair - escalator 14. Tyrannosaurus - egyptian tempera paint 15. Chairchucker - electronic voting machine 16. Staggy - facial recognition system 17. sandnavyguy - drones 18. Obliterati - vending machine 19. Bolt Crank - atomic bomb 20. derp - FMV game 21. crabrock - defibrillator 22. Lippincott - armillary sphere 23. DeltaSquid - streaming media 24. QuoProQuid - aqueduct 25. Anomalous Blowout - mold casting 26. autism ZX spectrum - (999 words) thermionic valves The Saddest Rhino fucked around with this message at 03:11 on Oct 25, 2018 |
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Oct 24, 2018 04:35
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give gadget deliver unto me the flashing rules i am in dammit i am in
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Oct 24, 2018 04:36
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In, gimme some techs
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Oct 24, 2018 04:36
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ThirdEmperor posted:give gadget deliver unto me the flashing rules i am in dammit i am in blockchain Antivehicular posted:In, gimme some techs mayan sun stone The Saddest Rhino fucked around with this message at 03:07 on Oct 25, 2018 |
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Oct 24, 2018 04:37
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Fuggit, let's doooooo this, I am in
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Oct 24, 2018 04:37
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Wire me in
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Oct 24, 2018 04:39
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in (USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)
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Oct 24, 2018 04:40
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in in in in
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Oct 24, 2018 04:40
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In like Flynn
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Oct 24, 2018 04:40
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In, gimme gear
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Oct 24, 2018 04:43
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curlingiron posted:Fuggit, let's doooooo this, I am in washing machine sparksbloom posted:Wire me in chinese seismograph laserdisc apophenium posted:in in in in tandem bicycle AllNewJonasSalk posted:In like Flynn cloud computing Thranguy posted:In, gimme gear cloud seeder
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Oct 24, 2018 04:54
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I already signed up, give me a thing plz
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Oct 24, 2018 04:55
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I'll help judge bc I'm spooked up this weekend with td&d
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Oct 24, 2018 04:55
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in.
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Oct 24, 2018 05:00
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Flesnolk posted:I already signed up, give me a thing plz claw machine dreadmojo posted:I'll help judge bc I'm spooked up this weekend with td&d sweet swedish sauna
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Oct 24, 2018 05:01
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In
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Oct 24, 2018 05:06
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in
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Oct 24, 2018 05:09
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3d printer pump athletic sneakers
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Oct 24, 2018 05:13
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 SECRET SANTA  We did this last year and (for the most part) it went really well. Changing things up for this year but a lot is staying the same. Read on if you’re interested in sending poo poo around to celebrate the festive season. I’ll say this now and I’ll say it again at the end of the post: DO NOT INDICATE INTEREST OR ATTEMPT TO SIGN UP IN THREAD. Message me directly either through PM or on IRC. Not looking to bog down the thread. This year, I want to include as many people in on the festivities as possible. Accordingly, there are two ways you can participate in the merriment. If you want to join this year, you MUST participate in Event 1. Event 2 is optional. Event 1 The Gift of Trash Words Someone begins a story writing up to no more than 250 words. They then send me their part of the large holiday bash and I forward it on to their recipient. That person then continues on with their own 250 words and so on. I’m starting this early so that if we get a lot of people I’ll hopefully be able to give everyone a couple of days when the story hits them. If you can’t find the time to write 250 words, fine. I’ll call you a scrooge or something and crap out my own 250 to stand in for you (nobody wants this). There will be a prompt. It does not need to be strictly adhered to. You'll get the prompt when it's your turn to punch the holiday keys. We will end up with one collaborative trash pile of words that hopefully celebrates something. It may be glorious. Probably not. Also, since you'll know who is getting the story after you, feel free to steer the story in a direction they might like, if you know anything about them. Event 2 The Gift of Trash Presents (but seriously last year’s presents were pretty universally rad as gently caress) No limit, one way or the other, but keep your expectations low so you may be surprised! Gifts can range from something as small as a really nice greeting card to whatever the hell you can think up. Just make it personal or thoughtful or something. Also, in order to sign up for this event, you need to have completed at least 5 Thunderdome entries. Last year, I had separate circles for folks in and out of the US to try and keep shipping costs low, but I’m not doing that this year. Suffice to say, if shipping charges are crazy nuts for your Santee you can always consider digital gifts (gifts on steam, forums upgrades, whatever else). I’ll facilitate all communication between Santas and Santees. If you don't feel as though you know your santee very well, feel free to ask me questions that I'll then relay to them. DO NOT TALK TO YOUR SANTEE. THAT RUINS THE SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS AND YOU’LL MAKE THUNDEBABYJESUS CRY. If you’re getting and receiving a gift, the story portion you get will come from your Santa and you’ll be sending along the most recent story update to your Santee. HOW loving MIRTHFUL AND GAY IS THAT? Given as I want the story to have some time to be written, sign-ups will close on November 1st at 12PM EDT. To indicate your interest DO NOT POST. Preferably, send me a PM, but if you don’t have PMs find me on irc. I’m often on. I'm sometimes on Discrod too. If you have PM's and you're only signing up for Event 1, then I need nothing else from you. If you don't have PM's I need an e-mail to send the story to. Also, if you're signing up for Event 2, I'll need a mailing address for you so your Santa doesn't get lost on their way to where you live. Last note. If you (you know who you are) were one of the unfortunate, black-hearted haters who signed up last year and shafted your Santee, either by not delivering a present or a completed story, you’re persona non-grata this year. I won’t have any humbugs clouding things up. You can try again next year after you sit this one out. Same’ll go next year for anyone who is a bummer this year. I will confirm with you when you sign up. If you don't hear from me, it means I missed it. Try me again. Additionally, in the likely event that something here isn't clear, let me know outside of the thread and I'll be sure to amend what needs amending. I’ll post a reminder about this when the deadline is a few days away. For now, GET MERRY! Chili fucked around with this message at 06:07 on Oct 24, 2018 |
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Oct 24, 2018 05:45
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trash words are a gift I constantly give, asked for or not So I'll proudly be first in the chain
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Oct 24, 2018 05:46
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ThirdEmperor posted:trash words are a gift I constantly give, asked for or not That's nice. Now let's make that post, and this, the last that address Secret Santa until I post an update about signups like a week from now!
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Oct 24, 2018 05:51
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IN
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Oct 24, 2018 06:07
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In.
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Oct 24, 2018 06:10
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esclator egyptian tempera paint
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Oct 24, 2018 06:42
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Gimme a thing
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Oct 24, 2018 07:47
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Chairchucker posted:Gimme a thing electronic voting machine
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Oct 24, 2018 07:56
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In.
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Oct 24, 2018 09:00
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This is a cool one to come back to, In, hit me with science 
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Oct 24, 2018 09:01
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Tech me up nerds, I am in
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Oct 24, 2018 09:08
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Staggy posted:In. facial recognition system sandnavyguy posted:This is a cool one to come back to, In, hit me with science drones Obliterati posted:Tech me up nerds, I am in vending machine
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Oct 24, 2018 09:28
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Hoping for an insidious prompt!SurreptitiousMuffin posted:(Critiques)  It's on point, too - thank you for writing it up!
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Oct 24, 2018 16:16
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Yo rhino, I'll judge it up, if you need.
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Oct 24, 2018 16:26
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SurreptitiousMuffin posted:
perhaps my story was not seen... and thus, was not there...
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Oct 24, 2018 16:30
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also im in
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Oct 24, 2018 16:31
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in probably who knows anymore
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Oct 24, 2018 17:38
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In!
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Oct 24, 2018 17:42
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Thanks for crits muffin And extra thanks for leaving derp out. really meant a lot
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Oct 24, 2018 20:17
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| # ? Apr 16, 2024 13:56 |
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In for this week, gimme a thing
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Oct 24, 2018 21:12
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