FactsAreUseless posted:

Personally, I'm always crashing in the same car.

Karate Bastard posted:

Look I've crashed five cars I think I know what I'm talking about.

FactsAreUseless posted:

Personally, I'm always crashing in the same car.

Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

Veni Vidi Ameche! posted:

I assume the person ordering the butt plugs was Toys for rear end Bum.

FactsAreUseless posted:

Personally, I'm always crashing in the same car.

sandoz posted:

who the hell sits down to play some rdr2 and 1. doesn't ask their partner if it's OK to take over the TV and 2. demands that their partner NOT watch them play

?????

Barudak posted:

The exact person for whom Rockstar programmed realistic horse testicle physics into the game

FactsAreUseless posted:

Personally, I'm always crashing in the same car.

Choco1980 posted:

Eh, that's pretty much what you'd call an "elevator pitch" version of explaining it. For some people it is kinda proto-furry in that they like to roleplay animalistic tendencies, primarily in the bedroom, but it's also like, a different version of D/s dynamic energies. Like it's very dependent on how people's dominance and "alpha" whatever compares to that person. Like say, a person that is normally a dominant towards partners themselves, they'll only be submissive if they encounter someone who is somehow even more dominant and whatnot than them. Though there are plenty of other points on the scale, naturally. It's not like "switches" who are fluid and go back and forth, it's more like they have a rigid spot in the pecking order, and they don't travel up or down it.

tl;dr-Yeah, the guy in the UD example above is gonna die.

RCarr posted:

I just happen to be able to very specifically explain the details of being “primal.”

reignofevil posted:

If it means free shipping on amazon; hell, sign me up.

FactsAreUseless posted:

Personally, I'm always crashing in the same car.

PittTheElder posted:

At least there's no smashbros "memes" on this page.

Samuringa posted:

https://i.imgur.com/qcsQGBF.gifv

Son of Thunderbeast posted:

lmfao

Stupid_Sexy_Flander posted:

Long shot, but I was hoping someone had a link or a screencap of my favorite post. Someone started a thread about ideas about how to ensure their first time with their girlfriend would be special, and the first response was amazing, with dinosaur party plates and napkins, etc.

Argon-40 posted:

Got you covered:

purple death ray posted:

Nice

Argon-40 posted:

Got you covered:

https://imgur.com/a/fj7sqZ8

Argon-40 posted:

Got you covered:

https://imgur.com/a/fj7sqZ8

FactsAreUseless posted:

I knew somebody would like this

quote:

party of 30 guests

Wizard Master posted:

Covski posted:

I'm unreasonably annoyed by the "virgin and prostitute" one though, since such a thing is absolutely possible.

Arrhythmia posted:

I mean, she can actually just be a lovely prostitute.

PHIZ KALIFA posted:

me, 2004: haha! this rulez! 4chan runs teh world! itty bitty baby! itty bitty boat!
me, 2018: oh no. oh no oh no oh no. what have we done. what have we done

dreadmojo posted:

jobson groeth posted:

Terminally woke person: Furries are people too

Furries: No we're not!

dreadmojo posted:

Black August posted:

That is why FF7 should not be remade

It was a colorful, crappy, quirky, vibrant, perverted, passionate game, and it should be allowed to just sit there and be janky and fucky as hell on its own down in the quiet ghost world of Games Past

Instead they want to drag out the corpse to pump full of chemicals to induce spasms as they slap fake plastic flesh all over it and cake on half a ton of makeup and lights before dumping it on stage to be torn apart limb from limb by a screaming faceless crowd of nobodies

Randaconda posted:

Americans should never get lectured by an Australian about racism

bike tory posted:

Yeah it's true, Americans hate listening to experts.

Your Taint posted:

I didn't figure this one out myself but it was shown to me and now I can't unsee it.

https://twitter.com/PlinketyPlink/status/1063592555563151360?s=19

purple death ray posted:

*checks calendar* 36

Ugato posted:

I can guess what I’m supposed to see but I don’t see it at all.

Aphrodite posted:

Does this help?

Anonymous Confessions Thread posted:

so a few months back I became a local hero on accident and it's ruined my terrible lifestyle and I hate it

To set the scene for you guys: I live in a tiny bumfuck nowhere town. I won't specify where exactly because I have no clue if anyone here has an account and I don't want them to read any of this poo poo. Suffice to say though, not a lot of people here. My family is local nobility, my dad's rich as hell and keeps talking about how he's gonna run for state senate but then not running because obama or some loving excuse, mostly actually because he's gotten lazy and fat and hasn't done any actual work in 20 years. I also am lazy and fat and haven't done any work in 20 years, and I'm only in my 20s. I'm the disappointing member of the family, I live by myself in my dead aunt's house who left it to me because she thought I needed the help. I flunked out of state college and do lovely manual work at an extremely low degree of actual usefulness. Pretty sure my dad pays my boss not to fire me purely so that he can say that his son has a job. Anyway I'm a loving recluse, I don't go out and my house is a loving hoarder hole because I take out 2 weeks worth of garbage every 3 weeks. This is all fine, I liked it this way, I'm a social outcast and living in a garbage shack with rock bottom expectations is what suited me best.

but I hosed it up and I accidentally did a good thing. Few months ago I get home work and get drunk, as I do. I steady drink for like 6 hours and then go to sleep at around midnight. around 4am I am woken up by a loving godawful shouting match going outside. Just 2 people loving hollering at each other. I am loving absolutely furious because I'm tired as hell and kinda drunk still, so I decide to go out and shut them up. I put on my pants and I stomp out the front door. While I'm doing this the 2 people yelling become 1 person yelling and 1 person screaming, which I don't notice at the time. So I lumber outside and I find the girl who lives next to me out on her lawn in her jammies and her ex-boyfriend standing out at his truck in the road, and he's yelling at her and she's screaming. I figure it's the guy's fault and he doesn't live here so I start walking up to him, yelling at him to shut up and gently caress off. I'm wearing my work pants so I actually have a wrench on me and I grab that in order to make the message more clear, and I'm a huge loving dude so I figure that should be enough to make him go. To my surprise he, despite being about 200 pounds lighter than me, doesn't seem to be bothered by this, and he starting yelling at me that I should gently caress off. At this point I get absolutely gently caress-rear end mad and club him with the wrench. He drops like a sack of potatoes, silence falls, and I go back into my house. I call the cops, tell em a guy has been clubbed. I call my dad, tell him that I hosed up. Then I go to sleep, because my uncle's a judge and I figure that unless the guy died he and dad will smooth things over and the guy looked like he was at least still twitching so things are probably good.

That's my genuine honest account of the night from my perspective. The video footage taken by the cellphones of like 4 or 5 other people on that street and shown to the police show something else. They show a crazy rear end ex-boyfriend that the girl had dated at a university in California ranting at her on her lawn in the middle of the night after driving for like 3 days to get here. Then when she comes outside to get him to leave and tells him that no, she's not getting back with his crazy rear end, he pulls a loving gun on her and starts shouting threatens and waving it around. Then, I come out, confront the guy. He points the gun at me and I don't even miss a step in walking up to club him in the head. Then I just turn around and go back inside.

i didn't even loving see it. A guy literally pointed a gun at my face from like 5 feet away and I didn't loving notice. And he expected it to stop me in my tracks to the point where, when I totally ignored it, he was so surprised that he forgot to shoot. Now everyone thinks I'm loving jesus when the truth is my loving caveman ape-brain was so soaked in booze and sleep-deprived that I forgot what guns are. Now everyone's trying to help me, and I hate it. Now it's not all bad, I get cut more slack for being a loving loser but the general populace and that old bitch 2 doors down has stopped leaving those passive aggressive letters on my porch threatening to have me fined if I don't cut my grass, but now my family have loving renewed expectations of me, dad wants me to go to rehab and dry out and go back to college, uncle's trying to get me to get in shape and become a cop or something I don't know, my loving sister started talking to me again even though I was perfectly loving happy when she decided to cut contact with me for being depressing. gently caress, it was all fine.

that's not the worst part though. the worst part is the girl. I made the biggest loving mistake ever: I hosed her. god I'm loving stupid. I'm 350 pound and pig ugly so ever since it became clear that I wasn't gonna be a conduit to dad's money(which was when I was like 19) I haven't had any female attention I hadn't paid for and I hadn't had the cash to pay for it in a while. the girl started coming around and knocking on my door and wanting to talk to me and thank me a few days after and cause I was still dumbfounded at what I'd actually loving done I mostly just sat there and listened to her instead of being my usual self and I guess I came off as being quiet and attentive or some poo poo and then eventually she said I should come over to her place and we hosed. And then I learn that she was a virgin before and the reason she dumped the guy was because she wanted to save it for the man she was gonna marry and he was real pushy about it, and apparently me saving her was like a sign from god or something. Now she's always coming over and trying to clean up my house and get me to lose weight and go out and do stuff. Normally I'd just blow people off like I did with my parents but the girl went through a lot and I'm not enough of a shitheel to do that to her so at this point mostly I'm just going along with what she says but I miss my loving lifestyle and the no expectations. My family's pushing on me but it's worse with her. Now I feel like I trapped the poor girl and then she trapped me also. my mom has started asking me when I'm gonna marry this girl too. I just wish things would go back to the way they were and I wouldn't have to deal with this.

Solice Kirsk posted:

Drunk goon goes clubbing and winds up getting laid. We've come a long way since the early 2000's friends.

CROWS EVERYWHERE posted:

Toast was very picky about what colours he would eat. My vet recommended putting paper pellet kitty litter in with the food to encourage foraging and reduce the number of pellets that get flung out and it's definitely helped with Crouton and Galbedir. I think that if they get bored they start inventing extra conditions their food has to have, eg no blue pellets. If they have inedible paper pellets to find and discard, they feel like discerning birds who have used their brain power for foraging and they can eat all the pellets of all colours.

FactsAreUseless posted:

Like Van Halen, they're just doing it to make sure you set up their sound system correctly. Birds have very large amplifiers.

Neddy Seagoon posted:

Nah, they mostly have tweeters.

Friend posted:

Araenna posted:

Club goon is dying of old age at 130. He is a beloved member of his community, having been mayor for five decades straight before retiring to head a charity for footless orphan refugees. As he feels himself slip away, surrounded by four generations of his loving family, holding the hand of his wife of a century, his last thought floats through his mind.

"Thank God that hell is over."

Petite Dinklage posted:

update

https://twitter.com/IndiaToday/status/1065136494476582914

Ehud posted:

it’s nice to at least somebody taking their faith seriously

Thaddius the Large posted:

Right? I talk a big game, but I’ve never actually physically attacked any canvassers or door to door salesmen

Archyduchess posted:

I think if any two strips are ripe for having their captions swapped it would be Rose Is Rose and Compu-Toon because everybody in both sounds like if Kaspar Hauser lived at the hallmark store.

jemand posted:

Rad-daddio posted:

Does anyone else see a face in the red speedo on the lower right side?

Solice Kirsk posted:

Not yet, but you get in there champ!

TV dog Wishbone of PBS posted:

Elon, with his arms wide.

Tesla, when the wheels whomped.

Grandmother of Five posted:

Sometimes I think that I must suffer under some kind of delusion to somehow think of this as a comedy-website rather than as a space for people to vomit out their history of mental illness and poor life-decisions.

Grandmother of Five posted:

*clciks comedy-website, gazing across parade of human misery; drug-addiction, depression, alcoholism, people debasing themselves and their loved ones, people struggling with the aftermath of sexual abuse* ...hmm...Goldmine