TSLA: When this baby hits 88 you're going to see some serious shit

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > YOSPOS > TSLA: When this baby hits 88 you're going to see some serious shit

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NtotheTC: Dec 31, 2007

Endless Mike posted:

nhtsa would be the agency you're looking for. ntsb investigates accidents after they happen.

there needs to be an agency for accidents waiting to happen

# ? Nov 16, 2018 16:09

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 21:26

President Beep: Apr 30, 2009; i have to have a car because otherwise i cant drive around the country solving mysteries while being doggedly pursued by federal marshals for a crime i did not commit (9/11)

flakeloaf posted:

i know the pieces fit
cause i watched them drive away
mismatched and moldering
fun, the molding's different
self-driving cars supposed to set pedestrians in motion
bumper falls off as it goes
testing cars while in production

and so on

and so forth
*snort*

# ? Nov 16, 2018 16:17

flakeloaf: Feb 26, 2003; Still better than android clock

NtotheTC posted:

there needs to be an agency for accidents waiting to happen

i enjoyed the drowsy chaperone

# ? Nov 16, 2018 16:20

Nomnom Cookie: Aug 30, 2009

look if the brakes were good then you would be less likely to experience tesla's industry-leading crash safety and that would be doing a disservice to customers

# ? Nov 16, 2018 17:07

Nomnom Cookie: Aug 30, 2009

still

about OTA brake updates. delivering software over the internet is a security nightmare and really it mostly works because no ones cares enough to ratfuck you. apple can't avoid dealing with it cause they have an app store and also its a fuckin fondleslab who cares if the brakes dont work. cars are not the same

# ? Nov 16, 2018 17:15

President Beep: Apr 30, 2009; i have to have a car because otherwise i cant drive around the country solving mysteries while being doggedly pursued by federal marshals for a crime i did not commit (9/11)

Kevin Mitnick P.E. posted:

still about OTA brake updates. delivering software over the internet is a security nightmare and really it mostly works because no ones cares enough to ratfuck you. apple can't avoid dealing with it cause they have an app store and also its a fuckin fondleslab who cares if the brakes dont work. cars are not the same

brakes as a service

# ? Nov 16, 2018 17:21

Best Bi Geek Squid: Mar 25, 2016

Kevin Mitnick P.E. posted:

fuckin fondleslab

mods pls

# ? Nov 16, 2018 17:23

Sagebrush: Feb 26, 2012

Endless Mike posted:

nhtsa would be the agency you're looking for. ntsb investigates accidents after they happen.

tesla is being investigated by both agencies. all car manufacturers go back and forth with the nhtsa, but when the ntsb gets involved, some real serious poo poo is going down:

Sagebrush posted:

reminder: blowing off the NTSB is a really dangerous play

i've noticed that many people writing articles about tesla seem to conflate the NHTSA and the NTSB and their roles. the NHTSA (national highway traffic safety administration) is the organization that usually handles car safety regs -- things like "your lights need to be this bright and this high off the ground," "cars made after this date need seat belts," "turn signals need to make an audible noise." normally they would be the point of contact for a car safety problem e.g. the takata airbag recall. car manufacturers have lots of back-and-forth with the NHTSA.

the NTSB (national transportation safety board), however, is the other half of the FAA -- they were both split off from the same organization in the 60s. they are the people who gather up all the pieces of a crashed airplane and reconstruct the chain of events down to the second from the scratches on a turbine blade. they are charged with maintaining safety of the nation's entire transportation infrastructure, but usual defer roadway stuff to the NHTSA, focusing more on air transit, heavy shipping, and railways.

if the NTSB is calling up your car company and asking questions, you are in Deep poo poo or very near to it

# ? Nov 16, 2018 17:27

infernal machines: Oct 11, 2012; we monitor many frequencies. we listen always. came a voice, out of the babel of tongues, speaking to us. it played us a mighty dub.

Kevin Mitnick P.E. posted:

still about OTA brake updates. delivering software over the internet is a security nightmare and really it mostly works because no ones cares enough to ratfuck you. apple can't avoid dealing with it cause they have an app store and also its a fuckin fondleslab who cares if the brakes dont work. cars are not the same

if you remember back to the alleged insider who posted here (and subsequently got murked by a tesla death squad), they said that certificate verification was disabled on the backend network because it broke poo poo. vehicles get updates ota across an openVPN connection that doesn't verify certs...

# ? Nov 16, 2018 17:32

Cocoa Crispies: Jul 20, 2001; Vehicular Manslaughter!; Pillbug

flakeloaf posted:

sucks to your rear end car

"Tesla: sucks to your rear end car" mods

# ? Nov 16, 2018 17:34

Endless Mike: Aug 13, 2003

Sagebrush posted:

tesla is being investigated by both agencies. all car manufacturers go back and forth with the nhtsa, but when the ntsb gets involved, some real serious poo poo is going down:

yes, i'm well aware, just saying that ntsb doesn't write regulations on vehicle testing. that's nhtsa's thing.

# ? Nov 16, 2018 18:20

elite_garbage_man: Apr 3, 2010; I THINK THAT "PRIMA DONNA" IS "PRE-MADONNA". I MAY BE ILLITERATE.

I have a good lol every time I see a tesla owner say some dumb poo poo like "I expected defects, but not like this!!!".

# ? Nov 16, 2018 19:19

President Beep: Apr 30, 2009; i have to have a car because otherwise i cant drive around the country solving mysteries while being doggedly pursued by federal marshals for a crime i did not commit (9/11)

same, but when they talk about the defects being worth it, because they�re achieving...something??

# ? Nov 16, 2018 19:33

President Beep: Apr 30, 2009; i have to have a car because otherwise i cant drive around the country solving mysteries while being doggedly pursued by federal marshals for a crime i did not commit (9/11)

�i know the Khmer rouge had their problems, but they helped introduce cambodian cuisine to the rest of the world!�

# ? Nov 16, 2018 19:34

psiox: Oct 15, 2001; Babylon 5 Street Team

Cocoa Crispies posted:

"Tesla: sucks to your rear end car" mods

# ? Nov 16, 2018 19:38

Grace Baiting: Jul 20, 2012; Audi famam illius;
Cucurrit quaeque
Tetigit destruens.

You won't care

# ? Nov 16, 2018 19:47

Poniard: Apr 3, 2011

you're supposed to use the hyperpoop torch to thaw your tesla

# ? Nov 16, 2018 22:14

H.P. Hovercraft: Jan 12, 2004; one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse; Slippery Tilde

# ? Nov 16, 2018 22:14

KOTEX GOD OF BLOOD: Jul 7, 2012

Poniard posted:

hyperpoop torch

mods i beg of u

# ? Nov 16, 2018 22:16

President Beep: Apr 30, 2009; i have to have a car because otherwise i cant drive around the country solving mysteries while being doggedly pursued by federal marshals for a crime i did not commit (9/11)

Poniard posted:

you're supposed to use the hyperpoop not a torch to thaw your tesla

# ? Nov 16, 2018 22:30

PIZZA.BAT: Nov 12, 2016

Endless Mike posted:

what, your car doesn't have seasonal allergies?

lol

# ? Nov 17, 2018 00:01

George: Nov 27, 2004; No love for your made-up things.

looks like they solved the problem of what to do with the excess heat

# ? Nov 17, 2018 00:04

President Beep: Apr 30, 2009; i have to have a car because otherwise i cant drive around the country solving mysteries while being doggedly pursued by federal marshals for a crime i did not commit (9/11)

in conclusion, tesla is a car of contrasts.

# ? Nov 17, 2018 00:28

wargames: Mar 16, 2008; official yospos cat censor

President Beep posted:

in conclusion, tesla is a car of contrasts.

a contrast of poop and literally being on fire.

# ? Nov 17, 2018 04:55

Dixie Cretin Seaman: Jan 22, 2008; all hat and one catte; Hot Rope Guy

infernal machines posted:

if you look at the second article i posted the tl;dr: is that like literally everything on the model 3, tesla calibrated the abs on their perfectly clean, smooth, test track and never tested them anywhere else. unsurprisingly, they didn't work for poo poo in real-world road conditions

elon musk, yelling at firmware devs: i need you to push out an update ASAP to make every tesla effectively brake. and whatever you do, don't let a single car break after the update!!

# ? Nov 17, 2018 05:45

elite_garbage_man: Apr 3, 2010; I THINK THAT "PRIMA DONNA" IS "PRE-MADONNA". I MAY BE ILLITERATE.

elon smokes weed now

no way he's gonna yell

He'll probably come to some misguided revaluation while high, and a bunch of confused devs will implement his weed thoughts and kill a bunch of people

# ? Nov 17, 2018 06:10

wargames: Mar 16, 2008; official yospos cat censor

We all know ELon is a narc for more gubberment loans and grants.

# ? Nov 17, 2018 06:28

President Beep: Apr 30, 2009; i have to have a car because otherwise i cant drive around the country solving mysteries while being doggedly pursued by federal marshals for a crime i did not commit (9/11)

elite_garbage_man posted:

elon smokes weed now

no way he's gonna yell

He'll probably come to some misguided revaluation while high, and a bunch of confused devs will implement his weed thoughts and kill a bunch of people

can someone itt please monitor r/highdeas for any musk activity?

# ? Nov 17, 2018 08:33

Dixie Cretin Seaman: Jan 22, 2008; all hat and one catte; Hot Rope Guy

Dixie Cretin Seaman posted:

elon musk, yelling at firmware devs: i need you to push out an update ASAP to make every tesla effectively brake. and whatever you do, don't let a single car break after the update!!

(it is a homophone joke)

# ? Nov 17, 2018 08:47

President Beep: Apr 30, 2009; i have to have a car because otherwise i cant drive around the country solving mysteries while being doggedly pursued by federal marshals for a crime i did not commit (9/11)

freakin brakesit.

# ? Nov 17, 2018 08:49

DELETE CASCADE: Oct 25, 2017; i haven't washed my penis since i jerked it to a phtotograph of george w. bush in 2003

elite_garbage_man posted:

He'll probably come to some misguided revaluation while high, and a bunch of confused devs will implement his weed thoughts

Don�t post my job description

# ? Nov 17, 2018 08:55

klafbang: Nov 18, 2009; Clapping Larry

Move fast, brake poo poo

# ? Nov 17, 2018 09:01

infernal machines: Oct 11, 2012; we monitor many frequencies. we listen always. came a voice, out of the babel of tongues, speaking to us. it played us a mighty dub.

tesla duck

# ? Nov 17, 2018 17:17

KOTEX GOD OF BLOOD: Jul 7, 2012

no panel gap problems on this one, or any other issues so far aside from the tablet ui sucking rear end. guy renting it out said there was some tailight condensation that went away, he owns a fleet and compared the build quality to a 3 series. the interior isnt audi level but is about par for the course at the price point. this thing is pretty fucken quick, i already miss having an engine and a stickshift but i could prolly get used to it

# ? Nov 17, 2018 17:39

HAIL eSATA-n: Apr 7, 2007

body holds together. entire user interface is horrible. water in the lights. interior sucks. car fast. i love the car though.

verge score 9.8

# ? Nov 17, 2018 17:42

KOTEX GOD OF BLOOD: Jul 7, 2012

one of the nicest things is visibility, i thought the greenhouse in the a6 was good but you can see everything out of this car. eliminating the dash appears to have been a major factor in that and its *almost* worth it

# ? Nov 17, 2018 17:46

KOTEX GOD OF BLOOD: Jul 7, 2012

the all-touch thing is definitely some dumb elon poo poo tho lol, losing physical switches is awful and unnecessary

# ? Nov 17, 2018 17:47

KOTEX GOD OF BLOOD: Jul 7, 2012

whoops signed my poast

# ? Nov 17, 2018 17:48

Endless Mike: Aug 13, 2003

why don't you give your car a hug before it falls apart in some light rain?

https://twitter.com/zomgapocalypse/status/1063838346781310976

# ? Nov 17, 2018 17:58

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 21:26

FCKGW: May 21, 2006

jfc

# ? Nov 17, 2018 18:02

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > YOSPOS > TSLA: When this baby hits 88 you're going to see some serious shit

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