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Lava Lamp Goddess posted:Met a guy on a dating site. We chatted for a while and decided to grab drinks one night. He was decent looking and we had fun. rude
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Nov 23, 2018 18:00
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Dienes posted:Yeah but did you sleep with him? No, we played NBA Jam for a while and then I left.
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Nov 23, 2018 18:05
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Lava Lamp Goddess posted:No, we played NBA Jam for a while and then I left. You really shouldn't have left this out of the story, it compliments the rest so well.
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Nov 23, 2018 19:08
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Lava Lamp Goddess posted:Met a guy on a dating site. We chatted for a while and decided to grab drinks one night. He was decent looking and we had fun. You were right to avoid him in the end. Silver is the superior hedgehog. Screaming Idiot has a new favorite as of 19:34 on Nov 23, 2018 |
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Nov 23, 2018 19:27
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Lava Lamp Goddess posted:No, we played NBA Jam for a while and then I left. What team did he pick? Did he put the code in to play as Bill Clinton?
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Nov 23, 2018 19:28
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T-man posted:I've never kissed anyone, dated anyone, nor do I have more than one friend. And I'm pretty much at peace with it. I'll take you on an awkward date and then be your friend. It's how most of my dates end up anyway lol
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Nov 23, 2018 19:39
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MageMage posted:I'll take you on an awkward date and then be your friend. You're just too nice. Try being an rear end in a top hat to get that sweet sweet poon.
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Nov 23, 2018 20:05
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So first dates can vary between disappointing blowjobs and hedgehog hilarity.
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Nov 23, 2018 20:27
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Sorry, Mage Mage, our views on anime, minecraft, and postmodern anarchist thought would get in the way of things. Signed, a normal one. And I'm willing to take those odds, so long as there's no blowjobs for sonic fans.
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Nov 23, 2018 20:31
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T-man posted:Sorry, Mage Mage, our views on anime, minecraft, and postmodern anarchist thought would get in the way of things. Signed, a normal one. I thought we were cool, T-man.
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Nov 23, 2018 20:34
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Sonic fans value blue balls and would not want blowjobs. You're playing right into their hands.
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Nov 23, 2018 20:35
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fizzymercy posted:Sonic fans value blue balls and would not want blowjobs. You're playing right into their hands. Sonic's genitalia are actually flesh-tone as proven by the furless patch on his belly and arms AND NO SONIC BOOM IS NOT loving CANON YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKERS
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Nov 23, 2018 20:38
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Solice Kirsk posted:What team did he pick? Did he put the code in to play as Bill Clinton? You should have to put in a code to NOT play as Bill Clinton imo
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Nov 23, 2018 20:42
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Super Grocery Kart posted:You should have to put in a code to NOT play as Bill Clinton imo In every game Except Sonic the Hedgehog
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Nov 23, 2018 20:43
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Screaming Idiot posted:I thought we were cool, T-man. I said nothing of any other sexual activity. fizzymercy posted:Sonic fans value blue balls and would not want blowjobs. You're playing right into their hands. See above.
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Nov 23, 2018 20:44
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I was making an off-color joke.
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Nov 23, 2018 20:44
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Screaming Idiot posted:In every game The sex mini-games in the old God of Wars would have gotten been real weird with ol’ Bill rocking the Blades of Chaos
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Nov 23, 2018 20:49
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I just want you all to know that I watched that video of the worms in the intestine several hours ago, and it's still burned into my mind
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Nov 23, 2018 22:50
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Non Serviam posted:I just want you all to know that I watched that video of the worms in the intestine several hours ago, and it's still burned into my mind  I will never eat bean sprouts again
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Nov 23, 2018 22:56
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Bad first dates, huh? This happened a few years ago. A co-worker sets me up for a date with her cousin. "You are so perfect for each other, you like the same music and books. After a lot of "Come on, you have got to give dating another try, you can't live like a nun for the rest of your life" I go to meet him for drinks. Bloke looks at me, and takes out a card with a phone number. "It's the plastic surgeon my mum and my sister use. He can fix you too." That was my last ever date, I decided I'm really done with dating. No interest in any more relationships, and completely passed wanting sex anyway.
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Nov 23, 2018 23:05
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My worst first date was amazing, right up until it wasn't. Got a date from a gorgeous rock climber when I was picking up wrist wraps, and we ended up getting poo poo housed and going back to her apartment. Everything was going good until she was on top of me facing away and she said "oh no" I could feel her trying to hold back. She tried her hardest. I was scared to touch her, lest the demons escape. She vomited. And projectile shat liquid fire. All over my legs and chest. The smell made me cry. She was crying. Trying to take a shower clogged her loving shower. We never talked again. I've never had a first date to a bar since. I just can't risk it.
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Nov 23, 2018 23:13
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I don't have any video because it didn't seem appropriate, but I watched a manatee necropsy and it's lungs and trachea were FILLED with worms. They also inflated the lungs in a bucket by blowing in a large syringe so they could find where a puncture mark was. Poor thing had been hit by a boat. Broken ribs, punctured lung, ended up really sick and couldn't be saved. Slow down in manatee zones!
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Nov 23, 2018 23:58
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Skeleton Ape posted:My first girlfriend was giving me my first blowjob on our first date when she suddenly stopped and said "would you finish already?" one of the boys tells this exact story but it ended with him saying "maybe I'll cum if you show me your pussy", so crack that out next time
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Nov 24, 2018 00:20
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SeaGoatSupreme posted:My worst first date was amazing, right up until it wasn't. Got a date from a gorgeous rock climber when I was picking up wrist wraps, and we ended up getting poo poo housed and going back to her apartment. Everything was going good until she was on top of me facing away and she said "oh no" Wow what a lovely date
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Nov 24, 2018 01:05
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SeaGoatSupreme posted:My worst first date was amazing, right up until it wasn't. Got a date from a gorgeous rock climber when I was picking up wrist wraps, and we ended up getting poo poo housed and going back to her apartment. Everything was going good until she was on top of me facing away and she said "oh no" Let's all welcome Tucker Max to the forums.
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Nov 24, 2018 01:17
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Mammal Sauce posted:Let's all welcome Tucker Max to the forums. Lol
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Nov 24, 2018 01:24
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Not so much a date, but me being awkwardly oblivious, despite very obvious signals. Back in college I met a girl at a party, an in person, college-specific internet message board meetup. The first party we met at she ended up sitting in my lap, but she had a boyfriend so I didn’t think much of it. Her boyfriend only came to these parties occasionally, so this happened a few times. We’d chat on AIM regularly. I was attracted to her, but she had a boyfriend so I just assumed none of it was actually her hitting on me. Then she and her boyfriend went on a break. We got dinner couple of times, and were talking on AIM more than usual. Then one night we were talking on AIM, and she invited herself over to watch a movie. She didn’t have a car, so I drove over to pick her up. On the ride back to my apartment she told me that she’d just had her clit pierced. Back at my place we watched the Royal Tenebaums, and she laid down on the couch with her head/shoulders on my lap. After awhile she took my arm off of the top of the couch, and laid it across her stomach, then a bit later positioned it across her chest. I’m not sure why I didn’t get the hint, but we finished watching the movie, hung out some in my bedroom, then I driver her home. We hung out a few more times, but then she got back together with her boyfriend, and I got shut down the next time I asked if she wanted to hang out. If she wanted to bone she should have taken the approach that one of my friend’s friends from high school did a few months later. She was in town visiting a few months later, she kissed me on the forehead and whispered “I’d gently caress you if my boyfriend wasn’t here.” They had an open relationship, so I made the three hour drive to her town the next weekend and we fooled around. She broke up with him shortly afterwards, and we hooked up a few more times.
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Nov 24, 2018 01:25
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Mammal Sauce posted:Let's all welcome Tucker Max to the forums. Was this a Max work? I was waiting for something about a small dog or a guy in a closet, tbh.
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Nov 24, 2018 01:26
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Mammal Sauce posted:Let's all welcome Tucker Max to the forums. Hahaha!
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Nov 24, 2018 01:52
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EPICAC posted:Not so much a date, but me being awkwardly oblivious, despite very obvious signals. This seems less like awkwardly oblivious and more like a creepy simp hanging around a girl he knows is involved hoping his constant non-threatening presence in her life would pay dividends. Sorry it didn't work out I guess. Also I'm probably alone in this but there's nothing really AUG about a lot of yalls "In high-school I was attractive and didn't even know it haha" stories. More stories like the leg-shitter tia
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Nov 24, 2018 01:56
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Mammal Sauce posted:Let's all welcome Tucker Max to the forums. Sadly I have no other stories of getting smashed and getting poo poo on, that seems like his Tuesday morning. I did once wake up naked in a daycare, but it wasn't a stand alone daycare, just the bottom floor of the hosts house. But that's like all my stories. I'm not d8 or whoever 
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Nov 24, 2018 02:08
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Skeleton Ape posted:My first girlfriend was giving me my first blowjob on our first date when she suddenly stopped and said "would you finish already?" Deified Data posted:leg-shitter
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Nov 24, 2018 02:23
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Nov 24, 2018 02:55
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You gonna eat that?
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Nov 24, 2018 03:04
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That is a drat clean circa-1999 Dillard's bathroom, I tell you what.
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Nov 24, 2018 03:43
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Nov 24, 2018 11:22
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That's past gross and into just plain loving nasty. 
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Nov 24, 2018 14:15
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Dixville posted:This is a great thing to say to make sure the other person does not have an orgasm any time in the near future It was one of the least erotic bjs ever. I was dropping her off and we were parked outside her parents house and without warning she just started going to town. She was fully clothed wearing a hoodie and kept slapping my hand away whenever I tried to squeeze a boob or anything. I did eventually finish. Then she said bye and left 
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Nov 24, 2018 15:20
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The date I was on that ended up awkward because of me was because of the unfortunate confluence of Black Velvet dress, a glob of stray jizz (it went everywhere) and her very, very Evangelical parents. Other highlights include a girl who didn't know what plutonium was, a girl who I'm pretty sure was going to murder me, a white supremacist, and one girl who was a sex worker and dumped me because I didn't want to be her pimp.
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Nov 24, 2018 18:29
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Peeny Cheez posted:The date I was on that ended up awkward because of me was because of the unfortunate confluence of Black Velvet dress, a glob of stray jizz (it went everywhere) and her very, very Evangelical parents. I understand because .... Pimpin’ ain’t easy. It also makes you subhuman scum.
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Nov 24, 2018 18:47
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