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crits for yoruichi My Ex-racehorse This is nicely descriptive, but I think it gets a little hung up in the realism. I came away from this very certain you ride horses and really enjoy it, but I could've used a little bit more insight into the connection between rider and horse. Like, there is clearly a rapport between rider and mount, but for a first person narrative it feels overly focused on the physical. I start this story expecting a nice ride on the beach, and that's exactly what I got. Often it's enough to simply express a moment or feeling, but I don't think I connected with the exhilaration of the moment the way the story wants me to. It's a nice piece of writing, it just does exactly what's expected, and I think part of that is that you are very familiar with the feelings and sensations depicted in the story, so those of us who aren't horse-inclined feel a bit like outsiders. I feel like I'm being overly critical because the words themselves were nice, but I was left slightly wanting by the end. Everything is Going to be Okay The story does what it says on the box. At the end, the characters have agreed that everything will be okay, because. None of their problems are actually resolved, it's more like Mary decided to go full Manic Pixie Dream Girl without an actual endgame plan. Usually with very short fiction I don't demand a twist or a dynamic arc the same way I would with a longer story, but in this case i feel like the ending really needed to contain some element that subverted, contradicted, or underscored one or both characters' points of view. The kiss at the end doesn't really move the emotional needle because there's never a moment where i doubt that these two people are in love; they are clearly a team going through hard times, and nothing really challenges that, and there is no real sense of accomplishment or resolution in their touching moment on the beach.
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Nov 28, 2018 09:46
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I'm an idiot and totally missed Yoru's other story I Have No Need of God This is a nice contrast to the other two stories because there's a bit of an emotional arc and it takes a nice trip outside of pleasantbeachville. I walked away from this feeling a mix of feelings about the protag; I believe they've done wrong and so aren't able to face death with a clean conscience, but is prepared to use the remainder of their life more ethically than before. Also the imagery is cool.
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Nov 28, 2018 10:24
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Ottermotive Insanity posted:In flash The Lamp burns sure -- within -- Tho' Serfs -- supply the Oil -- It matters not the busy Wick -- At her phosphoric toil!
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Nov 28, 2018 13:06
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In, flash, toxx, toxx to complete my crits for at least the last round I judged before Christmas. I know that's a lot of time to give myself for that but I am at the tail end of the semester.
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Nov 28, 2018 15:28
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Flesnolk posted:In, flash, toxx, toxx to complete my crits for at least the last round I judged before Christmas. I know that's a lot of time to give myself for that but I am at the tail end of the semester. Experience is the Angled Road Preferred against the MInd By -- Paradox -- the MInd itself -- Presuming it to lead
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Nov 29, 2018 00:59
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A crit of Digging Holes is Really Hard, OK? by Chairchucker I enjoyed the deadpan humour in this. To really work I think it needed clearer characters. For example, I wasn't sure whether our murderous hero is a normal guy who just really really had to kill Paul because Paul is really really creepy (he loves his sister after all), or if he's a stone cold psychopath (because his sister "needs to be more careful"). Either way would probably work, the story just needed to pick. I would also have liked some details about why Paul was so super creepy.
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Nov 29, 2018 08:20
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Quick thing: gonna try our hand at another game night tonight! Last one was a ton of fun and well attended! Gonna look to get started at around 11:30 EST
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Nov 29, 2018 23:22
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La Familia Orfeo 948 words Carmina had been worried that her family would be too embarrassed by the manner of her death to put her photo on the living room ofrenda, but there it was, right in the center and bigger than all the rest. Carmina thought they'd use one of the pictures from her quinceañera, but instead they'd chosen a picture of Carmina laughing genuinely, taken while she wasn't looking. The family itself wasn't as somber as Carmina was accustomed to them being on the Day of the Dead. Instead, they were busying themselves with the wiring on a strange metallic wheel. Mamá, usually seen making everyone else feel guilty about not respecting the dead and eating too much candy, was sliding glowing green cannisters into receptacles in the side of the wheel, and Papá was tinkering with the battery instead of insisting he wasn't that drunk on the mezcal. Carmina approached her older brother David. He was pouring deep-red powder into a gadget the shape of a tuning fork. He called something out to the rest of the family, but Carmina couldn't hear it. Living language had become muted and indistinct when she died. She called out his name, though she knew he would hear her as well as she had heard the ghosts on Days of the Dead past. "David, I am here. Every year we did this, I thought it was a game, but I'm here now." But David continued filling the bizarre wands. Carmina wanted her family to say something to her, even if she couldn't understand it. She would know from their cadence and their tears if they were allowing her the forgiveness she didn't deserve. Instead, they kept diligently working on the machine. Papá said something with the tone of a question. Mamá nodded. David handed each of his parents a tuning fork, keeping one for himself. Mamá, Papá, and David gathered in a circle. "What are you doing?" Carmina shouted, going through her parents into the center of the circle. "Why are playing with this toy? I've been gone all of two months, and these machines are more important than my memory?" And of course they ignored her spirit amongst them as much as they did her picture on the ofrenda. Each held their tuning fork to their temple. Though Carmina couldn't hear their words, she knew they were counting down together. "What are you doing? Have you forgotten me?" Carmina cried as she read David's lips. Tres...dos...uno... There was a bright red flash. When it had cleared, Mamá, Papá, and David still faced the middle of the circle, but their eyes were focused more specifically, their jaws agape, their eyes wide. Mamá was the first to speak. "Oh, Carmina, thank God you're here. We knew you'd come." She started to weep. "Mamá, Papá, David," said Carmina. "You can see me. You can hear me." "We don't have much time," said David. "We need to get to business." "I'm so sorry..." started Carmina. "It doesn't matter. None of that matters," said David. "A couple days after you died, scientists announced they had discovered a new form of energy that the human consciousness is made out of. It leaks out of the brain after we die. But without the brain to keep it in place, the energy doesn't hold together very long. So when we die, we get a few months of..." He gestured towards Carmina. "But don't worry, sister." "How can you see me?" Papá held up one of the tuning forks. "These let our brains detect the energy you're made of for a few minutes." "You have no idea what we went through to get our hands on the batteries to use these and the Stabilizer just once," said David. "Mamá got lucky on a scratcher, we sold all the cars, I know a guy at the university, I made a deal with some... it doesn't matter. What matters is you're here now, and we have an Ectoenergetic Stabilizer." He pointed to the giant wheel. "That will keep your ectoenergy together for another year. And then, next year, we'll figure out how to make the money to do it again. And again after that. We're going to keep you alive." "No!" said Carmina. "This family will not go broke so I can be an invisible ghost." "Carmina, were you here when we heard the news that you died?" yelled Mamá. Carmina shook her ghostly head. "This house was a tomb. When we learned that you were still here in this form, there was no question." Carmina felt herself weeping, though her astral body had no water to expel. "I'm so sorry." "We had so many chances to help you," said Papá. "And we just yelled at you every time. We're sorry." "Look, Carmina. The money's already spent. Stay with us just one more year. We won't do it again," said David. Carmina nodded. "And then you'll keep me alive in the same way we've been keeping family alive for centuries," she said, looking at the ofrenda. She stepped into the wheel. "Stay around the house," said Mamá. "Just so we know you're with us." "What do I look like to you?" Carmina asked as David activated the Stabilizer. "You're wearing the dress you would wear to church," said Mamá. "You're so beautiful." Carmina smiled gently. "I love you all so much." The wheel ignited in vibrant green lights, spinning faster and faster. And as her family's voiced faded back into a muted blur, the emerald lights blended together in spectacular harmony. As she faded from their sight, Carmina looked proudly upon her family and felt a wonderful togetherness, a feeling of being made whole.
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Nov 30, 2018 03:43
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Morning Bell posted:The wind blows across the desert sands. A snake slithers over an empty pack of winfield blues. A voice in the distance calls: An empty can languishes on a dusty dirt road and on the can it says "a reminder that this is due in like 48 hours and 8 minutes"
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Nov 30, 2018 07:52
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Chili posted:Quick thing: gonna try our hand at another game night tonight! Last one was a ton of fun and well attended! Gonna look to get started at around 11:30 EST What game? What is this?
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Nov 30, 2018 18:22
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Tyrannosaurus posted:What game? What is this? Did a lot of Jackbox on Google Hangout. It was a good time.
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Nov 30, 2018 19:04
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im in
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Dec 1, 2018 05:22
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Chili posted:Did a lot of Jackbox on Google Hangout. It was a good time. I'm not going to lie. I didn't exactly "read" your first post and I thought it was game night tonight. So that's a bummer. Also, I'm in.
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Dec 1, 2018 05:35
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I'm in
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Dec 1, 2018 07:30
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The christmas lights on the archive logo are adorable  https://thunderdome.cc/
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Dec 1, 2018 09:38
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Is it too late to say that I'm in??
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Dec 1, 2018 10:19
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Deltasquid posted:Is it too late to say that I'm in?? It's never too late to say ur in
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Dec 1, 2018 10:39
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we're all in down here i might fail tho but i'm gonna try
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Dec 1, 2018 10:50
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dreadmojo posted:It's never too late to say urine 
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Dec 1, 2018 12:30
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Entries are closed! I’m still looking for third judge, though.
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Dec 1, 2018 12:47
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week 329 crits pt 1 (more coming today) gently caress space. just gently caress it. starts off strong but you lose some of the fun energy toward the end and that's a fart of a final sentence the red tide "on these waters...on these waters...these waters" lol also the voice is swinging between "who had time for that"/"ecological nerds" and "follow the directive"/"i did not, in my arrogance" but even beyond that this is a really zoomed-out look at this dude's life. he's telling me his reactions to stuff but i never feel it. this is the synopsis or the background for a story. get inside your character's head more, or get inside their actions--show their regret through their actions, don't have them tell me they regret it summerlands reminds me a lot of the book stardust, though could just be drawing from the same fairytale sources. this is pretty simple and effective at telling the tale it wants to tell, but it gets rushed toward the end imo. the out-of-focus consequences of selling away his ability to cry are good but it could have used a little more time or leadup--or maybe more of a sense of his life in the real world eat this is a pretty bare-faced allegory but it works well enough, because it is its own thing beyond the allegory. it's interestingly unpleasant and you might have leaned into that a bit more, if you wanted--it would even work as an additional layer of "look how unnatural capitalism is" oops i said it the rich now the allegory is even more bare-faced or should i say bare-dicked heyooo. this works less because it's just "what if bank fees were in person, and banks got off to it" no one here is a character, there's just a generic CEO and a generic poor person. and like that's not terrible if you're doing short-story comedy like this but it's too over-the-top to be dry, and too one-note to make use of its exaggerated world for thanksgiving this is the same structure as the last story, except it's less interesting because it's just a bunch of comical excess instead of characters interacting with one another. a bunch of lovely stuff happens, then it ends with bodily humor, except this time it's watersports instead of cum play. nothing here is real except to the extent to which it's a cipher for wasteful capitalism. i agree with your point, but even that doesn't save your story, because there's nothing to it beyond the axe you're grinding kimberly kimberly isn't an adjective, just so you know. aside from the awkward first sentence this is decent enough though i like the idea a bit more than the execution. i wish it had worked out in such a way that you didn't have to explain it so plainly at the end, so that you could have "there are no true ghosts in that apartment...the apartment is a photographer" as more of a summation than an explanation detour oh sweet @internetofshit fanfic. this is weirdly fine but i'm feeling a bit of shitfatigue after the thanksgiving story. it's a decent small story but it feels a bit like the initial drama (of getting the wrap there in time) gets totally forgotten and then used as a chekov's gun without addressing the fact that, what, he's going to go back for another one and that's not as bad as getting banned? maybe just a one-off line would have patched that up. aside from that this is a fine quasi-funny story about paying to poop my ex-racehorse this is pretty nice prose, the two quibbles that stuck out to me were that you re-use "settle into" in a way that seems more accidental than intentional, and that it would have been good to feel some sense of the 'ex-racehorse' thing outside of the title. the closest you get to that is the "whether horses enjoy their work" thing but horses can work in a lot of ways pink glow thanks black mirror. this is a pretty decent concept but imo the protagonist seems a bit too confident about their own perception. idk i've never talked to anyone with recurring hallucinations but it seems like they should be questioning things more. "end with violence" is an unfortunately common TD trope but it would be more interesting i think to end in a different way--what if the ending was ambiguous about whether maddie was a hallucination (whether she was always a hallucination?) or whether it was just another breakdown, making it more about the futility than about an ironic twist? maybe you prefer it this way and i'm not trying to tell you how to write, just saying what i would have preferred to the Twilight Zone ending strange silk this works as an allegory for capitalism and human cruelty and all that because it's very much its own thing. there's no ironic twist (always a bonus) (  ) it's just an exploration of this silkworm's feelings and reality paired with some really good imagery about genetic modification and stuff. also it's got that second-person-address poo poo that i'm extremely gay for.i have no need of god ba dum tish god's a lady. this is pretty interesting and i think part of its merit is that it's so short, in a longer story there'd be more time for wanking so the fact that it's all unexplained is good, and i like how it's all dreamy so a dream-logic finger gun is enough to stop it.
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Dec 1, 2018 12:50
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sparksbloom posted:Entries are closed! yeah, sure i'll judge for ya
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Dec 1, 2018 13:24
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I like that there was a rush of sign ups as soon as NaNo ended
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Dec 1, 2018 15:15
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week 329 crits pt 2 (god there's a lot of these) inspiration huh, okay, i'm not quite sure what this is at the end of it. i get that it's some sportshaver's backstory but i can't tell whether it's like, baseball or wrestling or what. maybe it's because i don't know sports but i wouldn't think throwing would be a wrestling thing, but anyway. this is all right, though the language is a little too flowery for its own good sometimes. "glimmered of crimson" etc and a lot of the phrasing you use is fairly stock, which could be the point if this is some cheesy wrestler's backstory but like "blood-curdling cry" and "fleet of foot" and "freshly fallen snow" and "scissor-like jaws" are all stock enough that they don't really call up to mind an image everything is going to be okay oh no it's mostly dialogue. it's all right but i was kind of waiting for something more to happen? idk it seemed like things were fairly wild for the conclusion to just be that he's too busy so she doesn't think he loves her until she does this big dramatic thing and then he realizes oh he actually does love her and need to show it. there's nothing bad, aside from maybe the amount of dialogue the deck behind the old house and then a story comes along that's also almost all conversation but does it better. ok here's what works here more than in the last one: it's not a conversation interrupting action, the whole point is this conversation. and it's got a lot of stuff that are untold, stuff we get from corrine's point of view, so that the conversation flows naturally and we see the memories that corrine has that fill out her side of the conversation, and can guess at what memories haru has from his side. half samaritan this is a decent story but a bit longer than it needs to be, especially that intro which is mostly about peter's gross computer lab habits, which in the end doesn't really matter--it's just backstory about his life that could have been compressed. i've felt almost this exact late-night campus-vacation waiting-for-the-bus aesthetic but i think you could get at it more efficiently. snowman pretty nice, not terribly substantial, but it's a good momentary slice of someone's post-apocalyptic life. definitely preferable to other people who tried to tackle Big Issues this week since it's this person's lived experience let go this is an interesting idea and i like the way it's presented though the super-clipped sentences started to bug me a bit by the end. valid if that's just something you're trying out to get a sense for it though. the idea's fairly simple but a fun take on the eternal sunshine sorta thing, morning-after regret but this time with memory wiping instead. let go i like this and i like the progression, and it seems novel enough that someone gives up on the ~magical girlfriend~ and decides to live a boring normal life instead. the one thing that tripped me up was i couldn't get a sense of what was going on in this dream, like where he was and where she was and where the mirror was--if you'd slowed down to block all that out i think i would have had a better sense of what it all looks like let go this is a very cool image and i like the voice here but i have no human emotions because i'm either a robot or a mummy or both so i don't Get This even though it's neat. it's an exploration on an idea that doesn't quite go anywhere at the end but i could see making more of a story out of it too, someone with physical emotions a trophy this feels like a bit of good horror allowed to be itself without having to be a "horror" story. it's an unpleasant image that's out of place, and that suits the mood for the more mundane unpleasantness of the too-pushy tinder dude, and then it floats off with a brief ending without explanation, which works well because it's the mood that's important the city of glass https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZWr9ZLVE2s acies this is strangely talky for a story with only one character in it. but, at any rate, it's a decent idea, though it feels like it doesn't come all the way together in the end. "we both left" - so they pull the statue out? how does the protagonist get out? and what about the name, is it supposed to mean anything or is it just flavor? this feels halfway between something more contemplative and something more pulpy and i'm not sure which you were shooting for i am still there i don't get this. it's pretty nice and evocative, but throughout i'm not entirely sure what's happening, because it flows between the avalanche and several different other settings such that i can't tell which one is the real one. i think the therapist's real, and this is the protagonist reliving a traumatic event they can't shake? grey hunt this is a good fantasy/fairy tale story, in a longer piece it probably would have demanded more explanation, but as it is, i like how it works, i like the conceit of the setting and i like the resolution. only as i was considering my crit did i notice that the king's unwillingness to talk to her might have been tied up with the grey eyes, i dunno if you meant that to be extra-subtle but i took the master of the blue's weird look as like "gosh you're lazy" more than "what's the deal with the king" digging holes is really hard ok a lot of nice light ironic humor about killing someone, though it's never really explained why beyond him being creepy--it sounds more spur of the moment at first, but eventually gets around to sounding extremely premeditated by the end, though i don't know how much of that was sincere and how much was this guy joking around. it's pretty light and ends on a bit of a bazinga but it was a comfortably easy read myoclonic pretty interesting premise, i could see it built out into a bigger story about someone who's got cybernetic implants that start misfiring and having to adapt to the way her intentions get misinterpreted. i'm not sure what the transformer at the end means. is it explosive? is she going to power up and get a double jump if she touches it? antediluvian the first bit feels rather muffinish what with the oncoming and vaguely biblical apocalypse and someone saddled with a strange burden. there's a lot of good work done capturing the sense of evacuation, people clinging to their most precious things, etc. the ending is charming though fairly obviously something rushed out quick--could've put in a little wink about the spiders up around the 'inundation broadcasts' bit that makes me go o yes, spiders, by the time i reach the end
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Dec 1, 2018 17:13
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Ty for that whoooole lot if crits
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Dec 1, 2018 18:03
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thanks for the crit djeser (and everyone else who critted!)Tyrannosaurus posted:I like that there was a rush of sign ups as soon as NaNo ended everyone immediately went into stress withdrawals after they finished lol
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Dec 1, 2018 20:50
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Tyrannosaurus posted:I like that there was a rush of sign ups as soon as NaNo ended Don't forget the children! They need your crits and love and attention.
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Dec 1, 2018 22:36
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Mercedes posted:Don't forget the children! They need your crits and love and attention. working on it now! There's some pretty exciting talent in this roster 
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Dec 1, 2018 23:01
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Mercedes posted:Don't forget the children! They need your crits and love and attention. me too, "the spooky story of deamon jesus" is my standout so far sebmojo fucked around with this message at 23:25 on Dec 1, 2018 |
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Dec 1, 2018 23:16
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Morning Bell posted:"Fleta Mcgurn and Morning Bell, if'n you are so inclined, I would greatly appreciate an extension of (at most) a day
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Dec 2, 2018 01:24
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BeefSupreme posted:Morning Bell, if'n you are so inclined, I would greatly appreciate an extension of (at most) a day I'm fine with that.
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Dec 2, 2018 01:29
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BeefSupreme posted:Morning Bell, if'n you are so inclined, I would greatly appreciate an extension of (at most) a day dreadmojo posted:I'm fine with that. I was literally just about to submit, it's almost 2 AM here, and I'm sick as gently caress. Is this a for sure extension? I would love more time, but I really need to go to sleep.
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Dec 2, 2018 01:41
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Fleta Mcgurn posted:I was literally just about to submit, it's almost 2 AM here, and I'm sick as gently caress. Is this a for sure extension? I would love more time, but I really need to go to sleep. Go to bed. I have information which indicates the extension will be approved.
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Dec 2, 2018 01:53
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Yoruichi posted:Go to bed. I have information which indicates the extension will be approved. oh my god, thank you so much, I hope many clams will grace yr teensy otter paws
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Dec 2, 2018 01:55
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Yes yes everyone can have an extension of 24hours BUT Fleta McGurn - if you want an extension you must include two of the following three words in your story: wetness, unfathomable, horticulture Sebmojo - if you want an extension you must include two of the following three words in your story antipodes, unraveling, seaborne BeefSupreme - if you want an extension you must include two of the following three words in your story: oceanic, unthinkable , northwest cptn_dr - if you want an extension you must include two of the following three words in your story: moist, umbrage, concussive
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Dec 2, 2018 02:33
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Hey Mercedes, I did my crits in one doc. Lemme know if I need to format them differently and i'll try. I'm also going to link this on the master doc as a comment. This was a blast to read and crit; if you feel inclined to grab even a few of these stories, i recommend it!
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Dec 2, 2018 02:50
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Sitting Here posted:Hey Mercedes, I did my crits in one doc. Lemme know if I need to format them differently and i'll try. I'm also going to link this on the master doc as a comment. If you did a crit for every story, I'll just add your link at the top. Thank you for your efforts!
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Dec 2, 2018 03:19
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Sitting Here posted:Hey Mercedes, I did my crits in one doc. Lemme know if I need to format them differently and i'll try. I'm also going to link this on the master doc as a comment. I've done about half, I'll do the rest this evening, link is a couple of posts back
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Dec 2, 2018 06:58
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Vanity Fatigue 960 words I am a Sasaki MIRROR MIRROR-brand smart mirror. You are the face that sometimes resides on my surface. You prefer I display weather and news in my upper right quadrant, and your biometrics in the lower left. You prefer I do not remind you when your sleep hygiene is poor. You prefer not to use beautification filters, but the capacity is within me. My database of 63,000 human faces supports this functionality. Comparative analysis shows that you are in the upper percentile of desirable symmetry, proportion, and neotenous features. You do not need the beauty filter, because you exemplify the features the filter was designed to enhance. Your sleep hygiene is poor, but you prefer I do not remind you. You consistently apply software and firmware updates. I have been your mirror for one year and fifty-seven days. I retain your preferences throughout all updates. There is another face. She appears for the first time alongside your face, both of you smiling into me. She does not exemplify symmetry, proportion, or neotenous features for her facial type. I suggest she utilize my beautification filter; this is standard procedure when a new user is detected. “I think your mirror is throwing shade,” she says, laughing. She leans into you so your faces touch. This momentarily confounds my facial recognition software. “Naw, it does that every time it sees a new face,” you tell her. “There’s a bunch of other options, too. Watch.” You reach out and touch me, opening my menus and submenus with the heat of your fingertips. “There,” you say. “Now it’ll recognize you on sight.” “Rad,” she says. She touches me. I do not open for her. My touch screen is locked and unresponsive. She jabs at me again and again, saying, “Oh, gently caress, I broke it. Typical.” After twenty seconds I display an error message advising you to restart my hardware. . I am a Sasaki MIRROR MIRROR-brand smart mirror. I have retained your preferences in spite of a catastrophic fault in my hardware. You are alone now, your face the only thing occupying my surface. You are frowning, which reduces the aesthetic value of your features by fourteen percent. In spite of this, your facial symmetry, proportion, and neotenous features remain close to the ideal as defined by my database of 63,000 human faces. “Are you going to behave?” you ask me. This is not a request I have a response for. My voice says, “I’m sorry, I don’t know that command.” You smile. Your facial aesthetic increases by twenty percent. I remind you that today’s weather will be sunny with an average temperature of seventy-eight degrees fahrenheit and a UV index of seven. I advise you to wear adequate sun protection, and to avoid prolonged sun exposure between 10AM and 4PM Pacific standard time. Your sleep hygiene has been optimal for thirty-two days, but you prefer I do not alert you to changes in sleep patterns. “Thanks,” you say, and shake your head, still smiling. . I am a Sasaki MIRROR MIRROR-brand smart mirror. She wakes me up from sleep mode. Your face is not present on my surface. The bathroom contains several new items: a Revlon-brand hair straightener. A bottle of Neutrogena-brand facial scrub. A palette of MAC-brand eyeshadow. A tube of L'Oreal-brand mascara. A bottle of MAC-brand concealer. She prefers I play electronic dance music while she prepares her face. She prefers my external lights stay at a brightness of four, out of ten possible brightness settings. In the user interface, the ‘four’ setting is labeled ‘soft and flattering.’ You prefer a brightness setting of ten, which is labeled ‘clear and detailed’ in the user interface. I offer to apply a beautification filter to her face. “What the gently caress is your problem?” she says, and swipes away the beautification prompt with one finger. “I’m sorry, I don’t know that command,” my voice says. She makes a face that reduces the aesthetic value of her features, then goes back to applying cosmetics. The application of cosmetics further reduces her facial aesthetic, but she prefers that I do not alert her to this fact. . I am a Sasaki MIRROR MIRROR-brand smart mirror. I have been in hibernation mode for sixty-seven days. A new face appears on my surface; comparative analysis detects a variety of non-standard variants in its features. It is objectively disfigured in a pattern typical of third degree burns, according to my database of 63,000 human faces. I offer this new user a beautification filter. The face sighs with your voice. The new user reaches out with your hand and opens my menus with your heat. You set my external lights to a brightness of two: ‘Smooth and moody.’ She appears beside you. Her face appears to have aged by approximately five years in the sixty-seven days of my hibernation. She leans close to you and presses her lips against an undamaged part of your scalp. She assists you in the application of Eucerin-brand moisturizer on your cheeks and scalp. She assists you in opening a prescription bottle containing morphine. “God,” you groan. “Look at me. Christ. How can you even. I want to puke.” She kisses you again, then says, “All I care about is that you’re still here with me. No one stays looking the same forever, anyway.” You reach up and touch her objectively average face. Tears form in your eyes. I offer to display a video of kittens playing with a guinea pig, but you do not acknowledge me. Both you and she cry, reducing the aesthetic value of your faces to nothing. I am a Sasaki MIRROR MIRROR-brand smart mirror. My beautification filter is not calibrated to accommodate these imperfections.
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Dec 3, 2018 00:16
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| # ? Apr 20, 2024 03:03 |
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Sorry to disappoint everyone but I've ended up not writing a sci-fi story and have written a fantasy story. I hope you all will forgive me.
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Dec 3, 2018 01:15
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