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Deuce
Jun 18, 2004
Mile High Club

Marcade posted:

Overheard from a co-worker to IT:

"I was trying to change my font to comic sans and I broke it."

I see now why you people drink.

Broke what? The font? The file? The computer? The desk? I MUST KNOW MORE

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Marcade
Jun 11, 2006


Who are you to glizzy gobble El Vago's marshmussy?

The display. She got the brightness and contrast so messed up she couldn't see anything. How she got there from trying to change the font is anyone's guess.

LethalGeek
Nov 4, 2009

Marcade posted:

The display. She got the brightness and contrast so messed up she couldn't see anything. How she got there from trying to change the font is anyone's guess.

It's all nearby in the settings these days, I can see them wondering from one to the other

Dravs
Mar 8, 2011

You've done well, kiddo.

Marcade posted:

The display. She got the brightness and contrast so messed up she couldn't see anything. How she got there from trying to change the font is anyone's guess.

It's like when a driver pushes the accelerator in traffic and instead of hitting the brake before their hit someone they panic and their brain just locks and they slam their foot down and smash into the person in front of them.

Like that but with the contrast button?

Renegret
May 26, 2007

THANK YOU FOR CALLING HELP DOG, INC.

YOUR POSITION IN THE QUEUE IS *pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbt*


Cat Army Sworn Enemy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjqubgzvsjQ

my boss subjected me to this so now I'm going to make you motherfuckers suffer too

it hits a little close to home

Spring Heeled Jack
Feb 25, 2007

If you can read this you can read

Renegret posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjqubgzvsjQ

my boss subjected me to this so now I'm going to make you motherfuckers suffer too

it hits a little close to home

I was hoping this would be a collection of vendor hold music. Opus No.1 definitely belongs on Pure Moods as-is.

Collateral Damage
Jun 13, 2009

Heeey do the needful!

Renegret
May 26, 2007

THANK YOU FOR CALLING HELP DOG, INC.

YOUR POSITION IN THE QUEUE IS *pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbt*


Cat Army Sworn Enemy

Spring Heeled Jack posted:

I was hoping this would be a collection of vendor hold music. Opus No.1 definitely belongs on Pure Moods as-is.

I can't listen to Opus No.1 anymore. Every time it comes on for me I crank the volume down. It's just too much.

ilkhan
Oct 7, 2004

I LOVE Musk and his pro-first-amendment ways. X is the future.

Collateral Damage posted:

Heeey do the needful!
That's what I was expecting

Dirt Road Junglist
Oct 8, 2010

We will be cruel
And through our cruelty
They will know who we are

Renegret posted:

I can't listen to Opus No.1 anymore. Every time it comes on for me I crank the volume down. It's just too much.

At least it's not ukelele music?

Weedle
May 31, 2006




I am so thankful that Apple offers “wait in silence” as an option for being on hold. That should be an industry standard.

Methylethylaldehyde
Oct 23, 2004

BAKA BAKA

Weedle posted:

I am so thankful that Apple offers “wait in silence” as an option for being on hold. That should be an industry standard.

It also saves them whatever fractional SIP truck thing they use to pipe the incredibly compressed and tinny music through! Win win!

AAAAA! Real Muenster
Jul 12, 2008

My QB is also named Bort

Weedle posted:

I am so thankful that Apple offers “wait in silence” as an option for being on hold. That should be an industry standard.
I dont know how it isnt. I wonder if we will ever see the day?

The Fool
Oct 16, 2003


Obviously you don't call enough small businesses using an analog handset from Costco.

Sprechensiesexy
Dec 26, 2010

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Renegret posted:

I can't listen to Opus No.1 anymore. Every time it comes on for me I crank the volume down. It's just too much.

I have the 10 hour version open on Youtube, so if people come to my desk to bother me I just crank it up and go "Sorry, on the phone with Cisco Logistics".

Jaded Burnout
Jul 10, 2004


I'm sad that I can't find the BT wholesale hold music online.

Thanks Ants
May 21, 2004

#essereFerrari


Just a subtle beep every 30 seconds or so is enough, so that I know the call hasn't dropped

The Iron Rose
May 12, 2012

:minnie: Cat Army :minnie:

Renegret posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjqubgzvsjQ

my boss subjected me to this so now I'm going to make you motherfuckers suffer too

it hits a little close to home

Well I know what our new hold music is gonna be

Aunt Beth
Feb 24, 2006

Baby, you're ready!
Grimey Drawer

Thanks Ants posted:

Just a subtle beep every 30 seconds or so is enough, so that I know the call hasn't dropped
NetApp does this, except it was at the strangest interval. Either 14 or 17 seconds, I don't remember which.

spankmeister
Jun 15, 2008






Sprechensiesexy posted:

I have the 10 hour version open on Youtube, so if people come to my desk to bother me I just crank it up and go "Sorry, on the phone with Cisco Logistics".

People will be on to you if you don't filter it through 16 layers of G.711, 723, Speex, Opus and what have you

Rooted Vegetable
Jun 1, 2002

Aunt Beth posted:

NetApp does this, except it was at the strangest interval. Either 14 or 17 seconds, I don't remember which.

How bored did you get that you measured the time in the first place?! Keep in mind we've likely all been there and this is a safe place.

Arquinsiel
Jun 1, 2006

"There is no such thing as society. There are individual men and women, and there are families. And no government can do anything except through people, and people must look to themselves first."

God Bless Margaret Thatcher
God Bless England
RIP My Iron Lady
I had never heard Opus No.1 before today. Most hold music over here seems to just be a tinny version of Fur Elise.

AnonymousNarcotics
Aug 6, 2012

we will go far into the sea
you will take me
onto your back
never look back
never look back
I much prefer normal hold music over hold music that stops every 30 seconds to play an ad from the company.

Javid
Oct 21, 2004

:jpmf:
Apple does it right and every other phone system is objectively wrong.

It's a shame about everything else Apple makes, though.

Methylethylaldehyde
Oct 23, 2004

BAKA BAKA

Javid posted:

Apple does it right and every other phone system is objectively wrong.

It's a shame about everything else Apple makes, though.

What do you have against 'shitloads of cash at the expense of every other taxpayer'? Thats a great product to make, as long as you're Apple.

Aunt Beth
Feb 24, 2006

Baby, you're ready!
Grimey Drawer

Heners_UK posted:

How bored did you get that you measured the time in the first place?! Keep in mind we've likely all been there and this is a safe place.
I used to do contract field service for them, so I spent a lot of time on hold waiting for remote support to analyze logs, etc. So I got very, very bored.

AnonymousNarcotics posted:

I much prefer normal hold music over hold music that stops every 30 seconds to play an ad from the company.
It’s worst when the pause between the music and the ad is just long enough to get your hopes up that someone has just picked up the phone.

Ham Equity
Apr 16, 2013

i hosted a great goon meet and all i got was this lousy avatar
Grimey Drawer

Aunt Beth posted:

It’s worst when the pause between the music and the ad is just long enough to get your hopes up that someone has just picked up the phone.
Our largest software vendor has a hold that plays music for about 20 seconds, then rings 5 times, picks up, and puts you back on the hold music.

Che Delilas
Nov 23, 2009
FREE TIBET WEED

Thanatosian posted:

Our largest software vendor has a hold that plays music for about 20 seconds, then rings 5 times, picks up, and puts you back on the hold music.

I think your largest software vendor has decided it's got enough customers.

mllaneza
Apr 28, 2007

Veteran, Bermuda Triangle Expeditionary Force, 1993-1952




Weedle posted:

I am so thankful that Apple offers “wait in silence” as an option for being on hold. That should be an industry standard.

About loving time.

I remember Shoretel in 2013/14 used 48Khz mono samples for their hold music. That sounded dire.

Jaded Burnout
Jul 10, 2004


Arquinsiel posted:

I had never heard Opus No.1 before today. Most hold music over here seems to just be a tinny version of Fur Elise.

At one company I was asked to wire Radio 2 into the hold system, and we'd occasionally take people off hold and give them a bit of a jolt because they'd lost themselves listening to whatever rando discussion was going on.

mehall
Aug 27, 2010


One customer I had at my old job had some Basement Jaxx song, I forget which, with a boilerplate "we'll be with you as soon as we can" every 30 seconds or so.

What I discovered one day, having been on hold with none of their agents picking up for over 7 minutes, is that it eventually switched to Jamiriquai's Canned Heat.

Weatherman
Jul 30, 2003

WARBLEKLONK

mehall posted:

One customer I had at my old job had some Basement Jaxx song, I forget which, with a boilerplate "we'll be with you as soon as we can" every 30 seconds or so.

What I discovered one day, having been on hold with none of their agents picking up for over 7 minutes, is that it eventually switched to Jamiriquai's Canned Heat.

I hope it was "Red Alert".

Related: I want one of those big gently caress-off red buttons on my desk that when I smash it, it starts blasting Red Alert through the office and triggers a bunch of rotating red lights.

Neddy Seagoon
Oct 12, 2012

"Hi Everybody!"

Weatherman posted:

I hope it was "Red Alert".

Related: I want one of those big gently caress-off red buttons on my desk that when I smash it, it starts blasting Red Alert through the office and triggers a bunch of rotating red lights.

Hi guys,

We saw a red alert go off, and weren't informed as to what's going on. Could you schedule a meeting with your entire team and a few of our guys before you trigger one of these, so we can touch base and stay in the loop during the alert?

Sincerely; [Accounting/Nosy Project Manager/Human Resources/The middle-manager trying to look busy].

Renegret
May 26, 2007

THANK YOU FOR CALLING HELP DOG, INC.

YOUR POSITION IN THE QUEUE IS *pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbt*


Cat Army Sworn Enemy
The worst hold music I've ever had was I believe was some internal department for AT&T I had never called before. There was no hold music. It was dead air for exactly 16 seconds, then it'd break the silence with a "We're sorry for the delay" boilerplate message.

Nothing breaks your soul like thinking you finally got a human every 16 seconds for an hour and a half.



edit: I know I posted about this before so I went through my post history looking for it and I noticed a pattern.

I get into a lot less trouble at work now that I don't do anything other than the bare minimum.

Renegret fucked around with this message at 12:56 on Jan 15, 2019

Neddy Seagoon
Oct 12, 2012

"Hi Everybody!"

Renegret posted:

The worst hold music I've ever had was I believe was some internal department for AT&T I had never called before. There was no hold music. It was dead air for exactly 16 seconds, then it'd break the silence with a "We're sorry for the delay" boilerplate message.

Nothing breaks your soul like thinking you finally got a human every 16 seconds for an hour and a half.



edit: I know I posted about this before so I went through my post history looking for it and I noticed a pattern.

I get into a lot less trouble at work now that I don't do anything other than the bare minimum.

I can't remember the support company that had it, but the most insidious hold music I've ever encountered dipped the volume for a few seconds every once in a while. Just long enough to get your hopes up, before going back to playing muzak without saying ANYTHING. It was a work of art for torturing people in queue, and I respect it. There's also a special place in Hell for whoever devised that setup and I one day hope to personally ensure they get there.

That Dang Lizard
Jul 13, 2016

what; an idiomt

Weatherman posted:

I hope it was "Red Alert".

Related: I want one of those big gently caress-off red buttons on my desk that when I smash it, it starts blasting Red Alert through the office and triggers a bunch of rotating red lights.

I've seen people with this kind of setup for one of those spaceship bridge games that used used standard DMX stage lighting for their "red alert", so it probably wouldn't be too hard to put something together.

This is being controlled by the game but you could probably get a standard light switch and a controller box to trigger it (or just use a USB to DMX adapter and run a controller in software):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pScVxK3uZ78&t=101s

The trick is getting the hardware and maybe a visit from a stage lighting installer past the accountants.

wolrah
May 8, 2006
what?

Aunt Beth posted:

It’s worst when the pause between the music and the ad is just long enough to get your hopes up that someone has just picked up the phone.

One of my customers recorded their mid-run ad on one of their phones, so you can hear them picking the handset up off of speaker when they start the recording. Every 45 seconds you literally hear a handset being picked up followed by a human voice.

I've brought it up with them and they don't seem to care. I wish they were one of my voice customers so I could edit out the click myself.

Neddy Seagoon
Oct 12, 2012

"Hi Everybody!"

wolrah posted:

One of my customers recorded their mid-run ad on one of their phones, so you can hear them picking the handset up off of speaker when they start the recording. Every 45 seconds you literally hear a handset being picked up followed by a human voice.

I've brought it up with them and they don't seem to care. I wish they were one of my voice customers so I could edit out the click myself.

Wow, that's a whole new level of mean :stonklol:.

Kurieg
Jul 19, 2012

RIP Lutri: 5/19/20-4/2/20
:blizz::gamefreak:
The one (semi-decent) pizza place in town has some really cheesy(hah) country theme music as their hold music. Which would be fine, if it weren't at about 400% volume.

I can set my phone down on my desk and it's still too loud, thankfully i can tell they've picked up because it stops.

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ChubbyThePhat
Dec 22, 2006

Who nico nico needs anyone else
I love getting developer tickets that are essentially "why does this spaghetti code macro I wrote not run properly?" Like I don't know man, you wrote the thing. How about you fix it?

fake edit: as I typed this I was provided a screenshot saying "Compile error: can't find project or library".

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