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I will also accept Consuls and the original kings but i don't have to fuckin like it. Anyway here are three of my favorite: Aulus Vitellius Germanicus Augustus (24 September 15 – 22 December 69 AD) He was a fat loving piece of poo poo. But he invented sunglasses so he could shove food into his gaping maw while looking at the beautiful roman sunset. Somehow some idiot named Galba put him charge of a bunch of troops in Africa. He mostly just drank but one night he snuck up on some carthaginians and stuffed one up his rear end and spun around until the dude went flying into the desert and was never found which is why they made him emperor. Anyway he was incompetent and spent all of Rome's money on his food budget and eventually they pushed him down some stairs and his last words were, "bury me with all the sunglasses I made them they are mine." Marcus Aurelius Probus Augustus (19 August 232 – October 282) Probus was a smug rear end in a top hat who had a weird long horse face. He was pretty good at fighting and they made him emperor because the Goths really liked him because he would wear that Joy Division shirt with the wavy lines. He loved that shirt but he lost it in a marsh. So up until that point he was doing pretty well but he started getting mad that the troops were just standing around with their dick in their hands all day and not killing people.The troops started to hate him because he had them drain every drat marsh in Gaul looking for that shirt because he couldn't remember which marsh he lost his shirt in. They got tired of looking for it so they killed him. His last words were, "ow hey what the gently caress." Marcus Didius Severus Julianus Augustus (30 January 133 – 1 June 193) Didius your wife, woof. He won the roman emperorship at auction after the praetorian guard killed the old emperor and didn't have any better ideas. Didius famously had five nipples, and he would go around rubbing them and asking his underlings to milk him and when they got nervous he would slap them on the back and say, " haha you're alright." He was only emperor for nine weeks but boy did he gently caress poo poo up. He devalued roman currency pretty bad and kept telling the Praetorian Guard that the check from earlier was in the mail but it was not. Dudius was broke. So they killed him. His last words were, "Alas, I will never live to take advantage of Little Caesars Hot-N-Ready Pizzas for five dollars, furthermo." Here's a list of roman emperors. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Roman_emperors
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# ? Feb 5, 2019 22:51 |
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# ? Jun 1, 2024 09:25 |
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My favorite is Shittius Threadus. (USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
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# ? Feb 5, 2019 22:52 |
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Also, would gently caress that coin silly.
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# ? Feb 5, 2019 22:54 |
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Vespasian.
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# ? Feb 5, 2019 22:57 |
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Literally A Person posted:My favorite is Shittius Threadus. i did this for u how could u do this to me
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# ? Feb 5, 2019 23:01 |
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Claudius.
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# ? Feb 5, 2019 23:01 |
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Commodus' hands on approach to healthcare makes him stand out.quote:Citizens of Rome missing their feet through accident or illness were taken to the arena, where they were tethered together for Commodus to club to death while pretending they were giants.Privately, it was his custom to slay his practice opponents. For each appearance in the arena, he charged the city of Rome a million sesterces, straining the Roman economy. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Commodus
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# ? Feb 5, 2019 23:02 |
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Trajan Look at this Moe rear end lookin' motha' fucker.
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# ? Feb 5, 2019 23:03 |
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timick posted:Commodus' hands on approach to healthcare makes him stand out. This is where Obamacare got the death panels from.
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# ? Feb 5, 2019 23:05 |
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The Mark of Caesar protects you.
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# ? Feb 5, 2019 23:09 |
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nero
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# ? Feb 5, 2019 23:11 |
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Nero, the Charlie Daniels of Rome
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# ? Feb 5, 2019 23:11 |
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numberoneposter posted:The Mark of Caesar protects you. What does a dog spiritualist have to do with anything?
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# ? Feb 5, 2019 23:11 |
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which one is an anime girl with her butt hanging out? because it's not that one.
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# ? Feb 5, 2019 23:12 |
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gimme the GOD drat candy posted:which one is an anime girl with her butt hanging out? because it's not that one. Elagabalus
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# ? Feb 5, 2019 23:15 |
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Gaius Julius Caesar (pronounced Gayus Jewlies Kaiser) World famous for not having a forehead, he was the first to invent the idea of being emperor of Rome but accidentally declared himself secretary general instead. Which in those days was just a general secretary. He got real tired of having to take notes of all the Senate hearings and is said to have mentioned to his friend Crassus Combustus: "I need this drat Senate session like I need 23 holes in my torso" Later that day he died in a car crash from racing through a tunnel trying to outrun paparazzi on motorcycles. His last words were "[redacted] [redacted] you [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] motherfucker".
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# ? Feb 5, 2019 23:16 |
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Mooey Cow posted:Gaius Julius Caesar (pronounced Gayus Jewlies Kaiser)
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# ? Feb 5, 2019 23:18 |
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Constantine
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# ? Feb 5, 2019 23:20 |
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Ill also accept Eastern Roman/Byzantine emperors or even Mehmed II if you want
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# ? Feb 5, 2019 23:22 |
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General Dog posted:Constantine Another Constantine.
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# ? Feb 5, 2019 23:22 |
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I will not however accept any leaders of the Principality of Theodoro so don't even loving ask
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# ? Feb 5, 2019 23:25 |
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# ? Feb 5, 2019 23:28 |
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Consul Cinncinnatus, for inventing Skyline Chili
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# ? Feb 5, 2019 23:31 |
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Augustus because maybe Julius started poo poo but he made it stick
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# ? Feb 5, 2019 23:32 |
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HugeGrossBurrito posted:Ill also accept Eastern Roman/Byzantine emperors or even Mehmed II if you want gently caress it Mehmed the Great
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# ? Feb 5, 2019 23:32 |
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Lyndon Baines Vespasian was my favorite. He used to lecture the Senate while seated on the crapper, but liked togas because they gave plenty of room "down where my nuts hang."
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# ? Feb 5, 2019 23:35 |
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I'm a huge fan of Biggus Dickus
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# ? Feb 5, 2019 23:37 |
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SimonCat posted:Lyndon Baines Vespasian was my favorite. He used to lecture the Senate while seated on the crapper, but liked togas because they gave plenty of room "down where my nuts hang." lol, last words?
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# ? Feb 5, 2019 23:37 |
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definitely Nero
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# ? Feb 5, 2019 23:38 |
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HugeGrossBurrito posted:Elagabalus
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# ? Feb 5, 2019 23:40 |
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all my roman history comes from Gladiator so I'm going to go with Commodus, he had some pretty sweet looking armor anyway. The part about wanting to gently caress his sister was a little weird though.
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# ? Feb 5, 2019 23:41 |
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please tell the class what you know about Elagabalus or as his friends called him "The gobbler"
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# ? Feb 5, 2019 23:42 |
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I would have sent my soldier to look for my lost Joy Division shirt too.
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# ? Feb 5, 2019 23:43 |
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HugeGrossBurrito posted:I will also accept Consuls and the original kings but i don't have to fuckin like it. Is this viral marketing for that new paradox game?!?!?!??!
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# ? Feb 5, 2019 23:44 |
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UltraRed posted:Is this viral marketing for that new paradox game?!?!?!??! i could have gotten paid for this poo poo now you loving tell me
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# ? Feb 5, 2019 23:45 |
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Claudius was the real goon emperor, couldn't talk, bad at sports, obsessed with administrative minutia, wife cheated on him. RIP my man
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# ? Feb 5, 2019 23:50 |
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whichever one supposedly ordered saint valentine's head to be chopped off.
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# ? Feb 6, 2019 01:05 |
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HugeGrossBurrito posted:I will also accept Consuls and the original kings but i don't have to fuckin like it. caesar He kicked the poo poo out of everyone
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# ? Feb 6, 2019 01:09 |
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Alucard posted:I'm a huge fan of Biggus Dickus He had a wife, you know...
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# ? Feb 6, 2019 01:11 |
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# ? Jun 1, 2024 09:25 |
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Honky Dong Country posted:He had a wife, you know... yeah pretty sure she died before he crossed the rubicon
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# ? Feb 6, 2019 01:13 |