sneakyfrog posted:

try to enjoy killing yourself with the first object you try to interact with!

RagnarokAngel posted:

SS13 is what happens when years of code (that was started by someone else) continues to build into a cronenberg monster.

Siljmonster posted:

Don't call the Something Awful Forums "SS13"

My Lovely Horse posted:

I vaguely remember a story about a sandwich that contained the entire codebase? It wasn't that but a similar idea, I think.

Angry Diplomat posted:

The Crashwich

Another good example is The Crashwich.

Fractal cooking is a time-honoured tradition of SS13 Chefs. You take six food items (almost anything can be deep-fried to turn it into food), make them into a sandwich, use the sandwich to create a sandwich cake (any food can be made into a cake), slice up the cake, use six cake slices to make a sandwich, etc etc etc. This can create unholy monstrosities that lag the poo poo out of everything merely by virtue of existing, sometimes to the point of causing people to crash out as soon as the game tries to display the thing's exponential name. You will note that the Jay Wolff's buttcake I baked there cuts off after a while - its name was so drat big it overflowed the chat buffer. The buttcake is nothing. It and food like it are pitiful hors d'oeuvres compared to THE CRASHWICH.

You see, there's another life-creating mad scientist chemistry recipe in Space Station 13. It's extremely hard to discover and make, but it has the effect of imbuing any object it touches with life. This creates, for instance, a Living Crowbar that floats around and attacks people. At some point a Chef got the brilliant (terrible) idea to combine the living object recipe with fractal cooking.

Enter The Crashwich. Every time this haunted apocalypse of culinary hubris attacked someone, the game reported its name multiple times. When it charged, when it slammed into someone, and every time it hit them, the chat buffer would once again overflow with infinite recursive fractal sandwich. The entire station was brought to its knees by crippling lag, while anyone unfortunate enough to be present for The Crashwich's rampage would immediately crash out and have to reconnect their client, usually to find themselves dead and/or immediately crash out again because The Crashwich was still wreaking havoc.

The admins rushed to intervene, but were alarmed to find that The Crashwich was creating so much lag that most admins who looked at it were reliably crashing. Those with good enough connections to brute-force through all the lag were shocked to discover that the sheer latency generated by the demon sandwich was causing their admin commands to get lost somewhere in the coding nightmare that is Byond. The admins were trying to delete The Crashwich and failing. Ultimately, their efforts were in vain, and the server went down completely. The admins fought The Crashwich and The Crashwich won.

The admins were apparently so impressed that they collectively decided not to ban the responsible party, but instead to deliver a friendly ultimatum: they would not be punished for causing the server to go down in flames, as long as they never created another Crashwich. NEVER AGAIN

Riatsala posted:

I always placed the threshold of basic SS13 competency at successfully smoking a cigarette without harming yourself or others

My favorite iteration of the game, though, is colonial marines, because even when everyone has the best intentions the proliferation of new players, dangerous equipment, and labyrinthian control schemes makes every single operation fall apart in a orgy of slapstick violence followed by gruesome actual violence. Panicked friendly fire, misused explosives, tank hit and runs, and hilariously doomed last stands are all par for course.

CzarChasm posted:

And then the story teller takes these actions and adds flavor text. It's like hearing someone talk about their D&D campaign. If you were to just transcribe the mechanics of what happened it would be a bunch of numbers going back and forth. But when you put it in the hands of someone who can paint a scene with words, it's a much richer experience.

Tiggum posted:

Just for anyone looking to generate random names, Behind the Name is a website about the origin and popularity of names that has a random name generator that I like a lot.

Rollersnake posted:

Ariong posted:

Tired: It’s Raining Men
Wired: Donnghaile

Kitfox88 posted:

There's been an offshoot of CM called Mercdonalds that goes up for testing every weekend for a few hours and it's just CM ramped up to absolute idiocy levels. The first indicator being that, yes, you are McDonalds mercenaries trying to clear out the xenos. It also has pilotable dropships, as in you pilot them around in the sky and dudes can jump out and parachute down like it's loving Market Garden with similar success rates and if you forget your parachute you just explode into gibs on impact. Also xeno evolution has a sickass set of detailed branching trees. There's a 'News of the Day' thing at the end of each round using actual photos with commentary taken by the people who play reporters too. It's wonderfully stupid and over the top in a way I enjoy immensely.

If you can't handle random idiot humor though it'll grate you into apocalyptic fury about 5 seconds after you spawn in, though.

Neddy Seagoon posted:

When the atmospheric injectors got re-added a few years back, I had an amazing run with a can of CO2 pumped into Medbay. People just couldn't figure out why everyone was falling over dead for no reason (I remember one guy saying something like "WHAT THE gently caress DISEASE CAUSED ME TO COUGH AND FALL OVER DEAD?!!"), and I will forever cherish watching a Doctor with a breath mask and airtank desperately trying to revive his friend, only to realize he had to take off his breath mask to give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation...

quote:

Also the key to a good Janitor is to place down the placard signs (Caution: Wet Floor) and *point *sigh at them any time someone slips on your nice wet floor.

Biplane posted:

SS13 is exactly like dwarf fortress in that you absolutely have to be at least slightly on the spectrum to get anything out of it. https://youtu.be/nLAHBexJxrE this is a good review of it

Slippery posted:

I mean you know where you're posting right ( )

Biplane posted:

Hey I value my shitposting career here at the club penguin world forums

Biplane posted:

SS13 is exactly like dwarf fortress in that you absolutely have to be at least slightly on the spectrum to get anything out of it. https://youtu.be/nLAHBexJxrE this is a good review of it

Bertrand Hustle posted:

better than a bunch of goons waggling their balls at each other which is what it is now

RCarr posted:

As someone who knows nothing about the game they all come off as extremely made up.

sneakyfrog posted:

they were getting laid though

now we seem to argue about food and frequent flyer miles programs

sneakyfrog posted:

they were getting laid though

now we seem to argue about food and frequent flyer miles programs

sneakyfrog posted:

i try to post seriously about food and frequent flyer miles programs.

Biplane posted:

did u know u can eat food on planes

Biplane posted:

did u know u can eat food on planes

Screaming Idiot posted:

This phrase travels back in time and imprints itself in the head of a young Jewish comedian. He sits up, brow bathed in cold sweat, mouth dry, penis fully erect.

His life now has purpose.

Biplane posted:

what have i done

what have i done

Absurd Alhazred posted:

You mean "what have I willed to have been done"

Elissimpark posted:

Whatingstly willen having I donest've?