PYF AUG: you don't get to see her chew the MLP figurine.

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gey muckle mowser: Aug 5, 2003; Do you know anything about...
witches?; Buglord

Tubgoat posted:

No no, as a prostitution/drug/etc front.

And I am reasonably sure their local Craigslist has a free table for pickup somewhere within a 20-minute drive of them.

I'd trade a crappy table for a couple burritos, as long as I didn't know they were floor burritos

# ? Jun 28, 2019 21:20

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# ? Apr 18, 2024 12:26

TotalLossBrain: Oct 20, 2010; Hier graben!

I like to treat every burrito as if it were a floor burrito.

# ? Jun 28, 2019 21:45

T-man: Aug 22, 2010; Talk shit, get bzzzt.

capitalism is the real AUG

# ? Jun 29, 2019 06:02

BrigadierSensible: Feb 16, 2012; I've got a pocket full of cheese🧀, and a garden full of trees🌴.

$15 is too much for a floor burrito
$15 is too little for a craiglist sex ad. (Maybe, I dunno what services "floor burrito" is code for.)

So either way it is a bad business model.

# ? Jun 29, 2019 09:49

Tubgoat: Jun 30, 2013; by sebmojo

BrigadierSensible posted:

$15 is too much for a floor burrito
$15 is too little for a craiglist sex ad. (Maybe, I dunno what services "floor burrito" is code for.)

So either way it is a bad business model.

"So I gives her the ol' floor burrito, if ya know what I mean!"
It definitely works as a name for a sex act.

# ? Jun 29, 2019 12:00

pop fly to McGillicutty: Feb 2, 2004; A peckish little mouse!

Scathach posted:

The laws are trash too. Like "you are saving your life but you broke a law so I'm arresting you even though I don't have to instead of protecting you from abuse and murder which I could easily do within the law. The law allows me to do the wrong thing because I feel like it. Also if you weren't white I'd murder you and if someone investigated I'd probably get a paid vacation."

Trash cops, trash law, trash establishment.

How about that lady in Alabama who got shot while she was pregnant and lost the baby? The person who shot the gun gets no jail time but the victim, a pregnant woman, goes to prison because the baby died. America is a third world country.

# ? Jun 29, 2019 12:55

venus de lmao: Apr 30, 2007; Call me "pixeltits"

pop fly to McGillicutty posted:

How about that lady in Alabama who got shot while she was pregnant and lost the baby? The person who shot the gun gets no jail time but the victim, a pregnant woman, goes to prison because the baby died. America is a third world country.

The "victim" started the fight knowing full well she was pregnant. It's still loving stupid because Alabama is a backwards toilet state, but this is not a case of "innocent woman gets shot and arrested for getting shot because America is hell". Even with all of that, the DA is considering not even prosecuting her.

# ? Jun 29, 2019 13:07

Strategic Tea: Sep 1, 2012

Excuse me we don't do news, we do emotive reporting of half the facts so you can get angry at your choice of the OUTRAGEOUS libs or the BABY EATING conservatives

# ? Jun 29, 2019 13:13

venus de lmao: Apr 30, 2007; Call me "pixeltits"

Here's something awkward: Amazon Prime Video has The Virgin Suicides categorized as a loving comedy.

# ? Jun 29, 2019 13:33

Barry Bluejeans: Feb 2, 2017; ATTENTHUN THITIZENTH

Strategic Tea posted:

Excuse me we don't do news, we do emotive reporting of half the facts so you can get angry at your choice of the OUTRAGEOUS libs or the BABY EATING conservatives

yeah dude, the story wasn't nearly as bad as people were making it sound. heck, the da might not even prosecute her for being shot

# ? Jun 29, 2019 14:41

Heath: Apr 30, 2008; 🍂🎃🏞️💦

Bertrand Hustle posted:

Here's something awkward: Amazon Prime Video has The Virgin Suicides categorized as a loving comedy.

That incel shooter's only been dead a week and they already made a show about him?

# ? Jun 29, 2019 14:58

Dick Burglar: Mar 6, 2006

BrigadierSensible posted:

$15 is too much for a floor burrito
$15 is too little for a craiglist sex ad. (Maybe, I dunno what services "floor burrito" is code for.)

So either way it is a bad business model.

Could be lovely drugs. I could believe $15 for some garbage-quality black tar heroin or crack. Walk out with a burrito so you have plausible deniability about what you bought at the crack house.

Heath posted:

That incel shooter's only been dead a week

Which one? It's hard to keep track of all of them these days.

I know it was the Dallas idiot.

# ? Jun 29, 2019 16:16

Alien Sex Manual: Dec 14, 2010; is not a sandwich

Barry Bluejeans posted:

yeah dude, the story wasn't nearly as bad as people were making it sound. heck, the da might not even prosecute her for being shot

Sorry but the fact that a woman COULD get prosecuted for endangering a goddamn fetus is absolutely as bad as it sounds.

# ? Jun 29, 2019 19:04

venus de lmao: Apr 30, 2007; Call me "pixeltits"

Heath posted:

That incel shooter's only been dead a week and they already made a show about him?

Obviously you're joking but have you really never heard of The Virgin Suicides? Super depressing movie from 1999 based on a super depressing book from 1993.

# ? Jun 29, 2019 19:05

Heath: Apr 30, 2008; 🍂🎃🏞️💦

Bertrand Hustle posted:

Obviously you're joking but have you really never heard of The Virgin Suicides? Super depressing movie from 1999 based on a super depressing book from 1993.

# ? Jun 29, 2019 20:00

immortalyawn: May 28, 2013; by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

*Looks up from map* Hmm, I'm lost...

*reads the last few posts* Nope, definitley AUG territory

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Jun 29, 2019 20:39

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

TIFU by loving myself with a stick full of maggots.

quote:

NSFL? If you're eating something then I'd suggest not reading this.

You ever seen those stories on the reddit museum of filth? Like, the crusty cum shoebox or the Rainbow Dash figure that was boiled in a jar of cum, and realised 'Why is there no female version of this?'. Well, sit down because I'm about to tell you the story of how I inadvertently hosed myself... with a stick full of maggots.

So, I have this pool diving stick that I use to gently caress myself. I live with my parents so I can't really get an actual toy. Now, this pool toy has two holes on the 'shaft' to allow water to fill in and out of it so it can sink to the bottom of the pool. This also allows it to fill with my girl juices when I use it. The problem? The fluid gets stuck in there since it's relatively more viscous than water. So I've had this thing for about 6 months. I try my best to clean it out by running it under the tap and rinsing it out every couple of weeks but I can never really get the solidly dry stuff. This, combined with the fact that I always just sort of shoved it down the side of my bed, or stuffed it in my bedside cabinet once I was done with it made for a pretty nasty smell. It wasn't usually that obvious unless you got close, but earlier today, once I had finished loving myself, I put it in my drawer and sat up in my bed. I noticed that not only did it smelled significantly worse than usual, maybe due to the summer heat, but also 'down there' also felt like it was on fire. Not enough to be painful, but enough for me to notice it.

Here's where the interesting part starts. I decide. 'Hey, It's currently 4AM, everyone is asleep, I can go and cut this thing open.' Sort of like a hosed up episode of 'What's Inside'. So I reach into my drawer, grab my phone and make my way downstairs into the kitchen where I clear out the sink and put this thing down in it. I use a pocket knife to start cutting it open, starting from one of the holes on the side. I'm scared to open it, but I understand that I must, and I put down the pocket knife and gently tease apart the two sides of the incision I made.

I. Am. HORRIFIED. Dozens of little maggots squirming around inside. I started gagging, until the realisation set in. 'I just stuck this thing inside of me. I may have maggots crawling around inside of my vagina right now.' The fact that they were maggots... doesn't that mean they had been there for a while? How long does it take fly eggs to hatch? In my state of panic, I snapped a quick photo (already knew that I was going to post that thing on 4chan), and rinsed out the entire thing with water, before cutting it into another 3 pieces and thoroughly rinsing them out with bleach and double wrapping them in a plastic bag and throwing it in the bin. I return to my room, disgusted, and make a 4chan post. I didn't know what to do after that, except wait for my family to wake up so I could have a shower without worrying about disturbing them. I have my shower and take a nap. That's the end.

TL;DR - My home-made sex toy got infected with maggots without me realising, ended up loving myself with it before I found out.

Edit: Funny, I actually remember reading about the Coconut story a couple of months ago.

Edit 2: Deleted the link to the picture, the link is in my bio.

# ? Jun 29, 2019 21:59

Dienes: Nov 4, 2009; dee
doot doot dee
doot doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot; College Slice

chitoryu12 posted:

TIFU by loving myself with a stick full of maggots.

Here is the aforementioned link to the picture of the stick (work safe but probably not mind safe): https://m.imgur.com/a/QbAsRBM

# ? Jun 29, 2019 22:31

Crab Dad: Dec 28, 2002; behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB

drat girl must have leaked like a faucet.

# ? Jun 29, 2019 22:53

TinTower: Apr 21, 2010; You don't have to 8e a good person to 8e a hero.

https://twitter.com/onanarchism/status/1144772162869440513?s=21

Pictures you can smell.

# ? Jun 30, 2019 09:48

BiggerBoat: Sep 26, 2007; Don't you tell me my business again.

TinTower posted:

Pictures you can smell.

Good idea for a thread

# ? Jun 30, 2019 13:12

Paladinus: Jan 11, 2014; heyHEYYYY!!!

TinTower posted:

https://twitter.com/onanarchism/status/1144772162869440513?s=21

Pictures you can smell.

There was another goon camp???

# ? Jun 30, 2019 14:26

Dagen H: Mar 19, 2009; Hogertrafikomlaggningen

Paladinus posted:

There was another goon camp???

No, it was a Kentucky reddit meetup

# ? Jun 30, 2019 14:41

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

TinTower posted:

Pictures you can smell.

# ? Jun 30, 2019 14:44

The Bloop: Jul 5, 2004; by Fluffdaddy

Solice Kirsk posted:

Have a sniff

# ? Jun 30, 2019 15:08

Tubgoat: Jun 30, 2013; by sebmojo

The social equivalent of spending your unexpected bonus on a car wreck; thinking you're gonna produce a hilarious slappy fart but you accidentally shart your mate's couch instead.

# ? Jun 30, 2019 15:13

Bobby Digital: Sep 4, 2009

Dagen H posted:

No, it was a Kentucky reddit meetup

Fupa like Homer�s mouth, goddamn

# ? Jun 30, 2019 17:39

Hihohe: Oct 4, 2008; Fuck you and the sun you live under

Thats a cool dog though

# ? Jun 30, 2019 17:43

T-man: Aug 22, 2010; Talk shit, get bzzzt.

Bobby Digital posted:

Fupa like Homer�s mouth, goddamn

Big Fupa Energy

# ? Jun 30, 2019 19:10

BiggerBoat: Sep 26, 2007; Don't you tell me my business again.

Man, I don't know if I'm just noticing it more these days but lately I've been utterly astonished at just how loving fat so many people are. It's almost gotten to be normal

# ? Jun 30, 2019 19:50

Tubgoat: Jun 30, 2013; by sebmojo

BiggerBoat posted:

almost ... normal

Someone doesn't live in the U.S.

# ? Jun 30, 2019 20:00

oldpainless: Oct 30, 2009; This 📆 post brought to you by RAID💥: SHADOW LEGENDS👥.
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BiggerBoat posted:

Man, I don't know if I'm just noticing it more these days but lately I've been utterly astonished at just how loving fat so many people are. It's almost gotten to be normal

HAES

# ? Jun 30, 2019 20:02

Philippe: Aug 9, 2013; (she/her)

It's fitting that it sounds like someone sighing

# ? Jun 30, 2019 20:26

Heath: Apr 30, 2008; 🍂🎃🏞️💦

TinTower posted:

https://twitter.com/onanarchism/status/1144772162869440513?s=21

Pictures you can smell.

These guys seem like fun

# ? Jun 30, 2019 21:27

Tubgoat: Jun 30, 2013; by sebmojo

Heath posted:

These guys seem like fun

Unironically. I sure wish An-Prims would realise technology is not the enemy, but Capital and unaccountable hierarchy.

If you have the time/can stomach it, please read/listen to The Ascent of Humanity by Charles Eisenstein, in one chapter he talks about bringing the past into the future, instead of the other way way around. (E.g. recognise unsafe/contraindicated environmental practices for what they are and instead handle it the way our caveperson ancestors would've, given the same understanding of science)

Tubgoat has a new favorite as of 21:34 on Jun 30, 2019

# ? Jun 30, 2019 21:30