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chitoryu12 posted:I was going to say something about Bella continuing to be a whiny brat, but I just noticed how few contractions Bella's internal monologue uses. It doesn't sound natural. It's starting to remind me of Ernest Cline somehow. chitoryu12 posted:Gonna be fun to get to New Moon because I just read a list of how Bella fits 20/20 traits on the Hare Psychopathy Checklist, something even Edward Cullen didn't accomplish. Oh boy. I can hardly wait. PS: thanks, I hate it.
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Jun 27, 2019 00:15
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quote:Jessica pulled on my arm. A lot! quote:“Nothing,” I answered. “I’ll just get a soda today.” I caught up to the end of the line. Get used to Bella's "all about me" stance on the world. It doesn't go away. quote:Ridiculous. I shouldn’t have to run away. Our hero, ladies and gentlemen! quote:I kept my head down and glanced up under my lashes. None of them were looking this way. I lifted my head a little. Okay you don't have to do it three times, Meyer. Twice was enough. quote:“Edward Cullen is staring at you,” Jessica giggled in my ear. Isn't she lovely? quote:Mike interrupted us then—he was planning an epic battle of the blizzard in the parking lot after school and wanted us to join. Jessica agreed enthusiastically. The way she looked at Mike left little doubt that she would be up for anything he suggested. I kept silent. I would have to hide in the gym until the parking lot cleared. Her Inner Goddess is really lame. quote:I didn’t really want to walk to class with Mike as usual—he seemed to be a popular target for the snowball snipers—but when we went to the door, everyone besides me groaned in unison. It was raining, washing all traces of the snow away in clear, icy ribbons down the side of the walkway. I pulled my hood up, secretly pleased. I would be free to go straight home after Gym. He's just trying to fit in with you! quote:Once inside the classroom, I saw with relief that my table was still empty. Mr. Banner was walking around the room, distributing one microscope and box of slides to each table. Class didn’t start for a few minutes, and the room buzzed with conversation. I kept my eyes away from the door, doodling idly on the cover of my notebook. Forks is a town of over 3000 people. It's sure as hell not tiny enough that everyone knows everyone to the point where the police chief's estranged daughter coming home is going to be the talk of the town. Meyer has lived her entire life in large cities as far as I know, so I think her idea of what small town life is like comes from Gilmore Girls. quote:“No,” I persisted stupidly. “I meant, why did you call me Bella?” This is definitely information we needed to have, right? Totally not a way to get this book to 130,000 words? quote:“Ladies first, partner?” Edward asked. I looked up to see him smiling a crooked smile so beautiful that I could only stare at him like an idiot. Has there been a single subject in this school that Bella hasn't already done and mastered? quote:My assessment was confident. “Prophase.” Why are you disappointed? Were you hoping he'd be wrong so you could show off? quote:“Slide three?” I held out my hand without looking at him. Riveting. quote:We were finished before anyone else was close. I could see Mike and his partner comparing two slides again and again, and another group had their book open under the table. Bella is a smart, straight-A student. All of her poor decisions are due to her personality. quote:“It’s too bad about the snow, isn’t it?” Edward asked. I had the feeling that he was forcing himself to make small talk with me. Paranoia swept over me again. It was like he had heard my conversation with Jessica at lunch and was trying to prove me wrong. We're still going with this? quote:“Not really,” I answered honestly, instead of pretending to be normal like everyone else. I was still trying to dislodge the stupid feeling of suspicion, and I couldn’t concentrate. That's not a really demanding question, Bella. It's pretty casual small talk. quote:“It’s… complicated.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vc1UqeHhjeo The acting is awful in this scene and they sound like they're suffering from asthma, but seeing this play out in person really nails how poorly this scene is written. It's like a romance written and acted out by bored high school kids who don't really want to be in drama class but need the extra credit. quote:“Phil travels a lot. He plays ball for a living.” I half-smiled. You've been doing a good job acting like a five-year-old so far! quote:“Am I wrong?” So far Edward has already managed to be more endearing than Bella simply by not being so gloomy. quote:“On the contrary, I find you very difficult to read.” Despite everything that I’d said and he’d guessed, he sounded like he meant it. Watching the video back again, Robert Pattinson actually compromised and smiled where it's noted in the book. It says a lot about the romance here that he still came out thinking Edward was so morose. quote:Mr. Banner called the class to order then, and I turned with relief to listen. I was in disbelief that I’d just explained my dreary life to this bizarre, beautiful boy who may or may not despise me. He’d seemed engrossed in our conversation, but now I could see, from the corner of my eye, that he was leaning away from me again, his hands gripping the edge of the table with unmistakable tension. I'm sure you still hurt his feelings! quote:“Cullen seemed friendly enough today,” he commented as we shrugged into our raincoats. He didn’t seem pleased about it. chitoryu12 fucked around with this message at 18:58 on Mar 1, 2020 |
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Jun 27, 2019 14:35
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Chapter 3: Phenomenonquote:When I opened my eyes in the morning, something was different. I'm waiting for the day Bella wakes up and doesn't immediately complain about it. quote:Charlie had left for work before I got downstairs. In a lot of ways, living with Charlie was like having my own place, and I found myself reveling in the aloneness instead of being lonely. As I said before, this was something Meyer said was taken from her real experience moving on to Provo. As she seems like she was probably an attractive young woman, I'm wondering if the apparent sudden interest in her when she went to college has less to do with Scottsdale being too full of hot tan blondes and more to do with Provo being a very conservative Mormon city and Meyer gaining the confidence and maturity that's typical of young people leaving high school and growing up. quote:My truck seemed to have no problem with the black ice that covered the roads. I drove very slowly, though, not wanting to carve a path of destruction through Main Street. It says a lot about Bella that her mom has been basically useless to the point where she's had to be the adult of the household, but she can't stand the dad who clearly loves her and even went so far as to demand that he spend money on expensive California vacations during his visitation months. And after all that, he still does everything he can to help her and care for her. What I'm saying is Charlie Swan doesn't deserve to be in this series. quote:I was standing by the back corner of the truck, struggling to fight back the sudden wave of emotion the snow chains had brought on, when I heard an odd sound. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bpcwhWgWfCc The reveal of Edward's vampiric speed and strength in the movie quickly reveals the film's low budget, with quick cuts used to disguise the bizarre physics that lead to the van suddenly sliding at a perfect 90 degree angle after a swerve. It does fit the Mary Sue angle in that everyone immediately crowds around the completely uninjured Bella while ignoring the man bleeding from his head. quote:“I’m fine.” My voice sounded strange. I tried to sit up, and realized he was holding me against the side of his body in an iron grasp. Yeah, why does he sound like that? quote:“How in the…” I trailed off, trying to clear my head, get my bearings. “How did you get over here so fast?” How long do you think a compilation of every time Bella complained or whined would be? quote:“You were over there,” I suddenly remembered, and his chuckle stopped short. “You were by your car.” Huh. That was surprisingly easy. quote:It took six EMTs and two teachers—Mr. Varner and Coach Clapp—to shift the van far enough away from us to bring the stretchers in. Edward vehemently refused his, and I tried to do the same, but the traitor told them I’d hit my head and probably had a concussion. I almost died of humiliation when they put on the neck brace. It looked like the entire school was there, watching soberly as they loaded me in the back of the ambulance. Edward got to ride in the front. It was maddening. Bella you could literally die if you smack your head on the asphalt hard enough. Just accept the drat paramedics. quote:To make matters worse, Chief Swan arrived before they could get me safely away. Imagine the level of selfishness to be ungrateful for someone saving your life. quote:They put me in the emergency room, a long room with a line of beds separated by pastel-patterned curtains. A nurse put a pressure cuff on my arm and a thermometer under my tongue. Since no one bothered pulling the curtain around to give me some privacy, I decided I wasn’t obligated to wear the stupid-looking neck brace anymore. When the nurse walked away, I quickly unfastened the Velcro and threw it under the bed. And then she learned that she had an undiagnosed clavicle fracture from hitting the pavement! quote:There was another flurry of hospital personnel, another stretcher brought to the bed next to me. I recognized Tyler Crowley from my Government class beneath the bloodstained bandages wrapped tightly around his head. Tyler looked a hundred times worse than I felt. But he was staring anxiously at me.  Tyler was played by 18-year-old Gregory Tyree Boyce. He's one of the few actors with a speaking role in the series to cease professional acting entirely after the first movie; he has no IMDB credits except appearing in the music video for Trevor Jackson's "Apocalypse". quote:“Bella, I’m so sorry!” I'd be fine with Bella not being injured if she hadn't been so overtly dismissive of health care professionals trying to make sure she's all right. It's their responsibility to take all precautions necessary to get you diagnosed and X-rayed to ensure that there's no damage that can't be seen or felt at a glance. Something like flinging off your neck brace is not only dangerous to your health, but insulting and aggravating to the people taking care of you. And dismissing someone much more severely injured and traumatized from nearly killing a classmate as an annoyance is jaw-droppingly selfish. quote:“Is she sleeping?” a musical voice asked. My eyes flew open. I did a quick Ctrl+F for the word "complain" on a full text of the book. The verb form is used 8 times, 6 of which are describing how Bella is speaking. quote:“It’s all about who you know,” he answered. “But don’t worry, I came to spring you.”  Dr. Carlisle Cullen, the dreamboat of the series for all the middle-aged women, was played by Peter Facinelli. He's predominately a TV actor, appearing as Maxwell Lord on Supergirl and Dr. Fitch Cooper on Nurse Jackie. He initially declined the role when his agent offered, thinking it was going to be a gory vampire movie, but decided to take it after reading the book. Apparently he's a fan! quote:“So, Miss Swan,” Dr. Cullen said in a remarkably appealing voice, “how are you feeling?” "Medium-rare." quote:“Not really.” I’d had worse. I know Edward gets all the hate for being a stalker and everything, but so far he's been a much more appealing character than Bella. quote:“Actually,” Dr. Cullen corrected, “most of the school seems to be in the waiting room.” In a normal universe they'd all be there for the guy who's traumatized and far more injured rather than the girl he didn't even hit. quote:Dr. Cullen raised his eyebrows. “Do you want to stay?” While she's correct, I feel like this isn't enough information for her to decide that. quote:“I’m afraid that you’ll have to stay with us just a little bit longer,” he said to Tyler, and began checking his cuts. He's...not wrong. quote:I flinched back from the resentment in his voice. “You promised.” She is wrong. quote:He glared back. “What do you want from me, Bella?” This itself is a lie. In New Moon she lies and manipulates so much that it becomes her defining character trait. quote:“Can’t you just thank me and get over it?” While I like the "stare down a destroying angel" line on its surface, I'd rather it was used to refer to something other than being distracted from an argument by him being too gorgeous. quote:“Why did you even bother?” I asked frigidly. "You're honestly kind of a brat and haven't displayed any redeeming qualities whatsoever. It's baffling that I would have cared that much." quote:And then he turned his back on me and walked away. Charlie has mastered the Keanu hoverhand. quote:It was a huge relief—the first time I’d ever felt that way—to get into the cruiser. A very likable, relatable protagonist. We all want to be in her place. quote:My mom was in hysterics, of course. I had to tell her I felt fine at least thirty times before she would calm down. She begged me to come home—forgetting the fact that home was empty at the moment—but her pleas were easier to resist than I would have thought. I was consumed by the mystery Edward presented. And more than a little obsessed by Edward himself. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I wasn’t as eager to escape Forks as I should be, as any normal, sane person would be. Forks is fine! Jeeze. quote:I decided I might as well go to bed early that night. Charlie continued to watch me anxiously, and it was getting on my nerves. I stopped on my way to grab three Tylenol from the bathroom. They did help, and, as the pain eased, I drifted to sleep. chitoryu12 fucked around with this message at 15:37 on Jun 28, 2019 |
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Jun 28, 2019 15:34
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chitoryu12 posted:We scowled at each other in silence. I was the first to speak, trying to keep myself focused. I was in danger of being distracted by his livid, glorious face. It was like trying to stare down a destroying angel.  He's so ~*~dreamy~*~! 
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Jun 28, 2019 16:31
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The_White_Crane posted:
Jesus Christ.
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Jun 28, 2019 16:39
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"“Why did you even bother?” I asked frigidly. He paused, and for a brief moment his stunning face was unexpectedly vulnerable. “I don’t know,” he whispered." I wish the books had leaned more into how alien the Cullens are. Later they get into how utterly detached from the world the "bad vampires" are and how they view people as food only, but it would have been much more interesting to have Edward struggling to care about people after a century of no longer being one.
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Jun 28, 2019 17:34
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PsychedelicWarlord posted:"“Why did you even bother?” I asked frigidly. And frankly even the "vegetarian" vampires should have some detachment. They never age, so they're moving constantly and should avoid forming attachments to anyone because they'll have to leave in a few years.
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Jun 28, 2019 17:38
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this is all reminding me of the twilight style video my chemistry TAs made in high school which was hilarious because the writing was only slightly cornier and the special effects only a little cheaper looking despite being produced by two teenage girls in about 2 hours for a class they didnt care about
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Jun 28, 2019 18:49
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Chitoryu, this thread is amazing. Please keep it coming, it’s so much fun to read you detachedly taking apart bad prose and worse characterisation.
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Jun 28, 2019 19:32
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I read the first Twilight 9 or 10 years ago out of morbid curiosity and it really is just terribly written. It's the literary equivalent of plain white bread. Looking forward to this thread.
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Jun 29, 2019 03:24
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Bella being worried about the rest of the school's attention makes a little bit of sense to me because I moved twice in high school, both times to small towns, and never got to live down early incidents classmates saw as strange. Different states having drastically different curriculum is normal too, sadly. It doesn't make her any less insufferable a character, but Meyer has some decent bits mixed in and that's probably the most frustrating part so far.
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Jun 29, 2019 05:52
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Lord Zedd-Repulsa posted:Bella being worried about the rest of the school's attention makes a little bit of sense to me because I moved twice in high school, both times to small towns, and never got to live down early incidents classmates saw as strange. Different states having drastically different curriculum is normal too, sadly. It doesn't make her any less insufferable a character, but Meyer has some decent bits mixed in and that's probably the most frustrating part so far. Where it falls apart is that the attention somehow starts long before she gets to school. Forks is a town of over 3000 people, hardly an "everyone knows everyone" place. Somehow the police chief's estranged daughter (who he's been seeing yearly anyway and used to come up to visit all the time until she whined enough that he started taking her to California instead) moving in with him right before she finishes high school is the talk of the town. Everyone she meets, from school administrators to students to teachers, already knows who she is when she arrives and some of them even gawk at her. That is not a newsworthy event! And all of it seems to come together in a way that ensures Bella is the center of attention. The curriculum is different, but always in a way that gives her an advantage. She's embarrassed by her arrival, but the whole drat school is practically tripping over themselves to befriend her as soon as she arrives and storms the hospital when she's nearly hit by a van to check on her. It's an extremely self-centered story even before you get into her uniqueness causing literally the entire plot to revolve around her existence.
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Jun 29, 2019 06:29
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All of that is bullshit, yeah. I'm just trying to find anything that might've been interesting in the hands of an author with more skill or experience.
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Jun 29, 2019 06:34
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Thanks, I hate it. Give Charlie his own series with some of those clever, competent Bond girls.
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Jun 30, 2019 07:43
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Chapter 4: Invitationsquote:In my dream it was very dark, and what dim light there was seemed to be radiating from Edward’s skin. I couldn’t see his face, just his back as he walked away from me, leaving me in the blackness. No matter how fast I ran, I couldn’t catch up to him; no matter how loud I called, he never turned. Troubled, I woke in the middle of the night and couldn’t sleep again for what seemed like a very long time. After that, he was in my dreams nearly every night, but always on the periphery, never within reach. You've been the center of attention the whole drat time, Bella! quote:Tyler Crowley was impossible, following me around, obsessed with making amends to me somehow. I tried to convince him what I wanted more than anything else was for him to forget all about it—especially since nothing had actually happened to me—but he remained insistent. He followed me between classes and sat at our now-crowded lunch table. Mike and Eric were even less friendly toward him than they were to each other, which made me worry that I’d gained another unwelcome fan. Bella has been in school for a few weeks and already has three guys fighting over her in addition to Edward, but she's still supposed to be our awkward outcast. quote:No one seemed concerned about Edward, though I explained over and over that he was the hero—how he had pulled me out of the way and had nearly been crushed, too. I tried to be convincing. Jessica, Mike, Eric, and everyone else always commented that they hadn’t even seen him there till the van was pulled away. "Also if we start talking about him, that's less time we spend on you!" quote:I wondered to myself why no one else had seen him standing so far away, before he was suddenly, impossibly saving my life. With chagrin, I realized the probable cause—no one else was as aware of Edward as I always was. No one else watched him the way I did. How pitiful. I thought the Cullens were supposed to be so impossibly, ethereally beautiful that everyone pays attention to them even when they're not doing anything? quote:Edward was never surrounded by crowds of curious bystanders eager for his firsthand account. People avoided him as usual. The Cullens and the Hales sat at the same table as always, not eating, talking only among themselves. None of them, especially Edward, glanced my way anymore. But...this doesn't really mesh with how we were introduced to them? The Cullens are so shockingly gorgeous and pale that they instantly attract Bella's attention. Jessica knows enough about them to rattle off their names, relationships, and imply that just about every girl in the school has made a failed attempt at hooking up with Edward. But now everyone just completely avoids them and pays so little attention that they don't even notice Edward being involved in the crash? quote:When he sat next to me in class, as far from me as the table would allow, he seemed totally unaware of my presence. Only now and then, when his fists would suddenly ball up—skin stretched even whiter over the bones—did I wonder if he wasn’t quite as oblivious as he appeared. There's a lot of other conclusions you can come to! quote:I wanted very much to talk to him, and the day after the accident I tried. The last time I’d seen him, outside the ER, we’d both been so furious. I still was angry that he wouldn’t trust me with the truth, even though I was keeping my part of the bargain flawlessly. But he had in fact saved my life, no matter how he’d done it. And, overnight, the heat of my anger faded into awed gratitude. No better way to start a romance than to have both people ruin their first pleasant interaction with a fight and then stop talking to each other for a month. quote:Despite my outright lies, the tenor of my e-mails alerted Renée to my depression, and she called a few times, worried. I tried to convince her it was just the weather that had me down. Mike is too good for you. You might be noticing around this point that there's no Jacob. Jacob actually has a very small role in the first book and doesn't become part of the infamous love triangle until New Moon. It's actually the dorky blonde of all people who has to compete with Edward at first! You might also notice that Mike (as well as everyone else who's not a Swan or Cullen) has essentially no characterization. All of Bella's school friends are distinguished only by name and the attention they give her. quote:The snow washed away for good after that one dangerously icy day. Mike was disappointed he’d never gotten to stage his snowball fight, but pleased that the beach trip would soon be possible. The rain continued heavily, though, and the weeks passed. This is a really awkward way to write dialogue. quote:“No, Jess, I’m not going,” I assured her. Dancing was glaringly outside my range of abilities. Meyer repeatedly commits the common amateur's sin of calling out her own mistakes instead of fixing them. Instead of making a more realistic character that's actually as awkward and shy as Bella claims to be, where Edward's attention really is unusual, Meyer makes her self-insert protagonist the center of attention that everyone is obsessing over and just tries to do a "Haha, silly me!" Another place you can see it is Bella repeatedly calling herself out for making stupid decisions, like obsessing over wanting to see Edward again after their mild pleasantries in Biology. It makes it seem like Bella (and by extension the author) find it okay to repeatedly sin or make dumbass moves as long as you beat yourself up over it. She could just, you know, not keep acting deranged. quote:“You have fun with Mike,” I encouraged. Normally I would call out Bella for saying no because of her obsession with a guy who currently can't stand to be around her, but Mike and Jessica deserve better than her. quote:“Mike, I think you should tell her yes,” I said. Forks is a roughly 4-hour drive from Seattle on the other side of the Olympic National Park. It really is in the middle of nowhere. quote:“Can’t you go some other weekend?” So don't date him! quote:I tried very hard not to be aware of him for the rest of the hour, and, since that was impossible, at least not to let him know that I was aware of him. When the bell rang at last, I turned my back to him to gather my things, expecting him to leave immediately as usual. One of the more infamous pieces of Twilight history was Midnight Sun. Because Meyer doesn't really know what else to write, she began work on a rewrite of the original Twilight from Edward's point of view. Robert Pattinson and Catherine Hardwicke were actually given some chapters of the book that she had already completed to help with understanding Edward's unstated motivations during filming. In August 2008 (3 months before the film's release), someone Meyer had given an incomplete draft to leaked it online. Meyer promptly threw a tantrum and refused to finish the book, at least until everyone had forgotten about it. She was at least kind enough to put up the whole manuscript for free herself. Eventually Meyer decided to start writing again, but rather than finish Midnight Sun she wrote Life and Death: Twilight Reimagined. This supremely lazy book is simply a gender-flipped repeat of the first one, with extremely few changes apart from swapping names (and some very telling changes of emotion and detail that have more than a few sexist implications). It actually got her interested in picking up her book about Edward again....and then she found out that EL James was releasing Grey: Fifty Shades of Grey as Told by Christian. As she recounted at New York Comic-Con, this caused her to throw yet another tantrum and give up. Thanks to Midnight Sun, we can actually go and look at Edward's thoughts and motivations in any given scene. To spoil it a little, at this point the Cullen family has been debating whether or not they need to kill Bella to keep their secret. They already know of Edward's attraction to her and he's incredibly offended that Bella thinks he wishes she died, to the point where he starts wondering if she even thinks the same way normal humans do. quote:I turned my head sharply away from him, clenching my jaw against all the wild accusations I wanted to hurl at him. I gathered my books together, then stood and walked to the door. I meant to sweep dramatically out of the room, but of course I caught the toe of my boot on the doorjamb and dropped my books. I stood there for a moment, thinking about leaving them. Then I sighed and bent to pick them up. He was there; he’d already stacked them into a pile. He handed them to me, his face hard. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NxeG3BBFLvY This scene takes place in the cafeteria in the movie. Yes, this video is the one with the best quality. Shut up. The apple trick took 26 takes, even with the apple on a string to pull it up. quote:Gym was brutal. We’d moved on to basketball. My team never passed me the ball, so that was good, but I fell down a lot. Sometimes I took people with me. Today I was worse than usual because my head was so filled with Edward. I tried to concentrate on my feet, but he kept creeping back into my thoughts just when I really needed my balance. I'm sure Bella will continue to whine about how much of a struggle it is to deal with Tyler while he's injured, traumatized, and dealing with his parents having to sell their van because of the accident. quote:I almost had a stroke when I rounded the corner and saw a tall, dark figure leaning against the side of my truck. Then I realized it was just Eric. I started walking again. That's two down. Can we get a third? quote:He slouched off, back toward the school. I heard a low chuckle. Bella what the gently caress? quote:I looked in my rearview mirror. A line was beginning to form. Directly behind me, Tyler Crowley was in his recently acquired used Sentra, waving. I was too aggravated to acknowledge him. And there we go! Every male character with lines as of this point who isn't an adult is in love with her! quote:This could not be happening. I'd like to say her dislike of him is understandable at this point, but I still have no clue why everyone is head over heels for her. She's been horribly rude and inconsiderate to pretty much everyone every day. quote:And before I could respond, he was walking back to his car. I could feel the shock on my face. I looked forward to see Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper all sliding into the Volvo. In his rearview mirror, Edward’s eyes were on me. He was unquestionably shaking with laughter, as if he’d heard every word Tyler had said. My foot itched toward the gas pedal… one little bump wouldn’t hurt any of them, just that glossy silver paint job. I revved the engine. Remember before when I said that there have been essays explaining why Bella Swan is a sociopath? It starts early. quote:But they were all in, and Edward was speeding away. I drove home slowly, carefully, muttering to myself the whole way. When I got home, I decided to make chicken enchiladas for dinner. It was a long process, and it would keep me busy. While I was simmering the onions and chilies, the phone rang. I was almost afraid to answer it, but it might be Charlie or my mom. Wow, it's a good thing that all of that buildup with everyone asking her to the dance happened! It really made the paragraph where they painlessly resolve everything matter so much more! This definitely has a bearing on the plot! quote:After I hung up, I tried to concentrate on dinner—dicing the chicken especially; I didn’t want to take another trip to the emergency room. But my head was spinning, trying to analyze every word Edward had spoken today. What did he mean, it was better if we weren’t friends? It's a good thing the entire rest of the school unconditionally loves you and your father would die for you no matter how bitchy you were to him, right? quote:Of course he wasn’t interested in me, I thought angrily, my eyes stinging—a delayed reaction to the onions. I wasn’t interesting. And he was. Interesting… and brilliant… and mysterious… and perfect… and beautiful… and possibly able to lift full-sized vans with one hand. "I'm not interesting or beautiful! That's why everyone's lives revolve around me and my approval!" quote:Well, that was fine. I could leave him alone. I would leave him alone. I would get through my self-imposed sentence here in purgatory, and then hopefully some school in the Southwest, or possibly Hawaii, would offer me a scholarship. I focused my thoughts on sunny beaches and palm trees as I finished the enchiladas and put them in the oven. Imagine being this goddamn haughty about Mexican food. You're a loving 4-hour drive from Seattle and Tacoma, the 15th largest metropolitan area in the country and home to one of the most thriving cultural scenes in America. quote:“Dad?” I asked when he was almost done. Or the chances of you committing a road rage murder. quote:“Yes.” I would really love to know what the gently caress that means, Meyer. quote:“No—I don’t dance, Dad.” He, of all people, should understand that—I didn’t get my balance problems from my mother. But...we've never seen Charlie clumsy? Ever? quote:The next morning, when I pulled into the parking lot, I deliberately parked as far as possible from the silver Volvo. I didn’t want to put myself in the path of too much temptation and end up owing him a new car. Bella is shockingly, revoltingly violent. quote:Getting out of the cab, I fumbled with my key and it fell into a puddle at my feet. As I bent to get it, a white hand flashed out and grabbed it before I could. I jerked upright. Edward Cullen was right next to me, leaning casually against my truck. Yes, good. Keep roasting her. Someone in this book has to. quote:I scowled at his perfect face. His eyes were light again today, a deep, golden honey color. Then I had to look down, to reassemble my now-tangled thoughts. Oh get over yourself. quote:“Why the traffic jam last night?” I demanded, still looking away. “I thought you were supposed to be pretending I don’t exist, not irritating me to death.” Edward is the true hero of this book. quote:“And I’m not pretending you don’t exist,” he continued. "And also just the worst." quote:My palms tingled—I wanted so badly to hit something. I was surprised at myself. I was usually a nonviolent person. Are you, though? quote:I turned my back and started to walk away. How have you written a protagonist so terrible that it makes me love Edward "Abusive Stalker" Cullen? quote:“Why won’t you leave me alone?” I grumbled. That's actually a good point. Despite being much more endearing than our psychopathic protagonist, Edward's tone and mood swing practically sentence to sentence. Maybe it was Meyer's way of trying to write a vampire who's permanently a teenager and has some level of detachment from humanity, but it makes the romance even more confusing than having one member have no appealing qualities whatsoever. quote:“You’re doing it again.” You said it, not me. quote:I was still stunned. “Why?” Oh my God. This was a Captain Planet AU all along. quote:“Honestly, Edward.” I felt a thrill go through me as I said his name, and I hated it. “I can’t keep up with you. I thought you didn’t want to be my friend.” "But I need to keep this plot going against all reason, so...." quote:“Oh, thanks, now that’s all cleared up.” Heavy sarcasm. I realized I had stopped walking again. We were under the shelter of the cafeteria roof now, so I could more easily look at his face. Which certainly didn’t help my clarity of thought. ....th-then don't ask her out! chitoryu12 fucked around with this message at 14:38 on Jul 1, 2019 |
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Jul 1, 2019 14:34
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 Ah yes, I see, these are ... human people who act like hu-mans, yes. No, don't give me that "Edward is a vampire!" he's been faking humanity for howevermany decades, he should be less poo poo at it by now.
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Jul 1, 2019 15:52
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Reading through another sporking of the book concurrently, someone pointed out that during the van accident Bella has so much time to notice tons of inconsequential details (where Edward is, the expression on his face, the reactions of everyone else around him, and the exact angle the van was going to hit her truck and where she was in relation to both vehicles) that it implies she was standing and staring at the van for ages waiting for it to hit her. They compare it to this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLlUgilKqms
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Jul 1, 2019 16:24
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We have not truly reached the nadir of Bella Swan. Brace yourselves!
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Jul 1, 2019 16:30
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HIJK posted:We have not truly reached the nadir of Bella Swan. Brace yourselves! Yeah, everything about New Moon says she jumps right off the cliff (hohohohoho) straight into manipulative, sociopathic behavior. There's actually a lot of attempts at diagnosing her. She convincingly fits Borderline Personality Disorder, Histrionic Personality Disorder, Schizotypal Personality Disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and sociopathy/psychopathy depending on how you want to look at her. Regardless of what you pick, she remains an utterly awful person.
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Jul 1, 2019 16:39
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"I didn't want to start a bad precedent by asking my dad if I, his 17 year old daughter who had an old car, could drive several hours away to a strange city alone." So, idea to make the book better. Bella goes back to Phoenix, Charlie adopts Mike, Mike and Jessica start dating, and the three of them travel around solving crimes helped by Mr Cullen, who uses vampire medicine for forensic stuff
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Jul 1, 2019 21:25
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Epicurius posted:"I didn't want to start a bad precedent by asking my dad if I, his 17 year old daughter who had an old car, could drive several hours away to a strange city alone." I actually kinda want to write a book like this now.
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Jul 1, 2019 21:40
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Chapter 5: Blood Typequote:I made my way to English in a daze. I didn't even realize when I first walked in that class had already started. Why? Somehow you've managed to appeal to every single other person you've met in this book despite a total lack of redeeming qualities. The whole drat school left to check on you when you almost got hit by a van! quote:So I was impatient and frightened as Jessica and I entered the cafeteria. I wanted to see his face, to see if he’d gone back to the cold, indifferent person I’d known for the last several weeks. Or if, by some miracle, I’d really heard what I thought I’d heard this morning. Jessica babbled on and on about her dance plans—Lauren and Angela had asked the other boys and they were all going together—completely unaware of my inattention. Do people seriously wink in real life? quote:“Does he mean you?” Jessica asked with insulting astonishment in her voice. This...is not the kind of thing you want a guy to say when he starts flirting with you. quote:I waited for him to say something that made sense. The seconds ticked by. Not if their entire existence revolves around you! quote:“I may not give you back, though,” he said with a wicked glint in his eyes. Uhhh quote:I gulped. I know Meyer probably meant this to sound predatory, but I don't think it sounds like it in the way she hoped it would. quote:“You lost me again.” Yeah, are we really going to rehash this for the fourth or fifth time in two chapters? quote:“Yes, because you’re not listening to me. I’m still waiting for you to believe it. If you’re smart, you’ll avoid me.” Another way to pad the word count: repeat conversations over and over because nobody gets it. quote:“I think you’ve made your opinion on the subject of my intellect clear, too.” My eyes narrowed. That's the smartest decision you've made so far, Bella. quote:“Won’t you tell me?” he asked, tilting his head to one side with a shockingly tempting smile. So is having you keep trying to make friends while insisting nobody should be friends with you! quote:“No,” I disagreed quickly, my eyes narrowing, “I can’t imagine why that would be frustrating at all—just because someone refuses to tell you what they’re thinking, even if all the while they’re making cryptic little remarks specifically designed to keep you up at night wondering what they could possibly mean… now, why would that be frustrating?” Imagine if he knew she was seriously considering wrecking his car because of annoyance. quote:“I don’t like double standards.” *snorts* quote:We stared at each other, unsmiling. Because she's a sociopath faking complex emotions and care for other people? quote:I had to look away from the intensity of his stare. I concentrated on unscrewing the lid of my lemonade. I took a swig, staring at the table without seeing it. Why do I get the feeling the Cullens have to keep moving because they can't stop making coy references to being immortal vampires in front of people? quote:“Can you do me a favor?” I asked after a second of hesitation. Yes he will. quote:He looked down, and then glanced up at me through his long black lashes, his ocher eyes scorching. Or just crazy. quote:“That’s not very creative,” he scoffed. What does that even look like? quote:“But not bad,” I whispered, shaking my head. “No, I don’t believe that you’re bad.” I'm starting to like the movie more for cutting down on the obnoxious padding. This post is already long as hell and virtually nothing has happened! We're in the same conversation that we started the chapter in and we've barely learned anything or progressed the plot! quote:The silence lasted until I noticed that the cafeteria was almost empty. Give him a leather jacket and a cigarette, ladies! He's a bad boy. quote:“Well, I’m going,” I told him. I was far too big a coward to risk getting caught. Imagine going straight from reading James Bond to this. quote:So few questions had been answered in comparison to how many new questions had been raised. At least the rain had stopped. I wonder how long Meyer can drag this one out? quote:“Put a small drop of blood on each of the prongs.” He demonstrated, squeezing Mike’s finger till the blood flowed. I swallowed convulsively, my stomach heaving. I, uh, don't think that's exactly what it's like when you feel faint at the sight of blood. quote:“The Red Cross is having a blood drive in Port Angeles next weekend, so I thought you should all know your blood type.” He sounded proud of himself. “Those of you who aren’t eighteen yet will need a parent’s permission—I have slips at my desk.” See, Edward is already a bad influence on her! quote:“Can someone take Bella to the nurse, please?” he called. Remember this is the protagonist that Stephenie Meyer wants us to root for and enjoy reading about. quote:He helped me sit on the edge of the walk. How loving. quote:He chuckled. “I was taking her to the nurse,” Mike explained in a defensive tone, “but she wouldn’t go any farther.” I wonder how Bella has dealt with periods for so many years if she instantly faints from a single drop of blood on someone's finger. quote:I don’t know how he opened the door while carrying me, but it was suddenly warm, so I knew we were inside. "Cowards, we call them." quote:He muffled a snicker. “Just lie down for a minute, honey; it’ll pass.” Fantastic. quote:“Ditching is healthy.” I practiced breathing evenly. Mike doesn't have nearly enough personality to be revealed as a serial killer. quote:“Ha ha.” I still had my eyes closed, but I was feeling more normal every minute. Maybe that's why this book had the appeal it did. It's all for the kids who would ditch class to listen to My Chemical Romance. quote:I heard the door and opened my eyes to see the nurse with a cold compress in her hand. Bella just has a thing about running away from medical treatment. Actually, making that joke suddenly reminded me. Bella was in the hospital and Tyler's face was all sliced up from the crash, but she never once saw any blood or had a reaction to it? Maybe her annoyance at Tyler being guilty for nearly killing her overrode her weakness. quote:And then Mike staggered through the door, now supporting a sallow-looking Lee Stephens, another boy in our Biology class. Edward and I drew back against the wall to give them room. In case you were wondering, Lee Stephens is not in the movie. He makes a few intermittent appearances as a background character and never does anything. quote:“Oh no,” Edward muttered. “Go out to the office, Bella.” I think he's realizing the hospital plot hole too. quote:“What?” I asked. As we all know, pockets block smells. quote:“It’s not bleeding anymore,” he muttered. “Are you going back to class?” According to Midnight Sun, Edward is staring into space because he's utterly furious at Bella spending time with anyone else. quote:I tried to sound as friendly as possible. “Sure, I said I was in.” Our protagonist is a cowardly, clumsy sociopath in poor physical condition who passes out at the sight of one drop of blood (when narratively convenient). Bella is often criticized for lacking really any agency in the plot and just being someone that things happen to, and it's clear from the beginning that it's because Meyer wrote someone with absolutely zero tools to actually affect the narrative. quote:I heard Edward speaking softly at the counter. “Ms. Cope?” When a nearly century-old vampire in a 17-year-old's body is seducing a school nurse, which is the creepier one? quote:“No, I have Mrs. Goff, she won’t mind.” I won't disagree there. quote:“Anytime.” He was staring straight forward, squinting into the rain. When was the last time a teenager seriously said "Mike-schmike" as opposed to "Man, gently caress Mike"? quote:We were near the parking lot now. I veered left, toward my truck. Something caught my jacket, yanking me back. But her condition is fake! You were both acting! quote:“What condition? And what about my truck?” I complained. The word you're looking for is "abusive" Bella! quote:“It’s open,” was all he responded. He got in the driver’s side. "Hahaha, Mike is such a secret murderer. Also, get the gently caress in my car or I'll drag you in myself." quote:I tried to maintain what dignity I could as I got into his car. I wasn’t very successful—I looked like a half-drowned cat and my boots squeaked. No, most of the chapter preceding this was unnecessary. This is Ted Bundy's start of darkness. quote:He didn’t answer. He fiddled with the controls, turning the heater up and the music down. As he pulled out of the parking lot, I was preparing to give him the silent treatment—my face in full pout mode—but then I recognized the music playing, and my curiosity got the better of my intentions. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvFH_6DNRCY "Clair de Lune" is a pretty famous piano piece. Recognizing it isn't a tremendous achievement. quote:“Not well,” I admitted. “My mother plays a lot of classical music around the house—I only know my favorites.” Man, she forgets about being forced into a creepy guy's car real fast. quote:“What is your mother like?” he asked me suddenly. "More like twelve on a good day." quote:His tone was reproachful; it made me laugh. I think your mom was only saying that because she's permanently a child. I can't remind people enough that Renee Swan got married young, had a kid, and got bored with small town life and abandoned her husband while taking advantage of his depression and ailing parents to get primary custody of their daughter. She was then so useless that Bella was forced to take care of all the basic household tasks until she found a new husband who would coddle her. And somehow she's the one Bella sympathizes with, rather than her eternally put-upon father who continues to dote on her despite her whiny and demanding personality. quote:He made a face and changed the subject. I don't know if Renee is mentally capable of understanding her daughter having a relationship. quote:“I-I think so,” I stuttered. “But she’s the parent, after all. It’s a little bit different.” This entire sequence with the car has been right out of a serial killer playbook. Any sane girl would be diving out onto the highway right now. quote:I thought for a moment, wondering whether the truth or a lie would go over better. I decided to go with the truth. “Hmmm… I think you could be, if you wanted to.” You loving should be! quote:“So, now are you going to tell me about your family?” I asked to distract him. “It’s got to be a much more interesting story than mine.” The car you were physically forced into. quote:“And you probably want your truck back before Chief Swan gets home, so you don’t have to tell him about the Biology incident.” He grinned at me. Again, not that small of a town! quote:He laughed, and there was an edge to his laughter. To hide all the bodies! quote:“Oh, well, have fun.” I tried to sound enthusiastic. I don’t think I fooled him, though. A smile was playing around the edges of his lips. "It's less fun if I can't do it myself." quote:The helplessness had faded as he spoke. I glared at him. But she's not normally violent, right? quote:He was still smiling as he drove away.
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Jul 2, 2019 15:39
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I'm kinda wanting to finish this series with Midnight Sun because it really explains why Robert Pattinson would have such a hatred of Edward. Being exposed to all of his internal thoughts reveals exactly what level of depravity being a vampire for almost 100 years has dropped him to. Basically, he's incapable of viewing humans as humans. While he has an obsessive love for Bella, he's utterly disconnected from just about every other human being at this point in the book. He not only considers himself a rival of Mike's, but actually fantasizes about ways of murdering him whenever he gets Bella's attention. As far as why he's forcing Bella into his car, he wanted to practice being close to her for an extended period of time without giving into the urge to kill her. Keep in mind that Edward is spending all of his scenes with Bella with the insatiable urge to murder her. This is a romance of a monster and a sociopath.
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Jul 2, 2019 19:45
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Edward, for being an immortal century old predator who instinctively sees human beings as prey instead of equals, still has more emotional intelligence than Bella, though.
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Jul 2, 2019 20:47
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Something noticeable with Midnight Sun as the "final" entry in the Twilight series is that Meyer's writing never really gets better. She's more capable of complex emotions and has learned more words, but her style of writing is still incredibly stilted and includes very awkward turns of phrase. It actually seems to get even worse at times because she's trying to emulate Edward's age with more archaic speech. Here's that final sequence from his perspective: quote:If I let her push for too many details, I would have to lie. I glanced at the clock, disheartened that my time with her was up. Keep in mind that no matter what Edward seemed like in the original book, this is what Robert Pattinson had in his head the whole time.
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Jul 2, 2019 21:56
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No wonder he was down on the character, sheesh
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Jul 2, 2019 23:43
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Here's an even sketchier passage. It's almost a game to find places where both characters are being awful at the same time.quote:Mike Newton interrupted us then, entering the room with resentful, violent thoughts. chitoryu12 fucked around with this message at 00:11 on Jul 3, 2019 |
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Jul 3, 2019 00:06
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Here's the thing. Honestly, Edward being creepy doesn't really bother me. Being a hundred year old immortal stuck in the body of a 17 year old who instinctively sees humans as either prey or threats and has spent his entire lifetime forcing himself to be self controlled and emotionally repressed because he knows that the sight or smell of blood will drive him into a frenzy probably means that he's not going to view the world the same way you or I would. It, of course, also means he's not good boyfriend material for an actual 17 year old human girl. But to give a little bit of credit to the Edward of Midnight Sun, or at least the excerpts posted, he knows that. He knows that any sort of humanity or understanding he's showing is a deliberate act, and all he wants to do is kill or dominate. And he knows how he affects people...he outright seduces the school nurse so she'll do what he wants. Is it creepy? Sure. But he at least is showing some sort of agency here. So I still find Edward less obnoxious than Bella, who has shown no sort of self awareness or agency at all.
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Jul 3, 2019 02:19
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While I was aware of its existence I never read or watched any of this series and this thread is quite a revelation.
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Jul 3, 2019 02:28
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Edward posted:Run, Bella, run. I love you too much, for your good or mine. He's talked to her like three times at this point 
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Jul 3, 2019 05:29
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PsychedelicWarlord posted:He's talked to her like three times at this point Bella’s the most inexplicable one here. Edward at least has the excuse of unusually strong hunger toward her blood. She had one mildly annoying incident on her first day and was sobbing and unable to sleep from it, then spent a whole week obsessing over him.
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Jul 3, 2019 07:33
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chitoryu12 posted:Bella’s the most inexplicable one here. Edward at least has the excuse of unusually strong hunger toward her blood. She had one mildly annoying incident on her first day and was sobbing and unable to sleep from it, then spent a whole week obsessing over him. Yeah, also having someone who's mind you can't read after 100+ years of being able to read everyone is actually a pretty strong hook for why he's obsessed with her. Like reading all the excerpts from the Edward POV book, Meyer is really pushing the idea that Edward can't actually function without the ability to read minds and is constantly misinterpreting everything about Bella because he can't cheat and get into her head like everyone else.
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Jul 3, 2019 07:42
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quote:I felt greedy, a miser hording over each minute. You hack, Meyer, that's not how you spell "hoarding", nor how you use it.
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Jul 3, 2019 10:15
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Zore posted:Yeah, also having someone who's mind you can't read after 100+ years of being able to read everyone is actually a pretty strong hook for why he's obsessed with her. Like reading all the excerpts from the Edward POV book, Meyer is really pushing the idea that Edward can't actually function without the ability to read minds and is constantly misinterpreting everything about Bella because he can't cheat and get into her head like everyone else. As always, there’s a much better idea and story buried beneath her amateur writing and awful characterization.
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Jul 3, 2019 13:16
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chitoryu12 posted:As always, there’s a much better idea and story buried beneath her amateur writing and awful characterization. Probably part of why the books inspired so much fanfiction. Even EL James looks at this and goes "I can do that. I can do better than that."
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Jul 3, 2019 14:04
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A more interesting story would focus on how Edward is essentially a predator and the Cullens are really badly attempting to ape humanity with little success. There are also moral dilemmas with the Cullens: one of them is a surgeon but the rest just pretend to do high school instead of actually useful stuff. And they are aware of the vampires who are, uh, bad, but have a sort of don't ask don't tell policy toward widespread murder. When I was a teenage girl reading these books and getting into the fandom, I liked all the stories that played with the minor characters. There are some actual good elements in the story that are just dropped or poorly handled: I am not sure what the spoiler policy is so I'll hold off. I hadn't read Midnight Sun so I am kind of delighted to hear that the Cullens are just as big sickos as they come off in the series: constantly debating about murdering people to maintain their facade of "hot highschooler."
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Jul 3, 2019 14:39
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PsychedelicWarlord posted:A more interesting story would focus on how Edward is essentially a predator and the Cullens are really badly attempting to ape humanity with little success. There are also moral dilemmas with the Cullens: one of them is a surgeon but the rest just pretend to do high school instead of actually useful stuff. And they are aware of the vampires who are, uh, bad, but have a sort of don't ask don't tell policy toward widespread murder. I'm more casual with spoilers here because most of the really heinous poo poo (like "imprinting") is already well known in popular culture. I'd just put it behind spoiler tags.
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Jul 3, 2019 14:55
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Chapter 6: Scary Storiesquote:As I sat in my room, trying to concentrate on the third act of Macbeth, I was really listening for my truck. I would have thought, even over the pounding rain, I could have heard the engine’s roar. But when I went to peek out the curtain—again—it was suddenly there. I checked Midnight Sun to see if there was any supernatural explanation like the Cullens carrying her truck to the driveway for no reason, but no. She just couldn't hear it over the rain. quote:I wasn’t looking forward to Friday, and it more than lived up to my non-expectations. Of course there were the fainting comments. Jessica especially seemed to get a kick out of that story. Luckily Mike had kept his mouth shut, and no one seemed to know about Edward’s involvement. She did have a lot of questions about lunch, though. As always, bad writing is okay if the characters make fun of it! quote:“You looked kind of mad,” she fished. Bella reminds me of those "I have an old soul!" girls who are really just sanctimonious about their immaturity. Virtually all of her female peers are shallower than thou and only care about gossip and boys. quote:The worst part about Friday was that, even though I knew he wasn’t going to be there, I still hoped. When I walked into the cafeteria with Jessica and Mike, I couldn’t keep from looking at his table, where Rosalie, Alice, and Jasper sat talking, heads close together. And I couldn’t stop the gloom that engulfed me as I realized I didn’t know how long I would have to wait before I saw him again. Also, blondes are pretty universally bitchy in this series. quote:That night at dinner, Charlie seemed enthusiastic about my trip to La Push in the morning. I think he felt guilty for leaving me home alone on the weekends, but he’d spent too many years building his habits to break them now. Of course he knew the names of all the kids going, and their parents, and their great-grandparents, too, probably. He seemed to approve. I wondered if he would approve of my plan to ride to Seattle with Edward Cullen. Not that I was going to tell him. Doo doo doo doo. quote:It was in the wrong place in the sky, too low, and it didn’t seem to be as close as it should be, but it was definitely the sun. Clouds ringed the horizon, but a large patch of blue was visible in the middle. I lingered by the window as long as I could, afraid that if I left the blue would disappear again. Ben, Conner, and Lauren never appear in the film as named characters. I don't think Ben or Conner ever do anything important except add flavor text to the background. quote:At least Mike was happy to see me. Stephenie Meyer is one of those authors that will make you hate the word "chagrin". It appears 24 times in the books, including 9 times in Midnight Sun alone, and she regularly misuses it as an adjective. quote:The numbers worked out in my favor, though. Lee brought two extra people, and suddenly every seat was necessary. I managed to wedge Jess in between Mike and me in the front seat of the Suburban. Mike could have been more graceful about it, but at least Jess seemed appeased. I wonder how many of Bella's traits were meant to make her the anti-vampire. Being afraid of blood, loving the sun.... quote:I’d been to the beaches around La Push many times during my Forks summers with Charlie, so the mile-long crescent of First Beach was familiar to me. It was still breathtaking. The water was dark gray, even in the sunlight, white-capped and heaving to the gray, rocky shore. Islands rose out of the steel harbor waters with sheer cliff sides, reaching to uneven summits, and crowned with austere, soaring firs. The beach had only a thin border of actual sand at the water’s edge, after which it grew into millions of large, smooth stones that looked uniformly gray from a distance, but close up were every shade a stone could be: terra-cotta, sea green, lavender, blue gray, dull gold. The tide line was strewn with huge driftwood trees, bleached bone white in the salt waves, some piled together against the edge of the forest fringe, some lying solitary, just out of reach of the waves. First off, it's amazing how incredibly boring Meyer manages to make this sequence. You can tell what she had in her head, but it's written in such a matter-of-fact way. Second, this is correct. The salts in driftwood create lavender and blue flames when burned. The smoke is also toxic! quote:After a half hour of chatter, some of the boys wanted to hike to the nearby tidal pools. It was a dilemma. On the one hand, I loved the tide pools. They had fascinated me since I was a child; they were one of the only things I ever looked forward to when I had to come to Forks. On the other hand, I’d also fallen into them a lot. Not a big deal when you’re seven and with your dad. It reminded me of Edward’s request—that I not fall into the ocean. Spoilers: Bella later falls in the ocean. quote:Lauren was the one who made my decision for me. She didn’t want to hike, and she was definitely wearing the wrong shoes for it. Most of the other girls besides Angela and Jessica decided to stay on the beach as well. I waited until Tyler and Eric had committed to remaining with them before I got up quietly to join the pro-hiking group. Mike gave me a huge smile when he saw that I was coming. Lauren is a walking stereotype, from the blonde hair to the bitchiness toward the new girl to wearing fashion shoes for a hike. quote:The hike wasn’t too long, though I hated to lose the sky in the woods. The green light of the forest was strangely at odds with the adolescent laughter, too murky and ominous to be in harmony with the light banter around me. I had to watch each step I took very carefully, avoiding roots below and branches above, and I soon fell behind. Eventually I broke through the emerald confines of the forest and found the rocky shore again. It was low tide, and a tidal river flowed past us on its way to the sea. Along its pebbled banks, shallow pools that never completely drained were teeming with life. "I told you not to fall in the loving water." quote:Finally the boys were hungry, and I got up stiffly to follow them back. I tried to keep up better this time through the woods, so naturally I fell a few times. I got some shallow scrapes on my palms, and the knees of my jeans were stained green, but it could have been worse. It's really unfair of Bella to get pissed at Edward and try to damage his property for warning her not to kill herself on this hike when she can't even walk through the woods without repeatedly tripping. quote:When we got back to First Beach, the group we’d left behind had multiplied. As we got closer we could see the shining, straight black hair and copper skin of the newcomers, teenagers from the reservation come to socialize. The food was already being passed around, and the boys hurried to claim a share while Eric introduced us as we each entered the driftwood circle. Angela and I were the last to arrive, and, as Eric said our names, I noticed a younger boy sitting on the stones near the fire glance up at me in interest. I sat down next to Angela, and Mike brought us sandwiches and an array of sodas to choose from, while a boy who looked to be the oldest of the visitors rattled off the names of the seven others with him. All I caught was that one of the girls was also named Jessica, and the boy who noticed me was named Jacob. Awww poo poo here we go. quote:It was relaxing to sit with Angela; she was a restful kind of person to be around—she didn’t feel the need to fill every silence with chatter. She left me free to think undisturbed while we ate. And I was thinking about how disjointedly time seemed to flow in Forks, passing in a blur at times, with single images standing out more clearly than others. And then, at other times, every second was significant, etched in my mind. I knew exactly what caused the difference, and it disturbed me. Time feels so disjointed because Meyer skips over huge chunks of time. It feels almost like it's been a few weeks at most if you're not paying attention to the text, but we started this book in January and it's now March. The mysterious boy Bella has been obsessing over has interacted with her about half a dozen times in 3 months and several of those conversations have been outright hostile or involved physical abuse. quote:During lunch the clouds started to advance, slinking across the blue sky, darting in front of the sun momentarily, casting long shadows across the beach, and blackening the waves. As they finished eating, people started to drift away in twos and threes. Some walked down to the edge of the waves, trying to skip rocks across the choppy surface. Others were gathering a second expedition to the tide pools. Mike—with Jessica shadowing him—headed up to the one shop in the village. Some of the local kids went with them; others went along on the hike. By the time they all had scattered, I was sitting alone on my driftwood log, with Lauren and Tyler occupying themselves by the CD player someone had thought to bring, and three teenagers from the reservation perched around the circle, including the boy named Jacob and the oldest boy who had acted as spokesperson. Oh no, not those people who mistakenly use your full name! The worst humans!  The third member of our love triangle, 16-year-old Taylor Lautner was a child actor who infamously starred in The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lava Girl in 3-D a few years earlier. He was initially interested mainly in martial arts and basketball as a child, but attended an Xtreme Martial Arts camp run by Michael Chaturantabut (the Blue Ranger on Power Rangers Lightspeed Rescue) who encouraged him to take up acting. Many of his most famous roles as a youth were flops, but he choreographed his own fight scenes as Sharkboy thanks to his martial arts talent. Possibly because of some distant Native American ancestry on his mother's side, Lautner was cast in the relatively minor role of Jacob Black in the first movie. However, Jacob goes through serious physical changes in New Moon and the studio began looking at Michael Copon (who was a Blue Ranger himself in Power Rangers Time Force) to replace him with someone with a better physique. Unwilling to give up the role, Lautner extensively weight trained until he had a body that even made Robert Pattinson jealous. His youth led to some controversy over his sudden status as an underage sex symbol, including dating Taylor Swift for a few months when he was 17 and she was 20. Lautner has led a relatively low profile life, unlike his costars who went on to bigger and better things. He had a stint on Scream Queens and Cuckoo, but he seems content to mostly coast on his Twilight millions. He even still lives with his parents and hasn't really changed his daily routine. quote:“Bella,” I sighed. Bella mentions her childhood a few times. Many of her recollections serve to reinforce that yes, she has been a giant whiny brat her entire life. quote:“Are they here?” I examined the girls at the ocean’s edge, wondering if I would recognize them now. Despite the overall importance of the Black family in the plot, Rebecca and Rachel have practically nothing to do with it. Rachel is the only one to even appear physically later on. quote:“So how do you like the truck?” he asked. “I love it. It runs great.” Remember that she was going to try and drive this thing 4 hours one way down unfamiliar highways without a cellphone in an isolated area because she was too awkward to go to the school dance. quote:I couldn’t help grinning back. “It does great in a collision,” I offered in my truck’s defense. "I almost used it to smash up this guy's car because he irritated me at school!" quote:“I don’t think a tank could take out that old monster,” he agreed with another laugh. To her credit, despite his relatively small role Meyer definitely intended for Jacob to become the real member of the love triangle instead of Mike. It doesn't seem like she suddenly changed her mind when writing the sequel. quote:“Sorry,” I laughed, “I haven’t seen any lately, but I’ll keep my eyes open for you.” As if I knew what that was. He was very easy to talk with. Is it unfair to say that Mike would probably get into a duel with them? quote:“You mean Dr. Carlisle Cullen’s family?” the tall, older boy asked before I could respond, much to Lauren’s irritation. He was really closer to a man than a boy, and his voice was very deep. Trust me, she's always been like this. quote:“Oh, I’d say that’s an understatement.” I grimaced. He grinned understandingly. I'm imagining her doing this cartoonish eye flutter. quote:As we walked north across the multihued stones toward the driftwood seawall, the clouds finally closed ranks across the sky, causing the sea to darken and the temperature to drop. I shoved my hands deep into the pockets of my jacket. Oh God she really did do that. quote:“I just turned fifteen,” he confessed, flattered. Taylor Lautner is 5'9. quote:“Do you come up to Forks much?” I asked archly, as if I was hoping for a yes. I sounded idiotic to myself. I was afraid he would turn on me with disgust and accuse me of my fraud, but he still seemed flattered.  Big ol' Sam was played by the 33-year-old Chaske Spencer (I guess once you hit 18 in Hollywood you're now generically "young adult"). He's of mixed Native American descent and grew up on the Fort Peck reservation in Montana. Like many Native Americans on reservations, he suffered from severe drug addiction and often resorted to robbery for drug money. He got a few acting roles beginning with Skins in 2002 and voiced Shadow Wolf in Red Dead Revolver, but he constantly lost out on opportunities from showing up to auditions high or drunk. He finally got clean just in time to audition for New Moon, which solidified his acting career that has continued to this day with roles on shows like Banshee, Blindspot, and Jessica Jones. He's also a Sun Dance practitioner, something that he credits with forcing himself to stay sober. quote:“What was that he was saying about the doctor’s family?” I asked innocently. This is one of the things that gets brought up as an example of Bella showing sociopathic traits. It gets much worse in the sequels, but she regularly fakes emotion to manipulate people. quote:He smiled back, though, looking allured. Then he lifted one eyebrow and his voice was even huskier than before. Hoo boy. Here we go. The Quileute are a real Native American tribe on the La Push reservation. Wolves are indeed central to their belief system; warriors once belonged to the Wolf Society, a secret society with days-long initiations and elaborate ceremonies. Only about 2000 remain and their language was considered extinct by 1999, with efforts being made to try and revitalize it among the new generation using books written by now-deceased elders. Along with her grievous misrepresentations of Quileute culture that have offended them, Meyer has also caused unexpected problems for the tribe due to her books' popularity. While Forks has seen an explosion in popularity and tourism, the natives on the reservation see little of it. People show up, sure, but most of the tourist dollars go to white residents offering tours and selling merchandise based on Quileute designs and culture. The Burke Museum even collaborated with the tribe on Truth vs. Twilight, a segment of their website dedicated to dispelling misconceptions engendered by the books and highlighting how the tribe has received little to no benefit from being used. quote:“Then there are the stories about the cold ones.” His voice dropped a little lower. I should point out that we're 124 pages into the book and have only now gotten any information on Edward being a vampire, despite the back of the book telling everyone it's a vampire love story and Edward having done overtly supernatural things constantly. quote:I stared at him earnestly, hoping to disguise my impatience as admiration. Have an appreciation for drama, Bella. quote:“So you see,” Jacob continued, “the cold ones are traditionally our enemies. But this pack that came to our territory during my great-grandfather’s time was different. They didn’t hunt the way others of their kind did—they weren’t supposed to be dangerous to the tribe. So my great-grandfather made a truce with them. If they would promise to stay off our lands, we wouldn’t expose them to the pale-faces.” He winked at me. Despite becoming a werewolf later on, at this point Jacob legitimately doesn't believe in any of the tribal legends. quote:“I’ll take it to the grave,” I promised, and then I shivered. Just some mildly racist stereotypes from the Mormon woman here. quote:I turned and smiled at him as normally as I could. I think the count of how many people in this book who don't like Bella instantly despite her ineptitude and rudeness is currently at 1. quote:“So when I get my license…,” he began. I can assure you that she doesn't feel real guilt. She spends most of New Moon continuing to manipulate Jacob for attention. quote:Mike had reached us now, with Jessica still a few paces back. I could see his eyes appraising Jacob, and looking satisfied at his obvious youth. chitoryu12 fucked around with this message at 19:38 on Sep 17, 2020 |
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Jul 3, 2019 16:24
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Hieronymous Alloy posted:Probably part of why the books inspired so much fanfiction. Even EL James looks at this and goes "I can do that. I can do better than that." And yet Stephenie Meyer blows EL James out of the water with plot, characterization, dialogue, descriptions, pacing, grammar, everything. It's not calling Meyer good, but that's literally how terrible James' writing is.
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Jul 4, 2019 00:39
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MorgaineDax posted:And yet Stephenie Meyer blows EL James out of the water with plot, characterization, dialogue, descriptions, pacing, grammar, everything. It's not calling Meyer good, but that's literally how terrible James' writing is. That’s why I wanted to start with Twilight before doing the Fifty Shades series. They started as a fanfic, so you get to see the same basic building blocks of the series and very similar characters (it’s often obvious who each person is meant to be) handled with even more ineptitude and even more overtly abusive relationships.
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Jul 4, 2019 00:55
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