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MasBrillante posted:Got some fresh content for you bbs: That facial expression and body language analysis is another recurring theme. They seem to get pleasure from any sign that someone might be unhappy, while any indication of happiness is either fake or a targeted attack on them. It's kind of exhausting to read about, I can't imagine what it must be like to spend time with this kind of person.
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# ? Jul 17, 2019 00:14 |
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# ? Apr 26, 2024 20:30 |
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Clitch posted:It is the text version of this face: Good god. That's exactly it. Those exact soulless eyes, that tight smile, the way you can sense she is putting literally every ounce of effort into making this --whether that's an outfit, a photo, or her family at the neighborhood potluck- look good. It's the same face most of my extended family has half the time, and it's the same one I see every drat day working at a tourist site. It's uncanny. DeathCrabForCutie fucked around with this message at 00:57 on Jul 17, 2019 |
# ? Jul 17, 2019 00:55 |
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What's the specific origin of that face? It looks like a FaceApp-generated smile.
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# ? Jul 17, 2019 01:22 |
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Google Christy Sheats. She would have been the darling of one of those forums in the the next decade or so.
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# ? Jul 17, 2019 01:26 |
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Crazy ex or mom? You decide! posted:Good evening everyone, Like seriously if you switch ES or ED or EC with ex it reads like really creepy obsessive poo poo from some guy's crazy ex girlfriend. Which reminds me of my mom. I always got weird creepy vibes that reminded me of an ex "nice guy" friend of mine when she'd demand to know if anything was wrong and if I was mad if I dared to have a life and not respond to a text within several hours. Keep in mind I'm a grown, married adult woman with a kid. Yet another reason I don't want to talk to her anymore.
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# ? Jul 17, 2019 01:49 |
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quote:even as we live side by side with our children and our spouses, each and every one of us has a separate and distinct recollection of our time and our lives spent together. My memories and feelings around memories are going to be different from those of each of my children and my spouse or significant other. What I might recall as “funny” or quaint, one or more of the others might recall as traumatic or harmful. Both of us are remembering the same thing and how it affected us. Neither of us are “wrong,” we are only recollecting the memory and how it affected us.
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# ? Jul 17, 2019 01:58 |
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Something else I am noticing reading these stories is that there is often a Good Child, and a Bad Child. The Good Child is sweet, submissive, subservient, always happy and smiley, and always agrees with/obeys the parent, teh Bad Child is a wilful, selfish, disrespectful, difficult, contrary hellion. And in the stories, the Good Child(tm), never takes any sort of active role, they are jsut in the background as props that support the parents argument. As much as the parents say they love them, and as much as it is shown that they favour them, they really don't seem to care about the Good Child as anything other than a thing to make them feel good about themselves, and that they are the ones in the right. Also, I would be interested to hear from the many posters in this thread that have experienced hosed up parents like this. What is it like dealing with the Good Child, when you are the Bad Child? Coz it is often just as difficult to be the one showered with (often transactional) love and affection whilst watching your sibling get shat on. Do you resent them? Do they resent you? Did they get away, or are they still caught in the parent's web? etc.
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# ? Jul 17, 2019 02:01 |
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Drunk Nerds posted:No that's my wife and she has authorized me to reopen the thread soon and I've got six months of updates. Holy poo poo, I remember that thread https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3870830. Can't wait to see how this turns out!
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# ? Jul 17, 2019 02:45 |
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gotta love all the WE DID OUR ABSOLUTE BEST EVERY TIME ALWAYS AND FOREVER poo poo because of course how could we ever once admit to even ourselves that we were anything less that perfect at all times
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# ? Jul 17, 2019 02:57 |
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BrigadierSensible posted:Something else I am noticing reading these stories is that there is often a Good Child, and a Bad Child. It's this dynamic: https://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/golden-child-and-scapegoat/ and it's a tool of abuse. You also see stories as well where the roles of golden child and scapegoat interchange when the parent is losing control of the dynamic.
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# ? Jul 17, 2019 02:58 |
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Some of the Sheep posted:It's this dynamic: https://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/golden-child-and-scapegoat/ and it's a tool of abuse. You also see stories as well where the roles of golden child and scapegoat interchange when the parent is losing control of the dynamic. it was wild to become the good child
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# ? Jul 17, 2019 03:01 |
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quote:Morgana, you’ve hit into my feelings, too. I have had enough. While my two EDs have not told me all the things I have done wrong, they ignore and ostracize me. The one ED named the babies after the other mothers (my ED didn’t bother to tell me the middle names the whole time she was pg, I was told in a generic email to everyone). That made me aware of how pitiful our relationship is and how what I am given is crumbs. I have felt like “enough” since last Christmas and I make the mistake of putting effort into gifts and it was not reciprocated, etc, etc, etc. I have not met the new babies and I decided not to bother. I am invited to visit that ED once a year, drive all morning, stay for lunch, and then leave and go to a hotel and not see any of my kids after the lunch. That is not the relationship I want for any GC I have, I want to give love. There are so many other mothers vying and pushing to be mother number one in that ED’s mix, that this two hour luncheon won’t even be a time when I get to interact much with the GC anyway. The other ED is the not nice one, she is due in a few months. She definitely inflicts pain. She’s been texting me about when am I going to see the twins, they aren’t her babies and she isn’t inviting me to stay at her house!!! I responded “why do you ask?” and refused to answer. I won’t be put in the position of being demeaned again. I won’t compete for mother number one position, that means manipulation and that is not me. So yes, here’s your validation. And yes, I do feel odd or strange or unloving about making the choice to not try with the GC. But I also feel for me, its reality, the relationship between older ED and the not so nice one and myself is one where they don’t care about ME or seem to want me in their lives. I finally feel like I have accepted reality and am protecting myself. For me, I feel like my girls don’t care about my feelings and its spitting in the wind to even bring up their ostracizing and their father’s parental alienation. BUT…. if I ever get invited to that once a year luncheon again, I think I will say no thanks, its a long ride for two hours and then being ostracized. The first time I was not invited and my not nice ED made sure to tell me I was not invited because everyone hated me. The next year, I was invited and I asked does the invite mean the weekend, spending the night at your house, and other ED said “NO” just the luncheon. Now that takes a real sense of selfishness, doesn’t it? Who does this? Dangle and invite and make someone grovel for information? I remembered this as I was making this GC decision and said, that experience was the truth, I should have given up long ago. Sorry to ramble, I validate YOU.
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# ? Jul 17, 2019 03:06 |
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quote:I am sorry you are going through this. Have you read Sheri’s book? I am thinking it would help you forgive yourself and move forward, with or without your ED. At this point, it sounds like you’ve apologized and want a relationship with ED and she is ignoring you. Perhaps take a break from all this and give it two or three months to settle down and see how you feel at that time. Giving yourself a break from thinking and obsessing over this allows you to heal a bit and see things in new light.
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# ? Jul 17, 2019 03:10 |
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Some of the Sheep posted:It's this dynamic: https://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/golden-child-and-scapegoat/ and it's a tool of abuse. You also see stories as well where the roles of golden child and scapegoat interchange when the parent is losing control of the dynamic. Is there one of these for the poo poo I got a lot? I was an only child, and generally just kept to myself and didn't get into much trouble, but my mom and sometimes even school officials just kind of treated me like I was some problem child? I swear it felt like my mom wanted to catch me doing drugs but I never did any, poo poo like that? Like yeah I don't like doing homework every night, homework sucks, doesn't mean I'm smoking the weed and going to shoot up the school OK?? Maybe it was mostly just guilt by association or something but drat that poo poo was obnoxious as gently caress. Like if you're going to treat me like I'm some child criminal either way now I feel like I'm missing out if i'm NOT doing the crimes!
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# ? Jul 17, 2019 03:19 |
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BrigadierSensible posted:Something else I am noticing reading these stories is that there is often a Good Child, and a Bad Child. I have known one or two "the good child" people and I can say without a doubt they are all extremely messed up individuals.
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# ? Jul 17, 2019 04:41 |
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The weirdest stories here are the ones where apparently they're still Facebook friends with, still talk on the phone to, and still visit their "estranged" children. What does that even mean?
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# ? Jul 17, 2019 04:58 |
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BrigadierSensible posted:Something else I am noticing reading these stories is that there is often a Good Child, and a Bad Child. I do not trust my brother to not be a pawn of my parents. He often is. Its impossible to tell sometimes and ive been stung before
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# ? Jul 17, 2019 05:00 |
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As time has gone on I've met more and more folks with worse upbringings than mine and I just want to say that every day you live apart from them and take care of yourself is another day you get one over on the people who hurt you. And one day you're gonna realize you lived free longer than you did when things were bad. I hope that day greets you warmly like an old friend. I really do wonder why there aren't as many dads or grandparents posting on this forum but I have a feeling that it just boils down to "people who'd qualify as the generations that would make these guys grandparents or dads have institutionalized toxic masculinity not giving them the language to express this kind of stuff to people outside of a close group of friends and loved ones because airing your emotions on a public forum is for women and I'm a loving man". Like fundamentally this is a forum for a book a woman wrote and...yeah. They're probably just on Facebook or hobby forums off-topic pages. e: wow the author actually addresses this point on the website. https://www.rejectedparents.net/help-for-parents-of-estranged-adult-children-a-note-to-fathers/ Vox Valentine fucked around with this message at 05:04 on Jul 17, 2019 |
# ? Jul 17, 2019 05:01 |
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Hostile V posted:I really do wonder why there aren't as many dads or grandparents posting on this forum but I have a feeling that it just boils down to "people who'd qualify as the generations that would make these guys grandparents or dads have institutionalized toxic masculinity not giving them the language to express this kind of stuff to people outside of a close group of friends and loved ones because airing your emotions on a public forum is for women and I'm a loving man". Like fundamentally this is a forum for a book a woman wrote and...yeah. They're probably just on Facebook or hobby forums off-topic pages. Yeah a big part is probably that, but also a lot of these moms were very likely the Stay at Home Mom type, either fully or partly. Their whole identity for 18-30+years was solely and exclusively SAHM to support the nuclear family and creating the perfect happy TV-esque Leave It To Beaver family that _____ would be jealous/proud of. That they "failed" is an affront to their very identity and they cannot get over that; or close to that because looks bad to the Jones, what will the neighbors/relatives think if i'm a failed mom? no! this isn't fair in a typical NPD sort of way. Also dads may still have likely more 'buds to bitch to over drinks or what not because they are more likely to have been working with co-workers and stuff for much longer; whereas SAHMs likely, either intentionally or not, alienated or broke contact with most of their real-life friends as often happens when they become 'family focused'. Xaris fucked around with this message at 05:11 on Jul 17, 2019 |
# ? Jul 17, 2019 05:08 |
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Tiggum posted:The weirdest stories here are the ones where apparently they're still Facebook friends with, still talk on the phone to, and still visit their "estranged" children. What does that even mean? All of my last posts have been from the same person, whose estrangement is apparently defined as “texting too much which I do not like.”
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# ? Jul 17, 2019 05:11 |
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Tiggum posted:The weirdest stories here are the ones where apparently they're still Facebook friends with, still talk on the phone to, and still visit their "estranged" children. What does that even mean? The adult children may have just gone low contact. That can mean only having indirect contact through the internet and one phone call a week, etc. They may just be one step away from telling the narcissistic parent to gently caress off for good. I do wonder if some of these "estranged" children have simply set and enforced healthy boundaries which their awful parents see as some sort of personal attack or disrespect. Like they'd be surprised to find out the parent considers them estranged.
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# ? Jul 17, 2019 06:16 |
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Light Gun Man posted:Is there one of these for the poo poo I got a lot? I was an only child, and generally just kept to myself and didn't get into much trouble, but my mom and sometimes even school officials just kind of treated me like I was some problem child? I swear it felt like my mom wanted to catch me doing drugs but I never did any, poo poo like that? Like yeah I don't like doing homework every night, homework sucks, doesn't mean I'm smoking the weed and going to shoot up the school OK?? Same thing happened to me, but I was the oldest child. My sister was a troublemaker and I was constantly accused of influencing her to do it. She would go out with friends, steal cars, poo poo like that, while all I ever did was stay in my room playing nintendo and reading books about whales and keeping an aquarium and poo poo. Whenever my sister did anything wrong, I got blamed for being a bad influence. I started wearing makeup in grade 11, just eyeliner, but if my mom saw me without it she claimed I had red puffy eyes and would search my room for marijuana. She never found any because I was a seriously good lame kid. I mentioned I had sleeping problems and got sleeping pills from the doctor when I was 16, and they were taken away from me so I wouldn't kill myself. My mom walked into my room while I was lying on the floor listening to music on headphones, and screamed and screamed and screamed because she thought I did kill myself. I wasn't allowed to see the guy I was dating when I was 17 because she didn't trust me to not fall for an abuser like she did, and when I tried to get her to meet him by bringing him over, she threatened to call the cops because she thought I was trying to get him to murder her. I ended up leaving home at 17 by calling a cab in the middle of the night to go to his place when I hadn't been allowed to leave the house for over a month "for my own protection" which solidified the idea I was wild, no good, crazy, and hated everyone who 'cared about me'. I'm still with the same fuckin guy 20 years later and while she claims to adore him, gets really jealous of him and rude when I do things with him and not her. Well, up until just over a year ago. I haven't spoken to her since March last year and it's been pretty drat nice.
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# ? Jul 17, 2019 06:20 |
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I think some of the missing fathers from the message board, are the victims of abuse themselves, and either have Stockholm Syndrome, or know drat well why their kids don't call.
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# ? Jul 17, 2019 06:22 |
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Bobbie Wickham posted:I think some of the missing fathers from the message board, are the victims of abuse themselves, and either have Stockholm Syndrome, or know drat well why their kids don't call. quote:
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# ? Jul 17, 2019 06:31 |
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Oh, I hope she does leave his rear end, so he can rebuild his life without her.
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# ? Jul 17, 2019 06:38 |
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Light Gun Man posted:Is there one of these for the poo poo I got a lot? I was an only child, and generally just kept to myself and didn't get into much trouble, but my mom and sometimes even school officials just kind of treated me like I was some problem child? I swear it felt like my mom wanted to catch me doing drugs but I never did any, poo poo like that? Like yeah I don't like doing homework every night, homework sucks, doesn't mean I'm smoking the weed and going to shoot up the school OK?? Oh poo poo that's the story of my goddamn life at home and beyond. (Which tbf does make me wonder if it's me on some level or at least my way of speaking or mannerisms.) Like as a kid I was beyond terrified of doing anything remotely wrong as I knew my mom would lose her poo poo. Even though I very rarely did anything really remotely bad outside of not always doing my homework if I didn't understand it. I had at least two times as a kid where my mother instantly believed others saying really bad lies about me. The only way I got out of it was being smart enough to have her look for proof which of course was always that I was practically a goddamn saint. Not that I ever got an apology for those or other times she instantly decided I was Satan instead of the terrified pussy my cousin reminded me I was a few years back. I mean my mom was so eager to believe I was poo poo in 6th grade a 13 and 14 year old kid who got suspended for messing with me (because a pair being that old in 6th grade are clearly rocket scientists..) one of them called her during the day pretending to be from the school saying I was doing poo poo. Yeah it was the 80s so no caller Id or whatever but why the gently caress would a school do such a call in the first place instead of setting up a meeting or mailing a letter or giving me detentions or whatnot? Yet my mom believed one of these idiots and I had to get her to call the school the next day just to prove my own innocence! No apologies when like other times (so many times) I was proven to have done nothing wrong. Yet each and every time I was always wrong until proven innocent and not a single apology. No wonder I have no self esteem or sense of self worth. If your own mother instantly decides you did the worst thing in any situation all the goddamn time it makes it real hard to feel any pride or confidence when it's clear nobody else thinks you are anything but poo poo. You start putting up walls just to not get hurt by anyone else. You expect everyone to think you are the worst so why even try to reach out or do the right thing other than because its the right thing. Course she was also one of those people who more or less said I better only date a person of my same nationality but opposite gender otherwise I would be disowned which doesn't exactly bode well for anything else she might have said ever. Captain Rufus fucked around with this message at 07:25 on Jul 17, 2019 |
# ? Jul 17, 2019 07:22 |
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Glad it wasn't just me. Well, not glad, that sucks others had to deal with that too. But I feel a sense of solidarity. Thanks goons.
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# ? Jul 17, 2019 09:53 |
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I suppose it wouldn't fit with the kind of people that post this poo poo, but there are a lot of clingy/helicopter crazy abusive parents in this thread. What about the neglectful/absent crazy parents? I suppose those people gently caress up their kids just as much, but they don't get as upset when their kids cut off contact. Nor do they write about it on the internet to try and make themselves the victim.
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# ? Jul 17, 2019 13:38 |
Captain Rufus posted:Oh poo poo that's the story of my goddamn life at home and beyond. (Which tbf does make me wonder if it's me on some level or at least my way of speaking or mannerisms.) This was me as well. Funny how my mom chilled the gently caress out eventually when she stopped doing cocaine. Another thing she did was brag about how smart I was for music, art and coding as a kid (this was in the late 90s before Learn To Code™) but I have a very vivid memory of taking our vcr apart (not like ripping it to shreds or anything, just unscrewing some stuff and fiddling) because I really liked engineering and I wanted to know how things worked and she found me and was apoplectic. If I was creative in any way she didn't understand I got shut down or my rear end handed to me and it led to her praising me for creativity/ingenuity and punishing me any time I exhibited those traits. My grandmother was the same way except more chill about it. I had a really nice wooden easel she gave me Christmas and I drew on it so she gave it away because I "wasn't using it properly". She did the same thing with a trainset that I lived when I was 6. ugh I spent a lot of my childhood hiding in the woods because if I made any noise in the house it's a one way ticket to getting my rear end whooped or chewed out.
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# ? Jul 17, 2019 13:54 |
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The "where are the dads?" question is something I wonder about too. I don't have kids, but I plan to. I think I've done a good job picking a partner who would never be as toxic as the women in this thread, but reading all this makes me paranoid. My wife's mother is someone she's low-contact with (as are most of her siblings towards their mother). At her worst moments, my wife can be judgemental and unable to understand points of views other than her own. But these are like silent farts compared to her mother's F5 winds of judgement and sociopathy. But then again I'm sure the silent dads in these stories are guys who see exactly what's going on with their kid's estrangement but have concluded confronting it would be a threat to a marriage they're comfortable in and has a greater impact on their day-to-day lives than if their adult son calls once a week or once a year. And, if I'm being honest with myself, avoiding confrontation and choosing not to rock the boat is absolutely a tendency I can and have indulged. Maybe I need to take a break from this thread lol
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# ? Jul 17, 2019 15:14 |
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Tiggum posted:The weirdest stories here are the ones where apparently they're still Facebook friends with, still talk on the phone to, and still visit their "estranged" children. What does that even mean? There is a huge amount of variability, but in many unhealthy dynamics, you'd be surprised at the high degree of regular contact the estranged parent might typically demand, including daily or semi-daily phone calls/visits, extended stays during the holidays, and never ever prioritizing something else over time with them. A lot of these individuals would prefer multi-generational households that would allow them to exert control and influence over the entire family dynamic, and anything less than that is considered simply insufficient and even cruel.
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# ? Jul 17, 2019 15:36 |
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Not me, but my mother in law has a narcissistic dad. She finally went no-contact with him a couple of years ago, and still feels bad about it. I've been assuring her it's the right thing to do. He wrote all of us out of his will and then tried to kill my father in law with a tractor last year. Fun times.
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# ? Jul 17, 2019 15:36 |
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sithwitch13 posted:He wrote all of us out of his will and then tried to kill my father in law with a tractor last year. Fun times. You can’t just sneak this little nugget of WTF and peace out
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# ? Jul 17, 2019 16:11 |
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The Bramble posted:Maybe I need to take a break from this thread lol You and me both, friend. It finally dawned on me last night that my first therapist might have reported my mom for child abuse, which would explain why I suddenly stopped seeing him, why she seemed so angry when she told me I wasn't seeing him again, why I had to talk to a social worker at school for two years (which none of my siblings did), and maybe even why that therapist was so detached when my younger sister saw him later. My mother would legit scare other adults, including the elementary school at teacher who bullied all the students--I dearly wish I could've been there for that.
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# ? Jul 17, 2019 16:28 |
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Bobbie Wickham posted:You and me both, friend. It finally dawned on me last night that my first therapist might have reported my mom for child abuse, which would explain why I suddenly stopped seeing him, why she seemed so angry when she told me I wasn't seeing him again, why I had to talk to a social worker at school for two years (which none of my siblings did), and maybe even why that therapist was so detached when my younger sister saw him later. My mother would legit scare other adults, including the elementary school at teacher who bullied all the students--I dearly wish I could've been there for that. I had CPS sent to my house as well, and my parents were enraged over it. They really only take action in the worst of the worst cases though.
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# ? Jul 17, 2019 16:30 |
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For all I complain about my mom, my dad was far worse and he's been semi-absent since I was 8 and fully cut off since I was 16. When my mom was in high school she had some bffs she grew up with and they all wanted kids that would also grow up together. So she got pregnant by means of her weed dealer, some scummy dude in his late 20s. Her very Catholic parents found out and they were forced to marry so their daughter wouldn't have a child out of wedlock. He was really abusive and finally divorce happened when I was 8 and he tried to kill her one night. I witnessed the whole thing. I saw him twice a year after that until I got sick of excuses and stopped calling him at 16. Didn't seem to bother him much because I didn't hear from him again for years until he got hold of my e-mail address somehow and would send me e-cards about how great it is to have a daughter. I ignored them for a while until one night I got black out drunk at a friends house nd was telling my life story, got really angry and wrote a huge email to him telling him how much my childhood hosed me up. He responded with "I'm sorry you're upset but" lol Quite a few years later it turned out my sister added him to facebook which I wasn't aware and I made some snide remark on a post referencing him and he. Lost. His. poo poo. On me. I got dm after dm about how I'm horrible, my mom was horrible, he never did anything wrong, blah blah blah. That being said, my in-laws are amazing and I love them very much and I'm honored to be a part of their family. They've been my primary family for 20 years and wouldn't have it any other way.
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# ? Jul 17, 2019 16:32 |
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There Bias Two posted:I had CPS sent to my house as well, and my parents were enraged over it. They really only take action in the worst of the worst cases though. My mother preemptively told all of us that if CPS was ever called on her that we'd better be dead - this was after I confided in a guidance counselor that all the screaming at night is why I wasn't able to complete my homework and why I tensed up and cried when asked about it by a teacher. The school did me a real service by calling to ask my mom if that was true. Also, I'm going to take a cue from another poster in here and schedule some therapy. Thanks thread!
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# ? Jul 17, 2019 17:33 |
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Vonnegut Asterisk posted:My mother preemptively told all of us that if CPS was ever called on her that we'd better be dead - this was after I confided in a guidance counselor that all the screaming at night is why I wasn't able to complete my homework and why I tensed up and cried when asked about it by a teacher. The school did me a real service by calling to ask my mom if that was true. I'm sorry if I"m being dense, and if you don't want to talk about it you don't have to, but who's doing this screaming and why? Hostile V posted:As time has gone on I've met more and more folks with worse upbringings than mine and I just want to say that every day you live apart from them and take care of yourself is another day you get one over on the people who hurt you. And one day you're gonna realize you lived free longer than you did when things were bad. I hope that day greets you warmly like an old friend. Yeah I think men are just in general more likely to accept an estrangement, not necessarily due to positive reasons, more like an angry little kid taking the ball home when he loses a game of basketball. Women seem to have this unique feeling that they are entitled to be able to give "love" to their children and grandchildren, the problem being that all kinds of toxic poo poo is wrapped up in that "love". Just like a man is generally more willing to just walk out and leave children permanently, so are they more accepting of an estrangement. It's not really a positive thing, it's emotionally stunted honestly
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# ? Jul 17, 2019 18:17 |
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Play posted:I'm sorry if I"m being dense, and if you don't want to talk about it you don't have to, but who's doing this screaming and why? Oh, sorry! I think I just put that because it was multitudes. Mom screaming at Dad, Mom screaming at sister, Mom screaming at aunt. Really just the common denominator there. As for the why - usually money, or perceived slights, or just kind of the basic operating volume of communication. My wife comes from a similar household. We have not raised our voices to each other once for the whole seven years we've been together. We also solve problems by talking it out. It's nice.
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# ? Jul 17, 2019 18:24 |
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# ? Apr 26, 2024 20:30 |
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I am struggling with this right now and I simultaneously can't imagine not being in contact with my parents again but at the same time how I would ever be in contact with them again. The last straw was last summer when my wife and I were planning to visit my sister, my mom who was not included in the trip called me up to tell me she had planned my itinerary for me. When I told her I would be planning my own itinerary she hung up in tears. My dad called me back to yell at me about how I made my mom cry. Every "reconciliation" email she's sent has included some form of the language "we raised you to be too independent." I'm 37 years old
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# ? Jul 17, 2019 18:40 |