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purple death ray posted:The acronyms are pretty bad tho I keep spontaneously thinking of Erectile Dysfunction and Earth Sciences.
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Jul 22, 2019 22:47
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The "You never call me!" tantrums are great. Especially from the ones that Facebook stalk their grown children, their spouses, and the spouses' families.
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Jul 22, 2019 23:11
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Prester Jane posted:I mean my reaction to the abuse was to go find a bunch of similarly abused/dysfunctional young white makes and form a doomsday otherkin cult. We were very literally and very directly proto-chuds, right down to the haircuts and clothing choices. Don't believe me, then check out mr. Proto-altright himself Sean Kennedy- a man who would absolutely be leading the modern alt-right /IDW political scenes if he hadn't come 20 years too early: I was into this dude's stuff years ago. I don't remember a whole lot of it anymore but I don't recall the content itself being particular lovely about like, race or anything? Maybe the forums were, I didn't really go there. There was certainly the paramilitary vibe going on though. Dude just seemed like he wanted to be a nerd / get mad about stuff mostly, in my dim recollection. It has certainly been awhile maybe I'm forgetting something major? I think mostly I just listened to the punk radio station lol
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Jul 23, 2019 00:01
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Light Gun Man posted:I was into this dude's stuff years ago. I don't remember a whole lot of it anymore but I don't recall the content itself being particular lovely about like, race or anything? Maybe the forums were, I didn't really go there. There was certainly the paramilitary vibe going on though. Dude just seemed like he wanted to be a nerd / get mad about stuff mostly, in my dim recollection. It has certainly been awhile maybe I'm forgetting something major? Sean Kennedy wasn't racist, but by and large neither were militant internet atheists at the time. Racism becoming incorporated into this sort of esgelord material was an addition that didn't really start taking off till halfway through the Obama years. Sean Kennedy was more into Dungeons & Dragons influenced paramilitart LARPing than Turner's Diaries influenced paramilitary LARPing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sez9My-SdnQ
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Jul 23, 2019 02:25
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Ugh, reading through a lot of this and a lot of those RP posts read like the stuff my dad has either emailed to other people about me or directly sent me. I've spent a lot of time excusing him because of his mental health, substance abuse, and to an extent because my grandma and aunt (his mom and sister) have always pushed me to even when they agree he's really out of line. A bombardment of "yes, he shouldn't have called you a whore and failure for taking that internship but he just cares" texts and talks will wear you down after a while. Now he's not talking to anyone because my grandma won't let him live with her again. He is 50 and has maybe spent a total of 10 years after turning 18 living on his own in some capacity. I'm in my early 30s and have lived on my own longer than he has.
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Jul 23, 2019 02:28
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Prester Jane posted:Sean Kennedy wasn't racist, but by and large neither were militant internet atheists at the time. Racism becoming incorporated into this sort of esgelord material was an addition that didn't really start taking off till halfway through the Obama years. Sean Kennedy was more into Dungeons & Dragons influenced paramilitart LARPing than Turner's Diaries influenced paramilitary LARPing: Yeah that was more what I was thinking. I wonder if any of those guys have gone off the deep end since....probably not worth looking into.
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Jul 23, 2019 02:46
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Ebola Roulette posted:
What? If you cared about your mom it shouldn't take that long.
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Jul 23, 2019 04:02
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Sierra Nevadan posted:What? If you cared about your mom it shouldn't take that long. All kinds of stressful situations could lead to this. And it would be exhausting if in addition to that stress, your mother decided autonomously that you must not love her. Especially if this is the first time. Now, these bitter abusers who have been cut of from their narcissistic supply are going to fill up this person’s head with detailed imaginaries of her son flat out hating her. It is obvious that a lot of “estrangement” starts off by people catastrophizing when their relationship with their adult offspring doesn’t match up with their expectations. They set fire to all their relationships and then spend years seething that these people keep them at arm’s length. And rather than striving to be patient and close that distance by respecting articulated boundaries and talking through their feelings, they prefer to get online every single day and write lengthy tirades about how impersonal text messages and pictures of their grandchildren are. I’m sure every single person doesn’t start off at 100 on this board but there is something universally hosed up in the rationale that gets them there and keeps them.
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Jul 23, 2019 04:40
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If they had a normal relationship, it wouldn't take that long. When you dread contact with your parents because every interaction is an opportunity for them to treat you like poo poo, yeah, you push off those phone calls. People like this also tend to exaggerate their problems, so that "four weeks" could in reality be one week or even a day. Narcissists are full of poo poo and will often say whatever to make themselves look good. Reality is much more pliable for them.
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Jul 23, 2019 04:40
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AuntBuck posted:If they had a normal relationship, it wouldn't take that long. When you dread contact with your parents because every interaction is an opportunity for them to treat you like poo poo, yeah, you push off those phone calls. People like this also tend to exaggerate their problems, so that "four weeks" could in reality be one week or even a day. Narcissists are full of poo poo and will often say whatever to make themselves look good. Reality is much more pliable for them. The woman I was posting quotes from posts about her “children” and their “infliction of pain” every day which begs the question: do they contact her daily to be lovely in which case that is not estrangement or does she just ruminate obsessively over between one and five events that happened over the course of a decade that no one else remembers except for her husband with Stockholm Syndrome? I know what my bet is.
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Jul 23, 2019 04:43
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Yeah I was rolling my eyes at all the "pain" of having to deal with things like receiving a gift with your grandchild's name on it. I don't know if that's the same woman, but reacting like she was given kryptonite is so WTF. She was given a heartfelt gift by her family, but her grandchild's name being on the object ruins it because... Narcissist logic. You made a great point about how exhausting these people are. Always ruminating. It's also really disgusting how little sympathy or empathy they have for their pregnant daughters or parents with young children. Or really anyone with their own life. Spend your life driving people away and you get to be lonely when you're old. I want to know what that gift was that was ruined by having a child's name on it.
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Jul 23, 2019 05:13
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From now on I’m only going to post different narcissists. This is a new one. quote:My husband and I have been together for 30 years. Our oldest daughter hasnt spoken to me in three months over a gift for her. Some day when I have more time to explain, I would like to get everyone’s take on that. She was a wonderful young child but when she became a teenager, she changed. I would say she is narcissistic. We were always there for our children in every way possible. I’m dealing with the why is she so disrespectful to me still after all these years. (Teenager to now mid 20s) People will just assume she is that way because I allowed it but when I tried to stop it our house was not peaceful. My husband was not supportive because she was always a high achieving person and thought I need to let things go. He would also say “that’s how she is”. Both are very competitive people and match better personality wise. So, of course, now she only will speak to him and he gloats about it. So that is what I’m dealing with on top of the estrangement. I’m struggling. quote:I bought my ED a DVD player so she could watch home videos of HER that I had recently converted to DVDs. I gave this gift to her in person when we were up for her wedding. I asked a couple weeks later if the DVD player worked well and she claimed it was broken. I immediately bought her a new one online and had it sent to her. I paid for her to ship the other one back to me so I could receive a refund before the return policy date was up. She sat on it for 10 days with every excuse on why she hadn’t had time to return it. I know for a fact she had time because I knew she had been home long enough to return a package in a 10 day span. I called her finally to inquire about it, and she laid into me pretty hard. Probably the worst statements that have ever come out of her mouth towards me. When she finally decided to send it back, she sent it back with one of the DVDs still in it with no packing material surrounding the DVD player banging around inside. The irony of it all, the DVD player worked! I just don’t understand.
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Jul 23, 2019 05:16
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AuntBuck posted:Yeah I was rolling my eyes at all the "pain" of having to deal with things like receiving a gift with your grandchild's name on it. I don't know if that's the same woman, but reacting like she was given kryptonite is so WTF. She was given a heartfelt gift by her family, but her grandchild's name being on the object ruins it because... Narcissist logic. You made a great point about how exhausting these people are. Always ruminating. It's also really disgusting how little sympathy or empathy they have for their pregnant daughters or parents with young children. Or really anyone with their own life. Spend your life driving people away and you get to be lonely when you're old. Yep that one was the same woman. She decided she would rather not have a relationship with her grandchildren than endure the indignity of not being invited for dinner after eating lunch at her (months postpartum) daughter’s house whose husband she admits to having hated and objected to her daughter marrying.
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Jul 23, 2019 05:20
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Antivehicular posted:Who sees their wine glass being topped up and keeps thinking "oh, never mind how much I've drunk at this point, clearly I'm still on my first glass?" Serious alcoholics and/or people with major cognitive deficiencies, right? The story sounds to me like the poster is pissed off because her friend she used to get drunk with realised that she had a problem and said something like "if you're still drinking then I probably can't see you because I don't have the self-control to not join in." The poster's heard that and instantly gone full defensive like "I don't even drink that much, you and my husband both drank way more than me and anyway I was only drinking whatever you gave me and you can't blame me for you being an alcoholic!" In the glass of wine being refilled situation she admits that she was already drunk (and that's why she didn't notice it being topped up), and she probably uses the "fact" that her friend and husband supposedly drink more than she does as an excuse for her own drinking. Like "Yeah, I got drunk, but not as drunk as they did, so it's not that bad." Now she's pissed off because her friend undermined that excuse.
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Jul 23, 2019 06:32
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No no she noticed it was getting topped up, she just didn't see it happen.
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Jul 23, 2019 06:56
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quote:When the E first started happening, I made a comparison comment that the E was similar to when my dad was diagnosed with Dementia, I had to say goodbye to the father I always knew. When he died, I had to say goodbye again. Same thing with my ES. quote:I haven’t been on for a wee while, as we have had a shocking and horrible massacre here in my little town. 50 Muslim folk were slaughtered as they prayed, and many were injured. The youngest was only three years old. Our Prime Minister has shown the world how our country has embraced and comforted the families of the injured and slain. We have all come together as one people – our indigenous folk, other religions, other races – we have all hugged and cried and shown only love. oh
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Jul 23, 2019 08:19
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What a nice world it would be if "just ignore them" was the harshest hate crime.
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Jul 23, 2019 09:47
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If it takes you 4 weeks to call someone you care about back, you dont care about them at all. Hth.
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Jul 23, 2019 09:49
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Yolomon Wayne posted:If it takes you 4 weeks to call someone you care about back, you dont care about them at all. So how many of your kids are estranged?
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Jul 23, 2019 10:11
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MasBrillante posted:From now on I’m only going to post different narcissists. This is a new one. quote:I bought my ED a DVD player so she could watch home videos of HER that I had recently converted to DVDs Ahahah this is great. Why would you not want to watch DVDs of yourself?? Why no I'm not a narcissist why do you ask?! Also maybe she doesn't want to be reminded of things from her past.
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Jul 23, 2019 10:34
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"She started screaming things like 'you're constantly in my rear end' and 'this is loving WEIRD, why is our relationship like this' but idk why, the DVD player worked."
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Jul 23, 2019 10:43
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The solution is to just send more DVDs players. Maybe there's some kind of subscription service or app that dispatches a DVD player every week?
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Jul 23, 2019 11:01
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bell jar posted:So how many of your kids are estranged? 0/0, but i know if i want to call someone, i dont need 4 weeks to find 5 minutes. You can literally do that on the shitter.
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Jul 23, 2019 11:04
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I recently caught an episode of 48hrs about Casey Casin (the voice of radio in the states for a billionteen years) and the poo poo show with his second wife who is the embodiment of Estranged Woman TM and his children. Bitch literally stole his corpse and had him burried in Norway.
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Jul 23, 2019 11:55
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Yolomon Wayne posted:0/0, but i know if i want to call someone, i dont need 4 weeks to find 5 minutes. Not wanting to call someone doesn't mean you don't care about them. I can't tell you how many times I avoided calling my father just so I didn't have to hear "how nice of you to call me once in awhile" in a sarcastic tone or similar guilt-tripping bullshit. It's very easy to care about someone yet find them insufferable to deal with most of the time.
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Jul 23, 2019 12:10
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There Bias Two posted:Not wanting to call someone doesn't mean you don't care about them. I can't tell you how many times I avoided calling my father just so I didn't have to hear "how nice of you to call me once in awhile" in a sarcastic tone or similar guilt-tripping bullshit. You can love someone but you do not need to like them.
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Jul 23, 2019 13:37
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lt_kennedy posted:I recently caught an episode of 48hrs about Casey Casin (the voice of radio in the states for a billionteen years) and the poo poo show with his second wife who is the embodiment of Estranged Woman TM and his children. All that I think of when I hear his name is his hilarious meltdown over not being able to get U2's name right recorded for America's Top 40.
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Jul 23, 2019 13:51
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If you find someone that insufferable you neither love or like them and should sever. What you call "love" in this case is the feeling of not wanting to break society's expectations, which you are doing anyways so why not go all the way and 
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Jul 23, 2019 14:03
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This thread is like a rorschach test for lovely childhoods lol. If you don't understand why everyone seems to be upset, congratulations! you probably had normal parents
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Jul 23, 2019 14:19
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There Bias Two posted:Not wanting to call someone doesn't mean you don't care about them. I can't tell you how many times I avoided calling my father just so I didn't have to hear "how nice of you to call me once in awhile" in a sarcastic tone or similar guilt-tripping bullshit. If you find them insufferable BUT care about them, you bite down and pull through it to make them feel better. If you dont care about them feeling better, were back at square one. Thats hwo i see it, to each their own. I also dont see how people can claim to be "friends" with someone they interact with 2 times a year in the form of dropping a happy birthday text after seocial media networks tells them to.
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Jul 23, 2019 14:37
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I get along fine with my folks but went through some periods of not talking to them too much in my 20's and nobody had a weird meltdown about it. I dunno. Maybe not everyone has the exact same relationship or views their relationship with their parents exactly the same? I talk to my younger brother once every several months. We have a weird relationship but I don't think we hate each other.
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Jul 23, 2019 14:43
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Yolomon Wayne posted:If you find them insufferable BUT care about them, you bite down and pull through it to make them feel better. This sounds like gatekeeping bullshit mixed with a lack of understanding of how strained these sorts of relationships can be. You can't just throw out a lovely judgement and then end it with "to each their own".
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Jul 23, 2019 15:00
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Yolomon Wayne posted:If you find them insufferable BUT care about them, you bite down and pull through it to make them feel better. What are you, the Relationship Decider? Arbitrating how close people are allowed to claim to be to each other based on your personal opinion and "facts" gleaned from a one-sided internet post? You must be amazingly productive for cutting straight to your breezy hot takes without wasting time learning the context, history, or between-the-lines implications of people's lives and relationships. Your myopic, belly-button focused perspective on the wide and diverse spectrum of human relations does not equip you to be in a position of giving advice or passing judgement on people who's lived experiences and abusive childhoods have given them a radically different relationship with their parents than you are apparently capable of imagining. Simultaneously loving and hating a person is such a fundamental human experience that your attempt to paint things as black or white based on simple criteria has all the value of a tic-tac-toe champion giving a lecture to people attending a chess tournament.
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Jul 23, 2019 15:06
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The Bramble posted:What are you, the Relationship Decider? Arbitrating how close people are allowed to claim to be to each other based on your personal opinion and "facts" gleaned from a one-sided internet post? You must be amazingly productive for cutting straight to your breezy hot takes without wasting time learning the context, history, or between-the-lines implications of people's lives and relationships. That reply pissed me off as much as the narcissistic parents we're discussing in the thread.
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Jul 23, 2019 15:19
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teen witch posted:You can love someone but you do not need to like them. lollll my mom said this constantly, like anytime i tried to express “you’re my mom and you’re supposed to love me unconditionally even if i’m queer or a suicidal hormonal teenage mess or just suck at remembering to unload the dishwasher”, she was all “of COURSE i love you but i don’t have to LIKE you, and right now i don’t like you very much” (she also was really big into the idea that “saying the words I Love You” and “not hitting her kids” meant she ended the cycle of abuse. that’s another of the running themes in these posts, half these moms are like “well MY mother beat me six ways to sunday and never apologized once, but I never abandoned her, and also I vowed to never be like her as a mom, so how dare my children complain about any comparatively minor flaws of mine”) anyway then i grew up & tried to love her without liking her all the time, & she got all shocked-pikachu-face that i did things like “take a week to reply to a text bc she’s insufferable sometimes”, or “argue when she said racist poo poo”, and acted like it meant i didn’t love her now we don’t talk. wow. shocking turn of events
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Jul 23, 2019 15:32
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Yolomon Wayne posted:If it takes you 4 weeks to call someone you care about back, you dont care about them at all. My family has a lot of mental illness and I'm estranged from one of my brothers and my sister. I was also estranged from my mother when she died, because among other things, she set our house on fire right before Christmas. I do love them; it's incredibly upsetting that my siblings are mentally ill and burning their lives down around them. But I don't want to get burned anymore. I can't talk to my sister without her accusing me of trying to abuse and gaslight her, my brother won't talk to me at all. I can literally do nothing that would be productive. Yet I love them and care about them; the circumstances don't change that aspect of our relationships. Estrangement from family is really hard if you can't wrap your head around ambivalence: that you can love someone but not like them, that you want them to get help but recognize that there is literally nothing you can do to help. I argue that the ability to hold these seemingly contradictory views is actually a sign of emotional maturity and strength. Getting caught up in an All or Nothing mentality is very unhealthy; it's one on the traps that people fall into easily. You can read it with a lot of these parents: they demand the entire relationship with their children be on their terms, and any deviation from those terms is seen as betrayal and abuse. TL, DR: if you don't understand because you've never been in that situation, then keep your mind open to the idea that you don't understand because you've never been in that situation, and your sanctimonious screed on family relationships is wrong.
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Jul 23, 2019 15:47
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Sierra Nevadan posted:What? If you cared about your mom it shouldn't take that long. yeah it'd be really long and rude in a healthy relationship but 1. this obviously isn't a healthy relationship and 2. you can pretty much divine the reason why it isn't healthy from the context here, in much the same way that some befuddled dude posting about how his girlfriend stopped answering his phone calls "for no reason!!!" takes on a somewhat different light when he's posting it to /r/redpill when contact with your adult children is already strained, making sure any effort to get in touch with you is a deeply unpleasant experience and obsessing over all that they owe you as The Parent is going to lead to a lot longer than four week delays between phone calls! A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 16:29 on Jul 23, 2019 |
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Jul 23, 2019 16:16
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Reading the second one there is like watching a building imploding upon itself.
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Jul 23, 2019 16:40
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Sierra Nevadan posted:What? If you cared about your mom it shouldn't take that long. It does if you can't tolerate her for more than one phone call a month. How do you not understand this? Do the lot of you who keep coming in here all befuddled at the idea of being distant or estranged from your family, not understand what ambivalence is? That you can love someone but not want them to be a major part of your life? We're kind of hardwired to feel love towards our family, even when they're abusive and make us miserable. You can't just make yourself stop caring about your parents, even if they're terrible people who make your life difficult. Even after the house fire I loved my mother. That doesn't mean I have to let that love dictate my actions and put myself in harm's way.
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Jul 23, 2019 16:42
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Yolomon Wayne posted:0/0, but i know if i want to call someone, i dont need 4 weeks to find 5 minutes. Grats on being gross, but not being depressed/BPD/whatever? gently caress right off with this poo poo. It doesn't have to be an terrible relationship. Sometimes you're anxious and depressed and fighting with the insurance company over filling your meds takes all the emotional energy you have and you just cannot call your mom and hear her give the same advice AGAIN. I don't think this is the right thread for you, nevermind one you should be shaming people in.
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Jul 23, 2019 16:48
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