InediblePenguin posted:

Everybody look at this dumb post

Saint Drogo posted:

dude just keeps coincidentally flying into time vortexes when he leaves the US.

BrigadierSensible posted:

Not defending the crazy abusive parents at all. But boxing up childhood stuff and keeping it long after it has any use is just a thing parents do.

I haven't lived in the same country as my parents for longer than a few months at any time over the last decade, but they still have about 5-6 shoeboxes filled with my "stuff" that I have told them to throw away many times. They even have my brother and I's high school uniforms hanging in the closet up the back.

What separates them from the abusive manipulators in this thread is that they don't hold it over our heads, nor do they use the boxes as quantitative "proof" of their love etc. It's just an annoying thing that parents do. I know several people whose parents have similar shoeboxes in their garages.

Which I suppose is the point. The parents in this thread take something normal people/parents do, and then weaponize it against their children and use it as proof taht A) they did love them and give them everything they needed and the kids are therefore ungrateful, or B) the kids do not love the parents enough and here is a number to prove it

Dr. Video Games 0112 posted:

This is mostly a "Only In America" thing, because there is no clear pre-defined role of a child in a family like in Europe or Asia: additional manual labor around the farm.

quote:

Hello, everyone, I am happy to be here but sad that I am at the same time. Mine is kind of a build up to walking away.

My daughter who is 24 was a beautiful, smart, empathetic heart of gold when she was younger. When she turned 16 she ran away to her biological father (who had only seen her 4 times from the age of 4) in order to get him to send her to another state to be with a boy she met online. I was shocked and angry when I found out what had happened. She was supposed to be spending 4 weeks with her grandparents for summer vacation. I tried to stop it but was too late. I had no contact with her for months as I was kept in the dark about where she went, who she was with, etc. Finally, she calls and tells me she is in college in a specific town in this state. Any attempts at asking her for more verification ended up with her hanging the phone up and more months of no contact.
Faster forward 2 1/2 yrs. She shows up back in our lives and starts telling stories of how she had a boyfriend there that kept her hidden, abused her physically and emotionally, etc. We let her come home. Her new boyfriend asked to stay with us while he found a job, we allowed it. She disappears a month into them staying and leaves him here. I find out she’s cheating on him but her boyfriend is locking himself in his room and won’t speak to us. Finally, almost 3 weeks into this new drama, I text her and tell her to come and take care of the situation like an adult or I would tell him the truth. (He became suicidal) She shows up, starts screaming and yelling, convinces him we are all lying (guy she is cheating with is outside in her car) and she leaves. He tells us the accusations she used to stay with him and his parents so they wouldn’t send her back to me. She claims that I abused her physically and emotionally with very elaborate stories that were simply not true. Everyone is shocked. No one can believe she would say such horrible things and lie about her parents. He then tells me he is the boyfriend that she had accused of abusing her. He leaves. I hear nothing for a year. I start receiving mail at my home address to her with his last name from government organizations. I track her down and tell her I have her mail and asked her if she married him. She claims she has not and he just puts that down. Another year of lies and it comes out finally that she did marry him. She stole a credit card from his mother and spent thousands and claimed she was just out to get her because she didn’t want to be with her son anymore. A year later admits that was a lie and she really did use their cc to spend thousands.

Fast forward another year. I am trying to put the lies behind me. I tell her how it made me feel and how badly it hurt me and her dad (husband that raised her since she was 3). She claims she is sorry and states she did it because his parents found out her age and threatened to call us and have her sent back. She claimed these horrible things happened at my hand because she knew they would try and protect her. I set boundaries of what I would and would not tolerate and I tried to start again with a relationship with her. I was hurt, angry and broken but I was willing to give it chance to mend.

This most recent one was a pregnancy for the last 42 weeks. She called me 3-6 times a day to tell me about new experiences, doctor appointments, clothing, etc. I really thought our relationship had finally healed but I was horribly wrong. She claimed at first that it was twins. She claimed to be attacked by armed men and robbed and even put makeup on her face (she is trained in profession makeup) showing bruising, etc. The end of january she claims there are 3 babies and she got pregnant at 2 different times and that is why one is so much smaller and it may have developmental issues. She claimed 3 weeks ago that the midwife couldn’t find the heartbeats of the twins. She’s frantic and crying. Refusing to go to the ER even with me begging her. She stated that the doctor told her on the phone to make the decision of continuing the pregnancy or having them removed and hung up. I knew this did not sound right. I gave her the benefit of the doubt. 10 minutes later she claims she felt them kick so all was well again and drama averted. She claimed she was in the hospital being induced this past week… got to a 6 and stalled, 7 stalled, 9 stalled. Claimed her husband gave her a disease and were monitoring her. Claimed she had emergency c-section and sent me pictures of 3 babies. All a lie. Every single bit of it was a lie. She got the photos from websites and sent them to me. Elaborate stories of how sore she was, how her staples hurt and she couldn’t walk, etc. My sister did a reverse search on the pictures and found all of them, including the ultrasounds (most) were from the internet. When confronted she gets defensive and states we have no right to questions her and we crossed a line. Says “I’m sorry” and then gets angry that no one believes her now and still saying she is pregnant. Her husband contacted me after the events last night because he was confused about the situation and started telling me he’s never seen her naked, heard heartbeats, no doc appointments or midwife appointments and no proof ever. Says she locks the doors when she goes to the bathroom and refuses to be intimate with him. States she was never in the hospital at all, not once even though she had everyone believing she was there for 6 days. He is questioning the pregnancy now. When asked to show her tummy or proof she screams, yells and accuses people of being against her and demands they leave or she does. She deleted everyone, including family, from her social media accounts and blocked them including grandparents, aunts, me and her dad, etc.

I cannot do this any longer. I love my child with all my heart and soul but I cannot keep over-looking this type of behavior. It is destroying my family. I plan to purchase the book. I am hoping it will help me deal with this but I realized last night that as I lay in bed that her constant lies and drama are destroying me. The energy I spent over the last few years is exhausting, heartbreaking and destroy me physically and mentally. I hope I am doing the right thing. I sent her an email (only thing not blocked, I hope) saying I will always love her but I cannot have a relationship like this with her any longer even if she is my child. I don’t know if this is the right thing to do but I have tried talking to her, reasoning with her, getting her help, confronting her, ignoring it and nothing has worked. I don’t understand what happened. Where did it all go so wrong?

quote:

An update: She was confronted by her husband who demanded she show him paperwork and her tummy. She refused, screamed, cried, etc. Finally, she came clean. It was all a lie! Every bit of it. I am stunned, hurt, angry and even more convinced she has some type of mental health issue.

Ebola Roulette posted:

Here's a twist: the rejected parent is not the abusive crazy one.

Ebola Roulette posted:

Here's a twist: the rejected parent is not the abusive crazy one.

Clitch posted:

Yeeeeeeaaaah. That's a girl with a full-blown pathology. Poor woman.

Fun to point out, though. Look at all the details in that story. She did this specific hosed up thing in this particular way. Let me describe some other people she's done these things to, and not just MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

Prester Jane posted:

Ghost Leviathan posted:

I'm reminded of the guy in r/relationships who thought a woman having twins would have two consecutive pregnancies.

Turrurrurrurrrrrrr posted:

Sounds like something over what you could take your parents to a court of law.

Drunk Nerds posted:

That one's solid, but I still love how many of these estranged parents say, "my daughter was wonderful but in her teenage years she turned super rebellious"

SHOCKING AND UNIQUE

my kinda ape posted:

My dad is a loving saint, I've never met anyone remotely as patient as he is, it's incredible. The most level headed guy possible married to the most taxing person I've ever met.

my kinda ape posted:

Ugh, all this stuff just reminds me of my mom. She's not completely horrible all the time but probably only because me, my sisters, and my dad have all learned to push back and not allow her to easily get away with her bullshit narcissism/guilt trip tantrums. It really does help if you have the rest of your family to back you up and circle the wagons. My dad is a loving saint, I've never met anyone remotely as patient as he is, it's incredible. The most level headed guy possible married to the most taxing person I've ever met. Which in a way sucks because it's impossible to cut out my mom when she's being a lunatic without also punishing my dad somewhat.

Still not remotely as bad as a lot of people have it. I have no idea how you could retain your sanity if both of your parents were monsters.

Barudak posted:

Divorce is a magical thing

InediblePenguin posted:

Everybody look at this dumb post

quote:

Hello Dee, I’m a newbie here too, but want to say hi and send you a big hug. Our stories are similar, and I feel for you, and resonate with a lot of what you are going through.
I just re read your post. Is your daughter still married? You mention supporting her through the ups and downs of her marriage.
It made me think, in terms of if she is, maybe this is a belated “individuation”. I came across this indivuation thing somewhere else, usually adult children in their twenties. My daughter is nearly 31, but a lot of the same stuff is happening to me too with her. For individuation, read late developer haha!
I am aware I have been almost too important to my daughter, the rock, as she used to say, in our family. Another friend says “big tree to grow under”. I’m wondering if its the same for you, that she is (in the ghastly confused way they go about it of course) trying to “individuate”, to grow up and do that separation that possibly didn’t happen earlier. I’m not therapising, but this is some of the insights I’ve had about my daughter. It may not remotely resonate with you at all.
My daughter is due to have her second any minute, next week, and has also cut me off for the second time during the pregnancy. I’m not able to see my two year old grandson, and doubt i will be invited to see the baby. This is incredibly painful, and I swing between not being able to bear it, to (usually in the evenings) being able to see a bigger picture.
My daughter didn’t do teenage rebellion ( i wish she had! )…did yours? Its like dealing with a 15 year old who is nearly 31. But maybe they both have to do this without us, to prove in some way to themselves that they can actually manage without us. I don’t know. That may seem rubbish to you!
I think too sometimes this is all about other stuff they haven’t dealt with (the men/fathers) etc, and it all gets fired at us.
I also get the not wanting to be around others. My son and DIL had a baby boy two weeks ago, their second, and things are ok with them. Normally I would have shouted it from the rooftops on fb to my friends abroad etc. Haven’t put a thing up. Can’t bear to be asked about it. A good friend is having a grandaughter in a few weeks too (ED is having a girl) and I was feeling the other day, even though i have a new grandson, that it’s going to be hard to hear about it. I see grannies in shops cooing over baby girl gifts…christmas stuff…and feel like i got grandmother hood all wrong.
Anyway, a big hug to you xx

my kinda ape posted:

Still not remotely as bad as a lot of people have it. I have no idea how you could retain your sanity if both of your parents were monsters.

my kinda ape posted:

Still not remotely as bad as a lot of people have it. I have no idea how you could retain your sanity if both of your parents were monsters.

my kinda ape posted:

Still not remotely as bad as a lot of people have it. I have no idea how you could retain your sanity if both of your parents were monsters.

my kinda ape posted:

I'd sure as hell have divorced her but I'm not about to tell him how he has to live his life and I don't think he'd particularly appreciate that suggestion. It does kind of puzzle me though, to be honest. He's definitely not under her thumb or an enabler by any means.

Bobbie Wickham posted:

You're probably not the only person she's terrorized. Fun fact! Us kids had no idea that our father was being manipulated and abused by our mother, and our father thought that she saved the worst of her behavior for him.

Saint Drogo posted:

tbh that is what produced most of these parents.

Picnic Princess posted:

As long as you recognize they're monsters you can come out of it okay, I guess. It can be a lot of work to get through it if you manage to escape it.

epsilon posted:

That takes a lot of luck to not come out deeply damaged

Dr. Stab posted:

Well it takes 9 women one month to make a baby. It should take one woman 18 months to make two.

quote:

Alexandra, it is an epidemic! I have a friend at work who, like us, has a crazy meddlesome narcissistic mother who takes the opportunity to “help” her out by trashing her and her husband to her teenage daughter and two younger sons when they are at her mother’s house!

She knows my situation and she,knows I’m in a support group for estranged parents, and she knows I’m concerned that at one point her mother is hoping to take her kids to live with HER, just because she doesn’t think my friend is a good mother.

My friends kids are very active in sports, etc, and my friends mom has put herself in a position where my friend can’t live without her her mothers help! magine that! She belittles my friend, often in front of her kids and it really cripples my friend emotionally.

I know it helps her and gives her strength to confide in me, because I don’t want the same thing to happen to her…..narcissistic mom convinces kids that Mom is no good, which cripples the kids too. Joining this site has given us all a lot of wisdom that we must share!

quote:

I went to see a lawyer yesterday about grandparents rights…I would love visitation with my son’s now 1 year old who has been withheld from me. In my state, the court is very generous regarding the bond between grandparents and grandchildren, but certain criteria need to be met. Right now I don’t meet the criteria, but there is hope as legislation. keeps changing. My point is, like Morgana, I don’t think a relationship is possible nor do I want one with my adult son and DIL. I would be cordial, I would never trash them, but I would never characterize what I have with them as a relationship.

My whole issue with this is that in the past few years I have become someone I am not due to being suckd into all of this madNess. I’m much better now thanks to this site, but we all know the feeling. Sad depressed crying at odd times feeling hopeless and ashamed…..I have never done that to my children, but they seem ok with allowing me to feel that way. No conversation. No discussion.

Friends don’t treat friends like that. As a Catholic, I have already forgiven, but I am human and I don’t think I’ll ever allow them to see my vulnerable, silly happy side again. I’ll never feel comfortable letting down my guard and just being myself with them. That is not a relationship to me. So my answer is an absolute no.

quote:

Aussiemom, regarding visitation with my grandson, the state I live in is very supportive of grandparent grandchildren bonding. New legislation is adapted all of the time. It may not be this year or next year, but there is hope that at some point we will be able to petition the courts for visitation. There was a time when women couldn’t vote….now we can. I plan on working with legislators this summer to see what can be done! If any of this had not happened, I wouldn’t be on this journey!

Chairman Mao posted:

I don’t want anything to do with them but I do want access to their one year old who I have never met, hopefully I can get the law to force them to let me do this.

Chairman Mao posted:

I don’t want anything to do with them but I do want access to their one year old who I have never met, hopefully I can get the law to force them to let me do this.

quote:

Ann, my bio grandson just turned 1. I am also right now not allowed to see him as my dilfh has rules I must follow. Long story short, after my narcissistic mother offended a friend of mine of fb and I defended my friend, my dil….one of my mother’s flying monkeys….said I can no longer see him.

I have since seen a lawyer who specializes in grandparents rights. He is fabulous. Although we don’t meet the criteria to pursue visitation at this time in our state, this attorney told me that this state is very supportive of grandparent/grandchildren bonding, and legislation is always changing…

He suggested we send small gifts and cards for birthdays, Christmas, etc. to prove we have tried to maintain contact. We sent a gift a few weeks ago and expected it to be returned. Much to our surprise, we received a thank you card stating I love you signed in grandsons name.

Even though we still can’t see him, sending the gift gave us a sense of power in this situation that dilfh can’t order us to stay out of his life. We will not beg her to see him. He has never even been to our house and he lives an hour away. It just gives us hope and leverage that some day he will put our faces to the cards and gifts.

quote:

Mentally Ill control freaks or DILFH have no faith in their spouse! Sadly the husband or our sons, failed to see this until they are wrapped up in the web of deceit the DILFH is spinning. Faith means letting family members come around and having his friends over. Faith means going out with the guys and not having her call 10 times to check on him! Faith means understanding that there are others who love him just as much and want to spend time with him also. If your son has married a DILFH God help you!

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

...are they imagining the one-year-old putting together and mailing this card on the DL without his parents' knowledge?

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

...are they imagining the one-year-old putting together and mailing this card on the DL without his parents' knowledge?

quote:

Even though we still can’t see him, sending the gift gave us a sense of power in this situation that dilfh can’t order us to stay out of his life. We will not beg her to see him. He has never even been to our house and he lives an hour away. It just gives us hope and leverage that some day he will put our faces to the cards and gifts.

MasBrillante posted:

I went to see a lawyer yesterday about grandparents rights…I would love visitation with my son’s now 1 year old who has been withheld from me. In my state, the court is very generous regarding the bond between grandparents and grandchildren, but certain criteria need to be met. Right now I don’t meet the criteria, but there is hope as legislation. keeps changing. My point is, like Morgana, I don’t think a relationship is possible nor do I want one with my adult son and DIL. I would be cordial, I would never trash them, but I would never characterize what I have with them as a relationship.

My whole issue with this is that in the past few years I have become someone I am not due to being suckd into all of this madNess. I’m much better now thanks to this site, but we all know the feeling. Sad depressed crying at odd times feeling hopeless and ashamed…..I have never done that to my children, but they seem ok with allowing me to feel that way. No conversation. No discussion.

Friends don’t treat friends like that. As a Catholic, I have already forgiven, but I am human and I don’t think I’ll ever allow them to see my vulnerable, silly happy side again. I’ll never feel comfortable letting down my guard and just being myself with them. That is not a relationship to me. So my answer is an absolute no.