purple death ray posted:

I like to read these people's impotent wailing on message boards and just cackle like a supervillain

Pope Corky the IX posted:

I was attacked by a dog that belonged to one of the other kid's in our Boy Scout troop in the late 90s. I was fourteen at the time.

We eventually won a lawsuit against them because the dog and owners had a history of paying off victims of attacks. We (I) eventually got a $75,000 judgement against them, that would come in installments between me being fifteen and continuing until I received the rest at age twenty-one.

My parents decided to take the money and remodel the second bathroom in their house at $30,000, and my father to purchase a motorcycle from a family friend down in Florida (we're in New York/Long Island) for another $15,000.

I am with my spouse of seven years (second marriage) and we have nothing to show for the $75,000 that was originally mine.

Chairman Mao posted:

Don’t touch the god damned poop. Don’t touch it.

Facebook Aunt posted:

The main thing is to understand that you are there to meet the kids needs. The kid isn't there to meet your needs, and they won't.

They won't be happy they are safe and the abuse has stopped, they will be (rightfully) angry and resentful that the abuse ever happened, and they'll take it out on whoever is around.

Rockbear posted:

Sorry if this is a derail, but it felt at least halfway relevant to the thread.

Rockbear posted:

The older boy told me a couple of weeks ago that he hated me, that he wished I wasn't in his life, that he wished he could go back to live with his abuser, that he'd rather be in juvie or a mental ward than spend another day in my house, that he'd rather get the poo poo beat out of him because at least that was real, unlike these stupid rules. He was out of control and saying every hurtful thing he could think of.

Nettle Soup posted:

Doesn't everyone get that? Lying in bed at night beating yourself up over stupid irrelevant poo poo that happened a week or a month or a year ago. Not even bad moments, poo poo that seemed fine at the time but you regret in hindsight. Brains are dumb, and I guess the difference is beating yourself up over it, rather than others...

quote:

This is in response to mom2020’s thread on being abandoned by son.

Too busy
Sick of you being sick
hate

I’m wondering since your son is so justified and proud of his behavior, if an e mail of your thread should be sent to all his co-workers, a front page on his local newspaper, a copy to his girlfriend, a billboard rented with son’s picture on it and declaring that he abandoned his sick elderly mother, and he’s proud of it. Certainly there should be no objections, since he feels so justified.

Why not? He is evidently o. k. with his behavior, so he shouldn’t mind sharing such an important facet of his personality with those closest to him. Pull out the stops and get a megaphone and stand on the street corner telling the world how the person who gave him birth is not worthy of a kindness most people would show an animal.

I’m so tired of the excuses of they’ve had a hard life (some have), they needed some space, they were going through a lot at the time.

Who among us have not experienced all of the above while raising our children? How many of us stayed up all night doing something for our children while still having to go to two jobs the next day? Did we use being sick ourselves as an excuse to ignore and neglect? Some have raised children with medical problems that continued their whole lives. Did we declare we were tired of them being sick and walk away? Did we continually complain how much work our children were to our family, co workers, and friends. No we didn’t. We sucked it up and did it out of love, with all hope that better days were coming. If we didn’t many of these young people would have died, been sent to group homes, or tossed to one foster family after another. We, on the other hand, would possibly being doing jail time for child neglect and abuse.

On quite a continual basis I see in advise columns the complaints of adult children inconvenienced by elderly parents that need a prescription picked up or some small gesture as a visit or phone call. Many times the advise is referrals to government programs. Loving one’s mother is not the government’s responsibility.

I’ve seen reference to the fact that some of these children read here. Well I hope this young man does, because I for one would like him to know that he is a poor excuse for a human being, and when his behavior catches up with him, and it will, that as compassionate of a human being as I am, that I will watch and offer no help. I wish that I could say that one of your selfish friends or co workers or backstabbing relation will come to your rescue, but you see, they are:

too busy
too tired of you being sick and needy
not in need of anyone who requires any sacrifice to their needs
just like you

You see young man, you passed up the one person who would have done almost anything for you with no strings attached. You are the kind of person who makes the earth harder to live on. Perhaps I can offer you a govm’nt program?

To you mom2020, please accept the love and help from this web site—it is living proof that there are still kind people, and if a G program is all you’ve got, well? I will be praying for other sources available for you. I hope I live to see the day when these people are prosecuted for the atrocities they are causing, and there is a bright spotlight highlighting the shame they should be feeling.

With utmost desire for your well being,
Huh?

quote:

I too was a yeller. My husband absolutely would not participate in parenting. when he did, it was such a disaster that he knew I’d never ask again.He also did not want to work more than enough to provide for a roof over our heads and food in the fridge. The rest of the time he was a piller at church. He also refused to pay $200./mo. child support for 2 children from a previous marriage because “she made more at her job than he did”. I told him this was wrong from the get go. He would tell me his ex wanted to know when I was going to work. Cute, no help raising 2 children with several mental disorders (the church did not believe in mental disorders, so no treatment, and even if so we had no health, car or life ins. Guess what hubby did for a living ? I homeschooled 2 children with learning disabilities for six yrs, had 5 volunteer jobs at church , was president of home school group, oh, and he didn’t do housework. At one point, I had to go to work 35 hrs. a week to afford school supplies, then come home and teach. They begged me to home-educate them, now they are mad because that I had no choice (they did very well with it, by the way. I enjoyed being a stay at home mom for the most part, but really had no choice as he was to irresponsible to watch the children.

My husband didn’t talk—about anything. If there was a problem—he just ignored it, which is a pet peave of mine, so I had to get louder, no answer—louder. I was frustrated for crying out loud, not that it was right, but like you said wkgmom, all they hear is the yelling, so when they became teens, the favorite saying was” All she does is yell.” It also happened to get louder when I asked for the 49th time for them to do some simple thing. Funny, I wonder if the yelling would get less if they would actually DO what I was asking. Worth a shot? By the way they are, wouldn’t you know it, “abused children”, according to their lament to anyone that will listen. But it’s odd my poor abused daughter was so happy she would walk around the house singing every chance she got. She was in so many activities that I was worn out being chauffer, another one of the nothingness activities I did. When I replied that she seemed pretty happy to me, I was told “it was all an act.” When there wasn’t enough funsies in the beudua because I was in total exhaustion, husband’s job was to complain. All in all, they turned into respectful young adults I was proud of, in spite of the fact that ALL I DID IS YELL ! I wonder if that is even physically possible? Just call me Old Yeller.
Perhaps the solution is to just to DEAL WITH IT, like the rest of the world.

Nettle Soup posted:

Doesn't everyone get that? Lying in bed at night beating yourself up over stupid irrelevant poo poo that happened a week or a month or a year ago. Not even bad moments, poo poo that seemed fine at the time but you regret in hindsight. Brains are dumb, and I guess the difference is beating yourself up over it, rather than others...

Miss posted:

what's that? i should search for the word "foster" in this forum? OK


"if we didn't look after those kids [that we chose to have and they had no say in having us as parents] they would have ended up in foster care. therefore, they owe us"

i wonder why this lady's kids don't talk to her no more


screamed at your (allegedly) mentally disabled kids instead of parenting them, but that's everybody else's fault. considering this is from her own self-serving point of view, I would think the abuse was even worse
by her own admission she was interviewed multiple times by her children's social workers throughout their youth. also, not her fault

quote:

As you stated yourself, when your children had needs, you didn’t stop to wonder if you had the time or desire to fulfill their needs. Who are we, subhumans who have no right to expect a basic level of return?

quote:

I remember when my ec were teenagers and they would bring home “friends” that were kicked out of their homes because they “didn’t do the dishes”, or some other obviously silly story. I immediately told my children that no parent would do this over something so mundane, and immediately instructed these kids to go home and sent them on their way.

Miss posted:

screamed at your (allegedly) mentally disabled kids instead of parenting them, but that's everybody else's fault. considering this is from her own self-serving point of view, I would think the abuse was even worse
by her own admission she was interviewed multiple times by her children's social workers throughout their youth. also, not her fault

Light Gun Man posted:

That's really lovely. I don't have anything helpful to add, but drat, that really sucks.

THOT PATROL posted:

oof. i’ve had this lady’s profile open in a tab for awhile meaning to pull some gems & post them here. she’s really confused by the idea that, definitionally, parents do more for their children than vice versa:


she also outright brags about refusing to help other abused kids:


there’s a lot more but i’ll leave that to other posters for the moment

purple death ray posted:

I like to read these people's impotent wailing on message boards and just cackle like a supervillain, this might be an unhealthy coping mechanism but I have lived enough of this life that knowing they are alone and powerless (like they made their kids feel their entire life) brings me great joy. It's like a wasp in a glass jar banging furiously against the side. Some puny measure of justice in this chaotic world

bad posts ahead!!! posted:

those are emotional flashbacks pretty much, right?

Miss posted:

Big oof

The real mindfuck of those forums is, every time their posters post horrible poo poo like that, they never get called out, they only get replies patting their arses and agreeing how hard done by they are, and using the OP as a springboard to post their own tales of woe

Truniht posted:

This thread is a really weird Rorschach test for goons who had abusive childhoods

I’m getting a lot of triggers reading this stuff

Miss posted:

funsies in the beudua

Abusive Mom posted:

Just call me Old Yeller. 

Lysistrata posted:

I would rather get back into contact with my mother than see this misspelled expression or think about what it indicates ever again.

Truniht posted:

This thread is a really weird Rorschach test for goons who had abusive childhoods

I’m getting a lot of triggers reading this stuff

rotinaj posted:

I’m realizing all kinds of poo poo about my life reading this thread and the links provided. The emotional incest one frightened me because it’s super accurate to my life situation. So did the letter/response by the lady who would tease/bully her kids when they were young.

quote:

Im sorry I shared my feelings and disappointment about my daughters poor treatment of us with my son (who lives across the world). I was hoping for some empathy but instead he told me to re- read my text as if my daughter was reading it and think about how she’d feel. He went on to say I was toxic and I’ve sabotaged all my relationships. “Why else won’t GD talk to you Mom?”

My initial reaction was sadness that he doesn’t understand and is quick to blame me; and then I was angry. I told him how his generation overuses the word “toxic”. Aren’t people allowed to be distraught, overwhelmed, upset anymore for fear they will be tossed aside forever for having a toxic episode. I asked him what has happened to the days where your family loved you just because you were a family member, good qualities and bad qualities you knew they loved you anyway? I told him he has no right to call me toxic when he has no idea what I’ve been through and even if I had a bitchy moment and expressed how fed up I am, it does not mean I sabotage all my relationships. He did apologize however his comments have put me back into a place of loneliness and frustration. If our own children and their children don’t love us and treat us with respect- do other people assume it’s our and we must have done something terribly wrong to make our own family members hate us so. My daughters actions have caused my family to fall apart but I am ultimately the one to blame.

Ebola Roulette posted:

quote:

I asked him what has happened to the days where your family loved you just because you were a family member, good qualities and bad qualities you knew they loved you anyway?

quote:

Dear Fellow Estranged Parents,

I’m here to introduce myself as a brand new member and I’m very relieved I have found a “home” where I don’t feel I am so alone. For me, the estrangement slowly began 4 years ago after my son got married and began cutting his sister out of his life. However, it didn’t become obvious to me until a couple of years later. My son and I always had a very close and healthy relationship, and he had a special bond with his sister as well. Their loving relationship was the joy of my life. When he first met his bride-to-be, we all loved her – she was beautiful, friendly, and quickly endeared herself to us. When the new happy couple began cutting my daughter out of their lives, I didn’t think much of it as I figured they were merely adjusting to their new lives together.

After a few months of married life, my son and his wife moved to the other side of the state. I was never a “hover mother” and encouraged independence. So again, I really didn’t think much of it. Finally, I asked my son about his seemingly strained relationship with his sister, and he confirmed what my daughter had always suspected. He gave me no specific reason for cutting his sister out of his life, and was vague overall. During the following years, I occasionally mentioned to him that this strained relationship saddened me, but didn’t let him know how much it devastated me because I didn’t want this “issue” to destroy our relationship. So I tried not to make a big deal over it, figuring it would work itself out somehow. But there was always that “elephant in the room” whenever they came for any family get-togethers.

Several weeks ago, my son called me to say his wife recently had a miscarriage. I was devastated for them, as I knew they wanted a family. Later that day, I shared the sad news with his sister, and she asked whether she should reach out to him. I told her “that would make my heart smile.” I was hoping for a positive connection. After she reached out to him, my son called me to say that he did not appreciate me sharing this “confidential” information with her. I was completely gob smacked and could hardly speak. We usually end our phone conversations with a “goodbye, I love you” but I couldn’t even bring myself to utter those words. The phone pretty much fell out of my hands. He later texted me and said he was sorry if he hurt my feelings. Again, I didn’t even know how to respond. There was so much to say, and I knew I couldn’t express myself in a meaningful way over the phone, so I began writing down my feelings. After a few days, I finally responded to him by email that my feelings were not hurt by being confronted about an assumed understanding of confidentiality, but I was dismayed because of the REASON he didn’t want his sister to know… and that is, she is no longer considered to be a member of his family. I poured out my heart and soul to him because I wanted him to finally understand how much this is hurting me. Well, that was 5 weeks ago, and I haven’t heard a peep from him since then. His silence speaks volumes. Apparently, I’ve overstepped certain “boundaries” by challenging his decision to cut his sister out of his life. So, apparently, I guess I’m being cut out as well.

I’m living my life in a sort of limbo now, I feel my son has died – not physically, but emotionally. Like he’s been kidnapped by some insidious cult and was completely brainwashed. I’ve been completely blind sided by this, and don’t know how to move on. I’ve just ordered the book, “Done With The Crying” and I’m hoping to find some guidance and peace.

quote:

Im sorry I shared my feelings and disappointment about my daughters poor treatment of us with my son (who lives across the world). I was hoping for some empathy but instead he told me to re- read my text as if my daughter was reading it and think about how she’d feel. He went on to say I was toxic and I’ve sabotaged all my relationships. “Why else won’t GD talk to you Mom?”

My initial reaction was sadness that he doesn’t understand and is quick to blame me; and then I was angry. I told him how his generation overuses the word “toxic”. Aren’t people allowed to be distraught, overwhelmed, upset anymore for fear they will be tossed aside forever for having a toxic episode. I asked him what has happened to the days where your family loved you just because you were a family member, good qualities and bad qualities you knew they loved you anyway? I told him he has no right to call me toxic when he has no idea what I’ve been through and even if I had a bitchy moment and expressed how fed up I am, it does not mean I sabotage all my relationships. He did apologize however his comments have put me back into a place of loneliness and frustration. If our own children and their children don’t love us and treat us with respect- do other people assume it’s our and we must have done something terribly wrong to make our own family members hate us so. My daughters actions have caused my family to fall apart but I am ultimately the one to blame.

LadyPictureShow posted:

Kids these days!

I'd say it's because people have wisened up and decided 'poo poo, I don't have to be shackled to these people just because we're ~family~'

Ebola Roulette posted:

My son's wife suffers a miscarriage and they confide in me but I'm going to make it all about me andgossip share the news with his estranged sister and tell her to reach out because it would make me happy. I'm then going to send my son a long email whining about how I wasn't allowed to tell his estranged sister his personal business and how it hurt me. Once again it's all about me and my feelings and wait why am I estranged now?! What did I dooooo? Oh he must be brainwashed there's no other explanation

Ebola Roulette posted:

My son's wife suffers a miscarriage and they confide in me but I'm going to make it all about me andgossip share the news with his estranged sister and tell her to reach out because it would make me happy. I'm then going to send my son a long email whining about how I wasn't allowed to tell his estranged sister his personal business and how it hurt me. Once again it's all about me and my feelings and wait why am I estranged now?! What did I dooooo? Oh he must be brainwashed there's no other explanation

Ebola Roulette posted:

My son's wife suffers a miscarriage and they confide in me but I'm going to make it all about me andgossip share the news with his estranged sister and tell her to reach out because it would make me happy. I'm then going to send my son a long email whining about how I wasn't allowed to tell his estranged sister his personal business and how it hurt me. Once again it's all about me and my feelings and wait why am I estranged now?! What did I dooooo? Oh he must be brainwashed there's no other explanation