The fake jobs you wish you had

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > The fake jobs you wish you had

«‹›2 »

Christoph

mystery-solving cat. Likely I would be owned by a sassy young librarian with a nose for trouble.

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Sep 1, 2019 04:52

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 21, 2024 15:38

Jedrick: There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high-powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.
Smoke weed every day.

toilet tester

# ? Sep 1, 2019 06:45

SardonicTyrant: BTICH IM A NEWT
熱くなれ夢みた明日を
必ずいつかつかまえる
走り出せ振り向くことなく
&

I want to invent a chocolate that doesn't kill dogs. No living being should be denied chocolate.

# ? Sep 1, 2019 23:54

SardonicTyrant: BTICH IM A NEWT
熱くなれ夢みた明日を
必ずいつかつかまえる
走り出せ振り向くことなく
&

You know how sometimes you wake up at 2 in the morning, still pretty high, and you have a question you need answered immediately?

My job is answering those questions. I've got an iv drip of thc keeping me high all day while I solve the questions that vex stoners everywhere.

# ? Sep 3, 2019 00:48

DB Pooper: by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

SardonicTyrant posted:

I want to invent a chocolate that doesn't kill dogs. No living being should be denied chocolate.

Inventing one thing is not a job.

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Sep 3, 2019 07:19

Heather Papps: hello friend

DB Pooper posted:

Inventing one thing is not a job.

if it takes ur whole life tho

thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

# ? Sep 3, 2019 13:11

Ceilingfan: Dapperpus

I want a job wher I drive a golf cart down a huge hill and then ride a ski lift back up

# ? Sep 4, 2019 04:12

ToxicSlurpee: -=SEND HELP=-

I want to be a mystery shopper shopper. I mean you have to keep mystery shoppers on their toes so I'll shop for the mystery shoppers to find the best ones.

I'm sewage flavored.

# ? Sep 4, 2019 04:16

Korean Boomhauer

i want to be the guy who chooses the genre for games on Steam, because the old one got a different job

# ? Sep 5, 2019 03:51

TremorX: All Hail Big Hairy Mike

I want to host a game show but there's no prizes and it's not on TV, just outrageous games and giant wheels

# ? Sep 5, 2019 16:04

SardonicTyrant: BTICH IM A NEWT
熱くなれ夢みた明日を
必ずいつかつかまえる
走り出せ振り向くことなく
&

Korean Boomhauer posted:

i want to be the guy who chooses the genre for games on Steam, because the old one got a different job

Uh, the title of the thread says fake jobs.

# ? Sep 6, 2019 00:16

nut

i don't wanna pick the mannequins, i don't wanna pick the clothes on the mannequins, but i do want to get to decide how many extra arms each one gets

# ? Sep 6, 2019 02:24

DeathCrabForCutie: oh fuc-

Bee socializer

sig by Pot Smoke Phoenix!

# ? Sep 6, 2019 19:00

Dungeon Ecology

life enjoyer

# ? Sep 7, 2019 00:53

Heather Papps: hello friend

Dungeon Ecology posted:

life enjoyer

pain avoider

thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

# ? Sep 7, 2019 01:18

treasure bear

Postman

# ? Sep 7, 2019 01:22

Heather Papps: hello friend

treasure bear posted:

Postman

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HiFNt8nGffA

thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

# ? Sep 7, 2019 01:25

Riatsala: All Princesses are Tyrants

I would be a movie architect where all you do is stand around well lit studios looking at models and diagrams with your young, sophisicated coworkers while an unbearable sense of sexual tension hangs like a cloud over everyone of us.

# ? Sep 7, 2019 04:39

ToxicSlurpee: -=SEND HELP=-

Dungeon Ecology posted:

life enjoyer

...me too.

:smith:

I'm sewage flavored.

# ? Sep 7, 2019 06:15

Jedrick: There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high-powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.
Smoke weed every day.

pants destroyer

# ? Sep 7, 2019 06:45

FreshCutFries

treasure bear posted:

Postman

# ? Sep 7, 2019 10:13

Escape From Noise

treasure bear posted:

Postman

...Starring Kevin Costner!

# ? Sep 7, 2019 11:15

lost my old email

hello i would like to be a mothra i would be just & ethical in my massive destruction of 1/30th scale cities please do

SmokaDustbowl posted:

https://twitter.com/sattou0/status/1133778844748460033

SardonicTyrant posted:

I want to invent a chocolate that doesn't kill dogs. No living being should be denied chocolate.

i have been thinking recent that when a queen ant bites off her own wings in must be like the most satisfying zit pop of all time combined with eating the finest of steaks to her perspective

_{_{_{_{_{_{woooooo tiny shout out to deaf sex woooooooo it is spooky and i should have slept more posting up a storm this night wooooooooooooo i say. tiny shout out to mocking quantum also that guy rules. whoooooooooooo}}}}}}

# ? Sep 7, 2019 12:05

Fenrir: I found my kendo stick, bitch!

I'm a Licensed Cat Petter. They pay me six figures to kinda go wherever and if I see cats, I pet the cats. Maybe give them a couple of treats if I have some.

I'm also allowed to pet dogs, but if there's a Licensed Dog Petter in the area I don't wanna encroach on his business, and vice versa.

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Sep 7, 2019 19:06

Heather Papps: hello friend

father fucker

thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

# ? Sep 7, 2019 19:49

Stoner Sloth

telling dogs that they are good (/handsome/sweet/the bestest/etc) bois and gals and then getting to pet and play with and give treats to them all

i think i should be on at least 6 figures for this important work

sigs by the awesome Manifisto, Vanisher, City of Glompton, Pot Smoke Phoenix, Nut, Heather Papps,Prof Crocodile, knuthgrush, Ohtori Akio, Teapot, Saosyhant, Dumb Sex Parrot, w4ddl3d33, and nesamdoom!! - ty friends!

# ? Sep 8, 2019 02:35

nut

Professional Duane

# ? Sep 8, 2019 03:13

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

**person out of breath on my front porch**

We... need... **pant** **pant** you to... pet a bunch of **pant** **pant** kittens **collapses onto porch, gently spilling out kittens that need me to pet them**

# ? Sep 8, 2019 03:29

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

Something not to do with ham. :negative:

# ? Sep 8, 2019 04:12

Goons Are Gifts

Splatmaster posted:

**person out of breath on my front porch**

We... need... **pant** **pant** you to... pet a bunch of **pant** **pant** kittens **collapses onto porch, gently spilling out kittens that need me to pet them**

# ? Sep 8, 2019 11:15

Heather Papps: hello friend

you guys seem the last starfighter?

i wanna be a last starfighter.

thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

# ? Sep 8, 2019 15:12

SardonicTyrant: BTICH IM A NEWT
熱くなれ夢みた明日を
必ずいつかつかまえる
走り出せ振り向くことなく
&

There's an arc of Golgo 13 I only half remember where there's this old German resistance fighter who's going senile and thinking he's a nazi, and Golgo shoots him in such a way that he survives but it kills the nazi personality.

I want to do that, but for boomers. Shoot the boomer out of old people. Nonlethally. Through absurd anime gun skills.

SardonicTyrant fucked around with this message at 03:15 on Sep 9, 2019

# ? Sep 9, 2019 03:07

nut

008 because ur just always on retainer and i assume u sitll do the same cool stuff drive cars drink and see gadgets now that i think about it its kind of like my life now but instead of Q's wacky gadgets im mostly looking at corona beach towels and twisty straws at spencers gifts

# ? Sep 9, 2019 03:15

Escape From Noise

Heather Papps posted:

you guys seem the last starfighter?

i wanna be a last starfighter.

You're gonna have to wait a bit.

# ? Sep 9, 2019 04:23

Baller Ina: :whattheeucharist:

A dream warrior. I battle the nightmares for all mankind. Obviously I'll have to sleep a lot but that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. In the line of duty.

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Sep 9, 2019 07:07

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 21, 2024 15:38

SardonicTyrant: BTICH IM A NEWT
熱くなれ夢みた明日を
必ずいつかつかまえる
走り出せ振り向くことなく
&

You know how in the Mission Impossible movies has a different way of telling Ethan Hunt his mission?

I want to be the guy that programs the sci-fi sunglasses with the mission or whatever.

# ? Sep 9, 2019 23:50

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > The fake jobs you wish you had

«‹›2 »