mllaneza posted:

No, but they are polite. I hated sending them as a child, but I wish I had gotten the habit now that I'm an adult. Recommend them, don't force them.

Ghost Leviathan posted:

There's something about boomers in particular having completely destroyed what they consider to be good manners by making it something their kids feel like they're being forced to do at gunpoint.

smore of babylon posted:

edited as per request

I would blow Dane Cook posted:

There's some powerful boomer energy in this AARP article:

https://www.aarp.org/home-family/friends-family/info-2019/habits-that-annoy-kids.html

quote:

Judith Newman does not have a clue. She is simply a writer that can put two words together. She has a lot of people pissed off at RejectedParents.net. If you really need help with this subject, please get the book ‘Done With the Crying’ by Sheri McGregor. She can really help you. Estrangement is becoming an epidemic with adult children in today’s world. PLEASE DO NOT subscribe to ‘the walk on eggshells’ theory that Judith writes about and throw her article in the TRASH!

quote:

JUDITH NEWMAN - IF YOU ARE OUT THERE, PLEASE CONTACT ME, I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW WHY YOU WROTE THIS HORRIBLE ARTICLE TO MAKE PARENTS FEEL WORSE...

quote:

What is the definition of FAMILY? To me it means love, caring, acceptance, respectfulness, helping one another, being there for one another and forgiveness when needed. . This article is everything that goes against that.

Hate is a very strong word. This article is a "slap in the face" to our senior generation.

I was there when my parents aged. I took care of them. I listened to them and their advice out of respect. I thought perhaps, there was something I could glean from their life experiences. If not, it didn't hurt me to listen. Being a parent myself, I realized raising a child into adulthood is rewarding, but difficult at times. I was appreciative for all they did for me, and I knew they did the best they could. So in their "golden years", I would NEVER turn my back on them for any reason. That's where the love, respect and compassion comes in.

I lost them several years ago and never regretted a minute of the time I spent listening to them. helping them and being there for them whenever they needed me. Aging is difficult, AND it can be lonely while everyone else rushes around doing "their own thing." These adult children will someday be in their parents shoes, and only then they'll get it.

Or maybe not. Society today is narcissistic, self-centered and everyone wants to be a victim. So I say to you, parents of adult children...at your age you don't need to "walk on eggshells". If they aren't mature enough to accept you the way you are and appreciate all the years you gave them, the problem lies within them. Enjoy the years you have left without having some article tell you how you OUGHT to be. I would like to see an article written about adult children and how they should relate to their aging parents with love, caring, acceptance, and respectfulness.

quote:

Wow, just what us parents need, another unjustified blow to how awful we contemporaries are. My goodness, back in the day, to even say I hate my parents would have gotten you a five fingered hand print across your face. That was acceptable discipline when I was growing up. As a matter of fact, killing your children rarely, if ever, was punished. Now, not only are we bad parents because we are too nice, or didn't beat them, but articles like this cautioning us to not send to many emails or making their holidays unhappy. Many parents will not see their children at all, because for a lot of parents, they’ve been written off for reasons that remain a mystery to them. So, you can’t ruin a holiday for a person who doesn’t show up. Maybe we all should get real here, with attitudes reflected in this article, a lot of parents have children who just walked out of their lives and dumped them, after a childhood of unconditional love, caring and protection. The author of the article doesn’t think those qualities are enough to make your child not hate you, and that being a bad parent is sending too many emails. I’ll repeat that, sending too many emails is a reason for your child to hate you. Gee thanks for the parenting tips. I wish I would have thought of these, instead of working full time so my children had enough food to eat, and clothes to wear, adjusting my schedule so I could help with homework and always be involved with school activities, making sure she didn’t have to walk alone when she was young, etc. And the most important thing I thought, was never let a day go by without hearing the words I love you. Get the picture? No wonder we have so many ungrateful children in this society, keep telling them hating their parents for nothing is acceptable. And sadly, this despicable concept, thanks to articles like these, has caught on. And has left many good parents second or third guessing themselves, not their children.

quote:

Sorry this is wrong.I got up at 5am to take them to hockey practice, Basketball practice. I work a full time job and a part-time job to pay for things like gas,clothes,food, school supplies. ECT .So I am not to email them when I need something.Wrong I am there Mother I watch your children,take them to there games,practice s because your are working. OR running late. Tablets are turn now your the parent and I am the one watching how well you parent.I taught you right from wrong so if I call,email you I should be your first return call ECT. I never fail to return my parents calls for anything.Remember we are your parents we were there for you now it's time for you to answer for us.

mllaneza posted:

No, but they are polite. I hated sending them as a child, but I wish I had gotten the habit now that I'm an adult. Recommend them, don't force them.

13Pandora13 posted:

Making my way through the Boomers thread, this got posted:


Which is an article full of reasonable advice written by a woman who admits she had instincts to overstep boundaries but has learned to reel them in to maintain a good relationship with her sons, but HOLY poo poo the comments:

quote:

Avoid Mistakes That Could Make Your Kids Hate You
Don't push your children away with these annoying habits

by Judith Newman, AARP, April 12, 2019 | Comments: 45



For most of my 20s, I kept two phone lines. One number was for everybody, except one person; the other was for my mother.

This was in the 1980s, before caller ID. I needed to know, with absolute certainty, that I could pick up my regular phone and not end up in a two-hour conversation about whether I was making enough money, or if I was dating, or if I had heard from that nice boy who had dumped me or whether I knew there was another serial killer in my neighborhood. So much to talk about! Most of these discussions played to my deepest anxieties that I was never going to make a living as a writer and never find someone to love me — though maybe none of that mattered because I would end up chopped up into little bits by the serial killer (who probably never called his mother, either). My mother wasn't trying to make me hate her. She loved me — and love makes people do strange things.

Now that I have two grown sons, I see things all too clearly from my mother's perspective: the endless anxiety, the near certainty that my kids are on the brink of making life decisions they will not be able to walk back, the absolute certainty they won't wear earmuffs when everyone should wear earmuffs. But now there is caller ID, unfortunately, so my sons can tell when it's me calling and not pick up.

Before I reach the point of registering myself as a “private caller,” to improve the odds they'll answer, I'm trying to get a grip. And you should, too. There are so many ways to push away your adult kids. Here's a small sampling of what not to do.

Invade their lives

Want your kid to avoid you on a daily basis? Make sure you have no idea where you end and he begins.

Susie Jo Levin's mother was very eager for her to get married. Very. Eventually, Levin, 58, a writer in northern New Jersey, met a lovely guy and got engaged, but the relationship faltered. “Our breakup was sad but amicable. I tell my mother over the Thanksgiving holiday. She has a meltdown. She gathers every speck of childhood memorabilia in her house and stuffs all 10 boxes into my car. Why? I don't know. She was just furious. But this is what every newly dis-engaged woman needs in a 250-square-foot apartment: a vintage Easy-Bake Oven, letters from camp and old prom dresses.” Somehow, says Levin, “this was her breakup” — caused by her daughter's crappy choices.

Fast-forward a few years, when Levin met the man she ultimately did marry, and the ex-boyfriend (now a friend) was at their wedding. Her mother turned to the ex and said, “See, this could have been your wedding."

Jane Greer, a psychotherapist and author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness from Ruining Your Relationship, has counseled many parents and their adult children. This lack of boundaries, she observes, is the children's No. 1 complaint. It's a reaction to the parent “who takes your successes and failures way too personally — who wants to know what you're doing, where you're going, how much it costs,” Greer says.

"And the kid is thinking, What part of ‘on my own’ don't you understand?"

Give conditionally

You lend the kids money, then complain about their spending. You give the grandkids Amazon gift cards but tell them they're only for books. “My husband's mother gave us money for a down payment on the house, which meant, as far as she was concerned, she got the key,” says one friend. “Actually, that was fine. What wasn't fine was that she never, ever knocked before she used it."

First, gifts are wonderful, but they do not give you an all-access pass to your adult child's life. And second, a gift with strings attached isn't really a gift at all.

For more home & family advice, get our monthly Lifestyle newsletter.

Be too meek

The “I didn't want to trouble you” sentiment seems so kind and considerate, doesn't it? But very often, your desire not to be a nuisance ends up causing a problem that is far bigger than if you had spoken up.

Joan Schmidt, 55, a New York City attorney, regularly took her 90-year-old mother to doctors, but occasionally her mom would get into “I don't want to be a bother” mode. “One day she decided to ask her 88-year-old friend Millie to drive her, rather than ask me,” Schmidt recalls. “So Millie did — dropping Mom off at a large shopping center in Eastchester, even though my mom apparently didn't know which building to enter.” Her mother ended up walking a mile home during the summer heat. In another instance, Schmidt's mother needed her car moved but didn't want to disturb Joan, who was in her home with her, working in another room. “So she asked my elderly aunt who lived across the street and had Alzheimer's and macular degeneration to do it.”

We all like to be in control of our lives. But your desire to stay in command may be counterproductive. I say this as someone who often had to rush my parents to the hospital for originally trivial medical problems that they ignored for months. (Men, here's an idea: Don't ignore a swelling prostate to the point where you have to be catheterized.) Sometimes you must trouble those closest to you.

Track their movements

When your children are 15 or 16, you're supposed to worry and be upset when they stay out late and don't call. And you can't help but shame them with tales of the heart attacks you suffered as a result. But now they've grown up and live far away. So why are you still waving the guilt wand over them if you don't immediately know where they are? Or, worse, doing what I used to think of as tag-team angst, with my father calling me to say, “Where were you? Your mother was so worried."

"Your children are not mind readers,” says Jane Isay, author of Walking on Eggshells: Navigating the Delicate Relationship Between Adult Children and Parents. “They don't know what's going on in your household, or just intuit that you need them or that you are worrying."

Sure, feeling guilty may make the child call. But at what cost? “Guilt creates resentment,” Isay says, “and makes it that much harder for them to pick up the phone next time.”

Abuse your email

Though this is a minor infraction, mindlessly forwarding email to your children can drive them berserk. “Every day I receive multiple forwarded emails from my father, clueing me in on World's Scariest Bridges or Unlikely Animal Friends,” says Jancee Dunn, author of Why Is My Mother Getting a Tattoo? and Other Questions I Wish I Never Had to Ask. “He means well, but I don't think some retired parents are fully aware of the sheer volume of emails their adult children receive in a day. Deleting all of the forwarded email just becomes one more task.”

Another tip: When you send your kid an email, you don't have to call to tell her you “just sent an email."

Offer outdated advice

Patrick DiJusto, a 54-year-old book editor in New York City, reports this recent conversation with his father:

"You wanna put all your money into 7 percent CDs."

"Dad, there are no more 7 percent CDs."

"That's crazy — I always had all my money in 7 percent CDs. Doubles your capital every 10 years!"

"Do you still have them?"

"No."

"Why not?"

[Mumbles indistinctly]

"That's my point, Dad. You can't find 7 percent CDs anymore."

"You can if you look."

"We all love giving advice in the areas we feel competent in,” Greer explains. “But be aware that your expertise may be unwelcome if it doesn't address the challenges of today.” This is particularly true when it comes to financial advice or financial help. Let's say you have promised to pay for half of a grandchild's college tuition — a loving gesture parents make when their child has a baby. As generous as your $2,500 is, it may not even make a dent in Grandbaby Einstein's college costs. So before you make that kind of commitment, know what you're in for.

Make holidays unhappy

Do your kids think of family special occasions with pleasure? Or do your rules and regs make the whole affair feel like a holiday death march?

"If my sister and I didn't celebrate our birthdays with our mother, she was wounded,” says Laurie Lewis, 59, a New York City real estate broker. “It wasn't good enough that we all went out during, say, that week; it had to be on the actual day. If I suggested another day, perhaps more convenient, the hurt turned to an angry response of, ‘Let's just forget your birthday this year, since it does not mean that much to you.’ “

I understand that you want to honor family traditions. But as your kids get older, have spouses, children and obligations of their own, you have to allow for the possibility that they need to develop their own traditions. Plus, you want to be a joyous celebrant with them, not the Enforcer.

Second- and third-guess

You know what another word for “constructive criticism” is? Criticism.

"Here are the subjects my mother feels the need to comment on,” says Moira Lawson, 59, a health policy adviser who lives in Baltimore. “My looks, my parenting, my clothes, my home, how I spend my money — pretty much on everything.”

"My parents have told me repeatedly that they don't believe in divorce,” says Mariana Olenko, 52, of New York City. “Even though I'm divorced — and a divorce lawyer."

Ellen Stimson, 56, a writer in rural Vermont, admits: “It's really hard to pick just one incident here. One Thanksgiving my mother arrived early, before all the other guests, and when I went upstairs to dress, I heard a crash and the sound of shattering glass. I ran back downstairs to find her in the kitchen, standing among the shards that had been my chandelier. She'd apparently decided it was too dirty for company and had taken it down to wash it. But it had been on, and was still hot, and it exploded when the water hit it. As I walked in on this chaos, she said — without missing a beat — ‘I guess the dirt was the only thing holding it together.’ “

Observes Isay, “One of the great skills of parenting adult children is learning to keep your mouth shut."

This is a skill I intend to practice. Soon. I can't wait to tell my two sons — once they answer their phones.

Judith Newman is a columnist for the New York Times and author of To Siri with Love: A Mother, Her Autistic Son, and the Kindness of Machines.

Julius CSAR posted:

This is so ridiculously wrong I'm wondering how fuckin' old you are

What the hell is with these people who feel so entitled about children that don't belong to them. Like, no, there is no "legal right" to see a grandchild. You aren't "owed" loving anything, sorry.

meat police posted:

wait what this is about sending thank you cards lol. But agreed with the person you quoted--it's a great habit to get into, especially in professional environments.

Grimdude posted:

Hard disagree. Don't even recommend them. Why waste the time, money, and resources to write "Thank you" on a separate piece of paper that you're probably going to have to mail to someone when you can just tell them "Thank you" with your words. Not to be mean, but feeling "more thanked" by getting a card instead of verbally is some crazy entitled boomer energy.

That other person was right. The only reason to insist on sending/receiving thank you cards is because you feel entitled to receive them.


This probably wasn't helped by the fact that "manners" were almost always paired with dumb poo poo like where one of your 3 knives was supposed to go on the table.

SHY NUDIST GRRL posted:

They don't actually feel gratitude or anything else like that. It's why they need physical thank yous and other such chores of gratitude and deference. They think family is a tit for tat preform of favors. And they gave their children so much. Imagine all they could spend on themselves if they didn't have to feed and cloth the brats

Boywhiz88 posted:

gently caress I wish there were 7% CDs. Goddamn.

Julius CSAR posted:

This is so ridiculously wrong I'm wondering how fuckin' old you are

BigDave posted:

Don't. They only existed when the prime rate was 21% and investing in treasury bonds was seen as 'risky'.

quote:

Carter. CDs went as high as 15% in 1981. But mortgage rates were 18%. It was good if U had a house already & U had cash to put in the bank. Interest was guaranteed! No risk at all.

smore of babylon posted:

Edited as per request

Grimdude posted:

Hard disagree. Don't even recommend them. Why waste the time, money, and resources to write "Thank you" on a separate piece of paper that you're probably going to have to mail to someone when you can just tell them "Thank you" with your words. Not to be mean, but feeling "more thanked" by getting a card instead of verbally is some crazy entitled boomer energy.

That other person was right. The only reason to insist on sending/receiving thank you cards is because you feel entitled to receive them.


This probably wasn't helped by the fact that "manners" were almost always paired with dumb poo poo like where one of your 3 knives was supposed to go on the table.

quote:

Can I punish son for rejecting Dad?
My 17-year old son refuses to speak to his dad. My counselor and various friends and family say I should not punish my son. Dad is an active alcoholic who is not in recovery. He lives in a different state. He is a functional alcoholic meaning he has a job and mostly binges on weekends.
He wants me to take away my sons cell phone as punishment for son refusing to speak to him. I have said that won’t work. If son is forced to call dad then he will give one-word answers to questions or just grunt on phone. I thought giving it time would lead to son eventually talking to Dad. This strategy has failed.
Now here’s my plan below. Do you think it will work?
I will tell son that there are two important skills he needs to learn—forgiveness and dealing with a loved one who is engaging in substance abuse. There are very good ways to create appropriate boundaries while still being a caring person toward the loved one. So here is what I plan to say to son:
Currently son —you are not speaking with Dad and that shows me that you are not dealing with the situation in an appropriate or healthy way. Here are your choices: you need to show progress toward developing communication and an appropriate relationship with dad. If you can’t do that on your own then that tells me you need help. Here’s what the help looks like. You will be required to learn about appropriate boundaries and forgiveness. I will make counseling appointments. You are required to go. If you fail to attend and actively participate then you will receive a consequence.
Thoughts?

LadyPictureShow posted:

Dear lord.


Surprisingly, the other posters are telling her this is an absolutely goddamn idiotic approach.

quote:

I haven’t been on for quite awhile, as I moved passed the hurt and reality of being estranged from my ED and grandchildren. I am in acceptance of the situation and when I see pictures of my granddaughter, I don’t really know her. I don’t think I’m calloused, just healed.

I have always had a good relationship with my son, but that has gradually diminished and I can see that relationship going on life support. My son reconnected with ED and I think he has felt in the middle, so he has told me he doesn’t feel comfortable with me anymore. He was a teacher and would call me a few times per week on his way home for about three years.

Backstory: About a year ago, my mom, husband, daughter, and son/wife were planning a relocation move back across country. This was due to cost of living in this city. He was so excited about it. He was a teacher, resigned for the next year and told everyone he was moving to ____. It was a happy time, but he could sense his wife was anxious about finding a new job. So through our phone conversations , I could tell he was losing his dream to move.. Ironically, his best friends took the leap and moved to the same area. His wife told him she got a promotion and convinced him to stay. During that summer, she also convinced him to quit the teaching profession, because he was too busy at night “not present enough” , so there went the career he worked at for 5 years. My son said he liked teaching, except it was “hard on their marriage. ” Her brother -in-law arranged a job for him at his company which was out of his field completely.

So, I got to the point where I could see how he was losing himself to this narcissistic woman who has been giving him more and more restrictions on everything: no teaching, no kids, no dogs, no move, no animal products, and now, mom/ step-dad are hanging by the balance[. I started to speak up in our phone conversations and that started the friction. I would say that he needs to look after himself and not do all the compromising. I was silent for so long, just really a sound board.

My ED and her dad came to our town last year and visited him on his birthday, not me and my husband. It was pretty awful for me, and I kept my mouth shut until I finally spoke up recently and told him I think it was crummy that that happened and their mother was not considered at all.

So much for expressing myself, he has since distanced himself substantially from me. Maybe I said more than I should have. Maybe i said more than he wanted to hear, but how long can we be bobbleheads walking on eggshells? UGH

quote:

Hi everybody. I’m new here, and thank God for this site! I’m 58, divorced, and have 3 grown daughters who are in their early 30s. I have 9 grandkids. My problem is the oldest one. We don’t have a total estrangement, but I wanted us to have a better relationship. So I offered to pay for ALL 3 of them to go to counseling with me. (Individual sessions). I was hoping to get everything out in the open about what was bothering them about me. The middle and youngest went a few times but then told me they don’t have a problem with me and they didn’t want me to waste my money. However, oldest daughter went a few times and abruptly told me “I’m done with that.” No explanation, no nothing. And it’s gotten worse than ever. She is very calculating and remembers everything. She keeps an emotional scorecard. I’ve tried to calmly talk with her but it instantly escalates into her verbally attacking me. I’ve just had it with her. She has pushed me too far.

There were so many days and nights I cried over this. Once on an ajasjancruise I was so depressed over it I thought of jumping over the rail. Another time in Scotland, I was standing in a bridge at night looking down at the dark water and thought it would’ve so easy to end it all. Because of those feelings (which scared the crap outta me!) I’ve decided I need to work on me. I need to heal.

I tried my best. I went into debt to pay for therapy for us and it got me nowhere. I’ve yried asking her to lunch. I’ve tried getting her to come to my gym or I will go tio gets so we could take a class together. Nope, shut down every time, if I even get a reply back. I am everything that she despises. I’m very very outgoing, friendly, and high energy. She would rather be a wallflower. If that’s how she wants to be, that’s fine. That’s who she is. But it’s NOT me. I will never be the mother she wants. Will I get to see her 3 children as much as I see the other 6? No. Will it bother me? Absolutely. Do I need peace in my life and not cry myself to sleep anymore? Absolutely. I’m taking a HUGE step back. I dint know for how long, and I really don’t care. I’m done with being attacked. I’m done with the “sit and listen to her. Let her speak. Dont get defensive. Keep the lines open. Let her know you’re thinking of her and you love her.” She ripped my heart out for the last time. I’m not angry, I’m way past that. I’m just DONE.

quote:

If you have read my previous posts you will know that my best friend is gone. I expressed to her how she hurt me by knowing we are alone and after seven years she uninvited us for the holiday. She didn’t have any truthful reason except she has anxiety. She is having 10 people for dinner and when I told her I feel very badly because that was the one holiday we spent with friends. She told me I’m not a true friend if I feel that way. Meantime I don’t hear from her for 6 weeks and the excuse is she is busy. She made up a lame excuse because she has anxiety, but she is making it for her family of 10. She said no more friends. She knows my situation and just gave up on me. We had dinner plans for 2 years which everytime I asked her she would give excuse after excuse. She said I’m not a true friend because I feel badly. So that’s the end of that. How could people be so heartless? Very sad.

LadyPictureShow posted:

Dear lord.

Surprisingly, the other posters are telling her this is an absolutely goddamn idiotic approach.

Tin Can Hit Man posted:

Willing to bet money that mom is trying to get back with dad and son is being a major obstacle to that. Otherwise I struggle to see why she's so invested in a father that isn't even around.

Splash Attack posted:

they’re not full out horrible like some of these parents, but they definitely are close. my dad always loves to go off about how much he’s invested in me and how he’s failed to receive any result, also if i was a employee under him he would have fired me.

AuntBuck posted:

It's more about keeping up appearances. Who cares what her son is going through? Can't let the neighbors know mom makes poor choices.


This is pretty terrible, as is the other poo poo they've done. It's weird that your father is talking about investing in you as if he's investing in his retirement and not your future, as their child.

Splash Attack posted:

reading this thread is eerie because i keep hearing my parents in this. i’d always thought that the problem was me because they kept pounding in that they did everything they could for me and took me to all these fancy places and trips (apparently we used to go to disneyland every month except it’s a 6 hour drive from where we live and one time my sister and i had a meltdown during these drives because we were both toddlers that my dad decided we were never going to disneyland ever again) and i was a terrible, ungrateful daughter for not appreciating it.

they’re not full out horrible like some of these parents, but they definitely are close. my dad always loves to go off about how much he’s invested in me and how he’s failed to receive any result, also if i was a employee under him he would have fired me.

unfortunately i don’t think i can completely sever because i still need financial help sometimes and they know it. when i graduated college while working part time and living paycheck to paycheck, my parents decided that to celebrate they’d take me on a cruise along south east asia (i said i was fine going going somewhere more local and fun, like disneyland or universal studios but my dad apparently hates those places). it was very nice of them but i honestly would had preferred them giving me money the money they spent on me during the trip. also my dad would call my cabin room at 5AM or 6AM demanding that i meet him on deck with my sister so we could take family vacation photos. i’d refuse and go back to sleep because that’s not my idea of enjoying a vacation, but my sister would go and then come back mad at me because my dad was pissy i ignored him and took it out on my sister and mom that i was ruining the vacation.

anyways after this i was super struggling because i been working for several weeks because they decided on a cruise, and when i asked if they could help me with paying rent they were super upset that i would dare to ask for more. all i did according to them was take their money and enjoy making them miserable because i would refuse to spend time with them during the trip and wanted to do things on my own instead of following my parents around (i was 24 years old). it was a cool trip and i did appreciate seeing places i’d never be able to afford on my own, but i always feel miserable being with my parents because they’d remind me who was paying for the trip. also when i decided to buy a souvenir my mom was upset because i didn’t try to barter and she said it was so embarrassing for her that i didn’t try to get the merchant to lower the price.

it would probably come as no surprise to reveal that i have anxiety when talking to strangers and also at the idea of making people upset, thanks to various factors in my childhood (one of them being my dad lost his temper at me and threw my sister’s backpack at my head because i wasn’t getting out of the car fast enough, and it was heavy enough that it left a gash above my eye. i was seven.)

this turned out to be longer and more personal than i intended, i’m sorry.

There Bias Two posted:

did good things for you.

Literally A Person posted:

I'm sorry but paying for things isn't in itself a good act. I know someone who's parents have completely invalidated by keeping her on a money leash. She not only can do anything they don't want, after so many years she doesn't understand why she'd want to.

trickybiscuits posted:

A lot of lovely parents seem to consider their children their retirement, especially if the parents are spending on cruises and stuff instead of saving.

Barudak posted:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Filial_responsibility_laws

The list of states is: Alaska, Arkansas, California, Connecticut, Delaware, Georgia, Indiana, Iowa, Kentucky, Louisiana, Massachusetts, Mississippi, Montana, Nevada , New Hampshire, New Jersey, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Dakota, Tennessee, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, West Virginia.

Now thats a big list but be aware not all have the same thresholds and boundary of obligations, nor are they all usually enforced, but seriously avoid Pennsylvania and it comes up with Estranged Parents now that they know about it.

Nuclearmonkee posted:

FYI It doesn't matter what state you live in it matters what state they live in, but in general the only really bad one is PA because that's the one where 3rd parties can sue over it.

There Bias Two posted:

I wasn't referring to that, don't get me wrong. I was just commenting on how OP was being a bit defensive toward them and figured they were probably decent people at times. Their parents' decent behavior doesn't invalidate any bad experiences they went through.

Literally A Person posted:

There Bias Two posted:

I'm confused. Did I say something off here?

AuntBuck posted:

It's more about keeping up appearances. Who cares what her son is going through? Can't let the neighbors know mom makes poor choices.

trickybiscuits posted:

A lot of lovely parents seem to consider their children their retirement, especially if the parents are spending on cruises and stuff instead of saving.

an estranged parent posted:

She is very calculating and remembers everything

Splash Attack posted:

when i decided to buy a souvenir my mom was upset because i didn’t try to barter and she said it was so embarrassing for her that i didn’t try to get the merchant to lower the price.

Tin Can Hit Man posted:

Willing to bet money that mom is trying to get back with dad and son is being a major obstacle to that. Otherwise I struggle to see why she's so invested in a father that isn't even around.

LadyPictureShow posted:

Dear lord.


Surprisingly, the other posters are telling her this is an absolutely goddamn idiotic approach.