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Some of these are actually a bit ambiguous, they don't have enough information to be sure who's to blame. I mean, it's not like awful children who only want money are all that uncommon.
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# ? Oct 3, 2019 16:57 |
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# ? Mar 28, 2024 21:02 |
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Is this so there's no concrete evidence of what anyone says, and the parent can then rewrite how the discussion went in their head based on how they felt about it? Learning to read between the lines on these is a trip. [/quote] The thing the parents say on the forum is that if they put anything in print their children will purposely twist their words. If something is in writing it can't be denied or explained away. And it might be the former paralegal in me, but any time someone refuses to put something about money in writing, they're up to something. Play posted:Some of these are actually a bit ambiguous, they don't have enough information to be sure who's to blame. I mean, it's not like awful children who only want money are all that uncommon. quote:Unfortunately for me I’ve surrounded myself with good people as my friends and so I am destined to continually hear all their wonderful stories and plans for family time. I put on a happy face but it’s getting harder and harder to pretend I am loved when I am not. I’ve been waiting for that walk and talk for months now with my daughter and she has gone back to just not replying to texts or invitations. She says all the right things like I’ll call next week to set a time then just doesn’t. My son has disappointed me by saying,” you’ve sabotaged all your relationships Mom”. quote:I sent the ED age 40 w/new baby an email earlier today, asking if she would consider family counseling sessions in order that we could put what’s happened in the past behind us. quote:story of woman who abandoned her babies This poo poo really is a trip.
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# ? Oct 3, 2019 19:13 |
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quote:The mother in the story tried to give her children better lives (she was leaving them on doorsteps, not throwing them into dumpsters) and was sincerely sorry. I think it was also a fictional television show/movie and the poster was still jealous. oh poo poo, right?? The longer I read that post the more it became apparent that this wasn't like a news story or something, this woman was getting all lovely over like, a Lifetime movie. these people are definitely not living in reality.
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# ? Oct 3, 2019 19:56 |
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My recently estranged mother sent a birthday card and a present to our middle son today for his birthday. We sent the card back a few days ago and it came right back. I left a note saying not to call, text, show up or send mail as it is not welcome. Her husband started calling our phones telling us we need to fix this via voicemail. Flying monkeys indeed. My wife and I sent her a text saying none of it was welcome and that we already cut ties. We warned her that this was the second time and we will be filing a restraining order the next. She didn't apologize. Didn't try to fix anything. She just told us we were going to have to file it because she wasn't going to stop. I blew up at her and told her she's a deadbeat narcissist and alcoholic that has done quite enough damage. This really was the right choice. She has no respect for boundaries and everyone is just a pawn that has to do what she says. She got cut off because of this lack of respect and now the extinction burst is getting underway. I can't wait to explain to the judge why this is happening. She's a public school teacher and it's going to be sad when she goes to jail over this and gets the can but seriously I have no idea how they've let her around children this long. I'm really glad this thread is here.
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# ? Oct 4, 2019 01:37 |
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Bruce Boxlicker posted:My recently estranged mother sent a birthday card and a present to our middle son today for his birthday. We sent the card back a few days ago and it came right back. I left a note saying not to call, text, show up or send mail as it is not welcome. Her husband started calling our phones telling us we need to fix this via voicemail. Flying monkeys indeed. My wife and I sent her a text saying none of it was welcome and that we already cut ties. We warned her that this was the second time and we will be filing a restraining order the next. She didn't apologize. Didn't try to fix anything. She just told us we were going to have to file it because she wasn't going to stop. I blew up at her and told her she's a deadbeat narcissist and alcoholic that has done quite enough damage. This really was the right choice. She has no respect for boundaries and everyone is just a pawn that has to do what she says. She got cut off because of this lack of respect and now the extinction burst is getting underway. I can't wait to explain to the judge why this is happening. She's a public school teacher and it's going to be sad when she goes to jail over this and gets the can but seriously I have no idea how they've let her around children this long. Good job standing firm on this. You're doing what's best for your family and it seems like it's empowering your wife as well.
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# ? Oct 4, 2019 01:45 |
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Bruce Boxlicker posted:My recently estranged mother sent a birthday card and a present to our middle son today for his birthday. We sent the card back a few days ago and it came right back. I left a note saying not to call, text, show up or send mail as it is not welcome. Her husband started calling our phones telling us we need to fix this via voicemail. Flying monkeys indeed. My wife and I sent her a text saying none of it was welcome and that we already cut ties. We warned her that this was the second time and we will be filing a restraining order the next. She didn't apologize. Didn't try to fix anything. She just told us we were going to have to file it because she wasn't going to stop. I blew up at her and told her she's a deadbeat narcissist and alcoholic that has done quite enough damage. This really was the right choice. She has no respect for boundaries and everyone is just a pawn that has to do what she says. She got cut off because of this lack of respect and now the extinction burst is getting underway. I can't wait to explain to the judge why this is happening. She's a public school teacher and it's going to be sad when she goes to jail over this and gets the can but seriously I have no idea how they've let her around children this long. Oh, man, I'm sorry. If you haven't looked at DWIL Nation I'm gonna suggest it again. They have some good stuff in the Stickied thread at the top of the page. quote:Q: What are the signs of the DWIL apocolypse?
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# ? Oct 4, 2019 13:44 |
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Holy poo poo, Lawn Tantrums is a beautiful BEAUTIFUL phrase.
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# ? Oct 4, 2019 13:58 |
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teen witch posted:Holy poo poo, Lawn Tantrums is a beautiful BEAUTIFUL phrase. Please change my name to Major Lawn Tantrum
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# ? Oct 4, 2019 14:40 |
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What are DWIL and FMs? I don't think those have been explained in the thread so far.
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# ? Oct 4, 2019 15:02 |
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Uncle Enzo posted:What are DWIL and FMs? I don't think those have been explained in the thread so far. DWIL is a sub-board on a forum generally for mothers/women who are expecting. It stands for Dealing With In Laws and seems to be the original version of boards like r/justnomil and is the originator of a lot of the lingo like DH (Dear Husband) and FM (flying monkey). FM is often interchangable with 'minion'. Some are people that are enlisted to contact the estranged offspring, generally to try to get them back in line with the demands of the mother/father. They are usually people who are currently emeshed (terminology used frequently is 'in the fog') and are reacting poorly to someone throwing the toxicity of the current situation into relief. Sometimes they are people on the outside who are on the receiving end of a sob story from the estranged person and are 'just trying to help'.
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# ? Oct 4, 2019 15:29 |
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trickybiscuits posted:Oh, man, I'm sorry. If you haven't looked at DWIL Nation I'm gonna suggest it again. They have some good stuff in the Stickied thread at the top of the page. I have been on there since you suggested it, I just feel more comfortable sharing here with goons. I appreciate it. We are going to the courthouse to file a stalking order today. It's free and only requires you explain to a judge why it's happening. Thankfully our state is pretty protective of those seeking these types of orders. It's past time we were just done with this poo poo. Bruce Boxlicker fucked around with this message at 18:22 on Oct 4, 2019 |
# ? Oct 4, 2019 18:11 |
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trickybiscuits posted:
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# ? Oct 5, 2019 14:35 |
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https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/oct/07/i-was-an-intruder-what-its-like-to-be-your-parents-least-favourite-childquote:Growing up in an outwardly happy family – her mother was a midwife, her father a doctor – it was only later that Sara understood the hidden dynamic: “I found out when I was 11 that I was illegitimate,” she says. “My mother was pregnant – and had been deserted – when she met the medical student she went on to marry. In their minds, I wasn’t a ‘doctor’s daughter’ like my sisters: I was just some random man’s offspring.” quote:“When I started school at five, I was left alone. And I mean alone: Mum was proud of telling people that she could stay at work until late because I came home, cooked my supper and often put myself to bed.” Goddamn, her parents were shitheads.
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# ? Oct 7, 2019 15:07 |
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Bruce Boxlicker posted:I have been on there since you suggested it, I just feel more comfortable sharing here with goons. I appreciate it. We are going to the courthouse to file a stalking order today. It's free and only requires you explain to a judge why it's happening. Thankfully our state is pretty protective of those seeking these types of orders. It's past time we were just done with this poo poo. quote:On one hand, I like who I am…honest, true, caring and decent…on the other hand I hate myself for who I am, which is gullable and sensitive and foolish… quote:Christmas was always my big holiday. I made cookies, spent several months buying gifts ( each yr my husband would say I bought too much, I’d tell him next year I’d cut back but never did), days wrapping, decorated the house, trimmed the tree, sent cards, planned the meal and cooked for days. My husband’s birthday is 3 days before Christmas, so we also gathered the Sunday before Christmas to celebrate it. quote:About a month ago, I met with my ES. Since he was still wanting to meet with me, I assumed we were onto repairing our mother/son bond. However, in our conversation, there was so much he alluded to and said that just didn’t sit well with me. Instead of confronting him in the restaurant where we were meeting (didn’t want that confrontation in public), I called him on the phone. He became very angry. Said I had plenty of time to tell him these things at the restaurant or even outside. I didn’t want to make a scene anywhere really. He sent a text requesting a conversation to discuss some issues. I went into a full fledged panic and had to call my sister to talk me off the ledge (don’t ask why cause I seriously do not know why had so much fear) then he called later that day and set MY boundaries, more like sequestered. I can’t talk about him, or his wife to any one. I can’t send text messages or emails other than I love you texts to him, Not allowed to discuss anything about his wife’s lack of respect on social media (whether I or anyone else have been offended or not). Not allowed to gossip (I’m assuming anything positive or negative) about anyone outside of him or his wife to him (I asked him to define gossip, he couldn’t) AND I’m not allowed bring up anything in the past or anything pertinent that may cause him and his wife to have a disagreement (I don’t talk to her. I credit her for all this ridiculousness). See . . . I’m sequestered. Anyhoo, been actually playing this game of nonsense for almost 2 months now. Dumb, dumb, dumb. quote:Hi friends! I am back! It has been a rough road, but we rode it through. My husband had his heart procedure and came out okay. We chose not to tell either ED, only our son who was a rock of strength. Husband told the EDs after he came home. Boy were they pissed!! They said such awful things to their Dad that he ended up in the ER with an uncontrollable nose bleed., Same scenario they did to him a year ago when he had sepsis. I was so mad that I almost lost it!! Part of me was glad he sees them for what they are, and part of me is so sad that now he won’t see our GGs. But we will go on. Happy that we have each other. Happy that we can see past the clouds.
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# ? Oct 7, 2019 19:21 |
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These people and not replying to texts quick enough for their liking. Going through a whole thing with my mom and she pulled this poo poo. She texted (along with several others) on my birthday last week and I had the gall to not reply fast enough and boy howdy did I hear it in a voicemail the very next day. And this isn't new with her. I'm constantly reminded when I haven't called back or messaged fast enough. I told her like a month ago I've been feeling depressed (which my paternal grandpa battled with) and that I needed time before meeting up. This was right after she threw a fit because I canceled dinner plans (that she told me about that day, not asked). I told her she's stressful for me and I needed to just figure poo poo out on my end. She actually used the line "I guess I thought I raised you better" in the voicemail and it made me go from "oh God I feel so guilty maybe I'm wrong, maybe this voicemail will be nice and make me regretful" to "haha wow okay then." Seriously, my stomach was in knots all day anticipating hearing that message. What a relief.
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# ? Oct 7, 2019 21:49 |
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Grimdude posted:These people and not replying to texts quick enough for their liking. How dare you answer when it's convenient to you and not according to her own predetermined schedule. She can't effectively control your time when you do that. It's like every interaction with a person like this they are trying to extract something from you. These people also have no concept of how their own behavior makes people not want to talk to them or interact with them.
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# ? Oct 7, 2019 22:01 |
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It makes no sense that people think this is a personal slight against them! One woman a while back said that she has gotten the relationship with her estranged family that she wanted and part of that was that when she texted them they responded right away. But these people are unbelievably sensitive to rejection and seem unable to understand that they are not the center of other people's worlds. I read this today on another website: quote:My mother was deeply, very deeply, offended that both her children decided to live with their partners before getting married. Living in sin. She was wallowing in how she must have raised us so very wrong that we thought that was okay.
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# ? Oct 7, 2019 23:44 |
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I'm reminded of how it's important if your kids are friends with a kid who has a clearly dysfunctional home life to invite them over when you can and show them a different family to teach them what a healthy (or at least less dysfunctional) relationship can look like, that their own experience at home is not their only option. A lot of people just haven't seen what a healthy and equitable relationship looks like, and care more about ticking the right boxes than actually talking to people.
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# ? Oct 8, 2019 05:31 |
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THOT PATROL posted:
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# ? Oct 8, 2019 19:18 |
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"my daughter's boyfriend was Hispanic so I assumed he had sold her into sex slavery in Mexico" lmao fox news has so much to answer for
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# ? Oct 8, 2019 19:26 |
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Ghost Leviathan posted:I'm reminded of how it's important if your kids are friends with a kid who has a clearly dysfunctional home life to invite them over when you can and show them a different family to teach them what a healthy (or at least less dysfunctional) relationship can look like, that their own experience at home is not their only option. A lot of people just haven't seen what a healthy and equitable relationship looks like, and care more about ticking the right boxes than actually talking to people. It really is. My in-laws are amazing and I've been happier with them than I ever have with my own. I was so screwed up as a kid and had such a hard time maintaining friendships, especially growing up in a small town as a non-binary person. I moved to the city at 16, met some other kids from ruined homes, started to really open up, then met my now husband, and his family blew my mind. I completely latched on to them, probably to an unhealthy degree, and a combination of events led to me leaving home at 17 and going to their place instead. They took me in as one of their own and referred to me as "one of the kids" along with all their kids right away.
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# ? Oct 8, 2019 19:56 |
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I'm conflicted as to whether to post this or not but over the course of this thread, I think it has been asked of people with positive parental experiences how it went down or what was different about it or how to be a good parent. I don't know the answer to any of this. I have a great relationship with my parents. I'm taking a break from packing right now to post this because I'm driving them halfway across the country to be a part of my brother's wife's retirement ceremony. It's going to be a good trip. I don't get to spend nearly as much time with them as I would like, though that may change now that I'm unemployed. We're bringing guitars for my father, my brother and I to play when we have a spare moment and art materials (weaving, sewing, some metalworking) for my mother, sister-in-law and I to share over coffee and while we cook. My sister-in-law, from the little she has told us, had a terrible family upbringing and has no contact with her parents. I'm not sure about the details because I never wanted to push her to talk about it and she didn't seem terribly forthcoming about it. What I do know is that she has adopted my parents as her own with a fervor that is sometimes startling. Her love for my parents over the years has made me appreciate the relationship I have with them so much more. I really don't want to sound as if I'm lauding myself or my relationship with my parents. I'm lucky as loving hell. I landed in this family, I didn't choose to be here. My sister-in-law, however, did. I don't know what her circumstances were. Maybe one day she'll tell me more about it. Maybe not. I know she loves my brother and he loves her, and that we are a family and we all love each other and support each other. We're all broke and barely making ends meet and I don't know how she and my brother are going to make it with the poo poo retirement that they're going to get, but we're all going to make it happen for all of us somehow. I don't even know where I'm going with this. Maybe I should have just taken this to E/N. Sorry. Just thought I'd throw a positive parental experience in there.
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# ? Oct 10, 2019 16:26 |
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I think it's a good place. I have an incredible and positive relationship with my in-laws, I've gotten to experience both sides. Also this came across my feed this morning. Extremely typical attitude and language. SulfurMonoxideCute fucked around with this message at 17:53 on Oct 10, 2019 |
# ? Oct 10, 2019 16:28 |
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Mushika posted:I'm conflicted as to whether to post this or not but over the course of this thread, I think it has been asked of people with positive parental experiences how it went down or what was different about it or how to be a good parent. I don't know the answer to any of this. I have a great relationship with my parents. I'm taking a break from packing right now to post this because I'm driving them halfway across the country to be a part of my brother's wife's retirement ceremony. It's going to be a good trip. I don't get to spend nearly as much time with them as I would like, though that may change now that I'm unemployed. We're bringing guitars for my father, my brother and I to play when we have a spare moment and art materials (weaving, sewing, some metalworking) for my mother, sister-in-law and I to share over coffee and while we cook. My sister-in-law, from the little she has told us, had a terrible family upbringing and has no contact with her parents. I'm not sure about the details because I never wanted to push her to talk about it and she didn't seem terribly forthcoming about it. What I do know is that she has adopted my parents as her own with a fervor that is sometimes startling. Her love for my parents over the years has made me appreciate the relationship I have with them so much more. It's a nice contrast to see the positive side of people finding a family when their blood relatives aren't capable. Reading this thread, I keep thinking of my friend Phil. One summer in high school I was mostly living with my dad, as his place was closer to my summer job. One night I ended up crashing at my mom's house pretty late. Woke up the next morning... my mom is making waffles for Phil. Apparently he got into a fist fight with his step-dad, my mom heard about it from a friend of a friend, and he just lived in her guest bedroom for the better part of a month. Whatever problems and issues I might have with my mom, a lack of caring and empathy has never been a problem. It's been almost 20 years since that happened, and just last week I heard my mom is renting the grandmother apartment above the garage to another person in need. This gal is friends with one of my cousins, moved back home from Alaska to take help care of her ailing mother with whom she's previously been estranged. A couple fights with her mom, and an Adult Protective Services call because she wouldn't let her mother take 2-4 Vicodin per hour... and she's estranged from her mother again, and my mom is taking in another stray.
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# ? Oct 10, 2019 17:27 |
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Relentless posted:It's a nice contrast to see the positive side of people finding a family when their blood relatives aren't capable. Finding surrogates to fill those parental roles went a long way towards helping me come to terms with having lovely biological parents. I might not have a relationship with my biological mother or father anymore, but I have people who have become mothers and fathers to me. People that I call and talk to and spend time with, people that I reach out to when in times of need, and when I have something to celebrate. I have people who want to be an active part of my life, and that's been a million times more validating than blood ever was. And it's how cool and understanding and supportive these surrogates have been that drives home the point of how toxic the biological batch was. These are also the people who helped me unlearn a lot of the bs I had inevitably picked up from growing up with the biological parents in the first place. Because you don't realize just how screwed up you are until you finally step out of that kind of environment and get called out on it. In spite of everything I consider myself really lucky to have had people and places to land in when it all went to poo poo for me with the biological parents; and these people have become my family in ways that the biological ones never were, or could be.
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# ? Oct 10, 2019 17:58 |
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Ghost Leviathan posted:I'm reminded of how it's important if your kids are friends with a kid who has a clearly dysfunctional home life to invite them over when you can and show them a different family to teach them what a healthy (or at least less dysfunctional) relationship can look like, that their own experience at home is not their only option. A lot of people just haven't seen what a healthy and equitable relationship looks like, and care more about ticking the right boxes than actually talking to people. i honestly didn't realize that my family life was actually not normal at all until i got older. i remember a few years back i was getting a ride from my dad's cousin for a family gathering because i live closer to her than my family now, and when i got there she and her husband were snapping at each other because their kid wasn't ready to leave yet (she was still a toddler) so we ended up running a little late. i remember feeling this huge feeling of anxiety and dread because when that happens with my parents, my dad fumes during the entire car trip and starts laying into everyone around him about every single perceived slight we did to him or fault we had, so i was preparing for that to be the awkward bystander for this to play out. imagine my surprise when before they got into the car, they made up, kissed, and then just a very pleasant conversation on the way there. it honestly was a huge shock for me because i'd never thought that there was any other way to handle it beforehand. Mushika posted:I'm conflicted as to whether to post this or not but over the course of this thread, I think it has been asked of people with positive parental experiences how it went down or what was different about it or how to be a good parent. I don't know the answer to any of this. I have a great relationship with my parents. I'm taking a break from packing right now to post this because I'm driving them halfway across the country to be a part of my brother's wife's retirement ceremony. It's going to be a good trip. I don't get to spend nearly as much time with them as I would like, though that may change now that I'm unemployed. We're bringing guitars for my father, my brother and I to play when we have a spare moment and art materials (weaving, sewing, some metalworking) for my mother, sister-in-law and I to share over coffee and while we cook. My sister-in-law, from the little she has told us, had a terrible family upbringing and has no contact with her parents. I'm not sure about the details because I never wanted to push her to talk about it and she didn't seem terribly forthcoming about it. What I do know is that she has adopted my parents as her own with a fervor that is sometimes startling. Her love for my parents over the years has made me appreciate the relationship I have with them so much more. no, don't be. i have a friend who has a very good relationship with his father and brother, and every sunday he'd go spend time with them, drinking and having a good time because of how close knit they are. he confessed to me that he honestly feels bad talking about it because he knows so many people in our social circle don't have good relationships with parents, including me, but i told him hearing about how he has a good time just knocking back beers with his dad honestly does make me happy. it makes me a little sad that i can't do the same with my own parents, but at least i know that a healthy family dynamic is possible and not something that you just find in fiction.
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# ? Oct 10, 2019 18:19 |
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Relentless posted:It's a nice contrast to see the positive side of people finding a family when their blood relatives aren't capable. Your mom bailed me out of jail, let me pay her back in installments, loaned me clothes for court, and put in a good word with the judge for me (because of course your mom knows everyone in that county). I pretty much lived in her house that winter when I was unemployed, because she and your step-dad were gone all the time, and it meant not having to be sad in my parents' basement.
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# ? Oct 10, 2019 18:21 |
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Dirt Road Junglist posted:Your mom bailed me out of jail, let me pay her back in installments, loaned me clothes for court, and put in a good word with the judge for me (because of course your mom knows everyone in that county). I pretty much lived in her house that winter when I was unemployed, because she and your step-dad were gone all the time, and it meant not having to be sad in my parents' basement. I thought this was leading up to “and I hosed her” because it’s SomethingAwful. But that’s so sweet and nice. I’m so glad people can look out for one another like this.
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# ? Oct 10, 2019 21:19 |
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Picnic Princess posted:I think it's a good place. I have an incredible and positive relationship with my in-laws, I've gotten to experience both sides. My parents were pretty great and I'm close with my father and brother, and was close with my mom before she died.They were just supportive, talked with us honestly, didn't put us down, trusted us to do the right thing, and took us along when they did stuff- they were really active in mental health advocacy and went to a lot of meetings. I like hanging out with my dad, with or without his girlfriend (who is also good people), just watching movies or getting dinner, and we can talk about silly things or serious things or whatever. I've never thought about why they were good parents. They just did everyday things and were kind and good at listening. They also had some mental health problems but still did a good job raising two kids. eta just want to add this before I forget quote:I am a very Social person who gravitate to people who needs a friend because I’m all about inclusion. I love to make people smile , laugh and be happy. We retired, moved to a brand new subdivision where the first occupants who met 6 other great couple and since met and made a lot and to include friends and neighbours. But there was a small group totalling 12 of us that were closer . We were the originals who met at our house for our first annual Christmas party, The 12 of us would have our Annual small get togethers, summer barbecues, Christmas small gathering, boating . We were always the regular ones to plan and show up to everything. . . I love to Entertain and we’ve filled our house to the maximum to include everyone in the neighbour hood for our Christmas pot Luck party. Our house being the larger model could accmodate more people so it seemed our home was the centre for different occasions All these occasions were planned with the help of the original group. . We started up all these neighbour events together. But it was at my house this couple made great friendships with others. . Monthly Euchre where 8 couples could play comfortably in one room. We’ve organized monthly bowling, waster toss tournaments in our back yard. Just so people could meet and have fun. We’ve been invited back to most . I really took to a couple who more or less stayed to themselves all but for women’s yoga. I will call the couple Smith, Just before Christmas Mrs Smith was diagnosed with cancer. I knew of a mutual friend who went to yoga with mrs Smith. So New Years Eve I called the mutual friend and suggested that we would meet up at Mrs smiths house with goodies and ring in the new year with the smiths who had no family or friends at this point to visit. Even though there was this cancer thing hanging over her head, mrs Smith and husband had a great time. This evening made for a great friendship amongst the six of us. We celebrate each other’s birthday at a restaurant, went b once to a festival once . We never lived in each other’s pockets but would meet up occasionally for a long walk together. A car ride in the afternoon. Coffee twice at a coffee shop. . It appeared our friendship was noticed by the lady from our original group who helped me coridnatec the neighbourhoods events from the start who went to Mrs Smith as she lived next door and commented on what she called our little “click”. We had going with the six of us. We never looked at our friendship has a “click” because it was an occasional friendship. Not friendships where you regularly hung out That's 1,800 words to say that people in her social group, which she owns, are meeting up without her. trickybiscuits fucked around with this message at 01:57 on Oct 11, 2019 |
# ? Oct 10, 2019 21:55 |
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let's keep this depressing thread going quote:I’ve not been posting much over the past year. Mostly because I’ve not had much good to share. I should be able to contribute but haven’t felt like I could. Translation: I might literally die because my son won't prioritize my emotions over his wife and premature newborn baby. quote:My “breaking point” was when my nicer ED sent around a mass email (sent to many people at once with a hidden BCC) in which she told everyone the entire names of her newborn twins. I had been asking what their names were going to be and only told their first names. Because she named them after the other grandmother and a great grandmother due to what I believe was her dad’s parental alienation efforts. I believe she didn’t bother to talk to me ahead of time because my feeling don’t matter, or she lacks the empathy and compassion for others to tell me the truth in advance. It is her choice to name her kids whatever but I felt lied to, lies by omission. And what I came around to was that I had to let go of wanting more or different with these adult kids of mine. I had to stop seeing myself as only having value if they valued me. The change I sought was within myself and my perspective I finally realized. Translation: I knew the children's names in advance, but not their WHOLE names, and my daughter named her children after people one the other side of her family for the sole purpose of hurting me and for no other reason. quote:My husband met with my oldest ED on Monday. He payed it out sstraight to her. He spoke and she listened. He told her we are changing our Wills and both ED’s will get zero. He said if you start treating us with respect and stop calling your mother toxic and mentally ill and start acting like grown women then we would give it awhile before we go to our lawyer to change it. He said it’s disgraceful how they have been acting over these 3 years. He told them they have to stop with their BS and grow up. The entire time she didn’t open her mouth. I’m sure she is going over everything with her aunt and sister. He was put in 15 minutes. So it’s been 5 days and no word. I believe we won’t hear anything or we will hear their rules. At this point I don’t care either way. I’m over it. quote:Hello, I know I’m ranting a little but it’s my own fault. Husband met with ED and never heard a word back. It’s been a week and nothing. I knew this would happen and that’s why I wasn’t eager to do anything. They are probably discussing this with my snake sisterinlaw or best friend who helps them run the show. Now my husband said he shouldn’t have waisted his 15 minutes of time talking to her. I hate the waiting. I do believe she will answer with nastiness and being the same as over 3 years ago. I would like to get an answer and put it to rest. The waiting aggravates me. I knew this would happen because I know their behaviors very well. They are the same inhumans and havent changed. I’m really pissed. Sorry for the rant Both from the same poster: quote:I’m going to admit it right off the bat…I don’t want my daughter living with me. quote:I agree so much that our society is in shambles. But I think a lot of it is due to the ‘acceptance of evil”. I sought out a large number of therapists and psychiatrists for my daughter. And the last one (provided by the state) blamed all of my daughters problems on “birth trauma” because there were forceps involved in her delivery. I kid you not. My daughter took money because of birth trauma, not because she wanted to buy alcohol. My daughter cheated in school because of birth trauma, not because she didn’t do her homework, and my daughter carried a knife, and sold prescriptions drugs because of forceps, not because she was trying to make money to buy a plane ticket to California. quote:It is interesting what you say about PTSD. I definitely already had some abandonment issues before the estrangement with my daughter. My parents divorced when I was 4; I had been very attached to my father, who became a weekend dad and remarried (a good thing– I loved my stepmother, who was very warm and caring). My mother had mental health issues and struggled being a single mom. My sister and I didn’t get along well at all when we were growing up. So, this makes a lot of sense. I have also “lost” childhood friends along the way. Translation: I refuse to treat my PTSD and abandonment issues and became emotionally dependent on my daughter, which made it hard for me when she cut me out of her life. eta: quote from the Idiots on Social Media thread Puppy Time posted:It comes from "I need there to be an acceptable reason that I suffered as a child, because if I agree that my parents did lovely things, that will mess up the nice balance of coping mechanisms I have." trickybiscuits fucked around with this message at 19:50 on Oct 14, 2019 |
# ? Oct 14, 2019 19:12 |
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The weird thing to me isn't that they acted that way in the first place, but that they can sit down to write these posts and not realize they're assholes.
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# ? Oct 14, 2019 19:54 |
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Wait, is the birth trauma thing saying the daughter has brain damage causing impulse control issues bc of forceps being used on her soft newborn skull? Like I completely believe there's mental illness going on there that mom ignored bc it was inconvenient, but I didn't realize that was a thing.
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# ? Oct 14, 2019 20:16 |
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PetraCore posted:Wait, is the birth trauma thing saying the daughter has brain damage causing impulse control issues bc of forceps being used on her soft newborn skull? It's not really. Infant skulls are naturally deformed during the birthing process because humans are stupid shaped for birth and big headed, but it returns to normal shape after 1 to 3 days. Newborns look like coneheads
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# ? Oct 14, 2019 21:50 |
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ikanreed posted:It's not really. Infant skulls are naturally deformed during the birthing process because humans are stupid shaped for birth and big headed, but it returns to normal shape after 1 to 3 days.
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# ? Oct 14, 2019 21:51 |
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PetraCore posted:So I'm guessing the court was trying to explain to her that her daughter was... special needs? And mom just ignored it? Probably, and the forceceps thing is one of those stories narcissistic people tell to say how every negative outcome they experience is someone else's fault. Even if no one is at fault, they love blaming people for screwing up their life.
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# ? Oct 14, 2019 22:04 |
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PetraCore posted:Wait, is the birth trauma thing saying the daughter has brain damage causing impulse control issues bc of forceps being used on her soft newborn skull? That's a lovely therapist. Every time therapy gets around to talking about mom's abusive behavior, or the daughter starts showing independence or improved function, I suspect mom is cutting out on that therapist and goes looking for a new one. Not sure why she owes $30,000. I'd like to see a breakdown of that. She could have refused to pay her bills because she wasn't told what she wanted to hear. She may be on the hook for her daughter's court-ordered hospitalization or care. That number could also just be unrelated credit card debt or completely made up. Who knows? My dad had our family switch therapists a few times when we were kids, usually when we got to talking about what he and my stepmother were doing. Off-topic, but my hoarder stepmother is a disability scammer and claims to have every kind of illness ever. She also claims to have brain damage from birth for the same reason. According to her, in the olden days doctors used heavy metal forceps and went in like Wolverine to pull out babies. It's bullshit, but it's also difficult to prove it didn't happen. There are a few legitimate cases of that kind of damage happening to boomers during birth, but it's blown way out of proportion. I'm imagining this mother demanding an explanation for what's wrong with her daughter that doesn't involve her being an abusive bitch, and this poor therapist is just racking their brain for something to tell her. ohnobugs fucked around with this message at 22:14 on Oct 14, 2019 |
# ? Oct 14, 2019 22:09 |
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I mean, brain damage during birth is a thing. One of my cousins falls into that category, though I think the explanation for her case was a lack of oxygen. Damage the wrong part of the brain and you do have issues with understanding consequences, which can lead to these sorts of disciplinary problems. Same reason you see a lot of people with FASD get into trouble with the law. The part of the brain that connects "I want this thing so I'll just take it" to "but if I steal and cheat ill get in trouble" is just straight up not working properly. These are learnable skills, but it's harder for them. They need support and love and consistency. So this woman has been sat down and had it explained to her that her daughter is brain damaged and could use some extra support and love in order to get her life sorted out, but that interferes with her ability to blame her daughter for everything, so it must be a lie.
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# ? Oct 14, 2019 22:18 |
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RoboRodent posted:So this woman has been sat down and had it explained to her that her daughter is brain damaged and could use some extra support and love in order to get her life sorted out, but that interferes with her ability to blame her daughter for everything, so it must be a lie. Yeah, that seemed weird to me. Here you have an excuse on a silver platter for why your kid being a gently caress up isn't in any way your fault. You'd think most of the estranged parents would love that. But for this lady that isn't enough, it must be the child's fault.
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# ? Oct 14, 2019 22:45 |
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That stuff just ruins the game of golden child/scapegoat they've got going on with the daughter and son. Also, effort.
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# ? Oct 14, 2019 22:49 |
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# ? Mar 28, 2024 21:02 |
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RoboRodent posted:I mean, brain damage during birth is a thing. One of my cousins falls into that category, though I think the explanation for her case was a lack of oxygen. Damage the wrong part of the brain and you do have issues with understanding consequences, which can lead to these sorts of disciplinary problems. Same reason you see a lot of people with FASD get into trouble with the law. The part of the brain that connects "I want this thing so I'll just take it" to "but if I steal and cheat ill get in trouble" is just straight up not working properly. These are learnable skills, but it's harder for them. They need support and love and consistency. Also note how mad she is at her underage daughter calling the cops when neither of her parents would let her live with them, and how shocked she is that the cops, gasp, sided with her daughter.
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# ? Oct 14, 2019 23:11 |