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reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008

extradite THIS! posted:

The promos this thing generates are so good. Either they're spot on, like the Warrior ones, or just insane.
Hulk Hogan: You know something, maniacs, first things first: I want the Doctor Proper to know, the Doctor Unger to know, Doctor Hughes to know, that the release forms have been signed. You're not responsible for the last couple of fractures in the forearm, brother. The main priority in the Yapapi Indian strap match is to get the drat release forms signed. And it seems that only the Hulk Hogan is the only one who knows how to sign. Now just a suggestion to the others: get a doctor, not a nurse.

Dr. Hogan: Heh, I told you it was the only one.

Hulk Hogan: Doctor?

Dr. Hogan: Hogan. You have the Hulk Hogan shoulder brace in.

Hulk Hogan: What?

Dr. Hogan: The Hulk Hogan shoulder brace. Hulk!

Hulk Hogan: Ohh.

Dr. Hogan: Yes, we need to talk.

Hulk Hogan: You have the Hulk Hogan shoulder brace on.

Dr. Hogan: You have the Hulk Hogan shoulder brace on.

Hulk Hogan: Ohhh.

You have the Hulk Hogan shoulder brace on.

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Hopkins FBI
Jan 4, 2015

MY SACRED POSTING VOW IS NOTHING, FOR WHILE I STAKED MY HONOR UPON MY COMMITMENT TO NEVER SUPPORT JOSEPH R. B. JUNIOR I HAVE SCANDALOUSLY ABANDONED MY PRINCIPLES
With the deepest regrets
And tears that are soaked
I'm sorry to hear
That your dad finally croaked

I'm sorry for crying and leaving
I don't have much to say
But I'm sorry, I can't hide for you
I'm sorry my heart breaks
I can't pretend for you
I'm sorry I'm alone
But you love me and I will always
Love you like a brother
A brother that's your father
But that's so much more
Your name isn't yours I won't pretend
And I will not leave you anymore
My dear child I'm sorry so much
You're my baby
I love you I'll always be your parent
I won't leave you And now I want to go home...
I'm sorry that I'm just a weak little sister
But you're the strongest one in the world
And I don't want to let you down
You're the best in the world and I'm so sorry
Your father is a father I was not expecting
So in a way I'm proud of you
I'm

Son of Man
Jan 29, 2003

by Azathoth

Hopkins FBI posted:

But you love me and I will always
Love you like a brother
A brother that's your father

And God just laid some heavy poo poo on your friend, -HH

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008

quote:

Have Champion come out first
-Cut to commercial
-Cut back to pretaped segment yammering about draft
-Cut to promo about entirely unrelated match
-Champ stand in ring long long time
-Cut to stillshot recap of previous match
-Mention challenger is big dumb baby
-Challenger come out
 (no promo)
-Cut to cutaway to reveal challenger is just Big Dumb Baby (it was Big Dumb Baby from a earlier match)
-Cut to cutaway to reveal challenger is a baby who is big fat and dumb
-Cut to commercial
-cut to cutaway to reveal challenger is not big fat and dumb but also very small
-Cut cut to cutaway with challenger crying, crying, crying, and losing baby weight, but also still baby fat and dumb (again)
-Cut to cutaway with challenger still crying/baby fat and dumb
-Cut to cutaway to reveal champion is wearing huge titties
-Cut to cutaway with champions big tits and fat balls
-Cut to cutaway back to commercial
-Cut to cutaway-no big reveal about challenger
-End of

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?

"Hey bitches" said Dark Bayley after winning back the Smackdown Women's Title,"Screw all of you."

Dark Bayley quickly made her point.

"This isn't anything I haven't heard before. I'm trying to have my fun, but I can't."

"What's your point?" said The Miz.

"You're the one who lost. You lost because you were too slow, you couldn't get through the entrance."

The Miz looked at his opponent. She was staring back at him, her fists clenched.

"You don't need to get angry for me to fight you," she said. "Don't act like you are, because you'll break down when your match begins. What you are is not what you want to be."

"Well?" said The Miz.

"I'm not going to quit just because I don't want to hurt you anymore."

"You really know how to get me."

"You're getting me because you're too good for me."

"Yes, your style isn't for me."

Codependent Poster
Oct 20, 2003

Friday Night SmackDown – Oct. 11
Raw Women’s Champion Becky Lynch
Roman Reigns
The O.C. (United States Champion AJ Styles, Luke Gallows & Karl Anderson)
"The Fiend" Bray Wyatt
Drew McIntyre
Randy Orton
Sasha Banks
Ricochet
Braun Strowman
Bobby Lashley
Alexa Bliss & Nikki Cross
Lacey Evans
The Viking Raiders (Erik & Ivar)
SmackDown Tag Team Champions The Revival (Scott Dawson & Dash Wilder)
Natalya
Heavy Machinery (Tucker & Otis)
The Street Profits (Montez Ford & Angelo Dawkins)


"The Real American" Booker T
John Cena (United States Champion)
Randy Orton (United States Champion)
Sascha McEntire (United States Champion)
Samoa Joe & Jimmy Uso (United States Champion)
Nikki Bella
The New Day (Nia Jax, Bayley & Bayley's Mother)

Angry_Ed
Mar 30, 2010




Grimey Drawer
Got another Oney Lorcan tweet since he mentioned summoning the power of the warrior.

ABOUT A YEAR AGO MAURO RANALLO TOLD ME I SHOULD TWEET MORE AND JUST LET MY FREAK FLAG FLY AND ROMAN REIGNS TOLD ME I SHOULD KEEP SUMMONING THE POWER OF THE WARRIOR SO THATS WHAT I DO NOW THROW EM UP ALL ABOARD THE FIGHTER JEWELRY AND WHEN THEY ARRIVE TO BEAT THE BAD GUYS IN YOUR VELVET TAKES YOUR BATTLE RAGE AND TELLS YOU THE GOOD STUFF HAPPENS WHEN YOU FIGHT IN WAR IS WHEN YOU GIVE A SPAWN TO YOUR EYE AND YOUR EYES ARE BLINDED BY THE POWER YOU TAKE FROM YOUR BATTLE! FOR I CAN TAKE YOUR FEET AND I CAN KEEP YOUR FINGERS AND I CAN TAKE YOUR BONES AND I CAN TAKE YOUR BELLY and I CAN TAKE YOUR NECK OF EYE AND I CAN TEACH YOU ALL ABOUT THE GREATEST AND THE BLESSED RANGING WARRIORS OF OUR NATION AND THAT WE WILL BE LIKE THEM WHEN WE FIGHT

Hopkins FBI
Jan 4, 2015

MY SACRED POSTING VOW IS NOTHING, FOR WHILE I STAKED MY HONOR UPON MY COMMITMENT TO NEVER SUPPORT JOSEPH R. B. JUNIOR I HAVE SCANDALOUSLY ABANDONED MY PRINCIPLES
Bayley came out but then her music cut off as she revealed a new haircut and ring-gear, then took a set of shears and murdered the ring-staff with her bare hands.

She stood there, stunned. "You just killed me there. It's over."

But it wasn't. Instead, she jumped to her feet and screamed, "You're my bestfriend now!", while smashing the top of her head into the ground three times.

"My bestfriend" means my soulmate (I don't get it, either) but she meant my true best friend now. Her new, shiny black ring on her finger. And on her finger is a beautiful white diamond ring with three black diamonds in it.

She was a different woman to that before. She had lost her hair so she was wearing a big blonde wig and a huge silver necklace that she wore under a tight lace shirt and tight pants and she had been doing voice work all day.

And then there was that. The murder.

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?

And then there was that. The murder.

:hmmyes:

Angry_Ed posted:

Oney Warrior

I love the little uncapitalized "and" in there.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008

Bard Maddox posted:

He had a long list of names: Johnny Nitro, Johnny Mundo, Johnny Impact, Johnny Superstar, Johnny Ultra, Johnny Blackcraft, Johnny Pectoral, Johnny Prodigy, Johnny Rampage, Johnny Slaughter, Johnny SmackDown, Johnny Tornado, Johnny Taurus, Johnny Velocity, Johnny Vigil, Johnny Vick, Johnny X, Johnny Xtreme, Johnny Xtreme 1st, Johnny Xtreme 2nd, Johnny Xtreme 3rd, Johnny Xtreme Extreme, Johnny Xtreme Extreme 2, Johnny Xtreme Extreme 3, Johnny Xtreme Extreme 4, Johnny Xtreme Superstars, Johnny Xtreme Superstars 2, and Johnny Xtreme Superstars 3. It's a long list.

Shayna Baszler
Oct 24, 2001

i'll always take care of you
Muldoon
The lyrics to the song "Judas," performed by Chris Jericho and Fozzy, are as follows:


Wake up in the morning and there's a big fat, balding guy with a big fat dick

A fat, balding, balding man with a big fat dick

A fat, balding baldy with a big fat dick

I mean, you can't be all that good at your job

Unless you play his loving keyboard

And, when you're not doing your goddamn music

(I mean you can't be all that good at your job)

But you can be a great big fat bald head

(you can't be all that good at your job)

Oh

(I mean you can be a great big fat bald head)

Wake up in the morning and there's a big fat, balding guy with a big fat dick

A fat, balding, balding baldy with a big fat dick

I mean, you can't be all that good at your job

Unless you play his loving keyboard; and

(I

Son of Man
Jan 29, 2003

by Azathoth
It's as capable of poetry as nonsense

Defiance Industries
Jul 22, 2010

A five-star manufacturer


Jericho could get "fat balding baldy" over and you know it.

Venomous
Nov 7, 2011





Gedo send Ishii over to AEW you coward

Auritech
May 27, 2004

Blessed be the tailors
The masks are cut to fit

Blessed be the woodworkers
The crosses and the gallows

Blessed be the forgers of iron
And the spikes and the barbwire

Blessed be the stone cutters
It took a quarry to bury the dreams
I want to emphasize that an AI was the author of these words and not I because :stare:

Well, well it's the Big Show
Yes it's a big bad show tonight... dawg
Yeah it's the Big Show
Come on - Crank it up and turn on all the lights.. yall
wanna hear it?
So I asked for a bit of guidance from my boy Crank, he was a total hooligan and he was the biggest hooligan you could find. The cops were all on their phones and his voice was full of drugs and I'm sure he was in a mood to party that evening. They were like "what are you talking about?" I looked up at him and asked him "what if i'm a human being you see." And that's how I met my future wife.
It was like 'oh crap this guy is the biggest hooligan there ever was' and Crank just said "yeah he's not a bad guy he just hates women who gently caress other men." And that was just the story of what happened tonight.
It's like the Big Show
Crank, why are you calling this show 'The Big Show'?
Haha, I'm just saying. That's

Shayna Baszler
Oct 24, 2001

i'll always take care of you
Muldoon
Al Snow's "White Night"

There are a number of songs that fall under the category of "dark, haunting" or "soulful," but there is one song that stands out for its impact on the singer and to the songwriter: "White Night." Recorded in 1969 and released in 1970, the song was originally intended for the 1965 film Black Christmas, but the film was canceled and the song ended up on the '70s album The Band and the Bandits.

Snow would sing the song with this haunting combination of anger and loss:

There's a reason that I don't sleep, no matter how deep you sleep

And why I don't play with that toy you're playing with

No matter where you're going

It doesn't mean anything to me no more

You and I in the same world

I can't take it any more

And it hasn't been as bad a week as I thought it would be

I know what I'm doing no matter where I go

There's a reason that I don't have to talk

There's a reason why I don't have to cry

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008

quote:

The draft panel discussed the drafts for the night and said those not drafted today would be added to rosters by midnight tomorrow. Also they said there might be trades happening gently caress YOU NO NO TRADES gently caress OFF. You know what they say - no trades to me I'm just waiting to be drafted No trades to me. I have a draft and so do we. I'm not going to trade my draft to anyone else so make of that what you will.

I'll make one thing very clear here. This is not a "draft me in, draft me out" draft where I'll come over and steal your draft pick. This is a draft where we all have to do what we have to do to get our guy. That's what we signed up for. If you have an idea of who you think I should pick for you just let me know and it'll go from there. I'll be honest with you though. I'm not going to pick a guy who has a chance to help my team win. I don't have to. Maybe I'll go for it but don't expect me to.

This will be an interesting draft.

Codependent Poster
Oct 20, 2003

I can't deal with WWE's dogshit product anymore. I've held out as long as I can because I figured it was important to provide some kind of weekly guide on the biggest pro-wrestling company in the world but this is just becoming a giant drain on my time. If I keep writing these they're just going to get more and more negative and biased so I'm done. WWE is the greatest loving company in the world but I can no longer stand being a part of it. And you can all be the judge of that if you are interested!
And lastly, I can't take my poo poo seriously anymore when I'm told by certain people who have no loving clue what the gently caress they're talking poo poo about. Seriously, what the gently caress are they talking about? "Oh, you like wrestling, it's a cool, popular thing." That's a joke because there is no loving way I, as a fan of wrestling, would like it as much as you do. It's the closest thing to a hobby as you can have in this country so

The Firefly Funhouse finally aired and Bray declared YOWIE WOWIE! about Seth, who he thinks is strong and brave and smart... but THE FIEND never forgets. Ramblin' Rabbit appeared frightened but Bray told him he would be okay because "he" keeps us safe. Seth appeared out of nowhere and beat up Bray, then tore up the set while Ramblin' Rabbit screamed out in a panic. Bray rose up and tearfully asked Seth why he was doing this, and Seth literally set fire to the set and "burned it down" while shots of THE FIEND's face appeared on the screen. Seth then screamed at Ramblin' Rabbit, revealing that his goal was "to prove that THE WAND was the greatest thing ever created by God, and that he would one day burn in HELL for the sin of not knowing it." YOWIE WOWIE!! So that's when this happened...

The Firefly Funhouse finally aired and Bray declared YOWIE WOWIE! about Seth, who he thinks is strong and brave and smart... but THE FIEND never forgets. Ramblin' Rabbit appeared frightened but Bray told him he would be okay because "he" keeps us safe. Seth appeared out of nowhere and beat up Bray, then tore up the set while Ramblin' Rabbit screamed out in a panic. Bray rose up and tearfully asked Seth why he was doing this, and Seth literally set fire to everything around him, including some pretty old furniture and a television. YOWIE WOWIE!

When Ramblin' Rabbit returned to the Funhouse, he tried to tell Seth who is the real boss, but he did not listen, so he smashed Seth's head into the wall so hard it shattered and cut off his hands, which were trapped in the skull. (He has since put the broken hands up on the wall like something else, but they do say that "if you break something that doesn't belong to you, you are welcome.") In a bid to save his own

Pinche Rudo
Feb 8, 2005

Lana was getting a massage and asked if the amount of pressure was right, and she said she liked it harder. gently caress off, Vince McMahon you creepy old lech...

Vince was so annoyed when she did that he tried to push the massage chair away but she took it to her throat and he screamed. The entire time the cameras were rolling and there were people around screaming things that aren't funny and that I don't even get.

"I'm sorry if I offended you but I'll take you to dinner."

I was so pissed I ran downstairs and screamed it at the two guys in the hallway. They yelled something back and I was done with my bullshit and made my way home. I didn't tell my wife that.

This was just one of those nights.

What's your worst night?

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008
Gonna go back to doing art just as soon as I stumble into some spare time!

quote:

Ramblin Rabbit leveled the gun against his longtime abusers. But! Should he shoot his loving friend Bray Wyatt or that low down scoundrel THE FIEND? Doubt crept into the corners of Ramblin Rabbit's mind.

"I'm done."

"You'll be okay. Everything will be okay. Everything will be okay." He sighed. Ramblin Rabbit was scared of death. But it was the truth. If Bray Wyatt were to be killed, The Felt would have won. They didn't have to worry about Wyatt dying. Death was a thing of the past. But now that death was in the past, what about The Felt, who were the most important person in his life? What about his family? They'd all die without him! Would he be alright?

Ramblin Rabbit had to think of a solution. Ramblin Rabbit knew The Felt very well. The Felt taught Ramblin Rabbit all of his martial arts! Ramblin Rabbit knew the Felt was much larger than anyone believed. "I'm not going to do this." Ramblin Rabbit looked away. His body was tired and sore

a cyborg mug
Mar 8, 2010



Jerusalem posted:

"I've grown to hate [WWE Monday Night RAW] and I'm not going to do this anymore. I'm going to just watch the wrestling. I will say to those guys on the WWE Network, I'll give you my number. I'll put a number right on the website. I will say, if you ever show me an interesting match or something I might check it out, and see if you want to do this. I'm not going to waste my time watching the WWE Universe for the next year and a half. I don't want to see people lose their minds or get angry. I don't even want to see anyone get hurt."

Jerusalem also took a few minutes to bash the WWE Network, though he stopped short of saying he would quit watching it outright.

"I'm sorry that you don't have the option to watch WWE Network. I'm not going to be a guest at some hotel and watch WWE Network. No way. I don't get what they are about, it doesn't look good and it never has. I've been looking for someone on the other side of the curtain – like the WWE Network or another network or

(For the record, I changed someone's name to Jerusalem in this one. But that's the only change I made, honest!)

Next up: If Twitter had more characters.

Hulk Hogan posted:

Goodnight HULKAMANIACS and jabronie marks without a life that don't know it a work when you work a work and work yourself into a shoot,marks without a life when they're all in their pajamas, or even before they're in their pajamas. They're just...They're all...they're all...nothing to me.I will always love you, I promise and I will never make you regret it.I'm just...I'm a big-rear end rear end in a top hat, and I'm here for my audience.The world is just a big place, everyone have their places and they're just...just like you.You know.You love me.Oh man.

TAKA Michinoku posted:

Shut gently caress up long dick boy .Iike a sousage uwahahaha.I'm gonna blow u up.Oh poo poo u loving dick.You loving idiot...you dumbass.I'm taking u now.Oh shiite...yeah.Oh poo poo u poo poo son of a bitch...get to it.gently caress the loving loving guy .I'll smash your head in.I'm getting the gently caress out of here.No, gently caress the gently caress off...you're not even a real man...I don't care now.Ohshit...you're so bad .You're so bad...I swear I'll kick your loving butt.I'll get u some rear end.I'm not gonna let you run away.I don't give a poo poo where you live.I am the king of the hill.Get in here...you little poo poo...You're gonna get hosed.I'm gonna get up and poo poo your rear end...I don't like you little boy.If it wasn't for that poo poo, I wouldn't even gently caress you!Fag...gently caress that fag.This is really loving weird.Who were you calling a son of a bitch?

That one generated a lot of just absolute filth, holy poo poo.

The Iron Sheik posted:

HULK HOGAN IS NOT A JABRONI...... APRIL FOOLS DAY YOU loving JABRONI YOU AND YOU AIN'T GET IN ANY HOCKEY LEAGUE TO WATCH ME PLAY AND AIN'T TELLIN' NOBODY ABOUT IT YER JABRONI I AM GOING TO gently caress YOUR EYES OUT SO YOU CAN'T loving DONT FIND ME ANY MORE

a cyborg mug
Mar 8, 2010



I love the byzantine rulesets this thing comes up with. We're in for an exciting Royal Rumble next year, folks

quote:

There will be some big changes to the Royal Rumble next year. Here are the updated rules:

Each person entering the Royal Rumble must wear the name of his or her last opponent on their shirt.

The winner of the Rumble is given ten minutes to choose his or her opponent and, if he or she so chooses, must lose the match to that opponent before the winner is chosen.

If the winner loses the match while losing one or more points, the loser becomes the new winner.

If the match concludes due to disqualification, an alternate winner is determined by coin toss, with the winner and loser of the preceding match receiving points and a chance at the Royal Rumble title.

The loser of the preceding match is eliminated from the Rumble.

If a member of the winning team is injured or disqualified they are immediately disqualified from the Rumble.

If there is a tie between teams after the Rumble, the losing team will be awarded the right to try to earn a place in the Royal Rumble again.

The winner of the Rumble then becomes the new head referee for WrestleMania.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008

quote:

It's very possible the only thought behind the cucking angle is to harm Rusev and Lana's marriage. Rusev is, after all, Rusev and Lana's boyfriend and Rusev has never been shy about revealing his love for Lana. He's also quite the gentleman. But it's also possible the cuck angle was something created by WWE writers to show Rusev and Lana having sex outside of the wrestling ring, thus taking the spotlight off them. That would explain the timing of that angle: Before a match.

The whole match was an epic example of what happens when a company's story isn't told. When the match reached its final minutes, the WWE announcer said, "We think the match will have a tremendous impact on this audience."

It was a huge moment in this saga: a win for Rusev and a huge move for NXT. It gave NXT credibility, and it gave WWE credibility. For a brief few minutes, it gave everyone else pause and it was glorious. Then Rusev and Lana left stage, and the WWE Universe was left wondering what went wrong.

When it was over, Rusev wasn

frankenfreak
Feb 16, 2007

I SCORED 85% ON A QUIZ ABOUT MONDAY NIGHT RAW AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY TEXT

#bastionboogerbrigade
I admit I wanted Palladino's potty mouth lead the AI into more dirty words, but this was too good to pass on:

Ring announcer Rich Palladino introduced the main event: "The following contest is a loving tag team match. It's fuckin' awesome."

It really is a loving awesome match. There is nothing wrong with it.

This match would put any other super hardcore promotion on a level, and make its star a household name.

Superstars would jump about the ring a mile. When they touched the ropes, they dropped like raindrops.

When Superstar Luke Harper put in that big slam on a young, athletic guy named Davey Boy Smith, the crowd would start chanting, "Superstar Luke Harper makes Smith tap!"

Not much happens between hits like Luke Harper made Smith do, but what happens is incredible.

The fans are into it.

Superstar Luke Harper makes Smith tap.

Superstar Luke Harper makes Smith tap.

Superstar Luke Harper makes Smith tap.

This man literally took on Davey Boy Smith.

His name is Superstar Luke Harper. He is Superstar Luke Harper.

a cyborg mug
Mar 8, 2010



That sounds like a wonderful dream Luke Harper would have just before waking up and remembering he's an eternal prisoner of WWE :smith:

frankenfreak
Feb 16, 2007

I SCORED 85% ON A QUIZ ABOUT MONDAY NIGHT RAW AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY TEXT

#bastionboogerbrigade
I kept hitting the button in the increasingly dwindling hope it would produce something dirty and funny, but the two dirty things it spat our were not really funny. It did spit out plenty of nuggets of funny though:
  • They engaged in an interesting tag sequence with Paul "Triple H" Levesque pulling on Goldberg's hair while Goldberg pinned Kurt Angle with a clothesline.
  • Ring announcer Rich Palladino introduced the main event: "The following contest is a loving tag team match. A tag team, of course. There will only be two. The man who wears the most leather has got to be the victor. Well, it will be the one with the most leather. It's our tag team title match." He then asked, "The one with the least leather?"
  • The winner of this match will be crowned the "Ultimate Warrior: Ultimate Warrior: Ultimate Warrior" on April 4, 2004 in the arena owned by Pro Wrestling Tees (the company that produced "Ultimate Warrior" and "The Ultimate Warrior: Road Warriors" and which owns "Ultimate Warrior," as well as the "Ultimate Warrior: Unforgiven" and "Ultimate Warrior: One Night Stands" video projects) at the University of Southern California's L.A. Live Arena.
  • In fact, the match did end, as the winner, The Miz, and the other Miz took each other out after five rounds, but instead of giving The Miz the victory, Vince McMahon put over Chris Bosh to beat him.
  • The "Super Samoan" Sting
  • Sting defeated Stingzilla in just three minutes.
  • Triple H (who had a fake beard in tow)
  • Ring announcer Rich Palladino introduced the main event: "The following contest is a loving tag team match. If you're standing, you're out. If you're sitting, you're in! Whoever has the most number of pin and holds the most ring gear wins. Whoever has the most number of people on fire when he runs out of the ring is the last man standing, and he gets to win the title…"
  • The "Shoulder Charge to the Death Match" type match was actually a very old-school tag match in which the "Superior Destroyer" Steve Williams, the "Super Bad Boy," and the "Super Bad Guy" Scott Stapp would do battle.
  • Ring announcer Rich Palladino introduced the main event: "The following contest is a loving tag team match. I'm gonna give you all my money back if you guys don't do anything and I'm gonna make you all give it back if you do!" The guys spent much of the time dancing, and even making out; they didn't leave the ring until Piper threw down, dropping Bellator MMA welterweight champion Sean Strickland with a spinning back fist to the face as Strickland was still standing and bellows, "You're f'ing dumb!" Piper and Strickland continued to hold their heads in disbelief as the referees announced they had each earned their own $100,000 as the main event. Piper, meanwhile, was told by "The New York Times" to keep his pants on before a fight or he would be disqualified and be "caught in a crotch shot from inside out". As Piper was leaving, an announcer asked him if it was just "a bit of fun?" [14]
  • Ring announcer Rich Palladino introduced the main event: "The following contest is a loving tag team match. So who the hell wants to be in the WWE? It's a loving tag team tournament to determine who the best tag team in the world is. Who the gently caress wants to be in the WWE? It's a tag team tournament to determine that." McMahon's response?

    "Who the gently caress wants to be in the WWE?"

Pinche Rudo
Feb 8, 2005

Sting couldn't draw but Stingzilla sure could

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008

quote:

There is a universe where Britt Baker and Adam Page are the champs and I want to live in that universe so I can effort post about how actually it's real good for pages at a time.

There is a universe where Britt Baker and Adam Page both win the World Cup, and I want to see a series of pictures of the pair celebrating their triumphs, and one of the pictures of the Cup. I want to see what might have beeen between them on that day on the pitch.

There is a universe where Britt Baker and Adam Page both win the World Cup and I want to watch them in the stands watching the celebrations all the way up to the final whistle.

There is a universe where Britt Baker and Adam Page are both in the World Cup, and I just need someone to make sure they get the World Cup trophy and hand it to them.

I can't take that to be true. I've never seen one of those worlds. But I can't not see them.

Because they are so plausible. So perfectly plausible.

It's just that there's that one problem.

frankenfreak
Feb 16, 2007

I SCORED 85% ON A QUIZ ABOUT MONDAY NIGHT RAW AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY TEXT

#bastionboogerbrigade

reignofevil posted:

There is a universe where Britt Baker and Adam Page both win the World Cup, and I want to see a series of pictures of the pair celebrating their triumphs
It's like Transformer is talking to you. :v:

Hopkins FBI
Jan 4, 2015

MY SACRED POSTING VOW IS NOTHING, FOR WHILE I STAKED MY HONOR UPON MY COMMITMENT TO NEVER SUPPORT JOSEPH R. B. JUNIOR I HAVE SCANDALOUSLY ABANDONED MY PRINCIPLES
Becky Lynch vs. Charlotte Flair gained 265,000 viewers. Andrade vs. Ali and the draft picks lost 259,000 viewers. Viking Raiders vs. Robert Roode & Dolph Ziggler quarter first loss 176,000 viewers but the finish of the match and Aleister Black vs. Eric Young gained 144,000 viewers. Draft picks and the angle with the Street Profits vs. The OC lost 182,000 viewers. Ricochet vs. Shelton Benjamin and the Lana/Bobby Lashley segment gained 69,000 viewers. That's it. And I don't know what else to do with this report, other than say "gently caress IT, LET'S DO A FIGHTER. NOW." You have no idea what it's like to be a pro wrestler on a televised show. It's like a life of extreme privledge, being able to be anything your heart desires as long as you're paying your dues. I know I feel that way, every time I step into the ring these days. I don't know what I'm going to do with my life, but I know this thing called pro wrestling

karmicknight
Aug 21, 2011
This got weird.

Chuck Taylor called New Japan's Power Struggle 2018, and he should call all future New Japan shows.
He also wrote about his time with Pro Wrestling Guerrilla. I read an entire article on how he did his job so well and also how WWE and the WWE Hall of Famer were a bit disrespectful to him, which has nothing to do with what makes this an awesome show or what I've discussed here at TNA Impact!
I'd also like to mention that I'm excited for this week when TNA returns to TNA Impact TV. I've been watching TNA on the internet for a long time and for the first couple weeks or so it was difficult to watch TNA with an audience and make a decision whether or not it was time to move on. This week the wrestling does not disappoint, and now I can say that I can watch TNA on TV, as opposed to just through internet access, which had been the case for a while. That means I have more to look forward to each week, which is usually what I'm excited about. Plus TNA in TNA! Thank you

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008

quote:

Vince curled his lip in anger - AEW had beaten Raw in the rating for the third straight week in a row. The ghost of dusty rhodes had been telling the truth that cold October night. It was too early in the evening for the ratings to be dropping. "How long shall we wait for you, Vince?" the voice yelled from the television.


Vince grimaced at the voice which, for all its harshness, sounded somewhat friendly, and started counting the seconds to the announcement that Raw was back on a night when no one was watching. After three seconds of silence, she began yelling at him - "Get in there! I've got him!" She shouted with a maniacal growl and slammed the table and all the chairs and blankets around him to the ground. The room swelled with a sudden rush of energy. After a few seconds the crowd gave way to a sudden sense of relief and calm, the anger was almost absent. Vince stood on the threshold, looking the man in the eyes as he took a deep breath and began to walk out of the locker room on the main ramp. The last ten minutes of Vince McMahon

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?

"The Last Ten Minutes of Vince McMahon" is a hell of a title for a Stephen King short story.

Hopkins FBI
Jan 4, 2015

MY SACRED POSTING VOW IS NOTHING, FOR WHILE I STAKED MY HONOR UPON MY COMMITMENT TO NEVER SUPPORT JOSEPH R. B. JUNIOR I HAVE SCANDALOUSLY ABANDONED MY PRINCIPLES
John Cena announced on Twitter that he had been cast in the movie of the same name. "I don't know how to feel about this whole thing but, to the best of my ability, will cast me in this film 'Blessed' as Prince Charles," he tweeted. The actor's tweet was also accompanied by a photograph with his hair down and the words "It'll be Prince at The Prince of Wales and The Paps' pleasure!" Below is the synopsis for the new film, which is directed by David O'Russell.

The new film, "Blessed," stars Michael Fassbender as Prince Charles and Matt Smith as the Queen's head of household. In honor of the Queen's 70th birthday, a series of magical events occur surrounding the day the royal family meets. In one of these events, a young boy is discovered by the Queen who immediately finds himself transported to a fantasy world. When a young girl is also caught up in the dream, he is reunited with his grandfather and sister. Meanwhile, Prince Charles' magical amulet has been stolen from him in the real world and the prince must

Angry_Ed
Mar 30, 2010




Grimey Drawer
Hulk Hogan returns to Hollywood as he stars in a new series, the Hulk Hogan Sex Tape. Watch the trailer.

... :stonk:

Let's try that again.

***

Hulk Hogan returns to Hollywood as he stars in the movie adaptation of "Hulkamania: Legend of the Hulkamaniac." Hogan is starring in the movie that centers around Hulk Hogan's wild, "real life" escapades with "Sexy" Michelle Schubert, who, alongside her husband, Eddie Guerrero, became famous in 1992. The duo had been married in the mid-1980s when Hogan sued the WWE for $100 million over his match at WrestleMania 3, which made him the WWF's first world champion. HULK AND GROVE HAVE A RACE ON HULK AMEN, HULK AND HULK AMEN

Hogan was forced to pay the WWE to keep his match with Stephanie McMahon from being featured on the WWE Network as he was involved with his wife's former boyfriend, Michael "Hulkamania" Jackson. Hogan filed suit against the WWE, saying Hogan was unfairly fired for a non-fight and sued for punitive and compensatory damages. After a three-week trial in October 1995, a judge awarded Hogan almost $100 million in

a cyborg mug
Mar 8, 2010



Ok, let’s go back to the basics.

quote:

The rules of a pro wrestling match:

1.) You are wrestling a living person you won't actually kill - unless you do it by your own hand.

2.) You are allowed to do ANYTHING that makes you uncomfortable, to the point you are not even human any more.

3.) You may kill or get stabbed/maim/beat up anything, ever.

4.) You are allowed to eat anything, any time, anywhere.

5.) If you have to sit down you may do so, however you are NOT allowed to sit down at all on any wrestler you have not defeated.

6.) Your name can be said out loud, or you may say your name in an announcer's voice.

7.) You may not ever throw objects you are not throwing.

8.) You may not ever throw anything you are not throwing.

9.) If you have to say someone's name over and over and over again, say it.

10.) If you are given something as a prize, you may use it and then not

Also, here’s a sadly unused version of Billy Gunn’s ”Assman” theme

quote:

I’m an rear end man
Yeah I’m an rear end man (Yeah!)
I love to love ’em
I love to kick ’em
I love to shove ’em
I love to stick ’em
Love to flaunt ’em
I love to watch ’em
I love to pick ’em
And I’m gonna kick ’em
’Cause I’m an rear end Man
Yeah, I’m an rear end man
Yes I’m an rear end man (OH!)
I’m an rear end Man

gently caress You All
Oh yeah, gently caress you all
Yeah yeah, gently caress you all
Yeah, gently caress you all
Yes I'm an rear end Man
gently caress You All

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?

extradite THIS! posted:

The rules of a pro wrestling match:

Delete this, you accidentally posted the rules of Wrestlers' Court instead! Undertaker's gonna break our knees!

Venomous
Nov 7, 2011





The rules of a professional wrestling match:

Every 10 minutes (the amount of time is fixed but varies), a match ends. During the match, every person in the ring is eliminated in a 3-way match. You are eliminated if:

The crowd shouts or boo.

You are struck with a steel chair.

You lose control of your body when you fall.

Your opponent, in the next minute, punches you in the face.

You do not pass out.

You cannot continue for more than a few seconds because you do not feel well.

Do not have weapons on yourself or your opponent, unless you are the ring leader.

Do not enter the ring or engage a member of the crowd.

If a member of the crowd or a member of your entourage is attacking you, run away for 2 minutes. You can also attack if a member of your entourage grabs you and strikes you.

The last person in the ring is eliminated.

a cyborg mug
Mar 8, 2010



Anything "rules" generates some amazing stuff. At one point yesterday when I was trying to get good rulesets I got something like "The match ends when the ring is full of dead people who have been killed by the wrestlers."

Edit: Here’s one I saved but didn’t post yesterday:

quote:

The rules of a pro wrestling match:

1.) The show starts at 8pm.

2.) All people on the show are allowed to be there at the same time.

3.) Everyone on the show must be over 18.

4.) There are no refunds if you are late.

5.) There are NO REFUNDS.

6.) At the completion of the match, you may leave. It is mandatory.

7.) If you leave, NO ONE WILL GET THEIR MONEY BACK.

8) There may be a 2 hour waiting period for those who are leaving late.

9.) After that, the show begins.

10.) All you have to do is listen to everything as it's said to you on the microphone. That's the entire thing, just listen.

11.) There are times when wrestlers show up and leave, so DON'T leave, do your duty and keep the show going. I can't tell you how many times I've said something, and the announcer or producer starts yelling at me

NO REFUNDS.

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a cyborg mug
Mar 8, 2010



Uh oh! They added even more stipulations to the Wyatt vs Rollins blood money match!

quote:

Seth Rollins vs ”The Fiend” Bray Wyatt
Universal championship
Falls count anywhere
Can’t be stopped for any reason

Canīt wrestle outside the ring
Canīt win a battle royale
Canīt get taken down
Canīt win on commentary
Canīt be distracted from the match
Canīt get on camera
Canīt work under duress
Canīt do anything the referee says
Canīt break the fourth wall
If a match is more than 20 minutes
Can't drop any bombs
Can't get your opponent over
Canīt lose
Canīt be broken up
Canīt lose the momentum
Canīt get taken out to a no contest
Canīt lose the time limit
Canīt lose the match
Canīt take the mic
Canīt win
Canīt win the match
Canīt win the match
Canīt get any of your opponents pinned
Canīt get hurt by one of your opponents
Canīt get hurt by

I’m just having the time of my life with this thing. Sorry if I’m :justpost:ing too much

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