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GORDON posted:Wisdom teeth pulled in bootcamp in 1991. I got loving Motrin and 3 days of light duty. It's really weird when they try to prescribe me ibuprofen or regular Tylenol. No thanks, I've got a huge bottle at home already. When it comes to opioids, codeine, hydrocodone, and morphine don't affect me in any way. That goes over real well.
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Nov 11, 2019 02:19
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quote:I am somewhat fortunate that my case is different in that I adopted an older child. I can kind of put the years she was with me in a box.
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Nov 11, 2019 02:28
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AuntBuck posted:These people always make sure everyone knows their child is adopted so they can be constantly praised for adopting a child and also constantly reminding said child of how much they have done for them. I grew up near a family that had adopted children. If they hadn't told everyone, no one would have guessed their first son was adopted. The kid could have grown up and gone to school without the stigma of being adopted. But that would have benefited the kid, not the parents. You'd think people could realise that we have a societal gold standard for adoptive parents, and they're literally Superman's family.
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Nov 11, 2019 05:10
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Ghost Leviathan posted:You'd think people could realise that we have a societal gold standard for adoptive parents, and they're literally Superman's family. They had to keep it secret because "we found him in a field" was unlikely to go over well.
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Nov 11, 2019 06:29
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I would argue the gold standard in how to treat your adopted children was set by Harpo Marx and his family. Also in the way to tell kids they are adopted without shame, or stigma.
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Nov 11, 2019 08:14
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Ghost Leviathan posted:You'd think people could realise that we have a societal gold standard for adoptive parents, and they're literally Superman's family. It'd be nice if we had standards yes. Continuing to refer to your adult children as adopted in every conversation is weird and wrong.
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Nov 11, 2019 22:02
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There was an r/relationships post of a guy who's parents at a party (one of their birthdays?) were talking about how much they uplifted him by adopting him and they sacrificed so much and blah blah. He left fighting back tears and they called him to shriek about him embarrassing them in front of their friends. Now all four of their kids don't talk to them
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Nov 11, 2019 22:17
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In regards to the "MY ADOPTED KID AND IN NO WAY MY REAL BIOLOGICAL KID" lady, pretty sure anyone who works that hard to distance themselves from their parenting was maybe maybe a lovely parent.
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Nov 12, 2019 00:05
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Stories like these make my very normal, not dramatic adoption seem even more chill by comparison.
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Nov 12, 2019 00:14
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She says the daughter was adopted late, making it impossible (and weird) to pretend like she wasn't adopted. This doesn't excuse the mom for being lovely and trying to distance herself (no need to mention it there, anyways) but there are situations where you wouldn't do that. My brother, for instance, still had parents whom he would see occasionally but just weren't capable of taking care of him. It would be weird to pretend he was anything but an adopted child.
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Nov 12, 2019 00:25
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It's not weird or bad to tell your adopted child that they are adopted. They will find out sooner or later anyway, and it is best they find out from their adoptive parents. It is weird and bad however, to treat adopted children different to biological children. Or to infer that the adopted child was a burden that the parents saintly took on, and that the child should be thankful for. It is weird and bad to make the child feel bad, less than, or ashamed that they were adopted. Or worse, that they were only adopted because something is wrong with them. So I am not against parents telling people that their adult children are adopted. But there is a huge difference between saying "Our son, who we adopted when he was 5", and "Our adopted son". One is only mentioning the circumstances how your son came into your home, the other is making a difference between him and if he was your "real" son. On the other side, I also think it is weird and bad to make it a big secret that a child is adopted. It should not be made to be something that is shameful, that needs to be hidden from the child, and other people. This also makes the kid feel like they are somehow worse/less than 'normal' people with their bio parents when they find out. They can also sometimes feel betrayed, lied to, and abandoned by both biological and adoptive parents. Which is obviously a bad thing.
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Nov 12, 2019 01:33
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Ideally, children should never feel indebted to their parents. Unless they die in a fire rescuing them or something.
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Nov 12, 2019 01:57
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Even well meaning adoptive parents have to walk a tightrope to avoid making their adoptive kids feel lovely. Add other factors like trans racial adoption and there's a lot to consider. The reality is that most people that adopt are ultimately doing it for one self serving reason or another; they may be unable to have kids biologically, or they think they are helping some child have a better life. These things in of themselves arent necessarily bad, but rubbing it in the kids face that they were plan B in making a family or exist solely from the generosity of the adoptive parents is definitely harmful. It seems more common among boomers or religious people, and not surprisingly these groups also tend to do more international and private ad options because in lieu of actually having to prove you'll be functional patents to the state they can just give some sketchy adoption agency a bag of money instead.
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Nov 12, 2019 06:10
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getting close to telling my dad no more political talk or we're done
Bearjew fucked around with this message at 15:04 on Nov 12, 2019 |
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Nov 12, 2019 14:53
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quote:My younger sister, with whom I’ve always been close, and help out endlessly (she in in a permanent state of chaos & has two children whom I look after, pick up, encourage, …) anyway I’ve found out that she is in my estranged son’s inner circle and includes him in her life. I can’t do much about that, and don’t want to either, but she knew about the new baby, knew I was hurting, and never so much asked me if I was ok. I saw her yesterday in the supermarket, and I had just been fighting back tears, and she asked me how I was. I said I was ok, and she texted me saying that I seemed a little bit down. I responded telling her that I was feeling sad that I have found out that everyone else seemed to know about the baby. The hardest thing is that now we have this huge elephant in the room as no one knew that I knew. She said, Oh that must be tough. I’m not stupid. My meddling older brother let us know that she was showing in March, so it must have been born by now. I now know that all of my extended family knew about the baby, and all were sworn to secrecy. They have all known since it was born which was three months ago, and all have kept this from me for all of this time.
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Nov 12, 2019 15:58
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I had a missed call from my mom's work and so I unblocked her to do some snooping and make sure she was okay. My mom posted poo poo on social media that said "if someone cuts you off don't give them the middle finger because it gives them unjustified anger". Like who thinks to themselves "poo poo my kid cut me off oh well gently caress her" Instead of "poo poo my kid went against all social expectations and biological instinct and cut me off maybe I should try to fix this" As a mother myself that thought process is totally nonsensical. If she gave me one single genuine apology and made an effort to not be lovely I'd have a relationship with her. But she would rather be right than be happy. Oh wait who am I kidding being an eternal victim where nothing is ever your fault makes her happy. Welp time to block her again 
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Nov 12, 2019 21:00
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My job makes it hard to spend time with my family at Christmas when they decided to so it half way across the country. We do a special holiday event that gets really busy and taking time off during that isn't always possible. The tines everyone went out east and I didn't I'd get lectured relentlessly about how I clearly don't care about them when I'm just trying to keep my job. So one year I did it. I went out there. It loving sucked. Everyone fought, my mom told my sister she wished she wasn't gay, I overheard my mom say she understood what it was like to want to kill your kid, she admitted she hates being around me and anyone else because I'm happier than when I'm with just her, she ranted about not being invited on a date with my husband. I honestly regretted it. They threatened to disown me back then if I didn't go and I should have just accepted it because now we're estranged anyway over different poo poo.
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Nov 12, 2019 21:22
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Ebola Roulette posted:
Just assume that apology will never come. By all means, keep it as a condition, but also add that she must write it unicorn blood so you're clear on the odds.
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Nov 12, 2019 22:03
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Clitch posted:Just assume that apology will never come. By all means, keep it as a condition, but also add that she must write it unicorn blood so you're clear on the odds. watches in horror as mom flies to Africa to illegally hunt an endangered rhinoceros and still writes a passive aggressive apology letter about her and includes several guilt trips while insulting other family members who took your side
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Nov 12, 2019 22:50
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Relentless posted:watches in horror as mom flies to Africa to illegally hunt an endangered rhinoceros and still writes a passive aggressive apology letter about her and includes several guilt trips while insulting other family members who took your side Followed by a torrent of Facebook posts about how she apologized exactly as she was supposed to even though she totally did nothing wrong and that ED/ES is cutting her off again for NO REASON and moving the goalposts YET AGAIN and clearly she needs to just go over to that child's place and give them a piece of her mind
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Nov 12, 2019 23:38
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What Science Knows About Adult Child-Parent Estrangement quote:In case you’re interested, the more estrangements a person had in life, the more likely they were to exhibit narcissism and other not-so-wonderful traits.
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Nov 14, 2019 22:03
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Ebola Roulette posted:My mom posted poo poo on social media that said "if someone cuts you off don't give them the middle finger because it gives them unjustified anger". Are you sure that wasn't a post about traffic and road rage?
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Nov 15, 2019 07:13
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SidneyIsTheKiller posted:Are you sure that wasn't a post about traffic and road rage? Sounds like it, but "sit meekly and smile blandly while some fucker tries to run you off the road with their SUV" is the theme of this thread in a microcosm.
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Nov 16, 2019 17:21
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Something a soon to be estranged parent would hang in their house. 
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Nov 17, 2019 15:46
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nashona posted:Something a soon to be estranged parent would hang in their house. Estranged nothing, this is one step away from being the manifesto of one of those killers who has a mental break
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Nov 17, 2019 15:54
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nashona posted:Something a soon to be estranged parent would hang in their house. What the gently caress? That is awful.
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Nov 17, 2019 16:51
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nashona posted:Something a soon to be estranged parent would hang in their house. These are the same people that stick "Live, Love, Laugh" kitsch everywhere.
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Nov 17, 2019 17:19
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nashona posted:Something a soon to be estranged parent would hang in their house. Fortunately, my experience in the whole thing is limited. I'm not estranged, just disrespectful, because my mother sometimes has to call me...apparently I should always be the one calling her 
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Nov 17, 2019 18:10
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nashona posted:Something a soon to be estranged parent would hang in their house. Imagine that plaque reformatted without the pseudo-folksy mashup of typefaces and instead is just a plain block of bold text framed on a wall at your mom’s house. 
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Nov 17, 2019 19:23
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I remember one of those primitives by Kathy that said "I'm your mum your argument is invalid." I don't think that huge one is real though because it would cost $150 based on the prices of the small ones
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Nov 17, 2019 19:40
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Admiralty Flag posted:Fortunately, my experience in the whole thing is limited. I'm not estranged, just disrespectful, because my mother sometimes has to call me...apparently I should always be the one calling her Mine straight up told me it's the child's responsibility to keep in touch, not the parents. They'd rather believe in some weird forced powerplay dynamic rather than a natural organic relationship and I think it's a major root to a lot of estrangements. And they don't see it as hypocritical because they view relationships as balances of power where they expect people in their lives to behave a certain way, and if they don't, clearly that person is bad and they've now been victimized.
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Nov 17, 2019 19:53
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Sarah Problem posted:What the gently caress? That is awful. I think it's a joke
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Nov 17, 2019 21:38
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Sailor Cat posted:I think it's a joke
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Nov 17, 2019 21:53
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Sailor Cat posted:I think it's a joke You know deep down that someone has that displayed completely unironically in their home somewhere.
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Nov 17, 2019 21:55
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Don't doxx my dad y'all. He once called the campus cops on me because we had a screaming match over the phone and then I slept elsewhere and didn't pick up the 21 or so times he'd called (and those were just the times he left a voice mail). Pre cell phones, of course. I guess he had tried to call my work (campus IT), but we didn't open the office on weekends, and the voicemail greeting there said something like, "if this is an emergency, call this number to get ahold of the cops," so... He's mellowed since. It's to the point now where he apologizes if he texts me more than a couple times a day. But back then, yikes.
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Nov 17, 2019 22:12
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Mr. Lobe posted:Estranged nothing, this is one step away from being the manifesto of one of those killers who has a mental break
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Nov 17, 2019 22:33
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Picnic Princess posted:Mine straight up told me it's the child's responsibility to keep in touch, not the parents. They'd rather believe in some weird forced powerplay dynamic rather than a natural organic relationship and I think it's a major root to a lot of estrangements. Yes. I got told i'm disrespectful and selfish and irresponsible and lazy for not calling my mother and acting as her therapist once a day, but luckily I just internalized all those things and continued to never call her because she gives me actual flashbacks, lol. I haven't figured out yet how to tell her that I just don't want more than a distant, polite relationship because her anger issues were so bad she gave me ptsd. She'll probably think it's very rude that I haven't healed by now. Any short, stout, white boomer lady with short hair reminds me of her and it's hard for me not to lash out when they do their boomer/Karen things in my vicinity.
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Nov 17, 2019 22:52
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Strep Vote posted:I haven't figured out yet how to tell her that I just don't want more than a distant, polite relationship Don't even try to do this because you'll get an extreme reaction and then she'll "forget" what you said within a few days anyway
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Nov 17, 2019 23:01
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Daddy says im the best at french kissing. (USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
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Nov 18, 2019 00:53
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Xlorp posted:Respect and authority can only be compelled. I mean a joke made by the child of a crazy person, like someone made a kitschy home decoration with photoshop that described their crazy parent's attitudes, beliefs, and probably a couple direct quotes. It wouldn't be out-of-place as a post in this thread as exactly that.
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Nov 18, 2019 01:00
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