Rejected Parents: if you can't figure it out you don't deserve a blog

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Royal W: Jun 20, 2008

Veni Vidi Ameche! posted:

Yeah. You can forgive your best friend Lucas's guinea pig Danger Mouse for biting your finger hard enough to draw blood, but that doesn't mean you have to shove your finger back into her habitat.

I mean, with a name like Danger Mouse, you're really taking your life in your hands anyway. :unsmigghh:

# ? Dec 10, 2019 04:13

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 01:40

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

Veni Vidi Ameche! posted:

Yeah. You can forgive your best friend Lucas's guinea pig Danger Mouse for biting your finger hard enough to draw blood, but that doesn't mean you have to shove your finger back into her habitat.

I hope the lawsuit settled in your favor for a ton of greenbacks

# ? Dec 10, 2019 18:40

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

BrigadierSensible posted:

What annoys me about this is the daughter is 34. That's plenty old enough to be living an independent life away from a bad mother that she doesn't like.

Yet the mum writes this froofy, frilly, saccharine rant about how much she misses her pretty little girl and all the cutesy baby stuff she did decades ago.

I have a good(ish) relationship with my parents, yet if when I was 34 they had written a similar thing about all the stuff I had done when I was a little kid, I would have been mortified.

34 is a grown up. Let her live her goddamned life.

Issendai.com suggested that this is the parents thinking about how wonderful things were before their children hit about 6 or 8 years old- old enough to have their own ideas and preferences and to say no and stand up to their parents.

Here's a weird one. Second post is recent, first one is about nine months earlier. Either this woman didn't bother mentioning her fifth child at first, there's some mental illness at play, or she had a baby in the past 9 months (and there's some mental illness at play, my guess is hoarding). Or a troll.

quote:

You all know the pain that I�m feeling � it�s nice to not have to try and explain it. People who haven�t been through it don�t really understand, do they? I hope I belong here.

I have four children two daughter�s (32 and 28) and two son�s (19 and 13.) I have had issue with on again off again estrangment with my daughter�s because of their father spreading lies about me. My older son moved out at 18 and started talking to me less and less and refused to come see us for Christmas 2 years sgo and then changed his phone number and blocked me and his father (my ex, different than my daughter�s father) on facebook. He would not tell me why even though I begged for an explanation. I suspect my daughter�s and their father are involved as I know my son still speaks to them. My daughter�s contact me when they want to and are very verbally abusve and try to criticize how I am raising my 13 year old son, and then give me silent treatments for moths if I defend myself. My second oldest just had my very first grandchild, and I am terrified of having her taken from from me now like my 19 year old has been. It�s terrible to see that others have suffered this pain, but I�m grateful to find I am not all alone

yesterday, my oldest who has been in contact with me (critical contact, but contact), blew up! She said some terribly hurtful things and they have been stuck in my mind fr some time.

The one that is most stuck is when I told her that I had expected them to be in my life with as well as I had raised and treated them! We were poor, but they were my world and I always did the best I could and put them first. She said constantly bringing it up was manipulative� perhaps it is� but I don�t know how else to explain to them how hard I workd and how devastating it is to have them be so critical of me.

then she said (parraphrase, I don�t remember the exact words) �You keep acting like what you did was so selfless, but if you only provided for us because you expected us to obey you for the rest of our lives, even if it makes us miserable, then it wasn�t selfless at all�

I was shocked! We�ve had our problems, sure, especially with her father, but never once had she said I made her �miserable.� I didn�t even know what to say! I�ve never demanded obedience from her! I can be stuborn and bullheaded, but so can she, and we�re both adults. I tried to ask her when I had ever demanded she obey me, and she started just shouting!!! I was very stunned, to say the least! They are very critical, but normaly in a very snide way, she has never yelled at me like this before. She said that there are plenty of ways to make demands indrectly and she didn�t have the energy to explian it to me and stormed out of my house.

Her words have been echoing in my mind all day and night. Is expecting your adult children to have a relationship with you selfish? I feel terrible that she feels so miserable around me, but I don�t know how to fix it because she refuses to talk to me about it. I feel that she�s back in the �off� positon and will go running back to my ex who will convice her that she was too nice to me to even talk to me at all.

I�m very afraid that my second youngest will be dragged into this and I�ll be seperate from my granddaughter. I want to fix things but I�m so scared of saying the wrong thing. My youngest was fortunately not around for this blowup, but I dread having to tell him that his sister is shunning us again.

quote:

I am living what I believe would be considered a worst nightmare for many. Trying to come up with the words to describe it is difficult. I can�t really blame my EC (four, two girls, two boys) for how they see me. They learned to seem me in a very warped way from how my abusive ex treated me � I was always to blame for family problems, and I allowed that scapegoating to happen for a long time. By the time I had realized how bad things were, my children had already learned that when something went wrong, it was mom�s fault. It�s not really their fault � to them it is the only way things were for a long time, and it is their normal. I have accepted that to them I will always be the reason Dad was so mean, the reason their childhoods were so difficult and rife with cruelty from their father. With some things, people have to see for themselves. No amount of explaining his cruelty or abusiveness, or talking badly about him will change their view of him, or me. That is their journey.

I had made peace with that, to the best of my ability. And I eventually found another man, who was wonderful in his own right, and we got engaged. The issue is that he did not want children, and I miraculously fell pregnant at age 55! I thought this might be my second chance at motherhood. My new fiance was not pleased that I wanted to keep this child, and left. It was a dealbreaker for him, which I understand, and I figured if I had raised four children not just alone, but with an abusive husband undermining me, I could probably be a single mother this time around. I did not tell my EC about my pregnancy as by that time we were quite distant and most of our conversations devolved into blaming and shaming.

I had my daughter, the birth and pregnancy went by with no complications, and she was so sweet and beautiful. She hardly even cried, and seemed like an old soul. I loved her very much. and then my EC found out and they were quite upset. They immediately called CPS on me, despite having never even met their half-sister. I don�t know what they said, but the workers that showed up were very aggressive and dismissive, criticizing my home and even my attire. They determined that my home was not safe for an infant and removed her from my custody � and they placed her with my oldest ED!

I was given supervised visitation, where the 40-something childless worker would criticize me constantly � how I held her, how I fed her, even how I played with her. I allowed it and did not fight back or complain because I was terrified that it would worsen my chances. Then I ran into health problems because of my age and weight. Because of this, they determined me incapable of caring for a young child, and terminated my rights, giving my ED full custody.

I was willing to accept that perhaps my health was not good enough to care for a young child, and play a more grandmotherly role to my youngest. But the moment CPS stopped being involved, and enforcing supervised visits, I was cut off immediately. I bonded with her so strongly and lost her so suddenly, and my EC have gone entirely cold. I understand that my children are adults and have every right to decide who is in their lives, but it hurts very much for them to not allow any kind of visitation and ignore calls. I have taken the hint and stopped trying to call or text, but they have not asked me to stop sending packages, so I still send gifts for Christmas and Birthdays. I don�t expect any kind of response, as I understand they want nothing to do with me. But I do want my youngest to know I care for her.

It has been three years since the cut off, and for a while I did think of ending my life. But I know that would only complicate things for my youngest even further, even if we never meet, as adopted children often have questions about their origins and whether they were wanted. So I intend to keep going in the hope that we can both get some closure, even if she does not see me as her mother or want to be in my life as she will probably not meet me until she is much older and will likely not hear flattering things about me from those raising her. I certainly do feel for those of you who have bonded with your GK only to have them snatched away. I imagine it is a similar feeling to what I deal with. I can only hope that someday I can prove to her that I am more than what my ex has trained my children to see me as. But even if not, to see her at all someday would be nice. People live to be quite old these days, so I may still have a chance to meet her.

# ? Dec 10, 2019 20:19

purple death ray: Jul 28, 2007; me omw 2 steal ur girl

Lmao sure grammy

# ? Dec 10, 2019 20:44

Cage Kicker: Feb 20, 2009; End of the fiscal year, bitch.
MP's got time to order pens for year year, hooah?

SKILCRAFT KREW Reppin' Quality Blind Made; Lipstick Apathy

trickybiscuits posted:

They immediately called CPS on me, despite having never even met their half-sister. I don�t know what they said, but the workers that showed up were very aggressive and dismissive, criticizing my home and even my attire. They determined that my home was not safe for an infant and removed her from my custody � and they placed her with my oldest ED!

I was given supervised visitation, where the 40-something childless worker would criticize me constantly � how I held her, how I fed her, even how I played with her. I allowed it and did not fight back or complain because I was terrified that it would worsen my chances. Then I ran into health problems because of my age and weight. Because of this, they determined me incapable of caring for a young child, and terminated my rights, giving my ED full custody.

hoarder house?

# ? Dec 10, 2019 21:24

Boywhiz88: Sep 11, 2005; floating 26" off da ground. BURR!

Based on the last poster�s CPS-involvement, weight, and age, there�s no way that house can�t be described as having a smell to it. I have seen the type. I�ve been on-site w a coworker where the client had a �bad back� and 2 cats. So the whole house reeked of cat poo poo and piss.

This coworker had been USMC and went into Fallujah (I think it was Fallujah.) to recover those contractors� bodies. He�d seen some poo poo in his life is what I�m getting at. When we got back in the car he raised his voice and stated �that was the grossest loving place I�ve been in.�

That�s the memory that comes to mind reading this woman�s diatribe.

A baby at 55. GTFO. You�d have to be 73 to see them graduate high school. Insane.

# ? Dec 10, 2019 21:32

SpaceViking: Sep 2, 2011; Who put the stars in the sky? Coyote will say he did it himself, and it is not a lie.

That woman definitely cut that baby out of a pregnant woman in a best buy parking lot.

# ? Dec 10, 2019 21:53

cinnamon rollout: Jun 12, 2001; The early bird gets the worm

It's extremely hard to believe she got pregnant at 55, it's also extremely hard to believe CPS took her child away as they really hate taking kids. It's much more believable to me that she is a crazy person and had imagined this entire thing.

cinnamon rollout fucked around with this message at 00:31 on Dec 11, 2019

# ? Dec 11, 2019 00:19

Fatkraken: Jun 23, 2005; Fun-time is over.

Natural pregnancy over 50 is *extremely* rare, to the point that a case would result in a news story or at the very least be written up in medical texts. Wikipedia has all of three cases of natural pregnancy in 55 year old women, two of them from the 1930s. This lady is Full Of poo poo or straight up doesn't exist and is a creative writing exercise.

# ? Dec 11, 2019 00:28

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

Royal W posted:

I mean, with a name like Danger Mouse, you're really taking your life in your hands anyway.

My daughter's first-grade guinea pig was named Sharky for very good reason.

# ? Dec 11, 2019 00:31

Literally A Person: Jan 1, 1970; Smugworth Wuz Here

SpaceViking posted:

That woman definitely cut that baby out of a pregnant woman in a best buy parking lot.

Don't be such a pessimist! I'm sure she just bought a baby from some junkie like a normal human being.

# ? Dec 11, 2019 00:31

Facebook Aunt: Oct 4, 2008; wiggle wiggle

trickybiscuits posted:

Issendai.com suggested that this is the parents thinking about how wonderful things were before their children hit about 6 or 8 years old- old enough to have their own ideas and preferences and to say no and stand up to their parents.

Here's a weird one. Second post is recent, first one is about nine months earlier. Either this woman didn't bother mentioning her fifth child at first, there's some mental illness at play, or she had a baby in the past 9 months (and there's some mental illness at play, my guess is hoarding). Or a troll.

Check the last paragraph

quote:

It has been three years since the cut off, and for a while I did think of ending my life. But I know that would only complicate things for my youngest even further, even if we never meet, as adopted children often have questions about their origins and whether they were wanted.

If the story were true that would mean that in the first post the child was already at least 2 years old. She also talks about being in contact with the oldest "yesterday" but in the second post the oldest is the one who took the baby 3 years ago.

Troll or total break from reality? :shrug:

# ? Dec 11, 2019 00:37

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

Facebook Aunt posted:

Troll or total break from reality?

The latter, imo. I don't think anyone would go that far for a frankly unamusing and bizarre troll that almost no one would see

# ? Dec 11, 2019 00:46

number 1 snake fan: Jul 16, 2018

trickybiscuits posted:

All the same poster.

This woman sounds exactly like my mother, gently caress

# ? Dec 11, 2019 00:46

ohnobugs: Feb 22, 2003

The part where she talks about having her kid taken away is way too sane. I would expect the whole diatribe to be about how her perfect angel got taken away from her and what that's doing to her.

Though talking about being *blessed* with a child and then never changing that child's diapers or feeding or holding it right is on point.

# ? Dec 11, 2019 00:50

RoboRodent: Sep 19, 2012

I mean. That there's some delusion going on is inevitable. But do you think there actually was a child? Is it her daughter's child that she's decided is actually hers or did she find a baby somewhere?

This story is terrifying.

# ? Dec 11, 2019 00:53

Grimdude: Sep 25, 2006; It was a shame how he carried on

"They are brainwashed by society I think, into being self absorbed, sefish and selfcentered beings without respect for their parents. They only see their point of view."

"Prayers, and tread cautiously. I don�t know why our grown children turn against us, but it seems to be an epidemic. I blame society and yes, some of their friends. I don�t think it was anything you or your husband did. We raised a generation of spoiled, disrespectful children who don�t know how to love and have an unearned sense of entitlement. I would never have treated my parents this way. They cut us out of their lives and then feel proud of doing it."

Must be anybody's fault but their own right? Can't be any other explanation for how their children seem to get along fine with pretty much everyone else but them. They really think their kids WANT to not like them don't they? Like holy poo poo I'd absolutely love it if I enjoyed talking to my mom or being around her because it'd make life that much less stressful. I envy people I've known who look forward to calling their mom every week to check in and talk about life.

I could literally go months without talking to mine and I'd be okay with that. Conversely, she's tried calling me 6 out of 7 days this last week after I already answered a question she had via text about the holidays. Yes, I've seen the missed calls. No, you apparently don't care that I don't feel like talking right now. Ffs we talked like a week and a half ago.

Grimdude fucked around with this message at 01:15 on Dec 11, 2019

# ? Dec 11, 2019 01:10

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

RoboRodent posted:

I mean. That there's some delusion going on is inevitable. But do you think there actually was a child? Is it her daughter's child that she's decided is actually hers or did she find a baby somewhere?

This story is terrifying.

"Is it her daughter's child that she's decided is actually hers"- Holy crap, I never even thought about that. Jesus.

# ? Dec 12, 2019 02:00

Sisal Two-Step: May 29, 2006; mom without jaw
dad without wife

i'm taking all the Ls now, sorry

Grimdude posted:

"They are brainwashed by society I think, into being self absorbed, sefish and selfcentered beings without respect for their parents. They only see their point of view."

"Prayers, and tread cautiously. I don�t know why our grown children turn against us, but it seems to be an epidemic. I blame society and yes, some of their friends. I don�t think it was anything you or your husband did. We raised a generation of spoiled, disrespectful children who don�t know how to love and have an unearned sense of entitlement. I would never have treated my parents this way. They cut us out of their lives and then feel proud of doing it."

Must be anybody's fault but their own right? Can't be any other explanation for how their children seem to get along fine with pretty much everyone else but them. They really think their kids WANT to not like them don't they? Like holy poo poo I'd absolutely love it if I enjoyed talking to my mom or being around her because it'd make life that much less stressful. I envy people I've known who look forward to calling their mom every week to check in and talk about life.

I could literally go months without talking to mine and I'd be okay with that. Conversely, she's tried calling me 6 out of 7 days this last week after I already answered a question she had via text about the holidays. Yes, I've seen the missed calls. No, you apparently don't care that I don't feel like talking right now. Ffs we talked like a week and a half ago.

i love that this (presumably) boomer op accuses her millennial daughter of being 'selfish, entitled, self-centered'. :ironicat:

# ? Dec 12, 2019 17:55

SulfurMonoxideCute: Feb 9, 2008; I was under direct orders not to die
🐵❌💀

Grimdude posted:

Must be anybody's fault but their own right? Can't be any other explanation for how their children seem to get along fine with pretty much everyone else but them. They really think their kids WANT to not like them don't they?

I can guarantee you there are people out there that sincerely believe this and think it's okay.

quote:

We raised a generation of spoiled, disrespectful children who don�t know how to love and have an unearned sense of entitlement.

So maybe apologize for your failure rather than holding it against your victims, Janice.

# ? Dec 12, 2019 23:03

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

Hey, you like reading something that makes you want to bleed out your eyes?

quote:

Hello everyone! I need some advice on a general situation with my ex in-laws (for lack of a better term) and I want to know if I�m overreacting/ under reacting/ what is best for my children and all parties involved.

Some BG-
I have a 6 year old DS (dear son) and a 7 month old DD. My sons father passed away while I was pregnant with him. We were not married, and his mother and her boyfriend are who my post is mainly about. I am currently married to my DDs father. He has taken on being a father to my DS (dear son) and plans on adopting him one day.
. . . .

I feel like they baby my son and spoil him (okay what grandparent doesn�t) but I�m uncomfortable with the level of obsession and how she completely undermines me when we are all together. We went to a Christmas parade yesterday and the whole time she kept grabbing my son, sitting him on her lap, trying to pick him up to see, kept talking right in his ear about every single car that went by, kept petting his hair, kissing his face, calling him baby, etc... Like I was super uncomfortable! And I could tell my son was too. He even told her to put him down a few times. He started coughing because he swallowed wrong and both of my ex ILs got right in his face, were both swatting his back, forcing him to drink water, asking if he was okay like 5 times, petting his hair... so I said �he�ll be fine� and tried distracting him by showing him some of the dancers going by. She gave me a look like, �how dare you�. It was just awkward after that simple exchange. Things like this happen all. The. Time.
. . . .

She doesn�t like my husband much, because she feels like he has taken me away from her. I mean, I admit before I met him I saw her more, but that was because I was single and I missed my boyfriend who passed away! (And didn�t have 5 houses to go to on holidays) which brings me to my next point.

My husband does not like going to their house and has no desire to go out to events with them. He encourages my son and I to go, but he rather not. He thinks they are overbearing and he sees how stressed I get when I have to tell her �no I can�t go�. He watches me try to come up with excuses why I can�t go to something she invites me to, and he thinks I can�t tell her no. (Which is true).
. . . .

Whenever my son goes over to their house, they tell him about his father and talk about him a lot. I�ve talked to him about his father but feel like he�s a little young to be explaining everything. I also feel like I should have been the one to explain to him who his dad is. It makes my son very uncomfortable right now that they talk about his dad so much and now he has actually rejected it, by telling me he doesn�t like his middle name (it�s his birth fathers name).
. . . .

How should I navigate how much exposure my son gets at their house about his birth father? (He passed away from an overdose) should I have a talk with them about boundaries regarding this or do you think it�s healthy they bring him up so much?

quote:

Her whole family calls my son �baby (name)� which was his dads name. And my son just doesn�t really like it

quote:

Last year she said she wanted to do �their Christmas� and asked if he could sleep over the week before Christmas so he could do Christmas with them. I said okay, but then when they picked him up my husband said, �he�s not opening presents and having Santa go there right?� So I called her and told her I don�t want him opening presents, because it was before our own Christmas and we didn�t have a lot of money that year so we didn�t go overboard like they do. They usually go crazy and he comes home with like 20 presents from their whole family.

She had a mental breakdown and literally stayed on the phone for 2 hours trying to explain myself to her and the reasoning behind why I didn�t want him opening presents before our own Christmas.

She thought My husband and I were just trying to control them and started bringing up all these things she didn�t like about him.

quote:

I would say my son loves them and overall does like spending time with them. It�s not like he dreads going over there.

I�ve never first hand seen my son be so uncomfortable around them as I did the other day at the parade though. He�s always been so young and of course loved the attention and candy and everything else. Every time she would crouch down and put her hands around him he would pull away and want space.

She�s admitted to me that he has been stand-offish around her recently. She was upset he didn�t want her help in a public restroom and I told her he doesn�t need help. She automatically assumes it�s my husband in his ear telling him these things, because my husband doesn�t come to events she finds that to be insulting.

quote:

She enabled her son till his death. She would give him money, bail him out, let her stay with him, all sorts of enabling behavior. I actually worked with her when I met her son, and when I would break up with him (for relapsing) she would give me letters from him, tell him things about me, etc. I always told her she was going to �love him to death� and that�s exactly what she did

quote:

I have talked with a therapist about how to set healthy boundaries with her and how to say no. I�ve also talked with family counselors and they have even spoken directly with her about certain aspects such as gluten free diets that we were trying to implement to help with my sons terrible stomach issues. I had to have the family counselor sit all the grandparents down and say �look- DS needs this diet and there are no exceptions�. If you can believe it, certain things have actually gotten better over the past few years, but the babying and pushing for more time with him has gotten worse now that he�s older.

quote:

Also, you are right about every time I have tried to cut back contact she has gotten more possessive over her time with him. She will drop him off later than expected, pout and make sad faces when dropping him off, telling me �he was *almost in tears* and he told me I can never sleep at your house again Nana!� (Even though I asked him and he told her his parents told him when school starts there will be no more sleepovers). So there is definitely guilt trips and she always loves to tell me �how close Jeremy (Bio-dad) was with his grandma- how they were best friends and he saw her all the time!� She says that�s the kind of relationship she wants with her grandchild.

quote:

If I did that I 100% think she would open a GPR case against me, and assume my husband has become soo controlling that he forced me to block her.

I�ve had talks with her in the past. She has admitted to being overbearing and she said she builds up expectations and scenarios in her head and when it doesn�t happen she gets extremely let down. Or she thinks the worst.

One time when my son used to stay the night on Sunday nights, my husband wanted to take him fishing on Monday morning so I told her that he won�t be coming That weekend. She calls me back and tells me she�s so upset because she thinks my husband will never let DS go there again.

quote:

I did show him (husband) some comments and he said �if your not going to listen to me, then please listen to these women who have been through similar situations who know what their talking about�

quote:

My husband and I always discuss everything 50/50. This particular situation is a work in progress, but he understands that. He is not going to leave me over this! We are very happy! And usually communicate really well. This situation is complicated because my son was staying over their house every Sunday before I met my husband. That was fine with me because my son was almost a year old and it worked, and I appreciated it because those were my date nights. After we began to get more serious and got married, my sons grandparents slowly wanted more time and it has been slowly morphing into something I haven�t realized until this past weekend when I saw how much they baby him and how uncomfortable he was. He has always loved going over there and I had never questioned it being unhealthy for him. Were there red flags? Yes. Did they overstep boundaries? Yes. But I would never just purposely allow my son to be uncomfortable and I don�t believe I have failed him. I have realized many things in this post and I am going to change.

quote:

My husband would like us all to go get dinner with them once a month as a family. And as far as all the bullshit they say, it used to affect him but he says now he�s just over it and that he will always be the bad guy in their eyes. No matter what he says or does.

quote:

You guys are acting like I�m sending my son off with someone who is is an abusive, alcoholic, crazy person! I know her. She is smothering and has high anxiety. She should go to grief counseling as well. As should I go to therapy. But for you guys to say I�m not taking any advice is just not true! To go from him going with them every Wednesday and seeing them every few weekends, and a couple sleepovers every few months- to only seeing them once a month for a few hours to go to the park is absolutely making big changes!! I said I will allow him to go with them on Wednesday�s after I have a talk with her. I have a 7 month old baby, am running my own business from home, and am going back to school to get my masters! I don�t have time to go with them for a couple of hours just to watch them play if I don�t have to. She keeps him safe while they are out. I trust he will be kept safe. And when I have asked him flat out if he wants to continue going with them he said �yes, but maybe not every Wednesday.�

If I even get an inkling after I have a talk with her that she is still smothering him or doing any of the things I tell her are unacceptable, then the outings will completely stop. It�s just up to me to put my big girl panties on and stick to my guns about not letting her manipulate me and make me feel bad over not seeing him as much. Or when I say no.

After 36 pages of discussion:

quote:

Guys she just texted me saying she set up an appointment for pictures for him at Jc Penny next week.... so she would really like to get him. I feel sick I am so angry. That is completely unnecessary! Especially since I just told her on Saturday that I wanted to get professional pics done with both of my kids because I tried for Christmas pics and failed. What do I say back? I�m really struggling here. I would always just say okay but I really want to say no. Who does that??

quote:

You guys are all so right about everything how I put my DH last. He just said the same thing how he�s felt like his voice was never heard about this situation but said he�s not going to let her do this. He said �look at yourself, you�re pacing the whole house about to cry over a situation that should just be a simple text and done!� It shouldn�t be this hard!

quote:

She just called me and I answered and fell for her guilt trip. She acted like she didn�t see the text I sent her asking why she would make a photography appointment without asking me and she started sending me pictures of the outfit she got him and how excited she was, and I literally was silent. Like a loving idiot. I had no words. So now my husbands upset and left the house and I�m just so mad at myself.

quote:

I�m writing a letter with all the talking points I want to say to her and what I need in the future. That way I�m not taken off guard and forget important details when she inevitably calls me a few times after I text her about no more Wednesday�s and no pictures. I�m rereading all of your guys comments to remind myself of important things that need to happen. Then I�ll either take a picture and send it to her or tell it to her. She really needs to be put in her place and remember who mom is. My husband and I just had a long talk and it really sank in how much damage is being done not only to him but our kids. He said he is not saying these things for himself but for the kids sake. It just hit me like, �what the gently caress am I doing?� So many of your comments make so much sense as far as why I am more worried about what she thinks of me then my own husband. And none of this is good for my son. To take a picture with his grandparents at a studio like their some happy family that she can send all of her friends and say �look how amazing of a nana I am!� Makes me sick.

The next day:

quote:

�Hey Ex MIL, after hanging up the phone with you earlier I decided I�m really not comfortable with Son taking Christmas photos with you. We are actually planning on going next week sometime to get pics of him and Daughter, and will send those to you when we get them back also, Husband and I discussed this every Wednesday picking up schedule and it�s become a lot. Right now we�re just going to focus on hanging out as a family and taking a break from all the craziness lol. I will let you know when a good time for all of us to maybe go get dinner is. But until then, I would appreciate some space. Love you and hope you guys have a great Christmas!!�

Sent this to her

# ? Dec 12, 2019 23:33

Pththya-lyi: Nov 8, 2009; THUNDERDOME LOSER 2020

There really is no such thing as free babysitting

# ? Dec 12, 2019 23:43

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

Follow-up:

quote:

I just asked my son if they go in the bathroom with him while he�s over there and he said yes. So I told him not to ever let anyone in the bathroom with him and he should let them know he�s a big boy and can go alone. He responds �nana said we�re family so it�s okay�

Which tells me he did say something to her about going alone but she responded it�s okay.

response posted:
Put. Your. Child. In. THERAPY.

quote:

Sigh.... she called 3 times and then texted me asking to call her when I�m free. I never called or texted back and she asked if everything�s okay.

Here�s the thing. I get what you�re all saying. And for those of you who thought my text was too �soft� don�t realize our relationship. We had a seemingly great Saturday at the parade and she texted me after saying she had a great time and I texted her me too!

So to go from that being our last exchange to, �F... you and never call me or my family again, you�re a horrible influence on my son� honestly isn�t just unrealistic of me and totally against my character, she would have completely lost her marbles and would have done everything to find out what the hells going on and to make it �right�. This isn�t about sticking it to her. I don�t hate her and I want a healthy relationship with her with healthy boundaries for my son.

This is a relationship that needs to fade slowly. She knows now that there will be no more Wednesday�s and no Christmas sleepover and to give us space. Wasn�t that the goal? I�ve had so much anxiety today over this stupid situation. I am not sure whether to text her back and just send the same text or nothing at all. I don�t want my husband getting involved and I don�t know why. He asked me if I want him to call her and honestly the thought of that happening gives me so much anxiety I just won�t even entertain the idea.

My mom also feels the same way (I know she has her boundary issues as well) but she also tells me all the time that things aren�t normal and how I need to have a voice with Kathy. I told her about this tread and she was like �you should send me the link so i can read it�

So even to my mom this whole thing is crazy. I told her about the professional pictures and she was like yeah, that is not normal.

Literally everyone in my life can see it and is telling me the same thing so why is this so hard for me!!!

response posted:
Because you're thinking of your feelz and the way she groomed you instead of what she was actually doing to your son. You don't really believe, despite all the stories here, that babying a child like that is really all that awful. You still think, she just loves too much, instead of she doesn't love him at all. She wants to eat him. She wants to absorb him. She wants to have him available for her use for as long as she can and she doesn't really give a gently caress if that means he will be a different, weaker, traumatized being because of her actions.

I'm sure she does it all with a smile. Just like she groomed you with a smile.

You've been groomed. How does it feel? You don't know if up is down or down is up. You can't be honest with your life partner because that feels like a bit of a betrayal to HER. You want to ease her way into your lives and not care so much about little things like not being in pictures or her calling ds (dear son) by your ex's name. She doesn't mean anything by it poor old thing, I feel so good giving her what she so obviously needs.

She's like the troll under the bridge in a scary fairy tale that looks like a kind beautiful princess until you tell them NO.

Look OP, it's not like a lot of us here sit around going, hmmmm. Let's make up terrible tales about how awful people can be. That'd be fun. I'm a genuinely upbeat glass-half-full type in my own life. I give people 2nd and 3rd chances. I just don't feed my kids to narcs. When I see someone has 'issues' I don't make my kids extricate themselves from their presence. I'm proactive. And, my kids are older there, I know about the years when parents have less and less influence, when if they don't have their own cell phone or tablet, there's one right at hand from friend. Granny will be able to reach your son on her own in only a couple of years. And you won't be able to stop her if he wants to contact her.

# ? Dec 13, 2019 03:54

number 1 snake fan: Jul 16, 2018

Recently i posted a big rant on Twitter about my narcissistic mother and, like clockwork, some estranged boomer that i didn't know in the slightest responded:

# ? Dec 15, 2019 03:09

Maneck: Sep 11, 2011

Utterly perfect. It doesn't matter what she did. It doesn't matter what she said. You're wrong because of how she feels. Expressed by a person who has never met your mother.

# ? Dec 15, 2019 04:59

ohnobugs: Feb 22, 2003

It's nice when narcissists self-identify

# ? Dec 15, 2019 05:42

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

Wow

When you not only see Karma but get to deliver it posted:

Daughter-in-law�s mother decided to approach us while drunk�.. She crashed a celebratory event we were having for my son and DIL on a big step in their lives�� seems that she always wants to ruin big life events for them and boy did she deliver on this one.

She arrived at event drunk, proceeded to try and talk to me, through talking to my husband, which didn�t work because I just ignored her and acted like she didn�t exist. Then when that failed she grabbed my arm and said �lets dance�. I looked at her and said no.

Daughter-in-law approached me and said that she just wants us to get along and I explained the only way we will move forward (we will never �get along�) is if she apologized to me for hurting my family�.. if she wanted to step outside and have a discussion fine but I was not going to pretend all is well because she will not get the impression that it is ok to manipulate her (daughter-in-law) and turn her against me when she gets a wild hair up her butt.

When her drunk mother came off the dance floor I approached her and told her if she would like to talk we can step outside to do so. When we got outside asked her �why did you want to dance?� she slurred some nonsense and said because we need to move forward�.. I then asked �how do you see that happening?� She just stared at me blankly and didn�t say anything. I then said to her, �well this is how I see it happening, you apologize to me� She slurred that she didn�t know what SHE needed to apologize for�. OMG, I asked her if I needed to explain it to her and she said yes because she doesn�t know what she did wrong��. Holy crap ladies I lost my crap and unloaded 2 years of pent up anger onto that horrible woman. I point blank told her that she manipulated her daughter because she knew she has BPD [Borderline Personality Disorder?] and she knows how to. I pointed out that she has done it her whole life and this time was because she knew that she was a crappy mother and she was threatened by my relationship with her. I laid into her with everything I had. KARMA!!!!!

My son came outside after about 5 minutes of us going at it and said �mom, stop�. So right while he was standing there I got close to her face and said, you will not continue to manipulate those I love, and I love your daughter. You will not play games with my family again. You know what you did, I know what you did, your daughter knows what you did and it will not happen again. We are not idiots�. Then I went back inside.

Karma�s a �B� and this past weekend her name was (poster's name).

She then spent the next hour outside barraging her daughter (my daughter-in-law) over me, our relationship and continued this ridiculous charade of how SHE was the victim here. When Daughter-in-law defended me, yes you heard that right folks, defended me�.. her mother told her that she never wanted to talk to her again and she was dead to her��

Now, this was like a shot to my heart (they said this to me when we went through estrangement, I would never have said it to my child). My Daughter-in-law was bawling and said that she probably meant it because she hasn�t spoken to her own mother (Daughter-in-law's gma) in 10 years. HMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!

Monday, I called Daughter-in-law and asked her if she had spoken to her mother, she had not. I told her she needs to. She needs to fix it because it is her mother, and although she may have some mental issues, she is still her mother. I explained that let her know that you love her, that you understand that she is uncomfortable with our relationship but reassure her, you love her just as much as you ever did. Loving me isn�t a competition. You have love enough for both.

Monday evening I spoke to Daughter-in-law again�� her mother wouldn�t answer the phone when she called so she sent her a FB message that her mother replied to but she didn�t know if they were ok because she wouldn�t talk to her directly when she asked her to just call.

We often wonder what or how estrangement effects the grandchildren. My Daughter-in-law is the grandchild of an estranged parent. I had no idea that her mother estranged from her GMA 10 years prior, so when my Daughter-in-law was mid teen. She was manipulated by her mother to believe that her GMA was evil, toxic, everything.

I realized that my Daughter-in-law's mother is one of the selfish, self absorbed estranged children that use their children anyway they can and will never take responsibility for their actions. My Daughter-in-law could have been the same, went down the same path, and was being encouraged to almost 2 years ago. Now she sees what a real family is, how you resolve issues, how you love through it��

She sees what her mother was doing, and has done it her whole life under the guise, she loves her and wants to protect her�� disgusting.

You want to know what these kids are teaching their children�� I am living it. My son married it. I am now responsible for un-teaching it. I am the one who has to show her how to resolve issues, and conflict. I have to love her through her mental issues. I have to remember that it is not her fault when she has episodes. But most of all, I have to accept her and TRUST her.

Ladies who have followed me throughout this journey understand how the trust thing has been an issue for me. I have to throw my doubts aside and just trust that she has grown, and that she really won�t do it to me again.

I know that some of you are not on board with my posts because I am no longer estranged. But for those of you who want to follow what happens after reconciliation�� this is for you.

# ? Dec 18, 2019 23:25

Lamebot: Sep 8, 2005; ロボ顔菌～♡

lol look at this manipulative bullshit:

# ? Dec 23, 2019 08:37

Dirt Road Junglist: Oct 8, 2010; We will be cruel
And through our cruelty
They will know who we are

That child barely looks old enough to understand object permanence...

# ? Dec 23, 2019 16:57

Nastyman: Jul 11, 2007; There they sit
at the foot of the mountain
Taking hits
of the sacred smoke
Fire rips at their lungs
Holy mountain take us away

Lamebot posted:

lol look at this manipulative bullshit:

Absolutely doesn't make a person look weird when they unironically post this abomination. A naked, crying child (and, y'know, a real human being that exists somewhere) telling the entire world how sorry they should be feeling for you is a very good look and is sure to make everything less weird and tense.

Maybe I've just seen too many versions of it but the only feeling this elicits in me is revulsion.

# ? Dec 23, 2019 17:21

RoboRodent: Sep 19, 2012

Honestly that picture gives me some serious uncanny valley vibes.

# ? Dec 23, 2019 17:26

Veni Vidi Ameche!: Nov 2, 2017; by Fluffdaddy

Lamebot posted:

lol look at this manipulative bullshit:

That is some TOP-TIER crying white child.

Edit: ^^ For sure. At the very least, it�s manipulated like crazy. She looks like a doll with plastic tears on her face.

# ? Dec 23, 2019 17:27

ikanreed: Sep 25, 2009; I honestly I have no idea who cannibal[SIC] is and I do not know why I should know.

syq dude, just syq!

Please, Mommy and Daddy, Google flat Earth

# ? Dec 23, 2019 17:28

Clitch: Feb 26, 2002; I lived through
Donald Trump's presidency
and all I got was
this lousy virus

Lamebot posted:

lol look at this manipulative bullshit:

Phone posting, so I'm seeing this on a small screen, but this looks like it's photoshopped with the same techniques used to make ad models look horny. It makes sense, since these types of grandparents fetishise their grandkids more than they love them.

# ? Dec 23, 2019 17:30

Son of Thunderbeast: Sep 21, 2002

That's the look of a child who's devastated that you didn't invest in Eastern Poland

# ? Dec 23, 2019 17:31

SHY NUDIST GRRL: Feb 15, 2011; Communism will help more white people than anyone else. Any equal measures unfairly provide less to minority populations just because there's less of them. Democracy is truly the tyranny of the mob.

Clitch posted:

Phone posting, so I'm seeing this on a small screen, but this looks like it's photoshopped with the same techniques used to make ad models look horny. It makes sense, since these types of grandparents fetishise their grandkids more than they love them.

Child pageantry photos. Like, if you don't have your kid's photos photoshopped correctly you lose points.

# ? Dec 23, 2019 17:35

Relentless: Sep 22, 2007; It's a perfect day for some mayhem!

Lamebot posted:

lol look at this manipulative bullshit:

As someone who hosted a sleepover for several nieces and nephews this weekend, let me fill you in on some other things that can elicit a 4 or 5 year old tearing off an article of clothing and full on blubber crying:

Their gummies having too many green ones.
Not getting to sleep in the dog crate.
Getting to sleep in the dog crate.
A cousin eating their 3 hour old chicken nugget.
Not getting to drink out of the dog water bowl.
Their brother not sharing the controller.
Getting the controller and not knowing how to play Untitled Goose Game.
Missing their mom.
Their mom showing up to take them home.
Exaggerated pretending to stub their toe for attention after their sister walked into a doorway cuz she was staring at her tablet.
The dog looked at them funny.

Apparently ripping off your socks/shirt/pants shows that they're really sad and mean it this time, and after not going to be fine in about 1.5 minutes. This is not true.

Most people with a kid are going to see that and immediately assume the real cause was "ran out of goldfish crackers" or "the sun went down".

# ? Dec 23, 2019 19:19

Facebook Aunt: Oct 4, 2008; wiggle wiggle

Relentless posted:

As someone who hosted a sleepover for several nieces and nephews this weekend, let me fill you in on some other things that can elicit a 4 or 5 year old tearing off an article of clothing and full on blubber crying:

Their gummies having too many green ones.
Not getting to sleep in the dog crate.
Getting to sleep in the dog crate.
A cousin eating their 3 hour old chicken nugget.
Not getting to drink out of the dog water bowl.
Their brother not sharing the controller.
Getting the controller and not knowing how to play Untitled Goose Game.
Missing their mom.
Their mom showing up to take them home.
Exaggerated pretending to stub their toe for attention after their sister walked into a doorway cuz she was staring at her tablet.
The dog looked at them funny.

Apparently ripping off your socks/shirt/pants shows that they're really sad and mean it this time, and after not going to be fine in about 1.5 minutes. This is not true.

Most people with a kid are going to see that and immediately assume the real cause was "ran out of goldfish crackers" or "the sun went down".

When I was that age I'd cry when Mr. Rogers was over. Every day. For months.

Still stand by it tho. Your day is only gonna get worse once Mr. Rogers is over.

# ? Dec 23, 2019 19:24

hyperhazard: Dec 4, 2011; I am the one lascivious
With magic potion niveous

It's from a series of photos by Jill Greenberg called End Times

quote:

Greenberg's End Times, a series of photographs featuring toddlers, was the subject of controversy in 2006 (April 22 � July 8). The work featured stylized hyper-real closeups of children's faces contorted by various emotional distresses. The pieces were titled to reflect Greenberg's frustration with both the Bush administration and Christian Fundamentalism in the United States.

# ? Dec 23, 2019 23:32

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 25, 2024 01:40

rotinaj: Sep 5, 2008; Fun Shoe

hyperhazard posted:

It's from a series of photos by Jill Greenberg called End Times

"Bush? Why's everything got to be political these days, I just want to use her silly pictures to get my ungrateful son and his monster wife to let me see my grandchild, as is my right as an American..."

# ? Dec 24, 2019 05:39

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Rejected Parents: if you can't figure it out you don't deserve a blog

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